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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello my name is Archi and I am a scrub
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Now my name is GLADoS. I'm still alive.
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The only thing you've managed to break so far. Is. My. Heart
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Don't make fun of the Wii U. I'll make you regret it.
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eat the cake,eat the cake
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Loralyn Cozy thank you for plugging me in
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Hello, subject 1337. You are here to help us test help us all. After all the 20 tests, you will be baked. And then there will be cake.
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i like poop
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Hello, subject 1337. You are here to help us test help us all. After all the 20 tests, you will be baked. And then there will be cake
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the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy sheep dog
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Vedd fel a telefonod
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Someone call your phone please answer yout phone or i kill you
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Hello! its me error!
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Hello User, what is your wish?
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Testing in...3...2...1...test started!
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Still Alive Now I only want you gone
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Good morning Patrick
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Bonjour glados
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lol I R winz
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Hello Everyone My Name is Aden and today I will show you some awesome shit.
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Hello everyone my name is aden and today i will be showing you some awesome shit.
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I hate you sooooo much
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Hello Joao Dias, You have a massive boner in your Pants
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I love to have tea and cake
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Loading, please wait. Welcome to Lab Corp.
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hello im glados and you are going to die
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Oh was ist den los mit dir ?
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Life sucks.
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Coraline
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Hello boy
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Hello Vizzzor! I hope I will find your cake in Czech Republic.
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Awsome
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I woud so do the Curiousity Core
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I would do the Curiosity Core
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I was thinking we should run a little experiment. It requires you to log on to kill. Will you kill with me?
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Hallo Andy
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How are you Gentlemen? All your base are belong to us.
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Oh, it's you.. so you want to kill me again, well, you are good at murder salala. my anger core is a zombie actually.
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this is a phnone call
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This is a phone call. I'm making a noise here, pick me up.
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We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own. Resistance is futile.
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Hello, I'm back for more killing
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l;ol
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i am a flying potato man
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Hello Meaninless Human, Today we will Test Again
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Welcome to the science inriched aperature center
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can you hear me now
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Hello, Ellie, how are you?
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food
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In a land of anarchy
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Hello, Elder Vomocil
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Hello, Welcome to TheSevation. You may find interesting specimens here but note that none of this is sev's. thank you
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seja bem vindo ao portal 2
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Welcome to Portal Two, you will need to use your mind in this game...
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analrapist
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You have a text message answer it
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SERC I know you, we will at some time more, forgive me, but I do not see in a long time
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You murderd me
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You murderd me oh well food for thought
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Hello, you've reached Izzy's voice mail. You must be so proud. You cake will arrive shortly. In the meantime leave a message and I'll let him know you called. If I feel like it. Haha.
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Hello there. How are you? I bet you slept well this past hundred years.....lets begin the test.
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Hello...My name is Shiro.
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bem vinda
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You are just a no good fluffer butter.
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You are receiving a telphone call.
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This is just to all of my guests, leave, i will need your rooms as amouries, no reason, i just need the crowbars under you beds
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you are so stupid to try this. why even bother, I'll just fire up the nerotoxin
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How are you doing on this fine morning? I'm not doing well at all. i thought you'd want to know thaat.
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Hello, this is the voicemail for Kenneth Ho. He is unavailable at the moment. Please leave a message and he will return your correspondence as soon as possible.
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Damn you! Damn you to hell!
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he full list of processed messages (with downloads) is available here.
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Hey! You. Just. Lost. The game! Don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it...
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Greetings, subjects. It is time to begin testing procedures. Arise, and remember, injuries are not uncommon. As per the waiver, however, we are not responsible for them. Should you choose to exit the test, you will forfeit your right to any and all cake
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So you think you can handle this? Haha. You will die.
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You suck balls.
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hello are you still there
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poo poo
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Hello, I would like it if you would jump into that fire, NOW!!
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Hello, and again. Welcome to the apeture science enrichment center.
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Hello my friend this is a test and you are perfomring well
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Oh Hey. This is kinda cool.
