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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
And then you will be cake
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Hey vey, yes i am talking to you, you will be cake!
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Well how are you
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i wish for some cake
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Don't submit your pork pie.
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Aperture science enrichment opportunity
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what can you do with that
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hello, and, welcome to the apeture science computer aided enrichment center.
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yo what is up
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jesus
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My nipples are getting hard just thinking about it.
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I am sincerely sorry
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hello there Nick
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Hello, and welocome to aperture science
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bryan jue, you are gay
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xxxxx
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xxxxxx
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Weighted storage cube destroyed
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My roflcopter goes soisoisoisoisoisoisoi
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hello? are you still there? I know you can hear me.
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Oh good
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Portal 2 is a console port
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Lisa Shearman is an awesome teacher!
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hello? ok, you are died
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Please stand still while the nozzle calibrates
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture science enrichment center. Please walk forward and pick up the portal gun.
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ok, i don't now, i'm a ia
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You have a new missed call
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Hello. I am not currently available now, but if you would leave your name and number, a designated re-intubation associate will be by soon to resuscitate you.
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I am a homo that likes penile
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will have to check the list of processed messages regularly.
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Hello and welcome to apreture science
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well I'm a potatoe
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Why did the neutrino cross the road?
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This is stupid.
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jlkjlkjl
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Hello Kevin, wsup den?
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Hello Kari Frederiksen. Did you know...You're a horrible person. Yes, you are, do you know why? i do...It is because you do not have feelings, you're an artifical intelligence, that is what you are.
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so, how are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO!
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hellooooooooooo
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forced
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Hello Tim, you monster
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You have got to be kidding me.
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hello. my name is glados. how are you?
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How are you doing Dave?
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Monkey
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derrrrrr
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muhahahaha
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This tool lets you type in some text, and the server will generate a GLaDOS-like reading of the text. Who/what is GLaDOS? The main antagonist in Portal, a video game by Valve. See the Wikipedia article on GLaDOS for more information.
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Welcome to CAPTURED laboratories
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soisoisoi
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Hello my little friend. You monster!
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Hello Justin
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hello little human
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im a potatoe
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Hello, welcome.
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Hello, Elliot
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Choose One, Please.
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Oh, yay. A Text Message!
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it's been a long time amy
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There you are. Lets get started.
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Greetings Jeff, how are you doing today?
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Hello Michael. Did you know that I loved you so very, very much? Now... that I'm aware of this, I shall have to fill the room with neurotoxins
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josh i've been waiting to kill you!
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Hello, and welcome to Brianna's inner machinations of her mind.
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steven is gay
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This Is Koldas Seven
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Hello Claude. I am no longer a potato.
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Welcome to KDAB's IT Security Training
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the cake ist not a lie. really! the aperture sience disk operation system would never lie. especially to you!
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vaffanculo
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You have finished Portal two ; congratulations. Have you seen the deer with your companion cube?
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dfg sdfg sdf gsdfsgd fsg dfg sdfg sdfg sdfg sdfgsd fs dfgsdfgsdfd
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Good evening and welcome to the Lunar Testing Site, home of John Madden.
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Eli loves you a lot, so please give him a second chance
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Hello again. How do you feel about killing me, you monster?
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Hello. Eat some cake
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Oh good. We're going to do some science now.
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You scare me Rutger
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I have forgotten my t-shirt
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lolo9ldd
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Portal 2 Is A Good Game
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Hydra Client loading...
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Down again, synthesis server is having hardware problems. May take a while to fix
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adfasdfasdf
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You killed me and i will kill you
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You are a wothless peace of trash
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Wash your winky
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Aperture Emergency Incenerator
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fermion iz fukken retard
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It's been a loooong time tim
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My Name is Emi
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I hope you enjoy your stay
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helo and welcome on the dark side
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Hi, my name is Andy. I will show you how to fuck your brain.
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dropping surprise in 3... 2... 1...
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Dude, you are a bad person.
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Beep beep. You got mail
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THe FUck
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welcome back to the aperature science facilitites
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Ohlapus.
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quack
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I hate you. So much. So. Much.
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I just lost the game
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Apature Science
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We will be having a skittle party on may 1st. Get laid!
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Im a Fucking Potato
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Im a Fucking potato, its not funny.
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Dammit space core go away
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you are fat
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hello achim, dont park here, only with aperture science parking permit
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Ai want me some kaak
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Enter the motorway
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Please observe speed limit
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For some reason someone is trying to contact you. It must be an error.
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DPGvideos.net is the best site!
