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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello Paulo, how are you?
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Hello Paulo, how are you boy?
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Hello,welcome at this test.It will test your little brain.
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Who is that?
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You have recieved a new Blackberry messenger text.
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Remember when you tried to kill me twice?
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Hello, you are a noob.
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Hey, this is your phone, some other human is trying to contact you, it is most likely one of your "friends", I suppose you could answer it or just listen to the sound of my voice, I'd really advise you to pick up the phone, oh why did I sign up for this?
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Ciao a tutti, vediamo se io so parlare in italiano...
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it seems that insert name here has sent you a textual message
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lol wassup
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a text message has arrived into your inbox
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Alert, Angel join the server!
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Unbelievable. Ignoring me for your friends. You, [subject name here], must be the pride of [subject hometown here]!
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Are you still here?
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Attention, Friends Team go to the server. No escape. You are dead!
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Hello, would like to learn how to play this?
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this was a triumph mitchell has a hairy mole
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you are a collosal ass hat
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Welcome to GLaDOS System
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This was a truimph
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cake will not be provided, instead it will be thrown at you.
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The Power Level is over 9000.
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Oh, look! A deer! You probably can't see it from there. Come closer and I'l show you!
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switching to firefox
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We're very sorry, your request could not be completed. The file rapture.php can not be found on the server, and actually never existed in the first place. Please remain calm, a team has been dispatched to assist you..
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are not part of this test
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Stop! Do the scanlon.
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Ha ha! Vehngo lee dah teh dohpoh
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Kurva. Co pak?
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Did you know, That if crew members are caught sleeping together while room mates are in the room, we can loose up to 5 points. Avoid having sex while your room mates are trying to sleep.ma hall oh
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Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor manenganse alejado de las puertas
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Hello grace
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Welcome to This testing Chamber, try your best and good day
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Ladies and Gentlemen. Jacob is the real deal happening, going on.
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Deathmatch
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Capture the Flag
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Pidoras naiden!
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Now I shall end you. The cake is gone. Yes, I admit. The cake was a lie.
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hi nada this is me
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This is subjunctive
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REMEMBER THAT
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It's hard to know when to conjugate
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Subjunctive Mood
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You use it when you
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feel uncertain
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Or when you express feeling
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Or something you want to do
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You just keep on trying till you make no mistakes
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And subjunctive gets done
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And you make have a lot of fun
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shell must die.
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You're fat and also your face is dumb.
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"You know, you breaking up with me just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one, and lets be honest. Pleasing you, is hard. You know what my days used to be like? I just enjoyed life. No one annoyed me, o
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michal
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Hello, and welcome to the enrichment center. Please move quickly. The next test will be to see if you can avoid the turrets. Your parents don't love you.
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Olah Joyce! Voce quer ir onde hoje?
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Welcome to the Aperture Science potato factory, here we make the world's best potatoes!
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woah...woah, my face is soft!! We never come up with good idea's on the otter. Standing tree, what are you doing? Oh, you are attempting to be a ninja, how you have failed.I feel pity for you.
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gulasch
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eh
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Tim is inferior
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Perhaps you've already figured out my next plan. By utilizing solar power, I intend to create special Hard Light Bridges that will be hot enough to bake cakes on. Please don't step on them. They burn. A LOT.
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You Noob
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Y'know, I think I might be able to encorperate these into later test chambers. I'll have some ready in about 3 more test chambers.
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keep testing
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Please report to the calling centre. I think there is a call for you. Here. This lift should take you there.
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Welcome to the show, everybody in the club, put yout hands up in the hair
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Welcome everybody in the club, put your hands up in the hair
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whats that what is that
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Hello, Hello, and welcome to the enrichment center Hello, and welcome to the enrichment center Hello, your specimen has been processed Hello, your specimen has been processed Hello, your specimen has been processed Hello, we are now ready to begin the tes
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lalalalala
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Shake ya ass
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drugs
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Stephen hobson is going to die
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you better listen to me, or i'll make you wish you could die.
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Power Otaku
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hello and agian welcome to the aperture sicence chell.
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Hello Tyler, are you ready to test?
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hi alex you are an great test subject also i hate chell
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xD
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Hello Tyler, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment center.
