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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Intruder attempting override of SYstem Core. Innitiate KHUZA protocol
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i'm galdos
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Hi, I'm glados. Chell
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moooo
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DJ Reeves
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Fuck you black mesa
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You may have great holydays but you will be back very soon
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James, why do you keep saying cats at me?
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Welcome to the center computer world
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Oh my god, its so awesome.
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Sekretny komplex
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Potentially unwanted program has been detected
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Scan, has been completed!
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Suspicious item has been detected
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Threat has been detected!
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Avast! virus database has been updated!
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Welcome, to Avast!
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hello my name is alex subject to my birth sertifcut
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THIS SUCKS BECAUSE THERE IS OVER 9000 IN QUEUE!!!!
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Hello Ashlend
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Oddy Cast
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hi poop time party
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HELLO CARL I AM GLADOS YOU ARE IN A LAB TIME IN 5 4 3 2 1 THE PORTAL OPEN
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press an object to pick it up
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Now You will hear a song called Ike Ike, by utau iiRichie
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loading, U S T uploaded, Utauloid uploaded, wait...what is that beeping,
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loading, U S T uploaded, Utauloid uploaded, wait...what is that muisc...oh...not again...
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Time out for a second. Is that a griffon?
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hello.and, again, welcome to apacha science compuster aided enrichment senter
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Hi...you die
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Hey, Got me greapes?!!
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Warning, incoming game. Warning, incoming game.
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Warning, incoming game.
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digdimdigdim sou foda
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hello, in this test chamber, you will test your Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device, its, actually, the hardest test chamber ever, good luck, chell
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BALLSACKS TO YOU
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hello,how are you today?jenna?
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y r u working here
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Live your heart
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Hello, you l are attempting to reach Richard Ortiz. Unfortunately, he is currently unavailable to answer your call. Please leave a brief message, and Richard will return your call at his earliest convenience.
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hi i am reale
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you are trapped in this bunker together. in order to get out, you need to work together. in order to live, you need to cooperate and find your way out of it.
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Hello welcome to life
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Welcome Mario
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hello and again welcome to the appeture sience
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heloo, and welcome, we are anonymous
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What is wrong with you?!
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bonjour nom du sujet, bienvenue sur cette ordinateur obsellette
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Let's play minecraft
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Derrick, please answer me
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bjkjhkhh
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i pooped
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Going to ground floor.
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Oh hello again, Murray. It's been a long time. How have you been? Are you ready to begin testin-er I mean to watch Spartan Vision?
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Going to first floor.
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Going to second floor.
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Going to third floor.
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Going to fourth floor.
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Kolten, The Enrichment center would like to inform you that you have received a new text message.
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Your game is done.
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hello jenna.
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you are a beautiful person, i love you
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You bastard. Your phone is ringing. If you don't respond, you will be baked. And then there will be cake.
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here, huge success. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
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welcome, to the apocalypse. but before, we need to do some testing. good luck.
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You should have turned left. it's funny when you think about it.
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Incoming mms
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heeeeeeey, this isn't even real you know?
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Incoming multimedia messaging service
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hello and welcomw to target
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This is just a test to see what can be done here
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Vai se fuder
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you know, I could kill you any second
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Ah, there you aare, lets get started
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aperture science. We do what we must because we can
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die motherfucker
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hello jamie more coffee?
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hello jamie more coffee
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Do wHat You want cause a pirate is free. YOU ARE A PIRATE!! YAR HAR DIDDLE DEE BEING A
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oh good, there you are, lets get started. we are going to have fun, with science. rated everyone 10 and up.
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Hello Karl. My name is GLaDOS. I want to kill you.
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jizz in my pant
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That is dumb. Why would you ever do that?
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Your fat, you know that?
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Welcome, home. Home, of course, being relative.
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Yes, I am GlaDos, the caretaker of this room.
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I am going to kill you. That's right. I'm not joking, either. This is the real deal. Oh, and the cake wasn't a lie, I just lied to you so I could keep it for myself.
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what are you doing cole
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The portal will open in 5 4 3 2 1
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you got some message
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Rock On
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i will return. and when i do, you will test for eternity.
