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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Haha, look at you Logan, trying to make me speak.
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Don't fail this test. Make me happy. I love you. Just kidding,
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Hello there, and welcome to Brandon's Minecraft: Portal Custom Map. We suggest you to be ready, and do not worry, at the end of all of the testing, there will be cake. Good luck, you're going to need it.
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Harrow there
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The Enrichment Center Reminds you to remove all piercings and jewelry before attempting to pass throught the aperture science material emancipation grid
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hello lovely
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hi it's me
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i can see you are tired.
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You cheated. There is no honor in that. Go back and do it again!
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Its time for more funnels. Oh wait, I never finished making this test. I guess we will have to stop. Forever. Just kidding, Let me raise the floor for you.
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Hello, and welcome.
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I really like the way you smell.
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sup GGGG
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you smart alec, you'll always fail
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HI IM DOMINIQUE HOW ARE YOU?
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Im wet
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Dan has an exceptionally large jewfro.
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Detente! vas a matarnos!
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welcome to mi video
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Oh hi, I didn't see you
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Hello, and welcome to Loading.se
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shit brick
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Are you nervous, Roxanne? This tests is really really hard, but I'm sure you will do quite fine. Just make sure you don't fail.
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so here you are again, look at YOU, you are evil pure evil now go!
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Hello Reed
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hello and welcome to the time capsule
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hello you have found me, however there is no cake...ha ha ha...now what
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Ross is a newb
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Hello. friend your a sentry turret thing that needs to take a shower
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Entering your email is a way for the server to notify you about the completion of the process.
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I have a question for you.
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hello, my name is gokul
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Congratulations, you have successfully completed the power hour. Normally this would be the end. But you see the cake is a lie, and there are still many more songs. So drink up mother fuckers
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When I said "deadly neurotoxin," the "deadly" was in massive sarcasm quotes.
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Na mivan te seggfej
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hello truth
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Hello there. Would you like to play a game?
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by Emrys
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Help! I am stuck inside of a macintosh, and I'm, scared
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Bryan, why don't you want to play me anymore?
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Welcome P-body And Atlas. This final test is impossible. Make no a temp to Solve it.....HEY I SAID DON'T SOLVE IT U DOUCHE!
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Welcome P-body And Atlas. This final test is impossible. Make no a temp to Solve it.....HEY I SAID DON'T SOLVE IT U DOUCHE! *sigh* THE CAKE IS NOT A LIE NOW DONT SOLVE IT
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Life gave me lemons. Life learned it's lesson.
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what the hell is wrong
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This is Frames of Mind
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helooooo
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Hello Tomodachi
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Perfectly Unstable
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Perfectly Unstoppable
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hello im gay fuck shit airsoft
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What do you think about sharks... they don't kill people that try to help them
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Hello and welcome to the
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LOL BROKEN FEATURE
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hello massben
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Hello. Are you ready to test Subject Siefer?
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welcome, test subject 10423
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I wish I could high five you in the face
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Make a u turn when you want some cake
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Hello Sally, you really should pay more attention to me
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im going to kill you now
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I love you Jeremy and want to have hot sweaty robot sex with you.
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Zajebiste to jest
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WASSUP!
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Hello, There you are
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Hello, and again. Welcome to the aperture science center
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Would you like a potato?
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I love you more than anything, Natalia
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Natalia i love you more than anything
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Lucas it's time for dinner.
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Sammy, what do you want to eat?
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Welcome to the Aperture main Data Base, user: Vanckor
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happy birthday Dan there will be cake
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Well here we are again It's always such a pleasure Remember when you tried to kill me twice?
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Hello Kevin,how are you?
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Even so, I permitted myself - or even lapsed into - moments of we8kness, commanding my pawns to first touch her thighs, her tightly-uniformed arms... they su8dued her far slower than they could have...
