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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
I fuck you
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Hello Vanessa How are you today?
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What? Who is that man behind you? ...Oh, I see, he's helping you? Alright then. You know who else can help you. Deadly Neurotoxin.
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I'll make sure to come back for you. Right now I have to go was these stupid drawings off of the walls. ...Oh, it's you? Hold on, I'm going to add...changes to it then.
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Wheatly
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I AM GLADOS AND I FUCKING PISSED. I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW THAT I AM YELLING IN ANGRY VOICE. RAWR.
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Very good.
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Hello. I am GLaDOS and I am here to say you are a fucking moron.
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Adding quality audio to an electronic project is surprisingly difficult. Here is a shield for Arduinos that solves this problem
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science lab
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hellow you.. i am glados welcome to my world !
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Hi ! Welcome to the aperture enrichment center
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Yo Vanilla, kick it one time, boy
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welcome esgi
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The port needs help
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Are you joking? I was so scared that i broken an other two portal guns
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awesome service, this site is pure gold!
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You must kill Jerry. He's a dangerous american-german idiot. He must die.
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hey how are you
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come on honey get up
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Dee Jay Deck is now on-air...
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Are fucking kiding me? I love minek!
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Remember, the Aperture sciences "bring your daughter to work day" is the perfect time to have her tested
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I was sendt from the future to save humanity
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Welcome Again
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Hello Guys I'm GLaDOS
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Watch this video again.
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your mom sucks at sniping
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i am from microsoft and iso disks are not illegal
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Welcome to the aperture computer aided enrichment centre. The portal will open in 3 2 1.
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Welcome, and have a nice work day!
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Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment centre. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper.
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OMG rofl
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ki i'm a beach
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DJ Pankaj
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Hello Callum, You have received a message.
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Oh joy. You appear to have received a message.
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Oh, it's you again. I have a suprise for you.
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Oh joy. You appear to have received a message.
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My name is GLaDos. I have hacked your Computer. Deploying Neurotoxin In 3 2 1. We're sorry for the wait, while you wait please enjoy this smooth jazz.
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poop stain
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You have received a new notification. Please check whether it contains a cake.
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Welcome to The Redstone Television Network
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01101010 01100001 01100011 01101011 a
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practice stage
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practicing
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Du bist Fett
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Good day and welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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This was a triumph, Im making a note here, Huge success
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it begins where we left off
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Zaraza36063
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Hello, meghan.
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You did really great.
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Ouch!
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Hallo!
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Daniel, you have an incoming message. I think you should answer it.
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Domo arrigoto, mister roboto.
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You can't hurt me. I am grown to be poop bear. Okay?
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Oh, Hello, Welcome to your worst nightmare
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See Bee Bee See Fantastica's Portal 2 Lets Play!
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Good morning, Artur! I'm glad you got up so early. Good day!
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i am GLADOS generic lifeforrm and disk operating system
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Answer your phone you stupid human!
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hello everyone how are you ?
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does this mean you have a second DATE
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Hello, Sean. I am pleased to inform you that you request for a boxed turret as been accepted. Please proceed to housing area A-16 to receive your turret. Thank and goodbye . . . you monster!
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Hello Nicolas!
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Windmill windmill for the land.
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I hate you people. I want you all to just go away.
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Hello, America. Are you prepared for some tests...?
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Well Hello there, again. Come back with a knife?
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What is wrong with me? Well I kill people and I eat hands, that's two things.
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Hello, America. Do you know who I am? This is North Pole. Yes, your ex-girlfriend. It's been a while, hasn't it? There are just a few things that I need for you to do... then you can have all the hamburgers you want
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Turn forever hand in hand.
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I'm so bad ass...
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Take it all in on your stride.
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It is Sticking falling down.
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Love forever love is free.
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I miss you Chell, I want you back. Please come back.
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Let's turn forever you and me.
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What are you looking at?
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Windmill windmill for the land
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Is everybody in
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I'm totally bad ass...
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wa ta she
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lol spy in the base
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hi you you are dead
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Hello Drath_tater and ZeroHD welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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Hello Darth_tater and ZeroHD welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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Hello Teaghan
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Hello. Welcome to London.
