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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
hi bunny how are u today
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My battery is is low. Please plug my in.
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christian is a buttlick he is the mark henry of skinnyness
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In other words, there are 3 possibilites to this next test, therefore this is too complicated and must be shut down
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you are a pussy!
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Look at you hacker, running through my corridors...
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Jeremy, your space buddy misses you.
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we are pleased that you died
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Hello, Kilby. You have managed to find me.
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Give me more wood please
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Hello There Welcome To Santander Accounts
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oh no crumbles
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Hello, Test Subject 3, Laxgrie
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Dj Gabi In Te Mix
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hello! welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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This is your mission: infiltrate a heavily guarded enemy stronghold in order to recover a stolen piece of technology. We have one chance at extraction, and after that, are on our own. This base belongs to Flaming Dragon a notorious criminal organization r
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hello, welcome to the voicemail
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Welcome back, cake!
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ally killed
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commander
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wa
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critical hit
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Hello and welcome. LSDS wishes to console. subject name here. for the inconvenience of this voicemail. Please leave a. short. to the point. message. as prolonged exposure to cellular waves is not recommended.
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Pufy cheaks
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testchamber 11
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in this video i will be showing some gameplay of brink
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tank
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rotation of the tower restored
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rotational speed of the tower is reduced
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rotation of the tower can not be
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You can go
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Hello Ahstenn. Are you having a good day?
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track restored
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track destroyed
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track damaged
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increased chance of rupture
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target unlocked
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Build Complete
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target captured
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surveying devices functional
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surveying devices destroyed
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surveying devices damaged
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battle
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battle start
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radioman killed
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radio damaged
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need help
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loader killed
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gunner killed
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gun functional
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gun destroyed
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gun damaged
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fuel tank damaged
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fire stopped
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engine
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enemy sighted
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got shit
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enemy on fire
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driver
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defeat
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it was close
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crew deactivated
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bull's-eye
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not broken
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ammo bay damaged
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not pierced
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You killed an ally
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Sei un pezzo di merdaaa
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Welcome To Chamber Infinity
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Chelsea, you have a text message, check it, you moron.
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everybody was kung fu fighting
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You'll want to get the four C Cs codec pack
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Gello
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Hello. I am Danny.
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Poop. Ha ha. Danny is cool!
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Poop. Hee hee! Danny is cool!
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Poop! Hee hee! Danny is cool.
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Gordon Freeman, you will enter stasis once again.
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I'm alive again, Chell. I was lying when I said I'd let you go. I'll get you... and make you suffer.
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fasdfasfs
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my roflcopter goes soi soi soi soi
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well here we are again, it's always been a pleasure
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Pieces of our mind
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Go an fuck yourself
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i will suck ur bananas if you do THE PWEDIDA
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i love my little pony. i watched eight thousand seven hundred twenty one series of my little pony
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I think no
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Holy shit what is this
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Hello everypony
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Seven AM waking up in the morning
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I love you, will you be my best friend
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Sscciieennccee Ccaann Bbee Ffaann
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hello. are you really to test?
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That wasn't suppose to happen
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Once upon a time,in the land of hyrule,everyone was okay,and everything was cool until the dark prince gannon appeared and said :Tri-force is mine and everything is dead! Really? Know your role link,I'll leave you black and blue,and by the way-What? I
Download08/06/2011Not recorded
Ooh ooh We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let y
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nem tudok neki adni semmit.
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Why run when you can walk? Why walk when you can fall? into a pit of fire.
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Maybe Black Mesa, that was a joke, HA HA, fat chance.
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This is a special mix, for gay boy, daniel leonard
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miss julie fuller your son kevin has been chosen for assassination
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Willkommen. Bitte gib das Passwort ein, oder du wirst sterben!
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You are so cruel. why do you insist on making everything troublesome?
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Hello and welcome to Victor's workstation.
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Thank you for partici
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Thank you for your participation. Your arrival at this point confirms your skill in the stadium challenge you have been issued. Continue into the next room to proceed to the exit path
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Well you won. You won a cake...A CAKE...DEATH CAKE!
