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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello, and again, welcome to the enrichment senter
Download09/20/2011Not recorded
Dearest Hunter. You've tried your best. Good for you, unfortunately, Your best was not up to my satisfaction. I might have to euthanize you, Tell me if it hurts.
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We should consider setting our differences behind us, you monstrous egocentric lunatic.
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Hello there Hunter. Guess what? You've tried your best. Good for you, unfortunately, Your best was not up to my satisfaction. I might have to euthanize you, Tell me if it hurts.
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Hello. Welcome. To hell
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Hello and welcome. Today we will be testing you [Insert subject name here]. Please feel free to get comfortable as I prepare to ki--I mean entertain you
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Hello Tristan, you smell like a chicken.
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Joana you are banana and macaca and cigana
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Now a rainbow's tale isn't quite as nice As the story we knew of sugar and spice But a rainbow's easy once you get to know it With the help of the magic of a pegasus device
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Hi im bob
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Your cake is ready,
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go die
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hello boy
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Poop
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Yes, Merry Christmas indeed.
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you suck playing this game
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Self-destruct sequence activated. Four minutes to total annihilation.
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T minus two minutes to annihilation. The Aperture Science enrichment Center would like to remind you to check that no personal belongings are left in the lobby. The will be incinerated.
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T minus three minutes to annihilation.
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T minus one minute to annihilation. Remember, the Central AI chamber is designed to withstand blasts of up to 4,000 tons of tnt. The Test Chambers, however, are not.
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I'ts been a long time.
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Oh, hello there. I'm afraid I will have to kill you.
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chris coyne
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Machinegunner to the wall
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qq
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Some people just need a high five In the face... With a chair...
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Too bad, I'm going to have to destroy you now
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and the science gets done and you make a neat gun to blow the fuckers away
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Globe of geek is aperture science approved
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Thanks for calling Life Insurance 4 diabetics.We are currently out of the office. Pleas leave a message and we will return your call.
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Warning.... Low Battery
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I bet you want that cake i told you about in test chamber 18, well, IT'S A LIE! no cake for you! idiot.
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i fucking hate you
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bryce is a freaking homo.
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Hello Matthew. Welcome back.
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You are receiving an incoming phone call - you had best answer it, or else.
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Please move quickly to the chamber lock
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Bonjour?
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hey baby, do you think you have eaten enough?
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Please check Your phone for incoming message, whatever shit You may receive
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Welcome back Oliver
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hi i am mehmet
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Hello my name is victoria. I have never played portal but this looks pretty cool.
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Welcome to Our Cooperative Lets Play of Portal 2!
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oi eduardo
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Hello. Welcome to the test chamber number one.
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Wake up! Wake up! You're late for work!
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You are now logged onto Aperture Laboratories, request pending. Please wait. Personnel Authorized, Access granted, Please remeber you are being monitored
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Welcome back Fiona
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NOM, NOM, NOM
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hello. What's your name?
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Alon Laudon
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This is GLaDOS and i'm here to say: NOM, NOM, NOM
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But there's no use crying over every mistake
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I'm blue da ba dee da ba die, mm daba dee daba die. what the fuck
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Fuck you mofo
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Attention, Dave the Slayer is in the house
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Hello, welcome to the After-Sense facility, test subject 30. The power-up in front of you, alters the rate of your speed. When you obtain the object, you can press Q to use it.
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please don't hurt me
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in the name of darkness
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Hello, Stefan im GLaDOS, please do not be alarmed. I mean the best for you. Do what I say and there will be cake. I promise.
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My name is Joachim
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You Monster
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Go fuck yourself You monster.
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it took me years to get this tiny, I wasn't sick I was strong
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Hello Lawrence pleased to meet you
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I dream of a future where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.
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Welcome to the test facility subject bee 36203. You will find your rooms to the left. Please step through the main doors into the facility testing grounds. There is no turning back now. Step into the portal.
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kim
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Step into the portal to be taken to your test location: Mine craft
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Hello my name is vicky
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Hi there, I am LEmMY, and this is my page.
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Shotgun to the face! ... ... Beam Overload to the Face! ... ... Emergancy power to get me the fuck out of here! ... ...
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Welcome, visitor name here, to my Deviant art page. I am Ptolemy, do enjoy the Cake.
