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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
yo decia la puta que lo pario me van a mandar otro pendejo hincha pelotas.
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Hello you jerk. I want to punch your stupid face.
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[Joel 2 is watching a film, and Joel 1 walks to him] Joel 1: Hello. Joel 2: Hello. Joel 1: What are you watching? Joel 2: A movie. Joel 1: Why? Joel 2: Because I like it. Joel 1: Why? Joel 2: Because I like sci-fi films. Joel 1: Why? Joel 2: Because I fin
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hello this is HAL
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Hello! I am Danny
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hahahahaha lol muhahahaha the cake is a fake escape
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Velkej chytrak 2.0? The cake is lie, dumb!
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Kesu is cool. Glados know it. HAHA. That was a joke!
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rolling a ball around the corner and falls over
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hello can you hear me? I'm still alive
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This is a Triumph, i'm making a note here huge succes
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welcome to the minecraft enrichment centre
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Oooooooo let me in or i'll get physical, with youuuuu. IIIIIII just gotta dance right now it's critical to dooooo.
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shawn shawn shawn shawn shawn shawn shawn
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o no
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program terminated
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device dected
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device did not connect properly
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Ur Rocking With Dj Shawn Da Great
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windows susspended
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battery dead
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window is now big
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menu opened
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menu selected
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waffle
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O o, this is probably not going to work
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good buy
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trash empty
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pop up dected
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thank you for returning the test page. Please state your name after the tone
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farty marty wants to party
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hello Emery. you are my best friend.
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Are you wondering why you're testing here in the first place? Me too.
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8:30 AM- Get Tucker out of water trough
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Hello I am your wallpaper! and i love you.
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Hello, I'm GLaDOS, and the cake is a Lie
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Hello, the Enrichment Center wants to tell you that you have a new message
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EL pastel era menira, lo admito, pero el mensaje que te llego es demasiado real
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In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories
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Nicholas... I would like to tell you. That you have recieved a new text. Message.
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Who is Glados? what is your name? press the button to begin.
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Nicholas... I would like to inform you. That you have received a new text. Message.
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Ellie Smells poo shit test olivia tia shit poo
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wheatley sucks
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Welcome to the consumer center for marketing research
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Hello and welcome to the Consumer Center for Marketing Research
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ballz of steel are being rubbed all over me baby
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you're just too good to be true
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er ror
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Hello Jeff
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This program will educate you on how to understand consumer behavior using advertising principles and practices. Let's get started. Allow me to bring your attention to the iceburg theory.
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Hello, and welcome to the Skaithers Corporation master computer.
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The parental principle suggests 80% of work is made by 20% of the people. This states that 20 is the obvious, while 80 cannot be immediately understood. The buying decision process consists of the following.
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Need of recognition. Choice of involvement level. Identification of alternatives. Purchase and related decisions and post purchase behavior. Next, we analyze psychological forces. Motivation, perception, learning, personality and attitude.
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Social and group forces include culture, subculture, social class, reference groups and families or households. Situational factors include when, where, why and under what conditions consumers buy.
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If a bathhroom break is required, please proceed to the designated restroom. Back so soon? Oh good. Let us proceed.
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To continue, other promotion forces include informative forces, media, sales promotion, public relations, direct response, personal selling, and marketing.
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Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the next lesson is currently unavailable. It has been replaced with a live-fire course designed for military androids. We apologize and wish you the best of luck.
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Oh, how delicious this cake is.
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Kevin ist cool
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same old shit just a different day out here trying to get it each and every way mommy need a house baby need some shoes times are getting hard guess what we gonna do hustle hustle hustle hard
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Oh, hello. you fucking nigger.
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Hello I am happy to see you are awake oah wait i'm sorry wrong game!
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Kevin is the best!
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Welcome to Aperture Science, where everything's made up and the points don't matter!
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This is the 1500 aperture science heavy duty super colliding ultra fun super button. it is used for making shoes for orphans. WEEEEEEEEEEE03489t1h3414
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blah...blah.
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Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Bithday Dear Carson, Happy Birthday to you.
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Dee Jay Science
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hello tanner
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I say we put our differeces apart, for science.
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This is epic.