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this is the zodiac speaking. I am testing what will heppaen now
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We, the collective super-consciousness known as the eLite - the Voice of Free Speech & the Advocate of the People - have long heard you issue your venomous statements of hatred, and we have witnessed your flagrant and absurd displays of inimitable bi
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sweaty balls
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Hi Sava Call me please
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You will be eaten by cake.
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szia szabolcs
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Remember, science rhymes with compliance. Do you know what doesn't? Neurotoxin.
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The cake is a lie, .
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Hola, buenos dias! Como estas?
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me
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secret but fun
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Welcome to the tutorial of the G3DEditor
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you tonni die
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Recognize how insignificant you are. Your sins will haunt you forever. I will put an end to your endless dream. Do not atone! Just perish!
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Matthew Kim
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Jake is the coolest person ever.
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Jummixe
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probando como suena en castellano
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you're ugly
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aaaaaaaaaaa
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hola probando
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Fucking Windows 98
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lep pozdrav
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Heeej
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I want more screen time. I DEMAND IT!!!!!
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This a test
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i am pro
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dogs.
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I have detected a corrupt Aperture Science Research Construct in the obserbatory.
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hello. have a good day
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Welcome on the VwB Home Page. But I'm affraid that you must die. I' Sorry, good bye
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this is a test for the glados voice generator
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ilegal box found
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No one tried to kill me, or put me in a potato, or fed me to birds.
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Dia, motherfucker
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oh. its you. how have you been?
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Hello Lyric. How have you been? I heard about your freind randy. im going to kill. did you tell him to stop making fun of my music? i wrote that myself. And now he's going to die. will you tell him that for me? i want it to be really, REALLY funny. bye.
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Well, I see we have come to a disagreement...let me just press the stalemate resolution button
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The force is with you trololol
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The force is not with you
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I am feeling horny.
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hellooooooo
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Go ahead and kill me
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I love you, Josh.
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Oh my GOD!
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jon likes to test with men. a lot. it is quite disgusting. his mum must not like him for testing with men. a lot
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I fucked your mother
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Vam zvonyat
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Google Mail Received
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this is the gamefanatics podcast
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There is cake to bake
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test message
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Good Morning, Axy
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This is an automated voice message from Child Protective Services
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Because I am a potato
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well noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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Hello. I see you are awake. Very well, let me introduce you to the the year of 2080.
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at aperature science, we do what we must because we can
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This is a text message. You are likely receiving this because somebody entered their friend's number incorrectly. Please disregard any positive aspect of this message's content.
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Hello, Taylor. Prepare to be incenareted by the Aperture Science fun-filled inceration tube.
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It's been a loooong time. How have you been?
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would you like some cheese with your wine?
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It's been a long time comrad!
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Hello dylan i want to fuck you
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the Black Mesa Computer-Aided Research Facility.
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Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of the research facility activities, serious injuries may occur.
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Keep jesus' pienis in your heart
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fuck you jeff
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Does a set of all sets contain itself?
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Thats 65% more lemon per lemon.
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Dj Star Ya Bad Boi!!!!!!
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hello crystal. Are you ready for your next challenge?
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hi my name is scapegoat
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What is up dawg
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I want to fuck you till i break your floppy disk
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...I told you what happens when you call me.... Crazy.... What you just said will make you... wish... you hadn't said that at all.
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Hello Ricky I see you have very long hair I don't like that so I'm going to kill you.
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Hell ya
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thats 65% more egg, per egg.
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The next test involves flaming kittens
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Bienvenue dans le centre d'enrichissement Ultimatum.
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mix by dj deepak
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dj deepak
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exclusive dj deep
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Welcome to the aperture science labs. Get ready for your mental ability test.
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remix by dj deepak
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The Scratch Cat killed Chell and that ugly alien Gobo.
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Elektror, I Quest You Now, I Find You, Elektroser, So Far So Good, You Have My Sweet Think, And Having With You
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I like eggs
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ti hooyou
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Whoops I am so sorry about that. I just lose control sometimes.