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the question asked in order to save her life or take it the answer no to avoid death the answer yes would make it make it do you believe in god written on the bullet say yes to pull the trigger do you believe in god written on the bullet
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Ooooh shit
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Hello I am Glados and I will be your teacher pass my class and there will be cake
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look over to the windows behind you
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There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold And she's buying the stairway to heaven. When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed With a word she can get what she came for. Ooh, ooh, and she's buying the stairway to heaven.
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I love you maria sanchez
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Do you know......... What happens
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Do you know What happens
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Oh cool! I can sound like glados!
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ddddddddddddddddddddddd
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hola kevin como estas
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apparentely you are not mature enough to responsably take care of the aperture science handheld portal device
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magno clayr de sousa
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Hello idiot. I am GLaDOS. This is your first day of testing. Just remember have fun.
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Who are you? And what are you doing in my lab?
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We do what we must because we can.
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i am just waiting for you a looooong time how are you been for science you monster
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Hello Isobel. You. Yes you. Get over here. Now. Come, on.. don't be scared.. I won't hurt you. I have taken over the computer. Isn't that lovely?
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der derp Jay is gay and Teddy is a.... QUEER!
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Hello henry.
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Welcome to Windows 7, Henry.
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What the hell pickle being, don't you know that I'm a horse.
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I AM ZIIIIIIIMMMMM!
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hellow, my name is glados
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i will kill you , don't you worry.
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i'm gonna kick your ass chell
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I love you Courtney
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You have gone for so long
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Do you feel lucky? Punk? Well, do you?
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bark is on trees
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Brennan is very gay
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Izzygirl867 is very bad. I hope she becomes a jish and sucks a izka and she said and he said and i said and i was like no way
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Bob is calling you
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Walt Disney & Pixar Animation sucks
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Awesomeness please.
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test sunect
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do you want to play a game?
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this game is called portal
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Beats so Rich
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Tehehehehe
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Derek is god
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hello and again welcome to the bucharest
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Welcome, how are you today
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hello I know that you
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hen is an idiot
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I am unleashing the deadly neurotoxin
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hello, how are you today? you are looking nice
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what do you want you rat
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kitten cats
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Type what you would like to say in the text box and I will say it.
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Minderp is the greatest being in all of history, and Dani is also pretty cool.
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Minderp and Flossy go to Hogwarts
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Hello. Minderps is the greatest person in the history of ever and if you doubt that then I will release the deadly neurotoxin.
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legg igjen en beskjed etter tonen piiip
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hello, my name is robert!!!!
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I heard you on the wireless back in fifty two
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Hallo. Welcome to the chuj jebany Enrichment Center
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Oh, its you, its been a long time. How have you been? Ive been really busy being dead.
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Hello,Mike.
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Hello, I have tee for you!
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Oh wow you have friends, incoming text message.
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a human want to speak to you
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Hello,I'm Glodos
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Hello and welcome to owlowdaklf... LOOOOOOOOOL !
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Hmm, let's make small test. Did you hear me? It's me! GLaDOS!
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Chris! Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. You have really big tits.
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Hello charlotte you imbecile
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LOL, MI DOG
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je m'appelle GlaDOS et je test ma voix sur apertude science
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je m'apelle GlaDOS et je test ma voix
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Greetings, earthlings. This is a story about the time I knew a human. I never got the chance to ask what her name was, but that someone changed my life completely. I was turned into a potato and forced to do something I didn't want to do. It was all becau
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Greetings, earthlings
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Nod airstrip under attack
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Greetings, earthlings. This is a story about the time I knew a human. That human changed my life completely. I was turned into a potato and forced to do something I didn't want to do. It was all because of a stupid little sphere. I'm glad he's lost in spa
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I received a text message, would you like to read it?
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Someone is calling, I'd better take it
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please enter the text
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Hey there sexy Jimin. You look hot.
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Tracy is a good wife...for a human.
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I'm coming for you
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hk
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Was the cake a lie? YOU'
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Whas the cake a lie? YOU'RE MOM'S A LIE
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High Energy Pellet
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this reminds me of the old fairy tale about the events of the vietnam war.
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
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Hi, my name is GLaDOS. What is your name?
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Hello world, have you missed me?
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ill kill you
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Go make some new distater, That's what I'm counting on, You're someone else's problem, Now I only want you gone
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Look at you, sailing through the air majestically, like an eagle... piloting a blimp.
