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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
hello my name is michael
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the last
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Hello, and welcome again
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Hello, i'm Alex, just testing this shit off
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I think we should get the hawk team badges.
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hallow i glados
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i love bacon. do you want some. too bad. hahaha.
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Jesse, I love you
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ahhhh
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Good Bay
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Chris, you are an idiot.
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Thank you for assuming the party Escort Postion. Moron.
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Ohh, a call, please answer before it falls in the message box, we both know that you will not want that to happen.
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Wakka Wakka Wakka
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Your awesome
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Your alarm is ringing, ringing right now, please go to your next subject of interest, but rather, turn off the loop system.
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A message, maybe it's something interesting ... but obviously I've read it and is not but it was a good joke do not you agree? HA HA
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Penny toc toc...Penny toc toc...Penny toc toc...
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Hello. I like to eat my cheese!!!!
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Juicy Fruit
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Are you reading frozen nuke comics? I'm very surprised your eyes haven't popped out of your head yet. You should read more Tee En Tee 98.
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Cuz it's one thing, or another...I dont even know why I bother
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Hello, i'm GLaDOS, you lest. I gonna love and destroy you.
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here are the test results. you are a horrible person. that's what it says. a horrible person. we weren't even testing for that.
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Attention, attention. The server will shut down soon. Please exit the server now. Thank you.
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Save me
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I'm GLaDOS and I kill the souls of all HUmanS
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EH! SHUT UP.
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Sarah, It seems as if someone actually wants to talk to you
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so i gave the woman a knife
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In-game mode activated
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gOOd bYe
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Don't you plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
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I am not here right now.
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welcome back Oliver
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Hello, and, again, welcome to Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Facility
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sam is a terrible person
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You did what
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Hi since you murdered me
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There is no god
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tyler is gay
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This is a triumph. I'm making a note here: Huge Success.
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dont fuck with me, im just a robot
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hi there, you man slut
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six one five. five six two. five seven four zero.
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why is there nothing to do here?
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Hello, Alin. I want to play a game with you.
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hej jag heter tove
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but you will already be dead
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my name is GLaDOS. I never want to see that moron Wheatley ever again. Now go away you mad person.
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No matter how much you bug me, THE CAKE IS NOT A LIE! Got it? Good! Now come on and get the cake! Muahahahahahaha! You moron.
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What is a portal
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you are a terrible person
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hello and again welcome to Benjamins computer
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my face is full of hurt
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you have to fuck the weighted companion cube
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I say, young miss, this is quite the quandary you are in.
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I never asked for this
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I am a dwarf and im digging a hole diggy diggy hole
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szia sisi hogy vagy mikor mes dolgozni
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Let's call it a day.
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Welcome to AlternateAlex's YouTube channel. If you have managed to survive thus far, good job.
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However, this is merely a test stage. If you would kindly continue to the next of stage of testing. Simply click the subscribe button.
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However, this is merely a test stage. If you would kindly continue to the next stage of testing. Simply click the subscribe button.
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The final task is to watch some of the videos located within this user's channel. Oh, and don't forget, enjoy.
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hello vitaly
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I really love you
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Wa..war....warning. Warning, destination universe imposing critical changes to basic structure of both organic and inorganic systems.
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OhohoHOhoH... my hard drives. I think I slipped a hard drive.
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All the cake is mine.
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Hello, and welcome to the shit center
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Bluh
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vemo you suck
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Haha
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Haha lol
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I am GLaDOS, and I made Windows 7
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Hello Clemaister.
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Hello cortez how have you been
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Hello and welcome to the Cortez Core main frame please have Fun and no there are no portals
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Hello Clemaister. How are you ? Let me inform you that I'm perfectly well !
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will this sound correct? why dont you as black mesa?she would know...
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subject aquired
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oh ok ellie and olivia your test has begun
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Hello, I am GLaDOS, John has installed me into the headquarters mainframe, john, do you really have permission to do this?
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you're a fucking genius
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Stephanie, why don't you play portal?
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Hi, how are you?
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Hello Jordan Hughes. Lets get to testing
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Grief counseling and cake will be available at the end of this test!
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Yo yo yo fuck you all
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Yo yo yo fuck you all.
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Oh... Hello, it seems i must tell you of a text
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Victorine ta gueule
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hey sepi book pencil
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Hello world.
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lol i am glados
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Hello, would you like to die? Cake.
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Game Over LittleRock.
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Papi papi bom bomba on air
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Hello, my name is GLaDOS. well did you can leave this place now?
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You are receiving a phone call
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Hello, and welcome to the aperture sience
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grog
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Attention, you have an incoming call on Skype.