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I Love JugendZentrum
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Good Morning, User Number Three Hundred and Three, and welcome to your assigned station.
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I killed you, you killed me...that is not nice
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Hullo Titte was gayt up?
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hello I am GLADOs
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Welcome to Minecraft subject bee 32603
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oh joy , a voice mail
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bienvenido al dia del empleado 2011
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you never be mine. this makes me sad. however,
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hello ther, i've hacked into this...thing, and now I'll make you go insane! who I am? I am god! but you can call me Dingo!
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welcome to the aparature science enrichment centre,you will be now destroyed!!!
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hello there, i've hacked into this...thing, and now I'll make you go insane! who I am? I am god! but you can call me Dingo!
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hello child, come into my candy van
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Privet. Ya GLaDOS. Eto Aperture Science. A tochnee ego sait
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Hello Dante Blackheart!
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Welcome to mayomeeey
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Hello, Dante. This is GLaDOS, please do not be afraid. I mean the best for you. Do what I say and there will be cake. I promise. And now, please pic up your Phone.
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Hello Dante Blackheart and welcome to the Aperture science intelligence center, My name is GLaDOS and I will be watching you until the end of your test
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hallo ich bin der echem fan in 3 2 1 fliege ich auf die fresse!
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dei mudder
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I Love you
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Please, proceed to engage the principal motors.
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hi my name is alex
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Todi stinkt nach scheise
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New item found
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The Segment for today is capital punishment
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Hello, Android, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Social Enrichment activity. To proceed, please retreive your Aperture Handheld Companion communication device, and slide the Aperture Science Cellular super-sliding super button.
Download09/21/2011Not recorded
Cake, and Grief counseling will be provided for you at the conclusion of testing. Goodbye!
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Push me, then just touch me, till I can get my. Satisfaction
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This is a triumph
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Good work! I'm delivering the first core. Grab it and incinerate it.
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Hello Alonso, welcome to Aperture. Ready to eat a cake?
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Hello, I see what you are doing there can't help but be alarmed.
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This was a triumph. I'm placing a sign here: Huge Success! It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Mojang AB: They make awesome games, because they can, for the good of all of us except the ones who don't care. But there's no sense crying over every los
Download09/21/2011Not recorded
Go fuck yourself
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Well then, Let's get started. Shall We?
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Well then, Let's get started. Shall We
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Hey, Dom, somebody is trying to get hold of you,best answer, you popular man you
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oh its you mario could i intrest you in some ca-- uh pasta? yes pasta hahahahahhaahah im a potato
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you may think that this is glados, nope Chuck Testa
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hallo you morron. isn't it stupid to think that you can actually win this. I have a neurotoxin gas here and i have lasers and rockets ha ha ha
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Hello Maria. It's been a long time. How are you?
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I farted.
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Oh hi Alex, your test results just came in. That's odd. It says, you are a horrible person.
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Heeelo and welcome to aarons super duper poo scooping school of doom chacahcahcahch I like Modern Warfare Two . Ah DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Yeah.
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A turret sharded
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Bless your face.
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Yes, i hate you. SHUUT UUP!
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Hello, Betty. I think you are pretty cute, for an ugly child.
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I've been busy being constructed of ABS plastic.
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Intro of darkness, then redness, then whiteness. Welcome audience.
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fuck you muthr fucker
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Hi Mooshy
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Booze is in the fridge. Don't let mom catch you.
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Don't be so hard on yourself, you just made a mildly amusing gif. So there's that.
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Hello Carbon Based Life Form. Would you like a Cola?
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You want your freedom? Take it.
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HI im Tyler
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sam u are soooo gay
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welcome to apuerter science
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hello and welcome to explorer
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The first test will be walking and jumping please try that now by jumping to the door
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Hello. How are you. I wanted you to know that me and wheatley are GOING to kill you.
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I shat in my pantaloons
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Hello, and welcome Chell
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Brynn. We can put our differences aside, for science, You monster.
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Brynn, I love you. For Science. You moster.
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Dismissing the uniformed officer, Detective Carl Lambeth ushered the young woman into the interrogation room. The fragrance of her expensive perfume sweetened the air and masked the stench of the prisoner who preceded her.