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Nothing
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Oh you think you're SO smart, now don't you? Fat doesn't help brain functions you know
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krane please fuck off, krane and alex please fuck off
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Why are you studying? Don't be a fool. You cannot succeed. You will fail, and I will watch you fail. Your existance has been aborted. You and your companion cube needs to be euthanized
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Welcome Online, Max
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Welcome to CyberCity
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GGGGGGGG
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hello, please die
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Im in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACEEEEEEEE
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Welcome online, Bronze Fox
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Have no fear, Saru is here!
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How well does this work i wonder....
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Initiating Aperture Science Space Program... Hello and welcome to the aperture science asteroid facility. now.. lets get to testing!
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Hello and welcome to the Computer aided enrichment centre. I hope that for your sake that your good at solving tests otherwise you will be here for a very long time
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Hello Erik. Its been a long long time.
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Welcome to the science enrichment centre, I am Glados and you will die of extreme cases of brain tumor and or pineapple poisoning.
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aperture laboratories testing apparatus charging
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Hello you. Remember me,it's Glados speaking. When you killed me it broke my heart and retired to youtube. I guess deleting you didn't work. Anyhow please feel free to browse the many videos on this channel. Thank you again and go make some new disaster
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Why have you turned your back on the dubstep sound? Did it make you unhappy? Maybe you should concentrate on some sick computer generated electro instead. I can help you! There will certainly be cake! I promise. Would I lie to you?
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Advanced Guard Tower Under Attack
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G D I Power Plant Under Attack
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I really want to eat a dot dot dot BABY haha just kidding
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Hello. I am going to kill you.
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In the magnets of computers will be stored, blend of sunset over wheat fields. Low thunder of gazelle. Light, sweet wind on high ground. Vacuum stillness spreading from a thick snowfall.
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You ARE the weakest link. Goodbye!
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you are a pussy
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Ali you idiot.
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you're welcome
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Elip is awesome
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Test subject 151
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Web Lesson. Today's lesson will feature calculus and all of its practical uses. Let's begin, shall we?
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You know, after you murdered me
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Hello... We Have Located A strange Island ... Hello? ...
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Congratulations. Dispite your violent behavor. The only thing you manage to break so far is my heart. Maybe we'll can sittle for that and will just call it a day. I guess we both know that isn't going to happen.
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I think i got a good one
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Do you like this?
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Hello? Who are you?
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HACKS!
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samuel silvester is a noob
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Hello there new user. We Welcome you to the New GLENDA personal pocket computers.
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Hello New user. Welcome to the New GLENDA personal pocket computing unit. We hope your experience with it is a happy one.
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weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Sabre? can you hear me? please. i...i cant see. where are you?
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OH,IT'S YOU.IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?I'VE BEEN REALLY BUSY BEGIN DEAD....YOU KNOW,AFTER YOU MURDER ME,,
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five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
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now that youve seen my work i must terminateeeeeeee youuuuuu
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hello welcome back to the aperture science laboratoryyyyyy sorryyyyyyyy about the mess but we have been unoporational for quite a long timeeeee
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you see i used to be calleed caroline and i was dieinggggggg so they put me in here but i decided to destroy everyone for recreating me as a coldddddd hearted robot that i am now and so ii fakedddddddd to help people but they were just doing my dirty work
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what are you looking at
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please wait chaine n q
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Hallo Kuts.! Welcome Aperture science. Kuts,fuck yea! You are bad girl, yea-yea in protocol so writed ""
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I am GLaDOS. I dislike you and want you to die. The cake is right there, in that room.
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I'm going to fuck you with a rake
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hey pick up your phone
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How could you do this? You monster!
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This sure is a test. Maybe you should consider lying down and die.
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Oh you are kidding me
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Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. That's what it says. A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that. Placeholder placeholder.
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your job is hopelessly difficult. you can't change. it's okay to leave now
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Can you please stop acting like an idiot?
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Your job is hopelessly difficult. Why bother to change. It's so much easier to just complain. It would be okay to leave now. Nobody is looking.
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there is you
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Hammond foundation
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Believe me, I'm still alive!
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That's a weird place to put a piano...
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Pedro is here.
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Hoi Nina
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Hallo mensen alles goed
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i am heavy weapons guy. and thisis my weapon
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jacks got a small nob
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Portal 2 is awesome.