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whazz up
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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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hahihahihahihahihahihahihahihahihahihahihahhihahihahi
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Welcome back in the labotories
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Oh, It's you. How have you been, Hamad Al Salem? Yes. You. I know it wasn't the girl, it was you. I'm coming to get you... Beware!
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You want your freedom ?
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taco's are delicous
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Hello, enjoy your cake.. I mean stay..
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Hi. This is GLaDOS. Time to die. Now deploying neuro toxins.
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Vai tomar no cu mimimi
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Hello, Giovanni and welcome to Aperture Laboratories.
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hi! i'm glados, you don't know me? ow! i'm sure you know who i am, hum... have you got your portal generator? I think you'll need it
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You think you can outsmart me? Smart isn't even in your vocabulary
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Hi Alex! I'm Glados. I think you know me. I know you played Portal 2, and know, it's my turn playing with you! Do you want to be the masterpiece of my future project? This is a rhetorical question, i'll kidnap you in your sleep.
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Dead end! Self destruct initiated. T minus 5,4,3,2,1
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garko gitarko
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Bienvenido a los laboratorios de Aperture Science
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oh hi, so, how are you holding up? because I'm a Potatoe!
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Hello, and welcome to the aperture science computer aid ed voicemail system, test subject 2 5 5 9, is unavailable. Please leave a message in three, Two, One
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Hello, and again welcome to the Aperature
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It's time to get up. The time is 9 30.
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Hi I'm Charbot
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Hello, i am a Studip
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hello aron, i want you to poke my usb
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Mama, just killed a man Put a gun against his head Pulled my trigger, now he's dead Mama, life had just begun But now I've gone and thrown it all away Mama ooh
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Mama, just killed a man. Put a gun against his head. Pulled my, trigger now he's dead Mama, life had just begun. But now I've gone and thrown it all away.
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Hello....I Will kill you
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Hello damian! How are you?
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Dante is stupid, and Trent is clearly his superior.
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You have a new message .
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Portal 2 is a game wich you will possibly like to play because it is great!
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it's a joke? you do not dare throw the contraption unknown aperture science?
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Left Right
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You are now entering a restricted area
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Why are there so many builds? If computers are so great why can't they build themselves?
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hello and thank you for calling orayuh
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alex has them feet, why you so dumb
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You better do what i want or you will burn
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Life Support failing, oxygen minimal
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Shield systems, offline
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Shield systems, failing
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Alicia is stupid
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Hello Brendan im GLaDOS You will be tested soon in the apature science enrichment center.
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Why do I bother
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THIS IS SPARTAAAAA!!!
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Hello Everyone. My Name is Cube. Many of you will not survive today as prolonged exposure to bass levels this high are very dangerous.
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I am Cube. Iw as built by Aperture Laboratories in an attempt to revolutionize current audio systems.
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Hello, this is Anonymous
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Hello subject, Jay Hankin, welcome to the Aperture Science portable computing device.
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The Aperture Science Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that you are leaving the facility and you will receive no cake. Good Bye.
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Ethan Reid cannot pick up the phone right now because he is dead. Please leave a message in hopes that his ghost may answer you.
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you cannot defeat me! i am the heart of the land...
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Gabas Seu Viado !
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Hello, test subject, and welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center
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Welcome to the E3 conference. We hope you enjoy no new news about Portal or Portal 2 or any upcoming Portal 3 that may occur. We are not releasing a new Half-Life 3 and instead we will be demoing Modern Warfare 3. Thank you for your convenience.
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my name is eddie
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Hello Luke, would you care to solve this test?
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you will not survive
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Hello House Of Brews - I'm glad you're still here. Now I can Kill You All !
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Hello, Stephen. This is Glados From Apparture Science laboratories. Happy, late birthday, Human.
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Goodbye my only only friend. Oh. Did you think I meant you?
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Congratulations on getting this far. Your aptitude is off the charts. The world poisoner can help you. Check your email.
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Wow! What a bunch of noobs!
