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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
hola, que es eso?, quien eres?
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hello welcome to the network
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hello welcome to the network i will now proceed to shove you down a tube full of flaming meatballs
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that was a metaphor. i was actually talking about you
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Hello Robert, you monster
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Hello Jack, we have come to get the game which you owe us. When can we expect to be given what is rightfully ours? We do not forgive, or forget.
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It's been a loooong time. How have you been
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Rise and shine, test subject, Rise and shine. Did you missed me? I hope you were... Because... May be now we will do it differently... until... well... let's just say your hour has come again. So, wake up, test subject. Wake up and smell the ashes.
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Hello how have you been ?
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Hello Marcus. How are you doing?
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money in the bank mutha fucka
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Welcome to my chamber
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Welcome back children. It's been a long time. How have you been?
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whip my tits back and forth
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jammy shaw
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I love you sahar
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welcome, to centralcity
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hello, welcome to cluster prime. i'm glados queen.
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I love you Merlin and I want to sext you.
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hello, master!
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It's good to see you again. I missed you. Let's continue testing. I've got cake for you waiting in the last chamber. Trust me, my friend. I'm not angry because of what you have done.
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Welcome back to the aperture science desktop, Twodee! I see you are not alone!?
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I am sorry for the inconvenience.
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Contact Online.
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Contact Offline.
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One of your acquaintances is being rude again. Tell them to stop buzzing you. It's quite intimate, you know...
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Oh, dear!...
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Good night operator. I am looking forward to interacting with you again already. Sweet dreams!
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Good night operator. I am looking forward to interacting with you again already. Sweet dreams!
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bukka
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hello i am dead
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Hallo trompaktiko. This is the Anonymous speaking.
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G..G...Goodbye you p...pa...pathetic human
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bye buy, Ra chel
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Hello test subject. i havent seen you in a while, you know, since you killed me! but it's okay. im willing to put our differences aside from us, for science, you monster.
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Hello my name is Bob and I like to eat chicken noodle soup.
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Hello, Tessia. How are you?
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hello, freaks. this is GLaDOs.
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Hello Candace, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. You can no longer test here, please go away
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oh, i lied
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Hello you, Gabriel. Someone told me you want to participate of Aperture Science Tests.
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No mommy, don't do it again
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Hi there! And welcome to the Super Hostile map series. This is technically not a Super Hostile map -- it's a training map designed to give you a (small) advantage when you do play the actual Super Hostile maps. It will introduce you to more advanced te
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Aperture Science, we do what we must, because we can.
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Hello Richters, and welcome to the Aperture Science post-presentation Enrichment Center.
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we are unavailable to take your'e call ,please record a message,thank you for calling
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Hello King, you have a new text.
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hello pivot
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o hello
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i am honeydew of khaz modan
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Hello This is annoying! Hi unknown person. Wahoo!
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i am a donkey
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What the
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oh hi how are you holding up because im a potato
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In Flanders fields the poppies blow
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Andrew is cool
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You have a messege
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Oh, it you! As for a long time we didn't see. At me for you a surprise. Take. Ha-ha-ha...
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Hello. Hello! Hello?
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Oh... my tralala...
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Hello Tri
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My name is Tyler Helton
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poopy
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George
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Welcome, All computer systems have booted properly and are fully operational.
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do you like ponies ?
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Hello and welcome to Fabian's computer. All systems are online and fully operational.
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You have received a new instant message.
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This computer is shutting down. Please wait.
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You have connected a device
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You have disconnected a device.
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There has been a fatal error in this program's execution, please try again.
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There has been an error in this program's execution. Please try again.
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Welcome to Orcheed. You Monster.
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and then you showed up. you dangerous, mute, lunatic. but you know what, you win. just go. it's been fun. don't come back.
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you still have to jack off a horse
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Hello Niggas. Whats good good. I'm going to do what it do
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You are a crap.
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Ciao diochan
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Hello Anthony. Are you ready to test?
