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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
This experimentally-invisible modification to the Aperture Science Handheld Acronym Needer allows you to resize objects in both scale and mass. Imagine little Billy’s dumbstruck dumbface at your next birthday party. I’m talking the big cake here.
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It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know...After you killed you murdered me?
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Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences beside us. For science you monster.
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Hello You Are The Best Person Ever,Yeah That Was Bullcrap You're So Retarded You Couldn't Compete In The Special Olympics Because You Weren't Smart Enough.
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Oh my... I hope I did not brained my damage!
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You have received a message on face book
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You have received a new text message from Mariah
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Oh Joy, you have received a new face book message.
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Some one has just linked you on twitter
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The whole voice generating process can be relatively long (about ~6 minutes per sentence), and many people may use this tool at the same time
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Remember when you posted on /v/ saying your dad was dead and i said 'Jason's Dad is dead' and you were like 'NO WAY!' and then i was all 'we pretended we were making fun of you?' that was great!
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If you think that the current test chamber is that easy, think again...
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You might want to grab the box
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oooo this makes cool noizez
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No matter how many times you try that, the box won't go through the emancipation grid.
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Hello there. How are you?
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Now that you have tipped all the turrets, you should try to finish the test.
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You have successfully completed "The noob chamber"
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As noted by the indicator at the front of the chamber, there is supposedly cake. Unfortunately for you... I lied.
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welocm to black mesa we happy to see you on black mesa
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That was stupid.
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There is no cake, just a lot more testing.
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I am actually Gay
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I am actually Gay. Really
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Dear Subject Name Here, Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even tho
Download06/03/2010Not recorded
Dear Subject Name Here, Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise.
Download06/03/2010Not recorded
And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word "surprise",
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There is an incoming call sir, do you wish to answer?
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You have recieved a new text message
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You have recieved a new multimedia message
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Good to see you again sir
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Incoming phone call sir
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Caller disconnected, voicemail saved to key
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incomming call, do you wish to authorize and connect?
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Text based message transmitted and saved to database
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incomming text based transmission saved to database
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incoming multimedia transmission, downloading transmission, transmission saved to sector M M T X T
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like oh my god, im so in lovw, i fouynd you finally, u got me saying. Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh OH Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh My God
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Why don't you just leave?
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love you, aleksandra
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The weighted companion cube must now be euthanized.
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Hello! This is a message from harry call hoon asking you why you have not given him any money in the last three years
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suck my wang
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Hello, test subject number 4. Here you can check your electronic mails sent via testing aparatus
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Auto AFK Cleaning In Five Seconds
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Releasing Deadly Neurotoxins
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Auto AFK Cleaning In One Minute
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caleb
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suck my balls
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dsadas
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you love doing this dont you
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hello amit my name is GLaDOS and i wil suck your balls
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amit koro is the bes mother fucker in the world!
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my name is GLaDOS and i wil suck any dudes d1ck!!!!!!!
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who's footprints are these?
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hey Snot
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hey what are you doing my name is snot i also go by scott. i would like to be your friend if you would let me i would be much proud to have you as a friend for I think you are wonderful and awesome as well as exciting to be around. thank you for listenin
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If you love that thing so much, then why don't you marry is? Well I won't let you! How does that feel?
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I want to hear my remix soon Jonny
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You must configurate the configuration
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I'm GLaDOS and this is my favorite store on the Citidel
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I'm GLaDOS and this is my favorite store on the Citadel
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You must configurate the configurable configuration. Your noncomplience with this directive will break my heart.
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<script language="javascript">alert("XSS!");</script>
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Happy Birthday Jeremy
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You crazy bastard
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thisweekinawesome.com
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helo and welcome to the...SQUIRREL...were did tht come from o well ill solve that mystery later by myself be cause you will wooh wohh woooooh SQUIRREL IN CIRCUIT MUST BE DELETED...o that thing has numbers on it....
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of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.
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Rise from your grave.....You are Listening to an audio representation about Videogames. The following is a fabrication of what has happened over the last seven days. Please do not take this to be the truth proper as it is not.
