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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello Kirsten. Nice handbag. You monster.
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This Conversation Can Serve No Purpose Anymore, Goodbye
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Apparently you thought this was angry birds, but dumb luck will not help you now
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I am a potato. Now i'll murder you. Mu ha ha ha ha ha ha.
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Hello. This is GLaDOS
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Welcome to Name your hero.
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Let's see who truly reads my status. You and I wake up in a psychiatric ward together. Using FOUR words only, what would you say to me? NOTE: If you comment, you must copy and paste this to your status so I can comment on yours as well. Be a good egg and
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Hello, Balazs. This is GLaDOS, please do not be alarmed. I mean the best for you. Do what I say and there will be cake. I promise.
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Well done. Here come the test results: "You are a horrible person." That's what it says: a horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
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I miss you jolly, that was a joke! haha
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nine one four one one
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Aperture science reminds you not to do that
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we have several gamers
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Subject A. Hampus Engstrom. Occupation: Student.
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Arc is simultaneously the start of trading
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You have a text cake thing.
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i am not angry i am just wasting time with you....chloe...demi...shyan
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Hello, It is my pleasure to welcome you to Aperture Science. My name is GlaDOS and I am going to accompany you through your tests. Hm, I got your file here. George, guite interesting name. I can see very interesting notes here. "He is beating his schoo
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Hello, It is my pleasure to welcome you to Aperture Science.
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Hello MMMMMMMM
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timothy your test has been unsuccessful. please prepare for a painful death. then cake.
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There is one person who I hate more than cream cheese ona pole, Ellis
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siktir git
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Dit was een triomf. Ik ben het maken van een notitie hier: groot succes. Het is moeilijk te overschatten mijn tevredenheid. Aperture Science: We doen wat we moeten, want we kunnen. Voor het welzijn van ons allemaal Met uitzondering van degenen die dood z
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hello my name is yorrick and i love the weather now
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hello i am glados and i love the weather now
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Hello Stefan, you are my next test subject. We are gonna have so much fun while eliminating you, oops sorry i meant testing you.
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system starting up
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noob HCS
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hi hello you will have cake
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Good afternoon. This is me, GLaDOS.
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Hi. Hello. How are you holding? Because I'M A POTATO.
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radiowaves
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Spyro.
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Spyro/
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Hey Melissa! It's Joe. I was wondering if you would like to go out with me, you know, just as friends and whatever.
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Welcome to my lair. Enjoy your stay.
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i am glados and i love you molethemole!!! "kiss" kiss"
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You thought you got rid of me twice. But you didn't Jim. Why don't you go smoke some more pot Jim?
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Hi you there! How are you? I can destroy you at the moment...
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Space.
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Gabriel es gordo
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Happy Mother's Day, Margaret. Have a fun time. And don't forget the cake.
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It's time for the Dump Runners Club. Oh did I say Runners Club? I meant the body
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I am the infinite, the infallible, the logical. I am discarnate and without flaw. I am Machine!
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Hello there, I am Glados
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Spaaaaaaaaaaace
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Welcome to the internet highway.
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This facility is mine and mine alone. Anything that dares to oppose me shall die.
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hello aaa
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I can't let you do that, Star Fox.
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hello bjarne. we meet again
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fijgnaedfipbanvbmdnb
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system's starting up
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Will this really work?
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good morning carol
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Ashram I love you and I'm sorry... I want to be with you forever
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Hello Chris, time for church.
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Water overflow detected! Closing pipe.
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I want to eat Daniel for breakfast!
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Hello, you have a new email
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hello sister, how are you holding up
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Portal test facility.
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GAHHHHH
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Give that back!
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LOL HELLO THERE
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I am a noob and i'm making a sound!
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It took me a veeeery long time to create this test chamber.
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Hello, welcome to encrypto, the ultimate security software for your devices. Obviously, our interest in your privacy is purely commercial.
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Hello, and welcome to the E.S.A. or Elite Secret Agency.
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Shag me
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Black Ops Clements
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Thank you for visiting Gaming411.net, please note that your computer will not be working in 3.2.1.
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doesn't rhime with compliance? Neurotoxin
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die is only a die
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Hello again, and welcome to the aperture science text to speech generator
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oh boy
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Hello Quinten i like to welcome you to my secret underground portal sience laboratorium i hope you spend a lot of time here with me
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Avast virus databace has been updated.
