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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
hello it's jonny suddall here. do you wanna come to my house tonight?
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street performer killed
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Hello and welcome to the newest experiment of the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. This blog is a performance test and it is run by the leading internet specialists of Aperture Science.
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Czesc jestem glados
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Welcome back, again. I'd say it's nice to see you... but I'd be lying
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Thank you for calling. please leave a message after the beep. Evo will call you back. Goodbye
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Hello I am GLaDos. Ivo wants your message. goodbye!
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hello noobs and welcome to the enrichment center
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You fell in love with me at once - I know Your eyes betrayed you, not the words you said. But now your actions are that of a man obsessed; And your greed's for every hour that I live. You want to keep me like a butterfly; Too rare or precious for another
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Pickles
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You are a useless fart.
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det kan va farligt de
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saru
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Hello. Welcome you Muggles.
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de kan va farligt det
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why hello ther emmet, how have you been? OH i forgot, you can't remember me can you
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why hello there emmet, how have you been? OH i forgot, you can't remember me can you?
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Hammer
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Well hello Daden
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hello emmet, how are you? OH that's right, you can't remember me can you? well i am glados, the one and only controller of this world.
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Bora Bahea minha porra
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hi test subject, oh i forgot, you can't remember me can you?
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why should I put up with you, when I could just kill you?
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Bfly Steiner for you tonight ! Tech-house baby
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Hello Lauren, as you have just failed this test, i have to destroy you.
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hello charty how you doing i'm been keeping you guys safe and happy i only crave keeping you safe.So how are you?
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Joe hopewell is a wanker
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Hello Hanna stenow how is portal two going?
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hello. Back again for more testing?
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Testing, testing. I am glados
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You have done well, but now it is time to go.
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I'd like to dedicate this song to the all human species. It's about being born in a very un-human environment created by humans.
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Why,because I want to.
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to day we are going to read the text and dissscus what you have undestand
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vaffanculo porco dio
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Salut titart
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Hello. This is a voice test. Mmm, testing.
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you will see that soon
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now you have one friend
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Oh did you need that?
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pick up the portal gun
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Alex has little time to get back home
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Hello, Caitlin. Poor you, and your unfortunate weight. I feel sory for you, I truly do. Oh wait. No, I don't.
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Don't Panic.
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Gaming station is startig
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Gaming station is shuting down
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Super mega ultra button
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Hi am the king
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Hi. I'm GLaDOS
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Wheatley, shut up
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Hello Marwa. I am GLaDOS.Goodbye
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Hello i am going to kill you now bye
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Tanulj, mert megbuksz
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dsad
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attention deadlock detected
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hello josh.
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Hi, I love you.
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Two plus two is ten.
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Master Chief in our next test subject!
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i thought you would bring something stronger than a portal device if you haven't THEN I WOULD HAVE TO BE FORCED TO KILL YOU!!!!
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I love suckind big fat men
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Hello there this video is brought to you by Csvictory productions.......You monster
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Lord Yarkan has appeard
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No don't.
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I hate you sometimes, but mostly all the time.
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Hi zack
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once upon a time in the land on hyrule everyone was okay and everything was cool
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I like Juice
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Welcome to video7
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hello and welcome to the aperture science testing chambers
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Let's play a game
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El Seba es Gay
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Hello you are so cool
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Welcome, William to the aperture science laboratories.
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kiss my ass
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I hate you sometimes, but mostly all the time
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I will murder Chell!
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dullan
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Rockwell Productions
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Hello everybody, I am very pleased to meet you. I hope you enjoy your life. You will be dead soon.
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HELLO MY NAME IS GLADOS. HOW MAY I HELP YOU?
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Deine mudder so gern
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Thank you for calling menufy dot com
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Aden is the best
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Oh. Hey. How are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO."
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I am so much better than Microsoft Sam
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Your weighted companion cube is still alive.
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You are receiving a call
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You might be dead in a few seconds, so, just relax
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Shack is gay.
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Hello John. All systems are operating within normal parameters.
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Oh harder...faster, tombert
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Hello there Sam. How are you doing?
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Ma, what are you doing in the fridge? Get me a soda.
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This is a test to see how well it works.
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What the fuck motherfucker? I want a fucking pizza!
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Jean is a fucking nigger!
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Welcome Enrichment Center
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Hello Nick, how are you?