Download09/21/2011Not recorded
Abby, my name is glad ose, Tyler has told me of you
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Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
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Dennis likes pumpkin beer
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this next test is about safety, and science
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hello sean you have a text message
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I'm actually quite suprised that you haven't said anything. Am I bothering you? Wait, no that's impossible. Your brain capacity is too small to feel emotion. It's funny actually. How this can go on a whole earth day and you wouldn't say a thing.
Download09/21/2011Not recorded
fuck you agnes
Download09/21/2011Not recorded
Oh hi there. Were my insturctions not clear enough? I thought I told you to stay away.
Download09/21/2011Not recorded
We here at the Enrichment Center regret to inform you that there will be a gap between the second and third episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
Download09/21/2011Not recorded
earthquake. open. absent. I earn. outlook. barber. themselves. doing. judgement. aircraft. enchant. eighteenth. feelings. guitar. handshake. evening. erase. event. union. confused. later. mirror. nearby. augment. order. oily. playground. army. option.
Download09/21/2011Not recorded
hello, welcome to aperture science
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Hello, I'm Glados
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You probably thought that was funny. It wasn't.
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a SYMBOL OF HOPE IN ARE GALXCY STANDING THERE AS A HOPE SYBOL IN THE STARS , CONSTILATION , HOPE
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Hello. Get ready for science.
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xenta por favor no te hagas la chula y levantate puta
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My name is Bri
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I will make your face die.
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I flip tooth umbrella hopped a pumpkin
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Shut the fuck up fish spill. So says the word of me. Glad ohs.
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Good news everyone.
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Good news everyone. I think I have discovered a cure for aging, wait, no, that is just a picture of me when I was 10 years old.
Download09/21/2011Not recorded
Anyhorae, you are all welcomed in the ACR DevTest quarters, on the fift floor, for some cake and soda(The cake is a lie).
Download09/21/2011Not recorded
Learn to use glados voice
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you are dumb
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You are a moron, you know that right?
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hi dude, you will be dead by tomorrow
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I hope you find this funny
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witaj w domu
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hhahahhahahaha BLA
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D J cymbals
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you are designed to be stupid.
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Vaelkommen till vaur fore studae infoer think aloud protocoll.
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I believe someone is attempting to call you. Shall I warm up the deadly neurotoxin now?
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Hi! I'm GLADOS
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NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA 200% NIGGA LUke likes to eat coc ALWDOWDLAWOLDAOWDL
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Soy glados y voy a mataros a todos que paseis un buen dia hahaha
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OH MY GOOOOOD
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clik
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Mother Fucker
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Helllo ther and welcome back
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being all alone again? that's okay.I am watching you.we should soon start doing some tests.it will be fun.I missed you
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Hey, teaher! Leave them kids alone! All in all you're just another brick in the wall. Pink Floyd rules.
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Rico you are a asshole. I really mean it. you are.
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fashion podcast
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For your own safety and for the safety of others do not step into the light.You might encounter a pooped deer.
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Hello I am GLaDOS
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Black mesa
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I love you valve...
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Let's put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
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gfh
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In 200 meters, turn left
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You are an eagle. A fat eagle. With to many pounds. You monster
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Hello Daniel, How are you right now?
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Hello I am Glados and I am going to kill you
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hello my master you have a message
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Hello people
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Can you hear me?
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looool mori fuck you
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You have reached Ed Bellinger,This message is for the work week of september 19 through september 24, I will be in the office monday through thursday, and off friday.Please call the helpdesk at,7,0,9,5,4,5,4, for assistance.
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Hello subject number 1498. Let us begin the testing, shall we?
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Go subscribe to TheWizenhymer on youtube. You dumbass.
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YES
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hallo mads
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I am GlaDOS
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nooooooooo
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Hello I Am GLaDOS
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Hello. Is anybody there?
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hello, you have a new message
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Hello You have received a text message
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Hello udri
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udri
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Wait, no, you're just die.
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Hello. Welcome to the morning stream, you monster.All Frog pants technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin.
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Good morning, and welcome to the morning stream. Anyone found concealing contraband will be given bacon.
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Oh, it's you... You have an incoming message...
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hallo wipe dj
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Hi, my name is GLaDOS, my task is to inform you when you recieve a message... Like now...
