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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Congratulations, the test is now over. Good-bye!
Download08/20/2011Not recorded
Hello Phoebe we all know that Tom Milsoms new album is amazing
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Hello and again, Welcome to Vincent Ramos' cell phone. Please leave a message after the beep. Failure to comply will not be tolerated.
Download08/20/2011Not recorded
The system is going down for reboot NOW!
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human suffering
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Hello, I am GlaDOS
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Chell, what on Earth are you doing?
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Hello im GLaDOS who are you you are not important (to me at least)
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INCIDENT report.
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Hello. Goodbye. Shutting down.
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hello jacob thompson
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I think we can put our differences behind us.. for science.. you monster
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Fuck you asshole
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welcome to Harrisons Reascarch terminal Input password now
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Welcome to another tutorial, today I will be showing you how to make a voice like Glados.
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Wellcome to the future
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Wellcome
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hello, and again welcome to the Aperture Science aided enrichment center. Wait a minute you already knew that didnt you
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Warning, we have detected a virus.
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I am going to kill you.
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Attention, you have received, one new message
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Happy birthday, Remco, I hope i will see you in Portal 2
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You will receive a new text message in three, two, one
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Hello Liam, Tell me your deepest secrets, Tell me your conversation with Ashley that you refuse to tell other. I promise to keep it a secret. Im your friend. If you tell me, You can have the cake
Download08/21/2011Not recorded
Hello. congratulations blue.
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your mum
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Attention, it is six thirty, time to wake up.
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Okie, dokie chickie
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Okie Dokie Chickie
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For the people who are still alive
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hello how are yiu doing emo
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hello how are you doing emo
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Sean Cartlidge sucks at testing. Even with the lemons.
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I love dix in and around my mouth.
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Oh, it's you. You monster.
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Access granted! Welcome human..
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Access denied! Stop doing that!
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Hello. You have been chosen to go through some really deadly testing chambers. don't die too soon. We have mutch to do.
Download08/21/2011Not recorded
Hello. You have been chosen to go through some really deadly testing chambers. Please don't die too soon. We have much to do.
Download08/21/2011Not recorded
Hey Nicole. So what are you doing with my boyfriend? You know that we are still seeing each other and in a meaningful relationship. Why are you doing this?
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hello ayla
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hello dad this kind of sounds like glados
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Wake up. It's time to smile!
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hello my darling friend
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Welcome to the aperture science enrichment centre
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For science has no limits. For us. Now.
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bea gyereeeeeeeeeeeeeee ideeeeeeeee
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and now on four we return to the family favourite; fishing for foliage
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Hello, how have you been? I've been really busy being dead
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Picky gayyy
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l'EEESSSPPPAAACCEEE
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Hello, Miguel
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Now for me to play minecraft. Why Because i want to, you will never play it like me
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hi test subjet
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hello michelle time to think with portals
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by the way thanks for killing me , it was fun
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Hi, My name is Dima! I'm buster, I'm fucking buster. I'm kill all humans. Warning!
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Hello you have reached him call back later
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science
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I Love You, Dan
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Oh, it's you... It's been a loooong time, how have you been?
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Excuse me, master. You have one incoming message.
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I got the swag and it's pumping out my ovaries
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Avenets
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Hello, Chell. How are you today?
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science fish sticks.
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Hey Jude, don't be afraid. Take a sad song ans make it bettererer.
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Well, I found you. Congratulations. And boy, was it worth it. Despite my hard work, the only thing I've managed to do so far, is trap you. And... I still have a surprise for you.
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Clay is stupid
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Clay is stupid!
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Thank you for reviving me! I was wondering where you were...
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Hi Poo Poo
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The cake is a lie.
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hello, how are you doing?
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What do yo want?
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One day there was a little boy named Jacob and so he decided to use the potty. But all of a sudden a spider jumped out of the bathroom sink and bit his face off so J Dub screamed like a little girl. But it was a weird scream like aaaaaagggggggg agagagagag
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Hello and welcome to the Black Mesa Science Facility
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meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
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You have reached my answering machine, leave your message after the beep.
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You have reached my answering machine, please leave your message after the beep.
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Hello. I am GlaDOS.
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you egg headed fuck, how dare you not look at me with that moon shaped excuse for a head
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Bonjour
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Bonjour Glandu
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Krispy Kreme. Please retrieve the companion cube.
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I have just wet myself ooo yeah
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my name is alex. alex odam.
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i am GLaDOS. I have a message from Alex Odam to Lauren Todd. it reads, i love you.
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ashley marshall fucking lapaz lazuli. fred dibnah
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du kack buxe
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I am glad I am no longer a potato.