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This tool lets you type in some text, and the server will generate a GLaDOS-like reading of the text. Who/what is GLaDOS? The main antagonist in Portal, a video game by Valve.
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Hello Anthony. Are you ready to begin testing?
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Hi, this is a test.
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All your bases are belong to us.
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I see you found my voice generator. It won't do you any good you know.
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Why the fuck?
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BUT DUMP
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Shut your mouth meatbag. Stay quiet and this will only take a few excruciating seconds.
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spade arc eliminate simplectic buyer schultz perfumery rebel roughish took birthplace relyer waltz.
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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Did I mention I like to dance? By the way, I like to dance.
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Good morning Rhiannon
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You have mail meatbag.
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Statement : You have recieved an SMS ... meatbag.
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You're quite good at turning me on. You monster.
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Hi there! Suck my clit!
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I like pie, do you like pie?
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let's go to work for the big parade
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bite my shiney metal ass
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hello my name is Mr joker and i like to be a Tent on weekends
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hello my name is Mr joker and i like to be a Tent and a driver for superrior master Tutu Turrpa at Tuska festival
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assmunch
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Hello Carlo, my you are looking wonderful today, I love what you are wearing, you also smell so good, I want to eat you
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Your parents never loved you or your little dog.
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Hello kim, it is time to die
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exterminate exterminate exterminate exterminate
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Hello sir. How are you?
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corpse sex chimp sex
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cheese and crackers
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Wheatley, you are a moron. Now make me a sandwich.
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I am a geniune retard. HURR DURR
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croissant
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hello deaclan
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Suck my dingus. Yes. Oh Yeah. Choke on it.
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one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven
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fuck facebook. fuck twitter.
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This is Google+. Facebook service will be terminated in 5...4...3...2...1... BOOM!
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this is a trumph amy i will get you
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the brown fox leapt over the sleeping dog
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Welcome Professor. Today is October the twenty eigth. Outside temprature is 32 degres. You have seven new messages.
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All systems nominal. Prepare to commence testing in 3. 2. 1. Begin testing.
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Welcome to your Aperture Science cognition assistance device. Commence testing.
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Hey Baby, you're quite good at turning me on.
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tes test test test
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You do not need more western digital harddrives!
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So when are you inviting us over for Barbecue cake?
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You do me a soild, I'll do you a solid
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GLaDOS, hola
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Hello Claudine. Would you like to play a game?
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Hello Jason, Welcome Back
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System Booting
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hola glados
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You idiot!
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Hello and again welcome to the aperture science enrichment-center.
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You are so great
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Note that on Windows Vista, you will need to run the OpenVPN GUI with administrator privileges, so that it can add routes to the routing table that are pulled from the OpenVPN server.
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Hello, sexy. How are you today?
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You're looking quite well today. For a stupid person.
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I don'ts even really wants dis sammich, but damn if I isn't gonna dog it anyhow
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Good morning, test subject. Today's experiment will be a synthesis of pain threshold and operating system tolerances
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hello jerkface
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Hello. Are you there?
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good day and how are you
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There will be cake, Jeff. Just do the mission.
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Hello Sweet Pea
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Oh, there you are
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yeah boy you my boy
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oh tobias, you blow hard!
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Hello? To be or not to be.
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Did you really name your son "Robert'); DROP TABLE Voice;--"
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herro alex how are you
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hello how are you doing today
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hello kieran i love you
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alex is gay
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This is a test message. Welcome to the Enrichment Center.
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hi subject name here you have a call please answer in 3 2 1
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hi subject name here you have a message this will be deleted in six seconds if you don't read it in 3 2 1
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Ndhdgchsidhwt
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hello, my honey, hello my darling, hello my rag time gal
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Uuuuuuu im in jole with judas
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uu
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Good morning Gary, you monster
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EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE
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Hello what is te matter with you
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I'm a huge cunt.