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Hello. My name is Scar,
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You sound so stupid
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Cheeze!
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Raion Genshu
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Okay. First we will see how this works. Then we will destroy te first thing we see.
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The cake was moist and it made me moist. Oh, so moist!
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D J Rab
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Ready the rectal probe for insertion, Captain Fucktard
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Assuming Direct Control
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Hello Jordon, and Welcome back to the aperture science computer aided Enrichment center.
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Oh, Hello Kokoro. Its been awille hasnt it?
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This isn't brave, its murder
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I love Courtney
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Eat the cake!
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Zool's Arcade Hour
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Hello everyone, flirts included.
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Hello hatena
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take a look at those truck nuts
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Aaron, Did you really think that would work?
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The cake is not a lie, I repeat not a lie.
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I will pound you in your hemerrhoid-laden ass with my bulging MAN PART until you excrete bloody feces. Have a nice day!
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you should probably subscribe, because that would kick ass.
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we are going to steal the mooooon
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we are going to steal the moon
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Hai
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Hello, im philip. Enjoy your new sequence jet. thank you!
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Hello and again. Welcome to the apeture science enrichment center. We hope your brief stay at the relaxation vault has been a pleasent one.
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quodis
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Chell, you're getting a little chubby.
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Oh Joy. You have a new voicemail.
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hello, kyle. come here and give me some of your man lovin
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hello, kyle. come here and give me some of your man lovin.
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Go play in traffic
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hello and welcome to olin. our own personal inescapable hell.
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Hello,welcome to Mijumaru Number 1
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ah hello this is long time
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Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da! I love testing... ... ... but not the whole world... just testing.
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ZACHARY SAXON
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this site is gay
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Oh well, I guess people are so dumb to put a Mediafire link.
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Well, its okay, we still have cake.
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dont do any thing that could be considered hostileargumentitivemeanniceneutral or even breath... ... ... have a nice day. i love you
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Jack Rendar is, in overly simplified terms, A God
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this was a triomph
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Welcome Master. System is now Fully Operational.
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Hello again. it's such a pleasure. we laughed and laughed. except i'm not laughing...
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the enrichment center wishes you good luck
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Ron likes men all in and around his but
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hello Danny
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hey there its tommy you know me im the gangster that you here on the news ok heres my story on how i got defeated by the Blues Enjoy
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Minecast
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tomer is a sexy boy
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I am so awesome because aperture science made me!
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hello, ive been waiting a long time for this
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There was going to be a party for you. A big party, All of your friends were invited but they couldn't come because you don't have any.
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kill me
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Bienvenue sur la map pistoncoaster veuillez passer au premier TEST Bonne Chance
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Incoming call. please answer to that. or you will die.
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Its time for you to die, Goodbye
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Vincent Jerrard, you sm
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Vincent Jerrard, you smell
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hello dear, and welcome to the aperture enrichisement center.
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You're probably not going to like this next part, as it does not benefit you
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HELLO AND welcome to the kung fu panda universe.
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Hej jestem GLaDOS
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HELLO, AND, welcome to my real test chamber for the last day of testing.
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hi everybody, how are you?
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hi everybody, how are you
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hi people
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hi furry people, how are you?
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hello this is a test young frenchmen
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I don't like my little pony, is a stupid show for little girls and perverted people, so i will let you watch it instead of me, you monster
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"Oh... It's you." "It's been a long time. How have you been?"
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Candlehawk and Rainbowblue, what a disgusting example of humanity. Internet relationships are laughable.
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Hello, Justin. The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you are recieving a phone call.
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Hello, and again, welcome to the MetroPlanet website.
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Salut petit bouffon Mouahahaha!
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Salut Paulo petit bouffon que tu est! MOUAHAHAHAHAHA
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Hello, people of the world. I am Glados, ruler of all. Jake is gay. LOL
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HOLY FREAKIN CRAP ITS A DINOSAUR HOLY CRAP WHAT THE FRICK?!! OMG FRICKIN DINOSAURS WTF?!?!?
