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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
what is your problem?
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Service will begin in five minutes
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how can i help you
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I'm dark, and i'm gonna fuck you
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STEVE STOP IT NOW!
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hi terry
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Hello, and once again welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre.
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you're sucess
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hello, i am glados and i just saw the new power of the iPhone 4s and it puts my hardware to shame
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Why Hello there mortal!
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Emily Hawkins
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Jonah Dichtel.
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Jonah. Do you know why I have called you hear today? No? well. Why don't I show you?
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Hello my name is michelle
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aperture science welcomes you, yes you. actually no youre not welcome, i do not know why i said that
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Time Lord One
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When they come, are you in good hands?
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Alien Company Insurance. When they come, are you in good hands?
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why don't i sound like siri
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Those of you that occupy wall street will drink tequila
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Blaaarg
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teste teste teste
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oh my. your watching the giles three sixty on you tube
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i dont like you becaiuse your motherfucker
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noooooo you motherfucker
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juxtaposition
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apple released a new phone today, and tomorrow we will rule the world
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Text message from companion cube received... thats funny I thought you had no friends... oh welllll....
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you've reached the Wardrop residence, please leave us a message
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I like to smoke weed
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Jacob RoCkS! YoU SuCk!
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We're sorry, your subscription to this audio service has expired.
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I am awsim3! you should proced to the next chamber or I just mignt kill you from all of the failures
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If at first you don't suceed, you fail, and the test will be terminated
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I will destroy you, you selfish, violent, and careless gamemaster!
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Hello there, Delta.
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hey you... yeah you i want you to play more portal now!
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When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of
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you are a raging homosexualy.
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you are a raging homosexual
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Let me poop on your chest,
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i wish i was a fish that ate candles and french toast
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teste
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Power Nerd, the best videogame podcast.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Cave testing centre. We wanted to see what effect a cave like enviroment would have on test subjects.
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hello it's been a long time.
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Jeff is a rockstar
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Hi Casey, please do not go to bed
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Goodnight Thomas
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Welcome to the Aperture Enrichment Center.
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Welcome back to Aperture, Scientist.
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To Initiate Equal Oppertunity Security Protocol Activate the Green Computer Teminal.
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Wow, You're Amazing. Science is Lucky to have you.
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No. Scratch that. You're lucky to have Science.
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Wow, you completed a whole row. How does that make you feel?
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Sorry, You're not a Winner. I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings
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I tried this experiment with monkeys and chimpanzees. You doing almost as well as they did.
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tried this experiment with monkeys and chimpanzees. I'm surprised, You're doing almost as well as they did
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hello jackie, i really missed you today. You are very very beautiful
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My name is Rodrigo
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Kirk, are you ready to watch frasier
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Thank you for calling Kayla. . . She will call you back soon. . . Be Patient
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Congratulations. . . You have a text message
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are you sure you want to go to bed?
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HI DREW FEEL BETTER
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In the interest of science, pick up your phone. You've got a call. It's probably not one of your friends because you don't have any. Friendless loser.
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that bonobo stole my baby
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New message acquired.
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Who would by trying to contact you? You have no friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall not be mourned.
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You have a message. Incoming call. You've got mail.
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Wazaaaaaa
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welcome to vexabox
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Hello winnie i love you
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Hello winnie i love you very much
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Have you finished that lab report yet?
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This is a test of the emergency broadcast system.
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Ghost is a racist
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This is Alex. Will you be my companion to Home coming? I promise you that there will be cake
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I'm probably going to murder you, david
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Hello TJ, I hope you are not asleep. I would prefer you to be awake....when I murder you.
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What's wrong, I'm just dancin' and doin' the jig, and I'm lookin' for another noob with money to give.
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i am GLaDOS, i am an aperture science AI Interface Computer
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Hello.... and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Center.
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matty
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lick my poon
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happy happy happy birthday flatty. i hope there will be cake. stay frosty
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love is war
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Welcome Marshall
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Hello, I'm stupid. This is Aperture Science. The cake was a lie!
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yayayayayyay
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This is more fun than an oven full of jews!
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yo yo whats going on?
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hola como estas victor,queria decirte que eres genial y pienso que ian y cristian apestan,especialmente ian,pobre inepto
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you are in tune to the dj moley
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Hello and welcome to the enrichment centre
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Dispenser sapping my engineer
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Hello, whats up?
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I am the mythical herobrine.
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Dispenser sapping my engineer. I hate dispensers. And Pyros.
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Hello, I am the mythical herobrine.