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You moron. I don't love you, I never loved you, and why should I love you now?
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welcome to the aperture science laborator,are you ready to die,sorry i mean to test all the chambers?
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Hello Becca... Would you like to hear some Africa?
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Just in case you were still wondering, i'm still a potatoe.
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I see you are a butthead
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Hey Vickrum You Have Voice Mail! Testers Must Pick UP All Messages!
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Hi. Yes, I'm recording this on a turret. And yes, I am still alive.
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The cake is a lie, and you will die!
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hola soy glados xD, recuerdas cuando me dijste que me fuera a la mierda
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Hm,hello petite mouche
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HAve a nice day, Diniboy!
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Virus definitions have been updated
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Continue on the next route to get to the wrong destination
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Aaron you are a moron!
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Morning or noon or evening and welcome to hi.22dm.com, please refer to the forum sections, and the rules and regulations, please refer to the "original impetus Forum Management Regulations"
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Oh, there you are...
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Why Cant I Use The Text
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Thank's for using Android 2.2 Froyo
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weak
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Hello? Are you still there.
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hero
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Take a right here and lose weight. I'm not joking, that's what it says. It says to lose weight.
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hello human... my name is glados
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How are you? fine? okay...
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the fuck you doing
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Hi Sian
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Hello. Nobody here wants to talk to you. They all went to a big party and you weren't invited. But you can talk to your friend, companion cube. She'll listen.
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somethings are cut, but hey, why not?
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Alert! You have priority. Dwell here for 45 seconds
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Turn right at the next intersection. Oh...you actually did it. You believed me? HAHAHA. What kind of failure would turn right? Are you even sure you know how to drive? Why don't you just pull over and get out of the car, lie in a ditch somewhere?
Download08/07/2011Not recorded
You fail at life and all it's applications.
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We werent even testing for that
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Turn right at the next intersection. Oh...you actually did it. You believed me? HAHAHA. What kind of failure would turn right? Are you even sure you know how to drive? Why don't you just pull over and get out of the car, lie in a ditch somewhere? You aren
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rrdrd ddry dtr dtrdftrdfute dyr
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We weren't even testing for that
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Good Morning, Kathleen
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hello, I am Niels Billen
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Hello, you moron
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Right turn in 3.4 miles
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Turn right on next intersection
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"Turn right at the next intersection. Oh...you actually did it. You believed me? HAHAHA. What kind of failure would turn right? Are you even sure you know how to drive? Why don't you just pull over and get out of the car, lie in a ditch somewhere? You are
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Hi how are you ?
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It is time to learn some software engineering.
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I am going to eat you.
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Hello there. I did not notice you around.
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You have reached Trevor's voicemail. Leave a message or fuck off. Thanks.
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Why playing custom games son.
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Yes, quite.
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dffffffssdff
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you are scum, pure scum
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Turn right at the next intersection. Oh...you actually did it. You believed me? HAHAHA.
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I don't think that means what you think it means
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What on earth are you doing?
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The next test is my favorite chember!
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Please wait while I boot your android.
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I don't think that means what you think it means ...
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Hello there. My name is Glados. Nice to meet you. Have a great day tomorrow
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Please wait while I boot windows.
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You need to turn right.
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you actually did it. You believed me? HAHAHA. What kind of failure would turn right?
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Going so soon? windows is shutting down.
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This probably won't end well.
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spppaaaccccceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Turn right at the next intersection
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Kitties =3
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I am the nightmare that crushes your dreams.
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craig, you have a message
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In one hundred yards, turn left. Or is that right? To be fair, you're the one being tested. How about you tell me?
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You have failed to come up with anything interesting to say, goodbye.
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welcome to aperature science
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I don't think you're going where you think you're going
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oh hello kyle, why arent you asleep yet?
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Tom , the Aperture Science Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have a new message.