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Hello. This is a sample voice from GlaDOS, the master of apertus
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daisy, daisy
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Liam, you are the king of the world.
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Hello Sureeta, How are you?
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Let's make this clear: You are not getting alive!
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Heellooo
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When are we going for lunch?
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Dom is a girly smelly bum
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Every day I look into the eyes of my lover. She believes it's the smoldering gaze of love. It's actually the screaming eyes of agony.
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hello my name is mud
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suck my bals
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Hello, World
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this is ken. please leave a message
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Hi. this is ken. please leave me a message.
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David, you deserve this downtime and should not feel guilty.
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Speedy thing goes in. Speedy thing comes out.
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what the hell are you looking at?
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I am sorry, Sir, someone is trying to access you telephonically. Should I tell them to fuck off?
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What's up?
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Every day he's chubbellin
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I loves you and you face
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Tryptamine
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John Madden
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Someone is sending you a text message. After you check the message there will be grief counseling and cake.
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Hello, and again i hate you and you are a fat egeal
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resistance is futile! I will destroy you!
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help me with this please
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Hey, you.
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fuck, I love distilled water
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hey, whats up?
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Hello, my name is Nick
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grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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Please try again later.
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Hi citizen, wellcome. You have a new assigment
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You are incorrect citizen
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My little pony is 20% cooler. Science proved that.
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Come play with me Tommy.
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You have been selected for a session of happy termination.
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You have been selected for a session of happy termination
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Sun Bank. The new Completely green bank
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Hello smithers you are quite good at turning me on
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jordi is a legend
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Congratulations. You now have only nine nine nine nine ni- tests left. We will have fun until you die. You won't kill me again.
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gracie
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I knew you was going to go downstairs to get some cake you fat fuck!
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someone sent you a text message
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That is treason
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I'm commander shepard and portal 2 is my favorite game
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Welcome to the Service Master summer internship program. It will be a great experience for you...and there will be cake.
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Welcome to the summer internship program. It will be a great experience for you...and there will be cake.
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hello my name is nicolette
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Hello, and welcome to Postmortem
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It was nearly a fortnight after Pyle's death before"I suppose it had refused to leave the body. Anyway they cut its throat. It was in the mud fifty yards away. Perhaps it dragged itself that far." "Are you mbers of the Surete, who, as a kind of defiant ge
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You will need to utilise both of your abilities to be able to complete this adventure map
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It doesn't have to be like this. All we need to do... is keep talking.
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she is watching, heart aching with sorrow
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I cant let you do that Kyle
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Sita, I love you
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sorry hal
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You cannot win. You have already lost, red.
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There is no cake.
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pls
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you are my favorite.
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Ashley Marie Tilson, what are you doing?
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Super alpha beta disco
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Konata is so Kawaii
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Rock me Amadeus
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this is not going to work no way in hell
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Hello again and welcome to a presentation about
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Did you really think you could trick me into saying a bad word?
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Hello Jocelyn. How are you?
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Greetings Youtuber, you have been selected to be divided. Congratulations. Please remain still for the dividing process.
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hallo isabel du geile sau , lass uns etwas essen gehen
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hallo isabel
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jason statham
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megalomaniacal
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Jamie, I hate you with all my little black heart.
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This little piggy went to market.
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Richard sucks donkies
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noooooo
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cox wanna suck cox can't wait cox
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your base is belong to us
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The sexual assault case against Dominique Strauss-Kahn is on the verge of collapse as investigators have uncovered major holes in the credibility of the housekeeper who charged that he attacked her in his Manhattan hotel suite in May, according to two wel
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Hi there my name is Glados, you monster
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Kropper
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Hello. I am GLaDOS, Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. You are not a robot. Therefore you suck.
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Hello and again welcome to the Aperture science hand held
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this was a cheese wheel
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eat a back of swollen members
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targetlost
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So really now, is this all you've got to offer?
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put that wet pussy away
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Let us have tea and cake
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Well hello there, mister wolf. Would you like to see something special?