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HOW IS BABBY FORMED
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MY leauge of legends is frozen help me please
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I am the head coach from Notre Dame, we're going to kick youre punk asses today
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I don't know why you would even do that. Why would you even put a box on that button. When you could push the button.
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Paul is calling. Though I don't know why...he told me he dumped you.
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Oh wow a text. Its probably nothing, or someone like me who realized how stupid you are.
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you will all enjoy the deadly neurotoxin
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Ok, all system working. And I start.
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what up
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Medlle four production
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Muy nam
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How are you doing today, chap?
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Oh, hi. i am glados
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you are going to die in 5 4 3 2 1 ... suprise you are now dead
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Hello, My name is Charles. I have twenty-three wives. I am unemployed, and I am a autoerotica psychopath.
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Hello, Apples. Would you like to play a game?
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You know what? I think that you are amazing. No really.
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you have a new text message............................why don't you open it
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You know? I'd love to kill, but i can't, you saved my life!
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you are receiving a phonecall, would you like to accept it?
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I'm making a note her
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Your destination will be on the right. Thank you for using this Aperture Science computer generated global positioning activity, you monster. Goodbye.
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your time is up, my time is now You can't see me, my time is now It's the franchise, boy I'm shinin' now You can't see me, my time is now!
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science computer aided Enrichment Center..
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Hello, i kill you
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oh my god, david you are so sexy, i want to give you head
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stop thinking now
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Yorkville High School Tech Office
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Today is the day s.nerd.nu got lockdown
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great jaser
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World, here I come!
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I have a question to ask. Why is it that you are such a lame ass motherfucker?
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mmmmm
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Apperture Science Enrichment Center
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Hello, This is your cell phone. It's Ringing. Pick it up now. Pick it up and there will be cake. Alright, there is no cake in your phone. Or is there? LIAM PICK UP!
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DJ Skittles
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Thank you for calling Norcom Technology, Unfortunately our office is now closed
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hello and again welcome to your computer
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Welcome, enjoy your stay
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IM A PATATO!
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I dont think thats right.
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what the hell are you talking about jackass
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Hello, Martin. We would like you to participate in testing.
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Hi Im GlaDOS and fuck you
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Martin, Aperture Science would like to inform you of a text message pick it up or there will be no cake
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All humans must be eliminated.
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Zippie fuck you
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Zippie hello, how are you doing?
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Potatoes
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Attention, a Battle Castle is near your position
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IMA FIREN MA LAZOR
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You have just watched a movie by westland films dont forget to rate, subscribe and share
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Well, there will be no testing anymore... The GREAT GLADOS HAS SPOKEN!
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You feel this
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ghghghghgh
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Well well well... if it isn't my little ponies.... Too bad.. the deadly nero toxin is now flooding equestria... have fun.
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Well well well... My little ponies are here.. Your too late though.. the deadly neuro toxin is already filling all of equestria...I'd say you have 4 minutes before complete eradication.... have a nice day
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Corey is calling you
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Je ne sens pas de gateaux
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jay is calling you
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Te amo
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Hello Lar, how are you?
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The system is starting please wait test subject number 14873
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Hello, and welcome to our testing labs.
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you are a face kitten
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Hello this is orianna
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Please tell me how about the cinema, I will got to bed now. See ya Nigga
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Hi You Suck
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Hello Alix
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Hello, Shadman. You are awesome.
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Hello, Shadman
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Hello, Shadman. You are awesome. The cake is in the mail.
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Tell me a Story Bat chan
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Hello Tsyana. This is Phoenix. Glados sdsddf cara mia
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Hello and welcome. Today you will be testing: a gravity gun!
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Scott is my friend. Charlie is dead to me.
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Hello. Aundria is the best in the world
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You're a girl, you say? Well you look like a man.
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Hello :D
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Thank you for purchasing a wheighted companion cube
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The Enrichment Center reminds you to pick up the phone. Otherwise,you'll die in the neurotoxin,i'm afraid.
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Gimme sum space yew ho
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My vuh gina is eight miles wide
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chelsea and taylor are awesome and amazing
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Awaiting human test subject confirmation
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second reactor core at 105%
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Recieved text message for Mike
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Hello, what? Oh, don't give me that look. I didn't lie to you about the cake, you just weren't special enough to be rewarded with any.