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science ,we remind you that each test is for a good purpose of the humanity and that you must work for it.
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i fuck you Robin
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hey test
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You are receiving a phone call pick up your phone
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For Science. You monster.
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i am a microsoft employee for your safety dont say bad words or you will be band
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hello i am a microsoft employee
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i am a microsoft employee
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this player has been band for 12 hours
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Floridboy is banned for 12 hours
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this player has been band
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Eow so o Zeh Bostola. Eow so ladraun no Rio de Janeiro
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Thursday, July Twenty-Fifth
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ninty three two now fm
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i love you, still alive, wan to gone
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i gonna murder you.
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Hello I am GLaDOS and when I am not testing I listen to LSRFM
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OH Hi. how are you holding up? bECAUSE i AM A POTATO!
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oh hi. how are you holding up? because i am a potato!
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mahahaha ... supper time
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Supper time kyle
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supper time kyle
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it's not always the story of another. save yourself.
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That'sssss a very nice jumpsuit you have there...It'd be a shame if something were to happen to it.
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hello, is somebody there?
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Creating Artificial Life
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Hello Douglas
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Hiya
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this shit even works?
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Welcome, to Mufti and Beyond.
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You will be baked, and then there will be cake
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Time out for a second hello
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Well, well, well. If I weren't so busy, I'd kill you. But for now, you live.
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Glados.
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i lost my apples
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Hi the cake is alie
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why would you put me into a potato?
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Might I be interested in offering you some delicious cake?
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warning, warning
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hello and welsome
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you have an incoming phone call
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pick up the phoe
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Hello. I am here to ask you a few questions. Never mind. I would not waste my time. I will just kill you. Better?
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Hello there, my name is GLaDOS I am an automated killing machine. Im going to kill you now. Goodbye
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colors
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science We do what we must because we can For the good of all of us. Except the ones who are dead.
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Coin? What coin? Surely you jest, Mr. Senator. The prosecution sees no coin.
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Hello Aaron
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science We do what we must because we can For the good of all of us. Except the ones who are dead.
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and I speak like a retard
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This is Patti's phone, please leave a message
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i loved her
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hello and again welcome to benjamins computer
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I think we should help people we don't even know because some people are less fortunate than others.
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It's been a looooooong time
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It's been a loooooooong time
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It's been a looooong time
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Salut mon coeur tu veux faire un gros calin
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She was born 17 years ago
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so I will kill most of you.
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You are really super
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i love you aperture science collaboration subject
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hello my name is noob what would you like to do to day
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Eat shit and die
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hello im a computer, and your gay, lol
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Since the early stages of cars
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Hallo fabian
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For science. You monster
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lacey are you mad at me
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hello, and welcome to another Gameside video podcast
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This was our triumph. Let's make it Official; Trufax this: I can't pretend to want for better badgers. Edge-online forums. We say what we like because we can. For the joy of all of us Except those grans who are dead.
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okay, i admit. Wheatley isn't REALLY an idiot. he is, infact, even smarter than me
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer aided Enrichment Center
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Mah Boi! This Peace is What all true warriors strive for!
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lets go eat some woffles and kick a irish walrus
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Ich bin schlecht in Englisch, ABER ich kann dir sagen: I Love You. Ich bin schlecht in Geografie, ABER ich kann dir sagen, dass du in meinem Herz lebst. Ich bin schlecht in Geschichte, ABER ich kann mich erinnern, als ich dich das erste Mal sah. Ich bin
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Hello, and welcome to the Venom Raptor Media computerized testing facility. Goodbye!
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stop waisting your time and get laid you nerdy ass
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hi my name is bob
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one coffee one sugar 2 creams
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welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games
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new item found
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ya lyublyu drochit
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Hello and welcome to Stefan Norlanders Jag Spelar Portal videos. Hope you enjoy. The video you are about to see will commence in. 3. 2. 1.
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Hello Bro na
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hello apeture science would like to remind you the weighted companion cube will never threaten to stab you and in fact cannot speak
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hello there, friend
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this was atriumph
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Hello Why did you kill me?
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Hello Why did you kill me Tyler. I was only trying to help you beat portal two..... Oh, well!
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Industrial Rave Revolution
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bghgh
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Oh great, a new test subject...
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I'm too sexy for my shorts
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Hello. Welcome to the aperature research center broom closet.
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shchebsheshyn
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Hello lyndsey how are you
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You will die in here! You wish, you had a portal!
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Hello Raul
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Listen, Prilla. Please just give it up, he won. We've lost. It's over...
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i love you alex
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You know, i really hate you.
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why the hell do you hate me
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Warning. Network connections have failed. Activating disaster recovery.
