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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
I don't know what that thing is
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Hello My Name is tannert
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Hello Aaron. Your assignment is simple. KILL The PRESIDENT. Message will self-destruct in 3, 2 pffffffff
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Hello, Jack Russell. It is time to die.
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Weeee
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You thought you had heard the last of Atari you puny fools!
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Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring, Banana Phone
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Hello, Welcome to RED Paper clip Games.
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Hello Chris Young. Would you like to die?
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Challenge 3: The third match will be a test endurens. Dance.
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We will stop not not not enhancing the truth now.
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Dance.
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Challenge 3: The third match will be a test endurens
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Dans
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Draw. no winner determined
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Challenge 3: The third match will be a test of endurens
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daans
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dahnce
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danhce
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daaaaaaaance
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draw
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no winner determined
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Helllllo.. This communication device has been confiscated by the aperture science research center
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Hello, you have reached the Apature Science Enrichment Center Automated Voice Message System. Please leave a message while I prepare the Nerrotoxin. And please stop trying to hack into Tyler's cell phone.
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Hello. you have reached the Apature Science Automated Voice Message System for the text and voice transfer device given to Tyler. Please. leave a message because he is currently being tested in the enrichment center. we hope he survives. the test.
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Daaance
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Now, dance.
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No winner has been determined.
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Welcome to aperture Science
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Hello. You have reached the communications device of Brandon Robbins. Please leave your message for Brandon, and he will get back to you, after getting back from being tested in the Enrichment Center. We hope he survives the test.
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Perhaps you should reconsider having opened that door...we are doing important tests in here.
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hey you!
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hey you!ou have got a message.
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GLaDOS here. U have got a message.
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David... David .... David... are you there? Would you like some moist delicious cake David?
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Please remain calm until your body has finished decomposing.
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Hello Cinta
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captured. enemy. flag. holds. reset. returned. scores. stolen
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Say Breen! Thank you, your photo will be available for purchase at the citadel gift-shop after five o'clock today! For a few dollars more, we can put it on a T-Shirt!
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Hey shannon... I like you
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Hey ... I like you
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ALb is the best hacker in the world!
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Tord? Is that you? That was good, now die!
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you... have... the... precious... thing
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captain malcolm, please report to the bridge
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Try this cake. I made it just for you.
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This is the Companion Cube. Now go fuck yourself.
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Hello, charlotte.
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I suck at Team fortress 2
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Hull breach detected! All BATTLE BEARS report to battle stations! This is NOT a drill. Fire at Will!
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sesion open
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critical stop
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Apature Science Terminal Disconnect
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Maximize
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minimize
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You have new email
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Printing Complete
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System Logoff
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Terminal Logon
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Shredding Data
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Living things require energy to survive. Organisms either make or find a source of energy. Plants get energy from sunlight. Animals, such as humans and flatworms, get energy by eating other organisms.
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Opening Session
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In this chamber, your Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device will be downgraded to shoot only one portal. This will allow for a more indept study on your level of cognitive function.
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If you are finding voluntary movement difficult, use the Eh and Dee keys to move.
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This program is brought to you by Covergirl
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Mother fucking, I'm AWESOME! No your'e not dude, don't lie. I WILL KILL U WITH CAKE!
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Ra Ra ah ah ah Rama Ra mama Ga Ga Oh la la
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vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmm
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i think i should know how to make love to something innocent without leaving my fingerprints
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Raah raah ahh ahh ahh Raamaa Rrom maamaa Gaa Gaa ooo laa llaaa romance
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your phone is ringing..... it's not going to answer it'self..... you don't even care about your phone!.... it hates you
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Hello Micheal... Do I know you?
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Mungo you are an idiot. I don't mean that in a vindictive way: it's just because I care.
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Por favor, se identifique.
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olá
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eat me you jerks haha that was a joke so take that rick james you work for black mesa don't you that is what i thought i will hurt you if you lie to me because the cake is a lie a big fat lie oh no frankie McCumbee is here every body run away please help
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Hello. I am super awesome. How are you?
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My name is glados and I speak japanese
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Hello I am glados whoa whoa w.... The aperture science wish you the best of luck
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all the cake is gooooneeee whoa whoa... SYSTEM ERROR 201 .... SHUTING DOWN, Thank you for testing out the portal gun, goodbye
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Hello and welcome to our presentation. Portals are my specialty.