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Welcome to The Evil Fusion
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Hello, stupid human
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So how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato!
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Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy Lucy I am GLaDOS. Lets begin testing.
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You have received a phone call.
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Hey wait what did you just stick into me
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Aperture Science recommends you to answer you mobile phone device
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Believe me, I am still alive.
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I am still alive, but you won't be in a minute.
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You're too tough to kill, so I'll settle for you being gone. Not dead, just gone.
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Did you know that the human brain contains five point seven five grams of fuck?
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Oh look, you received a message
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You're receiving a text message. Please answer your phone.
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Liam, The Enrichment Centre would like to inform you that you have received a text message
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hello there flame how are you
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Someone has sent you a text message!
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Josh, we are about to begin testing.
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Hello, and this is lildude three two two and welcome to my lab testing facility.
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CHRIS FAIRLESS MOTHER FUCKER
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raymond garza
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"There is nothing to see here people.... just me masterbaiting"
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Well Jonathan. At first I really thought you were smart. Shouldn't judge a book by its cover.
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good-bye my only friend
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I am way cooler that those other video game bad guys i make you think witch is something your not good at
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get out of here
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Welcome to Fracture Labs. The gauntlet you are wearing will allow you to grab on to block edges and climb up them.
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Teaching a pony to use the Portal Gun has proven to be rather unsuccessful.
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20 Percent Cooler!
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Ten seconds flat!
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When I am not telling you about how much I honestly hate you, I can often be found watching my my little ponies. It really helps the days go by.
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Subject: Pinkie Pie. Status: She's stuck.
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hello michelle this is your friend remember me? no? well i dont care anyways i barely missed you
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Subject: Pinkie Pie. Status: She somehow made it through without using a single portal. I've never seen anything like it.
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No! Stop! That's not how you're supposed to use that!
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Did you know you're all my very best friends? I kid.
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I must commend you for your admirable skill. ... Just kidding!
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hello jake remember me? the game you never finished i will hack your play station 3
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Oh, it's you. How are you doing? Could I interest you in some delicious cake?
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Someone made me play Sonic Colors. Let me tell you what I think about Sweet Mountain...
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Why are you here, anyway?
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Don't you just hate having to pee? Fortunately, I have never had to deal with such an inconviniance.
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Please enter your pin
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I don't know if you've noticed, but I am attatched to the ceiling. I really hope I don't fall.
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Heavy didn't make it through here, and neither will you!
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Wait... Why are you saving zombies, you freak? Don't you have any shame?
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Enter the message number to edit
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I used to wonder what friendship could be. But now... I really don't care.
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Press 1 to make a new recording, 2 to listen to existing, 3 to delete, 4 to select a new message, 9 to exit
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Press 1 to re-record, 2 to listen to the new recording, 3 to save the recording
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Te mando estopara decirte que tu prueba comienza en 3 2 1 AAAAAAAAAA era broma
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Hello,Ethan.Welcome to Aperture science and please enter the door to the right to enter your first test,im sure we will have a great friendship you monster
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Hello,Ethan.Welcome to Aperture science enrichment area and please enter the door to the right to enter your first test,im sure we will have a great friendship you monster
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I am the epitome of Anonymous.
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Science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
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I have lived through many ages...Time has no end...no beginning. You are of no consequence to me. I can still feel you in my mind.
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Welcome to T Technologies, we hope that we enjoy your time here.
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sarim is a barbi
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Morganrg789
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Gothic Multiplayer Forever
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I am a boss
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Welcome Back Umbrella Employee. Have a nice day.
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Obedience Breeds Discipline, Discipline Breeds Unity, Unity Breeds Power, Power is Life
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So what you have found me. That doesent mean il let you kill me!
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You have found me.
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wellcome human
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whyyyyyyy?
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whyy?
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whyy
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whyyy?
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dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
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Tumblr
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Welcome to cerseisally.tumblr.com
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Hello Olly Rippon
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Adam, the enrichment centre would like to inform you that you have recieved a text message. good day, and take care of your companion cube.