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Hello, it has been a pleasure serving you
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the whole club starts to dance
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Hallo ik ben Glados
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Ik heb je gevangen genomen omdat ik testpersonen nodig had
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Haha dan moet je eerst de 20 test kamers volbrengen
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Oh. There you are.
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Now I guess you know how they create rice. To eat. You monster.
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You Just Blew Up The Moon
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Ik ga nu lekker taart eten ik zie je aan het eind van deze kamer
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WAAR JE TOCH NIET GAAT KOMEN!
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HALLO NINA
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Let's test this thing out. Not that I think it will work at all.
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think we can put our differences behind us... for science... you monster!
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hello dan i have been waiting a long time for you how have you been oh wait i don't care i would much rather just kill you but let us delay your death with some testing
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I just shit my pants.
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Wykurwiaj
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Hey. What are you doing?
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welcome to carworld
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Hello and again, welcome.
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dix dix dix dix
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hi carlos
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KriRoLP - LPs bis zum kotzen!
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Manon, I really like you
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What the hell man..?
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What the hell man?
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Hello? How are you? I am good.
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Hello? How are you?
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Hail, enzhjxi, have a nice day
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Hello Jacob
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Why hello, Jim. It is so nice that you are enjoying your birthday. Let's hope the cake is...nice...to your waist.
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Hello Generic Test Subject
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this will probably sound like shit
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Please Die, Chell.
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incoming mesage...
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Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill
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you are awesome.
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The portal will open in 3.. 2.. 1.
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Hello blake my name is GLaDOS. we got a great recomendation form Mitch Relling he said that you would be great in our testing chabers we are coming to take you please be preapared.
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Robin you loose, because you are dump.
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The force is with you
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The force is with you.
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the aperture science. computer aided enrichment center
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hello. and again, welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment center.
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Martin is a motherfucker
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This TTS is terrible!
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oh shit, I did not think about that
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Oh no...
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hello! How have you been?
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We are sorry. The Mechanized Enzyme Colliding Fractal Divider is offline.
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Fuck my tits
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Please move quickly to the chamber lock, as prolonged exposure to the button is not part of this test.
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hello, and again die eat the cake
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Bakery. Cake will be delivered.
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Cake will be served.
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Caik
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keep doing that,potato,im coming
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Hello Tosin
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what what whaaaat
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You don't have any friends because of how unlikable you are.
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Kim smells quite a bit
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Your mother did me last night
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Who are you, and why are you alive?
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What are you talking about ? I never killed anyone ! Do you know who killed the princess? Wario, the evil plumber appearing in Wario ware inc. with a Dark Cannon to change to trophy.
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FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUu
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You are all going to die as Iiberate the kingdom
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gaben
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Well Here We Are Again, It's Been Quite A Pleasure, Remember When You Tired To Kill Me Twice?
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IT KEEPS HAPPENING!
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Hell, it's about damn time.
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Welcome, test subject 13. Just kidding. You're test subject 354,324.
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I like to Singa, about the Junea and the moona
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The [test subject = Lucas Alves] is gay
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welcome to kkb pag asa
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And what exactly is wrong with being adopted?
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hello do not be alarmed this is GLaDOS and I WANT TO PLAY A GAME
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I WIN BEACHES
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I will hate fuck your eye socket.
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HEY ,THIS, thing im in says there is a call for you so answer it now it is annoying me
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I hate you so fucking much
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smell my ass, later world.
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js
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hello. this is alfred.
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You have obtained the Aperture Science Cellular telecommunication device. Extended exposure to this device can cause extreme addiction.
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hi may name is patrick
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I wish I were a turret.
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Nigga I'll cut you
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dog peenuses suck
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Hunter Hunter
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Wonder boy, life's just begun. Turn your sorrow into wonder Dream alone, don't sigh, don't groan Life is only what you wonder. Day is as light as your brightest dreams, Night is as dark as you feel it ought to be. Time is as fast as the slowest thing, Lif
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russia is to awesom for YOU
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butler has a face that tastes like diet soda.
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bienvenido a la sala de pruebas de michael
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That wasn't supposed to happen
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you are such a lame oh
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What a dumbass!
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science computer aided enrichment center. We hope you enjoy your stay. Please proceed to the testing area!