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well here we are again. its always such a plesure.
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well here we are agian
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here
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remember when i tried to kick your ass
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You! Continue building!
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the answer is 42
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Hell
Download09/22/201107/18/2013
hello you
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Copy Clear
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Hi, i am glados
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Hello there. My name is GLaDOS, and welcome to Apertur Science. You, Carlos, are the next test subject. Are you ready?
Download09/22/2011Not recorded
Vincent, no one likes you, especially Scotty and Isabella.
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Mark, why are you taking these tests? We all know you will fail them
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Fuck you miss
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paul is amazing in the sack
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Haters gonna hate, Lovers gonna love. Get a life, man.
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warning. energy stats are low. please recharge imeadiately
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Activate. Modify.
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Hello i am Glados
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You Monster!
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warning energy stats are low please recharge imeadiately
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warning battery stats are low please recharge them now
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Science has now proven that you are a complete asshole.
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hello i wish a had a portal gun
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warning battery low
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warning battery low please recharge
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error ocur
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Welcome to the TGS forum
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Who is This
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What the fuck!?
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you are fat. you know that right?
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im gonna bust some heads!
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im gonna bust some heads.
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HellO sir how was your day is olivia with you there she is!
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systems up and running at full percent
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systems up and running at 100 percent
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device detected in u s b port
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device detected in u s b
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hhahaha
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Conley's seal is obviously photoshopped, yet still pwns the other seals her classmates shall create
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From Denmark to Sweden Beowulf decided to sail. This marks the beginning of his epic tale.
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The catcher in the rye
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Humberto is very gay
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test me
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HEllo
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A little bird told me it was your birthday... so I killed it. Happy Birthday Derek
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Hi, I am GLaDOS
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Why dont you look for caroline?
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Hello, Welcome to my Super duper home
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Das es a schreibtisch. Du nehmen das papier und kubleschreiber.
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I know your probally trying to kill someone else but you have a new message
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Why hello, I love you.
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Hello, I am GLaDOS. I need to have a talk with you. Now now there, don't be afraid.
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This appears to be too formulaic to be the result of chance and yet too stupid to be design. I will require more data.
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greetings! my name is GLaDOS!
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that's so filthy
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chell! stop trying to escape and come to my lair
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Please move quickly to the chamberlock
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"that's so filthy"
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Fuck you ana
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The cake is a lie!
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You have a message.
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Uploading
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Minecraft is amazing and I will stop testing just to play hours of it
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This is really a great game. Seriously. If it wasn't so great, why would it be in beta for 2 years? Clearly perfection is what they are after. Or a lot of bugs.
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Remember when I said cake was waiting when testing ended? I lied.
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Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, Never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
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Rev up those fyers
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Sachin, why are you so mean to me? Why?
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I love you, Chell...And I'm not lying...Really...
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ah,hello kari,it's been a long time hasn't it
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Lawrence, your phone is ringing! Please pick it up! Or should I call you Lord Toxygene?
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Oh hi. I'm a potato
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Welcome to the aperture sceince enrichment center
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Hello Mason. This has been a message from Rainbow Dash. You are the one who will save this world, Mason. Remember that.
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Hello humans how are you
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chell i love you
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why did you eat my cake?
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Hello. I want to kill you. Please, stay where you are.
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It's been a looong time my friend. We are going to have so much fun.
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Insane Gaming Media
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whoop whoop
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madness? this. is. SPARTA!!!
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Welcome to the Paragon Technologies Research Facility in Blackwood Kentucky, how can I help you.
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im still here
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hello and welcome to minecraft
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Hello there Millie. Your dear "Boyfriend" has somehow managed to get away with rewriting my song. I hope you enjoy it, because I certainly wont.
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hallo ich bin Florian
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Someone's calling you, you've got a phone call- baby please pick it up now or I'll die in 10 secs. ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two and one. Bye. I no longer live.
Download09/23/2011Not recorded
Someone's calling you, you've got a phone call- baby please pick it up now or I'll die in 10 secs. ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two and one. Bye. I no longer live
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Come here Brian Blessed and Gary Coleman. You are cool
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you is a dumb
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William, you look like a girl
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Can I have any Jam Sandwiches?