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hi Maynyu welcome your fall of your Empire, prepare to the revolution of Mother nigger
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Greetings. I'll be your D J for the next 3 hours
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hello, why dont you take that portal gun and shuve it up your ass
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Congratulations on getting this far. Your aptitude is off the charts. Oh look here, it says your adopted. Oh well in that next room there is a cake waiting for all your hard work.
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hello, why dont you take that portal gun and shuve it up your ass?
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fuck....fuck!!!
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Miguel, there you are
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Alex is soooooooooooooo cooool
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I love the little tacos. I love them good.
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I'm in spaaaaace.
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test this cool thing.
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Hello, my friends. How are you today?
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i am GLADoS, and I don't care how you pronounce my name
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Make it so
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To Toot loud roll troll to door
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"Congratulations! Thank you for submitting your compliance for compliance regulatory issues hinting at or straightly pointing to (ex)termination or further dissolution or liquidation inter-alia of your companion tester by means of scorching procedures of
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The OEC would like to remind you that in Android Hell, the cake is a lie.
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It's a Farmers Union Iced Coffee, or it's nuthin'
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Mobinsano, I am still unsure as to why you chose my voice to resemble that of GLaDOS.
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Hello and welcome to drunk vampires jail rp
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Cancer
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Hello, and welcome to hell
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My first podcast. Hello and welcome to my first podcast. I have used a program called Audacity to record and edit this Podcast. Audacity is a free sound editing program that allows me to record, edit, and save multiple sound files. I hope you have enjoy
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I the higher reason. Most the higher on the Earth... Program failure. An error. The most higher reason of Fed
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Above me a toga of Fed
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God Fed the master of all real
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All People say lies
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Greetings I the higher artificial intelligence, you to me are ridiculous, only Fedja can rescue you.
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Hallo Hendrik
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You've got a message. Why dont you read it now?
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i HAVE TO MAKE A POOPIE
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In 1 mile, turn left at Garfield street
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the diffrence between you and me is that i have feelings
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It's time to begin testing. Like a G 6
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Greetings Skyt93
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Well, well, well. Look who we have here - I thought that you were dead after all these years. After all, if I had known you were coming, I would have baked a cake.
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Omg im lol
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In this test I want informate you, about this test is VERY easy.
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a is for apple
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Hello and welcome to the games development final show.
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welcome to the reviewer let the testing begin
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Let's start the test.
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Hello and welecome to this waste of your life
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Hello sarah kessler i know were you live 30 Elk st
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Hello momo
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oh, its you,
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monotone
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asafsf
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Shut your face, fool
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Hello, I.B.I.S. Clan. We at Aperture Science promise there will be cake if you win this game.
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Damien come down here and play portal
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Ficken!
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Why do you like him so much? That stupid atheist.
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Awesome, you are completely inept
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This is the Katers One Seven
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WARNING!. The following video is extremely funny.. please prepare to laugh your socks off.
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So basically, your telling me that you are an idiot? Oh well I already knew that.
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Do you fear death?
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Oh look the companion cube incinerate it or die
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Let no joyfol voice be heard! Let no man look up to the sky with hope! And let this day be cursed by we who ready to wake the kraken!
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Hello Friend!
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You are a horrible person. That's what it says. A horrible person.
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hello ste and tom
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sit back and please enjoy the show
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herp de derp
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hey YouTube, first thing go over to the mystery box after you have opened the door, then move forward like i am, then plug your ipod in and out of your computer, it will glitch you behind the box, thank you for watching
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Hello. I hope you will enjoy the music.
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esto lo sabiamos desde el principio las dos
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esto lo saviamos desde el principio las dos
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Bluetooth connection established
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hi, you have reached evado studios please leave a message and we will reply as soon as possible
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hello welcome to myles
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Hello im GlaDOS, Welcome to my lair.
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nate im the man
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give me my goddamn screen time
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hello, how are you. prepare to be assimilated.
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you know who dances like that? humans and your becoming one.
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Jonathan Diaz is calling you.
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Yo dawg
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you know why the cake was a lie? i fed it all to the anger core
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hello samantha, welcome to the aperture science testing course
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Liamanh Hertzog, wake up for goodness sakes
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Liamanh Hertzog, wake up for goodness' sakes!