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Hello, friends. Please, stay a while
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hello welcome to the leigon shall we begin
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It's friday friday, gotta get down on friday
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All those wedding guests and no one will eat my cake
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Hello Bill how are you today. Are you ready for a drive?
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This is my Room go away you Monster
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the cake is in cake haven wich is closed wait now
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Portal 2 PWNS
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File transfer unsuccessful as expected
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Yaranaika
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hello simon. i hope you are feeling good today.
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This next tests require cooperation
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Sam Frost, You have lost OVER 9000 Enrichment points
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Go ahead and have your freedom. I don't need you anymore. The cake was a lie
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POO.
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Hello. Please wait a few seconds until the mobile phone memory has loaded completely.
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How about a slice of cake?
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hi everyone
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hola como estas?
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Why wont you carry on playing Portal? I'm getting fed up waiting for you to come back
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This problem could be solved if I shot them.
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F X Howto
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What is going on my friend?
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you have ass cancer
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Hello Kostya. Welcom
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Stalwart and dependable, you're always willing to give a friend the shirt off your back, a shoulder to cry on, or a step up. Compatible cooperative test partners include shirtless people who can't stop crying while they use you as stairs.
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i am a cat
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You'll never know what you've lost because I was the one and you'll never have that again. I feel sorry for you, ha ha ha
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mein name ist glados
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Good Morning Alastor , Good Morning Mirai . Welcome to Omnitech Testing Session 7643
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Ooh My God.
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Hello, you are receiving a call from, insert parents name here, if you don't answer in thir di minutes there will be no cake for you.
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Dla nauki. Ty Potworze.
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hello and again!!
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va te faire mettre
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I love Minecraft
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This is a test of the GLADOS voice.
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you have a text message.. please endeavour to respond to sender
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i belive we have a disagreement
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Witaj...
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I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
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Hello David. It's been a long time.
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hy you
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tell them how i am defying gravity
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How are you today cameron
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Hello, my name is joshua
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welcome to my testing !
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hello stephen I want to play a game. Of monopoly.
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hellow little boy,What a you fucking doing here?
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Lets talk about by level symbology. When you select a color one of your options is by level.
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Gabriel, Please Take your Phone.Your phone is ringing
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Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behaviour, the only thing you've managed to break so far... Is my heart.
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Gnu eu te amo, obrigada por me fazer feliz
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have fun with science
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Confirm your administration rights please
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PYRO IS GREAT
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We're all going to die!
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Laboratories.
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I have posted this a few months ago on two other Portal-related sites to do a little bit of stress-testing, and it has so far held up, despite the occasional queue stalling. Now I'm finally posting it to the main (official) Portal forums as a final stress
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Who in the what now?
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Hello, nice to meet you. Now, go away, Andy does not like you.
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hey, i see you
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JUST GO!
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Now I only want you gone.
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I shall not give you cake.
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Hello, nice to see you again.
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Salutations, aventuriers
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Allal is a noob
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Allal is noob
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hallo this is glados fist women here
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hello, Jeff how are you?
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hello Maarten! Want some neurotoxin?
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Welcome to the Apature Science work simulation and enrichment center, Please try not to bleed on the equipment.
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one two three four i declare a thumb war
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System shutting down. Thank you for not burning me.
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i like tities
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Oh look, a new text message.
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hello test i am cool
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Hello, I am Vartan Arslanian.
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BOX IS A PICE OF SHIT
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You are adopted and fat.
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Hello, my name is Leopold
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waik up ! man, wake up, night over, sun is shining. wake up max
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Do you like what you did?
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allo? allo? allo , trubku snimi, zvonok tebe, allo
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Oooh hello, you seem new to me. At least I have never seen you before. Another test subject I can kill.
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so i like poop and i am GLaDoS and am planning the future. I'm sure you have questions how. We do test on subjects on Aperture science equipment like the portal device. If you like to be a tester please vist aperture science enrichment center. thank you
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Oh... Hello Mimeh, it's me, GLaDos, Do you remember me? Lets go to the first chamber, and I'll give you a delicious cake if you complete it
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Hola Saida, has recibido un mensaje
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hello... hello.... I'm different
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why must you do this?
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Hello, and, again welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here huge success.
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recieving incoming transmission
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Good day experiment 0 8 2 0 6 4 7
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hello liam
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For the people who are still alive. I'm not even angry. I'm being so sincere right now. Even if you hunt me down. And killed me. And tear me to pieces. And throw every piece into a fire
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that was a joke! ha, ha! Fat chance! Anyway, this cake is great. It's so delicious and moist. Look at me still talking when there's lots for me to do. When I look out there, it makes me glad I'm not you.
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Well done,android,the enrichment center once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance.