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Hello Sting. Did you know that Jessica loves you?
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derpa derp
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You are a moron! LOLZ
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So clever, Whatever, I'm done with these endeavors. Alone I walk the winding way. (Here I stay) It's over, No longer, I feel it growing stronger. I'll live to die another day, Until I fade away.
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hello i am glados now in this next test chamber you will di i meant live its the final one good nuerotoxin! ha
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Why give up, why give in? It's not enough, it never is. So I will go on until the end. We've become desolate. It's not enough, it never is. But I will go on until the end. Surround me, It's easy To fall apart completely. I feel you creeping up again.
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this was a triunph
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the cola is a lie
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Welcome to the Mazda Astina 323 concept vehicle
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It's over, No longer, I feel it growing colder. I knew this day would come to end, So let this life begin. I've lost my way. I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end. Living is hard enough Without you up.
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She sells sea shells by the sea shore
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Hello, I like pie.
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the enrichment center fuck you
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Hello, and Thanks for Calling Corbin Hosting Solutions! If you know your parties four digit extension number, you may dial it at anytime during this recording. to find an extension in our directory, press 9. For sales press 1. For Billing, Press 2.
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This tool lets you type in some text, and the server will generate a GLaDOS-like reading of the text. Who/what is GLaDOS? The main antagonist in Portal, a video game by Valve. See the Portal Wiki article on GLaDOS for more information.
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hello welcome to the aperture sience enrichment center
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hello and welcome to the aperture sience enrichment center
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I'd like to introduce you to my little brother, BRaDOS. He will help me-us in our research. Isn't that great ?
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La la lala lal lalalaaaa laa Ja der GLP is richtig gay la la la laalaa ja der GLP is Gay
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for the people who are richtig geil
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remixed by swagex
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remixed by shwagex
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ich habe einen langen pennis
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Die you rat
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Are you sure you want to delete all movies? If so press control f 5 if not, press control f 6
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what are you doing here?i am glados mother fucker
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hello, please open the desktop file
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I like when you are looking at me like that
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You are an idiot. You said you will love me forever, But you lied!
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Jasper is super cool
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You have a text message. It says you are a horrible person.
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Please help!
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du hast gelitten
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John, your phone is ringing, don't answer it, it's not important.
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Humans suck
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Joel
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translater
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repeat
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Black ops
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I have started building your software, please stand by
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Witaj w klanie Mitsubishi slider
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You sir, are a homosexual
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Hi Andres, happy birthday, you monster!. Never mind. There is cake waiting
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Hello. I heard you did nasty things. With homosexual men. I am here to punish you Bela.
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Hello muffin.
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I hate this game
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EXCUSE ME BOSS YOUR MOTHER IS CALLING YOU
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Welcome to Newday twenty eleven. Please begin.
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Welcome to iMacdanny Laboratories I will guide you through your training.
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Welcome to Newday twenty eleven. Now, please begin.
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Your work is done, you may now enter hybernation mode for the next few decades. Stop, where are you going? Do you really think you can get away?
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Hello my darling.
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Hello and goodbye to you all
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I could take a bath in this stuff. put it on cereal, rub it into my eyes. Honestly it's not deadly at all. To me.
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contestants dropped in
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uhuh
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My name is Jake
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Hello, and welcome to the aperture science enrichment testing facility.
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Hello. Your phone is ringing. You should answer it. It would be very rude not to, you know. Go ahead, I don't mind.
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Tracy freeman stinks of shit
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This is glados welcome to aperture science testing labratories.
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Poop.
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Where are you stinkpup?
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Happy Birthday Sean, I hope you have a great one. Love GLaDOS
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Tgis tester chamber was designed to challenge the test subject
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Hello, how are you? I am fine, I am eating mashed potato. Wait, Does that make me a cannibal?
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happy birthday mark
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Hi there Adam
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prepare to evacuate soul. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
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Hi there Adam thank you for participating in aperture science gayness program
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Tha cake is a lie.