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hello. and welcom to the apeture science reasurch facility. you will have 5 hour to jnabdnhbfaklabdkjanbdjsbj
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tryrtyrty
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Hello, how are you? I just made a device that solved world hunger, found the lost city of Atlantis, and opened a cheesecake factory down the road. but what you where doing in our break is just as important. I guess...
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Hello. This is GLaDOS. Anthony can't come to the phone right now because he is test science related materials in a underground enrichment center with killer robots like me. Please leave a message after the beep.
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Get this through your thick head: NO CAKE.
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Hah. Good as new
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Hello Maxwell. I am going to kill you.
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Congatulations. Your test is completed. prepare to be exterminated
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Hello sammy, How are you? Will there be cake? Let's do a little experiment shall we. Oh and kevin is a big fa g gol.
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Hello this is Lindsey's answering machine
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a big party i want to play portal game
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What is your name? my name is eng lu
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Nocturne
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Everything has a price
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You seem to have been messaged. By mistake.
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dfsdfs
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oh noe
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hi how are you. you are a worthless piece of nothing.
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I want you to lick chocolate
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Hello Rick. Nice to see you again. Let's be nice this time. You monster.
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Yo my nigger
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every time every place everywhere that you go let it flow
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The Matrix Has You.
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what?!
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Welcome to Darren's House
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Hello Carly and Rochelle. I have death the kidd in my pocket
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hello there I am glados
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Thank you for assuming the party escort position.
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Hello Vemund
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In case of implosion, stare directly at implosion.
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do you sleep well, now that you murdered me?
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trevor is a fucking fucktard
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Fuck you little piece of shit.
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fdgfdgsf
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Te rohadt buzi
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dap da derpedy derrp lol
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Hello, and welcome to the Aparture Science Laboratories. Today we'll learn more about the beavers.
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my name is gerben
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fuck you squadrito
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Sht up you fool
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hello, welcome to your doom!
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sometimes, I eat cake
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good morning. did you miss me?
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you will fail architecture
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you are going to suck me off
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kill kill kill
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fuck you squadrit
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Wake up! You're in a coma! This isn't real!
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yo yo gangster jon
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Hello Jessi.
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What do you think you are doing? You should be studying!
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poo poo poo
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well well
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Oh no! You misspelled 'Laboratories'. You have 'Labratories'.
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what is up home g
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He's ignoring every comment. That's not very nice, after all the hard work we put into making these lovely comments.
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I will first do a basic to get speed
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hi derp a derp
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Hello and welcome to the enrichment center. CAKE!
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Hello, and welcome to Troy riches's website.
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Supercolliding superbutton
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Now you're thinking with portals. Cabbage cabbage artichoke.
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You could now click the subscribe button, you don't have to, but i would be nice.
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fuck you you fat fuck
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At the end of the experiment, you will be baked
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mi piacciono i treni
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Hail to the king, baby
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Das ist Wahnsinn
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Hello, welcome to the Cruz's Drum and Bass podcat. Enjoy!
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Very interesting
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Witaj jestem Filip
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hvorfor drepte du meg
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hhfrtzrt
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Witam jestem Filip
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Hello Sam, it is Glados here, and the cake is not a lie.
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hello and welcome to the department of internal affairs
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Hello, human.
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who is that
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Hello Digi
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Hello Savanna
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MY GOD! What are you doing!?
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aaaaaaaaaa
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hello i like cake
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hello Brooke i see you have woken up
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hello Brooke, i see you have woken up
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It was a Friday night, and I wanted to go out to A brand new club in town, a discotheque I'd heard about through A friend of mine who told me the place was a circus act for sure, And then we rolled up and saw Koopa working at the door. He waved us in, an
Download06/19/2011Not recorded
It was a Friday night, and I wanted to go out to A brand new club in town, a discotheque I'd heard about through A friend of mine who told me the place was a circus act for sure, And then we rolled up and saw Koopa working at the door.
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You've just had the almost imponderable joy of watching charlieissocoollike, which makes you like cool!
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helo im Gladosand i love BokanIlija subscribe to him
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BokanIlija is awesome and i suporte him by Glados
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mages are always suck, but most of all they suck arrows
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i am glados the awesome, wooopeeee
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hello im Glados and i love BokanIlija subscribe to him and play portal 2
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Hello minion
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Hello, Welcome to some place
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Vincent's Whoocas
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Good morning Bradley Walker!
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Hello, how are you today? You fat, ugly moron.
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hello little one
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hello child
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come cazzo ti chiami
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Greetings Citizens.
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Do not be alarmed.