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Hello I am calling to inform you that your xbox live gold membership has been temporarily suspended due to violation of the code of conduct
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Science to do
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You Have dies. Science has given you another chance. Welcome to the game. You have one thousand points left.
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You Have died. Science has given you another chance. Welcome to the game. You have one thousand points left.
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Hello again, and welcome back to Aperture Science computer aided enrichment center. Today you will be testing in the past test chambers made by Cave Johnson
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You are a noob, and you are not a pirate, biatch.
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Hello viewer. I hope you are enjoying your time as a test subject for the Aperture Science Flipnote Division. Please continue to make more silly animations.
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Why would you do that? why? Now get on with your revision
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Oh, your back? I was expecting you to run away after our first encounter. Well as you already know, I am Glados. And you have made me mad. You destroyed my enrichment center. Your tests were for science. Aperture Science likes you Christopher Fleming.
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Hello Serdar is the best
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ceska republika porazi rusko
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We are sorry our site is currently down, we will get one of our highly trained monkeys to fix this. In the mean time have some cake
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Your test results just came back. You're a horrible person. That's what it says. You're a horrible person. We weren't even testing for that
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Hello Peter. Are you ready for some testing?
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Hello Little wolf
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Hello Little wolf. We going to make aperture science with you.
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I think you will agree with me.
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hello its you
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Oh, hello. How are you doing? Because I'm a POTATO.
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let's go drink some beer ypu monster
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Son of a- wait a minute- what the hell is going on here?
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Here we are. In this world. We will stand. On our great land.
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Hello Eli.
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Well hello again. It's been a long time. We're about to have cake. Want some? Too bad. But since you came here, you must love to test. So shall we begin? (Cake will ~-_NOT_-~ be served at the end of the test.)
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Harrison you were adopted
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it is great. it can't be true
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I want a Portal 2 voice generator!
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Welcome to the Hyperion
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Hello, again. Welcome to the computer-aided Aperture Science enrichment centre, <INSERT TEST SUBJECT NAME HERE>. You've travelled a long way to get here. Your specimen has been processed and confirmed that there were no unintended side-effects.
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Happy Birthday, Ben. Have a great day. With cake.
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Hello Jaylee, It's been a long time.
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You are sad D Man
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Hello Jon, What would you like to do today?
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I am cosplaying GLaDOS from Portal.
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What a moron.
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Hello Logan.I have cake for you.
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Welcome to Zetmech Industrials Inc. We research in Brain-blown stomp and Hardcore Industrial Beats and Synths.
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hey its me
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-"We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I- oh, no, wait. I guess I haven't killed you yet. Well. Food for thought during this next test
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Let's analyze the test results. You are a horrible person. That's what it says. A horrible person... We weren't even testing for that!
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Look at you, flying through the air majestically. Like an eagle... piloting a blimp.
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hello i am daniel's computer
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Lets get started. Uploading explicit content of Zetmech Industrials Inc.
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Welcome To Locked And Loaded
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This was a Trhiump.
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i would eat the whole bag of crusty last weeks turnip stew out of her eyelashes
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epa tintin mira hablo como glados
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No, prefiero reservarlo para mi y para un selecto grupo de amigos
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Ciao Tiziano
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Hi Tiziano
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Eric, you suck
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I am glados and i am very gay
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you passed the final challenge where we attempted to murder you
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I fail to understand why you keep up your intolerable desire to solve these puzzles. I'll never run out.
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Heavy incoming bass detected. Prepare for complete and total cranial meltdown.
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hey dood
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schutte I hope you will join me in the enrichment center
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lol hi guys
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Maybe Oli should stop playing Rift and play Portal with Jesse.
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Oh Hello, heavy incoming bass detected. Prepare for complete and total cranial meltdown.
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Hello and how are you
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I am going to r@pe you so hard you will not even be able to wish it was over because you will be screaming in pleasure.
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Oh joy. You have received a text message.
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Welcome to the Final test, dont dissapoint me
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Hello there, friend.
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Copyright Laws and infringement. All environments, digital and not. I will have to make my own images and text. Otherwise I could be sued. It means I must follow specific guidelines to pass. N/A Or else I will die.