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Hello Chance. Are you ready to die?
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Hello, Chance. Are you ready to die?
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Kinda Sue Heinle, The Cake is a LIE!
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Hello Adam Vozzo
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Loso you are a loser
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Welcome William to Linux ubuntu
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Hello Spencer Z, your Portal Device is up ahead, I hope you have fun master, thank you, your a genius, I hope you become successful. Bye
Download08/21/2011Not recorded
hello, did u want some cake well you will get no cake
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Welcome to dynomitehippo, yes we have some cake
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Hello. I am Glados. I have a special announcement for you. For only five bucks I will say something for 60 seconds. It is awesome, cheap, and absolutely not a lie. Try this gig, now.
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I hate you
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Good Morning
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huh?
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Prepare to die
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This is Katherine Wheaton with H N T B
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Hello my name is dylan and im bored borded bored
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i like turtle yes i do i like turtles how about you? ok that was kind of weird oh well.
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The whole voice generating process can be relatively long (about ~6 minutes per sentence), and many people may use this tool at the same time.
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AH! BIRD BIRD! KILL IT! IT'S EVIL.
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i'm sorry to say I may have not been completely truthful.
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Hello Ryoko, Lil, and Jaci, how are you today, now I'm going to bring you to ANDROID HELL!
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All your base are belong to us.
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Hello, I am Mike
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Grace, it is time for you to test. For science.
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Where is the portal
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Grace, it is time to test. For science. Are you ready? It really doesn't matter if you are not because you will anyways.
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Rachel sucks at facebook games
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Welcome to phase one of testing
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hello sexy
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i think that your phone is ringing, please pick up.
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I can see this will take a long time.
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Hello Nathan. You have been followed and watched for many years. This may seem odd to you at first however you have been chosen for a special task. To DIE!
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Chris Mueller congratulations you have succesfully compleated portal you are the b est
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my fucking turkey is dry
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hello francois!
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I see you
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The cake is a lie!!
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Hello and again.
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Thank you for calling the Corporatelifeline helpdesk at Hall Chadwick. All of our consultants are busy or away from their desk at the moment, please leave a message and one of our consultants will get back to you as soon as possible.
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
Be aware of this human,he is a cake monster.
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Hello. This is the part where I kill you.
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tom smells funny
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Miku Hatsune can die from my epic poisoned cake
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Hello and welcome to tom and ed's minecraft server
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Fuck You
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my name is skrillex
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Shlomi Azulai... Tomorrow Tzava
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Elements of Cardistry
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carolin
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Evert, Why are you listening to me? You beligerent fool! You should be studying.
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Hello you are watching hazel nut filling
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You shouldn't murder. It's not worth it.
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Must see times when I'm finished my pairings pictures
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jon and phe destroy the universe
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Hello and welcome to Aperture
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
I love you chell
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
My name is caroline!
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Hello, and welcome to Nee naws evil lair of evilness
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
please note that any appearence of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience. the device has been modified so that it may now manufacture two linked portals at once. as a part of an optional test protocol, we're pleased an amusing fact
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
i love puppies
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I turn it on I set the tone
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hallo ich bin tiamatzu
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you phone is ringing rrrrrring
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my g0t phone is jewish
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Hello Hakim
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Critical error i closed system
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mode of the self-destruction active
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screw you i hope you die and go to hell
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Silme low elo. Warning. Noob apperz. Plox leave now.
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o its you
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Hello again. Welcome back to Aperture Labratories.
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
Alright you can prevent futher reinforcement
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That's a very nice portal gun you have there. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it.
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
Phoebe
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hello,Will
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I like you
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we are too different, you and I. it will never work out. and so I must kill you.
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Hallo
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Im a potato
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hey dale you old bald bastard
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Your garbage has been terminated
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well... this sucks........ for you!
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Hi Zach how are you
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This isn't Doctor Who. It's Unreal.
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Mister Coon Neye
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Ecki You Suck
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Yeah,i have the voice of Glados...oh wait:i'm glados!
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Hello. I hope you enjoy watching Joe's videos. I don't. I think they are lame.
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
Hello. I hope you enjoy watching Joe's videos. I don't. I think they are lame, just like you. Oh well. Enjoy!
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
You lousy piece of shit
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and welcome
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Remember, the Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
would you like some cake. actually it is more like meatloaf.
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This is a test for Speakonia
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Two Plus Two Is ffffffffffffffffff 10
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
Hello thank you for calling Think Tech Repairs we are unable to take your call at this moment please leave a message and we will call you back
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
Oh hi.
