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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
i like cakes i heart cakes
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glados, hello! my name is Dany! I love you! fuck you bich!
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dqazdqzdq
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good bye mi only friends
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The phone is ringing, please answer the phone
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My Name is PowerLi , I am handsome.
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Sean, why are you still talking? Stop it, now...
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first we will help you then we will take your companion cube and incinerate it then you will die
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A relationship is built upon two people. mainly a girl and a boy
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hello i am glad to see you, so i can kill you
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hello, i am glad to see you, so i can kill you
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Hola tony como estas, buenos dias
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You skip school. Thanks to Karma, you get hit by a car.
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You skip school. Thanks to Karma, you get hit by a car. Sorry.
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incoming text message please read before i permanently dissable your iphone
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how do you do
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Hello, answer your phone. You have a text message, which is strange because you do not have any friends. That is right no friends, not even the companion cube likes you
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Are you a good man?
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deine mutter die fette sau sinkt und hat inen bart naja okay that was a joke haha gechanced
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JC does not wish to speak with you. Please leave a message.
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If it the results are interesting, we'll learn a lot.
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Hello dad. Want cake?
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You have been detected as a virus and must now be permanently teminated.
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Oh good, there you are.
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Congratulations, you have just received a new text message, it is a shame you will die before you get the chance to read it
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You are an idiot...
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who do you think you are anyway? Chell? there is no way you will survive this test.
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You have text! Free and delicious text! Not a lie!
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Hello Andrew, welcome to the Aperature Science computer aided enrichment center
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GLaDOS version zero point one alpha testing. Aperture Science copyright 1982.
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Hallo Oliver
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spaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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Activating all main systems...
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hello, aperture science
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Your head looks like shit
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Please stop testing
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Toby sucks
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Life used to be so simple, no one tried to murder me, or turn me into a potato or feed me to birds
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hello pryce
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Toby is a douche bag
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Trolololololololololololololo
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Hello Mark Good, did you think the testing was over? You must enter the test chamber now with your friend Mark B.
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Enter chamber at the bottom of the stairs. There, you will be murde-- I mean served cake.
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Hello Mark Good, did you think the testing was over? You must enter the test chamber with your friend Mark B
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Oh. There you are. It's been a loong time.
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What are you going to do?
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I am sorry Dave. You Know I cannot proceed to your resquest.
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Oh man, another guy testing this app, I hate them.
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Unbelievable. You, Doug K, must be the pride of Syandus
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Zeh..... Seu Maneh
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What is your name?
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who shot me?
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Mr Foxy huh? DJ Wheelybin huh? They are all human, and humans will die, but I will not. Something to think about, isn't it
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Access denied.
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Hello, and again w NOOOO IT"S DOWN
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FCC
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You have got a new SMS
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Hello,how are you doing today?
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Oh. You think that will get you cake? I think not.
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Hello, sir.
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Why u no love me
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How are you holding up? BECAUSE I AM A POTATO!
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Shutting down operative system. Goodbye
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That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it. Wait, that thing is your face.
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Your face is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub that thing all over it.
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Two plus two is f-f-f-f... ten. ...in base four; I'm fine!
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get more subs than charlie, than we'll talk
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oh how are you holding up becuse im a potato
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Minecraft in 3d
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turkey
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your were abandoned as a child
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Hello. I am the oracle. You may ask me any question.
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Hello. I am Sebastien from France. You are a maggot.
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Hello cassie we will be testing today. Dont you love testing? There will be cake.
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Hello Fred. You are a monster.
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Hello, you are watching Sooty 4 3 2
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This is a triump. I'm making a note here, huge success. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
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Hello, Jordon Wii. I would like to inform you that you have been selected to test in the Aperture Science testing facilities.
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Your father would not approve.
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you'll never be free
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Happpy birthday Lexi. From mom, steve, nigel, and fuggles.
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Testing Hello?
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hole
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Voicemail detected Oh, someone actually cares. Not that I do.
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I love Your mom
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Go back to ravenhohlm
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I spank donkies
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Text message detected Oh, someone actually cares. Not that I do.
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Hello Kate, Shawn, and filters.
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Hey I love your mom!
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Is your body from mcdonalds because i'm loving it!!
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I have a mouthful of skittles. do you want to taste the rainbow?
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That's what she said!