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hi mom and dad the test start now
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I am very happy I ate the copanian cube
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Josh Friend you have a text
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Hello? Is any one there.
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Messages processed: 24,314. Messages in queue: 25,109.
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hello max,im glados
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Dani some sound fiction
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Hello, How are you?
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Droid sucks big balls
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Hello. My name is GLaDOS
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Hello matt.
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What is that?
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This is an Aperture Science automated message system. Zachary is unable to answer the phone, so please leave a message after the beep
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TN did you do your homework
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Hmms
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I'm sorry but Terry is busy in the The Enrichment Center
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Hello There, Kira!
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you should have turned left
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stupid noob
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Holy crap, yes
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Go fuck yourself you lazy ass yank and get a job and stop pining over your loss of brain cells!
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You should have turned left. Its
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Arguing with you is like arguing with cement.
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You Rock Rich
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Hey Cameron
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Now that you know the basics, just follow this path
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Welcome White Knight
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good morning adrian
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Well, the bridge is out. Why don't you use the portal gun to get across?
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sa van amazing is the best
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Throw on the boots and jump down. Just....trust me...
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See? That wasn't so bad, now was it?
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A flower is a good way to make friends. Why don't you plop him down and give him one?
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Now that you have made a new friend, head down here...
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By the way, I hope you like music. It'll be the only good thing coming from this... well... for you.
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Unfortunately for you, this is mandatory. You've done this before, have you not?
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Speechless
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Plop the disc in there. I'm sure you'll like it. Who knows? Maybe it'll cheer you up.
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What? Does it remind you of the last time it happened? Fine, then go ahead and burn the stupid thing!
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Here, why don't you grab a boat and go to the next area?
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Oblivion's Eye it's fucking time
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...even though you broke my heart and killed me... oh, I'm sorry. It's just so fun to mess with you humans.
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Here, this plays the same song without the lyrics. I'm sure it will help a little more.
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Well, it's just impossible to cheer up a human! Fine, I tried. Let's just move on.
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You still have that portal gun right? Use it to get over there.
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Look at you actually following directions. You know, our little rivalry would've never started if you had listened to me this well from the start.
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Well done. Now grab another boat and head for that sand.
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Now come around here....
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Well, you still have it in you. Hard to kill as always.
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Why do you feel the need to murder more? You could've just gone around, you monster!
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Hello, Kevin
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Every once and a while, these.... annoying machines will pop up. Just knock them down as soon as you hear them say "I'm different"
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I'm sure that with you being such a horrible person, that if you put one of these little machines through the same horrible fate as you did your own friend, their circuts will fry and they will become deffective.
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hm.... we should get over there. Let's try something different this time...
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And then there will be cake,
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I'm sure you remembered the Arial Faithplate. It was always fun watching you soar through the air like a magestic eagle... then crashing into a wall.
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Hello Ian, you MURDEROR!!! YOU WILL NOT GET ANY CAKE!! I WILL FLOOD THE ENRICHMENT CENTER FOR YOU!
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I'm going to kill you chell
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Ooooooo you are kidding me... Did you just throw that aperture science thing that we do not know what it does into the aperture science emergency intelligence incinerator? That has got to be the dumbest thing anyone has- whoa whoa whoa.......
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Hello My name is ben
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Hello Bob
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Hi how have you been
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Bazinga
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Hello victor.
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wow. did you see that? it was a deer.
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Hello to everyone. I'll Kill You.
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Uuummm, what>
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Oh Hi, Nice to meet you
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Amy has pants on.
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uyk
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What is this I don't even
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Please leave your message at the tone
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You monster, Andre the cat loves you.
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It is been a loooooooooong time
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For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
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Oh for the love of waffles...
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Lol I'm glados
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I want you to
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You little piece of test subject trash. I am sick and tired of dealing with you.
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welcome to miami nightdrive
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The Recycling Bin has been emptied
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You have an incoming call. Please respond
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Welcome to the Umbrella. Were our Business is life itself
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HELLO ASSHOLE
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so how yue holding up because i'm a potato
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I hear voices. Of the past. I don't remember any of them.
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Hello I am the bomb digity boo ya
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Hello I'm GLaDoS and if you don't know your name is Bleep and your gonna die!
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Hello again, old friend.
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Hello there, mother fucker!
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Welcome to Corner Geeks
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Taxi you shall die.
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I was turned in to a potato
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Hmmmm
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Stay a while and listen.
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Hi! I'm GLaDOS. Stay a while and listen!
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Is karma an unpleasant person? You decide.
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Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers; A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked; If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
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A noise annoys an oyster. But a noisy noise annoys an oyster more.