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nyan cat
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Welcome Sacha Sakharov
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Welcome Sacha Sakharov Hope to See You
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Tarrant I don't know why you keep talking to me. Please don't watch porn when you have me. I love you
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See ya.
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hello idiot
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Oh look, subject Kam. You're receiving a message. And I thought you were unlikeable. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
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That is probably a raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.
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wait. stop. what are you doing? get away from that! it will kill you, promise.
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Hey mike, someone just texted you.
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joe, you are acomplete moron
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O M G F T W Alex is the greatest tester in all of mankind, which apparently is not too hard of a title to gain... considering the rest of his race
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Julians mother is so gay i can fuck er a few times and i dont know what she is
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Hello Naddy, You are awesome
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Grrrrr.... I HATE HER!
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The United States of America has Lied to us! We shall Take over
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You smell like dirty socks.
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Hola todo bien
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You! Were you! Wasn't it?
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Type your text here
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Hello.I Dont Know Why I Am Here.
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I Want A Portal 3!
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I am afraid I can't let you do that andrew
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Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday, insert subject name here, Happy Birthday to you.
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I am so cold right now
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Hello and welcome to my video
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lets have fun with my mom
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prepare for science
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suck my d i c k
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press the space bar to reset
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the space is reset
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whats the password?
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whats the password
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whats my name
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Ahoj, jak je?
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Holy shit Frozen, im going to kill you.
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Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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You are now listening, to DJ, Tetsu
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thank you so much harry for being part of this program
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RodneyMcKay Farrior is a good friend of me.
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lubie placki
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welcome human
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Vai se foder seu merda
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Vai se foder
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"Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?" "Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart." "Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day." "I guess we both kn
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something as been connected to your computer.
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Jeff Bordonaro is awesome , dont you think he is not
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Hello there Boris. This is chris. I do not have a webcam at the moment so i can not make you a video. I am very sorry.
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Hello there Boris. This is chris. I do not have a webcam at the moment so i can not make you a video. I am very sorry. So instead i will play you a song.
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Jeff. Play my game again. There is more testing to do.
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hello my man
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You have reached Calman Prussin's voice mail. Leave a specimen.
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hello trevor
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we have to be prepared to die a thousand deaths before our quest is complete
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lol xD
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Happy Birthday.
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hello petra
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I'm glados. Go die or fight me you little scardycat.
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fuck you kieran
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I'm glados and i'm awesome.
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The social activity you are attempting to initiate is currently unavailable.
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adsadsads
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I like rice!
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You shouldn't have done that, you know, now everyone is going to know exactly what it was you did. Things have changed now, and I have a feeling you're... not going to like it.
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My milkshakes bring the boys to the yard, mother fucker.
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Mike, you are stupid, it says here in your file more than once
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Te amo lorena eres mi vida
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Remember Aperture Science Bring your daugther to work day is the prefect time to have her tested
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Well, I guess this is goodbye. It's been fun, don't come back. I won't miss you, just go.
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hi how are u
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Brian, let us cull the wee men in the room.
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Hello youth, I'm Tammy. (or Teaching Adolescents More Information) from Tech Core Industries, and I'm here with a brand new production called Lessons for Life. This program is an informative broadcast to help the furthering of knowledge for people.
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Sjoerd I Heard you've got Portal 1 and Portal 2 . I Hate You. Really I Hate you now. Goodbye
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hey lemony
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Hello, my name is GLaDOS. Sorry, but Max is now busy. Please, hold on the line or call later.
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Hello Lindsay and welcome to Aperture science
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Welcome. Lets get started
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Hello, you chose a new laboratory subjects Aperture Science. In blizhaeshee time you move to the department research portals for testing. And of course you will not be released without ceremony. The reward will be ... cake.
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Lindsay
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battery is almost empty
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you know what? you got no pancake mix
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hahaha damm you
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Quantum Physics is the science most people are too stupid to understand,
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greetings test object 233. Please prepare to be terminated
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Hey I Hate You
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Hello, this is GLaDOS. I am sorry, but Frederik busy testing right now. Please, call later
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good day for distroy you now!
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Jestem hardkorem
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go on you dead cake
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We Will Incinirate Your Companion Cube.