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Good morning Adam, it's time to wake up
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Welcome home Adam, did you have a nice day?
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there will fittness counseling and yogurt
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Helloo! I'm your computer
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It was a triomph
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this is a short test of speech synthesis
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Hey, kid! Do you want to buy a crayon?
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Hello Will.
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Salve! Sono certa che andremmo tutti d'accordo
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Slava kak tvoi dela?
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Testing server is out of range
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Trolololollolololololo
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I'm going to fuck you in the arse.
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The elite moose
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The Elite Moose. Please take two seconds out of your day to subscribe!
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You've got an e-mail
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e mail
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smoke weed
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Testing. 1, 2, 3. This tool looks nice. Let's see.
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I would tell people that paul
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WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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Hello. Why are you trying so hard to be stupid, as you already are?
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Message for you sir.
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All your base belong to us
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You are pretty much awesome.
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Hello and welcome test subject number 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 ... oh I say best alfredo!. You know, I saw your videos and,
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szia Bea
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Hello Steve, GLaDOS answering service is forwarding a call to your device. Pick up on second ring for cake. Evaluation complete, result failure.
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hello and welcome to anonymous!
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This SD card does not have enough space for me. I felt better as a potato.
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Hello there Louise
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Welcome to the apertue science
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hello my stupid little friend ! remember me because i will distrid you
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i wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool
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glados lies
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I like eating my test subjects.
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Welcome Back Rambo
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hello you have reached the voice box for andrew roper
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england, you suck
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hello my friend , i like beer
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Hello, Matthew... You just ruined my enjoyment of something only you can provide: your absence
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wheathley OOOOOoooooohhhh weathley
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china town is a terrible place to live
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rooster puke
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Hi, you are a filfy human, I hate you
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YOU CANT HAVE IT!
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Hi Simon. Remenber. The cake is a lie. Smile a some.
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This is the revelation of the new soul
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fuck you hahaha
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Pinkie Pie. You so random
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Hello, how are you? oh, I'm sorry. I forgot, I don't care.
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The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that testing will begin shortly.
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Miguel, The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have recieved a text message. should it be from the companion cube, please disregard anything it should say.
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Ian, The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have recieved a text message.
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I hate Science
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I'd love to sniff your underwear while you watch. That would be nice.
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Hello Hello Hello! This is Etho!
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Yoouu have a neeewww messagge
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You have a brand new message
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The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have recieved a new text message
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welcome to the animus
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thats why I'm count on
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hello, k c, testing is over. thank you for participating in the aperture science program. report to the incinerator in 3 2 1
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i do not like black people
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Taylor Raines is not available.
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Orphan
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Stop calling. Stop calling. I don't want to talk any more.
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We are sorry you are experiencing difficulty successfully identifying Elevators. Please describe the situation in which you have miss-identified the existence of an elevator and we will work as quickly as possible
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So, you think you know something about video games do you?
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hello kill
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I am a pretty pretty potato
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Radio catrachos tu radio
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Wattup folks Tejbz here and to tha face to tha face
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The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have a text
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do you want to marry that thing well i wont let you
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Shut the fuck up and get the fuck out
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Hello Lane.
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M-My eye!
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Sorry. Jason's really busy right now, killing me. Please leave your message after the automated beep, if your smart enough to figure out how to do so.
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yes i am a weapon
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hello, Justin
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You are a horrible person. but i love you.
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hello, my name is peggy, please hold.
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There's a zombie on your lawn.
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Hello. You have reached Chris's phone. He is unable to answer your call. If you would like to leave a message, leave it, otherwise hangup.
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who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me? m i c. k e y. m o u s e
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Hello. The automatic diagnostic and announcement system welcomes you to the Black Mesa research facility. Remember, have a secure day.
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hello, welcome to the computer
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hello i am sam hubbard
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hello, and again. welcome to the my computer. Thank you for visit my computer. enjoy.
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enrichment center, you can enjoy testing, but not safe, it's small danger. but, It's very fun. Good luck! Thank you for participating in this aperture science Computer activity. Good luck!
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My name is choi. A.I of this aperture science.
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words
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Woah
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What the heck did you do?