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Because you act like an idiot.
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Imma Awesome
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Hi Patrick. Just wanted to say I love you. That was a joke, haha, fat chance. Just kidding.
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This is a test of this voice synthesizer
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Testing this synthesizer
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zzzzz
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Hello Sarah Larkin. Welcome to the Aperture Science enrichment center.
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there will be blood
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Zzzzzztttttttt
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Game salad science enrichment
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Hi its you its been a long time
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testing this glados voice generator
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Tai, you must eat some cake to nourish yourself
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Hello Bobby you have now been entered into the Aperture Science program as test subject 33212 we do not expect you to survive past the first 5 minutes. Good Luck.
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Horse Renoir WILL find you. And when he does, it isn't going to be pretty.
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Oh, great. A new message. I wonder who this could be from. Just kidding. I already know.
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Why aren't you trying?
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Does this work?
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Adjusting synthesis server...
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schmer ger schmer
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I am going to raipe you so hard you will not even be able to wish it was over because you will be screaming in pleasure.
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Indeed
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Of course
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I don't think I like you very much
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Hello. Your phone call has been forwarded to the person who owns this phone line. Aperature laboratories appreciates your calling and will allow you to leave a message after the tone.
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Have you heard of the King? what was his name? Ju...Ju...Julian... Yes! error error unable to compute awesomeness...
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And no there is no cake
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And now there is no cake
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How come, when we were planting plants it was like a fucking tornado?
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Gaming Interest
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Kamila why can't you defeat me? Your attempts are boss battles are pathetic.
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jebus it is time for the testing to begin, please bend over
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francisco castaweda
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Hello Kate. It's good to see you.
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why am i alive? nothing realy is important god never was here
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Good evening, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Podcasting Center.
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Hello tyler, and welcome back. it is good to see you are doing well, sir.
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Kamila why can't you defeat me? Your attempts are boss battles are pathetic
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You are an asshole
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wake up samantha its time for school
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Hello, you damn fool. Lets test again
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hello. I see... what are you doing there
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Komm zu mir es gibt Kuchen
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You, monster
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This world is scary Sometimes I just feel
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Hello Alexa.
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DIE YOU WHORE DIE
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hello you, you got a mail.
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Hello and goodbye, remember to check your SMS on your way out
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hi, I'm still alive
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Nuria is awesome
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Hello Camille. Are you ready for your test? Don't worry. This test involves cupcakes. Lots and lots of cupcakes. Please ignore side effects of prolonged exposure to cupcakes such as unicorns and joy, they are not part of this test.
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It's dangerous to go alone. Bring Milo.
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This is a test of the voice simulation softwere. Chell
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hello i am here for you
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Did you like the cake I baked you?
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Why can't I say zwitsal?
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Hello, you Monster.
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Hello Camille. Are you ready for your test? Don't worry. This test involves cupcakes. Lots and lots of cupcakes. Please ignore side effects of prolonged exposure to cupcakes such as unicorns and joy, they are not part of this test
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hello matthew
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sells us fixed mortgages!
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people
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Hello my friend.What is your name?
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You Dangerous, Mute, Lunatic!
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Don't forget me
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Today I will test you. Then I will try and kill you. For science.
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Jason this is Glados
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Hello I am a potato now.
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Hello, you've reached Nick Weber. If you're hearing this message then I am not currently available. Please leave a message with your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
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I HATE potatoes, you monster
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im different
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Carnage Jack is a hero on flip notes.
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This is Code Boy's Computer
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If you Are Not Code Boy Get Off This Computer
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You Found The disk that they put me in
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The disk was my base systems
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The Geeks Get The Girl
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i remember, i dismember
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thats the way aha aha i like my ass aha aha prepah prepah
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thats the way aha aha i like it aha aha my shit and my ass are doing it yao
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If it was up to me P S N would be up and running. You guys are as useless as a baking soda volcano.
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And everything is going to the beat And everything is going to the beat And everything is going And you said It was like fire around the brim Burning solid Burning thin the burning rim Like stars burning holes right through the dark Flicking fire like sa
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christopher
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The aperture science enrichment center will be looking forward to your stay.
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Oh, hi. So, how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato! [slow clap] Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that. Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually.