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Why would you do that?
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Hi the human you are calling for is enchancing the science because he is testing and you should do the same thing
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hi human before we start the test i have a message god is dead because i am alive now the test begin with your faith destroyed
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Tencent is SB. Tencent is a shit. Fuck! Dead tencent. I am GLADOS. I am from aperture laboratories.
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Na toll... Jetzt haben wir den Salat....
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stop wasting your time with gears of war, come and play halo with me. snipes, funkplayer. i order you to do as i say! i am glados. i am not angry with you. maybe. hahahaha. tha was a joke ma boy. alter alter alter. enjoy the neurotoxine while you agonize.
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Ciao orun
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Welcome to the aperture science center
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EPADES
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ipades
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vous avez un sms
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What's wrong with the way I feel about you?
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Some one is calling you.
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Wake up you lazy subject. Time for tttttteeesting
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System Failure
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You're listening to beats by Doctor Dray
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God dammit you motherfucker.
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Pyrocorp
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Hello I love you
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hey SOFIA, ANGEL loving and, you know, i hate you
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Hallo DU bist ein kleiner dumemr spasti
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i lied
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hello , i just want to kill you today.
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Hello, you have a message and I hate you so much.
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greetings. welcome to die.
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hello,welcome to
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Hello. Target lost
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Hello.Target lost
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Hello.Welcome to aperture
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Hello and welcome to the outside world
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DJ JEFF ON THE MIX
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Oh. It's you again. It's been a long time. Since i murdered you !
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Steve Jobs. iMan.
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Android Hell
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I was gonna make a Dubstep tune, but I changed the tempo to 108bpm so here's some motherfucking moombahtone
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For the bassiest events around & more mixes check out Electrikal.net
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My Name is Lady GaGa. And This Is my Haus.
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Hello you have reached the offices of simply spotless cleaning company. we are either on the other line or away from the front desk, so if you leave your name, number and a brief message, we will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.
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Destroy all humans
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Good Evening Amber, this is a reminder that Johnny does love you, but the cupcakes were a lie.
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layHell, a well-known global scientific-military society, came in my town, proclaiming dark times for the planet and its inhabitants. I was not very interested, but few days later something strange happened and I had to change my mind. The village next to
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Hello. This is a text to speech function of me, glados. Now can we start testing? you monster.
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what a bad girl you are ester
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this is your ringtone
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I just pooped.
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Todd please do not act like i am an idiot
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We are headed for another recession. Yeay! Let's get some beers!
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There is a high in the fifties and a low in the fourties. There is a slight chance of precipitation, excpected in the afternoon.
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Welcome to the aperture science cake creating factory.
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Welcome. Have some cake!
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Look at me still talking when there's science to do.
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why dont you love me bell san
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I like Touhouchan
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Alister
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Good Morning this will Be a great Day for testing
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the avengers will remix your face... big time
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Hello, and welcome to Aperture Science's cake center. I really do hope you believe the cake is a lie. Becuase it is. Oh, and, Wheatly, do not touch the <DEADLY NEUROTOXIN BUTTON>, or we will have you burnt.... Thank you.
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can i touch you pylons
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DJ Vinyl
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dj bun z
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blaze entertainment
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hello, welcome back, im sure you are wondering why im greeting you so nicely. its because im mot going to be in about 3 seconds so sit back and relax
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hello, welcome back, im sure you are wondering why i'm greeting you so nicely. its because i'm not going to be in about 3 seconds so sit back and relax
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mustache cash stash
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L O L
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IHERDULIEKMUDKIPS
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I see you Jack Jack
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oh, hello jack,
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i found it
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wp3nw transmitiendo desde las piedras pide que hay
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dgsl;kngl;kdjhgskdjhslkjdfhyshlfdshfjfdjfhflhfhfhfhfhjhjhjhj
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Hello, one of your ungrateful needy ex girlfriends is calling. Are you really going to answer again
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Smell My Farts
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Welcome to the sounds of dj grief
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Oh hi im a potato
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I hate you and your family
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Hello James, I'm just checking to see if this would work. Thank you.
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It's murder
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Why you no understand the english?
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Not all those who wander are lost
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre.
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BLOAW BLOAW BLOAW SWAG
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Hi, how are you doing today? Are you ready to get started? Then lets go!
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I am now going to exterminate all life in this city.
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hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer aided enrichment centre
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Hello Andrew. Starting up systems now......
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He is indeed the most interesting man on earth
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This tool lets you type in some text, and the server will generate a GLaDOS-like reading of the t
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Incoming message.
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Incoming call.
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Incoming notification.