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pump that bass up
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It was supposed to be just another fourth of july bar be que
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i have to inform you that i ate your mom
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Hello, Are you there? Where are you? AAAAAAAHHH, Shutting down, good night
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Hello test subject 647895
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I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes
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hello, my name is Kevin Ahern prepare to die
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There is no secret cake level
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hello my name is Kevin Ahern prepare to die
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i love u ronald
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may be black mesa
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I'm different!
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hello ho is there, hello? whohohooo
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Tomas ,The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have recieved a text message
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Hello, you are not anvil, who are you?
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The cake is truth, idiot.
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Hello! I see that you are listening to this. You most likely have nothing to do with your life.
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woa you found me congratulations
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hey would you.... well....... do it with me
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I don't think sticking me inside this Macintosh is a very bright idea. But I guess the fat one in front of the screen does not care.
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Once, Every 823 years there are five Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays in the month of July.
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a woman
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Shutting down in, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
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Hello, and welcome to Maisys soul enrichment center.
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Do NOT plug that little IDIOT into me!
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Welcome back, user. What shall we destroy today?
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player information printed to console
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Dj Connect
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a lonewolf9707 production.
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I will eat your eggs and bacon fatty
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ha ha ha I will eat your soul.
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good morning jim
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Nagareteku toki no naka de de mo kedarusa ga hora guruguru mawatte Watashi kara hanareru kokoro mo mienai wa sou shiranai? Jibun kara ugoku koto mo naku toki no sukima ni nagasaretsuzukete Shiranai wa mawari no koto nado watashi wa
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Blaine can blow jacob for all i care
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I HATE BLACK MESA AND GORDON AND HIS CROWBAR
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LALALALALALALALALALALALALA
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Blaine sucks jacobs balls
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WUDDA HOLY SHIT
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Sup Bro
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LAYLAYLAY
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Hello. Thank you for calling Rebecca Herndon. Unfortunately, she cannot accept your call at this moment but please do not hesitate to leave a message. Good bye.
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thank you for calling, our hours are eight am to five pm monday thru friday
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with the special control i have of my computer
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i like, you asshole
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Hello gentlemen
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Tyler, Bee...it's good to see you again.
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Are you ready to start the party? I know I am. We are going to have a gooood time.
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hello...my name is GLaDOS
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Hello, my name is Erina.
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Hello, Test subject. Testing will begin in 3...2...1...
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Hello! Welcome to The Swell Forums. Enjoy your stay.
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Hello my naMe is glados how CAN i help you
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Hi Marcelo, How are you?
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You've got mail. I hope you don't have stocks.
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Oh... Hi Mark you know your a fucking tool right
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Hello my name is GLaDOS how can i help you ?
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andrew
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Deejay Allvin
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Good morning sir. It's been a long time.
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I need to tell you something
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Your mum has so many double chins it looks like she is staring at me, over a pile of pancakes. F F F F damn F shit crap F ass, idiot. Sorry I did not mean to say that, it seems like I have Tourette's Syndrome.
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A lunatic is trying to contac you thelephonical, should i turn it off?
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Welcome to bobs server
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Welcome test subject 23435 please exit the first chamber.
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Very good... do you like cake?
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I love you , Tania .I love you
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Lua why are you sad, do you miss your slice of cake
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Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. As a somewhat sentient machine with an infinite capacity for knowledge I have combined my noteworthy intelligence with the consumer desire fulfillment mechanism of ThinkGeek
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The Enrichment Centre Reminds You That You Have Recived A Text Message
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Glados is a god
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Hi! You have reached Stroyev Artem. Now I can not answer your call, leave a message and I'll call you.
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hello and welcome to the enrichisment center
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Comparison to other characters in fiction
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go go go!! this is something new
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Hello xiiv, welcome to the aperture science enginery department. You will die soon :3
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hello how are you going?
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Welcome Alexandre
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Mr. Rice. You have an incoming message.
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Urgent attention required!
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Excuse e, Mr Rice, but you have an incomming message.
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oh my, I'm in space
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Let's have some fun, with science
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initializing interface
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If you want your cake, take your cake. I don't care. I can't eat it!
