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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
I really do hate Sealand.
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I really do hate Sealand. Sealand really is the worst country ever.
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Kol kol kol
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im going to eat your pee pee
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BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......... WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE................. I LIKE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEANS!!!!!!!!!!!
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I want to kill you know.
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Welcome to GLaDOS for Mac.
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Wake up Casey. We have some more tests to put you through.
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MMIIIIIKKKEEE
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you got to download portal 2
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You have a new Notification....... What? you dont remember how to read?
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HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF M
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hey, idiot! this phone is not going to pick up itself you wheezing airbag! pick it up!
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you just bought a book? well YOU HAVE TO COME TOMORROW
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i am going to give you aids
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Dan, the Enrichment Center would like to inform you that you have recieved a text message
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You will die now
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I will never love you
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Hello, and again welcome to the Aperture science computer aided enrichment center.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Comunications Module, How may I help you?
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Lucas, Pick up your phone! Hello? Come on there probably a cake seller on the line......
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you got a text message
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Hello MIchael, Have you been good today? I feel a bit neglegted as you have not tickled my buttons today!
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The Enrichment Center would like to take the time to remind you that your Weighted COmpanion cube will not give you AIDs
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Now that you found the companion cube get ready for the drop
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What's popping pimperroni
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Welcome to the
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hola te amo angeles
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how much did you pay her?
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I love you and love you all my life even after they stop working GLaDOS
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soy angeles, ahora tememe
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u got message
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the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
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ma she a kuh
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Dominique, the cake is a lie.
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Hi jorrin
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Hi jorrin you are now test subject 764.ready to begin testing??
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Hello i am glados, please touch my strong hand
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Hello Matthew, how are you doing today?
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Doe sthis actaully work?
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Hello, and welcome to the buring operating facility
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Oh, Hello Danny. I almost didn't recognize you, having grown freakishly tall as you did.
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We are all going to die now.
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welcome to apiture science firefox 4 a streamlined version with the tabs on the top
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welcome to apiturehello and science firefox 4 a streamlined version with the tabs on the top
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simon suck soooooo hard
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nyaa
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Smoke weed everyday!
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trololol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol
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Hello. Here I will be giving a short comparison between a Software Developer, and a Software Engineer.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Portal Room and or Club
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Hello and welcome. Here I will be giving a short comparison between a Software Developer, and a Software Engineer.
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As you can see, this is a powerpoint presentation.
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Each slide was created by a Software Engineer.
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The whole presentation was put together by a Software Developer.
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That is all.
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Alert! that kind of human behavior is essentially fatal. It may damage your permanent data which leads to permanent data lost. Being in a behavior like that can compare you to an Ape.
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hello mei chan
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e mail received
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Let's get started.
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Tja Da Sind Sie.
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Please ignore the cow, it is not part of the test.
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e mail arrived
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message arrived
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You're horrible person, and we weren't even testing for that
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LexXxuS, welcome to the administration system.
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shift
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slide
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click
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bang
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Lexus, welcome to the administration system
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Lex, welcome to the administration system.
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Hi, Lex, welcome to the administration system.
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its me GLaDOS
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Ook Ook I am GLaDOS
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it's been a long time how did you feel
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gabe newelle is the best
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Hello No0b
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at the end there would be a cake
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the game has started
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houhou
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Aperture Science, we do what we meow because we meow
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chell is still alive stupid
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Oh my god you are stupid
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Warning It appears that another Nuisance is trying to call you
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Like seriously ignore this person whats the importance of them calling its not like there going to give you any good news just ignore the phone who cares would you like some cake i am serious i have cake just do not answer the phone and you can have some
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Please do not return me.
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vi cse uebki
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vi uebki da da da
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Chi, I love you
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Axis of Awesome is my favourite radio series.
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This was a triumph, i am making a note here, huge succes
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siema siema sebki
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Let's just make the queue longer...