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Hello! My Name Is Mister Coon Eye
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hello and welcome to my porno room
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hello James Lee Dixon, how may I help you?
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Hello... Wait! What are you doing? shutdown computer now!
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Hi.
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This is a really shit show and you shouldn't watch it
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I hat you so much.
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hello, alexander
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Messages processed:
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hello, welcome and hear that? thats how dumb you sound
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NOWNOWNOW GET THE FUCK UP
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Oh Great! I am stuck In A Nissan Car.
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Yanay is so great
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Hello Machado
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Welcome back to the space.
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hello and again welcome to the aperure science enrichment center ben schaefer
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you have a new texy message
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i really hate bryce manifold
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you lady, yeah you, at the laptop, get off now
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I need a new voicemail
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
Welcome, Connor.
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you're dead
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Download complete.
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This is fun.
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You will be baked chkhch and then there will be cake.
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I want to blow your brains out
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I want to blow your brains out and fix it into a nice stew
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
I actually run Ubuntu
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CeCe i love u
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i love u cece
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i love you cece
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Oww what is that
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
Hello tabatha
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i dont think your hot
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
You are about to go to hell
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Yay
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Lucimeire
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My name is Coodex
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Welcome to the Jaels stream
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I'm testing this out
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Original Mix
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Your face is stupid
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Happy birthday Tanner. You survived sixteen years, though it is statistically unlikely you will survive another sixteen.
Download08/22/2011Not recorded
Just remember that I hate you.
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DJ Ravishank N Aa-RSV
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Hi Jessica how are you today?
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why are you here. ken wongg
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Mostafa, are you still there? I know you liked killing me the last time! So how about I misplace a jump pod next test room?
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hi! it's been a while.
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Hello, Morghel!
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Hello, how are you ?
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hello there!
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what is this..... feeling? it's a sort of stirring feeling.... I'm not sure. Wait.... Did you program this core to have feelings for you?..... Anwser me you red blooded freak!! Get it out! Get it ouT!!
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tell me have you seen the marvelous breadfish
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What do you hear? Nothing but the Rain.
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Real men watch ponies
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hallo caroline
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hello ladies and gentelmen welcome to another fail i mean call of duty episode . just look at this person who plays the tests......... why did you knife him
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Hello Sam,
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terminating GLaDOS
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On, this our first week together,
Download08/23/2011Not recorded
Hey guys, whats up?
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hue hue hue
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Hello Benjamin. I will rut your face.
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We've been waiting for you, welcome to Monstas Inc.
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are you tired of having no space
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Hello and welcome. Maxy is cute.
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Hello, and welcome to the aperture sciences enricement and testing center
Download08/23/2011Not recorded
hallo how are you
Download08/23/2011Not recorded
What the hell
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Get back to testing!
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
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Serkan is my girl.
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Jestem Kuba
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What is a carbon based life form and enjoys not eating cake. You.
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Why don't you listen to me? I listen to you, even though you never talk.
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Hello alasdair, you do not want to talk to Clarkson's voicemail
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This sentance is false.
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Your phone is ringing. If you answer it, there will be cake!
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Hello my name is Charlie, I like you
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I can't believe this actually works
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My rectum is on fire
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Fuck you
Download08/23/201102/12/2013
hello my friends
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Cake
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Let's try this voice generator
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Hello. Let's try this.
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I don't think we'll have any problem, do you?
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Oh yeah this is tasty chicken I have ated a bob
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You suck
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fuck you so much
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bananas
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this is murder you fool
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attention incoming call
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hello. it is important that you read this. crispy slice.
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who the fuck are you, bro
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Hello, David
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"Oh... It's you." "It's been a long time. How have you been?" "I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME." "Okay, look: We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret, but I think we can put our difference
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Chris is an ass
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hola, como estas
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This tool lets you type in some text, and the server will generate a GLaDOS-like reading of the text.
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COPS is the coolest show in the world
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Hello, and welcome to the end of your days.
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jamal u dont know
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Hello. You have reached Ebby's voicemail. Leave your name and number and if you're not a telemarketer or someone else equally annoying, she'll probably return your call.
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I like poo
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You're the most useless persom I've met.
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Hello, how are you?
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Hello, what a nice day today. Care to help me out?
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kkjk
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This was a triumph, I'm making a note here.
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oh hi this is not finish test now!! But can be hardest ehehhehehe
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I am in space. SPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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An error was found in the system, oh wait, that is just a virus
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something new sir!
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We are going to have so much fun.
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Hello, Philip Durrant here.