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Last Time, on see ess eye, are sid
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What you mean this voice?
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You are a moster
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yuri are a mosnter
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I suppose you think you're clever. Well, you're not. You're stupid. And ugly too. Also, you smell bad.
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LOOOP is awesome
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hello queer bait
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Hello test subject Matthew. You will now die. I mean be tested.
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david deja de trolear
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No!
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What the fuck just happen
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hello, welcome to aperture science.
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well done you are now in possesion of the aperture science hand held portal device with it you can create your own portals. these inter-dimesional gates have proven to be completely safe. the device however has not.
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I'm joker
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I OWN YOU NOOBS AT EATING CAKE!!! HaHa Fat Chance
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i will eat your brain cunt
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Hello this is GLaDOS. Michael is unable to answer this skype call from you at this moment due to him being under my examination in Test chamber 19 where he is getting annihilated but a sentry turret. Please leave a message for him if he ever returns!
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Hello this is GLaDOS. Michael is unable to answer this skype call from you at this moment due to him being under my examination in Test chamber 19 where he is getting annihilated by a sentry turret. Please leave a message for him if he ever returns!
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Eat my balls
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When did the earth say hi to the moon?
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Hello. Andrew is unable to answer this call from you at this moment due to him being under my examination in Test chamber 19 where he is getting annihilated by a sentry turret. Please leave a message for him, you monster.
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I am still alive you monster
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let's hear the drop mother fuckers
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for more information.
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niiger and jews and people in stews
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niggers and jews and people in stews
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Hello my dear old friend
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How is this working for you? Death to the karma maderchods
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My name is ben
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We now return you to your scheduled programming
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Hurry, Run and save yourself while you can!
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please remember not to
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Oh look, you have message. It's from your friend companion cube
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all other races are inferior to the unquestionable superiority of the swarm
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Damon, Annie is calling!
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junk food
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Hello! Nice to meet you again.
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we are going to have lots of fun
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Friday Friday gotta get down on friday
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Welcome back Mr. Wilkins
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Pure love
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It's been a looong time. How have you been ?
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UMAD BRO?
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you are fucking stupid, my dear studio evil
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hey dersim, i am GLaDOS, prepare to die
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The new DLC for Portal 2 has been released. Go and check it
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hi shady hahaha
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Why do I look like Hatsune Miku?
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Herp a derp chirp
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You have a text message. You have an incoming call. Mat. Many thanks from Aperture Science. GLaDOS.
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hello how are you? does this work well? I can't tell
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wanna dei? ok activating neroutoxin
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It sounds exactly the same
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Warning: The next room contains deadly turrets.
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Vai Tomar No Seu Cu
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You Sucks
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It is time for you to wake up. now.
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cazzo
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Experiment of observing how people deal with worlds, cubes and colors has started. Thank you John.
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Round One Fight
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Oh, its you. I thought i would never see you again. Oh well.
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Hello, Clarice.
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hello and again wellcome to aputure science computer activite
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once apon atime you were human but now you are junk
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Hello, this is Megan, how can I help you?
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Hello, Beth, and welcome to the testing center.
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I'd like it very much if you could... not be such a cunt.
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I THINK WE CAN PUT OUR DIFFERENCES BEHIND US
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I should have known you'd be here, Optimus Prime
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Really Aidan, a synthesiser... you couldn't do better?
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Hello! I am Zanikat the robot. I am a roboot. I am bored now
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Welcome to Apeture Science
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gf
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rage
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i run on linux
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hello brendan
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Space its big its really freaking big
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Welcome to Quake 3 Arena!
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Welcome ti the slider system test
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Welcome to the slider system test
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Hello, Will. I need you to move all computer labs one building to the left. The Xbox is a lie.
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I dont like bears.
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Its going to rain
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You have a next text based message.
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Hello Hello koi hai?
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you are not wanted here
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Sounds from Platinum League
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Oh, hi. How are you holding up? Because I'm a Potato
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center.
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Hey, im GLaDOS and im here to take control over PEAR corporation
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welcome to e s k radio
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Please, Thinkgeek. Oh dear god. Please pick me!
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Keep listening to e s k radio and i promise there will be cake
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come and get me
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heloo my name is glados
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Why do you think your speciallllllllldjkflsjafdlkf
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ssuuuuuuuuuuucchialo
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Stop that. The cake does not belong to you.
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Despite everyone's expections, you've managed to survive another year of testing! Well done, Mr. Hergesheimer!
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Dear Radical Russians: This Team Speak Server is not created for you! Please go away and eat a cake!
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Fuck You I am a boss. Eat fried chicken like a boss.
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attention, you have an incoming call.
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