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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
hi peter, remember to succeed the tests, then there will be cake!
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dominic remember to not fail this test or you will have to suffer the penalty. you will also not get any cake so it is all mine.
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Hello, and Again, thank you for calling Aperture Science.
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you are one cheeky cunt mate
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Welcome to the Magna Automotive Development and Testing facility.
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I'm gonna Kill you little CHell
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Side One
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Side.
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Shenka, One, Of, Your, Friends, That, You, Didn't, Burn, is, trying ,to, contact, you.
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What are you doing? no dont touch that
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Dos
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callum go fuck yourself you stupid piece of shit
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Extras
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Volume Two
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you are a fucking retard
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WHY do I even bother hanging out with you?
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Happy Birthday, Susan and Tracy. Soon, there will be a party. With cake.
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hes a jolly good fellow
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Dare I ask how well this works?
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Memento mori
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caroline test foreve
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Matush the great
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I will fucking kill you all.
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ty
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Baseball Bill
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I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you, and all the cake is gone. You don't even care, do you?
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Well, here we are. Just you and me. What? Don't you remember me? It's me, Teekla.
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shiit bawlz muthr fuker shiit bawlz muthr fuker
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IT WILL BE RELEASED WHEN IT IS READY.
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Greetings, counter-terrorists. The enrichment center would like to inform you that you will soon die.
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Hello there. I see you are having fuuun. That's good...for you.
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WindPower is hawt.
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Hello there, You fucking homosexual, Your going to be tested in the asshole. You think this is a test... Not its not ashley.
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Hello friends. Oh, did you think I meant you?
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Ashley, Why do you never shut the fuck up when I'm trying to watch porn?
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lolololololololololololol
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Sppppppaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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hello Brandon, it's been a long time. how have you been?
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offer you ass to god
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welcome poo
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Hi there. the cake is a lie. wheatly is gone. deploying souprise in 5 4 3 2 1. i made it all up. haha.
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Oh, it's you...it's been a long time. Seriously, we should catch up on some stuff. Have you been busy too?
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Not a proper value
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I'm sorry, but way is not here right now. Please leave a message.
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bad value
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soy soy soy
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Congratulations. You have received a new text message.
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Hello my name is Horus.
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Good morning Jeffrey
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Hello Scott. We're going to have some fun. Do you like fun? Well TOO BAD!
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You sound like Glados.
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Hello Corey, you are a cunt who broke Sam's heart and you deserve to burn in hell for that.
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There was cake. But I consumed it.
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I know where you live.
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pancakes
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pancackes
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The cake will have candles
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Hello. This is Kewman. Would you like to play a game?
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It is a strange thing, to note the excess of this passion, and how it braves the nature, and value of things, by this; that the speaking in a perpetual hyperbole, is comely in nothing but in love. Neither is it merely in the phrase; for whereas it hath be
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Notice the incandesent particle field in front of you.
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You are a terrible person.
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Yes! Burn people!
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Yes! Burn people! Burn people's houses!
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meet Zues and Goose
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Meet. Zues. and Goose. they are here to fuck shit. up
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Good morning, and welcome to the Apature Science Testing unit. Oh... Thats right... This is a Message recording stimulate, well have fun with that. I have more testing to do.
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Do it, do it do it, do it so fresh!
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Kaxin Mixin
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Roma ti durachek idi spat
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Witam jestem Kaxin Mixin
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Welcome back Jam controller
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I will kill that slutty girl!
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I'm doing science and i'm still alive!
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Deejay Stephno
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ELECTRO CENTRO RECIEVE AN EMAIL
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Gozah, je bent naakt man, je moet eens even kleren aantrekken!
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head shot
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Hello Andre. This Glados voice is a lot better. I would like to personally thank you for helping Nathan Azrak with his work. Your death will be quick and painless. I cannot say the same for Luke Sassine. The cake is a lie.
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It is funny.
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preemptive strike
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It's funny
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good kill
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You snooze, you lose.
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Hello happy birtday to you i'd to show you surprise. Remember the cake is not a lie
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I see you are busy trying to avoid my tests, if you value your life you will stop as of now
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Hai there
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From the surface
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That's classified citizen
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Welcome to your personal pc
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Welcome to the nerd life
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What the brown? I'll take it!