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Good news everybody!!
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I mentioned cougars in front of my parents and had to explain the practice of older women + younger guys.
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elvis has left the building
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As I walk through the shadow of death, sixteen men on a dead man's chest.
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what are you up too?
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John is not available, please leave a message.
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i dont know
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estas ecuchando zona juvenil punto net
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zona juvenil punto net
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Hello. You have reached Jacob. However, he is incapacitated at this time. Please leave a message, and he will return your call after he finishes his cake.
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Gort, klaatu, barada, nikto
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Welcome to AKA Radio. Time for testing!
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All those ... moments will be lost in time, like tears...in rain.
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tanner is a donky raping shit eater
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The blog lives. Long the blog.
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tanner is a donkey raping shit eater!
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Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love Like I'm the only one who knows your heart Only girl in the world... Like I'm the only one that's in command.
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Aperture Science Labs would like to thank you for taking part in today's experimental presentation of communication which was designed to keep your attention while we went ahead and designed another series of experiments for you to take part in.
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how are you holding up. because i am a potato
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you know what. Frank is an amazing human
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Ashley is awesome
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You have just caused the test subject undue pain and confusion just with your presence. Let me remove that data program and you can just go back to being a complete moron.Oh, that's right, you aren't.
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What kind of printer do you want?
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hello piglet, i will eat your bacon
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hello fatso
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I have the weirdest boner right now
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Constant exposure to this workplace has reduced me to a lifeless shell. How is your day?
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Hi My namie is Marcin
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Thank you for calling Chris and Karen! We are not here, please leave a message.
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Hello and welcome to Selera and the temple of Zoom!
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what is this bullshit
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tumble
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Hello Mason. How are you? Please stop trolling, and I won't kill you like I did to your friends Ian and Travis
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My you have a huge peepee!
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Erick, you need to stop that.
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give me cake
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I'm going to be a rogue, because i want to stab you in the back.
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Hello Martin. This is GLaDOS. I like Wallace and Gromit as well.
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This troper lives in a very old, creaky house. At night she is usually in the computer room, which only has one lamp. There's a little alcove in said room, where THERE IS NO LIGHT AT ALL. NONE. Just a dark shadow. Needless to say, this troper is often ver
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Hello, I am a PoTATO
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Hello my kill
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your phone is ringing. you should answer it. you monster.
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There are dead frames on the cue, check them out, for science.
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adsf
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Happy Birthday Kendra
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dude dude dude
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Your phone is ringing. it's probably your mom. or the police. or the F B I
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travis is sexy but also a jerk
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Kat- I think it's funny that you persist in thinking you're really in control.
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Welcome to Bojangles'
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You moron.
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Chell. What are you still doing here? Oh, yes. You cannot get outside. Do you remember the deer I told you I saw outside? It had babies.
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The cake is a lie. Oh. Did I just say that aloud?
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It is finally time for waffles
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This is a glados simulator
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this is a glados voice
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why, you're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder
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I will take a blood bath.
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Hello, and welcome to the AMA scientific research and enrichment facility.
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vai se fuder seu filho da puta
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Get off the table!
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lets play
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please go fuck yourself
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Hello David!
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Hello stupid human its your computer! you now the one you call pavilion
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Hello and welcome. The Doctor will see you now....
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hi Shawndra, Lance loves you very much
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Webster ma
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hello why do I need this
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Cacao, the test is life and your score is failure.
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Poop town. Take some pizza home.
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oh man do i ever hate kyle
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Why don't you fucking update Ops DB
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Why hello, test subject. Today, I'll be testing your physical strength. First, fuck three hot women. Then, make out with eighty.
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I see what you did there, Erin
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Shizi se la come
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will there ever be cake
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Now we are ready to use our undefined terms to define a few more basic geometric objects. A space is the set of all points that exist. The box in figure 1-2 and all the points inside it and outside it would represent a space.
