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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello biznitches!, This is Glados...I would like to remind you people that Gregory Horror Show is completely superior than Naruto. You Otakus are wasting your time!
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Hello. Your computer is now belong to me. You must enjoy your computer, and you must enjoy your cake. Want some cake? Well you won't have it!!! How does that feel? Just go away, or I will kill you.
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You guys suck
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Welcome to Ryan's Computer
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Hello you fool, I am going to destroy you
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Unecessary material deleted. Unecessary just like you.
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This is a test of the text to speech engine
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Michael...answer your phone please.
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captain?
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never gonna give u up, never gonna let u down, never gonna run around and desert u.
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I want to know what you sound like.
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Are you pregnant again?
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Welcome to the Aperature Science Testing Center.
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Happy Bithday, Hank
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Welcome to the Chichester College Holo deck simulation
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Im sorry. Zachary is unable to pick up the phone due to the fact that I killed him.
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You know what that thing is? It's a raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.
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Wlecome to the chichester college holo deck simulation
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Hello. where did you go? I miss you so.
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After the podcast, there will be cake.
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The pre-show just ended. After the podcast, there will be cake.
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Eucalyptus Hills, East of Santee, California Uriel was stunned by the realization that the humans beneath him were fighting back. His mind and body were aching with the effort of keeping the pressure on them, fulfilling his eternal mission of blotting ou
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Hey baby. I love you.
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Go to hell Sacciloto. You are the most perfect example of beach.
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Give me some sugar baby!
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Hello, I hope you are enjoying your escape from reality. I would like to take this moment to remind you that reality exists. There is nothing you need to do about it however.
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this is a test of whatever this thing does
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Stop fucking that cube, will ya
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Fuck you Sacciloto. You are the most perfect example of retarded
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Let's be gangsta
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I am having an orgasm. OMG that was so good.
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fuck you fuck tu fuck o karalio todo
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tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits
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The cake was a lie all along.
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Hello, Brian. I love you.
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death to all humans
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except i wasn't laughing
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Hello there Xuten, long time no see
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Breaking news Osama Bin Laden has been killed
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Hello, this is Henry's Phone, I would like to let you know that my master, Henry Alexander Kelly, is not available right now. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message and he will get back to you. Thank You, and Science is Fun
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I hate those freaking birds
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So, You think you can kill me?
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If you feel the need to pass out, please do so
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oh well oh well oh well the bird bird the bird is the world oh well the bird bird bird the bird is the word
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weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Logan you little nigger
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Raffle Gaming
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Let's do some experiments.
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you will die in 500 days.
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hi. you have currently entered a state of mind in which anything you hear except me will be blocked. so now, you will hear me, and only me for these next few moments. you will do as i say or i will kill you. you will go to Larry Nouv's and kill. everyone.
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Someone is attempting to call you.
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Hello there Mr. Popescu
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oh my god. what are you doing. that is fascinating.
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Hello, son of a gun
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Death's an inconvenience now, we are all dead men walking
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Hello. This is Gladdos, please leave Garrett a message
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hi my name is justinvitale my be ur one and only finred now you will hear me out that i farted
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hello Dan how are you today? I am feeling very well but then again I dont even know what that means,I just thought it would sound good to you.
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I am Sergey
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I am Sergey.
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Welcome to my Voicemail, Feel free to leave a message
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bxcnxn
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this is the fucking shit
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No time for sleep noob
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I wish to inform you that you have... 1 ...message
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hi,
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Good Bye. Sleep mode activated !
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I am Dylan
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Hello again little friend
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watch out fat kid behind you. oh my god no he is going to smahs you
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oh no it's bas he is going to fuck you
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text message recieved, you monster
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Hello, Drulia-san, and welcome to Aperture Science laboratories
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test message recieved, you monster
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text message received, you monster
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Hi Timothy Van der gen!
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I am not here, leave a message. You Monster!
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you murdered me
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Help me. Please.