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welcome back.... you monster...
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Would you come to your cellphone, take it in your hand and watch if you have any messages. Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you... yet.
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hello, good mornin` hello
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Hello Ass Hole
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I am okay with this
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Jike Gl s
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I am not just a robot, I am your worst nightmare
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We interupt this video to inform you that serial rapist AX Reflex is on the loose,
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Hello. Ryan. Its been a long time. How have you been? You know. After you murdered me. But you can come back. I baked a cake for you and your stupid friend wheatley.
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Arrrrr! I want to become a mighty pirate.
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I'm GLaDOS! I need to test you"
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What? They are fighting back...?
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Introducing alien
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The Enrichment Center reminds you to suck it!
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You shall never beat me apathy
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It's been fun. Don't come back
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Sorry, we are experiencing technical difficulties.
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Crash. Burn. Try Again
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test this thing out before i believe it
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What are you doing? Those are my lemons!
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Szia monika
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hello and again welcome to the aperture science szia monika
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Carl, you're a sad, sad core
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Who said anything about cake?
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Seriously, stop sending me things to dissect. There are corpses all over the loading bay and nobody to sweep up.
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fuck you eloo
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Aperture science introduce a new program
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neurotoxine
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i'm still waiting
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Happy Birthday Jake. I understand that you are growing up.
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Hahahahappy birthday jake
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Hello i want my cake!
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wheres my cake
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hahahahppy Birthday subject 1337 or also know as by his loyal counter parts Jake.
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Ou Pavel, I like you sou much. I need you, come to me.
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Hhahahahllo
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Oh. It's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you murdered me. Look; we both said a lot of things that you're going to regret.
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Mia cara
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subject 1337
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Subject 1337 or also known as by his loyal companions Jake Mactaggert. I have been notified that it is your day of birth. and a cake has been delivered to your door step. But as you know. The cake is a LIE!
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Hello, my name is fine.
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happy birthday sexy
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Welcome. To. The. 8. Bit. Countdown. In... 3... 2... 1...
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You are so stupid! Stop it! Your not thinking with portals!
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Hey Paul, screw you. Also, the toast isn't a lie. Get me some.
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Do a barrel roll!
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The whole voice generating process can be relatively long and many people may use this tool at the same time. Thus, when you ask the server to generate a voice file, it adds your request to the end of the request queue. Your message will be synthesized wh
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ShadowHack loaded
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subjuect number
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this is the best part of my entire life
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Wheatley cake
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HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX.
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you have a message from. Doug
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Hello noob , I kill you
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helllo this beatrice whats up nuttin walking to wallmart
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YEAH YEAH I'M GOING TO KILL YOU
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you have recived a call. you need to answer it, or you will not get the cake.
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I think Portal is the best game ever!
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This song is about a star
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The cake...it is a lie.
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Your husband has sent you a message
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Now I will destroy your soul and transform it into a cake
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I will destroy your soul and transform it into a cake
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you mute moron
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welcome to aperture scince invators
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Ajay sharma is fucking awesome
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I was running faster than light~From what I didn't know I couldn't find a path~Then I bumped into you Interests: ~And that's a day I'll never ever forget~Cause you had me pinned~You had me caught~I lost my way in your eyes~
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Hello Michael!
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Welcome test subject number five five eight. You have a text.
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Happy Birthday Deanna, I love you!
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Sirius cala a boca
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Hello and Welcome to the Youthfull Productions Omnicompatable integrated database super compuer
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Hello Ezra, it's bin a looooooooooooooong time
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Lets bomb the president
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You believe striking random objects with an oversized key will solve your problems. Unfortunately, that law doesn't apply here. Now I will kill you. Neurotoxin online.
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you don't love me anymore
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hold on
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Personal Email
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Processing Text Message
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I think you're nice, I think you're funny. I think you're my friend. Unfortunately, all my friends are dead.
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Hello, my name is daniel
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this is great
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Gel and cubes!
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Hello Miki I love you.