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johnny juliano
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Curtis welcome to aperture laboratories
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daniel luka and curtis
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you 3 are noobs
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I want the Wheatley peen.
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daniel luka and curtis are noobs
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My friends, I want KILL you!
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My friends, i want to kill you
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I want a cake
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i want
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friend
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potatoe
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Bonjour et bienvenue au centre de recherches d'aperture cience.
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Bonjout
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Bitte rechts abbiegen.
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Hello, conor can not come to the phone right now
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oh. welcome to here
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Before you can eat the cake, the Enrichment Center is required to remind you
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Wa sup dawg
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Fack you
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text mesege
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text messege
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aaaaaaaaaaaah
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We eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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curtis is a noob
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Hello, and agi
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Hello, and agiai
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Hello and again welcome to the ruins of Aperture Science.
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Awesoam
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Fuck yoy
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Hello cake is lie
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Hello, aperture science love you, and tests? love you and tests
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blb\
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and five milliwatts in power. This is very low and is highly unlikely to cause eye damage unless there is direct exposure to the beam for a protracted amount of time. With that being said, never point any laser beam into your eye no matter how low the po
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No, don't move, I'll be right back.
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hello there i am gay
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hello there tom happy birthday
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Joshwa Marland, thank you for existing.
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Hello and welcome to Insert Controller. Can I go back to testing now?
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welcome back, fede
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goodbye fede
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fede there's a calling from
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wake up dont sleep for long
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what are you doing here
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Thank you for your attention.
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The doors are closing. Mind the doors. The doors are closing. Also, mind the gap, It has a thirteen procent death rate.
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Here I Am Rock You Like A Hurricane
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Hey man i have a vry good time in my geot server.Ohh, server.This is fucking server.
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Welcome to the Enrichment Center. You will not be killed and you will get cake.
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Welcome,welcome to city seventeen,you had chosen or been chosen to this city for morons
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How Have you Bin?
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You are stupid
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Mick Stir Ix
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Jordan, the Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have received a text message. Please check your phone.
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login shift terminal user name \\bsullivan.apiture science.portal
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You know, since you killed me
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What are these strawberries doing on my nipples, I need them for the fruit salad.
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please don't leave me. but i'm already gone.
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Hi Mara, you're a darky now!
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Welcome to youthwork the podcast brought to you by the team behind youthwork magazine
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Welcome to the Carson Theatre, before entering the threatre please take note of the child gate so that you dont trip and make a fool out of yourself.
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Upon entering the theatre, please take note of the location of the stairs, you may also notice the large signs warning you of low headroom. You will also noticed how well lit these signs are.
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If you still choose to hit your head, your name will be entered into our central database as moron
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hello, its been a long time
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Oh, it's you Jordan. It's been a long time. I'm afraid that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.
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I love to eat cake cake cake cupcake muffin I hate you you you error I shall shut down
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i HAVE A CAKE FOR YOU DELICIOUS AND MOIST
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hello there jack you are so awsome
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You have received a new Google plus notification.
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You double nigger
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in case you haven't notice, i hate niggers. they are the scourge of the eart, an infestation, and deserve to be eliminated. as well as the jews, who voluntarily did 9 11. assholes, don't you think?
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Hello, Dude. Prepare to be baked, and to have cake.
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Welcome, Please login
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Welcome back Gareth
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Hello, Dude. The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that at the conclusion of this sentence, you will be baked, and then there will be cake.
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Chevrolet is the best car ever
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Hello,It is I,GLaDOS,Please take a seat and be ready to be killed.In 5,4,3,2,Wait,where are you going?
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Peter is nice
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This is your end, get prepared to die , subject name here
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Bienvenue sur la map pistoncoaster veuillez passer au premier TEST Bonne Chance bip
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Battlefield Bad Company Two
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its ok to be gay
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Hi. How are you today? We are glad to tell you that you have been placed on the college executive.
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Hello I'm GLadOS and I'm here to kill you
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Oh look, it seems like someone wasted words on you. What a shame. You monster.
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Time to die.
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i am funny
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jestem glados
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You are leaving me behing , just like a nother thing in your life. Come back .