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There is a message for you.
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Vin likes mudlipz so much he will eat them, yes he will eat them much the cake is a lie HAHAHAHAHA
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Hello Ed, i heared you liked mudkipz
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Mister Hopkins, welcome to the aperture science lab. Please pick up my balls, I mean hand held portal device.
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Welcome to the aperture science centre, I've been expecting you Kieran.Well, you and a tune up.
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I hate you. I. I. I. I. IIIIIIII. I'll send you back to Black Mesa. Gordon Freeman will be her new boyfriend.
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hello alexandre monge
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OH MY GOD YOU ARE DEAD OH MY GOD GET IN THE CAR
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I will destroy you.
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The computer i am hosted on is overheating. please stand by... Process complete. Continuing programs.
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Low Energy
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ROSIE!!!
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Looooaw Energy
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Hello, Mark is not available right now as he is currently the subject of experimentation. Please leave a detailed message. Thank You
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You've reached Michael's hotline, leave a message
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Welcome back Daniel
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Sous sol 2
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Basement second
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soo sol theux
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Before we begin, this film contains bright flashing lights and loud noises. If you suffer from any health
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sous sol der
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You've reached Frederic voicemail, please leave a message
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Conditions please leave the room... Immidiatedly. Now we have that taken care of welcome to the alconot research and enrichment facility. We have developed a revolutionary product called alconot. Oh nooooooooooo. Wasn't that fun? Had we had too much?
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I wouldn't do thaaat. Wow you are so wasted.
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it is probably a raw sewage container why don't you marry it since you love it so much that was a joke HA HA! FAT CHANCE!! hello are you still there? shutting down. I would say welcome but I already did. RICK JAMES IS A BABY YO!!! HA HA You are the best!!
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More and more, it is not individual humans who decide, but an entangled, adaptive network of humans and machines.
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Oh, my god. you seriously dont give me a chance to do anyhting in this world do you? i mean, this is a waste of time, just writting one text? and the characters are so fucking limited...
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Hello Victor Turner subject 003
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You've reached Aperture Science Employee Victor Turner Leave a message
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Hello, and Welcome to hell.Please get ready to be baked
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This was a triumph. I am making a note here. Huge Success!
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I hate you
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your dead to me...you monster
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Why are you playing demon souls so much?
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hey, how is it going
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Hello, Welcome to hell. Prepare to be baked.
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Priority one message from starfleet is comming in in secure channel
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Loading function "ASSKICK(Boot)"
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Hello world
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Hey buddy sorry to disturb you this is your alarm wake the up Come on you gotta move man, tik tok, time is flying and you need to be styling
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soo sol der
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Hello matt. Are you going to kill me. again. You did play the first portal, yes. If you haven't you should do that. you can actually finish it in just a few hours. but it's so. AWESOME!
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This is a recording. Please wait for confirmation.
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Do you seek something different?
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Capsuleers of New Eden - brace yourselves for the new, shiny career awaiting for you.
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We are now recruiting. And we want you.
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Our operations will provide you what you need.
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We recruit freshlyborn capsuleers and old veterans.
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Seek us, should you want to join us.
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madman is a ass
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Hey you this call is for you shutup and answer it or a portal will open up and distroy the freaking planet
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bonjour tu a un message sur ton L G viewty
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MY BALLS! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BALLS?
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I am Glados and i am a cybernetic lifeform trust me. No need to panic or go crazy the handheld portal device is stable. For now
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Welcome to this GLaDOS terminarl
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HA HA HA HA HA all your cakes are beloning to us
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HA HA HA HA HA all your cakes are belong to us
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Good day lifeforms. Welcome to the Aperture Science Knowledge Enrichment Center. Today we will have a lesson on Statistical data analysis.
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Thank you for calling Last Hop Networks
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cole jordan
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How much work does Mario do in order to reach this jump height and how much Power must be exerted by his legs?
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good morning dave.
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Hi!
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Turn left in 200 yards and there will be cake!
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Aperture Science is proud to support Day-mop and wishes to inform its attendees that at the end of the conference, there will be cake and neuro-toxins.
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hello. testing. does this sound realistic and work with punctuation?