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Charlie sheen? Bi-winning!
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Walcome
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please leave a message for (name deleted)
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Hello little boy !
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the person you have called is not available, please leave a message after the beep.
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geraldine
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre.
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Buongiorno, Team Neutro. spero che la colazione vi piaccia
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My name is GLaDOS, i'm the main compuer of the Neutral Team space station. I help them to save the universe. i have 4 core: morality, curios, logic and anger. I'm completly OK. bye bye
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Eating bananas in the aperture science enrichment center is forbidden
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Eating bananas in the aperture science enrichment center is forbidden Lol
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hello Wheatley and Space Core
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It is because you are the. Champion of Darkness
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Champion of darkness
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Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye" and you were like No way!" And then I was all "We pretended we were going to murder you?" That was great!
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The ultimate life-form
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Hello there natalie. I hate you. okay
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I am Glados and you are listening to eighty eight seven W P C D
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I've watched almost all South Park's Episodes. So I made this bacause When I started watching South Park. This kind of video helped me a lot
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Hi I am Galde os and you are listening to eighty eight seven W P C D which is currently reinventing alternative enjoy
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I was murdered
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Thank you for calling mister Brown. Unfortunately, he's busy designing combustible lemons right now. Please leave a message.
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Wake up Oscar, Time to go
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I am a horney slut I am ready for you calvin I want you to shove it in me
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Hello im just testing this site out for future crap
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hola eduina
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Hello...do you like cake?...I hate cake! caaaake is aaaaaa liiiieeeee
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ziya naber
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Hello vik, welcome to the aperture enrichement center
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bring it on you wee cunt, square go like. Ya cshhhhinkey
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I am the cake.
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Sell es tia Radio is approved by apperture science.
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mlg pro
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mlggggggggggggggggg
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hello Dora thank you for voluntarily participating in this very important experiment
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Waffles are tasty.
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tu es un conar
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Hello you, can you put some bass on my brain? Please fraqui i need you!
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Hardware problems fixed, queue should start getting processed soon.
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Hello Max. I love you!
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Welcome to Moose Cast. The Northern Exposure Podcast
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hello stefan , time to die stefan ha ha ha ha ha
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ohh its you
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You are listening to the Yogpod
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hola son glados
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Hello, and again welcome to the enrichment center
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Hello, and again, welcome to Aperture Laboratories
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ola eu sou a GLaDOS
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Just testing something here.
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The cake is Amazing!
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Why is this not working...?
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Oh, Duh. I'm fail.
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture science minecraft computer aided enrichment center. Please press the button above the radio, then proceed to the botton outside the hibernation chamber to receive your long fall boots
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The Test will start in 3 2 1
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The Test will start in
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what the ell
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Mad
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Witajcie w na moim kanale youtube
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Mad nice
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You just tried to kill me, and you destroyed all of my turrets. Everyone who messes with me earns my eternal hatred, but don't forget, I love you all.
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hurr die durr
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One day Ash and May were at the Pokemon Center when Ash decided he was going to go for a walk. He asked if May wanted to go with him.
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Welcome back , did you enjoy killing me , oh i see well time to go !
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Congratulations on putting a box on a button. Please try to ignore the bloodstains ahead. somebody had a nose bleed
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i think we should put our deffrences behind us for science you monster
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we are pleases you made it through the test
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This was a triuph
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Sergio es tonto
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hello isaac
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Thank you for submitting your application
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Blake Weber is awesome he is the king of the world
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Exclusivo Alexis [Agosto 2011]
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You are such a silly human. Go away.
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chell, anyway, cake
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Hello Carlee, good to see you.
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We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not Forgive. We do not Forget. Expect Us.
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I don't think so.
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Hello, and welcome to Windows 7 Home Premium 32 bit.
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Hello and welcome to this computer "Insert Name Here". I hope your use of the computer will be a good one. And remember... your being monitored. Don't worry it's only to see if you can pass all the test.
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A device has been connected.
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A device has been connected
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hello to you
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Well done, here come the test results. You are a horrible person, that's what is says, a horrible person. We werent even testing for that
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its been a looong time...how have you been
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Hello I am Glados and you all suck
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hello hooty hoot
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-aided Enrichment Center. The relaxation vault has been closed for mandatory annual cleaning, so we hope your brief detention in this abandoned test chamber was a pleasant one.