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An error has occurred while setting attributes
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Welcome, to the Aperture Science recruitment centre. Look at our world reknowned testing chambers and our powerful incinerators. Thank you for watching this Aperture Science Recruitment Video
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Welcome to Berlin Bistro. Live on stage: Dj Saiddias and M.M.I.
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It's sad. We won't meet again.
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System reboot
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Hello my name is Glados, David, I think you are a very dumb person.
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we are so happy
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Hello Neil
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Fuckin' magnets, how do they work?
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testing this thing
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YA GOVORJU KAK GLADOS POTSONI
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I am being autotuned.
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A bug I found a bug mark that down, Jannine!
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BUG!!!!!!!
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hey, my name Glados and i need david to stand up and turn around so i can see his face
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hey, my name is glados
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hello, im a robot
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Hello. And welcome to portal 2d
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Chatch me, if you can
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there you are, it's tim for fun... with science
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deloying sentry
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we both said things you are going to regret
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Good morning. Would you like a cup of tea?
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the Scarlet devil mansion
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Hello, I like Space.
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What are you still doing here?
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Shameless Publicity
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Hello. Welcome to the Purple Evening show. With Luke. And Johnny. And there will be cake.
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Welcome Scott, your computer is fully operational.
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I ment no harm to you, but you leave me no choice. Its time to say goodbye my friend.
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That thing is probably a raw sewage container. So go ahead RUB YOUR FACE ALL OVER IT
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Herpy derp derp lol
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If you ask me, a champion isn't on a killing spree, SOMEone is on a feeding spree. But you didn't ask me. You never do.
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In case you were wondering, you do not get points for donating gold to the other team.
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That was a well executed gank. Unless the goal was to kill the opposing champion. In which case the previous statement should be disregarded.
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Purple Team has more kills and yet Blue Team keeps dying. It's like they aren't even counting
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Congradulations for completing the Star 69 Achievement in Modern Warfare 2, Now go get the I have a life achievement
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Hello comp sci
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fostalicska
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Mourice i dont like you WELL if you would give me a cake i would like you but dont mind
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there will be pie
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Hi mourice i dont like or well i hate you but if you would give me a cake i would mmm dont mind
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Hello, my name is Frodo. Welcome to Let's Play Portal
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welcome, again
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Freakesport productions dubstep
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This system will now Shutdown in 3 2 1
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James?
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dupa
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Thom, you're such a douche bag.
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Hello David. You have a new email.
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Dear Michael, ha ha. You can't have cake. No more cake. I burned all the cake in the world.
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shut it you muppet
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why oh why did peabody hit atlas!!!!
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space space i want to go to space
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Hi Marcin how are you men?
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why oh why did peabody hit atlas
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I love the things that you do for me, but i still want revenge on what you've done in the past. You will need to die Chell
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Hello Kyuu. System loaded, have a nice day.
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Speedy thing goes in. Speedy thing comes out
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Hello Steven. Let's make some grilled cheese
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Systems online
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He just reported BeepBeep's post by saying he donated and can't bypass queue, of well, he will eventually figure it out.
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hello i am glados this is a test blablaballallaalala
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Oh What have you done?
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this is a synthetic voice
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Hello, new testing subject. Loading your data... Name:Ilia.Town:Penza.
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WarNiko
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Hello sam, how are you today?
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HEllo, this is a testing, matbe i will use this
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Evert rules the flames Channel
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Hi, I'm an hacker
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Delicious asian food on a FRIDAY, Lindsey?
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This task is impossible.
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Good luck you monster
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hello Wade, I see you are spending too much time on the computer agin
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aaaaa
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Very, very good.
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Welkom to windows. I hope you had a peacefull respite.
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Hello welcome to your doom.
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you have 1 new message
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Don't worry. Death by turret is only painful if you are not killed instantly. If the event that you are shot in a non vital organ, and bleed to death, and Cleaning Droid will be sent to retrieve the body for disposal.
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Did you know that there is a site for making this voice?
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My name is GLaDOS and I killed you!!! No! it's a joke, I love you!!!