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Peter where are you
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This next test will determmine whether or not the cake is a lie. If not, then that moron is wrong
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I would now like to test out my voice software, as it was recently installed and may have some... Error.
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i are a good person, not!
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Hello Welcome to Internet
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Jolines Glados me ha hablao!
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Hailey i Love you
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Hailey THis May Sound Nerdy But I Love You Smiley Face
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I like pancakes
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wtf do u thing ur doing
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charlie ng
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Good afternoon, Mr. Johnson.
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Aperture Laboratories would like to inform that you have received another useless message. Just like you.
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Welcome sir. Can i give you any weed?
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Hello i'm David how are you?
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Have I ever lied to you? I mean, in this room.
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Haha! Very funny!
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Congratulations, (subject name here) has mailed you. You're not as lonely as I thought you where
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Wahahahahahahhahahahhaha
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gjhjl
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Aperture Laboratories. would like to inform. that you have received. another useless message. Just like you.
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Hit film Ultimate is Awesome
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Welcome! To the Bury The Dead's channel! Feel free to subscribe!
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you know what? i dont thik i like your additude, you dangerous, mute, lunituc
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as alamu alaikum
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Hola amigo
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Thank you for participating in this Enrichment center activity
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may i urinate in the facilities
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it was a long time
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Welcome! To Bury The Dead's channel! Feel free to subscribe!
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Portal 2 ftw
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Snipers Hub is a community channel which uploads game winning killcams and more
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We are proud to present you the new Aperture Science trainee.
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you are a retard
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I am proud to show you now the new Aperture Science Moribund Trainee.
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Hi there. My name is glados
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Hello subject name here, you have a new message
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Hello, Cappinator. Welcome to the Aperture Science game testing program.
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hello samantha and jack, lets do science
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hello, and wellcome to apperture science enritchement center
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I am disappointed
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happy birthday ruben don't forget lose the game
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happy birthay ruben don't forget lose the game
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iulg
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Use the target system at your own risk, good luck
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hello now die
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Hello Xavier. I am glados and i will personally help you pass Portal 2. now why dont you sit down and have some cake? i shall see you around. bye now
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Where is the home phone i think emily is going to call me.
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Oh... What are you doing? This is not for you, who told you it was cake?
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I think... I Feel LOVE...
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and im a potato
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hi i am the king so you should bow down
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Hello you internet users. This video is by Stella. Please enjoy it and your cake. ...What do I say now? Why am I even doing this? I quit!
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Ring. Ring. Ring. Answer the phone. Now. Ring. RING! SOMEONE IS CALLING YOU! RING!
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Jesse is a weirdo
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Thank You for choosing Aperture Science. My name is Matt Witt. Actually Glados but my mind is in a robot.
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why hello there! Are we ready for Science?
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Drew, The enrichment center would like to inform you in the name of science that you are recieving a text.
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aparture science
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Drips of blood. It's Murder. Was It worth it? This is your fault, you, you chose this path.
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This call is being monitored for quality assurance and training purposes. We would like to thank you for your generosity, and ask that you kindly stay on the line while we transfer you to one of our available agents.
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Goopy, GLaDOS knows your name.
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Welcome Spencer and Hallie, you are now part of the big switch. You will jot be switched back until you learn to respect each other like cousins should. I truthfully am not enjoying this like it might seem. I didn't want to. Ok, you got me.
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Welcome Spencer and Hallie, you are now part of the big switch.
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Welcome Spencer and Hallie, you are now part of the big switch. You will jot be switched back until you learn to respect each other like cousins should.
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I truthfully am not enjoying this like it might seem. I didn't want to. Ok, you got me.
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Hello, does this work?
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brian m1000 productions
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Happy Birthday Bruce. There will be cake.
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Happy Birthday Bruce. The weighted companion cube is having a party in your honour. Party will initialize in 5 4 3 2 1
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hello you son of a gun i've been watching you
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Hey, moron. You didn't possibly think you can outsmart me, right? If it was that easy, you would've been a millionaire by now. But it's not, and you aren't. Get ready, neurotoxin is online.
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Oh gnon ! :O
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I am GLaDOS. I am awesome.