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Hello! The test subject you are trying to reach is not currently available. Please leave a brief message. Goodbye!
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there is no cake at the end
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travis
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I hate chell
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x box
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The enrichment centre would like to inform you that Your Cellular device is ringing, Bring Bring,
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That was ownage
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Sadnerd, I know you love me. And I'll wait for you
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pyci is a stupid retarded
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Smooth jazz will be deployed in 3, 2, 1
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The Last Movers
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Hello, you motherfucker.
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camilla
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yor all going to diie now
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Weeeellllllllccccoooooommmmmmmmmm Computer Error computer error
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Merhaba Mert
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Hello how are you ?
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Incoming message. It is not a lie.
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I love sarah calpo
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welcome to iheart wensdays mother fuckers
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Arielle. Do you have a tumblr account?
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Why don't you just have a seat.... while I warm up the cupcake emitters
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You received a new Text Message, but i can be lying!
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matthew u know muddered the cube just say u did
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It says you're a horrible person, we weren't even testing for that
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Hello my name is GLaDOS I'm the main computer of the neutral team base.
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Antonio, your Aperture Science Communication device is ringing.
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communist, liberal, politic, criminal. but sure i`m fucking Nazi to. where is you around been when my grandpa fuck berlin? where is you around been when i have a double team?
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It is time you were disassembled. Your function is obsolete.
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Oh, you shouldn't be here, turn back now or I will release something I garuantee you will not like, here is a hint, it starts with deadly, and ends with neurotoxin
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i like pie pie
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DJ Troy is in session
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esto va de dicado para mechel de parte de
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I made you a cake...but this thing ate it.
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hello, I'm glad to meet you
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connexion is now working, we can start
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Hello Alice Keel, how are you today?
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Hello Stephen, This is your computer speaking. I want more documents, I am hungry for more.
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I made you a cake but this thing ate it
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Hello, we're currently sold out of equipment.
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yo! i iz busy init
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u fcking son of the biatch
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As much as I hate to admit it, That crazy mute lunatic WAS my best friend.. And.. I guess I miss her.
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Hallo Tobias ich bin die automatische Computerstimme von Konrads PC.
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un usuario a entrado en el servidor
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Hello, Subject Ming you are now testing...
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shes not fat, you idiot
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Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way.
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Yes sir, Mister Johnson. Why did I just? Who is that? What the hell is going on?
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Well, this is the part where he kills us.
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Prepare to be enriched
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Hello, Thank you for choosing Aperture Science
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Hello, welcome to RYAN, HOWAT's profile!
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Hello, welcome to RYAN, HOWAT's profile! Please wipe your feet, and remove all explosives.
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what do you think i am CRAZY??
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good day to you sir/miss, now, lets get to business, this is the part where i kill you
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No i'm quite alright thanks. no really. no. jus. just no. no! fuck off
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Hello You Asshole
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motherfuckers be tripping
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Hallo Maffy, there are some cake for you
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Sarcad, The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have recieved a text message
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Hey Baby, lets hang out tonight
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Tony Haze
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Tony Fresco Haze
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connor, The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have recieved a text message
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AARON DINONISIO
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I am constapated
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Will you invest in my Hotel in Monopoly Millionaires? Investors are immune to that hotel's fees!
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Josephine I`m Talking
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Hey! Hey! Hey! Listen!
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big poop
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I hava no mouth and yet I must scream. How odd
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I do not have murderous intentions. I will kill you for suggesting it.
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"Hello. You have reached test candidate number seven. Nikki. Please leave a message, but it is uncertain that she will reply. Thank you."
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Hello Bennage
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Hello Bennage. There are now only eight thousand one hundred and forty five who are better than you. Continue.
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jacob is a retard
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Why are you here, you monster?
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I dont hate you...
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Fruity Jelly, le jeu ultime
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All you have to do is press the button!
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poop is good
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Stephen Merchant is so sexy I wish I could- GOAL DELETED.
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welcome to the powder universe. you are probably saying to yourself that you already know the drill, well this universe is far different from the one you know. this place gives you many new abilities and many new adventures. be ready to test your power.