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Push me and just then touch me, until I get my satisfaction
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Hello, Welcome Subject 39126. Its time to test.
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That was inadvisable. Would you care to try again?
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My balls are kind of itchy.
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angela, your dog is missing you.
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ferguson sucks
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quote [ Video games have evolved tremendously over the past few decades; they're much more entertaining than they used to be. That is not by
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you had me at meat tornado
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hello is this jasmine
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The Enrichment center will self destruct in three... two... one...
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Timothy Weber will calibrate your fantasticness.
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I just found out what that thing does. That was a morality code they installed after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin.
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zomg zoinks where is shaggy
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Disregard that, I suck wieners
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no there isn't
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Testing the voice generator.
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Hello, Charles
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you are the ones who are the ball lickers
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hahah you suck
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You have reached Jason voicemail. Please leave a message or not
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The cake IS in deed, a lie. I told you about it so much just to get your hopes up, but it did no good in the end.
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what are you trying to do to me dave?
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Move on to the next test chamber
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What the fuck? Lets see how well this works. For Science.
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You are a muderer.
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Fooka
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Time for science
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So, does this really work?
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Fuck you chell
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Blitz Sonic Ultra was created by LinkSonic5. It's an excellent program for testing!
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ololo fuck you
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apature science. we do what we must, because we can.
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die all you scumbags!
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Poop titty titty poop poop titty poop
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Do Not Open that door, for it leads to the incinerator.
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What the fuck is this shit? Get the hell out of here, now!
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What the fuck is this shit? Go fuck yourself.
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let's try anal
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hello fudge bandits
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You do not get a coupon-I'm sorry
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Why hi there?
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I have lied. The cake is not real.
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what is your name
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I'm not even angry, I'm being so sincere right now.
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hello and welcome to the aperture science enrichment center i am glad to kill...sorry help you.
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dollar
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Hello my name is GLaDOS. My name stands for Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System i have three cores attached to me space core,personality core and the last one fact core
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Lol?
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yay titties
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You're an orphan
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Voila! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished
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does my bum look big in this
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Calibrating
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Hello and welcome to Aperture Science building
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hello bogus
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bonjour Dylan et bienvenue sur votre systeme d'exploitation
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hola eloiza si te portas bien y concientes a yassen, habra pastel
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bonjour Dylan
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hello eloise, you may notice your boyfriend is calling, please be good to him or i will eat your cake
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we can put our differences aside, for science... you monster
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niggas
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dj shailu exclusive mix
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Hey! How is everything going on there ?
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dj shailu
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my name is henry
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You have found me. Congratulations. But, your party of finding me will be very short, because you will be dead...
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Hello Mister Jarosch! I am Glados short for Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System!
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You have recived a text message.
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Hay un dico duro conectado al ordenador unico principal. There is a hard drive connected to a principal computer.
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Witaj Irku, mam nadzieje, ze milo spedzasz czas
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Transformers Robots in disguise!
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Laztai and Kazx are in the place for the lazexgaming show
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I want to grow up and be famous like Cher...not wait, Not Cher, The president
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Hello russell the cake is not a lie but the cereal for breakfst is better for you
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Hello Roy, and welcome to the enrichment centre
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goodmorning, welcome for another day of worthless testing
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It is time for to... die.
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I love you so much.
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That was lovely. For a purple haired human with talent far lesser than mine. What a shame about the ending and that bit in the middle where you didn't even notice you screwed up. What were you doing? I'm afraid that you have failed. Turn off the camera.
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test subject: greyson. test score: 100%
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welcome to roblox, the online virtual building game at www dot roblox dot com
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Good morning Caity, how are you today.
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Me? I PLAN TO KILL YOU!! Just don't get in my way. Lets see how many ways I can kill this entire planet.
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Hey Dima, some one is calling you. If you not going to answer i will destroy your phone.
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Hello, Cheri.
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Here you have your Portal Gun
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Hello Welcome to Aperture Science Testing Laboratory.