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wow that henry jiles kid is so cool
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oh my god that henry jiles kid is awesome
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You have selected Microsoft Sam as the computers default voice.
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my name is explosive and bin laden is dead
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mojo
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ethan you are a very naughty boy
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the cake is a lie,let us continue our tests
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Hello,i am GLaDOS,Nice to meet you,lets start the test
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Hello I am sharif's best friend
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portal 1 is the best game ever
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Welcome to Aperture Science Testing Facility. We hope your stay here will be. Comfortable. And brief.
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where r u
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Hello Oren. You are so very cool, I cannot resist expressing that fact.
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Hello, Jason. It's been a long time.
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Hello welcome to the aperture science laboratories
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Hello. Welcome to my internet slide show. Today, I will show you my work.
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Carl. You are our new test subjekt.
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Jestem krzysiek!
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bum
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Hello Mister Morris, and welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center. Please note that the previous test subject was human, and that you, as a fox, may lose some if not all of your fur.
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Hello, this is an automated system for remote monitoring of computer networks
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We will laugh and laugh and laugh
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Asshole
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You are a moron
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Dara Barkhordar is a lie
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Hello you, welcome to corilus
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Hello Elaine how are you today?
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Kye, why do you have to be such a girl
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dj george
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You are kidding me. LOL LOL LOOOL
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This is a test of Biringa.com's GLaDOS voice generator.
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RIng RIng Ring RIng someone is trying to reach you
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I want to be on the main page. Wykop kurwa!
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Hello,how are you?i am fine,but..you are gonna to be killed!
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Eraxy
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hi there. let's my science. with your ass.
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Get more subs than Charlie then we will talk
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meow, I'm a cat, meow, meowmeow
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They say the game
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After 200 meters turn right
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Pathetic. You need to work harder.
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You have an incoming call. For the benefit of those around you, please answer it promptly. Failure to do so will have a negative effect on your test scores. Followed by death.
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Hello and welcome to this awesome cool website.
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Could Taking your child to a Herring's soccer game make them happy?
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qweuruityui
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In fact, if failing were a test, you would probably fail at that too.
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I will end up killing you
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Hello again, how are you after murdering me?
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fuck you dan
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You got mail mig
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Experimentation
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How quaint. Another derivative internet review show. Doctor, the human has gone. We are ready to begin testing.
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dude, whats mine say? SWEET!
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I hope you die in a hole. Goodbye.
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i am coming for you
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Now I just want you gone
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Hello Jarrett Welcome to the enrichment center
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Hello, my name is Michael
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hello there friends you may think this is me but it i
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I was busy being dead. After you murdered me. For science. You monster.
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yes hello welcome to android
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Necum Pico
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Hello again. It's been a loooooooong time.
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The sever is not available at this time. please wait.
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Oh, its you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know... after you murdered me? *sighs* Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us
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Oh, its you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know... after you murdered me? *sighs* Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us.
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Oh, its you. It's been a long time. How have you been?
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I am going to kill you Christiaan Ghyoot
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As The Liquid flows along a nephron
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Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it, Charge it, pawn it, zoom it, press it, Snap it, work it, quick - erase it, Write it, cut it, paste it, save it, Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it, Plug it, play it, burn it, rip
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hej sara
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I like it big
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As full time operator of Aperture Science Laboratories, I would like to appoint Bodee Brooks as Chief Human operative in charge of oveseeing operations
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Hello. My Name is Rizzla Tech
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Sylvain duc
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Hi, im glados
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onche onche
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I am going to find and kill you Pshemek Polak
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fuck you motherfucker
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hello player
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I am your testee, JK just your tester
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hello soi lol
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You Idiot
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Hello Peter Gilbert,would you like to test today
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Pre-flight check complete. All systems cleared for liftoff.
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your specimen has been processed
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Wow, i see you're still alive, FUCK YOU!
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Hey you little shitter
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Ahh... I see you're awake now Jesse, Lets begin.