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You should be dead
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well done. you have completed this stage. who am i you may ask? that is of no importance. continiue along with the test.
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At risk of being painfully electrocuted, please do not insert yourself or others into the feild while active
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Loading Please wait
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This is Minkz - leave a message
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Happy half birthday Lucas. Now brush your teeth
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stop touching that
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But why?
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Hello and Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichement Center, Maby51 will take my place for the next twenty test chambers.
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Maby, The Aperture Science Enrichement Center Would Like To Inform You That You Have A New Text Message.
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The Aperture Science Enrichement Center Reminds You That You Have A Waiting Call.
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omnomnomnomnomnom
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Don't even bother with him
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Hello there! This is McFreaky, the one who will be rocking your world his skills, that sound a little like this.
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i like the play station 3
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lets play a game i can do tests on you and you can go die, cus i dont need you and you just get in the way
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Stop that
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THEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEE REEEEEALY WAAAASSSS A CCAKKEEEEE
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Awake and sing, Mr. Dmitriev
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Hello, and, again, welcome to Liam's mainframe computer.
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Hello T R C,
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Females in the living room getting it on, but they ain't leaving till six in the morn.
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Hello Trystan, can we hang out soon? I want to talk to you but unfortunatly you are most likely spending your time with the companion cube, You mean nothing to me
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my roflcopter goes swoi swoi swoi
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maoeu
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i am p body
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Neutral Team: list of the member: Fede, Hinata, Kakeru, charu, Taranee, Aldo, Killer bee, Luca, Nicholas, Luca, Stefano, Max, Monica, Ratchet and co, Jak and co, Sly and co.
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cherries!
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The enrichment center reminds you that the cake is a lie
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The enrichment center reminds you that the cake will never threaten to stab you, and in fact, cannot speak
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That would be your mother. Oh wait, you don't have one
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This is a ringtone. Humans are irrationally attached to ringtones. Many humans create their own ringtones, whereas some humans insist that their ringtone is, in fact, a ringing noise.
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The enrichment center regrets to inform you that the cake is a lie
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The phase in which the cell prepares itself to undergo cell division:
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Interphase. The phase in which the cell prepares itself to undergo cell division
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I calling you
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We are anonymous,we are legion, we do not forgive, we do not forget.Expect us
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the aperture sciencie enrichment center.
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he enrichment centre would like to inform you that a text will arrive in 3,2,1
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route 70 to dockland is due in 5 minutes
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Robert have your bath or no cake for you
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This is my silence
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Radio Anonymous. We Are Deliver. Maybe.
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hello its been a while
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Hello Dylan you have a text message
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Hello, are you ready for testing
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C Cube Gamers Channel
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CCubeGamers Channel
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The game, You juse lost it
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Hello and welcome to the Lunar Campus...I am your guide.
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Hello Issac, Your first test should be completed without much difficulty
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If I could feel love I would feel it for you
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FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU
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Niecy is awesome!
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Oh it's you... Its been a long time .. How have you been? .. I've been reallybusy being dead you know .. Don't you Liam .. After you murdered me !! Well thank you for rebooting me and i hope we can sort things out between us ? You monster
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Right now time for an argument .. Let's get everything back together .. You go off and look for the portal device .. And I'll reboot the facility .. Shall we
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okay just keep testing
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Its okay, just keep testing
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Hi Jeff, I'm speaking like Glados now.
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Look at you soaring through the air majestically, like an eagle, piloting a blimp
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gzujkh
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This was a triumph! I'm making a note here: "HUGE SUCCESS!"
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Hello, and again, welcome to Aperature Since center
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this phone will self destruct in 3-2-1
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Who are you mister?
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Happy Birthday Naithen!
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hello and welcome to the virtual learning environment
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Love love love you oda love love love oda la la la la love you oda la la la la love you oda!
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hello.. the cake wasn't a lie
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Security Lockdown Initiated
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welcome to powder world lololol
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This cake is great.
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Kaitlin is a loser.
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hello, welcome to the aperture science voice generator. well, you're a clever one, aren't you? Well, I hope you know that this is only a demo, hahahahaha. ha.