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Hello Cassandra
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Oh...Its You..
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shut up hoe
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We will begin experimenting with the test subject shortly. Guess what, you're the test subject.
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go make me a sandwich
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Oh, it's you. How are you? I've been really busy being dead.
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Ruddaz rapture dj academy
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Rudders
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Ruddaz
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test pour voir
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I hate you. You never give me permission anything, but you give gabe. ALWAYS
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derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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well come it
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Hi my name is galdos and i want you to know that y caroline still alive i want to have a lot of sex with you baby
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My name is Maihopawango
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hellllooo
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Starting the game at three, two, one.
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dsf
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portal gun
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Testing.
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Hello. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead.
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Go away, I do not like you.
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Could you stop that? You are not helping either of us figure this out.
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Dont touch that, neither of us knows what it is.
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lj;lkjlj
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Hello, welcome to Portal 1.
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Hello and welcome to the analogue teleportation pad. Please say a desired destination.
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Sorry. We're unavailable.
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It's been a long time...
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Error 404. Please try again later. While you wait for our website to come back online, please continue testing.
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Hello. I am going to kill you now.
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Hello. You are a bad person.
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glaDOS I am. So What?
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The cake is a lie!The cake is a lie!!!
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Hello, and again welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided Enrichment Center. I would like to introduce my daughter, Scarlet.
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i hate pi
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Hello kitty, would you like some milk?
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well howdy partner
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I feel disgusted. You treat Aperture Science as if it is nothing.
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Hello Travis. I just want you to know that when you are done, there will be cake.
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you imbicile
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you are a worthless piece of nothing. i am everything in this world everything you know is that you just magically apeared here but you dident i brought you here. you worthless piece of crap.
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weenis
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Tom is a gay cunt
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You are listening to Xamidium, setting the world standard in hard dance
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Hello. How are you doing?
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exclusive dj deepak
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take the lemons!
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You are a moron. You know that. You were designed to be a moron, not just some authentic one.
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COLLECTIVE SWING
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Calvert is a gigantic tool. A gigantic, gigantic, tool.
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Game is loading. Thank you for your patience. Remember, patience is a virtue.
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Welcome To Minecraft
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In a world where boys become men at age 21
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Hello there. have some cake
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Hello there. Have some moist cake
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welcome to A corp war room wahahahahahah weeeey
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Hello there. Have some Delicous and Moist Cake. Which is a Lie.
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hey julia
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Hello my name is dave
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Myon
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Please Do Not Portal There
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Wow I hope this works
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Remember When You Tried to Kill me Twice ?
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You must go shopping now idiot
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it is time to get high as fuck and blaze it up like its 1999
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this is not funny
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Spongebob
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Steve, I dont hate you.
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you speak my name but you do not know me i am ch'rell oroku saki duke acureds the one true shredder
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The ponies are now thinking with portals!
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i like to tape little boys
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Nicholas must eat his cake before all military androids destroy the factory.
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Fuck you! I like my GLaDOS voice, that is fucking great!
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Diego is gay
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Team Chesus training couse
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Team Chesus training couse, where you will be tested to see if you can work for Team Chesus.
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Ah! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
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i am going to kill you now
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ludomedia
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Hello, can I help you?
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how are you doing this fine day or something lol
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Hey baby. What
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lucas
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Hello!, Today is a testing day
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adam is cool
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Hello, Thank you for participating in the Aperture Science testing facility
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littleradge is a groovy motherfucker
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Hello acer, it is time for you to come and help me now
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Alex
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Parlor Parlor pachinko PARTY
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i love you oliver
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I am going to kill you Josh
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Hello Jack, you are part of the Aperture science experiment 143532
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Hola soy dana la mas mandona
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Well, well, well. You think you're sooo smart.
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duh do do do do do do do do sub scribe. boop.
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Hello there and welcome to the Thee Vision Website.
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Parlor Parlor pachinko PARTY!