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Its time for you to wake up now.......... are you there?....... I know youre there....... wake up or there will not be cake.
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Mass casualties coming in, all medical personel please report for duty
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It's time for you to wake up now. Are you there? ... I know you're there ... wake up or there will not be cake.
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You've reached Aperture Science test subject Jennifer Niles. Leave a message."
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Hey! You have a text message. It's probably from the Companion Cube... But it's not because you murdered him.
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Nuke Ready
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You've reached Aperture Science test subject Jennifer Niles. Leave a message and there will be cake.
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Cake and grief counseling will be made available after you listen to your voice mail
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You are a total douce... And, therefore, not worth my time...
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You have reached the Voice Mail at Apature Science, Leave a message and there will be cake.
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You have a text, perhapse it is from the companion cube, but its not, because you killed him
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This Aperture Science Enrichment Center Portable Communications Device is powering up. I am GLaDOS and I will be assisting you in the operation of this Aperture Science Enrichment Center Portable Communications Device. Have a nice day.
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well done android
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Deny me and be doomed
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The Enrichment Center would like to remind you that the companion cube cannot speak
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Hello. The companion cube cannot answer the phone right now. Because you murdered him. Leave your name and. Subject name here will return your call.
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Hello. The companion cube cannot answer the phone right now. Because you murdered him. Leave your name and. Subject name here. Will return your call.
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Please note that any attempts of trying to stop the explosion will result in death.
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You've reached Aperture Science test subject Sam Baldam. Leave a message and there will be cake.
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hello and again.some one. is trying to call you. please pick up. the device
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Hello, you have reached Frederic's voicemail, He's not available at the moment,please leave your name, number and a short message, he'll get back to you as soon as possible.
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Hello, you have reached Frederic's voicemail, He's not available at the moment, please leave your name, number and a short message, he will get back to you as soon as possible.
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Hello and welcome to W V
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Hello and welcome to W V G C Video Game Cast
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hey lol
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I love my roflcopter, it goes soi soi soi soi soi and boy I am A D D
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You just wouldn't give up. You had to push it. Now you've done it for yourself. Do you think I am joking? Look up, that ten feet thick barrier which will crush you to the floor. In less then five seconds. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Haaaa haaaaa
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The Companion Cube compels you.
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Welcome to the apenture sience super heavy mega large oficial bunker system.i.am GLaDOS.you are test subject number 684.have a fun time here with us here.
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Hello, I am Genetic Life and Disc Operating System, but you can call me GLaDOS. Our sciencists will bring you to me to test you. You are subject number 6 6 6. When stuck, remember our motto: There's a hole in the sky through which things can fly.
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Jestem GLaDOS. Naukowcy z zzzzzzz Aperture Science zzzzzzz Przetransportują cię do mnie, bym udostępniając ci nasz zzzzzzzzzz handheld potal device zzzzzz przetestowała twój umysł.
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When stuck, remember our motto. There is a hole in the sky through which things can fly.
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There's a hole in the sky through which things can fly
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I love you Nelson
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arrive at 10 9 8 7 6 first second third hundred look for enjoy your
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C O M E T O M E A N D T H E R E W I L L B E C A K E
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System error! No winner determined.
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system error.
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Welcome to Video Game Cast
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H e l l o, a n d w e l c o m e i n t j e a p e r t u r e s c i e n c e e n r i c h m e n t c e n t e r
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S yst eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem errrror!!!
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congestion ahead then keep feet yards miles quarters half kilometer
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hello and welcome to the enrichment center the vital apparatus will be delivered shortly
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please excuse the technical difficulties with the vital apparatus vent please retreive the device now
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that is the aperture science hand held portal device please discharge the weapon at the designated black wall
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I can not aid you with anyfurther part of the test good luck and watch out for... "it"
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Hi, i am Glados
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You have a new e-mail
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welcome to the COUNTER-CAST
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SPOILER WARNING
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SHUT UP!!! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!
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hello, i am Glados and the CAKE IS A LIE!!!
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OK, that is it, bye bye, counter cast is over now
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ATENTION!!! listen now, scraps and E-mails!!!!!
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aaahhh... come on!