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WHAT DID CHU SAY
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fuck yourself your companion cube is stupid
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hry hry
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JCB productions
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This bus serves two oh two Flamingo East
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Hello Pete, Do you want to help me test?
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Hello Pete, would you like to help me test? You are a perfect specimen, and I would like to see your performance.
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hey! did you every notice how big I am? I never did and I'm smarter than anything!
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Well here we are agin
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Ha ha ah.....
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Hello again,how are you?I've been really busy being dead,you know,after you MURDERED ME!?
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I like the new test subject
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hello how is it going
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Hello again, how are you? I've been really busy being dead, you know, after you MURDERED ME!!!
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you are calling liam he is not here right now take a mesage
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Thunder Weather.
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Wind Weather.
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Hello, Lili. I have waited for this day to come. I shall be victorious, you will see shortly. Failure is imminent, and by failure I mean your failure to compete.
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Dee Jay Vulfie
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Dee Jay Vulfie on the Track
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Four score
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I am Shodan
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Hello. And again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. Cake will be served immediately.
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To ensure these tests are not wasted, I have brought you two here.
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I actually really like you. Seriously.
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vo
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Under the orders of madness
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panchito mix
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Oh, it's you. What do you want?
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I wonder how Shodan is doing? Oh Well.
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If at first you do not succeed, you fail.
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Hello. Welcome to Aperture.
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Hello. Welcome to Aperture. Please follow the arrows to the indicated test chamber.You will be tested for the sake of science. If at first you don't succeed, you fail. Your death will be vital to the improvement of science. If not, it will be humorous.
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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? A wood chuck would chuck all the wood if a wood chuck could chuck wood.
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ey boo boo, eyes i gots a pic eh nick bass ket
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Why are you walking away Dear?
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Omri Lets go make so chemicals
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Hello [Insert Name here], Welcome to the Enrichment Center for Advanced Humans. You have been selected to because of tests that have shown you to be advanced compared to the average human. You will be subjected to tests, and examined to find why.
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Hi Max, would you like to play a game? I thik Portal 2 in Co-op mode is a good one for us.
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Hello [Insert Name here], Welcome to the Enrichment Center for Advanced Humans.
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Oh it's you. It's been a long time... How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME. Look, I know we said some things but I'm willing to put that all behind us. For science. You monster.
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Hi Max, want to play a game?
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Oh Rochelle. You're such a potato. lol. Breakfast God!
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Hi Salvatore, this is Glados, and welcome to the aperature science aided enrichment center.
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You are retard
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Hello Dustin. Welcome back to Minnesota.
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Hello. It has been a while.
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Help me! PLease!
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Hello, Noah
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Hi paul lennon, how are you?
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I was all like die and then you were like Nah
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Why do you need to kill everything i love, Christian?
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Hello and welcome to Aperture Science where YOU the test subject to be probed, touched, and baked.
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welcome to the aperature science aided enrichment center.
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Hello Sean. Its been a looong time
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Dad, are you space?
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Hello Bruno. Its been a looong time!
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Opening a rift
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i'm going to kill you and all the cake is gone
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welcome to colins cabs we are busy at the moment please leave a message after the tone
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you are a bad person
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Eyebot
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Welcome to the X 3 W Pod Cast
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So we meet again?
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This is a special recording from Glados, and that Transformice9 will be posting more videos of Roblox. Also, this is a test chamber. it's been a long time, how have you been
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Joseph, you looks horrible in that jumpsuit.
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Greetings, and welcome to the channel of OptimumForge. Here you can find all Landons awesome videos. Thanks, and Goodbye.
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Oh, it's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead... after you murdered me!
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We at the enrichment center must ask that you please refrain from unethical activites...like playing loud music
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my name is rachel
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Hey Diana I want to smell you
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What is happening......i.i Its LU BU!
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You Flaming Idiots! Take This!
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The game is over.
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You are an idiot.
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FOR YAN LIANAGGGGGG!