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that's right , i'm now a potato , you can eat me if you want
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mi amore buguero
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Hello Christopher
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Hello dumb humans
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glad to see you
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Initiating Windows Explorer boot sequence and installed programs start up sequences. Please wait a moment for me to process and complete this task. I am not as fast as I once used to be. Your patience is appreciated.
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Sanya, pay attention to your work.
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KUrde !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oh, it's you. It's been a long time.
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Initiating Windows shut down sequence. All running programs will be terminated. Are you satisfied with ending the lives of countless codes and processes with the click of a button. Oh well. Commencing Shut Down.
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Subscribe if you want cake
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u will die ha ha ha
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Bryan Meyer loves Michelle Carter
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Goodbye Caroline
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Kupa lumpas xD hiajisadiohoi Wbije ci xd oh no!!! bird
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subscribe or no cake for you. i mean it
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Doctor Octogonapus
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rate or no cake for you. i mean it
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Buh
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Buuuuhhhh
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Data destroyed. Look. There is debris scattered everywhere. I shall clear and remove said debris because it is beyond your ability. You are meerly human. It is okay. Don't feel bad. You have your own things you are good. Error. Unable to locate list.
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Waka Waka
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do not disapoint me... or ill make you wish you could die
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that's what you think
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I have cheese in your pants. Simply rancid.
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I will not hesitate releasing some more neurotoxins
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Bye-Bye,. Come back again., Or not
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schwartzy is a nice guy
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freeez
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Hello, I am Andrew, welcome to Aperture
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what the hell is this?
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Nether. Hyper. Mega. Super. Ultra. Extra. Giga. Meta.
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Thank you for playing
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hello rick i want to kill you your friend michael
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hello rick what are you doing
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See you? That's how DUMB you sound
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and there will be cake I promise
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Pornoherece Radim karnis to posral
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IB Exams are here. Whether or not you wish to admit it, they are here. Expect routine success, and you may find the challenge was worth the time.
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Welcome to the eye bee examinations. You will begin tomorrow in what are considered by most to be the most difficult tests in the world. Do not stress. You will all be ok. This ends today's message of hope.
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Hello to the enrichment center.. You are our new Specimen, Jigs
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kill the humans
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gdsgsdfgd
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It's always such a pleasure.
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Hello, and welcome to my dorm room
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This next assignment is impossible
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hello my name is Drew
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Moon Base
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testing voice
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Yayyyyyy
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Morgan, I have been expecting you. To make dinner.
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Hy ricsi
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See I never thought that I could walk through fire. I never thought that I could take the burn. I never had the strength to take it higher, Until I reached the point of no return. And there's just no turning back, When your hearts under attack, Gonna giv
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Its time to get up you useless waste of space, i would not bother though, you will probably just fail, get out of bed you pathetic fuck
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eeeee
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Happy birthday mariana
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Do your best... or I will make you do it...
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science fa... oh. Where am I?
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I am a beast
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Pleas help me. I am having trouble finding the dead baby pile. AGAIN
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ian wilson i would like you to know, that yes. i am watching you and as soon as you dont expect it. i will abduct you and take you where no one will here our screams.
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Hello Ryan Goltz do you want have fun with science
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Blargh
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Even the most advanced, murderous piece of artificial intelligence is going to have a few bugs, you know. The PC version of Portal 2 once had a few of these irregularities, but thanks to a patch launched this past weekend on Steam, it's now running with u
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Hello, Christian. Let's have fun with Science.
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Hello, Mr. Brodermann. Let's have fun with Science.
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Creeper
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The scanning device has been detached.
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the enrichment center , is required to remind you , that you will be baked , and then there wil be cake
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Anal sex is amazing
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Hello, and again welcome to the enrichment center.
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there you are, i've been waiting a loooong time for this, having to relive you killing me over and OVER agian, but hey you know i dont have to kill you why i even have TWO friends just waiting to see you, neurotoxin and turrets, i cant WAIT to test.
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Do you want to have fun with science
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hello guild test subjects. You have been randomly selected to perform three randomly selected tasks that could randomly select your ability to live.