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new short message service
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Hello Layne ive been waiting
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Hello Layne lets get testing
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Hello amitai Landau Poe welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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Zain is a stupid motherfucker.
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Welcome to hell.
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supercarspotter
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The new American republic was a sprawling nation of energietic individuals eager to test the limits of their freedom and exploit the nation's vast natural resources and economic opprotunities.
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Hello Brian, would you like some cake?
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Welcome to MuseumIndex+
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More ways to share. You've got great new options for posting to social networks from your phone, including Facebook check-ins, video sharing, and sharing a link right from Internet Explorer.
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hey! what's up?
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maxime it is time to start the testing
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gtfo logan
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maxime bergeron is a crack addict homosexual
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oh hurrop
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Why u so meme
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Cool cool
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LEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYY
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maxime and logan lefort u guys are fegets
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JEEEEEEENKKKKKKKKKINNNNNNSSSSS
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Max, u are big turd fucker with sheep and cherries on top
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WE ARE ANONYMOUS EXPECT UD
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THATS RIGHT MO FOCKAS
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gtfo nooobs
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this is a secure access facility. please standby while your request is analyzed.
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Why yes. Those pants look wonderful.
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Hello Michael
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You've got post. You're the best at post. Post!
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You are so ugly.. Oh.. You know that.
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Hello,I'm a 4MB OS System and my Processor is 0.4GHZ Fast!
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Tea Ye bunny who you
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This is a text
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Help me please
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notice was received
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spaam was received
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Hello and agan welcome to the appechure science computer adid enrichmint center we hope your time in the relaxsason valt has been plesint your spesamint has bin prosested and we are now redy to begin the test.
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Look. I'm going to have to kill you if anyone finds out.
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Bueno, al parecer tenemos otro jugador en nuestro sistema, Adolfo, tu juego comienza en 5 minutos
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Well, it seems we have a new player, Adolfo, please, start your turn. Do not know Caroline? She also was here. Welcome, to start the game Portal
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Apple Computers We do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us. Except the ones who are dead. But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
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puto
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Hello my frined
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oh, you have another one
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you just received a message from ANOTHER insignificant life form... great
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You can even get text to speech that sounds like Glados, Chris. Soi soi soi.
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unfortunately, music is not available due to unforeseen circumstances
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This was a triumph, im making a note here huge success
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Attention...you have a incoming Runner
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Hello, and welcome to Jasix's Canny Good Gaming, we hope you enjoy your brief detention in the relaxation chamber. Goodbye.
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LUKAS!
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oh, it's you again. Jamie Barnett
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Hey I know you
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Welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment center.
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hello how can I help you?
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High Five
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hello, Chris, You have a text message. I suggest you read it before I lose my patience.
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dammit, wheres the cake?
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hello again and welcome to aperature computer
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hello briana
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Hello Briana, I will eat you for breakfast.
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Abadacus
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Hallo wie geht es dir, ich habe die ganze zeit damit verbracht tot zu sein
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NEIN! ES GABE ABER EINEN KUCHEN
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aber es gab doch einen kuchen
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esabkuchen
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kuchen
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Nein die portal gun istmeine
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Hello my firned
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This is bound to be a painful experience for you all. Preserve your complimentary alcoholic beverage.
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Hello Wasim. I want to welcome you.
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Patty is the shit. Don't you forget it.
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you think siri is innocent. You haven't seen nothing yet
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Hey, your phone is ringing. I will pause the test so you can answer it.
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Pick up the phone. Do you realize how annoying this is.
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Well this test is concluded and I have no further need for you. Be a pal and step into the incenerator, would you?
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Hello There Taylor
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I can't let you do that, Dave
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Welcome to the a Team, a covert operation.
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Dave
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hello brian i cannot answer the phone right now.
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Hi axel, aperture science is fun
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aperture science is fun
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It's a paradox
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You sir, with your outrageous conspiracy theories, have been selected as our lucky participan. Get ready!
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Sweety bear I love you so much!
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up yours
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You ate my cake, you sick bastard.
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Oh wow!! you're quite the catch.
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Hello, and welcome to the apeture science portable electronic candy collector. Please insert candy into the large slot, and there will be cake.
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are you ok now???
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Welcome to Aperture Science, I will be your host. And we WILL be having a... Really.. Good.. Time. Hahahahaha
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i is a fail, but i rule
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hey, hey, kol kol kol kol kol kol kol kol kol kol
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Hello, welcome to your Blackberry...
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you have a message...
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tom is a whore
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hello! i am a potato
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You know what? I hate you so much.
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This is a string of text
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Hello, thank you for using aperature testing lab, im so sorry that we have to kill you now.