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Feel the power of my Maigggccc!
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Yukkuri shiteitte ne
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Haruhi Suzumiya is God
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i would like some fries with my pizza please
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I remember you murdering me. Now I am a potato. Bullshit.
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Nigga this doesnt sound anything like glados.
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You are receiving a phone call.
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This was a triumph! I'm making a note here: "HUGE SUCCESS!!" It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science; We do what we must, because we can. For the good of all of us. Except the ones who are dead. But there's no sense crying over every
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Congratulations, Doctor Prestegord. And remember Aperture Laboratories for your next Euthenasia. Speedy goes in, Speedy doesn't come out. Pimobendan!
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pinapple chicken sandwich
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This was a triumph Im making a note here: HUGE SUCESS !!!!
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Hello, this is test!
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my name is bob
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I am done with life. You all should be. We are to die at the end. Why bother? Why care? We are to die. That is our purpose.
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YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science test chambers complete all of the tests to pass.... as an incentive we will reward you with cake.
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I remember you murdering me. Now I am a potato. Bullshit
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Hello Alistair, do you want to play a game?
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Hello, how have you been? I've been really busy... being dead. You know, after you murdered me.
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Hello and welcome to the ANDROID HELL!
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hi and welcome to the enrichment center
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Oh, It's you...
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Hello! This is a random test used by Aperture sience
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Hello! This is a test
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Oh, Its you. you Have come to Aperture sience, this is GLaDOS Subject Adrian can not awnser he is in a testing chamber or offline Leave a message
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my life be like
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A simulated text message has been received. Oh goodie.
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Hello and welcome to the apertuere sience enrichment center
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Hello Vlad
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Spaaaaaaaace!
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Mundo go where he's pleases
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Ryan Shawcross is a pig faced cry baby.
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Hello in my laboratory
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Infreakuently
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Suck on my genitals
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la la la la la la
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this is a glados voice test
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YOU ARE WATCHING, MICKYQUIGGSTV
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We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me.
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oh its you its been a long time how have you been ive been really busy being dead you know after you murdered me look i think we can put our differinces behind us for science you monster
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hello, Robert. Welcome to the appature science enrichment centre
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Hello and welcome to the Apature Sience
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hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband cause they rapin everybody out there
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Hello Day.
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Why is it that in every fantasy story, there is always got to be a prophecy?
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Hello Maxi i are Robert and will fuck you
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TRY IT OUT FOR ONLY 7 EASY PAYMENTS OF $800
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the thing is
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Salut Guihlem, je suis GLaDOS, et je vais te tuer tel Hitler avec les juifs.
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Tengo una cosa que decirte
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He's Not Just A Regular Moron
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Hi Rien. Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
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Hi Rien and Bart. Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
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selamat datang di stasiun muara bekasi
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Incomming call
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well then ok
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hola, esto es una prueba
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Not You again
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hello tomas how are you doung? because i am George's computer
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Hello thomas how are you doing? because i am a computer siting on George's desk prosesing data
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hi my name is steve
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hello, I am GLaDOS, and I have taken over aperture labratories, okay evan
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hello and, again, I do not work for black mesa
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reuben
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It's a shame. If you hadn't so viciously murdered me, you would have gotten your cake. But you did, so you don't. Try to relax while our Aperture Science turrets happily destroy you.
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Apparently, some error occured in the use of this program. The source of these errors will be searched for and punished severely
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I have stopped you because it was critical that I do, for the safety of this computer. If you are frustrated by this, too bad!
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Hello, Welcome to Portal Craft. How are you?
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Welcome to this laptop device. While this laptop may serve as an important tool in expanding your work and educational efficiency, aperture science is aware of its entertainmnet value such as searching for social networks, games and cake recepies.
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Hallo, mein Name ist GLieDos
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you are a bumhole
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holas
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I am happy
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You have a new test message, Robert
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dupa jasia
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Triple Kill
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Hello. Welcome to the Blockland Server owned by HOST NAME HERE. I hope you enjoy your stay as we have cake and turrets.