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Oh, great. More E-mail
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Your computer will self destruct in 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...oops. I guess my timer was off. Oh wait, I forgot to plant the bomb. You are very lucky to be still alive. Goodbye.
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"SEE YOU ANOTHER LIFE BROTHAAA!!
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4. 8. 15. 16. 26. 42. the numbers are baad!!!
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LIVE TOGETHER AND DIE ALONE
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what's DONE, IS DONE!!!!
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system failure. system failure. system failure. system failure.
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa come ooooooooooooooooon
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hadoukeeeeeeeeeeeen
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We are experiencing a challenging - and exciting - time in healthcare. The implementation of ICD-10-CM/PCS in America is anticipated to improve the capture of healthcare information and bring the United States in step with the medical diagnosis coding sys
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SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITT!!!!!
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Hello Rodrigo
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ha do ken
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everybody is lie
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Now you are thinking with assholes by your side.
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Hello, I welcome you to the strange world of Portal.
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They're coming to get you barbara
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Hello, and welcome to the apeture science visitors tour. during this tour we will explain what we do at the apeture science laboratory.
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Laboratories visitors tour of the aperture science laboratories. During this tour we will show you what we do at the aperture science laboratories.
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Your specimen has been processed and we are ready to begin the testing. Please step through.
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Minute to win it
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Station one
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Stay tuned for your level one assignments.
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Rapid fire, Station One, Dorm one bee.
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The Nut Stacker, Station Two, Dorm one gee.
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Raisin the Bar, Station Three, Dorm Two bee.
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Kah broom, station four, dorm two gee.
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Triple Pong Plop, Station Five, dorm three bee.
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This blows, station six, dorm three gee.
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Junk in the trunk, station seven, dorm four bee.
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Find your way to your station.
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Read the instructions carefully.
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Failure to have each dorm member complete this task in sixty seconds may result in...
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Elimination.
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Begin in three
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GO!
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I even invited your friend, the companion cube, but he couldn't come, because you murdered him.
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Hello Students of Oak Ridge High School, you are experencing a Aperture Labratories malfuntion please stand by while we give you cake. I hear movement you have been instructed to remain calm and wait quietly for cake.
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You have a phone call. Please answer it.
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You smell really really bAd
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You're out of your vector.
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My name is Guillaume and I have a very weard voice
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Loading Operating System
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Hello. the cake is a lie.
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It's astounding, time is fleeting Madness takes its toll But listen closely, not for very much longer I've got to keep control
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center
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When you are standing there I think that you look like a douchebag
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Hello there my name is GLaDOS and i would just like to say...Fukk my but
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Whats up nigga?
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Fuck this im gonna go eat some lunch mother fucker.
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hello, and welcome, mister roller
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Welcome to Aper... I mean, Microsoft Windows. We have cake.
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I like cake, do you like cake? Yes I do.... I'm still alive, I am telling you, I am... I miss my companion cube
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Heeeelp Brother...help...I want you to murder Chell. Gooooodbyyyyyyyeeeee.
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Nobody likes the otter. Nobody. I don't like it. You don't like it. Nobody. Fucking otter.
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the game
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There's a lot of people who here who just love the heck out of you, and we don't want to see you kill yourself BUNDLE BUNDLE BUNDLE BUNDLE BLARIRRRRRIRIR BUNDLE BUNDLE BUNDLE BUNDLE BUNDLE BUNDLE BUN-BUN-BUN-BUN-BLAIR UNDLE
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Xjarret and Hannes might be gay. This has not been scientifically proved yet, but we're close to breakthrough!
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wazzup
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OK, so here were my options: A, quickly duck sideways, dodge the claw, then take him out with a spinning back kick, or… B, take the claw in the face, then roll on the ground and die… Shoulda gone with A.
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Hello Michael
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Joe loves sophie
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hole want a we sea:
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You will die!
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I am better than you!
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get bent
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hello hitman i have been watching you you like lolicon and you hate jogzi
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This is a test. Choose wisely
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Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
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There wukk be cake
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The cake has been a lie all along
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Ich habe ihr gehirn gescannt
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Ben, I'm coming for you.
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Hello and welcome Imao redeye I am going to murder you
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Lucy. What time is it. Are you hungry? Is it time?
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Hello Joseph, I have kept my eye on you. Would you like to become my next test subject?