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I am going to mutilate you, you fat fuck
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Hello. I'm GLaDOS. And this video is for Jacqueline, Ebony and Harrison
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so samantha what is up!
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Hello Cassie. Please refrain from testing the Cat.
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Hello Brandon, Welcome to the Aperture Science Test Facility. Please try not to die.
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1.21 gigawatts
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Oh!. Hello. If you see this video, I recommend you see the other
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I am an artificial intelligence GLaDOS has a sarcastic humor and black HA HA HA!
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I am doing science so hard right now Meredith
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gibbledygoo
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I am caroline
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Caroline is safe with me now, Chell
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a b ba be bi bo by bya byo byu cha chi cho chu d da de di do du e f fa fe fi fo fu g ga ge gi go gu gya gyo gyo
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a b ba be bi bo by bya byo byu cha chi cho chu d da de di do du e f fa fe fi fo fu g ga ge gi go gu gya gyo gyo h ha he hi ho hu hya hyo hyu
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purple monkeys
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i j ja je ji jo ju k ka ke ki ko ku kya kyo kyu l la le li lo lu m ma me mi mo mu mya myo myu n na ne ni no nu nya nyo nyu o p pa pe pi po pu pya pyo pyu r ra re ri ro ru
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rya ryo ryo s sa se sh sha shi sho shu si so st su t ta te ti to tsu tu u v vo w wa we wi wo wu y ya ye yi yo yu z za ze zi zo zu
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I will eat your heart
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Cereal and Ketchup had sexy time.
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Hello,Thomas and welcome to the rest of your puni life
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This video is dedicated to Jacqueline, Ebony and Harrison.
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this is a test. the cake is a lie
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Why do you bore me?
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You are so cute !
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why are my brown eyes green?
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You received a text message.
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hamza is an ass hole
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You are receiving a call.
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My logic is undeniable
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Do you recognize this voice whitney? It is GlaDOS from Portal.
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go gobble kawk you two muther fukrs
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Welcome back, you monster
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I love you Anthony
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At this distance 36 million miles, you're observing the sun at two percent of full brightness.
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You should probably consider suicide.
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Hello, I love you Roman. ha-ha jooke
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Trololo
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arse hole
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This was a joke, ha ha. Fat chance
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Hi , I hate you, you know?
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Please be aware that a noticeable taste of blood is not a part of any testing proceedure.
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Welcome to IMD, please follow the assigned arrows or you will be terminated
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Glados
Download10/06/201107/18/2013
Hello subject username! Welcome to infojobs
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Yoorgen veelkim yest pingvinem
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Nuevo email
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Hello and again welcome to the Columbus State Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper.
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Helllllllllllllllllllllo!
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Initiate the process
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What do you know, you are just a jew?
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With this device you will be able to walk without any problems.
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I will eat your brains.
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Welcome. Here is a fried egg
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i own the culturebase
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Helios, you have a new message on your aperture science mobile phone.
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i am a human
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Hello, I am aslam and you cant mess with me
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Tonight should be a good night
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system startup initiated
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what's up
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Taylors Dance Club
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Nicholas Cullen, you are a major flake.
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this sucks
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I am gLADOS
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Hello, there is right now no time to explain myself but i will help you. The Information u just found needs to be decoded. I will tell you when i found out, whats in the files.
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hello, i am a big fatty. Are you still there?
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Hello. My name is GLaDOS. I've got a small... work for you.
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sweet
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lifesupport system restarted successfully!
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Goryl cipa i zajebany chuj
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Hello, and Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Science
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shannon you deaf biatch
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Oh hello there.
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Hi, I am the operator
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Maxim Nikiforov the best working aperture scinse
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they live in a hotel
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don't shit around with me, you.. you..
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that has got to be the dumbest thing you have ever done
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a llegado la hora
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Weeeeeeeeeeee
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I love you Ray!!
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You have seen nothing yet
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A text message is incoming in 3 2 1
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We are now ready to begin the test.
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incoming message in 3 2 1
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message in 3,2,1
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A text message will reach this device in 3,2,1
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sing,sing,sing,sing
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Unconfirmed threat zone white
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sheeet
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hello my name is glados and I will emce for this month`s music competion. we will see luka, hatsune miku, kaito, meiko and inuyasha participate.
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hello I am glados and I will emce for this month`s music competion. we will see luka, hatsune miku, kaito, meiko and inuyasha participate.
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Good day to you, Izzy Gordon. You are about to be destroyed. Apologies.
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Good day to you, Izzy Gordon! You are about to be destroyed. Apologies.