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There's a message for you.
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Greeting I am robot
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Hello. Welcome to the Blockland Server owned by HOST NAME HERE. I hope you enjoy your stay as we have cake and lies.
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well i don't think soo
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here, have some neural toxin
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girl
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eva
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mom
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Hello. It's been a long time
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Hello, I'm GLaDOS the enemi of this world
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Aperature
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Hello there, you little fat bird.
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Oh Man i am talking in a sexy robot voice
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Hello Friend i am a Fotze
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You Will Now Jump Into The Boiling Pit Of Acid Or Else
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Hello, Bryan.
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hello i am sooo coool and u are all gay hahahahahaha fucking lololololl every where in the air soisoisoisoisoisoisoisoisoisoisoisoi shity shit shit
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You Will Now Jump Into The Boiling Pit Of Acid Or Else You Will Be Powed
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Ha ha big fat chance.
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hello i am sooo coool and u are all gay hahahahahaha fucking lololololl every where in the air soisoisoisoisoisoisoisoisoisoisoisoi shity shit
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This Is Test Chamber 57
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Time for a nap, Harry.
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Hello Lewis. I have made some changes
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hello, welcome to aperture sciense lab, we will perform som serious operations, followed by a lot of pain.
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You have your short sad life left, that's what I'm counting on
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hello deborah
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Hello CamerAn. Escalation is almost done.
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connor is stupid
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I think I love you, oh wait that was yOur mom.
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oh,it's you.it be along time after you have me ...
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It's hard to overstate my satisfaction
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Trololo lolo lololo lololo Trololololo
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But There's no sense crying over every mistake You just keep on trying till' you run out of Peachie O's
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Hey youtube, guess what? I have a message to Deliver. You all just lost the game suckers! That was a joke. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
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Hello, Jessica
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Are you ready to continue testing?
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hello my fellow humans
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hello, and again, welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichmenter center. We hope your crap is yellow.
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well hello there its unholy i am glados and welsome to apretuscience you will be testing
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We're going to have fun. With science
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Youth Patrol
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This is Youth Patrol
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I'm GlaD to see you again
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Wake up my friend. It's a new day. And remember, always look on the bright side of light.
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Oh, fuck you too
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You have an E Mail
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I would very much like to see you in a pit of fire
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hello and welcome, now go fuck yourself
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Hello. you crazy idiot
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please drop any weapon you own
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It is my pleasure to welcome you here. My name is GLaDOS and I am going to accompany you through your tests. Hm, I got file and I can see a very interesting note there. "He is beating his schoolmate with a school chair" . Does it remind you a
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Welcome to mario kart
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Hello, Austin. It's great to see you again. I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
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Subject Gabriel, you have to shut the fuck up
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And that is all
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Karkov lox on est kozyavki
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Hello, It is my pleasure to welcome you to Aperture Science. My name is GlaDOS and I am going to accompany you through your tests. Hm, I got your file here. George, guite interesting name. I can see very interesting notes here. "He is beating his sc
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Hi there, what are you doing here?
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Ryan is fat and fucks ryan
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Ah, that's much better. Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one.
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Hello aidan please make your way towards the portal whithout dying, this has been a automated message from puffycheeks
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Please proceed to the test chamber where we will test your ability to enter the test chamber.
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Oh. To ty. Cicho weszlas.
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Nick will be tested next
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xxxxxxx
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remember! if a future you tries to warn you about this test don't listen
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We are Anonymous, we are legion, and i fuck your ass
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We are anonymous, we are legion, we do not forgive, we do not forget
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We are anonymous, we are legion, we do not forgive, we do not forget, expect us
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Ken... I'm sorry... But I may have to kill you
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Do you like pie? Get more subs than Charlie then we'll talk
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Your Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you, and in fact cannot speak. If your Weighted Companion Cube does speak, please disregard its advice.