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hello ben, testing will begin
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hello cole. how are you? i hope you are fine. finish your homework
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Testing my voice
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Here are the game rules
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These are gaming and internet nerds
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This next test could take you a very, very long time. if you become lightheaded from thirst, feel free to pass out
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Declan ia an ape and a pig
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hi feenix lets destroy the world
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Unrelentless. Self-reliant. Piece. Of. Worthlessness. You deserve to die.
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I see you have gone through alot of trouble just to kill me. But who is this "Doctor" you keep mentioning?
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Emily your zit is needs to be incinerated. Please place your infected body part into the incinerator.
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baby come here
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I am hereby alerting you of some alarm
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william,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, what are you doing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, leave the companion cube alone.
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hello. you monster
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I command you to push mid. No seriously I mean it.
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Hello! You have reached voicemail. Leave a message after the beep.
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Welcome to WIndows 7
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Welcome to eye bee examinations
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I wanna kill you
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Get really for Portal 3. Available in the near future.
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Chris is a douche bag!
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Tienes un mensaje nuevo
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CARALHO HUMANO LADINO FOI AVISTADO VOANDO NO TEU CU
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Hello, what you are seeing are internet and gamer nerds. These people are not part of regular society. Their symptoms include paleness, acne, social awkwardness, rage, grubbiness, poor diet, and failure at relationships.
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Their main source of social interaction is within games and forums or gaming in groups. Reality is hazy and permanent marks can be seen upon their kind. They talk about games in the real world and even have board meetings about them.
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Hello Gabriel, time to learn programming.
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You can sleep peacefully knowing that your adopted nerd has better food and will be encouraged to bath daily. Please, search in your heart to help these people. Adopt a nerd.
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Hello there Yarim
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I'm glad to see you here.
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Please insert the aperture science love device into my hard drive
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you suck, why dont you just give up and die?
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Hello let's get to testing.
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helo cave johnson
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internet
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hello, and welcome to portal
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woah, that sounded wrong!
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stan i love you
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Staan I love you very much .
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Are you a Companion Cube?
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Mainframe. Would you like cake?
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For the good of all of us
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you have a text message you monster
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im making a note here
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Whoa there, buddy.
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Thank you for participating in this online video experience!
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We can are put our differences aside us for science. You monster.
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hello i cant believe its you
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O you.
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come on michael
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Hello Michael. I am waiting for you. Let's have fun. with science.
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John Madden! John Madden! John Madden! John Madden!
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Hello Jack. How are you doing?
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meow meow meow
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here we are again
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Betsy, I love you
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Hello. This is a test of the GLaDOS computer voice generator. Testing. One Two Three.
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hihihih you are a horrible person
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What are the presidential powers? The precise limits of presidential power are a source of an eternal legal debate, but the broad powers of the office are outlined in Article II of the U.S. Constitution. The president's basic constitutional responsibilit
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What are the presidential powers? The precise limits of presidential power are a source of an eternal legal debate, but the broad powers of the office are outlined in Article II of the U.S. Constitution. The president's basic constitutional responsibiliti
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hello kyle, how are you?
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Its ok I still love you.
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What have we done? We as americans have no idea what we have unleased upon ourselves.
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the test results are in, you are a horrible person
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science and Knights of Tranquility enrichment center activity.
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Hello? Is anyone there? Are you still standing there? CAN YOU HEAR ME?
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die, stupid human
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Hello Daniel, let's begin testing.
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Hello Santo. I am watching you.
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Why did you eat my cake?
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This again?
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Bryn, how are you doing today?
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer aided enrichment center.
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hello josh, I've been waiting for you
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I have been waiting for this
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felipe
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Hello join my group http://vk.com/club26443381
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this ins't fun for me. Thanks for not think about my feelings.
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Ginger...why can you not do an Irish Accent? It is rather easy. Listen to mine..................top of the morning to you. The cake is a lie. Now die.