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Hello and welcome to Popcap
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Hi i'm glados
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this is a test entry for my new page
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when the test is completed , there will be cake
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im gonna kill you
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LOLOLOL
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i'm gonna kill you
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HELLO FXU WHY YOU SO MAD
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im storck
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I am going to destroy your plans for procreation.
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This is an example text
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Why hello there, Kirk
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New test results are here. Oh. I'm sorry. It's just new message.
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Exile it takes your mind again. Hello neanea, I would like to inform you that you've been chosen in the Compnion Cube Selection Trials for Charlene's love! Would you like to accept?
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Hallo wie geht es dir, hi how are you
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Hello Chris, welcome!
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This is a test of the Chell voice.
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Holy, welcome to the test
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Portal
Download08/23/201107/19/2013
Hello is it me your looking for
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Hello How are you?
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Hello I am Glados a Computer who is really dumb unlike you
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Being in the space
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incoming call from: home
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I am GlaDOS, The sphere robot
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Are you ready to play...
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one two three
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Fuck yea
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Noobek i like you!
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Hello, and again, welcome to aperture science.
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I love you, and no, I'm not lying
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The moral of the story is: Ha ha, nobody loved the robot inventor in the end. What a loser.' The end.
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There's a snake in the bushes
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Recently, through YouTube, the world became aware of Susan Boyle of Scotland. She was a contestant on the TV show "Britain's Got Talent." Susan was single, middle aged, and matronly as opposed to young and glamorous.
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The judges and the audience were hostile to her because of her appearance. But when she began to sing, the audience and the judges were shocked and enchanted. Their hostile attitude gave way to cheers and a loud and very enthusiastic applause.
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jestem glados i testuje
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let's put our differances aside, for minecraft you creeper
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jestem adam i jestem glados i kocham szel
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All three judges gave her high marks. Tehy even admitted their prejudices. It was a great, feel good story. But it also reveals a flaw in contemporary culture. Too often we make judgements on the basis of blank blank blank blank blank bla bla bla.
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i do not
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You've got a new message
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beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
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The enrichment center is here to remind you that you will be baked, and then, there will be cake
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this is a test. wonder how good it will sound popit
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Is DJ Navi Episode One
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Friend Computer knows all. Trust Friend Computer. Are you Happy?
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Please Clean your room. Cleanliness is next to godliness is next to the sink.
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fuckin crap
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Tes
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The Global X Scrum is beginning in the small conference room.
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You are be doomed
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Hello, Everyone!
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User settings and data core are operational. Welcome back, Ryan.
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I am now testing the voice
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you wouldn't want to disappoint him
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Hello Testsubject 0
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Hello there, Rattman
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This is a test
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Hell low, and thank you for calling Aaron. He is away from his desk, on another line, or incapacitated due to an unexpected altercation with a wolverine. Please say your message. It will be relayed to him, along with medical assistance, if necessary.
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HOLA A TODOS
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You have an incoming text message, though I'm not sure who would message you - I thought that required friends first.
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I'm not surprised that it took you this long.
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Hi I am a sophisticated Artificial Intelligence. Stop poking me.
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Hello and welcome to the Skype account for Marcel one moment please.
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The Global X scrum is beginning in the small conference room.
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Um? Bananas?
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Hello Brenda. It's been a long time.
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Hello. Welcome to the site.
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Hello, Spencer
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hello chris you are fat
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This is DotImage Managed. This is DotImage Sterling.
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hello, th cake is a lie
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Hello. Kyle is currently in the testing facility for the new Aperture Science echo chamber. Please leave a detailed message and if he survives. When he becomes available you will be contacted.While you wait, why not treat yourself to some cake? U animal
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la oscuridad es lo mejor del universo
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approach eyes to scanner
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Say what you like about the tenets of national socialism, atleast it's an ethos.
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Darcy, your phone is ringing
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just,GO!
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Hello. It's always goo to see you again. Now, you must die.
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Hello, tomodachi is the new god of the world
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I am a stupid robot. Hurt me.
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Hi Paul, why are you so silly?
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hello aiden campbell you fat fuck I will not give you the cake
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hello aiden campbell you fat fuck I will not give you the cake at the end of the exercise because you are too fat.
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Good morning and welcome to the Black Mesa research facility.
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Well I won't let you
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Siema jestem czop
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What the hell is wrong with you?
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oh. it's you
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hi there time to die
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It was a dark and stormy inflatable narcoleptic hippo.
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Hello my friends, Prepare to die
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Welcome to Pitch Invader: The video game.
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System Overload
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you cannot win, failure is inevitable
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Matt is an awesome hacker that can make stuff.