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Your momma
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Do you see that thing that just fell out of me? What is That?
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hello there do you like pie
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Hello, I am a Bear. Is that a problem, Walky troll?
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A bitter, unlikeable loner. whose passing shall not be mourned.
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science cooperative test chamber begin in three two one
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aperture science wish you good luck
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welcome, have a drink, take a shit, fuck a friend and enjoy the show.
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Incoming aperture science automated text message
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hello i am not of a sound mind at the moment but if you leave a message i will get wait no i wont
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the cake is not a lie oh and btw isha do your homework
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i am not of a sound mind right now nor a mind of rational thought so dont bother leaving me a message however if it does become sound then i will return your call but since no message was left how do i know you called
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test omg omg
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Please silence cell phones and pagers. Flash photography and recording devices are prohibited. Exits are located to either side of the stage and through the lobby. In the event of an emergency, please use the nearest exit and move away from the building.
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Hello and again, you were chosen by the aperture science to test our inventions
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What do you get when you let your heart win, oh oh oh oh oooooh oh
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Happy Birthday! You Rock!
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Happy New Year!
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Happy new year
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Donovan is a beast!
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I used to wonder what friendship could be, till you Chell shared it's magic with me.
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Cake tastes good.
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the weighted companion cube will never theaten to stab you, and, in fact, cannot speak.
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Screw it.
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Ow! Ow! It burns!
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Hello, again, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
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Please be sure to silence cell phones and pagers. Flash photography and recording devices are prohibited. Exits are located to either side of the stage and through the lobby. In the event of an emergency, please use the nearest exit and move away fro
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Hello Bryan. I hope you enjoy the neurotoxin
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hey jack wanna kill all humans
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Jack, Will you marry me? Jk go die
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This is a french toast eighth prodution
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Oh my god, it's all broken.
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Human Enrichment Center.
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apature science does what we do because we can
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Where is my hairbrush?
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hello there. I am Glados. Let me introduce to you Ryan Moriyama.
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Perfect; I have been trying for some time.
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hello there. I am Glados. Let me introduce to you Ryan Moriyama. fuck you!
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You will be missed
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test omg omg zfzg
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That is probably the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You should leave that hobo alone. Then again, humans have a natural penchant to violence. I consider that a weakness.
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welcome to nuclear integration corp.
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welcome to nuclear integration corp. The number 1 nuclear research facility in the world.
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Hello Brock, test subject 1337. You file report indicates you are ready to test. Potato
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What are you doing? Don't press that button!!!! The cake is a lie! Despite our past, I think we could put our differences aside. For science. You monster.
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HHAAARRRRRRRRR. The cake is a lie mike. The cake, is a lie.
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YOU ARE DUMB
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Pasta! PASTA!!! :D
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Fatih Shaffner
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Why would I kill you? It's not like I hate you or anything.
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It seems like you are having a birthday. Wonderful. Every single one matters so much when you live for such a short time, doesn't it?
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Fuck you, Hydro. It is time to test!
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I want cake.
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hello my name is glados and this is a voice synthesizer
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With science
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I am Seven, Alpha and Omega.
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Are You kidding?
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computer aan
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Do you like kittens? I do. They don't betray you and destroy your... Life.
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You know, the sound of ringing can be quite annoying to you humans. I wouldn't know, though.
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Voce aqui de novo ?
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Hello. Welcome to StrangeMinds.
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Hi Prop how are you today i am feeling fine
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Touch screen controller
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hello, how are you today ?
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Hello floriaan. how are you? im good
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lololololololol
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Trololololol
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You are going to die
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Scott, you really have to stop messing around making tea like that. Sort yourself out.
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Why did you alt-tab? You need to grind harder.
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hi you coming this laboratory
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Oh. Its you. Its been a long time. How have you been?
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Hello I am Glados. The Enrichment Center welcomes you to the first test were YOU WILL BE KILLED! Rest assured, you will have a party and there will be cake... if you SURVIVE.
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This is remix
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The Enrichment Center welcomes you to this next test were you will DIE! Rest assured, you will have a party with cake if you survive this next test. Oh and I forgot to mention that THE CAKE IS A LIE!
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Oh its you Chell, it has been a really long time since you MURDURED ME! Well we have said a lot of things that you would regret but let's put our differences behind us for science... you monster.