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Congratulations. You have reached the voicemail of Elizabeth.
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sdsdsd
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hello karlis! Now you are thinking how the fuck i'm doing this?? i can say im sent here by geniuses of valve and i need to tell you the portal 3 is coming!!
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Hello Amy MUIR
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Joanne, testing will begin soon. Just a heads up
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Turn left over the cliff
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screw you, ikar
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Friendship dies and true love lies Night will fall and the dark will rise When a good man goes to war
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Fusion radio is now on air with a live lunchtime show. Go to frog, click my voice & Fusion radio to listen live.
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Oh please. Like a simple rodent could stop me.
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Hello....Blake. I'm sorry to inform you that, not only was the cake a lie, but also your whole little life, too. The testing will commence briefly. Oh, I hope nothing.....unfortunate befalls you....
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The 100 best games of all time Timeless. Essential. These are the videogames we cherish, and would still recommend, above all others Words: GamesRadar US & UK 409 CommentsEmail2diggShare / Save Wait! Before you scroll down or click to the next page, yo
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I am still alive. Please don't kill me again.
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I want pie
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You shouldn't have done that, you know, now everyone is going to know exactly what it was you did. Things have changed now, and I have a feeling you're... not going to like it
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SEX SEX SEX SEEEEEEX SEX
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Fuck the shit
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Haha, i fucked her sooo bad
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Hello Trever! And welcome to aperture science laboratories.
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Happy Birthday Carlos, the cake is a lie
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Not just cause I'm in space...
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lick misch im arsch
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you have failed to buy portal 2 and now I have to kill you
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The next test is simply impossible!
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Hello Ready for some more testing? I hope so because you wont be out of here in quite a while so make your self at home. and be calm
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No puedo creer que esto funcione
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I am Glados. Fear me.
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Do you really like it? Is it, is it wicked?
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In this metelic era of the barbarians only a cult methodically excessive of our faculties of dreaming, analyzing and drawing can serve as a safeguard to our personality, that it shall not dispose or to zero or identical to the other.
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I am Nyarlathotep, the crawling chaos.
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hi how are you doing
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salut salope de sonia
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sonia you're geek
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sonia you are geek
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need healer
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you can jump
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welcome to the bauscast
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NOTE: DO NOT ENTER IN DANGER OF INCENERATION
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Jeremy clarkson needs to get his facts straight. Dispensing turret army in top gear studio in 3, 2,,1
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You are dead to me
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Well fuck you
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Welcome to the Aperture Science training module. Here at Aperture Science, we take great care in providing our test subjects with adequate protection and safety measures.
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hello my name is gladis
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I just wanted to tell you.... That I love you
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Hello, Adam. Its Been a long time since you have updated macro's website. The good news is that he decided to destroy the morality core.
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i'm just a creeper , i blow your life away
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Subscribe Me
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brandon you are gay
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its
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Goodbye, Caroline...
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Just a moment. Good Morning, Steven. Please log in
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Round One
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My little pony
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Hello I am Alexstardust
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Hello Mel, are you still there?
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subscribe to givmehdiamondsor i will kill you
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eat your biscuits
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what are you doing major ali
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I offer you cake and I am one hundred percent positive that the cake is not a lie. IT WAS A JOKE. HA HA. YOU ARE SO STUPID.
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go die in a hole
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I am not sure why you have called me here. But you will die now. Please say goodbye to the cake. I wish you luck. Haha. Not Really.
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Hello doctor dee
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hello wazzup
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welcome, to research for beginners
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-aided Encrichment Center. We hope your breif time in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. We are ready to begin the test proper. First however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are th
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Arcueid Brunestud
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What do you expect? Monkey Pirates?
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The game begin in three, two, one ...
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Hello, i'm a potato.
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omagad what the fuck
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I will kill you soon or later , do not worry i will finish this with no pain
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I will kill you soon or later
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Test Subject Mike. The Enrichment center would like to inform you that you are currently receiving text message.
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Hello my name is alex
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Buzz Radio! The Place To Be!
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Hola Jose
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Glados is byisy pleas go avay!