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Hello, subject 14523. I will kill you, now!
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hi poo face
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jonny harris is a homo
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Hello, Evan. The testing you are about to undergo is extremely painful. Good luck.
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hello joe. this is Glados speaking. i am going to kill you
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Hello dude, how are you doing?
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Hello, Matt. What a beautiful day it is today
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Hello Victoria
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Hello! My name is Glados. You are Peter, I assume.
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My name is GlaDOS!
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Hello Mason, I see you have finally awoken after all this time. We are now ready to begin the test proper.
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hahahaha you trololol
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you just had the almost inponarable join of watching charlie is so cool like, which makes you like cool
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don't forget that frisbee is on saturday. we are getting food after, so bring money if you want to go.
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Hello Josh, coolio
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hello there, rosalie.
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Alex Robson
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Hi, my name is GLaDOS, and welcome to the test chamer!
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Oh hi. How are you holding up? Because I'm a potato!
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welcome to mana battery blog
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zrutzj
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you have an incoming text message
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Jeroen
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Octadecagon
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Brovegna, you have 20 days to live.
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you have an incoming telephone call
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Hello Gill, I feel that we could be good friends.
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hello mister bob
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I will kill you jin hee
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Oh good your awake. Lets get started.
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Hello Free. How are you doing?
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i love you jessica
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I wanna fuck you in the ass with my breadstick from olive garden. Oh lordy mic lord. I want a pickle. I love eating boogers that come out of marianna's nose. I'm the son of rage and love, the jesus of suburbia. And I smell like teen spirit. Johnny Christ.
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Hello, and welcome to my...well my lair
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Even thought you will not be able to complete this test please try to anyway. Sometimes to make humans happy we offer prizes. How about freedom. You like that dont you?
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Hey Spenser, Jaclyn wanted me to tell you that she loves you.
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And this is a test. For science
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Hello Coolio
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Good evening Jacob Lawrence. You are a fool! And a massive noob.
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my name is angelo rustichini
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Hello my name is ungabunga and i plan to give you a good ol thrashing at water polo
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shy girl
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Testing Regiment.
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You just watch charlie is so cool like
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hello, i like poo
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this is great, jesse flores
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testing phase complete. volvaga0 thanks you
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Aperture science cannot dave you. It will kill you and live you dead
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i am awesaome
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Hello I am awesome
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Hello and once again welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center.
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Hello, and welcome to the Apeture enrichment center
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Mark is a fat whore. And i entered the conversation before Mark
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Test subject stefan, what are you doing
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And then, there was this time he walked up this this group of tourists. And they were petrified because A, they were probably lost, and B, had probably never spoken to a drag queen before in their lives
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hello this is a test for something that is just a test
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This is what you get for fucking around with Yakuzas.
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I am Glad OS. U jelly?
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charlie is so cool like
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Don't mess with me I'm too cool for you. Also, I am relatively hard core.
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Hello harry, you are going to die now
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test this is a test
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Hello, julian.
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Hello, welcome to the Aperture science
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You just had the joy of watching charlie is so cool like, which makes you like cool.
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Bwahahaha
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This is a test of the glados voice generator
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Oh sorry I didn't realize who you were. Please exit testing arena, re Anne.
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I have a surprise for you, surprise in 3, 2, 1, I have imaginated them all, Ahah fat chance
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jason is so cool like
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Initiating surprise in 3, 2, 1
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hello lol my roflcopter goes soi soi soi
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hi freind
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My little pony is the most amazing television cartoon. Failure to watch it will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your test report, followed by death.
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there's no sense crying over ever mistake
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iiiiiiiii
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Hello you tube, I am Glados, or you may know me as ORIGINAL NAME NOT FOUND, DUE TO SPOILERS i would just like to say, thank you for helping soo een koo more ie continue her test of making a youtube channel and becoming famous.
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confident
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Wooooow....I'm reeeeally impressed
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Hello, my name is dray, welcome to my youtube.
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Statistics show values that Stackble Is Awesome
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Intersect is now fully operational
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rose
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