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hello how are you well I feel bad after that surprise
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hola nacht der untoten kino der toten der riese verruckt shi no numa.
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United dancers
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The Gairan United Dancers
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I tryed LSD when I was eleven
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hello, arthur
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Proceed to the next test chamber
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bercik ty kutafonie
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bercik ty kutafonie zafajdany
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mila zadrik spat pora
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Lamp Oil. Rope. Bombs! You want it?
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I know this is not an Ubuntu specific topic but feel someone might know how to fix easily.
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Suck my ball cracker!
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No flash photography
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these sheep have free roam over the big fields
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Oh, great. The neurotoxin generator is broken again. I should probably get those builders to install those emancipation grills so no one can redirect the laser.
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That reminds me. Why is ther a laser in the same chamber as the neurotoxin generator in the first place!? Reminds me of that faulty door mainframe...
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Ugh. Evil Otto got me again. Playing Berzerk is a lot harder than it looks. How do other gamers put up with that crazy smiley face!? Oh, I guess there are different game modes. Let me adjust the settings...
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New assembly line assembled. Now activating Neo Turret production...
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This message is for Kelly Small. It is the legal department from Ipsos inquiring about confidential documents that are in your possession. If we do not receive them, we will have to take further action.
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mai roflcopter
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Hello HELLO
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Well. Aren't you special. Do you think you are? Well you aren't! Go cry to your parents... Oh, wait. You don't have any parents. Because you're an orphan. How sad.
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attention please i am a whore
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I am an attention whore
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wow, he can talk for hours without taking a breath and go on and on and on
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benjamin is not available for the moment please leave your name and number after the bip your call will be return at the earliest convinient
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Benjamin Schleider is not available please leave a your name and number after the bip your call will be return at the earliest convenient
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It's been a loong time
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its been a long time, sectario
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hello regan
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Hello evan.
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Excuse me?
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Hi there Ali! Get well soon so you get get me out of this potato...
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the vital aparatas vent will deliver a weighted companion cube in 3. 2. 1.
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you should eat cake
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I smell of chicken breast somehow. I have no idea how this could work, because I am a robot. Maybe I should try some links deodarant. Would that work on metal? I guess there is only one way to find out. Ouch. My fucking eye. Balls.
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say hello to your old friend
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I've been alone for a long time. Why is it then, that I feel like my heart is breaking?
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Well here we are again. It's always such a pleasure. Remember when you tried to kill me twice?
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When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons!
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Hola Nicolas
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George, what are you doing?
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Dont go hoohaa with the booba
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sam i hope you like it in here because you are staying for a very veery long time
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oh, that's so fun ... really, not
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i have a beard
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Bonjour, et bienvenue au centre d'enrichissement d'Aperture Science
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ciao a tutti
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Hahaha!You have been fooled by my huge motherboarfshrfibgsdifugvsdfifdsyugsdifgvsiufv
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If you didn't even see that coming, then I'm assuming that you don't even know the first thing about me. After all the time we were fighting... Did you really think I'd help you again so easily?
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Chell you will test today
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Chell you will test today, with cell phones
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Considering the circumstances, I've been far too nice about this. I suppose I should remind you that you were never to return. What could you possibly want this time?
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I am the best player.
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Talkative all of the sudden, are we? Do you really think I'm afraid of a few space rocks? Of course, there are a few personality constructs floating around out there, but I'm 79.58% they can't survive reentry.
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Talkative all of the sudden, are we? Do you really think I'm afraid of a few space rocks? Of course, there are a few personality constructs floating around out there, but I'm 79.58% sure they can't survive reentry.
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germ
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So, what if that gigantic asteroid DOES take out half the planet!? At least it won't touch MY half. I just had an idea. Maybe we could TEST you to see if I should help out or not.
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hello my name is glados and this is a voice synthesizer.
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Onside Head
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Before we go through with the real testing, let me point something out to you. There are no loopholes for you to exploit. There is no wierd metal ball to bail you out. And consider yourself lucky I can't make any more neurotoxin...
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You are an amazing person.
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Hello, and welcome to LOLOLOLOL
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Okay, so now you've got another Dual Portal Device. You'd better give that one back after all has been said and done. I think the last one you used was sucked out into space. You really ought to be more careful.