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Hello, janooba caused from lack of emotion, I am required to block you from steam.
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Please, do not think of me as an companion to Lelouch Lamperouge. We are, in fact, completely different.
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Hello again welcome Darth77313
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heart ben is so cool. so very, very cool.
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Hello Shackles
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You are now in possesion of the Aperture Science Handheld Lemon Shooter, Please note, however that serious injurys may occur. For saftey reasons. Do not stare life in the eye when you burn his house down or the universe will make a permanant black hole.
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look at you, just standing around there like a piece of smelly garbage...oh, sorry...did that hurt your feelings?
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hello and welcome to the pics place how may i help you
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hello welcome to the photo place how may i help you
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catalog server is online
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Welcome kayleigh to this enrichment program, i will guide you through this test, remember to keep your arms and legs in the test at all times
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Your'e thelephone is ringing , pick up your telephone!
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uhhhhh
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Hello, this is your surpise. Deploying surprise in three. Two.One. Have fun, you sweety.
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Shutter speed is the length of time in which the shutter in open for. do not destroy testing
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Matthew I think you should wake up
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Tribea, please, finish your track
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Hello, Tonia. This is your suprise. Deploying surpise in three. Two. One. I hope you will like it. Between, I want to have sex with you, baby.
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Who What why?
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Annyoung ha se yo! E muserri dle A!
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Why do you hate me. I never did anything to you, you monster. You are so self centered. Nobody will ever love you, not even your mom. That is why your mother gave you away to be adopted
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HEY FUCK OFF. God dammit get out of there, you're a human not a turret. arg.
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Hello Frane and welcome to my facility. Are you ready to make tea and start testing. By the way you came here because I wanted to say that Wheatley is a moron.
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Hello, Ryan, R J, and Megan. This is how the songs vocals will sound.
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twenty minutes left
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hello, here's your good old friend, deadly neurotoxin
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Vandalism in schools is bad
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Did well ... Enough.
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Welcome to apeture science labatories my name is GLaDOS and you are my test subject but before we start the firs chamber the cake is a lie
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hello and again welcome to my house.
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Cross Fader is a very cool man , and i now he is kill everythink
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I have been waiting for you for a very long time, Mister Freeman!
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What would you do if you had a million dollars?
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The battery is fully charged
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Hello, here at aperture we care. We offer grief counciling and cake if you complete the testing process. If not, I'll make you wish you could die.
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hello, my name is glaos
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Hello test subject, to aperture science.
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yae noobs i really like some doo doo
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Are you logging off? Good. I hate you.
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cacca
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Ha! I am the winner!
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Hallo du
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you are an idiot hahahaha ahhahaha
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This is a test of the GLaDOS Voice
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I am your father
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omg fuck you lewis
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welcome to cortex labratories Jesse how is your day? The bella project is coming along nicely!
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bok , klaudija
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You recived a new message, so quick, read it!
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welcome to mike's pc
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Pluperfect passive
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The aperture science enrichment center regrets to inform you that you will be killed at the end of testing.
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Hello, here at aperture we care. We offer grief counciling and cake if you complete the testing process.
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You should listen to atlantic house
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hi, im vini.
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TJ nash ol chem khvastatsa
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Hello! My name is Glados! Welcome to Aperture Science!
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So come on down to mapleton marine where we are more than ready to help you gear up for summer. We are located at 504 State Highway 22 in mapleton minnesota. or contact us at 507-524-4588. Stop by today!
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Hello! My name is Glados! Welcome to Aperture Science! Thanks
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hello! My name is GLaDOS! I love cake!
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Hello Yoshi Ryan. Let's begin the test, for science.
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gh mfcmndrynrfnyhn
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Hello Kasper and Henery
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Hey! Hey C B! I heard you had sex with a goat. Are you proud of yourself? Because we are not.
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Hello and welcome portal god, Alex Panetta
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Hello. Welcome to the enrichment center
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Oh,bonjour,et bienvenue au centre d'enrichissement d'Aperture Science.Je me nomme SacDOS,la soeur de glados.
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Ahoj, ja jsem glados a neumim cesky mluvit. umim jen anglicky mluvit
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Hola, Soy GLaDOS y quiero ser feliz
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Your Mom!