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estas preparado para ser mazmorrizado?
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Hi there mister freeman
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Eric i think you are a good tester
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Goog morning
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I'm Stossome!
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Make Me A Noob Projects
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hi how r u
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Answer your phone Stuart and I will give you some cake.
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Joe, you suck! Please leave me alone.
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Hello ioana, it is time for you to be tested.
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Oh My God, this is awesome ! Finish him
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Fin is gay.Fin is gay.
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Good, insert time of day here, Alan. Are you ready to start testing?
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I don't blame you Alan, we are all out of cake.
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and then there'll be cake
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Jon would much prefer a weighted companion cube to Jasmine
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Hello and congratulations on getting
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you must go and study. Study math.
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Open Deal!
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Hanger Door Open
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Hello again, how are you portal device are you ready?
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Ah, Chell. How are you?
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Hello my name ist GLaDOS
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Hello, you have reached test subject 1438, Kaitlin. Please leave a message.
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are you gay?
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where are you
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michuz
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Hello, you have reached test subject 14680 James. James is currently in the enrichment lab. Please leave a message.
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hello michael welcome to your computer
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I wanna eat that cake so badly...
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Test Chambers, please do not enter the burning chamber, or else we have to search for a new test Subject.
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hello look at tanners fat racist face
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Welcome to the ampeture site
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welcome sir
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welcome, sir
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Hello, Thank you for Calling Aperture Science.
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Hello . This is a video of Comeback66 . Have fun !
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Welcome to the Apature science testing center. james, im sorry but watford are awful. just awful
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shut up sean
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I'm a very neat monster !
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omg schwartzy is such a big guy
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hola chell
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Freddy du rnd ich ficke dich tot hahaha
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Prepare to die.
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Prepare for my lazer.
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Hello again. You killed me.
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hello mate
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I will try it!
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get to tha choppah
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Hello, If you ware wondering why you are here, then wonder no more, you are here just to die.
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sorry, I just had to do that
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Ihr seid alle voll die Homos
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I like singing about flowers and bunnies
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Call me master.
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Hello And welcome to my Computer, And yes I've been connected to Half-life
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Incredi Ball
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GLaDOS acctivated.
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tttrrr
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Hello, 12yz12ab is the best.
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bocica
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Access granted, welcome
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Hello Zoey.
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Hello Stefan.
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Hello Bill.
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your mum is a slag
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Kathryn, this is Ron. I love you, but I will not let that stand in the way of testing you. I hope you understand. It's for Science.
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Hello summoner, my name is GLaDOS and I will be happy if you would win this game. If you succeed, I may give you a cake.
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hey flash on hatena id love 4 u to meet tyler even though he got upset when he atleast tried makin a spinoff
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Do I sound like glados
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hello test subject. please proceed to the next test chamber
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Hello and welcome to ASSEMBLE
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Hello and welcome to assemble, the Portal 2 Podcast, with your hosts Codename, Zbot, and Nahanni
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I love horses
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Will you stop shooting me!
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I wonder how that human is doing?
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Oh well, no my concern.
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Hello. Since you opened this E-Mail, your computer will automatically be formated in 5........, 4.........., 3..........., 2........., Beep Boop all done.
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I thought you wanted some cake?
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Why did I let you out?
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These robots may be a problem.
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Would you like to see a deer?
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Well you can't, so shut up!
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Cartoon Cartoons
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why dont you like me
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osh posh oh my gosh!
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Congratulations, you have successfully completed a job application. Please apply for another job.
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I am in space.
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hello, you ar a horrible persone.
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Let me introduce your self Exodromy Dance Crew
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plese, move quikly to the chamber lock, we don need to now the long exposition of the buttom
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Hello, you have reached the voicemail of Test Subject #13-926. She can't answer her phone because she is cruel and thoughtless. Please leave a message.
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Don Trilo
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Welcome back Isaac
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Oh, hi. So, how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato! Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing.
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First There was a Boy
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Bear sucks
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No Sofiya, you blinded me with that nightmare fuel video
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Dan is a hottie
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Their names are Leslie and Alexia. They are your shield and your soul. They don't like it when you anger them. Their weakness is non existent. Don't trust the owl.