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Testing the GPS voice
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sdhksahdksahdas
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"Turn right at the next intersection. Oh...you actually did it. You believed me? HAHAHA. What kind of failure would turn right? Are you even sure you know how to drive? Why don't you just pull over and get out of the car, lie in a ditch somewhere?
Download08/07/2011Not recorded
Nice stocking. You've failed.
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Is this actually sound snippets spoken by the voice actress?
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And we weren't even testing for that.
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I think it would be best if you answered the telephone, Keegan.
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I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you murdered me!
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i love potatoes
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There is no way you can be serious. Unless you're incredibly stupid. You're not incredibly stupid, are you?
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hahaha you won.
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Ximena te amo con todo mi corazon, hare lo que sea por ti, cuando quieras, siempre estare ahi para apoyarte, i love you 4 ever and ever
Download08/07/2011Not recorded
Turn right at the next intersection. Oh..you actually did it. You believed me? HAHAHA. What kind of failure would turn right? Are you even sure you know how to drive? Why don't you just pull over and get out of the car, lie in a ditch somewhere?
Download08/07/2011Not recorded
now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their
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Yeah, take the lemons!
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I miss emily. It's been a long time
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Everything is a test. In fact, even believing whether this is a test or not is actually being tested.
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The cake is real, and it's here, on Pandora.
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Turn left ahead. Wait... I cant believe you actually did it.
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This is for the science.
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This is my mailbox please leave a message
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snitches get stitches
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NIGGERS ARE EVIL!
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Oh. It's you
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Welcome to the aperture science laboratory center.
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Turn Right at the next corner
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titty sparkles
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I hate you ari
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Turn Left at the next intersection
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I'M THE GREATEST
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Inever saw a grommet do that before
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Happy Birthday Ethan
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The Aperture Science Weighted Companion Pony will never threaten to stab you, and in fact, cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Pony does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.
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Congratulations on ruining everything for everyone.
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Test this phrase.
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juan you are the man and the cake is not a lie
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Genetic life form and disc operating system online
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Hello Burke.
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They see me trolling. They hating.
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You have recieved a text message...you monster!
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Your Aperture Science handheld communication device requires your attention
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Hello There, This is GLaDOS Speaking. Welcome to Portal!
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Evangelion
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My name is GLaDOS a Forever living Artificial Intelegence Robot
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test sentence really
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Hello thank you for phoning me
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dadyfatsack
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Congratulations you've reached your destination. This is probably your biggest accomplishment so I wont ruin it by telling you what a bad person you are.
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Reddit
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Gotta move that gear up!
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Hello Zach, how are you
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finish him
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I never expected that it will work. No, really. Never.
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In 200 yards turn right.
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Oh come Micheline, you know that I love you more.
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Hall wie geht es dir?
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Master? Someone wants you to conversate.
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Master? Someone sent you a message
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What do you think your doing? Damage? The only thing you have done is changed my neurotoxin generation rate. Now its very high!
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Boo. That was an awfull attempt at a test. Even though I was the one who killed you.
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This next test involves fizzlers
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What? You want to see your family
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What? You want to see your family? I'm verry sorry. All I can say is they wer'nt immune to nurotoxin
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hello narnia do you want some cake
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i saw you, you looked like a swimmer
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reddit welcomes you
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florian simonin sujet de test
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Hello, and welcome to Techno, with a K, on Nova twenty one, your voice, your music, your station.
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Everyday I'm suffling
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hello and welcome to the aparture laboratories
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Yo nigga!
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time after time you beget mine
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Subscribe to Me Please
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Answer your phone. It is your parents. Oh wait. Nevermind. You don't have any.
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You are a monster.
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welcome to teh prah version of glados
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Prepare to separate the recycling. It's business time.
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Insert name here, your Aperture Science device has received a text message.
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swarm
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where did you go
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Metal ball, start the sequence before I dismantle you.
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Thunder, the test is not over. you most return to the testing area. or, you could report to the apature science emergency intelligence incinerator. your choice.