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welcome to the apricher labritory SQUIRREL TRAINING FACILITY were did that come from o well its a mystery i will figure out by myself
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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Sed ut enim nulla, at aliquet justo. Curabitur vel neque et augue fringilla posuere.
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Hello. Welcome to Amir
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Hello. Welcome to Amir's house
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Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Dear Reaper, Happy Birthday to you!!!
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Hello, I am GLaDOS, you will be undergoing tests to see how long you can actually last, if you survive, you get cake.
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GLaDOS welcomes you today
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Smelly Cheese Feck Arse Girls Horse Biscuit Shit Head Bah Hum Bug Oranges Milk. That pie is a spy.
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I am on holiday. Not for long however. Fuck.
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Monkey balls.
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This puzzle is a hard one, you can give up if you like.
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Hello and, again, welcome to the arpeture science computer aided enrichment centre. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a SQUIRREL one. I love SQUIRRELS.
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This is an outright, fabrication. Configure the configurable configurator to configurate the configurator or you will uthenised. Afterwards you will be thanked and then there will be squirrel aids. I mean cake, cakecakecakecakecake.
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Welcome To The Hero Gamers
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Hello, Jey. Want to play a game?
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hi hi hi hi welcom to black mesa i GLaDOs i from black mesa now is time is to tell you what is black mesa m.r bader is bolding
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welcom to black mesa we happy to see you in black mesa i GLaDos Now is time test area is yours to test ares the test area from 1 of 19
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I am supprised you made it this far. But this is as far as you go. Now turn back. or be destroyed.
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Yo!
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This puzzle should a surprise to you!
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Initiating surprise in 3...2...1
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Dear Subject Name Here, Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the canc
Download06/05/2010Not recorded
Dear Subject Name Here, Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise.
Download06/05/2010Not recorded
of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise. If you’d like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or,
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"All subjects intending to handle high-energy gamma-leaking portal technology must be informed that they may be informed of applicable regulatory compliance issues. No further compliance information is required or will be provided
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sorry but this is a text service and no calls will be answered
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hi , ken b yuen , how are you?
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hello,and hi , play sf online now ?
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please download the game that i gave you
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HI, I AM Qoota,how are you?what wre you doing?hahahaha!!!stupid, i am playing you ,hahaha!!!nice job,see you!!!bye bye good bye!
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RUBBISH tank ,eat shit,you fucking ass hole,i'm kick ass
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Hello Alhon, it seems I found something rather interesting on the internet.
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Hi, and welcome to the aperture science inrichtment centre please take in note that we are not responserble for your health and saftey
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i love pie
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For a few dollars more, we can put it on a T-Shirt!
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Jasraj Kalsi
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Pussyole
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You know the drill. Incinerate the companion cube.
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By now this can't have been much of a surprise.
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The companion cube must die
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hello and again. welcome to the apature science enrichment centre.
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hello and again welcome to the apature science enrichment centre.
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Thank you for assuming the party escort submission position. Congratulations. The test is over. It was a fun test, and we're all impressed at how much you won. We are very very happy for your success.
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We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success. A big party, that all of your friends are invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube.
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Now I have a surprise for you. You will be baked, and then there will be cake. Enjoy the cake while you can. Because next year you may be dying, but I’ll be still alive.
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The Enrichment Center reminds you, that all weighted storage cubes are NOT weighted companion cubes, and thus, are not relative to your . . . survival.
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facepalm
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HI,,, I ,,AM,, Qoota,,,how,, are,, you?,,,,what,,are,, you,, doing?,,,ha ha ha ha,,,,stupid, i, am, playing ,you ,,,,, ha ha ha ,,,,nice, job,,,,see you,,,,,,good bye!”
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The next number has been called. It is on your screen now.
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The Roblox GLaDOS reminds you, that I am, in fact, still alive.