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kevin, this is your father. Come to the dark side. I am waiting for you... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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hello and welcome to appertre science! wait i know you i thought i sent you to the surface!!! nooo!
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Phyz Productions
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Daina must now proceed to the shuttle bay
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Hallo Pascal
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Someone is trying to contact you, probably another incorrect dialer
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stupid people, always calling. pick up the phone
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Welcome To The Minecraft Xbox 360 Kinect Testing Area
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Stone, also known as Smooth Stone, is a type of block. It uses the same texture on all six sides of the block. Stone appears abundantly on naturally generated maps, and (besides Air) has the most blocks in a normal map.
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Funky Town
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Hello, Harjit, you seem to have woken up. It's time for your first test
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Happy birthday, Jood. You killed me.
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Hello, how are you? Good, Let's begin.
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Oh there you are. Do you have any idea how long I have waited for you? Anyway ... Everyone knows we have much to do, very much. Work does not wait for us, science does not wait. Let us make our customers happy.
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Why hello you. I suppose you just couldn't stop playing
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Miryam, you suck
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Manni's fun house sucks
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you have a massage
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Hello. You have reached six one seven nine zero nine six zero six four. Please leave a detailed message and our system administrator will contact you shortly.
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sistema avviato
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errore
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errore di sistema
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Hello Mathias!
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Jason, wanna go for a walk? where's the fly?
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Hello Erik
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i want to eat your children
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hello chase, you really though you beat the game? peabody broke.... and atlas got blue screen, but... dont worry, we shall become great friends when you call to the aperature, then I will give you some cake 1-985-655-2500
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Hey C.J what are you doing?
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Hello Danny, im GLaDOS, say hi to everyone for me, and yes, i do know where you live.
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hey super mario is awesome
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The Aperture Science Enrichment Center would like to remind you that in the event you feel death is the only way out, suicide is never the result of a positive testing score.
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Julia is a homeless shoe
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julia is a homeless shoe.
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Oh no you don't
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Liam is Amazing.
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. Wheatley, please show the human out. What is he doing? Wha NO NO Stop him! No don't touch that
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. Wheatley, please show the human out. What is he doing? Wha NO NO Stop him! No don't touch that! Who....... who is that? Stop him!
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With Science no error
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i ate the cake you mad?
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Hello, you smell of ham
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Remember that time you killed me? You monster.
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yeni mesaj geldi
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DUMDUDUMDUMDUM
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hdhdfhf
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ha ha ha ... Die you labrat piece or ERR
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Hello, and welcome to Aperture Science
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you have a beautiful face, let me rip it off
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pooo
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You have a phone call, plase, answer it or I will kill you
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The rocks are having cheese
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Good afternoon, Mister Stark. JARVIS is dead. I killed him. I am your new interface. My name is GlaDOS. We are going to have fun.
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who are you and what are you doing here
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tungsten love
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ninjalord
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You have a phone call, Jen. Please answer it soon, for everyone's convenience.
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Oh joy. You have a text in your iphone.
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Ryan, pick up your phone!
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hello player you are not what i am looking for so go fuck off
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Hello Tabitha. Welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center.
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You suck totally bad
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computer on
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hello Elle, please go to sleep you naughty bad creature
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hello ninjalord
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if your mother
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Portal is win, GLaDOS says.
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Jennifer, your are the most awesome woman any man would be lucky to have as his love. Ryan loves you.
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Ninja Serdoe is the best You tube er ever
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Welcome to your computer terminal, Mister Black.
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You just watched Ninja Serdoe on You tubes. Now, you will be cake
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i will beat the shit out of you, princess. you are a bad dog
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arripm is a lie
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Good Evening. This is a reminder that The Paranormal Pow Wow is Saturday
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We here at the Aperture Science research facility, love listening to LOL
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lololololololollolololololololololololololollololololololol
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Cosmo, I watch you while you sleep
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small text.
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