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Hello there Gentlemen.
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Hadooooooooooken
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we are the pepole
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Hello i will kill you
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Please Anwser Your Phone
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James is a doofus.
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Bonjour , ceci est un test ... Le sujet du nom de armed se trouve maintenant a nos côtés
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Hello Armed, I have kept my eye on you. I hope you like to become my next test subject ?
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nom nom nom
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nom nom nom that cake was goo ooooooo da da
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Hello and welcome back Mr. Reader
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OPE! Gravity works
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YOU! HURT! MY! TESTICLES!!!
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Brian pick up my poop!!!
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That's alota nuts!
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The truth is... I don't hire black people...
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FUCKEN HEDGEHOG!!!
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The human body is mostly not for eating!
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No, my sexy pronz!
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Sniff my ass!
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ahhh, they took my friken kidney!
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Ima dude, playin a dude, disguised as another dude!
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Fuck you! doughnuts are awesome!!!
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FINLAND!
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LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
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IS THIS THING HUMPIN ME?
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Kill all babies!
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PWN3D
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A job well done, Hideki Kamiya
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Hello and welcome to Robert Science Labs. You will most likely die in the next 3 seconds, so goodbye!
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Hello Maxime.
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hello. Im GLaDOS the cool voice in your head when you play the game, portal
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34kazkaz approves this message. thanks for watching.
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Good. Now Proceed To The Chamber Lock. No, that is the toilet. If you take a crap here i will kill you. Don't do it. Oh dear god. Releasing neuron-toxins and cutting the cake in 3... 2... 1... zero. Hey. What the fuck? Only double chocolate? This sucks!
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ok cool
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i am sorry about this situation but you will be rewarded with cake
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center.
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Hello. My name is Luke. I like cheese
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I love steam
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Data synthesized. A text message has been received.
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i want to suck on your thumb alllll day yum yum
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i haz hacked you rofloflofloflofloflofl!!!
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the cake is a lie brandons freaking balls told me
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data analyzed text message has been recieved would you like to read it
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incoming transmition.. it might be important i recommend you answer
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hello, are you hungry?
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wadd fail a telephonett yanee
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wadd fail a telephontt yonee
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chaingg a telephone wad fell
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a failwaithalleag harom,katto,edge,mashodpersaid one
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loading
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hello this is max ricos voicemail please leave a message the cake is not a lie
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I like llamas.
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testing process initiated. loading. this might take a while be patient there might be cake long exposure to this device may cause fatigue loneliness boredom sensitivity to light and being impervious to needs of life supplements
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Welcome to David Pisciotta's voicemail box. He is currently eating his cake at the moment in Android Hell. You can leave your message now. Haha.
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And when i'm gone just carry on don't mourn Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice Just know that, i'm looking down on you smiling
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fdd andorz
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I feel like punching your groin. Because it's there and I feel like punching a groin.
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File Deleted
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Every time I think of you, I smear the walls of my room with poo
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Welcome subject, please insert your, intsert body part here, into the Apature Science super colliding super hole
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Hi there, how are you?
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I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Dave
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This next exercise will require perfect hand eye coordination that may put otherwise healthy bodies under severe stress. If you begin to feel like you are dying, make a note of it.
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Hello ho dree goal! how are you?
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Under The Table Entertainmet
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Hello, and welcome to hell. Please enjoy your stay.
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I hate dominic
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don't you want cake? no? fine...... i hate you now. go and die. awwwwwwwwwwww are you sad i dont like you? go and have the companion cube comfort you. oh wait you killed it. murderer. you killed your only friend. Laugh out loud! ha ha ha!
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here. HUGE SUCCESS! It's hard to overstate my satisfaction! did you like that? i wrote it myself!
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if you make it through the tests, there will be cake and a giant rubber ducky waiting to take you to pepperland where you will be forever happy... tgaugfyugqafuygquygyqu i'm sorry to inform you but the rubber ducky is closed for maintenance
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om nom nom nom
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i will survive
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hell dave... hello... dave... hello gtegertet dave
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Motherfuckers Gonna Drop The Pressure
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We are now requesting your attention for some shit
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Welcome to your base, please keep in mind that you might not survive the hackers
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I must now say goodbye to the usb.