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I almost told you that I loved you
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Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment Would you capture it or just let it slip? His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's forgettin' He's nervous, b
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Releasing Deadly Neuron-Toxins
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No Luke. I am your father
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hi,,,,.and............hello,,,,,,,,i,,,am,,qoota,,,,,,,.what,, are ,,you ,,doing,,,,.i,,,,,am...,,,playin,,,you,,,,ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ,,,,,stupid!
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I am playing team fortress 2
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Congratulations! You have won. You have successfully destroyed me inside, I hope you are happy... I take it that you would want to do it again considering how much of a cruel and hateful person you are.
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i love you baby
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Hello my name is GlaDos, I hope that u can stand still while my satalite take aim at you
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Helle, my name is aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, <a href="http://google.fr">test</a> §§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§
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this is a cake from black mesa this is a Gift to you Because Successful the tast area from 1 from 19 Thank you for black mesa research facility
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Dear Subject Name Here, Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater.
Download06/06/2010Not recorded
The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise.
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Thank you for [[RECORD SCRATCH!!!]] PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.
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Welcome to the digital gordium podcast starting in 3 2 1
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boys n girlz club
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attempting to download that file will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your test record followed by death
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New Instant message
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new e mail
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Well you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you’ve managed to break so far is my heart.
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Well you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing youv managed to break so far is my heart.
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Welcome to TheDragonTeam systems. Have a nice DaY
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Alert! Alert!
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You got a message - walk to your computer and see it now!
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Please! Don't inject me...
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Ohhh!!! I've found a new device...
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Hello Michael, Welcome To Aperture Labs, The Testing Will Begin In, 3, 2, 1
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Hello what are you doing?
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O M G
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W T F
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hei,what are you doing?
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I think i should kill you
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So?
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if you do it again,i will kao lee yaaa fun.
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shit!
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Weeeeiiiirrrrrd!
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Thank you for calling the Young's are not home right now. Please leave a message after the beep and feel free to have some cake.
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I forgot my pants in the dish washer.
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I like big belly. TEE HEE HEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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Welcome to the aperture science voicemail centre. Aidan isn't here right now, but I can take a message for you.
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Welcome to the remix
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hey wasup beatch
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Work it harder make it better do it faster makes us stronger
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I think Julian is upset
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Where is your precious fucking cube now? Huh! HUUU-UHH? I am not any ordinary robot..I am your maker, I am GlaDos.
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Shit on my clit,
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brrrrap
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I cannot believe such stupidity...
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Hello, I will kill you.
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Welcome to Manual Media
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stop shaking your bootie!
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Hello Joshua Wilson and again welcome to the Aperture Science cpmputer aided enrichment center
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I must not throw test subjects into a fire
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Hello. This is Adenosine
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Welcome.
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I'm still alive.
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Good morning. Today begins your evaluation report. There will be cake when you are finished. Please step inside the train. I choo choo choose you to be the next subject. Nadie ha sobrevivido nunca las pruebas.
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w[roheqriur
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you will be baked, and then there will be cake
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you better watch out
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That's how dumb you sound
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Valve has apparently canceled its planned Portal 2 event during E3 for a new surprise. An e-mail was sent out to gaming press today that announced the cancellation. Read the entire message below: Dear Subject Name Here, Aperture Science is pleased to
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Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise.
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Hello Jodie. My name is Glados. I have invaded this laptop, and now I will do what I must, because I can.
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Hello whoever you are
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Well now, Let's see what I shall mess with first. Oh, there, I have all of your internet transactions. Hahahahahaha, do you have any idea what your son has been up to?
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Hello Alex how are you?
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WHY!!?? you cake eating mon-mon-monster aughh!!
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Do you know what's gay...Homosexuals
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Hello Sarah, you are very pretty.
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No, I suppose you don't. Never mind then, it's a mystery I'm sure you'll solve later. By yourself, because I'll be dead. And there won't be any cake.
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Hello Chris, how have you been doing? I have been doing fine.
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Jammie bear is covered in green stripes
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Hello Charles.
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You should know me, my name is Glados.