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I have cake
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Psychic domin8tion of a multitude can 8e overwhelming. In the feed8ack of so many senses I can lose focus, I can lose myself. I know this only too well, and accordingly kept adamant rein on the 8loodthirsty masses. Even so, I permitted myself - or even la
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Psychic domination of a multitude can be overwhelming. In the feedback of so many senses I can lose focus, I can lose myself. I know this only too well, and accordingly kept adamant rein on the 8loodthirsty masses. Even so, I permitted myself - or even la
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caleb what are you doing
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i would like surf and turf please.
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hi corey i am your meanspin partner
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When you pass this test, maybe you will loose some weight!
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i'll have the captains plate.
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eat my cheese
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l sugest that you have the pasta babe. Good people have the pasta.
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I think I'm going to eat your cake.
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I love you Alexandre
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friday friday gotta get down on friday
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I love you Alexandre Neron !
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please check your message
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this is a triumph you are epic
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its okay. i guess i might just have to figure out another way to make your life miserable.
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the cake is in the frontroom
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The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice
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Fuck me hard baby
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How are you holding up? Because I'm a POTATO!
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fuck me hard baby yesssss
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Hello, would you like some cake? well that is too bad because you must die.
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You know what, I love you.
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fuck you benjaim franklain
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Hello devin i hope you had a great day not i hope you will get shot in the head hahahha just kidding i love you
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Hello Rogelio. How have you been?
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What will happen to me
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Oh sex you so funn
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Hello and again, welcome to the Ludi Profluentes-aided Enrichment Center. On behalf of Frankie and Joey, you are welcomed. The Ludi-Profluentes-aided Enrichment Center testing will begin in 3...2...1.
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Chell, I gotta fart
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Hello, Reiband.
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get away from me you monster!
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Welcome to U T A radio dot com
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Hello you fine specimens
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Hello Jessica.
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Hello Jessica. I heard that you have been poking your son. You should stop it or else..
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Hello, and welcome to the Aparture Science Departement. Ready to die?
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Starting up
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Ohh.... it's you.
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You know, I've had fun with you all. Remember the good times we had. Like when you mocked me. And insulted me. And made me inferior. I only wish I could repay my debt.
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I love to smell feet a lot
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I am a Messed up and self centred its me GLaDOS
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oh it's you. It's been a long time.
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Hello, Test subject.
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Avocado. In the interest of science, I will become a potato.
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you dumb crack
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Vajina
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The Enrichment Center is committed to the well-being of all participants. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
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hello claudia
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Remember when we tried to kill you?,we were just kidding.
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What's up my homies.
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Hello, I am Dia
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efefefefsff
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Welcome To Call Of duty black ops
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Hello, this is swordgames and today i bring to you a Portal 2 Gameplay video
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Hello cricket
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bajs
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why me?
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Activating Steam Game Client
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Excuse me. But you need to update my core.
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Hey, Judy, I watch you when you shower.
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System
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HEY YOU, with the Wireless Cellular Device. You have a New Text message!
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hello there my friend
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I'm making a note here, huge success.
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todo bien
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go make some new disasters
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Hello Moke
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hi, this is a test, i love to test
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Hi, Cave johnson here
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Hahahaha!!!Do you know why I'm laughing?I just farted.
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I'm sorry, Reed. I can't do that.
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Greetings and welcome, I want to play a game
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well son of a bich
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I Love You My Friend OH wait i Lied I don't Like you one Bit
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It looks like you should hug Claire.
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I love this person. This person is someone with me right now... Whats that look for? ... OH. HAHA! You thought I meant you?! Wow, you are more stupid than I thought.
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Come on, bring it.
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Welcome test subject 1242
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GOOD NEWS! Severe storm in Eastland & Stephens has moved out of the viewing area! Still watching the cell in Haskell moving toward the NW side of Throckmorton County
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Why hello there Alex. I have personally came here to inform you that you, my friend, are a complete tool. That is all.
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My name is glados and my is stinky and hairy
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nom nom nom nom, babies!
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Hallo GlaDOS ich binn es
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Hallo GlaDOS ich binn es.
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Bubblegum rhino dance hats
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Hello This is Glados Speaking Thank you for comeing out tonight up next AnonymousX
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Audrey is stupid
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hello justen why havent you orderd portals two yet there is cake do you not want cake what is wrong with you dont you like cake
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buy portals two
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Dlaczego to nie dziala?