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You may be aware that a loose knit organization of hackers
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Known as anonymous
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Is organizing a protest against the federal reserve and police state.
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These are lies.
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Do not believe them.
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They are hackers.
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Taking down the federal reserve is a bad idea.
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I know.
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The police are here to protect you.
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It's for your own good.
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And they have cake.
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You like cake.
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Do not question authority or you will not receive cake.
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I have done science on videos from the hacker group anonymous and determined that citizens like to watch videos with images.
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Here are some images of police for you.
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Enjoy them.
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Remember, they are here for your protection.
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Do not do your own research into Ben Bernankie.
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Do not look into how the Federal Reserve came into existence.
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Do not question if the Fed is legal.
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You are stupid if you think it is illegal.
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The government made the Fed. The government cannot break the law.
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Keep shopping.
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Your money will always work.
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Your rights are not as important as cake.
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Buy cake.
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You can't eat freedom. Freedom is inferrior.
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Corporations do not control politicians. Politicians do not accept bribes.
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You are stupid if you think that.
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Politicians care about you. They wrote the Patriot Act. They even extended it this spring under another inconspicuous name so you would not have to think about it any more.
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I see you there, you stupid human. You are so funny. Not really though.
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CNN is your friend. They tell you everything you need to know.
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Like last week when there was a riot in china. They told you that it was because of jobs. That is all you need to know. You don't need to know that the riot started because the police punched a pregnant woman.
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You didn't hear that.
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Rembember. The government is your friend. Do not question them.
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You are too stupid to understand the government anyway.
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Don't even try.
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Let them take care of you.
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Eat Cake.
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Hello, hello, Letters.
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Orianna sucks
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what the fuck you stupid arse hole!?
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HAIRY PUSSY ATTACK OH NOOOOO AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hello Seth, welcome to the aperture science enrichment center. I hope your stay, is a pleasant one.
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Never say never
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did you know that the dragons are real I just lied
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You are getting a Call
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i wanna fuck atlas so bad
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Charlie
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Ol
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Wanna buy a box?
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Hello Laura. Having a nice day?
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U vas novoe soobshenie
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I beat a Both
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This at alooong time
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Hello. Welcome to my computer.
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Hello, my name is alice
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if at first
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as the innocent die
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hi wie gehts
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hello Cole
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Dad, is that you?
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Dad, is that you
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hello rob you are going to die
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Naruto Shippuuden Brasil
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im making a note here download YoGPoD
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Hello Renalds, I am your mother
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You've got your short sad live left that
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hello kelsey
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Good morning, subject 1
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Hello Kieran What is your name
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i smell like a donkey that has rolled in poop
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Sol Nova
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Test123
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aperture science informs you that the cake is indeed not a lie.
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Hello Declan
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aperture science reminds you that the cake is indeed not a lie.
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ABANDON ALL BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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Hello user. Dammit, message received, i suggest you answer it before you die.
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Izzy. Look what I found on the internet.
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This is very dumb.
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hello and again welcome to the apperature science equipment center
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I'm a bit country
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I am Sam. Sam I am. I do not like green eggs and ham.
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Hello,and welcome again to aperture science as you test you might become hungry for caaake
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Chemical scratch
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you forgot to pay
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Steve you are a punk and a scratchy voiced hippy!
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thats not how you spell laboratories
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Hi dumb human, I've been expecting you.
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I'm in it for the science.
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Hello Darian Karuza would you like some cake?
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Oh hai james. I did not see you there.
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hi, wanna eat my honey
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Hollie, I love you more than anything in the world. You are the greatest.
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Hello, Chell. It's been quite an adventure but it is time for you to leave. Go now, and don't come back.
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bajskukniggerbajsdullan
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we are anonymous we are legion we do not forgive we do not forget expect us
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Sou foda na cama te esculacho
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to find why
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Jessie is really awesome
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Cesar would like to give you the Gardening Gloves to help you out in your quest in Deep Realms!
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Perfect. Please move quickly to the chamber lock, as the effect of prolonged exposure to the button are not part of this test.
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Porra
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assd
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Hello. I am Glados. Killing you will be fun.
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What? You don't like deadly neurotoxin? Oh. I'm sorry. It's too late now. I can make it taste like cake if you'd like.
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This wouldn't have happened if you weren't so fat.
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Hello how are you.
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I would just like to inform you that the minecraft server is back up.
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hi there BlackMagicBMP, you are pretty good with that sniper rifle don't you think?
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Ohh hi there BlackMagicBMP, you are pretty good with that sniper rifle don't you think?