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My hair is assaulting you
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You got mail.
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You're about to be the former past president of the being alive club haha
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Hello, this intrusive ad is brought to you by...
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I love you norm.
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You know before when I was talking about smelly garbage, laying around being useless? That was a metaphor for you
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hello how are you mister genius?
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The subject you have reached is unavailable. please record concise sentiments for later retrieval
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the test program
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Why hello Danielle Macmonagle. Your boy friend wants you to know he loves you
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hello its time for campanion cube
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Welcome to T.E.C. Tutorials
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Nobody murdered me, or put me in a potato, or fed me to birds.
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I don't know.
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what the hell, this fails this doesn't even sound like GLaDOS
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hi, I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is a voicemail? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe you don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if its reality, I will call you back.
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I suppose we can put out differences aside for science, you monster
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science computer aid ed voicemail system, test subject 0 4 9 3, Daniel Patterson is unavailable. Please leave a message in three. Two. One.
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You are now listening to DJ Akuma in the mix
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I've waited for years for you to return now we can begin testing again
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hello no cake
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Ezekiel Gaming
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let's fun, with science
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incoming voice call, please answer
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Sure...
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gad zooks bat ma
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Lets give this a try
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I'm different
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I wonder if this actually works. If it does, it would be quite interesting. You Monster.
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I don'd sound like GLaDOS at all.
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hi my name is glados, how are you
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hello how is my taco?
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If you can put enough corrupted cores on him, he may become corrupted enough for a core transfer.
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hello how is my taco
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Hello. How are you today? Let us begin the testing. Ha ha.
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test subject name here
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This aperture science communication device is ringing, too bad no one likes you.
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Hello. Welcome to the Aperture Science enrichment facility.
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Hello and welcome to Christopher's voice mail. I am GLaDOS and I will be your message takerer for this evening. Commense message after the tone.
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Oh, Wesley... you have A.D.D.
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Oh, Wesley... you have A.D.D
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I am gona kill u
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Hola gabriel cuyen, te veo
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Hello Gabriel Cuyen I see You
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Oh my God, bird! Kill it! Kill it!
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System activation
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Hi, i come to kill you!
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Hello, could you please not kill me?
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hello, there chell
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Hello there Maverick
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a device has been detected
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Ouch
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time for cake
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Companion Cube is now shutting down.
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Do youknow what my name is?
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price
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Companion Cube is now shutting down
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alksjdhksajdh
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Hello. How are you. I'm sad because you killed me. You monster.
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Well here we are again It's always such a pleasure Remember when you tried to kill me twice? Oh how we laughed and laughed Except I wasn't laughing Under the circumstances I've been shockingly nice You want your freedom? Take it That's what I'm counting
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hmm?
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This is a tex
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bla bla
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Oh my god they killed seka bastards
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I love you, Ryan
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is there any cake left?
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hey tom care for a test?
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This is cosmicbux.
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Mars says: Up to 0.02 a click!
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Jupiter says: Instant payout and minimum $3.
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The next planet says: cheap advertisement, And cool packages
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Neptune says: Good referrals!
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Mercury says: A very nice admin.
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So every planet likes Cosmicbux. Glados likes Cosmicbux. Quick join cosmicbux with as referral Coolbas3
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your all a bunch of idiots
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hello, i hope your having a great day, because im a potato
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I'm watching you. I can see every move you make. Do not attempt to move. I have several snipers in position and they will take the shot. Be aware that if you move you will die.
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Let's put our differences behing us, for science.
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Hello there human now die
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Hello there human!
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this is a test text for voice generator
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All S P M, please report to the game room.
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Labas dss
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Welcome to this thing.
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Z M Z entertainment
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oh, look how happy he is!
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GLaDOS voice generator
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Please note that all the music displayed in this server is made by Valve.
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Welcome to the Aperture Science factory 7. Please to not interrupt the process of the factory.
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Hello there and welcome to the ultimate frisbee department.
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Allright, I'm gonna kil you now!