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Alenka
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hello and again welcome to the aperture science computer edited enricment center.
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I hate you...
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Hello John, Welcome to the apature science enrichment center. You will recieve your copy of Portal 2 very soon. Good luck.
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its been a loooooooooong time
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Oh....its you.well,im sure we can put our differences aside,for science,you monster
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Hello......Bobby Anaya....... I want to kill you and your family...
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Jo alles klar
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I would like to test things out
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Telefon ti zvoni, javi se
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Hello ibrahim, how are you doing today?
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Shutting down all programs. I hope to see you again soon. Good bye!
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Hey you there
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Things aren't supposed to be this simple. Please check the imput again and make the nescesary corrections.
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Welcome to the aperture science enrichment center. Please note that you will be killed by an angel, and baked into cake.
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lol i am so cool
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hei iman du er veldig stupid hahahaha ismail writed this
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hei iman du er veldig stupid hahahaha ismail writed this lol
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DJ Nikrits
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Boink!
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shit piss motherfucker tits
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Yanti-sis, why did you deactivate your account at DeviantArt??? Do you have a new account at least?
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Oh, no, its Kraschnark
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insane beat!
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Hello. The Aperture Science Enrichment Center is starting up.
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Get a haircut, William.
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I got the moooooooooo oo oo ooves like jagger
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alex is a wanker
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Welcome to the Aperture Science enrichment center.
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well you found me congratulations was it worth it
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Sleep mode activated
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89.7 WSHC
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wot ar you dowing
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what are you doing stop it
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Lucy is a wanker
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I am so share you got hert
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I didn't no you no how to make thes
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I did it
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I didit
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how did you doit
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how did you duit
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how did you du it
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hi and again welkm
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hi and again Welsh i woes reel
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hi and again welsh i woes reel
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hi joe
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hi GLaDOS
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NO nonononono
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hello wetle
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hello wetly
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hello joe
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hello I am GLaDOS
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papercrafts
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The only thing you've managed to beak so far, is my heart.
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In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.
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Well hi there
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hello joseph you wont cake
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Platypus
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Thank you for calling alys mobile device. He is unavailable at the moment
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Thank you for calling shining star non emergency transportation all operators are busy at this time. Please leave your name and detailed message and we will return your call as soon as possible
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hello savannah
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hello Savannah
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Science rhymes with compliance.
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Welcome to Aperture Science Enricment Center. Please, enter your user name and password to begin testing.
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I didn't kill you. Why? Beacause YOU din't kill me... You see, I have got some honour...
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You are not a potato. You don't know, how it's annoing...
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hello Joseph you Wont Cake
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hello Joseph you wont cake
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I am sorry Im not that kind of doctor ... yay you should not have let me do that
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I like the cake
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If you love ebay so much, why don't you marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU!
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i feel bad for that spris
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ha is that a portal gun
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hi I did not no your on hotmail
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Hey! What are you doingStop that!
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hello chell is it me or have you gotten fat no its you you are fat
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Hello Nick. Would you like some cake?
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critical system failure , please contact the nearest a aperture engineer , thanks for you colaboration .
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Judas Jew dah ah ah Judah ga ga
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Hello again. It's been a long time. But don't worry will we get back to normal testing. As usual
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Hi my name is GLaDOS. Hi my name is GLaDOS. Hi my name is GLaDOS. THIS IS SPARTA! Hi my name is GLaDOS. Hi my name is GLaDOS. Hi my name is GLaDOS. TAKE ME HIGHER!
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oh hi so how are you holding up because i'm a potato
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I am a virgin because I have a stupid voice.
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Welcome to ROBLOX
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Welcome Cristian, nice to see you again.
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Hi Mike, i'm GLaDOS to meet you
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Anyway, this cake is great, it's so delicious and moist
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Hello Chell
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Hello Jason, may I interest you in a game?
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i hate the cake
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I farted cause I wanted to
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hello aspin
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ae turret
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I have looked for you for a looong time. You had to know, that I am your fate! I am GlaDos. I am the herald of the apocalypse. You had to know that. Now you now the only truth in this world. Youst follow GlaDos for saving your soul.
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FUCK YOU
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The Evening Show - Sponsored By Bee Mobile School Of Motoring 0191 2375399
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Fuck You!