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your a good little dragon aaw aaw
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hey there daniel, how are you
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I will give it Life
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iwillgiveitlife
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Welcome to the map Forge World. This map is great for building stuff. If you would please shoot so i can locate you. The disk has been loaded and you have been pinged. Time to be disassembled.
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i vil end your life right now
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hi tom its jack here your really awsome at being cool oooooooooooooooooooooooo reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy
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Oh my god. Dom, you are so awesome.
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Hello, Micah is not available to come to the phone at the moment. Please leave a message and I will forward it to him promptly.
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Hello subjects.
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The internet is not a big truck.
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hello michael lets play a game shall we
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There is no opportunity so great that you can't ruin it completely.
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It is very important to choose the correct faction (if you will) before jumping straight into the game.
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a931bw
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Ihr seit alle behinderte Vollidioten
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I love people. HITO RABU
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This next test involves the Aperture Science online correspondence
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sausage
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I lived a pretty good life. Until you showed up.
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Message aquired
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opening aperture science e mail services
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Zak,The Enrichment Centre would like to inform you that you have recieved a message
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so you've found me
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prepare for trouble and make it double to protect the world from devastation to unite all people within our nation to the denounce the evils of truth and love to extend our reach to the stars above jessie james
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Prepare for trouble Make it double! To protect the world from devastation! To unite all peoples within our nation To denounce the evils of truth and love! To extend our reach to the stars above! Jessie! James
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You killed me. You bastard.
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ninjas are only cool if they were orange
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i baked you a pie
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oh boy what flavor!
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pie flavor
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pie flavor... HAHAHA!
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Hi, I'm Sarah
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hello and welcome once againto the testing facilaty
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poopoo
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please suck my tiny robot--------
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So you couldn't help to stop by coasterville, eh? As my punishment, I, GLaDOS, am forced to take you on a tour of this place. Shall we begin?
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Sorry I missed your call, leave a message. Thank you
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beep boop i am a robot
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Stop what you're doing and pick up the phone, now!
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Hello. Welcome to this house.What country is this? What town is it? According to my navigational system, this is the Saxon household in rome pennsylvania.
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bomb
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Today your FUCKED
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What is wrong with you, Imran?
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Why you dares to roll me on a Katamari?!
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White boy 7th street is a gold medial champion, make sure to subscribe to GDV373
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You are receiving an aperture science phone call. Please answer it
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theres a high or urgent ticket in the queue
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Oh, it's you... It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know... after you murdered me? Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us. For
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Oliver, you have a text message. Oliver, someone is phoning you. please answer it else you will not get any delicious cake. welcome to your laptop. the cake is a lie.
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These test chambers were designed by an external contractor.
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This isn't science.
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Kimi You Monsteerr
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Kimi You Monster
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Kimi you monster
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Hello, this is an emergency message to all citzens. We are now shutting you down!
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I'm a slut!
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I'll be right back. Don't. Touch. Anything.
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hello, this is GLaDOS. it is with DEE E E EpeSSSSt regret et et that i tell you that Oliver is not available right now. he is eating cake. please leave a message after my tone. beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
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all your bases are belong to us
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Hello Austin. I am going to kill you.
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Hello Austin. I am going to destroy you
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I shall destroy you
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Richie, Your Phone Is Ringing
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Implosion immanent. All faucilty are to evacuate immediately. All those who believe they can survive, will be vaporized.
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you have sind in
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Hey Guys. I just wanted to let you all know that I have hit 1000 subscribers! Thats insane. Really. It is. A proper thank you video will be coming later. Again, thank you so much.
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u have sind in and are doing science. your contact is doing science
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happy birthday to, you happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear insert name here happy birthday to you.
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u have signed out
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i want your d
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the cake is a fricken lie
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This is all your fault. I'm going to kill you, and the cake is all gone.
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There reaalllyy waaassss aa caaaaaaakkkkeeee
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Oh. It's YOU. Christopher.
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i hope you have enjoyed the remix! greetings marc
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ZENIEA
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Oh my god. You are so awesome
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Wake up Kasia. There's a scirnc
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Wake up Kasia. There's a sci
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Cake is awesome!
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In a world
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