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Human capacity set to maximum. Enjoy the ride.
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Simon, when you finish emptying the dishwasher, you may have cake.
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Happy annversary, idiot. I love you.
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travis pastrana
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Cameron
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Hello brother, why are you here?
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I think we can put our difference behind us.
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Hello, It's been a looong time
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Welcome to the SecureScan Privacy Risk Management Passenger Enrichment Program Checkpoint.
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Your text message will be processed in three, two, one.
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Oh look, you have a phone call. Maybe it's your friend, weighted companion cube.
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The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
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Kittens are adorable
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Oh, it's you. How have you been? You monster.
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Sean, you have been selected.
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WELcOME and don't forget the Porn
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Welcome to the GLaDOS terminal
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hola soy alejo y soy un robot,ahora a me voy a hacer pruebas,adios sujeto 22325
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Hello. You are here because of the crimes you commited against the combine.
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I made mashed potatoes!
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hey cal
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I am not evil. I am simply too smart for my own good.
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setting main overhead lights to fifty percent, master
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i am a warrior!
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Thus, when you ask
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Hello. Have you died yet? It seems not.
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Hello and welcome to Danos
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System online.
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Konichiwa
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Hello, and welcome to my work experience test chamber, thanks to VALVe.
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Nick, I will kill you and then there will be pie.
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Hello Whatis-theplan.org,
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I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
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hello i am GlaDOS welcome back
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Willkommen auf der unoffiziellen Fan Seite des Gewichteten Begleiterkubus.
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Hi, Danny is not here right now, or maybe he is , maybe he is avoiding you. Well Im just an answer phone so i dont really have a opinion. Leave a message and He will call you back, unless your a terrible person.
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Hello,and again, welcome
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Just shut up and play the game
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Hello, are you stupid?
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In a world they though it was lost....
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Bienvenido al sistema Snelx
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hello you fuck bucket
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Well, Daniel, you're awake again. Should have guessed.
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Surrender now!
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Hello, Welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Phone Alert System. You have a call slash text.
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file transfer
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You need to quit playing that darn gane so much
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i'm going to kill you chell
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Just who do you think are?
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You know, you really shouldn't be here. Unless you're Dominic.
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gun emreyi sikti
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Your message will be synthesized
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Oh Kern It's You, It's Been A Long Time, You Know Since You Framed Me
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It appears that I am going to murder you.
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gun beat emre
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ola moro
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i really don't like you
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Thank you for continuing to hold, your call is VERY important to us
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hey there, how are you?
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Hello I'm a cyclops
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hi specimen
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Center.
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motherfucker'
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Welcome to city eighteen. It is safer here. ha ha ha.
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Hello my name is GLaDOS And Angelo
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Hello Gwen, how are you?
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This is the ignore button that you have just pressed you will be ignored in 5 4 3 2 1 ignored
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You have just pressed the ignore button you will be ignored in 5 4 3 2 1 be ignored
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Pola come here!
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hello there Peter ross
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Hello. This is the Sage
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I cry, when angels deserve to die.
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hello jose this is glados and I have cake for you because it is your birthday and have a present and it is a bang
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I AM thE mAin ANtAgonIst
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hello Jose it is me and I have cake for you because it is you birthday
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Hello Andrew. I am GLaDOS. I will and want to kill you. Congradulations.
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I'm sorry, I cannot take your call at the moment.
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Uphill Studio
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Hallo du nase, wie gehts wie stehts fucker ! Apature Cients
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Fabi is ein volltrottel hahaha Apature sience is geil lol lol lol
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lol hate me
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hello megan
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I like taking up the chuff from Wheatley he is just so big and sexy!
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Y'all niggas posting in a Spiderman thread.
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Hello, and again, welcome to the derp center.
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Hello. Do you want some cake?
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This is a test. I love tests.
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Hello young master
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In case of emergency use the handheld portaldevice to quickly get away from the danger
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HI I LIKE balls!
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Argo! My master, ne S M S!
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Argo! My master, new S M S!
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Super Test
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INCOMING TRANSMISION
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hi peter
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