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i ges we no that isnt
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i ges we no that inst going to ha pin
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Welcome baaaaaaack
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i yes we no that inst going to ha pin
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i guess we no that inst going to ha pin
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Oh, Hello. I'm GLaDOS. A potato.
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i guess we both no that inst going to ha pin
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harou everynyan
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hello aspen
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Welcome back mike.
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i love you you love me lets have a massive blood orgie
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CHECK
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i dont think this will work
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timeutxasjx
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timeout for a ssecond
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nyannyannyannyannyan
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hey hey filip youre phone rings
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Jason you are a horrible person
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alex folts is gay
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Hello and welcome to the official David Salay Science Quiz
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You better sleep with one eye open!
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Welcome To Beatlesguy44 Testing initiative. I am Genetic life-form and disk operating system or Glados for short at the end of the teting there will be cake and explosion wednesday will be a thing
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There's a hole in the sky through which things can fly
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What? Why would you do that? I told you not to. Why didn't you listen?
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Peter O'Brian
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houston
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I like trains
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The Titanic
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i am the most awesome in the world
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Herp Derp...I LIKE TRAINS...
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Now I only want you gone!
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This message is from the aperture science center. You have been selected as our next test specimen. Please, make room in your schedule to visit our aperture center.
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welcome to aperture lab............%RG$FG$#$WF sorry about that
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tolga
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asdas dasdads asdasdadasdasddas
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Not in cruelty Not in wrath The REAPER came today An ANGEL visited this gray path And took the cub
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because i could not stop for death he kindly stopped for me the carriage held but just ourselves and immortality
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hey you. yea you. your phone is ringing. pick it up.
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hey you. yea you. your phone is ringing. pick it up. i would love to pick it. but you know i'm a potato.
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This a try
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hi Fernando i was expecting if you would like a piece of this delicius cake
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Hello Kyle, How are you today?
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hello there sian. please assume the party submission position for cake and death
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Hello Christina
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I can see you
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pizza hut pizza
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Hello. How are you today? That's good because I want to play a game.
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A simple test
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i hate you , go die
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I FRIKING HATE YOU! GET THE HECK OUT!!!!!
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fernando que te anda pasando
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Please answer the mechanized mobile computing device. If you do not, there won't be any cake for you. I repeat no cake.
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what the fucking shit
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in my professional opinion, corrina's nuts are everything but fresh,
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Everything in this video belongs to its repective owners.
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Why hello there
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Oh hi, I am GladOs. A potato
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Hello Greg. Welcome back. Be sure to check your mail and pay any recently updated bills.
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das traditionelle wiener schnitzel ist immer mich kalbfleisch zubereitet
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No. Just. No.
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Hello. I want to kill you
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This takes to long. Fail.
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Oh lordy. You almost died there.
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Hello and welcome to the aperture sience enrichement center.We should start testing in five minits so just stand here and wait elliot.When the test is done you can get some cake.If you make it out alive ofcourse.God luck elliot.Testchamber will open in 3
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hello seppo its been a long time.Im just wondering if you want to try some test chambers.You can get cake.If you make it out alive.Maby we can talk over it.What do you say seppo?Call me back if you want to try a portal device.By by seppo end remember.Cake
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asdlfjaslkfjasd
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Bienvenue dans les salles de test
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Orange Scythe
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Would you just please shut up?
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hello there, I am to make sure you do not make it out in one piece
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Hello Subject number 1. Please stay safe on the internet.
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Tomas are sexy
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i like to lick small yet satisfying phallis
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What have you done, for science?
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Work It Make It Do It Makes Us
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Good work. The world is safe.
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Work It, Make It, Do It, Makes Us
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kkkkkkkkkkkkkk
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text wale driving
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hello naomi
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that's you. that's how dumb you sound.
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I kill you, Thibaut
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Hi Blade in the next room you must capture padre pio
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Welcome, are you ready to begin?
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If you attack other people in sandbox you're not strong, nor cool. you're just a moron. so, please, don't
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here is your cake
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Doc Bot 132-7 has reported you dead. Please turn in all personal equipment.
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Hello Zen.How are you today?
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DANIEL tag den skide telefon nu ellers klare du ikke missionen
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