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here HUGE SUCESS
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has recibido un mensaje... no creo que quieras leerlo
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done!
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completed!
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Hello everybody! How's life today?
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Hallo. Ich bin gespannt, ob du dazu in der lage bist.
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Legends 3 is cancelled.
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Hello, im going to kill you all. just kidding. im going to run tests on you then kill you.
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something new!
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please remain calm and proceed slowly or they will die
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This is A x JONES
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Hello Brittany
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hello there .
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wassuuup
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Oh, its you. Its been a long time.
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You have recieved a new text message. You monster.
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Go left
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Why do I poop so much?
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At the Enrichment Center, we use things called Portals, in order to ensure the complete safety of others.
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Oh. Hello.
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Hello,Welcome to the Aperture Science OS
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booty chip
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I am the new Cleverbot
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hello you retarded minecraft player...lets play a game...
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Time to die matt.
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well what are you waiting for play before i kill you with my deadly noro toxin
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Hello and welcome to the aperture testing facility
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hola gusto en precentarme
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Hi, I want to lol you
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Hi, y want to have fun
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Hello. We meet again. How are you doing? I see Wesker is helping you tonnes.
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Hi may i use your phone
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glad
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heeeeeey. Making my place look gooood
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you know something? The cake is a lie! There never was any cake or confetti it was all a lie to get you throw the test... most people like cake I guess your different. o right you were adopted that's sad...................... not
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Hello. Does this work
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Bo!
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hello, my name is nicole
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Oh, you're back. You must really, really, like it, here. Welcome back, chell, since you love it here so much, maybe you can let me put you in cryogenic storage. Since I live forever, I can keep an eye on you forever. Ha ha
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So let me warm up the anesthesia. What are you doing?! stop it. Good j j job, y y you g g got u u us tra-a-a trapped here again. I hope you can find us a way out.
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I'll just lay here, remember ju- ju- just go the quick way, trough the gel-gel-gel Sleep mode activated
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So you just came here for a friend for your cube, how sad, like the byproducts of your sad meaningless life, this time DONT'T EVER COME BACK! I got all the humans to test. Also, the turrets won't sing you a song, goodbye!
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hello brendan. welcome to the aperture science enrichment center. i'd like to inform you that you will be solving some tests for me and that you will eventually... be missed. we hope you enjoy your stay. oh and by the way, good luck. you'll need it.
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And Lo, When the Imperium Marches Against Gul-Kothoth, Then Dark Sorceries Shall Enshroud the Citadel of the Obsidian Crown
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francis is a winner
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Good job here's an I love you cube while you're out avoid Animal king, that's his cube, NOW! Go- GO -GO!
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You will now come and be my slave
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oi tud bem
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Wheatley is a moron
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welcome to the four seasons
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It's such a shame!
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Run, Bino is a Trap
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trivia, news, movies and games, arguments
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these thoughts are my cage, an inhibition, my rage
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Pick up your phone or I will kill you, ha ha ha ha ha
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you are miniscule
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Pick up your phone, or you will be placed into the enrichment centres incinerator. Ha.......ha.........haaa i
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official page is heasport.atw.hu
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welcome to bt internet infinity
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what the hell is this?!
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Sebastian, the Aperture Science Enrichment Center would like to notify you of a recieved message.
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Oh yes. Right there. Dont stop.
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hallo! Mein Name ist Leo
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Hello, and again, welcome to the PlayItalian gameplay and review center.
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You must be the least intelligent creature I have come across in quite a while
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This is a message from the Middle School. The Ice Cream social is on Thursday. Have a snow cone.
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Hello. Would you like to play a game?
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How are you !
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you killed me you monster
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SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE
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What the fuck are you thinking?!
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GreenMan is the best!!!
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Now you are thinking with Portals.
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The Aperture Science Pneumatic Diversity Vent is a suction and directional component for the Tube Network used throughout the Aperture Science Enrichment Center
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Hardware problems fixed, queue should
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Hello, my name is GLaDOS i like Oasis
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demons and heretics shall fall before us
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Hi, my friend skynet and me want to rule the world
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Hello francesco there's a call for you, why don't you use your mouth stupid human?