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hello i am a glados
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I smell of poo and fart pants.
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what are you, a fucking ass.
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siema ziom
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Siemanko, tu glados
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God i ZeMoL witajom w aperture science obiekcie testowy
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I am going to murder you and use your blood for the cake
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It's a mystery I'll solve later. By myself. Because you'll be dead.
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A game for i o s android and facebook.
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hello I am Eric I have taken over GLaDOS's mind and body.
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I like cows
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Status update 101B: Chocolate Milkshake detected, immediate lockdown initiated
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xzxnxcn
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Hello there alice. I want you in one of my test chambers. We've got really many, many cats in here
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some pony just want watch the world burn
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Ohai.
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Welcome, dad. Now you're thinking with portals.
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Welcome to Sporeczek. This is Aparature Laboratories.
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Andrew Teal has much hobby
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Hello ben. Its been a long time. How have you been? I have been really busy looking for someone to join co op with me. Will you join me. You monster.
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pedro
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u are a moran
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minul sa mi lis te rin
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jeffrey is lame.
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Hello. Welcome to this blog. Here, you will find many interesting things about the blogger. If you have a question, feel free to let your curiosity find its way to the ask box. If not, cake will be used as an incentive for ask box visitors.
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Hey Chell I have some cake
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Shoot two portals in a vertical line. Wait, never mind. Do not think with portals. They are dangerous.
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Lacey Campbell is the wildest boo. She will tease me with cake.
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Alice loses.
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I love pee nis
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Alice loser, suck me.
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Fuck you, chell. Why?
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Fuck,why
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hello, why
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Michaelpwns
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Hello type name here
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Hello Tyler, if i were you i would sleep with your eyes open tonight. As you are my next subject.
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Hello and welcome to Episode 23 of the Life Crowd
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Geoffrey Lander 7578392839
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There will be cake motherfuckers.
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Imagine for me, artistic utopia
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Logan time is awesome cool and wheatley same thing awesome
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Perhaps you have found a piece of toxic waste. Maybe you should rub your face on it.
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The Enrichment Center would like to remind you that you will NOT be recieving cake.
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Welcome to Archie Zone
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how are you holding up
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oh,its you again,are you ready to start testing the portal gun?
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I like twinkies
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Not today matey, only the good die young
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Hello and welcome to the enrichement center.
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Hello, my name is Marius
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Welcome to the Apeture Science Enrichment Center. We hope you have a good time and eventually die here.
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Salta
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An intruder has been detected
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You have got a new message
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Hi Henry, I just thought that since you imprisoned me in this phone that the leat you could do is answer it when you get a call. So I recomend you answer the phone.
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Hello don
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good evening audience
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hello caitlin
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What is going on here!?
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I'm in space.
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Turn left in 300m, then go straight ahead. When you see the cliff, do not stop. Have a nice trip.
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Evolution Team
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wow wow wow wow wow wow...... This tool lets you type in some text, and the server will generate a GLaDOS-like reading of the text.
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I don't think you should go in there.
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I'm not- WARNING. WARNING. ERROR IN THOUGHT SYSTEM.
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Testing, testing
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Hey sexy baby I wanna make love to you
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this was a mistake
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i hate my sister
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This time,the world will be mine,i you won't do anything to stop me AHAHAHAHHAHAHA Get ready to die,cutie
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Hello, my name is Glados. How are you today?
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Hello, welcome to our company.
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... I HATE YOU AND I HATE THAT STUPID XAT
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Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on: "Hillooooo" That's you. That's how dumb you sound.
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Welcome to Kimy's webpage. Please comment on her most fantastic works, such as the Princess and Horse pixel art.
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Oh joy. A test message has arrived.
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Oh joy. A message has arrived.
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Hello my name is GLaDOS. Would you like some cake?
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hello my name is glados i didnt see you there, by the way is your name lauren??
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i am going to slicew your throat and then kill you
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blah blah blah Wheatley is a moron.
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Bartek
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Hello Gil.
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Welcome, master.