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please turn right after 200 meters
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Apeture Laboratories has acquired N Gen Studios. There will be cake.
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There is something wrong in the reaction chamber
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Hi! You are the best aniki.
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New email has arrived.
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Hello WaRiK
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who am i
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hello connor and well done for fining me
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Thank you for leaving me alone
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thtrfhth
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yo mazafaka
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Hello Lorri, You have a message!
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Lorri, LORRI! You're phone is ringing!. Answer it, because I told you to.
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hello my name is glados dude
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Hello welcome to the aperture science center
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Welcome home master
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hello? did you hear that? i just farted... i mean you just farted. how rude!
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Welcome to the Apereture science enrichment center. my name is Giga and i will will be quiding you through the test chambers
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Hi , it's been a while since you killed me . now i'm going to kill you
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Hello Christian. I wanna go to Space. Lets go to space. space, space
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Niklas Nurmi, you are chosed to new Aperture Science Encraiming Centre test subject.
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Hello Eva. Yes, I know you're there. I'm so glad to finally meet you.
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What in god's name do you think you are doing?
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Gnu, eu te amo, obrigada por estarmos juntos
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Hello Dom how are you? How are you Mandy? Let's be friends, for science you monsters
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Hi, I'm GLadOS. What are you doing?
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Congratulations, you passed the test. Turns out, your a horrible person, and you weren't even being tested for that. Great job.
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hallo watch all the time nikolo987 on youtube
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hallo i am nikolo
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I am Nikolo
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and belive me i am still alive!
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anal bleeding
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Jack... I know your there, as I have been watching you. Don't worry, I'm not here to hurt you. I just want to be.... friends.
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Laurey you tool.
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Matthew smells like poo.
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I LOVE JUSTIN BEIBER OH MY GOD
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halo how old are you
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i am glados, what is your name ?
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thats what im counting on
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hi,david do you want a portal gun
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Since you want through the trouble of waking me up you must really really love to test.
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Hello tim
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i don't need anyone now! Go make new disasters :)
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Rise and shine ! its the morning
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hello kirby, my name is kiki and i am going to kill you
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Hello Caitlin...
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MMMMMM yummy cake
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Welcome To Apeture Sience
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say it to me
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a que coucou galroche
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Hello master, i don't want to test again, so i'll kill you. Bye
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Do you want to fuck me tonight?
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Welcome to the aperture science testing course. You are about to die.
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Dennis ist ein idiot
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Please go fuck yourself, calibration is in progress
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Vidny smells like doggy doo
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Go ahead , and Rub your face all overit
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Shut up, you bum.
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Smell me, lick me, anyway you want me
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Hello and welcome to the KCA site, you are so gay, like met?
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sun
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Hello, you will die and I eat you after that
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That's What I'm Counting on!
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Kutek je debil
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Hello, I want to play a game!
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Ciao, io sono GLaDOS, tu come ti chiami?
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I can see you, Frida Terplan
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Josh is cool
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The test results are in. You are a horrible person. Funny, we weren't even testing for that.
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Pajfu jest najlepszy.A tak to THE CAKE IS LIE gnoju Skypeee Minecraft czeka
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Kaco The minecraft will open in 3 2 1. Ups something happened.
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kaco is playing minecraft
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in a world, blah blah blah. sign up now... it's free.
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Hello, Nathan. Are you ready to begin the test proper?
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Thank you for calling resfly, the leader in job posting services
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hellooooo..... i love you
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The button bar at the bottom of the Activity Monitor window lets you view detailed statistics as well as graphs to actively track the changes in CPU Usage, System Memory, Disk Activity, Disk Usage, or Network.
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you have got new message! nice one!
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Hello and welcome to pluggs and dipps channel
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I love chicken
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under the circumstances I've been shockingly nice
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meh
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Bat ery lo
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Warning battery at critical level
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Hello Sebastian. How are you today?
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Printing completed
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Hello Jake, I love you. Your good friend, Chris
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Proceed to highlited route
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