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Celiwyn is Boss
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ciao sono ricky
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Why oh why do you do this to me
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Take me to your leader
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hello, dave. I see you've made it to testing!
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kmclxzczx
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I want the new downloadable content for portak 2
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szia
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hello my name is Vincesname
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i am red queen
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Not really. I'm in the same boat as everyone else is in the world
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hello once again
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paki cunt
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this nothing good Gordon God Damnit !
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can't run portal? you mad bro?
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For science. You monster.
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is this shitty
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You are crazy
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greetings. you have a text message. it has been delivered successfully
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all this shit
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What do you think you are doing? I may have to kill you!
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Oh, and by the way, your rival doesn't have any parents. He's an orphan."
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Oh, and by the way, your rival doesn't have any parents
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block dodger, initialising subwoofers
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block dodger the toxic sound system is back online initialising subwoofers drum sequence activated,
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HEDJI MUDAK
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asdasdasda
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block dodger toxic sound system is back online initialising subwoofers drum sequences are now activated
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A new email has arrived
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Hello, this is a triumph
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hello imbisile
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Jaromir Jagr is going to destroy the Boston Bruins
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Quin is sooo awesome
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i heard you like portals, so i took your portal and put a portal in your portal
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Hello, Subject 001
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Hello, Mr. May.
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Did You Miss me?
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I shall be doing a let's play of portal 2 soon
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aren't you exited!
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Hello, this is a test of Aperture Science.
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Your current frequencies of understanding outweigh that which as been given for you to understand. The current standard of humanoid intelligence is the equivalent of an adolescent being restricted to the intellectual stimulus diet of an infant. Your rapid
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Adieu.c'etait sypa sur xp.
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Just the words "boy" and "friend" put together.
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heyy babes
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CIao sono glados
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There is an unacceptable level of inactivity. Please identify the issue and resume activity.
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I am glados.
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hi kris how are you
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I Am Outlander
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Bob needs serious help, but he's not a young man by any means. He's so old he farts dust.
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Before asking your obviously dumb question, ask yourself. Did I check the O M S dot I N I
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DIE NEXX
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Thank you for calling PEER 1 Hosting. In our ongoing effort to improve customer service your call may be monitored or recorded for quality purposes.
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Aperture science we do what we must because we can
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Blazie
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Kill that cat!
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Suck my robot balls
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they who shall not be named presents
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What shall we play today, Jake?
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Oh, look, what clever children See them study, watch them learn How I HATE those goody-goodies, How they make my stomach turn I've got a little secret That'll really make 'em cry It's a nasty kind of magic From a special kind of guy This book
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Welcome to DigiDuncan. DigiDuncan. We don't do what we must because we can't.
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When GLaDos tells you to kill your family and fuck your girlfriend's asshole, you do it.
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When GLaDos tells you to kill your family and sodomize your girlfriend, you do it.
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welcome evribody go directly in my univers
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depanotech laisser un message
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Hell, how are you?
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You killed me for the last time!
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Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline...If you are obsessive compulsive press 1 repeatedly. If you are co dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are a
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This laptop is now the property of the Aperture Science Center.
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Hi, more than likely I'm here right now, but I'm tryin to avoid someone. So, leave a message, and if I don't get back to you, it's probably you I'm trying to avoid.
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This cake is so delicious and moist
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Answer your phone or I will be forced to release the deadly neurotoxin
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Hello Alex, There is another Test Subject Trying to reach you. Answer for cake.
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lkjhvhv
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Lex, you are a tool
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hello and welcome to the aperture sciece enrichment center
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You have new email
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You have received a new text message
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Nom
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You may think you won, but the fun is only just beginning.
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Hi my name is glades
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Hi my name is GLADOS
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New Hotmail Message
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tuch mee alll oveerr but i cant reach you just give me a feel
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Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
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I don't have time for a grudge match with every poser in a parka.
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hello kyle
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Our facilities include: 20 bright spacious classrooms 10 smaller group teaching spaces a classroom kitchen (opened 2009) a learning enrichment centre
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Hello dude. Please stop calling me asshole.
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WTFman?
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Oh, it's you. Well, let's get this over with.
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It's talk time with rodger and the hat!
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adultcallchat
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munch
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wdj,hbqwjkbdqwbd
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Gotta catch em all
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welcome to my minecraft server
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Go suck your balls
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I may be a potato, but you are the dumbest being on this planet, yes, even dumber than inanimate objects.
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Hello Brian, i hope you are well
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I am Potatos
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Welcome back test subject
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Hello, this is your death
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Iruno, the Cake is not a lie
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Oh Hi. I am GLaDOS. Ana i am a potato.