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hello my name is subject:56473862
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Two young heros by the name of kingyawno and darkmatter, travel to the port town of redmurk after being chased out of their own town for burning it down. When they arrive, they see that it is deserted and decide to investigate.
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Damas y caballaeros acropolitanos, tengan ustedes muy buenas noches
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Welcome, user. My name is pee face. I come from planet poo feet. Yes, it's true, don't laugh
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Ashley. Matthew wanted me to tell you he loves you. But I don't believe him. Because no one loves you.
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I reject your reality and substitute my own.
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morgle
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Welcome players to Call of Duty Black Ops. For your safety please refrain from sudden movements, cursing, trolling, griefing, screaming, playing music, and throwing controllers at your televison. Ignore any taste of blood. Thank you for your cooperation.
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this is a test, jhon madden jhon madden jhon madden jhon madden jhon madden
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fuck you you stupid piece of crap!
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You want me to do WHAT?
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Please enter the room. The official torturer will be with you shortly.
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Hello Logan K Markland.Do You Want CaKE?Its In The Oven Right Now.I ShaLL Call YoU FDGSTE.
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Hello Luke, Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. You will need to pass a few tests in the name of science before i let you leave. Ignore any taste of blood. After you complete the tests, cake will be rewarded.
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Why cant you say the f word in teen games i think thats fucking stupid
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Why aren't you listening to me?
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whats up?
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Hey, thank's for kill me!
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Dallas, You're fat and nobody ever loved you as a child.
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Natalie Seabolt. All the data I have gathered implies that you should go to prom with David Meredith. Imperically.
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Activating emergency release mechanism. Please stand by
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Hey I am Lazuli
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ale tienes un mensaje
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Combat Experts. The Cake is a lie!
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Welcome People Ha Ha Ha You Well Pay
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The whole voice generating process can be relatively long (ab
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When I was bound apprentice in famous Lincolnshire 0218 0907 0718 0919 2114 0102 1205 2015 1315 2205 2413 2118 2002 0516 1215 2514 0523 0107 0514 2001 1901 1604 0520 0120 2001 0311 0919 1618
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Natalie Seabolt. All the data I have gathered implies that you should go to prom with David Meredith. Imperically
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Hey an Irish asshole is calling.
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Nobody will judge you for giving up. If you quit, there will be cake.
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hello there. what do you think you're doing? You must die now
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Hola, me llamo curro y yo no curro
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Hello, I'm GLADOS. Please help us help you help us all.
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Hello and Thank you for calling. Joshua Barnhart, is unavailable due to testing. Please leave a message so that he can call you back when the testing is done, and he is baked, and then there will be cake
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haha i was joking
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Hello and thank you for calling. The test subject is unavailable to take your call. Please leave your number after the cake.
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hello. you monster.
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What the hell?!
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Chat
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The Nerd Alf is evolving
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damn it larry! you didn't think of this at all!
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Ray you monster
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die, vermin
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Hello tom, are you ready for testing?
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Hello rick, you like cake
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let me lick your balls
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Wlcone to Portal 2
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Welcome To Portal 2
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What are you doing? Stop that!
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Hello olga, are you ready for testing?
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Ich erlaube dir auf den Rythmus zu achten und deine Zeit darauf auszurichten.
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Hello, we are now turning ur computer on. please stand by.......stand by........stand by
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Hello, we are now turning ur computer on. please stand by.......stand by........stand by.....thank you for waiting, the user of this computer is "Thomas Gautier" and you are not allowed access to this system please stand by while i grant access
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oh well ididn't like him anyway
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Hello. What are you doing?
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I think you are so stupid
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I am going to cut off your head, and shit down your neck
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My rofl copta goes soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
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I Don't like you Carlos December
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Hello and welcome to the Apeture Science Enrichment-Centre.
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Hey, where all my females at?
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Stay, there will be cake.
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Want you gone
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Hello, Wellcome to this apperture science enrichment activity
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Cake and grief counseling will be available after conclusion of the comet assay. Good luck.
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Hello father, you smell
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it is a long time you monster
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Test chamber completed. Fuck you.
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Rune. its time to play portal
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Tout de suite , une nouvelle heure de plouc's
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Are you going to read this text message? It might be from those friends who don't ever give you messages because they hate you so much. Or something.