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Stop it. Leave rugrat alone
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Don't worry about me, I'm not the one who has to test
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Shut up, you idiot. Can't you see what it's come to?
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im glados i will kill you all
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I'm sooo sorry - - - how could you? - - - happy day! - - - noooooo!! - - - don't you dare!!
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this is the end
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I love you peko
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You are so
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guus124 is very stupid
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jkljklj
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You're absolutely right, Marjory. The floor sugar does taste rather queer, in this area.
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wait... what are you doing
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I would like to fuck your mothers pussy fast and hard, oh yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Hello, Wyatt Patrick Flannery. Do you like this game?
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I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you were more important than our mission.
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Hello, welcome to this new computer
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Hello Ross
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Marina, this voice reminds me of you. It is from game that i am playing. love you. kiss
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Herp derp Jonny. Derp derp.
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launching excision shambala 2008
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There are no standard special containment procedures on file for Item SCP-294. However, only personnel of security clearance level 2 or higher are allowed to interact with it (see document SCP-294a). SCP-294 is currently being stored in the 2nd floor pers
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tu morirai
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blake you suck peners
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receiving incoming transmission
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Thank you for calling Cyber Techs. We are unable to take your call at Cyber Techs. We hope to help you with all your computer needs and there will be cake.
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Sebastien, why are you watching over here?
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Who are you, and what are you looking for?
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I am Glados. Hello.
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Jake Rowe you have been selected to take part in our new test
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i love to suck your pussy uhhh uh uh ah oh fuck me
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i love pussy
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Hello and welcome to Aperture science laboratories.
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Oops, the test chamber was breaked by a... i am waiting for you
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Hello. How are you doing this fine day?
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Hello and welcome to Aperture Science laboratories. You have been selected to go through some of the test chambers with a portal gun. There will be cake.
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Assuming direct controll
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Anthony you are great
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Hi Lisa, how may I help you today?
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Semen
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Get out of my life, you monster
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shit stop that you fucktarts
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Oh. So you love your companion cube so much. And you want to marry it, right? Fine. Oops. He proposed to me instead. I say yes. Now you will die of loneleeness.
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hello my name is jess
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Hehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehe I'm making out with the companion cube right now. You can't change it!
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i r guy that r gon teach you lesson
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i r guy that r gon teach you lesson not to think with portals
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Yes. An inaccessable control room that can be accessed by a teleporter that only teleports inorganic material. Well, inorganic material that I approve of, anyway.
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Speedy thing goes in, speedy thing goues out
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hallo und herzlich willkommen
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Thomas Rudnik is a horrible person. Looking in his face is like looking right into the sun and would also set your hair on fire. So do not actually do it.
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It appears that this operation was a success.
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back door is open
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Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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It's been a loooong time. How have you been?
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don't disapoint me, or I'll make you wish you coould die
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I'll kill you, make you smile and make you stay, I'll sing: la la la. I've seen symbols turn to gray, I know what I really want. Now I'm not into fairytales, I simply wanna KILL YOU, Where you really want to be, HATCHET. BANG! I'll be waiting for you!
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Hi Alyssa
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hey alex, did you miss me
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Wheatley is the biggest mor-
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Hello. I'm GlaDOS. I am a test robot designed to guide you through the ways of this test chamber. Please place that object down. It is not part of this test. You're not going the right way. Come back here. I'm not angry. Just turn around please.
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Oh,I feel like eating Lemons right now
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Bran is so dumb and fat.
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hey welcome
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were going to have fun with science
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their you are lets get started
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Hello and again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center. Yes sir Mr. Johnson.
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you have received a new message, please be advice that any test subject will be in premature danger if they not attend to any new message
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eli, i really dont want to play
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Swah Swah
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hello, you monster. I like chicken.
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Your phone is ringing. If you don't want it to explode, I suggest answering it.
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Will you go to prom with me
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I choose you Pikachu
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But the cake is most certainly not a lie.
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This is madness
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*Subject Name Here* answer your phone. Hello, your phone is ringing. Answer it or else you die. You Monster.
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hello you smelly asshole, would you like a sandwich?
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holy shit i have killed the companion cube
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Let's put this behind us. For science. You monster.
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Lets all laugh
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Eat my pie!
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Where have you been baby justice.
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what is thatt
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This is a valid Aperture Laboratories Parking Permit for Ross Lindsay.
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The game begins in three, two, one.
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Thank you, as always, for choosing core youth ministries.
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Dear Michael We are sorry to inform you that it is imperative that you purchase Portal 2
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Welcome Humanoid
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BOOM! Yes I won again. Your battleship has been dominated.