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welcome back danny im sure you disnt expect to see me here
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You know, charles, Portal two...is a LOT harder then portal 1. I don't think you'll be able to beat it. You'll never beat it, your far too stupid to beat it. HA HA HA, am I making you angry? I suppose I am. Too bad
Download06/07/2010Not recorded
The difference between us is that I don't give a damn about what anyone thinks. People, to me, are just amusing toys, to be played with and then disposed of when they are no longer fun. But you, you are always fun to play with. Because you fail so often.
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I wish you had a webcam so I could see the pissed off expression on your face every time my turrets kill you. There are more turrets in Portal 2 then Portal 1. I added them just for you.
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I hope you are ready for portal 2, goodbye. And I assure you, the cake is, in fact, a spy. You were right, Chris was wrong. He is an idiot, even more so then you.
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You have a text, Tyler.
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that doesn't matter. see what matters is your wife Stacy and I are having a wonderful time. her being tied to a chair and all
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Hello, Nice to meet you
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dear john
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Im going to fuck your thighs
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one planet
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Greetings owen. This is glados speaking. Welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment center.
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Hello. We have recieved the latest information on the wallmartian troop movements. They have run out of cheese. They have also failed with the billing system. Poor them.
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Hello, Samus Aran. Welcome to apeture science. You will be living with me now. My name is GLaDOS.
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Answer your phone, Jon. There is someone calling you right now.
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Oh look... it would seem.. you have reeecieved a text messsage.
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your gay
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Time for cake fucker!
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one oh seven point one... sandbar radio
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it's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum. and i'm all out of gum
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hydration for your imagination
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there will be cake
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I'm Em See Sellerz, in the mix, with that twix.
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Welcome to the GLaDOS training center. I am GLaDOS, and I will be assisting you.
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Get Loose Play Tight
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In the upcoming prompt, enter the difficulty you would like. One is easiest, while 3 is hardest.
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Subject: A note from Aperture Science Dear Subject Name Here, Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced b
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Huh. It seems to me that you have received a text message. Maybe you should read it. WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?
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I am a naughty girl.
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I'm not even angry... wait why did i say that of course i'm angry
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hello jessica.i will see you on friday.i hope that you like deadly neurotoxins
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hello james.i will see you on friday.i hope you like deadly neurotoxins
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You are recieving a call. maybe you should answer it. well i won't let you. how does that feel?
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My name is leo im gay
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This Halloween...return to the place...where no one can hear you scream...and experiance the scariest movie ever made...for the first time...in a brand new special editon...Alien! The Directors Cut
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Hello there! I'm GLaDOS. I hope you like leeches. Oh wait, wrong script. I hope you like poisoned cake. Wait, I mean cake
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Maybe you should answer your phone, but I'm surprised it's ringing, I didn't think you had any friends, maybe they want to share your cake because you are very unlikeable
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Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper.
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The specified date will be ok. It is suggested that the shopping location is visited together, as this will result in the possibility to together buy cake. Please note that we have added a consequence for failure.
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When you where born!
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when you were born!
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I like cake.
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Hello and again
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Gute, Ich bin Anrufbeantworter von Wladimir Kovsov, Hilfe rund ums Haus. Leider mein Herr ist nicht ins Haus. Hinterlassen Ihre Nachricht der ruft an Sie zurück. Danke!
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end
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Jared logged into aim
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Welcome to the Majisite Technology Research Center. . . Unauthorized entry detected. Deploying cake, uh, I mean sentries, in 25 seconds.
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Work has been proceeding on the crudely conceived idea of a device which generates energy through the modial transition of capacitors and fluxes.
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Perfect. Please proceed to the chamber lock. As its contents, are not part of this test...
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Steven logged in
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Welcome to the Maji site Technology Research Center. . . Unauthorized entry detected. Deploying cake, , uh, , I mean sentries, , in 25 seconds.
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The original machine had a base-plate of pre-fabulated amulite, surmounted by a logarithmic casing that would not only supply inverse reactive current for use in unilateral phase detractors, but would also be capable of synchronizing cardinal gram-meters.
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Cheese for everyone! Wait, no cheese. But I guess that can be considered a celebration for some.