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tg.lu
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Hola,soy Glados,y soy un robot,asi que vamos a hacer unas pruebas,si te parece...
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Hi,i am Glados from Aperture Science
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Good, You're awake! We have a big day planned.
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Hi, sup.
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Welcome, user. Windows will start in seconds. Please wait.
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YOU ARE A FUKING NOOB, THANKS
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Welcome, user. Windows will start in seconds. Please wait!
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Hello It's you again
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oh great, I am a potato again.
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PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH
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PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH
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Get more subs than Charlie. Then we'll talk
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Hallo Freunde
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Brendy, you are cute.
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Okay how did this work
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hello and again welcome to the apeture science
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Hello subject 12345 you cannot escape the force
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Joe you have been baned from getting portal 2. If i were human I would act sorry now.
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hello james, how are you doing this fine day, why don't you start your work now!
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I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP
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POCK YOU
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Hello behrooz zakeri, good morning
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Hello Baz, good morning and welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center
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I'm not even going to hide it subtly anymore. You are fat. Fat. F A T. Yes, i'm being deadly serious.
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hello evan, how was your sleep
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hello my name is cicely
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blackfly
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This really is the game for you, Melanie. Don't mind me. Just keep playing.
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Hey noob you are a randy B.K
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word
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Andy - you are banned from Portal.
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hell is mine
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I love you. You monster.
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Awesome! I love [INSERT SUBJECT'S FAVORITE FOOD HERE]!
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Hello My name is jack chase
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Hello everybody.
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mail motherfucker
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Hello Suleiman
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Hello charlie
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Hello Cosmin, how are you?
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Hello Cosmin, how are you? I am verry happy to see that you are not on drugs and are dowing well in school!
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why dont you die?
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Get more subs than charlie then we'll talk
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Penny is fairly cool
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This next song is impossible to survive.
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just to say, the next text will probably kill you.
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Wow Henry Giles is awesome
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center. Please mind the gap and proceed into your designated toilet cubicle. Thank you.
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Number 54
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Hello! I am you friend!
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hello you have bin chosen for testing well done
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Hello Bingi, How have you been? I would like to test you, so could you please come to David's room?
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Hello Ashley, how are you?
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I'm a sexy robot, solder my circuits. Oh yeah, like that. Insert that floppy disk.
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James Goodchild, are the weakest link - Wait what?!
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unfortunately i am not equipped with a robot oraphis so we cannot fournicate
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Welcome to apature science 2011, (test subject name here).
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Welcome to the apature science lol lol lol
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This next test require cooperation
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Oh my god, subject name here is awesome
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Assassin
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I am very sorry that i cannot operate the enrichment centre but i am being told by mummy GLaDOS to complete my homework project set by the enrichment centre teacher bots.
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Hello Kendra you are the new Aperture science test subject
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Hello, Welcome to the Apeture Science enrichment center. remove your pants and bend over
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Hallo du verdammter Wixxer
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I want to kill me
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hello ben. i am GLaDoS
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teszt
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It is a shame you did not come out last night. Would have been god to see you. Love you!
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Get more subs than charlie, then we'll talk
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What the fuk its a shlok moovie
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Hello Henry, I am GLaDOS
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Dylan, you are fat
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Hello, I am GLaDos and you are my friend.
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Nick you are a better test subject than anyone else. Well done.
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You have received one text message.
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Hey guys!
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go get it yourself
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you got a message, but do not read
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Marc is not here right now, please leave a message and enjoy some cake.
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i am a monkey
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Welcome Kyle, I hope you've enjoyed your time playing Portal. I know that you are sad that there is no cake but don't cry. I still got some of your mom's cake last night, ha ha. You suck Kyle.
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Hi hows it going
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The door will open in three. Two. One.
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hello brittney how have you been?