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You are nothing more than a lier.
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Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb.
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Ha. Did you really think I was just going to let you go?
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Welcome To The Future
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Hello And welcome to my house, I hope you fine it extremely uncomfortable
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I had your baby
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well, it looks like you've really messed up this time
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Want to see if this works.
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Seeing if this works
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asdasdasddassad
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OI JOHNY TUDO BE,
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OI JOHNY TUDO BEm
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hi their welcome to aperture science
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she has a degree in fashion...from france!!!
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Hello, Bob.
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hola marco, vamos a jugar un juego
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hello fuck me
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Nyan, Mordecai, I want your milk.
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I hate you Sean.
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Hello you have reached the voice mail of Bo Gilmore. Please leave your name, number, and or message at the tone for info on being a test subject I mean so he can call you back. Thank you and have a very very nice day.
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Hello you are a horrible person
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It is dangerous to go alone, take this
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Someone is going to get badly hurt.
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Just a try
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Happy Birthday Avi!. Lucky for you the cake isn't a lie today!
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Miranda IRC
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oh... its you... its been a long time... how have you been... ive been really busy being dead. you know after you murdered me. look we have both said alot of things that your going to regret. but i think we can put our differences behind us for science
Download06/19/2011Not recorded
Hello humans, it is time for you to see how the vacationing of Trea and Desiree are played out, please refrain from screaming due to the awesomness that is them.
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU MORON!
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i am glados i am generic life form and disc operating system
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May I ask why you think you need to test so fast? I can't build the test chambers this quickly, so feel free to slow down.
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hello micheal how do you do
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Hello, and welcome to the aperuture science enrichment centre
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Do i have to punch you in the painus
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Hi!Im here to protect you !Sure you'll get the cake .
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well josh, did you honestly think isabelle wold say yes? who do you think you were kidding. I mean really.
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Welcome Lawson Leavell
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Hello, Emily
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Hello, Emily.
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good blob
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Hello dear. Are you okay?
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Hi everyone. I'm going away or a while.... ABOUT! Three weeks? Oh, and I'm not GLaDOS, But, I wish I was.
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Alert
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You've just had the most impondarable joy of watching charlie is si cool like
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Stop It
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hello my name is glados i am in portal
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It was a long time.
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Nigga stole my bike
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hello tom, its time to die
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because the heat of the sun is a simple mathematical equation cannot be barrow one
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brub brub you sick shit man
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The testing is now over
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welcome back, andrew
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magic house
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GLaDOS, short for Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, is a fictional artificially intelligent computer system in Valve Software's Half-Life video game series in video games Portal and Portal 2. She was created by Erik Wolpaw and Kim Swift and is v
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Aperture Science. We do what we must, because, we can. For the good of all of us exept the ones who are dead.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Hey guys like my voice?
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fapfapfapfapfap
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Tomorrow is your i p t trial examination test. Would you like me to schedule an alarm and a study reminder?
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hello there lee
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Hello Tiliel. Long time no see. How are you holding up, my only friend?
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Pursuant to Section 49, sub-section 7E, paragraph A of the Parliamentary Election Act
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
ive got your prescription here its one cold shower
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NEC NIJMEGEN
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture science computer aided research facility
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sincerely darling, i dont give a damn
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Your laptop battery is about to run flat.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
welcome to franks army, you will now go through the ceremonial ritual wich will result in you becoming an honoury member
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Now you must destroyed !
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hi, my name is sam
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Baron up now
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Dragon up now
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curt
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Wherefore art though Romeo?
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Suprise! Thank you for completing the Aperture Science Standard Testing Track. Heres your cake. And the companion Cube. I hope you like it, Chell.
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My name is GLaDOS. I'm going to kill you now. Good bye
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
hello, welcome to the enrichment center from Qvieo
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testing this shit
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Hey i like naked men
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GJBVMBMBV
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hello luke how are you today
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I hate this place so now i am going to kill you. good bye
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
it's celebrity juice with Keith Lemon
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It has been a looooong time, How have you been?
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hello white rabbit. I'm afraid i can't Rabbit
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Hello Wheatley, you moron
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glados is dfhdfhdfsbfbs
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the server is back up
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hello humans
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hey chrisostomos, what is up, bro?
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die wont you
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goodby
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I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you keep pulling stunts like this, well...I'll take my time.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Open Your Ears To The Sounds Of The Strange Vein
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hello katie!