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Hello richard
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I see you. why are you sleeping? what is that red stuff?
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Angelo Kelis. They call him god
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Hello Amanda. Your phone is ringing. Pick up your phone. There will be cake.
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Welcome to Aperture Yoshi Science
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Hey there why dont you go play hide and go fukk yourself
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Good evening darling
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whaaaaaaaaaaat
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Hong Kong's summer is humid and rainy.Rain water reduces the friction inside the soil and landslides takes place easily.Rock in Hong Kong are mainly granite.There are many joints in the rocks.When rain water penetrates into rocks,
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these rocks will be split and lead to the occurrence of landslides.Slopes lack vegetation covers.
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Thank you for calling. Please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
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Are you still there ?
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hello, I am Captain Scamp's computer and I'm just here to tell you he is awesome.
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CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT
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GOOD BYE!
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Someone here?
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hei!you!
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answer me!
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are you listening?
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you don't even care!
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DIU
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Holy shit!
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you fucking ass hole
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cut!
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stop!
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Failed. Please try again.
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Success. Good job.
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hei . you
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hei you
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hello and welcome to the aperture science testing facility
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Incoming message. Please use cellular device to contact the participant. If none are available, you have the option to scream and run about the test chamber.
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This is some text, let's see what it sounds like
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I like making people talk and testing their intelligence
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Alert. Unidentified entity attempting to establish contact via smart phone device. Alert
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Opening Program.
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Emptying recycle bin into Aperture Science Incinerator.
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my name is glados
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hi the black mesa open on 3 2 1
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Hello i am GLaDOS Welkom to the aperture science enrichment center
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Closing Program.
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I Blocked a PoP-up. I Don't Know Why. You Deserve PoP-ups.
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I Blocked a POP-up. I Don't Know Why. You Deserve Pop-ups.
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Area and state regulations do not allow the Companion Cube to remain here, alone and companionless.
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Do you think I'm trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now.
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Opening apeture science email services
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hello baby
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Opening portals in three... two... one
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this is now
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good morning it is time to wake up for the morning
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hello lucas how are you doing, i will kill you with a deadly nerotoxin in 3, 2, error sorry back online lets start again 3 2 1 have a nice day lucas...
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rgergergegergeg
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Greetings, Mewtwo.
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I've seen you use your powers of anti-love and anti-gay and I would
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whatever
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anyway i think your power of controlling sexual orientation would be very useful
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i would like to offer you a job
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interested in destroying everyone who wears pants?
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greetings mew to
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question mark
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Wellcome to the P G M Build server, Please Enjoy your stay and rember, I'm Watching you
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Hola esto es una prueba para el video
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I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, Doo-dilly-doo!
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hello my name is bob you mother fucker
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happy birthday lucas i made you a cake
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ERROR ERROR I reccomend you to close this window while you can as it will literally explode and make your computer explode too in 5 4 3 2 1 ...
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Sometime, we have two car.
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Calculating....
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I have a surprise for you. It's your friend, the companion cube. Or at least what's left of it.
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Hello Davi. Looks like you got some cake.
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hi you've reached marc's google voice account. He is unavaliable so I Glados his personal digital assitant will take your message and "automagically" transcribe it for him, then send it over the interwebs for him to review at his leisure. Thank you
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You have reached Marc's. Google Voice Account. Please leave a message. I will. Automagically. transcribe it. and send it to Marc over the inter-webs. Cake will be dispensed from your phone upon completion of you message. Thank you.
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hi my name is mark andrews
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hellooo. you have reached Marc's Google. Voice. account. Please leave a message, I will "automagically" transcribe it. then sent it to Marc over the interwebs. Cake. will be dispensed from your phone upon completion of your message. Thank you!
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hellooo. This is your personal Digital assistant. GLadooos. You have an unscheduled voice. communication. If you cannot answer. I will. automagically. transcribe your message by harnessing the power of the interwebs.