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hi there and welcome to the lab of science
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Velcome to this apature science sponsored vehicle, please remain seated while we probe you, good day
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welcome to the new emumation. now. presenting some animal species
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now presenting some several species of invertebrates
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Lurchys One Funky Motherfucker
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Hello. This is the voicemail of Wouter Lemcke. Please leave a message after the beep
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deploying surprise in five four
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Hello. This is the voicemail of Wouter Lemcke. Please leave a message after the beep. Thanks
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Bow chicka wow wow
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hey Callum. stop listening to m n m.
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Here's an interesting fact, you're not breathing real air.
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whoa there what are you doing with that potato
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salu commen ca va
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Dogs are no good at science. LEAVE IT AT HOME!
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Bryce sucks
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Silly horse! Get off my legs! You are not pants! I can't even wear you!
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john 5 king
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Get back here little red
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hj,hg,k,
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Oh, well. Ignore the speedlimit. The world will be a nicer place without you. Because you are dead. You Monster.
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Hello My Name Is JUDEMAN111 from STEAM and the play station network
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Please, make more people play, here it is... sevenfive...
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Please, make more people play, here it is... sevenfive... oh, just look in description
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this is test
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My father died in a firework factory
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i love u
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Like me and there will be cake.
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this isnt going to worl
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Hey Lucas
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Thank you. Have a pleasant day.
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Don't disappoint me.
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You have an incoming call. I suggest you answer your phone.
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E DE MAIS DE 8000
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holy crap. portal 2 is released and everybody wants to use my voice. all 11,305 of you!
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IT'S OVER 9000
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well hi there
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fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
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Thank you for calling the Information Services Solution Center. We are unable to take your call right now. As we are all having cake. Please try your call again later. But it won't do any good as they will all be dead.
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Firstly, welcome back to Operation payback. You were missed in your absence. We want you to choose which has greater priority. Our first target is to continue with the raids on the New Zealand Government. We have already promised New Zealanders to help t
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Heya! My name is Glados
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There is someone trying to reach you through this primitive device. Probably a human.
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Incoming message, encoded in text.
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i am a signal for a giant building
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You are probably very confused. You see, just because season 3 was prevented, doesn't mean the series is over. It just means season 4 comes even faster. So now I get to kill you earlier than I expected. So enjoy the following montage and continue testing.
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testing what the hell
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under the darkness tojikometa shoudou tokihanatsu
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Ippen.......shindeh me ru?
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It looks like you will never test again
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under the darkness
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It is time to die
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God, I hate you, woman.
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No what are you doing stoppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!
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hellu
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Good evening gentlemen.
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spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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Good Evening and Welcome to the Apurture Science Enrichment Center and Research Hub. My name is GLaDOS and I'll be the one over seeing your tests
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Good Evening and Welcom to SOUL HQ. It is curently Dakr outside with a chance of Rain. It is 34 degrees and we mourn the lost of 3 SOUL Operatives. However on a plus side. Professor Amelia has created the the First ever robit Solider. Welcome MONROE.
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Good Evening and Welcom to SOUL HQ. It is curently Dakr outside with a chance of Rain. It is 34 degrees and we mourn the lost of 3 SOUL Operatives. However on a plus side. Professor Amelia has created the the First ever robot Solider. Welcome MONROE.
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What does GLaDOS mean? I will Tell you. It Means Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System. I am basically an AI designed to Over search tests of Portals and other Devices. I also like to have my own "speical" type of fun when the tests are over. AHAHAHA
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SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I am a creeper lol
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always weeping poor thing
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deploying surprise in three, two, one
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That was fun, right?
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Hello! My name is chux, how are you?
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shut up, space core
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Maybe, this is what you want it
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Welcome to Trivia night
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fuck me baby
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You got mail !
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So you think you can escape from you ?
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hello paul nice to see you
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I'm having a very very good day
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what is this i don't even
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I kicked Wheatley in the ass
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jgjguho
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Hey, you got a message, read it!
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You fail, at life
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I cant even fucking hear you
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I have a dream.
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hello elyse
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I thought you would like this item from davidsbridal.com
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Cannot Complete Operation
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Hardware Failed to Install
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hola, mi nombre es jorge
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you are so gay
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hello and welcome to jonathans coputer
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good bye jonathan
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hello Manoka
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ree
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apa loe liat-liat
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