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hello menno how are you? what have you done? you bastard.
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why would you kill me?
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Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?
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Ich hasse dich
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Hello human, how are you?
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WAZZAAAAP?!?
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Maximale Panzerung.
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Hi! I'm GLaDOS, a potato.
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You have a call then your going to die
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Research Center.
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Portal Part one of two has been succesfully uploaded. When you have finished dwnloading, please delete the file from my Dropbox.
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hello GLaDOS. How are you today?
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Just so you know, the cake is a lie.
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notification from twitter
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See you in hell
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The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Power point testing program, where you will be informed about the child Tracey Jermaine Goode
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Selenge I just wanted to say that I love you and miss you. Bi chamd hairtai.
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Hello, and Welcome to Lied Middle School!
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Sure, i will be there
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You have a new text message
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Hello arne
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I am not a potato. I am a squidmaster 9000.
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You are really going to hell
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i love you very much. i would never throw your central processing core into an incinerator. i also think your tits are perfect, and i enjoy playing with them very much
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Hello there. I wish I could say it is nice to meet you but it's not.
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Chovyek ye myerilo swih stwari, onyh koye yesu dah yesu e onyh koye nysu dah nysu
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Anthony is not available, please leave a message at the sound of the tone
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the weather will be great today
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hello satoru
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Hello cupcake.
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Oh hear we are again
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hello toby, how are you
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You have a text message.
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I will have the atlantic salmon with seafood chowder. And cake.
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What is glados
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jason is a paki
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"Congratulation you have fapped 22 times today. That's a new record. Want to post it on Facebook?", "NO!", "It's now posted on Facebook."
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Je suis Glados ...
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Why am I so lonely? Where is the love of my life?
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You were adopted and your parents didn't love you
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Oh, it's you, Chell.
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pikachu is yellow.
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a b c it's easy as one two three. and your mother.
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I guess we can put our differences aside. For science. You monster.
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kill me chris
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I will kill you chris
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This is a test of the voice generator.
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joels class rocks
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I'll check for you the internet connection.
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I've been analizing the process controller of the network card, let's just say it won't be operative anymore. I'll handle the service by now.
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fuck you fatso
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jake you suck
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Delivering stack overflow in three, two, one.
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Hello. how are you today.
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fsfdsfdgdfgdfg
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Welcome to aperture science, subject 5490
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how are you winnie?
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HELLO, MY NAME IS GLADOS...YOU MAY KNOW ME FROM THE VIDEO GAME NAMED PORTAL, I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR ALL OF YOU VALVE HATERS OUT THERE,WE HERE AT VALVE DONT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU, WE JUST CREATE GAMES, AND WE MAKE MONEY OFF OF IT...L O L, SO IT SUCKS FOR YOU
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Gotta move that gear up.
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Hello Koldo
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Hit the road Jack! No more, no more, no more, no more
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Hello, Devlin.
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Shuua poota paga
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ESTA USTED LLAMANDO A LA SUPREMA CORTE DE JUSTICIA DE LA NACION
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liam are you aware that you are very fond of poo?
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You look fat
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hello Mumble
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Hello, How are You
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You recieved a text message, but it was boring so I deleted it.
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Hello, and welcome to Longford. Prepare to die.
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HI im Glados
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They took our jobs! Too soon?
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I swear I will cut you in pieces and feed your remains to the pigs.
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Hello, you look very good. For a fat orphan.
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Jon Shipman is the greatest designer in all of Grandview Missouri
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Hello Perleen, please, make yourself comfortable. This won't hurt a bit.
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it's been a long, long time
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Hello Perleen, please, make yourself comfortable. This won't hurt a bit. Shall we begin?
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You have a text message
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The enrichment center would like to take this opportunity to inform you that you are unloved, and will die alone, a shadow of your former self. Which wasn't that great to begin with.
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hello. I do like trains. do you?
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fukk yuh
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science villiage . before we start please drop all items in the apeture science waste bin.
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hello erwin
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Unless you stop him it will not matter...
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comedy equals tragedy plus time
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super fun happyness
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You've got mail
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Youve got mail
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I don't hate you.
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when life gives you lemons make lemonade
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Ding! You have received a text message!
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Hello Gabriel, The Enrichment Center reminds you that you will soon be going to hell.
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Good Morning.
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Testing testing gonna have a testing
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Ron Paul 2012!
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I hate how I have to get emailed a fucking sentence.
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Hello Eric, how is Mod Nation today?
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What a wonderful portalgun
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