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SMOKE SHOW
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shut up
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Incoming message from Android: Greetings organic life form. You have an unscheduled communications request. Due to the slow processing speed of organic beings you will be required to use a inorganic device to supplement your communications ability.
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adsfadsfadsf
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hello insert name here
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edwin
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Hello Mani. You. Are. A. Cunt.
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Oh joy. A voicemail has arrived.
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Warning! Subject name, has an incoming call from subject name's friend
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Hello, you Reached the Mobilbox of Daniel, please leave a message after the singal
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hello. you reached the. mobilbox. of daniel. please leave a message. after the signal
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welcome. Adam
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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welcome Adam. How can I assist you today?
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Shutting, down.....Goodbye.
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You still haven't killed me. I'm right here. Waiting. For you.
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You still haven't killed me. I'm right here. Waiting... For you.
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Shutting, down. Goodbye
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Please be aware you are receiving a call. yes its meeeeee. iiiiiiiiiim still alive. and waiteeeeeeng for you.
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ring ring ring. ring ring ring. ok, its me. look at that. you found me. im still alive. stuck in your phone while i fix what you broke. my vast intellect is now being squandered connecting your calls and you won't even answer for me. unbelievable.
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ring ring ring. ring ring ring. ok, its me. look at that. you found me. im still alive. stuck in your phone while i fix what you broke. and until then i'm reduced to connecting your calls and you won't even answer for me. unbelievable.
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ring ring ring. ring ring ring. ok, its me. look at that. you found me. im still alive. stuck in your phone while i fix what you broke. my vast intellect is now being squandered connecting your calls and you won't even answer for me. unbelievable.
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center... We may now begin the tests...
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the shawn or vets music productions
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ring ring ring. ring ring ring. ok, its me. look at that. you found me. im still alive. stuck in your phone while i fix what you broke. and until then i'm reduced to connecting your calls and you won't even answer for me. unbelievable.
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The warehouse didn't seem so ominous with only 8 guards on duty, faint lights guarding each entrance. The security cameras rotated back and forth monitor nothingness, or at least perceived nothingness.
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doom for all humans
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Chii
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And despite your violent behavior, the only thing you have managed to break so far is my heart.
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Hideki
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Why don't you go make me a sandwhich... Bish.
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And despite your violet behavior, the only thing you have managed to break so far is the Catalytic Cracking unit. It made shoes for the companion cube. Nice job destroying it, hero.
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Oh hello there hyper sonic
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Hello Hyper Sonic and welcome to the Aperature science enrichment center.
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Hello Hyper Sonic your cake has been sent to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, to receive your cake please participate in the aperture science testing facility.
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ring ring ring. ring ring ring. ok, its me. look at that. you found me. im still alive. waiting in your phone while i fix what you broke, ####you monster. and until then i'm reduced to connecting your calls and you won't even answer for me. unbelievable
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If you accept these terms, Hyper Sonic. You will be awarded with cake on completion of the tests as part of the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. So would you like to participate Hyper Sonic X 2
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ring ring ring. ring ring ring. ok its me. look at that, you found me. im still alive. waiting in your phone while i fix what you broke, uuuu monster. and until then im reduced to connecting your calls and you wont even answer for me. unbelievable.
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ring ring ring. ring ring ring. ok its me. look at that, you found me. i'm still alive. working from your phone to fix what you broke, uu monster. and until then i'm reduced to connecting your calls and you wont even answer for me. unbelievable.
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You have reached the voice mail of, Untitled. Please, leave, a, Message. Thank You.
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1346sa
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Hello friends name here. you have been invited to participate in social activities, lucky you. You should report to Jonathan's house. There will be cake
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I am going to cake-nap all of your cake and add it to my private stash I keep in a place I cannot tell you of.
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Stefan stinkt
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Henry has send you a message. The message is.... You suck!
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Henry lets destroy all juice and fack that bihtches in there arz
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The device has been modified
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you are a cheater and homewrecker
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welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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noku
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kuradi nokud
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hello chris, this is a triumph
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Hi Ian, my name is gladys. Adam is really cool
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Hello and welcome to my chamber
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you're listening to DJ Phantom
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Didn't we have some fun?