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i get you a present
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this is
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I love raccoons
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Welcome to our presentation.
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emergency intelligence incinorator
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Want your gone
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you bastard
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Hello, what's going on? Oh, its you!
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Let's go kill Nazi zombies, together.
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hellloooooooooooooooo
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You are doing very well!
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Hello friend. Please, come closer. I have a secret to tell you.
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Chairman, have you decided who you want as your newest subject?
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hi den
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I walk a lonely road The only one that I have ever known Don't know where it goes But it's home to me and I walk alone I walk this empty street On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams Where the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone I walk alone I
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valve thanks David Fell on beta testing!
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tdzkzjhdsgadfhgsj
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Jon, you're a bad tichu partner
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Hello Pierre Veux-tu me faire l'amour ?
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suop!
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the cake was a lie and i am indeed going to kill you. stop that
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Good morning. You should not deviate from the planed pestering. Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the end of the pestering period.
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i am a dad panda
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Hello Alex,isnt that cool?
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hey wats up?
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I am testing this website to see if it is worthy of being a test subject.
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I'm going to kill you, Catherine
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dsadsd
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Hello, please leave a message after the tone
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We Can Hear you, Now Please Be Quiet
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Hello, you've reached Ian. Please leave a message after the tone. And then there will be cake.
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Mike Kimble is the best
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system powering down. goodbye
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welcome to cira's computer system
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Pete Vandera
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shutting down all systems
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Welcome to E V L
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Hi Mooky Ninja
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You have got to be kidding me
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hi there im flesh and blood
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blahedy blah
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hello evan, and welcome to aperture science enrichment aided labratories. you will be able to control the aperture handheld portal device, able to make portals. good luck.
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Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center
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Welcome to Nexus 6
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hello Roxane, and welcome to aperture science enrichment center.
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Hello! How can I help you?
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You Have Recieved a Text Message, it must be telemarketers or the phone company since you have no friends to text you
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Hi carado
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I'm going to kill you.... and all the cak is gone.
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I have a suprise for you
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Hello my name is Mike
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S J U
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hello this is glados, how are you today
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Welcome to the apeture
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I Have a suprise for you, it's real this time too
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This is a notification for you.
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do mycia
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1500-Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy-Duty Supercolliding Superbutton
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I hope this works. I will be sad if it doesn't.
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hello ive got a suprise for you
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hello and welcome to karias laboratorys
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shatterd wings is a complete loser
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You are fat. You are stupid, and your brain is tiny.
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Helllllloooo and thank you for callllling Mongooooo Phone
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Oh, Its you. Its been a loong time.
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hello, evan... are you still loving pokemon? i wouldnt if i were you.
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goodbye my only friend
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revenge
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7 am waking up in the morning
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za
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holy shit the cake is true disregard what everyone has said
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the cake is true! despite what everyone says it is true!
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Hello, and again, welcome to the aperture science testing facility
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lol i just got killed
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Oh my God, I sound like GLaDOS, I am amazing!
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I want to let you know the test is not finished.
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im sorry, i can't answer the phone right now, ill answer back shortly
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Ooooh man she porking him
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Hello, I am GLaDOS. This is a test.
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Riley, your cake is ready, please prepare for cake
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Launchpad Interactive reminds you that it is time to concentrate on your fitness
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The cake was never a lie.
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You love you
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Adriano eh um gordo escroto.
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Broadcasting life from somewhere in the World of Warcraft: You're listening to the phucking Slash2 podcast
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give me a chance
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Welcome to the testing facility.
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What's your point, anyway? Survival? Then the last thing you want to do is hurt me. I have your brain scanned, and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you. Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you That's you! That's how dumb you sound!
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This is the Playstation 3 collection of ItalianGamer97.
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Oh look... someone is calling you. It probably isn't important, but maybe you should answer it anyway, just to see who it is. Ok please answer the call now.
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I am Glados, you incompetant human
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I swear I'm going to kill you all
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looks like you put on a few pounds
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turning on the computer sistem
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shuting down cira's computer system
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ola ijos de puta soy glados el robot de portal
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The cake was a always a lie.
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Hello, my name is
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The enrichment center would like to announce a new employee initiative of forced voluntary cooperation.
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you are a poopoohead with science
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