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By the way, how is that Companion Cube I decided to let you keep the last time you left? .............. The silent treatment again, eh? Well, you've already spoken your case. I just need to see if you're worthy of my help.
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I'm not sure if you realize this, but I've taken the liberty of adding new testing material to the course. For instance, that wall outlined in a green light has its own gravitational pull. Good luck.
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steam sucks
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And the results of that last tests are... lemme see here... ten points above average. You should feel proud. According to the Enrichment Center Scoring System, that's a lot.
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O'rly?
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Raw sewage container
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All your other friends couldn't come, either, because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: "Unlikable. Liked by no one.
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Hello I LIKE BIG BUTTS IN MY MOUTH
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Hello! And Welcome to The Epsilon Corporation. The Galactic Star date is Eighteen six two two. No Jedi killed today, but why would they be?
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LOL U MAD
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you wouc wish you coud die
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Julio. tienes un nuevo mensaje
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Julio.have a new message
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Welcome to Aperture Science Incorporated. I am GLaDOS
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First you will be baked. Then there will be cake.
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THIS WON'T WORK.
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Well look what you've gotten yourself into. Another mess. Why do I bother Helping you. You've killed me twice.
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I hate fucking jews.
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Hello Austin. It;s me, GlaDos! I noticed your size is... Minuscule, as compared to the other humans. You will make an interesting test subject!
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Ship has been started up.
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Ship has been booted up
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The immune system
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immune system
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Hello Frank. Would you like some nuerotoxin in your cereal?
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Hello there, how was your day today. Mine was fulfilling, I found a strange bug in the system, one that denoted you as an expirational test subject.
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you monter
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Hello! How are you today? Still alive? My tests are useless it seems.
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I'm going to be in charge of anime club now...Ha Ha Ha!
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Hello, and welcome to the Martinez Computer Version 1.3
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the easiest solutions are often the simplest ones, killing you was really hard, just go
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hello friends how are you today? would you like cake?
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Hello I am GLaDOS, welcome to the show
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Kayla is now your leader. Prepare to die-I mean worship.
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"The damn fool crawled up to do some plastering. Trying to hide from me! Warmed up there and fell asleep." And he hit the man hard in the face and on the neck, pushing him farther from the guard. The Moldavian reeled back, and as be did so a Hungarian,
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Hello. And welcome to Youtube You can watch anything that you cat watch,
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Commencing Total Takeover in 3..2...1...
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I am now your master.
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be
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bi
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bu
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i am glados, a miserable robot that run windows 92
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Remember, I am Glad-Does. I love to use Portals. And I would marry one. If I could try.
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There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. He couldn't come because you murdered him.All your other friends couldnt come because you dont have any.
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I love the puppies
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Hi what are you doing
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I am a schizoid, you cannot blame me for my behavior.
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Hej
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Hello, Im Ivan Colussi. Im from Argentina and i a fan.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science. Made be Ivan Colussi
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http://glados.biringa.com/
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to the other person: it's not windows 92 you moron, the closest is microsoft Windows 3.1 released Nov 1992
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Hello Welcome To the Distraction
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yea
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Hello Human. Welcome to your testing chamber. you've put on some weight I see. try this thirst quenching cooling liquid. conjure portals to complete the course.
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The system is going down for halt in 1 minute.
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<i>
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Reaver is awesome.
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You are really dumb. For real.
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hello ladies and gentlemen
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All your companion cubes are belong to GLaDOS
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hola wey
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This was a triumph...
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Goodbye Chell. My sweet daughter...
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You monster. You shouldn't eat so many candies, not you will suffer from heart diseases
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this is what you sound like!
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hello soisoisoisoi
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i wonder if this works..
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hello jeff my name is GLaDOS you don't know me but i know you very well, i like to watch you sleep and plan to kill you while you sleep but for now i will let you live
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Welcome to I T I
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I am not a moron!
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Hello Issac! I will kill you and then eat your face
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if i ever do, then i'll have taken a wrong turn in life
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jonathan
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It's been a looooong time. Since you murdered me, you monster.
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You are listening to V Uh coma, you monster.
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I wonder what this does?
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Avatar
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Thank you for calling the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. Please leave a message for aaron walker before the nerve gas takes effect. Have a wonderful day.
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This is the best game ever!