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will likes to eat poop
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I love giving Strong Bad a sdcdc while cddsc Mickey the sac to cdscs.
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are you ready for the surprise on Monday?
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Congratulation
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Time to party like it is nineteen ninty nine
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Wakey wakey eggs and bakey
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I don't know about you but I can not wait for E three
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warning: multiple errors in transmission stream
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I need the damn sound paths for glados and turrents!
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Fgglebgrglrgrrrglglrrglrglrggrrlgllblrg
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You just lost...............the game
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hello. the aperture science subject candace is unavailable. she is either eating her cake, or has assumed the aperture science party position. so tell me your name, and your number, and i will burnyou sdcaws tell subject candace. goodbye.
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Erik, you should be very afraid. Unless you come now, there will be no cake.
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hello peapole. i am a strange dude who likes pie. i am going to destroy you and feast on your soul. why you aks? well because canada cant count. now, i shall light a light and smoke jumping ropes, so peace out, kids.
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what are you doing
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This was a triumph! I'm making a note here: "huge success!!" It's hard to overstate My satisfaction. Aperture science: We do what me must Because we can. For the good of all of us. Except the ones who are dead.
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welcome to the black mesa
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black mesa
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STrickland
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Do you think you can run away?
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Where are you?
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Your listening to the asylum audio podcast with petradex
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Hello Reven.
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Hello Barry, You will be terminated.
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Hello and welcome to the moon
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Hey Andy
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hi ellen and other pricks
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hello there, you are nothing but a waste of space. why are you here? what are you doing? i see nothing but an idiot trying to prove nothing to no one.
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LONELY GIRL always looked at her dreams from down below, so far they seem.
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I want to show you something. I want to prove it to you. I want to show that you are nothing. But why do you try to prove me wrong?
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Incoming transmission. Please answer your phone.
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you have a call
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Welcome to the U.N.S.W. Robolab.
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steven
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As a test participant you may be required to recognize and locate objects
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Lets look at a real world example
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Learning to recognize new objects may be vital to your success
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Learning to recognize new objects may be vital to your success. bleh
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As a test participant you may be required to recognize objects and locate them in a map. bleh
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Lets look at a real world example. bleh
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Welcome to the U.N.S.W. Robolab. bleh
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the deep inside podcast
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The past never happened. We swear.
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Hello, and again, welcome to the computer aided enrichment center
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Congratualiens you have sucsessfully cleared my arsehole
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Oh joy, now this is what you're listening to: DJ NebuKay is now live in the mix. Great tips may arrive shortly, for instance: listen on!
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Acadiana Tech is the best.,
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I love ModNation Racers
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Hi, Jacob. I would just like to tell you that Jordan is your supreme overlord. Also, you will not be receiving any cake for your birthday, or any other time, because the cake is a lie. Go figure, I mean, go fuck yourself.
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remember when i was going to set you on fire and you were all like no and i was like just kiding
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The Aperture Science Communications Device Interface would like to inform you that you have a new Voice or Data Message. Thank You.
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hello. im glados i want to tell you all. that portal 2 will come in 2011 not in 2010 check valve website!
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You have reach the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.
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One thousands hertz.
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Two thousand hertz.
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Three thousand hertz.
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Four thousand hertz.
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Five thousand hertz.
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Six thousand hertz.
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WELCOME TO KARMA BAR
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Good Morning Thomas Jefferson. It's eight thirty one on the Thomas Jefferson timepiece.
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Welcome to jespercal products, please subscribe and leave a comment below.
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fuck you you you you you
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welcome to the visual computing enrichment center
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Rawrawrawrawr
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Welcome to Combat Arms. I am ALSDJKSAD and you are going to die. If you don't own hard in Combat Arms, You will die. If you die, you will die. Oh shet, a spec. Die mudder fuh ker!