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lets try it out
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WELL HELLO THERE NATHAN MY NAME IS GLaDOS AND THE CAKE IS A LIE
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You are ter-awesome
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Cam, this is the Enrichment Centre. You have a text message.
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hello and welcome to aperture sience
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Welcome to the aperature science black hole testing environment.
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ohhai
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture computer aided enrichment center.
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i like it also
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture computer aided enrichment center
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Hola Sadie
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Line and Camilla. You should really try the Portal games some time. They are great
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Armed and dangerous.
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Please pick up the Aperture science hand held portal device. This chamber is currently being built so don't be alarmed if you are crushed by a giant piston.
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Hello Jad. Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Laboratory.
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oooooooaaaauuuu
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There is no cake for you
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welcome miguel
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welcome, miguel
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Hellloo !
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U are Gay
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you moron
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Hello Testsubject
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Hi my name is Nathan. how are you?
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Hi, Whats up, im glados. gmod 11 is the new kick ass thing.
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Hey weener!
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Drei Typen
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get
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Hello Bobby. You fail at life. How can you be so positive with such failure i wonder.
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I know what your trying to do Kate, and if you think its going to work you better stop it, right now.
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You are so sexy. Tom.
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Why are you being a cunnn?
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Why are you being a
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Hello, I'm GLaDOS.
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You have new e-mail.
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i am bad
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Hello, James. Testing will begin in 5, 4, 3, 2...
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Hallo its me
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Cats
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duh
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Let's have some fun this beat is sick I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.
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i am sooo gay
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i am so gay
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Domo origato, mister roboto
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Hello. This is creepy. How are you? I feel like I'm writing a tweet, but I get one hundred fifteen more characters.
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Get more subs than Charlie, then we'll talk.
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Please go and jump in the hole, it would make me very happy.
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hello it is time to begin the tests
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Would you like to play a game of chance?
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Invalid message: One of the words is in the word filter list.
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hello I want to kill you
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lool
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Hello Maureen. I am GLaDOS, Etienne's spirit. He doesn't to tell you, but I will. He loves you. There it is. He probably will want to kill me, so don't say where you aknowlege that. See you ! (In hell)
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it's fun to stay at the ymca
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good evening andrew mason
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why hello
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Does this work properly
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Aperture Motors, the futur, now !
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Hello, ning fighters it's monday. Now it is time to think with portals!
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Hello, and welcome to the aperture science computer aided voicemail system. The test subject you were trying to reach, Steven Chapman. is unavailable.
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so what are you waiting for?
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Necrovision is best Developer.
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Hello, Boromir. You are the chosen one. You must still alive!
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Hello my name is Virginia.
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I'm so glad that everyone with male genitalia has been destroyed. Goodbye forever, Robert Pattenson! ha ha ha ha - oh, wait.
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ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one
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I do not like you
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I'ma firin ma laser
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aperture science labratories would like to inform you that you have recieved a text message
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By listening to this message you have signed yourself up to become a test subject for aperture science laboratories. Please stand by to be collected by a representative to begin testing.
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friday, friday, gotta get down on friday
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adadww
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Hello, Ben. We have a task for you.
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hello and agen welcome to aperture sience
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Hello, how haave you been? It's been a loooong time.
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Welcome back, Drew. I speak for all of us hear at Aperture Science when I say that we have thoroughly missed you. I assure you, Drew, that contrary to popular belief, the cake is not a lie, and you will be fairly supplied with it soon.
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Welcome, Logging on
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Well here we are again! Its always such a pleasure I chose you 'cause you're the in my eyes!
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Well here we are again! Its always such a pleasure I chose you 'cause you're the best in my eyes!
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Hello and again welcome to your Macbook Air.
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hello alex hull, i really like you!
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Hello. You are expendable.
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Oh how we laughed and laughed! except, you're not laughing. What's the matter my best friend? Am I not being nice?
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You'll be baked into cupcakes! That's what i'm planning on. I can't wait to taste you! Oh, I'll feel sad when you're gone
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She was a lot like you, maybe not quite as heavy. Now little Sweetie Belle is on that shelf. I just couldn't eat her up! So now she'll live forever!