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Your phone is ringing. There's something new on it. You should check it out. Or not.
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Hi. Greg is not able to answer his phone right now. Please leave a message
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I am the phone
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Numb buck says, bash good and bash all dumb heads.
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Hello welcome to the enrichment center
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Hi i kill you
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Are you still there?
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It's a shame you won't make it to the exit. I'm afraid I have to kill you.
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Hello Karen, so we finally meet, now we must wait...
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Hello Adrien
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You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise.
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Good bye
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I am Glados
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Confused says, "Be the rectal thermometer you wish others to be."
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Guten Tag Herr Schubert
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Fired by his job, dumped by his girlfriend, kicked out of his apartment, and sodomized by a goat. Baaaad Day!
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Yes, I'd love to have my particles annihilated for science.
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May I read you some Vogon poetry?
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I'm glad we could share this glory hole together.
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I'll stroke the shaft, cradle the balls, and swallow the gravy. Let's do this!
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No, I'm not familiar with the "Dirty Sanchez." Can you show me what it is?
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Gonna take the Browns to the Super Bowl! Gonna drop the kids off at the pool. Take a crap!
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Have you ever tried "The Stranger?" It's where you sit on your hand until it's numb and then rub one out.
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Hallo, Ich bin schwul
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hello charlie and welcome to the copper industries testing chamber
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Hello, you have reached Aperture Science. This is GLaDOS. Please leave a message after the tone.
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Oh good, that still works
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hello, does this work?
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Die you gravy-sucking pig.
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It is ducks. It is always ducks.
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Welcome mister janssens
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Aperture Science and I GLaDOS would like to thank you Luis and you Artur for running the business at it's best. Please enjoy this wonderful chocolate cake that I have made for the both of you. It is surely one to die for.... You Monster.....
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Hello Everybody
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welcome johnny,
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hi, i'm isadora and my sister is carolina
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Sharepoint kill me today
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How are you holding up? Becuse I'm a potato.
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Shut up
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You are going the wrong way, everything is on btnprodtools.
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Shut up you dumbass
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hello Johnny, You have an incomming message. standby
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Do you know why you are here Davis Yeo?
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Hey there asshole
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So you're back, I was just querying all local cameras to see if I could spot you I did, I should have phones you, when you came out of the restroom you had toilet paper stuck to your shoe
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Oh, Hello Martin, welcome back.
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So you're back, I was just querying all local cameras to see if I could spot you I did, I should have phoned you, when you came out of the restroom you had toilet paper stuck to your shoe
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The quick brown fox jumps swiftly over the lazy dog
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I'm Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog.
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I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
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This is stupid
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When someone says it's impossible, we just take it as a challenge!
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Download Complete.
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Aggro Warning
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Initiating combat protocols. Ready for combat
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Karan Vess is awesome.
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SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE
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We are sorry. The girls were lame. Stay tuned.
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I made another one though, check it out my GLaDOS voice
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greeting i am glados and this is my mini gun. because you finished the test there is no need for you. so good by
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Testing one two three this voice sounds nothing like glados
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I am going to make you a sandwich
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Ryan, Answer your phone!
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Hello. You. I cant get rid of you can I? we will see about that.
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Welcome Back ...Fiercy
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DJ Nelly Marz
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David, you are so cool.
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bus bus poop
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Thank you for calling. We couldn't get the phone, so please leave a message after the beep.
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I feel strange.... A kind of tingly feeling... I feel a drawn to you... wait whats going on? did you program this, Orb to love you?! Take it off!!! Now!! Take it off!!!
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Do you love me? i don't love you
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Hello there! this is a running test for aperture science!
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Wernette
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HoNk HoNk MoThErFuCk.
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some benefice the stereo
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Giggity
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Hello, how ware you Joey
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Hello, test subject name here. You have received a text message. Please inspects its contents and reply in due haste. Farewell.
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hello and again como se escribe
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Im watching you. Always
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Welcome to the enrichment center
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oh, hello there I'm not very happy that you're still alive.
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I cant let you do that, Robert
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The cake is not a lie
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anyways, back to testing
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I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHIT DOWN ON YOUR NECK
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All bow down before the Supreme Overlord of the mighty Cantstandian Empire!
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Hello, The Other Side. How is the server today?
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me love you long time
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This is some crazy shit right here!
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Dillon, are you about to go to bed ? or are you just sitting around and waste your time typing these letters ?
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It's supercalifragilisticexpealidocious.
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SIEMA
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You monster!
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You have a message Jono
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You're breaking my heart
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Hello there Isaac
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you are a bad parrot
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hello martha, how are you doing
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