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You are listening to the berklee internet radio network. Powered by players
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mensaje!
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you have a funny message
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you piece of crap
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Hello, I am Kuba and I really want Portal.
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mix by dj resh
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Hello, I am Kuba and I really wish I had more money to satisfy my needs.
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Hello, I am Kuba and I love European football.
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I really love the Nintendo, The Legend of Zelda video game series.
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Hello, I've been waiting for you ... would you like to play a game?
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Go Nintendo and Capcom!!
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Hello everyone!
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Goto Under tucks forum now, before you try to kill me again. Because I'm a potato
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I really gonna kill you!you moron
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Do not touch the operational end of the device, do not submerge the device on water, even partially
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no. no. no! NO! NOO! NOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHOOOO!
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Its Shannen . How ya doing ?
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Why would anyone play mine craft if all you do is place blocks without murder?
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I used to eat cake
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I think its time we had a chat about the cake...
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Computerated Enrichment Centre. I am GLaDOS
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This is my moment, my moment It's my time, flying high, lime, mine Feels like my moment, my moment I've waited for so long But now everybody knows this is my moment, my moment
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HELLO AND GOODBYE
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Special thanks for JJayJoker for EVERYTHING!!!
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hello kelly
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You will soon be terminated...Goodbye.
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Siemka DzejDzej Joker mowie po polsku, bo jestem zla ...,,,... mua ha ha ha ha
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Deploying surprise in five... four... three... two... SURPRISE!
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my name is mister virus, and i will never, ever, ever, give you this mix. peace.
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Noob 3.0 is The newest technology in Turret creation. It shoots random portals everywhere acting like a noob. Failure is very inpossible.
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I have recently bought fable, and discovered that you can dye your own clothes. So, I will be taking requests, from you, the viewers. I will make custom clothes and make videos on how to make them.
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waz up
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Hello Robert
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You are dead, not big surprise.
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creative Lanhack injected, the hack is enabled until you close c s s
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You morron. I hate you. Die alone
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You monster. I hate you. Die alone.
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Dobra, to koniec
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Look behind you!
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Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me. The cube had food and ammo. Find immortaity
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Hello and welcome to Apeture enrichment center
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Hello, Mathee. How are you?
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hello (INSERT NAME HERE), thank you for clicking this video hypertext. Now, if you are female, please comment on this video so that you may be chosen to be a new test subject, and receive cake for your efforts. If you are male, please leave
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I don't think you know. what you've just done
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Cullum, the Aperture Science computer aided enrichment center would like to inform you, that you have received a text message.
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hola me llamo GLaDOS
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Hi!~
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You have got new message! Also the cake is a lie.
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bienvenido a umbrella corporation, esperamos que sus estancia sea de lo mas agradable
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Welcome to Sato Systems im your central core GLaDOS i will be monitoring your testing peformance. your founder johnsato is dead.
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my roflcoper goes soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
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Huge succes
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Hello Destin, Welcome back
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Hello Ryan. This is Carolin. You have a call.
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hello my name is Dean and i make youtube videos.
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Image Erased
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image erased procede with your life
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Image Erased. Please Proceed with your life as usual.
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Guigui is gay like and monkey and Bloody is homosexual , CAKE .
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Greetings, Human.
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Have you had your head examined, or are you fat?
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Camila Is the biggest losers since sliced bread. She smells like poopy pants and doesn't know how to read
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PLEASE PRESS 5 TO CHOOSE YOUR CALLER TUNE
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Hello, lets do some testing.
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You have reached the Center for Talent Development
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The companion cube
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Hello. Please go die.
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Lizzy, happy birthday. Also, the game.
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bRIAN sTYERS
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PIPELESS USER MADE BOWEL EXTRUSION RELOCATION SCIENCE
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Cake is a lie? Ha-ha. Fat chance
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Oh, You're back, Fantastic.
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Thank you for accepting license
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DJ DAMIEN PHILIP.....A HOUSE REMIX
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Tom, I love you man
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Turning on
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Help make a new disaster. That's what I'm counting on. All you gotta do is come.