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It's such a shame the same will never happen to you! You'll be baked into cupcakes! That's what i'm planning on. I can't wait to taste you! Oh, I'll feel sad when you're gone!
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Good bye my best friend! Well duh, of course I mean you! That would be funny, if it weren't so sad.
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Hello, I want to play a game.
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I know you can't be replaced. Time for the sugery now. When I go eat you maybe I'll get rid of this frown.
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You'll be baked into cupcakes! That's what i'm planning on. I can't wait to taste you! Oh, I'll feel sad when you're gone! I can't wait to eat you all! We will soon be as one!
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Hello. Welcome to the Aperture Science Testing facility.
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hello and agen welcome to aperture hahahaha
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my name is dr house
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go make some new disaster
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hello, you dont know me... but i am watching you pee...
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can i tell you a secret? i shagged your wife... yes i am ashamed... that makes me a lesbian
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Hello Brooke. I've been waiting for you. Now, let's start testing. Also, at the end of the test you will be baked and there will be cake.
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It's been a long time, you monster.
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get more subs than charlie and then we'll talk
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What the fuck are you looking at?
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Hello. Welcome to my World.
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Hello and welcome. Here is Portal 2 voice test. Bye.
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The space core made it to space
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The space core succesfuly made it to space.
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Greetings, sire
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Khaos, you are a stupid fox, but I like you. You monster.
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Khaos, you are a stupid fox, but I like you. You monster. haha.
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This is a voice test.
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Hola, soy GLaDOS. Te envio este mensaje para avisarte de que solo quedan once dias para que puedas meterme tu preciosa polla hasta el fondo. Te espero chato.
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ha ha ha I know that we are not frieds but if we were you would have lots of cake! yay!
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Hello test subject, today I will give you a new test, a test that requires you to shoot 2 portals front and back of you so you can go fuck yourself.
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Hallo Kevin
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Hello, and, again, welcome to Chris is gay
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remember when
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Witaj mistrzu Mateuszu Harry M Swierczu
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Hello bebeh
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Hello my friend, how are you?
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Oh my god, what the fuck, barbecue!!
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Ah, there you are. It's time for science.
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Down again, synthesis server is having hardware problems. May take a while to fix.
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Lucy93
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I want you in my ass.
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Orange, you are a massive buttpirate
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Ahoj I am marian Adamec
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Hello Ncarlos. I have big thanks to Golab08. See you in game guys.
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hello. I am changing my name to Ginger. have you seen chell?
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boom shakalaka
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Say something.
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do not fucking mess with me. I am fucking GLADOS
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this is a test weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Lol wat?
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Sam you are not the portal master
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car
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Cool story bro. Let's play Starcraft.
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Hello, human. Do you want to do som testing?
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Sam you are not the portal master I am
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jeremy is fat
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Do you know why I wanted to murder you? I didn't I was just living my own life......AND THEN YOU SHOWED UP.....I think we have putout differences behind us now it's just I want you gone now. Hello, human. Do you want to do some testing Kazumi?
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mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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Who you gonna call?
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Hello [subject name here], welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
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Hello Alex. How are you today?
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Hello John. I am GLaDOS. This email will self destruct your computer in the next thirty seconds if you do not exit. Goodbye.
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Hello Mister Gillyfish
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Hello, how have you been? I think we can put our differences behind us... for science... you monster
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hey you littld man
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Snake also the game
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Im shad and I like men
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bfbdfgfgs
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I wonder if there will be, cake.
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Oh, what's this? Sorry, I didn't mean to get in here!
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You are a cunt
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Hello, how can I help you today?
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Hi. I'm here to collect... My pension.
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They see me trolling... They hating.
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hey lilly
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Hello and welcome the gamer stom podcast
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It's been a long time sir, Maybe too long.
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You dont know how long it has been. but still, You can go to hell.
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Thank you for participating in the experiment. Your contribution to science is valued by Aperture
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Welcome, my friend.