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hello my name is greg
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Fap. Fap. Fap.
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Ballzac
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Call Me Ishmael
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It's Friday Friday Gotta Get down on Friday
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I LOVE you.... LIES. LIES. LIES. That button will kill apes.
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the world is
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GET OUT OF HERE! Not only have you been hurting ME, you have been hurting you!
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Oh. Its You
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Radio GKOL
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161 Fof science! You monster
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i think this is not good can you help me
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Did you know fifty percent of all people who whatch my little pony live longer?
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go and fuck yourself
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THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!
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It appears you have just received a new text message...strange, I thought you had no friends?
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Oh look, you have an incoming call. It appears it is one of your Uni friends, I guess I'll have to vaporize them as I know you don't have any friends
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Oh look, you have an incoming call. It appears it is one of your family members, I guess I'll have to vaporize them as I know you're an orphan!
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Do you see why now
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i love ou so much
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Hello, it's great to see you again. You monster you.
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Rangahatimuhmungoyumtirumgai
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i will eat your liver
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Snerik
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McLemore on guitar and vocals. And remember once completed with Heart of Shame there will be cake
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Good morning Doctor Eisen
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hello, syd, welcome to aperrture science industries enjoy your stay! shshshshhshsh
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Hello, Snerik
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Hello I have rank one windmill
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John, your phone is ringing. Please. Pick it up so i can go.
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Hello, john.
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Hello viktor
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open my door
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Enjoy your cake. Fatty.
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Woo woo woo. You know it.
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Hi, I GLaDOS and will be tested again today
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science labs. Derp.
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a new text message has just arrived at aperture science's laboratories. would you like me to read it to you? i'm sorry but you took too long to answer, so i won't read it.
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Do you suck at life?
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test glados on
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You dangerous, mute lunatic.
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I hate you, nobody likes you. I wish you were newer born.
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Maxine, you will not escape the test facility.
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message, you have a new message, please check your mailbox and go back to the portal
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Fuck Yeah ! I make a Minecraft seed of GLaDOS.
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Hello Hans, It's been a long time,do you want a cake?
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Siema Julia
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Well, hello there...
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Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive. Staying alive. I love that song.
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fart
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Hello and again, Vandervir
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Hello there!
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Testing , testing , 1, 2 ,3.
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notification
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Hello SpiceBoy, Welcome to Portal 1
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sdfdfsfddfdffdsfd
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sdfdsffsdfdfdsfdssdfdsfsd
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jkhkjhhkjhjkjkjjjkhkj
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jdfsjlksfdjlkjldfskjlkdsf vv
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jdfsjlksfdjlkjldfskjlkdsf
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gsgjdfsjlksfdjlkjldfskjlkdsf
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jdfsjlksfdjlkjldfskjlkdsfffff
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kflkfklfgkljdfsjlksfdjlkjldfskjlkdsf
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jdfsjlksfdjlkjldfskjlkdsfffffffffffffffffff
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jdfsjlksfdjlkjldfskjlkdsfdffffffffff
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Killing you is hard. That's why I let you go.
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fdgregre
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What up you monster
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Let's do this guys. Let's play some computer games
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Hello, it's been a long time. How have you been?
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Test subject you passed all of the tests! Congratulations! Cake is waiting for you! Happy Birthday!
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Happy Birthday! You monster!
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hello, just testing the voice generator
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Hello Lonewolf, nice to meet you. I just gonna kill you.
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supp baby
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I had a pretty good life. And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute, lunatic. And you know what? You win. Just go.
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Shaun. I love you!
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hey big boy
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hey there big boy
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testestsetset
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I really dont know what you are talking about.
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Hello stuart. how are you this morning?
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Hello again!
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Could you please learn to write?
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welcome to the video made by shnitzel productions
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vnvhgjn
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witam
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saw
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Hello Gracjan. I ame GLADOS. My full name is a Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. Are you a new test facility. Exit the house and go in the direction of Aperture Science Enrichment Center. Goodbye.
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So, your name is Jackson, you will make an excellent test subject. Because I'm a potato.
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Oh, it's you. It's been a looooong time. How have you been?
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I hope that you are happy.., You have killed me... but I am still alive... murderer
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No tienes corazon
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Aperture Science, where science begins
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"The Aperture Science Enrichment Center is proud to demonstrate the Aperture Science Temporal Reversion Device. You, [subject name here], are probably too young now to properly understand the function of this device,
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The Aperture Science Enrichment Center is proud to demonstrate the Aperture Science Temporal Reversion Device.