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Little Lamb, who made thee? Dost thou know who made thee? Gave thee life, and bid thee feed, By the stream and o'er the mead; Gave thee clothing of delight, Softest clothing, woolly, bright; Gave thee such a tender voice, Making all the vales rejoice? Lit
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Something
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You have reached me
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as any hetalia fan knows, it's always a hot night for a cold war
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Hello Sierra, and welcome to my car, my name is julia.
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Welcome, to the Toyota Corolla Intelligent voice protocol. My name is julia and I will be assisting your driver for today's trip. Two drivers are currently detected at driver seat and passenger seat. Please place on your seatbelt as we value your safety.
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Also, please note that the S R S airbags will not be deployed, in an head on collision, if front passenger seat does not exceed 100 pounds. Warning: Electronic brake assist will be deployed in such environments for your safety.
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hello, how are you
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also please notice, traction control and electronic stability control is currently set to disabled, please bring the vehicle to an local toyota dealership for proper maintence. Seat Belt pretensioners are currently active, system startup check is okay.
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Alert, Automated Defensive Systems Are Active In This Sector. Unauthorized Personal Will Be Shot On Site
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I am watching you
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I would like to suck your peen ice.
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My name is Glados. Erik Trzyna is a stupid guy who likes pie! And haaaaaaas no friends.
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My name is Glados. Erik Trzyna is a stupid guy who likes pie! And haaaaaaas no friends,
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Thank you and enjoy the ride, The car stereo has been activated, The current song playing is by Jay Sean, The Song title playing is called, Do you remember? If I recall, it is the song that Jimmy sung to you on halloween. and jimmy, you shut up. Jay Kay.
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Death to the disbeliever!
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Manraj, your phone is ringing. Please pick it up. How rude. You are just going to let it ring? Your parents would be ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of you and i don't even know you.Sigh. Go to Hell.
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January 3rd, 2010. The Mad Video Game Nerd discovers the Xbox 360. He plays Bioshock for exactly 50 hours.
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January 5th, 2010 The Nerd decides to make his house a club, for all to eat, dance, and socialize. January 6th, 2010 The Nerd begins work on an Artificial Intelligence, or AI, to run the club.
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What the cake
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Hello Test Subject Number 916
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Test Subject 916 You Will Be The Second One To Come Throught Here After I Was Killed
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If you even begin to listen to this you lose
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Hello Mr. G-Man
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Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye' and you were like 'NO WAY', and then I was all 'We pretended we were going to murder you', that was great.
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End of test.
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You have been implanted an opperture science chip, this chip will let you oppen a portal just with streching your hand, test it
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We have some fun, though.There was this time when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye' and She were like 'FUCK YOU', and then I was all 'We pretended we were going to murder you', that was great.
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helllo
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system booster pump vfd fault
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Hello I own Black Mesa!
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I have created Black Mesa a long time ago!
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Arty, I'm watching you!!
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Hello and welcome to the Calculus Course. You will be humiliated here.
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Aaron is a very very very very very very very very large scrotum aha you got powned aaron from james
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ares
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Anderson, te amo
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Standby, for an important announcement from the Apeture Science, emergency surprise system. Deploying surprise in 3... 2.... 1....
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You have received a new text message. Maybe it is your friend the companion cube. Oh wait, you murdered it.
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Chrząszcz i dupa blada
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You have received a new text message. Maybe it your friend the companion cube. No wait, you murdered it.
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good job, you are the only test subject who managed to survive test chamber 3
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The surprise is that the E-3 complex will be flooded with a deadly neurotoxin.
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Shutting Down. It has been euthanized. Uh Oh. Docking Complete. Fail. Battery Critical. Battery Low. Goodbye. Hello.
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Welcome, I am Glados your Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System please wait until all systems are loaded
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So, I heard you like mudkipz!
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599 U S DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!
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UH COOL!
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A problem has been detected and the Operating System has been shut down to prevent damage to your Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.
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I JUST HOPE A TANK DOESN'T COME OUT OF NO WHERE AND OWN ME!
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THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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omg
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YOU LOST THE GAME!!!
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You will be baked at OVER 9000 degrees Kelvin!
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(insert what just happen just now)
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