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Nom Nom Nom your tears taste delicious
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This next text is very simple, the main objective is not to die
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Senor Kuros
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hello freya
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are you trollin
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Where are you? Are you making papa murphy's pizza?
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Talee, this is Glados, Just letting you know I'm still alive.
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hello, daniel cannot answer the phone right now. but if you have some spare time, drop on by and we can do some testing...
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Hello mother. I brought you some cheeks.
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Thank you waking me, Kyle. Please do not make me sleep again.
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hello i live in a sediment flavoured sediment fish cracker in the land of avalar you know, where spyro lives
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Just die already
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DJ Sinbad
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bonjour mon petit chat
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I just want to help you find you way. To the morgue.
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Hello Douglas. It is now time for you to wake up. We have many tests to do and only your short life span to do them in.
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trapped in a world with no way out now, Sam. There's nothing you can do. Just give up.
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S p
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S P AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE
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it's a looooong timee
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text message recived
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testing this text
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I'm glad we finally meet (inserte your name here) you monster
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kjbkkjkk
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Maybe you should try listening to the commentary. Please. if you don't mind... Excuse me? Are you even listening? Ben?
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Hello Luis I'm GLaDOS how can I help?
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ok, why are you so fucking dumb, little brat
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Hello hayley, why are you at my door. This room allowes no girls inside, please leave before i alert the guards. thank you and come again soon.
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hello my name is GLaDOS please go fuck yourself and have a nice day.
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hello and welcome to test chamber seven. you can not use the stairs good luck.
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The "Introduction to Gels" Test Chambers are still undergoing maintenance. Please stand on the orange X on the floor while you wait. A party escort bot will be with you shortly.
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Trevor is soo cool
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I like chese
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that's what you think however it's not over yet
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patrick cheung is a noob
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Caleb, you are a dumb, sad little child
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Hello, welcome back.
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I watch tv
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hello kristin. this is emma nation. i love you so very much
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Hello Caroline, are you ready for testing?
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I will not kill you
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I am glados. Everett eats poo
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I am not sorry to inform you that the cake is a lie..
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Elliott Willis is a big stupid stinky doo doo head!
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Hello it's a test
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You are a sex god, thank you.
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Hello my dear friends! Thank you for your paraticipation
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OH! hello chell. its been a looong time. how have you been?
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Frankie is a pokemon master
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david, you are a nigger
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i like to eat poop
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Hello. Are you happy to see me?
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i knew you would fail. you stupid human
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Alright, heck no.
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Lia is the most amazing person ever
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nathan wanks too often on microphone
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Tisha, Are you ready
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Hello, and welcome to Aperture Science Enrichment Centre. I hope you've done great on your tests.
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Hey Phyroxus
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Hey guys, my name is glados, and you guys are stupid cunts. Maybe you guys should not hard scope me next time.
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your face
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Sly Fox Hound is the coolest minecraft player in history. He deserves a medal.
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your mother is huge
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In portal 2 you're back again as the test subject with the portal gun
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fatty fatty
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Welcome to the enrichment center. Note: The cake is not a lie
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holy fuck
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thank you for helping us help you help us
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hello and welcome to the ap
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Hello Jared. Are you ready to do some experiments, for science?
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Welcome to Chichester College Game
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Hello Alex, when you sent this message you were 6,400 in waiting queue in your room in Nafplio. Hopefully you have your shit together when you get this message.
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Hello. We have the answers. Please note that you are a inferior race to Gladus, (The superior race) You have to understand that the cake is NOT a lie, however some people seem to think that it is.
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wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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it's good to see you again
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hello portal 2 is the greatest game ever soisoisoi
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Are you ready to begin testing?
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Hello. My name is Glad0s.
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What is this I don't even.
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I want an apple
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i want to suck you so hard
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fuck you and die you filthe pig whore
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I enjoy the game Portal 2. It is fun.
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VIcky, you are a cunt.
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hello. you have reached the number of Aperture sciences. sorry we could not take your call. actually, not sorry. i could care less. leave a message. or just leave. the cake is a lie
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Hello you lefitst fools, you will all die of epic failure in 2012
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