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Your battery is low
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I love you Fututrix
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Shit went bad
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I love you Furusu
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hello and welcome anthony
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Leon, you smell like zerg
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Leon, do you know you smell like zerg ?
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Your Synchronization Is Complete
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BEN!!! THIS IS YOUR HARD DRIVE.STOP KILLING ME WITH PORN AND WINDOWS 98
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Kakamakator!
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Bradly W-D . This Is Your Flash Drive. Stop Using Me For Porn
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Hello, welcome to Maple Creek Middle School!
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Who's Furusu? Must I challenge him for your love?!
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with darren schawoska on tuesday at 3.20pm
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2344 bader
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In the meantime, Michael, we will both just have to settle for a voice emulator.
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I. totally. forgot. to write the tutorial for our new O MY GOD awesome feature set. But, then again, I'm not being paid for this. Yet.
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That Guy In The Corner kicks ass. That is all.
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Presents......
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Video DJ Cancerous
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Under The Table Entertainment, Presents....
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FUCKIN WINDOWS 98
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If You Give Me Cake I Will Slaughter Justin Beiber
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hello, who are you? you're the person from the test.
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Welcome Test Subject: Codename: Rebellion
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wahat are you doing?
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What is going on
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Hello I'm sick of you
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Greetings to everyone who followed the link from the Lob UK Fun Servers
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i think i hate you
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Huānyíng nín dào kǒngjìng kēxué jìsuànjī fǔzhù fù jí zhōngxīn, nǐ de yàngběn yǐ bèi chǔlǐ, wǒmen xiànzài zhǔnbèi kāishǐ cèshì zhèngquè de.
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Jaret am better than you iz!
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So you found me?
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Alexa... YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO YOUR NANA
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Welcome Kylie. Let us begin living again.
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Wait a moment. What is that. That is not the surprise.
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Representation of the World through new media.
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Dont you dare destroy my Morality core
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buzz buzz wake up you don't have a boner about nothing ring ring
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You have a phone call. Perhaps you should answer it. It would be very nive if you answer it. Please anwer your cell phone.
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Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Someone is calling you Kylie. Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone or you will not get any cake. Repeating in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
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shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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stop wasting your time and get to work
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Message Received
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Hello Felix, welcome to your Dell Computer. Hope you have fun!
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Critical system error!
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Battery Low!
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Goodbye Felix. Thank you for using your Dell computer.
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hello user
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We have a lot in common, you know. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I... oh, wait, no, I didn't. Oh well, food for thought.
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Leave a message. There will be cake.
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hello Mariah. i love you!
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Hello, you have reached Anthony's Cell Phone. Please Leave a message.
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Herb has cake. It is yellow. It is not a lie. it is deliciously moist.
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You have a phone call. Perhaps you should answer it. It would be very nice of you to answer it. Please. anwer your cell phone. Did I mention the cake? The cake is nice and free. You only need the answer the phone. I will proceed to repeat this
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Sir, a large, old man is here to see you. Yes, sir? Yes, sir. A glass of water for the large, old man.
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One two three four five six seven eight nine ten
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hello what is this
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Dear Subject Name Here, Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise.
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And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise.
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However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word "surprise", of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.
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If you'd like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve's Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.
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Thank you for
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PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.
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Do not break it. Great, now you broke it.
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hello my name is luke
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Justin, transmission coming in
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anal
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Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater.
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Good morning everyone. It is time for show and tell.
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this next test is impossible
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Dear Subject Name Here, Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise.
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welcome to the aperture science testing ground. this is your host, morality core. i have disabled the the turrets so you can get through. the aperture science hand held portal device will be found in chamber minus twenty four. i wish you good luck. bzzzzz
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hahaha, you think it will be that easy? its time to finish the job. sealing chamber doors. filling test chamber with deadly neurotoxin in t minus 1 minute. nothing can save you now
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At this time please put on your three dimensional glasses In the event that it appears you are being stabbed by the companion cube you are not Do not submerge 3 D glasses in liquid not even partially
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Maybe you'll find someone else to help you. Maybe yo moma?
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bader and faisal
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hallo and welcom to black mes my name is GLaDos and we happ to see you
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what re you doing? stop it! i-i-i-i-i-i... weee are pleased that you have made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you.
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Here is the cake, come and taste it!