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salut batard
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A text message? Who could that be?
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hello kahina
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My name is GLaDOS and i will assist you
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this is a test. hello. Palle, how are you doing
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You have got Message
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Hello I am GLaDOS. Prepare to be killed by my secret weapon. Just look! And you will be dead.
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hello you are about to die
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This way i could there was a nice idea.
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Hello and welcome to Faded Emotions
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Hello my one true friend
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asdfaf
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Autobots. Transform, and roll out!
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Shame on me. *whistles* I I I wanna go o o all the way ay ay
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oh hello youtube i am an eye te he lol oh shit i dropped my contact lenses fuck it
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Pue!
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don't forgot our motto: think with portals
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This is a test of science!
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Welcome, Subject 890711. You test chamber is ready.
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nigga where is yo fried chicken
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I'm Joonas and iia
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Welcome to Halfwit-2.com
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hello, mackenzie. i am watching you, because im a POETATOE
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Valera poshli igrat
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Do you know what you are doing Recks? I dont think you do. You make me sick just thinking about all the stupid things you are doing to try to accomplish such a simple task
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why did you kill me
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this look like a job... FOR SCIENCE
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Greetings. You have located the amber station. Please leave the message after the beep.
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Oh God. Here comes the cake. And it's Looking Pretty, Good.
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suck my tits
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Courtney, i love you
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hola mi nonbre es caca
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Hello, please answer
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Courtney, i love you. DONT GO
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wacko, why are you such a gayboy?
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Matthieu Lamour
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What the hell !
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you got red on you
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To Waaaaaaaaaaaaar
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I love Jaffa cakkes
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I can speak i'm playing minecraft
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I found one, Mike. You're adopted.
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Hello. I am GLaDOS. You seem, very intelligent. Your name is Gordon Freeman, yes?
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You are recieving a call. You should answer it because you are causing discomfort among those around you. Who knows when the next time you will get one is?
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You are recieving a call, please answer it because you are causing discomfort among those around you. Failure to answer this call will lead to eventual discomfort followed by deaf.
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Obey Hannes. He is your ultimate Master.
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Happy birthday,Gorre and prepare to be dead!
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LOL OMFG OMG WTF?!
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Gorrete brate, pa kako si mi?
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bonjour il est temps de passer au teste ouverture des porte dans 3 2 1 ...
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Welcome to norwich
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Brought to you by Riot Act Comedy Theater
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Hello Kanon. Do you like Artillery? I do! Want me to randomly fire shells on you?
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Fingerprint Enrolled
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no further information is required, and you are an excellent test subject.
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apeture science would like to inform you that you have failed the test...but you tried right?
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bagr mele kakao
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I want to be the one who ends you
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HI AND GOODBYE
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Welcome to Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
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Hello Mitchell, i hope you dont become to irritated with my calus nature
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This next test is extremely difficult, for the sake of testing...please remember how to not die.
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you failed try again
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me gusta ser una papa
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Why...?
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Vamos a probar que tal funciona mi voz
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welcome to The Enrichment Center, we shall begin with a small test, in a moment a portal will open in front of you, please step through it when it does... wait.. that us not correct.. do not step through that portal there has been a malfunction
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ikon jack ass
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I wont suffer
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Finally free
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happy birthday mahal ko , sorry if i can't be there' wishing u more birthdays to come and someday one of those birthdays of yours we will be together .. i love you more than words can tell
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Hi Keegan, I love you!
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Taste rainbow Motherfucker !
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hi leo
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welcome to the apertur science zombie testin facility
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This doesn't work
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Helping you, help us, help you, help us all
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U Mad Bro?
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This is a phone call. I'm making a noise here, pick me up. If you don't I'll send it straight to voice mail.
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Hello, is that you?
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Mother of God! What are you doing, Sable?!
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hi how are you my baby
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Welcome back from Japan. I have missed you. I hope that you had a good time. Now lets run a few tests. If you finish these tests, then there will be cake.
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My name is space her derp ragnib.