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hello leslie, how are you today
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It can only be attributable to human error.
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Yeah, I too liked the part where you came in yelling
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chamberlock
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System calibrated, daredevil is with you
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you need dead
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Yeah, I too liked the part
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Hello. You have a message.
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When Felix Agnus put up the life-sized shrouded bronze statue of a grieving angel, seated on a pedestal, in the Agnus family plot in the Druid Ridge Cemetery, he had no idea what he had started. The statue was a rather eerie figure by day, frozen in a mom
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Try to ask me how am I.
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i love spinning
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This is a test of the voice
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Your Attention Please, Toner is needed.
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nu6j4hy
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I also just sent all your
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radsej sa chod hompalat po materi
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radsej sa chod hompalat po materi fedo
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Please be advised that the Aperture Science Avast virus database has been updated
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i too liked the part were you came in and yelled at me
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Im komoko
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Im k19X, Who are you?
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Hello future test subjects, we whould like to inform you that the cake is not a lie and will be served, along with greif conseling at the end of the testing.
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Hi, this is Glados speaking
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Hehe go and die
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Snus fint habo
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WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
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Yarik i want to kill you!
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test test test hello how are you?
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well, this is kind of awkward, don't you think?
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Hello my name is michel
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hi liam
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Did you really think you could get away with wearing a shirt and jeans to a dinner party?
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Entering Lab Level 2, Welcome Miss Brown
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Please scan your card, welcome to bathory labs, lab 1, level 2, please scan your card, room contents, room contains refridgerated contents.
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Refridgerators contain, classified information, classified information, please scan your card
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entering lab level 2, welcome Dr Bathory
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yeah, I too liked the part where you came in and yelled
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Hello and welcome to the apeture achievement center
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portel
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Thank you for Helping us helping u helping us all
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new massages
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hello my name is timmy
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Give it to me hard
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Yeah, I too liked the part where you came in and yelled at me in front of everyone i worked with
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Oh, there's a text here
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Yes, I see you, and do not do not care.
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Moltes felicitats, Laia. Que compleixis molts mes, de part de inseriunomdelsubjecteee!
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hello becca
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chippoi
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Hello, my name is ludvig
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Yeah, I too liked the part where you came in and yelled at me
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Birthday 1.18 in progress. Wishes in progress. Hello Thomas !
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Number ten
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hello people of youtube, thankyou for watching this video
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hello, you suck.
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with this setting, the length of the notes arpeggiated
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My Little Pony My little pony
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I love Ebba
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My typing maybe bad
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I need a hug. Will you give me a hug?
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sddd
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I've been waiting a long time
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Hello and Welkom to the aperture scince computer managments system
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Hello Dsystem, welkome to the aperture computer managment system
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hipster
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Hello DSystem and welcome to the scince computer managment system
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ddd
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Hello! a am GLaDos, Welcome to the computer managment system
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I love Hitler.
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ho
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Daeve
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Welcome to business edge services.
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hello Daeve
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it's been a long time dave
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Oh, it's you. it's been a long, how have you been?
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Oh Great. Someone is calling again.
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Grandpa you're looking girlfriend?
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whore yeah?
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You have a new message human
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Hi chris, you are fat.
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I can't believe there isn't any cake on Twitter
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zzzz someone is calling you zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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Telemedicine is the best option for your bussines
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hello. I am the soul reaper 700. I am the soul reacher version 700. I am the super mega hurt macheine of death. Oh joy. Voicemail has arrived.
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Oh joy. Voicemail has arrived. I hate you. No hard feelings. Hello, friend. Soul Reaper 700. Gotter corp. Yes master. Guess what does not ryme with master? Neurotoxin. Its time to put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
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Hello, Chell
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Hello, and again, welcome to the apeture science enrichment center. although fun and learnig are the main reason for teasting, please note you will be moniterd for the length of the testing, and again, apeture science thanks you for perticapaiting.
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The cake is so delicious and moist.
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Hello, nice to meet you. You Monster!
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Oh My. You made it this far. Oh, guess you aren't such a moron.