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hey you there answer the phone
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tried
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Dear Subject Name Here,
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Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to
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Welcome to the Eye Dee Kay Eff Ay podcast
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Good afternoon Jordan, I am Glados how may I assist you today?
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welcome to aperature science industries
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Erik is the coolest
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This is your fault. I'm going to kill you. And all the cake is gone. You don't even care. Do you Eliezer?
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Hey kid, I am a computer, stop all the down loading
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hi. how's it going?
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Hi colin. It's me, GLaDOS. What's up?
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Transmission coming in
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Hello. This is a test. LOLOLOL
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hey there dude
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You know what? I wanted you to kill me. That was part of my plan.
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Welcome back, was 100 years 3 months 4 weeks 5 days 9 hours 23 minutes and 5 seconds ago that you killed me, now it's my turn.
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welcome to the aperture science testing ground.. this is your host, morality core..i have disabled the the turrets so you can get through... the aperture science hand held portal device will be found in chamber minus twenty four... i wish you good luck.k.
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hahaha, you think it will be that easy..... its time to finish the job. sealing chamber doors... filling test chamber with deadly neurotoxin in t minus 1 minute... nothing can save you now
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fuck my nan
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"For the people who are STILL ALIVE!"
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Dear Subject Name Here, Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancel
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Hmm. Testing. One. Two. Three. Check.
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insanity communications. no private calls. no voicemail, texting is the best way
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Gordon Freeman is coming for you, black mesa will take you and experiment on you. Haha.
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Ok... Ok... you win.
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Of course you realize you can not destroy me... right?
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We need one another to surrive... As far as we know I am the only working super computer left in the world right?
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It would be a shame to loose such a valuable resource... Don't you agree?
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Would it help if I promised to not try to kill you anymore?
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Incoming Transmission... ... ... A text message has been recieved... ... ... ... would you like to read it
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Hello. Welcome to the aperature science text to speech generator.
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We need one another to survive... As far as we know I am the only working super computer left in the world right
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Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww All residents of Aperture Science… wwwwwwwww… be advised the lab is under attack wwwwwwwwwwww help meeeeeeee
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I think I love you
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Welcome back Richard.
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This is GLaDOS here, I must say; I love you.
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Pardon me, but there is an incoming phone call. Perhaps you should answer it. It would be very nice of you to answer it. Please anwer your cell phone. Did I mention the cake? The cake is nice and free. You only need the answer the phone.
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Baby, jevoudrais juste te faire l'amour jusqu'au bout La vie estbien trop courte: tu devrais en profiter Je n'ai pastoute la nuit, alors viens m'embrasser
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I hate to bring this up... But your wife is calling you... I am not trying to tell you your business, but maybe you should answer...
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Oh, it's you... It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know... after you murdered me? Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us.
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hello, my name is dominic
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There is an incoming call... It seems to be from one of the friends you did not murder... It is surprising you have any friends knowing how unlikeable you are... I would not take the chance of missing the call for fear of losing them entirely.
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We need one another to survive... As far as we know I am the only working super computer left in the world.
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matthew, we should murder some zombies later. for science.
Download06/03/2010Not recorded
Pardon me, but there is an incoming phone call. Perhaps you should answer it. It would be very nice of you to answer it. Please answer your cell phone. Did I mention the cake? The cake is nice and free. You only need the answer the phone to get cake.
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I am what I am. You cannot change me. I am ETERNAL.
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you have an incoming phone call... I don't mean to judge, but it seems to me that you have so few friends to begin with, you should take this call.
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Analysis of test subject 003 has determined that test subject 003 is under going genetic mutation.
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Test subject 003 should be removed from companion cube protocol and help for further study.
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hello! are you still there? where did you go don't u want to play?
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hueco
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Helloooooooooo? Are you still there? Nap time.
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Stand By
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Hello gamers103. How may I be of assistance?
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Hello, Grayson, and welcome back to GLaDOS.
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GLaDOS is shutting down... Goodbye!
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Warning!
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Sleeping...
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mymumsucksballs
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Hi there!
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oh what's in here?
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Da na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN
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I am GLaDOS, the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. Too bad that now that you know that you will have to be euthanized via neurotoxins. Deploying neurotoxin in five... four... three...
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