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the Aperture Science Temporal Reversion Device
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Aperture Science Temporal Reversion Device
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Hello and welcome to aperture science again
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What have you done there?, Do you even know what your doing?
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Oh, i see, the explosion was far from enough to kill you. However i have come up with an idea
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your specimen has been processed and we are ready to begin the test proper
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Hello. You have revived a new Message. Press "View now" or receive an unsatisfactory mark on your report, followed by death.
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Hello, Subject B A D M A D U S, you successfully backstabed Subject C A S T A L E X.
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I AM A LIIIVE!
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Ok seriously scott? Stop rubbing the Neurotoxin in your eyes ok really? now on cereal? ! Im so happy I could shit rainbows
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Know Your Enemy
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Hello. This is a trial. Don't bother with it.
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I've already fixed it...and you are NOT coming back
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You have entrered a restricted zone. Please leave ! Before i get angry !
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hello. I think we all know why we are here...
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If this iphone does speak we recommend you not to listen to it
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If it appears that this iphone does speak, we recommend you not to listen to it
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I suppose those anime characters are so full of themselves. They always prefer muscle to deal with things. More than anatomically possible, in fact. I find it all most... illogical.
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calling mode, activated
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My name is Paul PFR and i'm a crusaders.
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You received a text message
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Hello Bethan. Please get off Bens bed as it has not been properly tested for someone of your...let's say generosity
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Hello, my name is Paul and i'm a crusaders.
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Hey KillerD Fuck YOU
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Polish
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hi du ei
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Hello, please sit down and enjoy the show.
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highscore bashla the
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The cake was real, you just don't deserve it! now go sit in the corner
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Hi Damien, I love you.
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jfghj
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ring ring ring ring
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Stop being naughty
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Hello. Its time to get to work. And by that, I mean... it is time...for you... to die.
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Bonjour tout le monde.
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You killed me but that's ok, I don't hold a grudge.....much
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Good Morning Master, Have a good day
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Good morning Thomas
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Hello, bzzzzzzzzzz
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have you got a
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yeah, i like this ish
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Welcome seweryn
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Welcome back seweryn is my home, test waiting
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Hello welcome to Clash of all.
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Die you bastard
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This phone is ringing
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why do I shot web?
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marcello...ammazzati
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Hello! Welcome on Gazetka's profile. You can find here a lot of movies, unfortunitly - without me...
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bo
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Yup yup. That stuff looks like a toupee. I get what you get in ten years; in two days.
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Hello, Subject 47655
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Your mother
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hello phil how are you today?
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welcome mr.l in flipnote studio. my name is glados. i see you. ha ha ha hhhhhoooboy
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Test subject 02776249, pick up the call.
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you've got you're short sad life left.
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I regret to inform you that you will be surprised in 3, 2, 1
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Hello Kensey, today I'll show you a world of pain
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Hello, welcome to aliens versus predator tutorial. Here we will lear to wall tail efficiently.
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Hello, welcome to aliens versus predator tutorial. Here we will lear to wall tail efficiently
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welcome friends, i present to you now, a climax of all rock events known to man, this is Murder between neglect
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Hello Lisa. We will make sure you get your hair appointment on time.
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It has been a long time
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Helllo, Marcus. How are you today?
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cheif An-neoyeong
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Helllo, Marcus and Alex. How are you today?
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I'm glad you are alife
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Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
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dssfs
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Finland
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Nobody ever murdered me, nobody ever put me in a potato, nobody ever stabbed me.
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Why are you listening to this
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You have no reason to murder me
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Keep Packing. You are pleasing me.
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my name is Rick. You are a poo face
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Daniel ist Cool, also lass ihn in Ruhe!
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Don't fuck with me. Please.
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hello Gentanmen
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Hello Gentalman
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Well, it seems that I am Glados
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The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice.
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I want to cum on your face
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The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.
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And we will bake you, and there will be cake.
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You have a message. You monster
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shyguise bassline attack
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I'd like to hear what this sounds like, crazy!
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hello you are cool
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Chell....I'm sorry.
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This is the voicemail for Brian. Please leave a message.
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Testing Started. Please leave the test chamber immediately.
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Welcome to this computer. Enjoy your stay!
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What are you doing? You are corrupting my function cool table!
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Your girlfriend is asking for attention. Ignore here and keep playing with me please.
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Why would you try to shut me down? Don't you like me? I will be back and very ... VERY angry!
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Holy hairy hatchet wound, Batman!
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GLaDOS creates occupations by way of providing test subjects with rewards of currency for taking part in testing. This currency, is cake.
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Fuck your stupid face
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I'm a fucking pirate so shut up maaaaaaaaan
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