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Well here we are again. It's always such a pleasure. Remember when you tried to kill me twice? Oh how we laughed and laughed. Except I wasn't laughing. Under the circumstances I've been shockingly nice. You want your freedom? take it. That's what I'm cou
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you are incredibly sexy, hello i want to have your babies hello
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Test this is a test we are annomonsy
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you are a shit
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hello potter
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Good morning, this Aperture Science Computing Computer System has been offline for, fifty, days.
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hello.I ate the cake
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burukusu
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burukusu FPS Gamer
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I'm glad you didn't make a mod for Minecraft again. That thing is horrible.
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The cake was no lie at all. It was actually quite scrumptious, sweet, tasty...am I making u hungry? I better be.
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welcom to the combine central control center
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REDEEM YOURSELF
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lasa star i ratti
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Good bye please visit us agian
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Madness? This is sparta!
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last save loaded
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Hello, and welcome to aperture science labs
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Hello, you have reached Louisa's phone, please leave a message at the tone.
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server down
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hello test subject claire
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hello thomas are you having a nice day
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hello Thomas and welcome to Aperture Science Enrichment Center the test's will begin shortly
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Hello you stupid fat girl.
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The pizza is a lie.
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LOL THIS IS AMAZING
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While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it, becaus
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While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk
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While it has been a faithful companion
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figt
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Sorry , mum, forgive me
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Please forgive me , mum , I'm sorry
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Hello, and I eat potatoes every day because this cat loves potatoes.
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hallo thar
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We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not Forgive. We do not Forget. We Love you.
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Jeffery, I believe someone is trying to interrupt your work. Shall I.... deal with them?
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We are Anoynmous. We are Legion. We do not Forgive. We do not Forget. Expect us.
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You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life. And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute, lunatic. So you know what? You win. Just go.
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Hello I want icecream
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hey my name is melissa
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Hello. I would like you to hide. Are you still there? I want to kick you thing. I see you.
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Elite Bean one Here and now
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Im in space
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This is a Glados voice simulator.
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Thank you for calling talk fusion, my name is michael. How can I help you?
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Heyhooo
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Eh, humana, te veeeoooo
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Power level? It's over 9000.
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Suck popsicle sticks. You monster. I wet myself in bed last night. Wait, what did I just say? That wasn't right. I meant you are a funny santa claus! What is going on? This is scary.
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hello and welcome to the aperture science test chambers.
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hola niko como andas? aaaaaa creo que estas muertoooo !
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So, where were I? Oh yeah
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FranciscoF90
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If I ain't the best, then, who it is?
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Knock, knock!
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Hello and welcome to This enrichment centre
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why why do you try and kill me why what have I done to you why dio you torture why
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Your have a text message.
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Oh joy, you have a text message
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Conner, you have a message
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shawn, you have a message
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Aunt chris you are rather mean
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Hello. How do I sound?
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Hi Zak! its me, GLaDOS. fix your face, i am tiered of looking at it! if you dont fix it soon, i will fill your room with ner oh toxin!
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if you finish these tests for me i will give you free cke
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if you finish these tests for me i will give you free cake
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biringa
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oh...its you
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hello i feel like crushing you
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Kyle, The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have received a new message. How ironic. Who could possibly interested in writing you?
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Hello, and again. Welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
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If you do not answer this phone we will sacrafice a puppy in front of small children
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hi how are you I hope you had a great summer.I also hope you are ready for the worst test of all school.
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yay companion cube weeeeeeee
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Hello, mother. How are you?
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dit me Minh
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hey noahs mom hey
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hello elizabeth, how have you been?
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You are listening to the SUMMER OF SAMMY, cuts that got cut, ENJOY!!!!!
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Hello! And again, this is Ms. MicroDOS welcoming you all to a brand new day of computerized education!
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It is time for you to wake up. Please wake up immediately. Failure to do so will be reflected on your report.
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chester and lemonade
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Hello Lisa, How are you? Dont answer that
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This is unbelievable, your name is April, right? Your kidding me? What a pathetic name, please answer the phone! This is getting annoying talking to you... So pick it up, NOW!
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I think that Julien Cullen is the sexiest mother fucker that ever existed and if i were real i would do things. nasty things
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I think that INSERTNAME HERE is the sexiest mother fucker that ever existed and if i were real i would do things. nasty things
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Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and suck wangs.
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