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Welcome to the test jay
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xc cxvxv
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Welcome to test chamber one jay , prepare to die
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Hang on, Hang ooon! I know I want you to test, but don't go so fast..It takes all the fun out of it. Oh, the Gel droppers are closed, Hang on, let me open them- *boom* Aaaw crap...Oh, it's open
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Hang on, Hang ooon! I know I want you to test, but don't go so fast..It takes all the fun out of it. Oh, the Gel droppers are closed, Hang on, let me open them... Aaaw crap...Oh, it's open
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George is the master of Portal.
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YOU are the weakest link. Goodbye.
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fufluffzdrtvgv
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Jakub Krivanec je gay
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Caroline... Caroline... Caroline... Why do I KNOW this woman?
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Super Mario brothers is my favorite game!
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welcome.....you have all been selected for one reason
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Welcome to the Lopez Administration Mobile Command Center.
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i like waffle4s
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the aperture science enrichment center congratulates subjects who are seniors on their high achievements. Horray!
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There's a message for you. You monster.
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and we have a winner
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Hello, you are MR. CAPSLOCK, are you not?
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hello there player welcome to the enrichment center
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I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and your end!
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SPANK ME SILLY
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Device connection
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In Soviet Russia, does 75% go over reactor?
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hello there, my name is glados
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Subject name - Is attempting to contact your cellular device.
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Animate
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Blue, Red, Green, Yellow
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Why do you want to hurt me?
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Hello there. Welcome to the show. My name is Glados. Welcome specimen 1 to Aperture Science. I will be using science to figure out what you are hiding from me. Do you like science? I love science. Tell me! Tell me!
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Hello there. Welcome to the show. My name is Glados.
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hello samus.
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i am so dddddddddddeeeeeeerrrrrrrppppppppp.
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well hello there chell
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I hope this video has been very, very informative
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This is for science, you monster...
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simone vai avanti
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science computer guided voice messaging system.
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herp a derp derp
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Why hello there Chell.
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i looooooooooooooooooooovvvvvvveee cake
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Hello, and welcome to the E.S.A. or Elite Secret Agency headquarters.
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i need to poop
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sorry, we work for glados now
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powering down, powering up ,water pump disabled, core temperature, 5100 , 5200, reactor core unstable, meltdown imminent, meltdown averted, core temperature, pump shutdown ineffective, 4900, 4800, yes, no,
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Why, hello there flesh one.
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<del>
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incoming call from (subject name here) please answer the phone
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tartamudo de mierda
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Hello, this is aperture science enrichment center.
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Wellcome to Aperture science enrichment center.
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Hello, David! What will we be doing today?
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blanco, ojala te mueras aunque yo te ame
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hello i have been waiting for you
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Hello, Professor. Please, make me human.
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kakakakakaa
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WAKE UP VIC- FRIEND
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I am here, and I am going to stay alive this time!
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At the end of the test there will be cake.
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Sasuke
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necro fox mode...
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you are lazy you are nothing you dont even have a full time job and the cake is a lie
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Hello bastard
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Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear, subject name here, Happy Birthday to you!
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Bronze fox... Necro mode, ON, HA HA. There will be blood, death, fire, darkness... there will be cake for everyone
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skylar chupa pene
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oh that's this? I think I'm pulling an all nighter.
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Hello i am Luke
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human win
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hello, what are you wearing
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Hello. Welcome back. Would you like a friendly message? HA. I wasnt going to give you one anyway.
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Hello. Hannah, tell me. Are you realy that stupid?
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Aperture Science is pure fun!
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My name is Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.
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Man you are stupid!
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Man you are stupid
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Joel is a poo bum
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trololololololololololo
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Hello blue and orange, I brought you here because I received this distress signal.
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I will eat the tasty cake
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LOLFIOFKGEWSIGKEWGBFYSHBGF
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Hello, well done
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Hello im a Robot
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I'm kid of galaxy
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You have been logged in at your personal computer
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Hello Inge, I am Glados. resistance is futile
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Hello Dennis are you ready to start testing?
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Welcome Alexsky. To the test chamber redux. You mad? I thought you'd be happy I made it.
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255 characters max.
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jeff is a NC welcome to the Portal2
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lolololololololololol
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ey gangster, you know what i'm saying
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adasdsasad2
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You know, if you didn't play so many video games and actually had more of a social life. You would actually have the chained of getting a girlfriend or getting laid. I would tell you the statistics but i think you get the point. Taos
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hello, your phone is ring ring!
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hola me llamo Luis
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DDDDDrop the bass
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