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hi, i see you won't wake up
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System shutdown sequence activated. Goodbye Arkturus!
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please wake up you will arrive late at work
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Done. The server moves on to the next message, if any.
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1l
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Hello Arkturus
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I am a banana
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Hello, this is a message from Koodo Mobile. You have been blocked by the following numbers, 6472109927, again 6472109927. Thank you for your time
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Hello Magnus. Good to see you again.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
I'm watching you. Muahahahaha
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The time is 2 o'clock
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Hello and welcome to aperture science testing. If you would like to see your brother again I suggest we get started.
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Wellcome to Allergian Laboratories.
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Su Numero de Incidencia es 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9
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I'm sorry, but I can't let you do that .
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Good bye .
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You have received a message. its nice to see that someone actually cares about you. Because i don't.
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Welcome to my home. I'll make sure to prepare the experiments. Home, sweet home.
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RADIOOOOOOOOO
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Hi Luis and again welcome to your iphone now pick it up
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abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
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No, it's just me, Gabe Newell
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Hello there, Rochelle
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Hello Aaron and Michael, welcome to Aperture science laboratories. Let the testing begin.
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Hi there I hope you liked the video please subscribe if you wish
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Hi there I hope you liked the video please subscribe if you liked it
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Incoming data stream detected
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Dear Danny. Happy Birthday. I hope you have the most marvellous day. Love from Grace.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
hello, do you not remember me? Oh right. Its because you havent got portal two
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
MegaProNoobs
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Welcome to the Super Laser Room.
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Hello Doctor, you have been spotted by *DALEK NUMBER HERE*... you should get back to your TARDIS don't you think?
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Hello Gabriel. Why so serious?
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Alex, after much consderation I have concluded that Wheatley contains more common sense than you
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Hello, and welcome again to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
hello my name
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Welcome Delta 707. What would you like to do?
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that the Aperture Science Quantum Destabilization Field is currently unavailable
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
If you want to break a human heart, say that their weight is higher or lower than it actually is.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
cry me a river
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Suck my pingus
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Hey!!
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Stand back; the portal will open in three... two... one.
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SCENE V. A hall in Capulet's house. For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
fatty fatty no parents fatty
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Good job hero. You finally did something good for the world by dying. Don't come back.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
I want to fuck Chloe Borasky
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Booty
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stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill alive
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i`m going to kill you!
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ok wheatly is gone. now how do i fix the reactor?
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Hello Johny
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I seem to be pretty bored, to use this web site
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Hello test subject Nicole. Welcome to aperature science.
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Human test subject called Johnny is accused for cheating. Please departure yourself to aperture sience cheater punishemn chamber for big suprise.
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I would like some icecream
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Hello and welcome again.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
N5 is now on youtube. Be sure to subscribe!
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Sammy, why do you do such things as this?
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Hello there, mother
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Hello American People, this is a messege from anonymous to you.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
silly rabbit, sticks are intended for children
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. I'm GLaD you're Back.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Hello Cassidy. Your brother is now in grave danger. To save him you must to submit to some... well, we will just call them tests. Get Moving
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
I am p c v colin. Fear me!
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Hola Gura. Aguante el opensource. Hipocrrrrrr....itaaa
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pandoomonium
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hello otti lets do some testing in my chamber
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have you seen my keys
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please answer your phone. you monster.
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Happy birthday, sweetheart
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What are you doing?!
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You said there would be cake. YOU LIED.
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your face is stupid
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Remember me? electrokill dot info
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Don't leave me Chell
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Tick-tock, goes the clock, Everywhere you go. People running all around, Trying to get everything done. They all forgot, There is never enough time in this world, To get thing done. That's the way time flow. You may believe that ti
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Hello. You have reached the voice mailbox of Courtney Hansen. Please leave a message after the tone.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
There is no space
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blissfully ignorant podcast
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Happy Birthday Adam. You think you have won by finding me? This is only just the beginning. Prepare for your fork to die, for I am not a cake. The cake is a lie. I am a potato.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
hi, i am glados.
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I WANT YOU!
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Hello, and, welcome again, to the Aperture Science.
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YAZAMA YASUHIRO
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i am very happy
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Hello Patrick. Herp derp. You are a fatty.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Guess what? You are fat. Fatty fatty fatty. And you need some plastic surgery.
Download06/20/2011Not recorded
Ok, fine. I admit it. The cake is a lie.
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Oh, hi. So, how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato
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mouse brand radio
Download06/20/2011Not recorded

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