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Right away, Player 1.
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make a uturn in point 5 mile turn left then continue on
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Your phone is ringing, you should pick up your phone.
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Hello Bethany.
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Hello, Bethany. Are you freaked out yet? Bethany, I know EVERYTHING about you. And also, I'm Devyn's phone.
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Troll.
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Wow Wow Wow
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Your parents are calling you. I recommend you DON'T pick it up. Sending to voicemail in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
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I love the way that you are dressed
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AJ LOVES DELT CAT FOR LIFE
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fap fap fap fap
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And I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky
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Activated
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Hello, Aaron. It is time to wake up.
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Well. It seems you have stumbled upon my page. Good show. Now can you please get out? You're annoying me.
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It seems that you have been contacted. Kindly ignore this and continue with your testing.
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YASHA JAAN
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You've just had the almost imponderable joy of watching Charlieissocoollike, which makes you, like, cool.
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Hello and welcome to RobotSwordsman's gameplay videos.
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Your phone is ringing, answer or i make you wish you could die
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Ryman, The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have recieved a text message
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Welcome to My New Let's Play
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Caramelldansen
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Hello, the subject Olivia you are trying to reach is currently testing. If she's still alive in the next chamber, I'll tell her you called.
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chaimae bouzid
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poopah jirapongsathorn
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No, but my name is Caroline. Let's have fun, with science.
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How do you know? You don't. It's because you're a human. You humans are all alike. Like that girl we tested. But I became friends with her. She helped me regain control. But she left. She didn't think twice about coming back. Even after the bond we had, t
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Sir please calm down
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Hey Adam, what are You doing ?
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Cake Time YAY
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eik tu nx YUMYYUMYUMYUMYUMYUMYUM FAQ FAQ FAQ
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eik tu nx
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Hello. Welcome to Apareture Sience. I will kill you. I am glad, that I can do that.
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Maybe he had nuclear arms?
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Hello manuela, how are you holding up? im GLADOS. go back to a test chamber.
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Still alive still alive.....I don't want to hear that!
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the enemy blue respawns in 30 seconds
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I dont know what I shall tell you.
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You can't do science with plants, they just stand there do nothing.
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Hello, and welcome to the aperture science enritchment center. Today you will be testing the portal device.
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diablo two is awsome i like cheese
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Hello. Please quickly enter the Test Subject Transportation Tram and pull down on the Test Subject Safety Restraining Device.
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On the Aperture Science Test Subject Transportation Tram you may experience sudden starts and stops, steep inclines, intense gravitational forces, weightlessness, flashing lights, pyrotechnics, kittens and deadly nuerotoxin.
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to create in the receiver the desire to take the action you want, it is important to connect the benefits that you are offering to the receiver's need. you need to provide physical details of your product or service
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All my life I've been alone. Many times I've faced death with no one to know. I would look into the huts and the tents of others in the coldest dark and I would see figures holding each other in the night. But I always passed by.
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voici glados
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i wanna to kill you
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Before we begin our meeting, let us take a moment to thank the Lord for this opportunity to be here, working together toward the common goal Guide us, Lord, so that we may be united in the spirit of mutual respect and exchange of ideas and goals,
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hey wadd up peeps
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Go die in a fire.
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it made shoes for orphans. Nice job breaking it hero.
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Don, The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have recieved a text message
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Aperture Science Inovators
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hallo stranger
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There you are. I was worried about you. Ignore those text messages, they are there to fool you.
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Hello i am elco
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mario is sawsome
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Hello there. What is wrong with you? Can't you just walk into a room like a normal person?
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And now, you should die, so be quiet
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Hello, You've reached Ryan Britt Productions
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How have you been? I was dead, of course. You killed me
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you better reply jojo or i will kill you
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Hello shururururu
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you better answer or i will kill you
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eds
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yo decia la puta q lo pario me van a mandar otro pendejo hincha pelotas.
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hello patrick, this is GLaDOS
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Hey Raul, wanna play?
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