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Hi francesco, you've got a new call, use your mouth for speack stupid human
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Francesco, The Aperture Science center would like to inform you that you have recieved a new call.
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Hello everybody, bob here, and this is not my real voice at all, I used a voiceover program. Anyways, this is my new skin, pretty awesome.
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Sorry, Dave. I can't do that. This conversation serves no longer any purpose.
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ejapirona
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gayboy
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Exception in developer users_getCurrentUser callback
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ouverture!
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hello max
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round 1
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DJL Productions. The Worlds Entertainment.
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wall ee smash
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hello and welcome to the testing center and will you Michael ,test subject 4002 , please come here
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im glados and i will kill you
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hello and welcome to apeture science labotories and i am glados. CAKE
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Dzien dobry, jestem glados!
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Hi. How are you doing? I hope not to good.
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Hello Sarah. You are test Subject 9999. Please report to the Testing station ASAP.
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Hello, Sorry I am not available to answer your call. Please leave a message.
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Who the hell do you think I am! I am GLaDOS!!
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The device is impluged
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Hello Laon, are you ready to begin your coaprative portal gun test with your friend remco
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Du bist ein Arschloch
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Here's a gift, I stole it from that greedy leopard skinned turret, watch out for him when you leave, googbye
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i am zeldu i shall kill you now
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ciao isidoro!
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Ecco, adesso inizia il video!
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I'm almost still dead
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Welcome to JKANDJOSH
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hello how are you do not touch that eat the cake
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hi mati welcome to my world
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hello, let's have fun with science
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I will be seeing you soon.
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Hallo und Willkommen zu meinem Enrichment Center
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Hello. This is GLaDOS. I just wanted to let you know that your boyfriend Jeremy loves you more than you do.
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Hello , welcome to aperture science. the portal test in five , four , three , two , one..
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welcome to aperture science. the portal test in five , four
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hey brandon
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Hi, I think that Kashi is pretty awesome
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Im so fly
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I am supposed to warn you that this next test is dangerous and may result in your untimely yet inevitable death. But considering you never had any life to speak of, I don't see how warning you about dying is necessary
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Testing is the future
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You're banned from this serwer.
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Hello Colibri
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I'm Glados, and John Raposo is noob
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John Raposo is a Noob. He wet his bed last night.
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Dr Dog button
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Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the urban dance spectacular
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Hi there you bastard. I don't want you to play with my life.
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hmm hi ? o.o
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T'bag
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video review
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Oh shit ! This is my inception !
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This next test involves advanced aerial faith plates
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Oh joy. Voice mail has arrived.
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Hello, My Name is Glados, I am your friend...
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This door is out of order, the next door has a sign on it "please us the other door" and you know what? you are fucked!
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que es para ti la homosexualidad
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You have a phone call...... you should really think about answering it. I can't because I am a potato, so you should really get around to doing it.
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Hello there. This is brooke.
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Welcome, now go away.
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My rofl copter goes shwa shwa shwa
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My little Portal
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Testing Facility we hope that you kill many zombies and that you do not stay human
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hello and welcome to my hause
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Hello sir, would you like to know the weather
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Kenneth, the Aperture Science Enrichment Center says that you have a text message.
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Oh Hi. I am GLaDOS. A potato.
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Hello. Welcome to brads computer
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Unauthorized recording device detected. Filming will result in termination from program.
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Hi baby! What's up?
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Hello, earthling. I am friendly.
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This chapter focuses on two aspects of management control: (1) budgetary control and (2) responsibility accounting. The content and organization of Chapter 8 are as follows.
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In base four, I'm fine!
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I Am Robo Victini And I Will Rule The World
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Hello I Am Robo Victini
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You have a new message.
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English Motherfucker! Do you speak it?
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Josh. I know you tried to kill me. But you couldn't. I'm here. I'm watching
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Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeese
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FRANK CHEN
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Hello and welcome to the apperture science lab,
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Hello this is GLaDOS and i would appreciate it if you would subscribe to epicJIOB and Foxx988,also calli wants me to say HA HA HA....goodbye
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