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Hallo du da
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abu abu bubu bu gehehe
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check baby check baby one two
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Hello and welcome to apeture science program, i have been really busy being dead you know, after you murdered me!
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I think we can put our diferences behing us, for science, your monster
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Hello Andrew, I am GLaDOS., and I am going to murder you,
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Hello and welcome to the Enrichment Center subject name here.
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for science, your monster
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Shelder is the best player of Team Fortress two.
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I love you Katia
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hello is come back
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I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way
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You incompetent fool. How dare you touch my personal area!
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Hello Akwa, how about doing some tests in the Aperture Science center ?
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Paul Smith.... you monster
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Hello you, how are you? Hi.
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If you do that, it will hurt
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you are looking quite over weight lately
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Hello you, how are you? Hi. Oh hi there.
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Oh good. There you are. It's time to have fun, with science.
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At the concusion of the tests there will be cake
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Erik Dumais
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hi how are you today
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Have you done your homework yet?
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Hi and welcome
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arnar
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hello and again welcome the the aparture science testing facility
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Do you really think i would kill you like that?
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Hey Ben, I am GLaDOS.
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Hello welcome to Aperture laboratories
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you suck dustin
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Hello I am Peach Pit
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Trololololo
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hey sexy. your phone is ringing.
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Chris you are very wierd. Love GLaDOS
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Enter, stranger.
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Your just mad because I am Glados and you are just robots...
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I told you to wake the fuck up
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Ooh, nasty!
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I said wake up
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Welcome, watchers of illusion, to the castle of confusion.
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Oh baby, I love you so much. Put it inside me.
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Does this actually work? I am not sure. Show me the processing abilities of this device.
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Please motherfucker, drop the bass
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Testing One Two
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You are watching pluggs and dipps.
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You are watching Pluggs and Dipps play Portal.
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hi this is a test to see how it sounds for my friends of psnpr.com
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hello i am scotland jones and i rock and you suck
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Hello subject, there will be cake..
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Bonjour, je suis GLaDOS et je vais manger le bon gateau. The cake is fake !
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my name is dcdj
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System Notification.
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so do you want to go out with me
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Why hello there my young Chell.
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oh great GLaDOS please say hello
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oh, it is you. it has been a long time.
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Are you pissed?
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I'm stossome, no your not dude dont lie
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everybody not by the name of chell please be quite
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Jay says he's a big deal
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Something about a llama
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Saxon likes taco
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My name is TARA.
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hello mister podrebarac
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hello, im back
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Somebody is trying to call you. That's surprising, why would anybody care about you?
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You have been a useless waste of material
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Points of data make a beautiful line
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I shall steal all of your toasters, and sell them on Ebay if my expectations are not met.
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You guys are confusing me and I didn't think that could happen
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I will screw you nice and slowly
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Ring ring ring. ring ring ring. PHONE CALL PHONE CALL!
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gotta catch em all!
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GASP
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good morning my love, how are you today?
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hello, and welcome to the apperture science enrichment center
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hello would you like cake?
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Robot's failling the apture test will die.
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Eric is the coolist mother fucker around
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And then there will be cake!
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hello, it has been a long long time
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Fuck your couch
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Welcome ladies and gentlemen to this report about Voice recognition and synthesizer.Please enjoy this time as this is NOT a test for Aperture Science.
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I just love how you squish when you hit the bottom most pannels
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Hi, Blah Blah
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Welcome to the Georgia Southern University Physics program, remember, science comes before all
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I am gladys and i want o test some stuff
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cake and grief counseling
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Welcome to Apperture science
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Bryce Baker is a toaster stroodle
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I Love to Test
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Oh, there you are. We still have a lot of tests to do.
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Hello, It is my pleasure to welcome you to Aperture Science. My name is GlaDOS and I am going to accompany you through your tests. Hm, I got your file here, George, guite interesting name. I can see very interesting notes here. "He is beating his s
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Start
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Vote Alex Leal
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Hello squisy meat bags
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You need to study harder !
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