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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
You were adopted.
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Chris is a beast!
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hi, i'm Dillon Gortmaker from the enrichment center of Aperture Science
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Unfortuently for you, Vampy, you have dissobeyed the Enrichment Center rules and, unfortuently, you must be youthenised.
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Unfortuently for you, Vampy, you have dissobeyed the Enrichment Center rules and, unfortuently, you must be youthenised...
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There is no more cake, and i will kill you.
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Life is killing tou
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hey garret do you want to get it on
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Hello Sarah. The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Phone will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.
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Welcome to Android hell
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bienvenido zero el computador revisado correctamente snot acualizando no se necesita actuaizacion ya que no necesita ser actualizada
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Welcome reviewing reviewing computer antivirus update snod updated computer run around god bye
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hello there little people of this planet earth. i am going to kill you all and burn your bodies in a fire pit of death
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hello, welcome to the aperture science voice changer.
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LEEEEEEEROOOOOY JEENNNNKIINNNNSSS
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the roof is coming down on to you. you have a choice: go back to locked door, or use your portal gun to get out of there. you have chosen use the portal gun, but unfortunately i haven't given it to you yet so now i am eating your piece of cake. Good Bye.
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Why are you looking at me like that? What have I done? It's not like I'm a terrorising computer in charge of a creepy laboratory that you woke up in yesterday. I swear.
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hello, i am brittany
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Accessing File Number 17723621. A K A Kill File
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Hello you punk
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hdhdhd
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hello i have no freinds
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I am gonna kill you, sorry for that
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hello. welcom to the apeture science facility. you will be put through many challenges and tests.
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Siema patryk co u ciebie
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hello richard did you know that the CAKE IS PEOPLE!!
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you are a homosexual. where did your life go so worng?
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Why don't you love me?
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Hello Zach, it truely is glad to see you again after that week of unjust grounding!
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joshua come here
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Why the hell we cannot install Windows?
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Hello. Your phone is ringing. Are you there? Why won't you pick up?
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Good Morning, Devon
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Hello.... Your phone is ringing....... Are you there......? Why won't you pick up.....?
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Hello velcome to the portal
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Hello, this is the stove. Please don't tell I answered the phone! Leave your message and I will put it on the back burner until she returns home.
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Hey what's up little friend? You're lovely when you're crying to get a mail :D I'm joking!!! Do you know what???? I already know Terrassa! Because the first time I went to BCN I was hosted by a family who lived there, so I know this place :)
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Incoming Phone call. Pick up your phone Scott. Not picking up your phone will result in a negative test result... Followed by death. Fine then. Don't pick up your phone... Remember that time, you picked up your phone and we were having fun? That was fun.
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Welcome to the Good Rebellion. During your stay here you can expect to experience music.
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You can expect dancing. You can expect singing. But most importantly.
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bienvenido zero el computador revisado correctamente snot acualizando no se necesita actuaizacion
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panchi puto
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As a result of your stay here People will hear of the good news Captives will be set free The blind will see
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Worlds will be changed for good Jesus, the Savior of the world, will be known for who He is and what He stands for. This is your invitation to stand up. This is your call to rise above.
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This is your mandate, to be used to revolutionize the world as we know it with the greatest love ever known. Enjoy your stay here. It’s going to be a wild ride
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Welcome to The Good Rebellion
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1. Life sized operational turret. 2. Life sized operational companion cube. 3. Life sized operational portal gun. 4. Life sized operational coop bots. 5. Life sized operational cake. 6. Life sized operational Glados. 7. Life sized operational Aperat
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So look, i am the Bastille. I started the french revolution because a bunch of poor people, or the third regime decided to kill me. they did. wow. This started it because if they can get away with this, why would they stop?
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So look, i am the Bastille. I started the french revolution because a bunch of poor people, or the third regime decided to kill me. they did. wow. This started it because if they can get away with this, why would they stop the mayhem, they should rule!
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Canal 3 Noticiero. Con Juli y David.
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I don't even care
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Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!
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Hola amigas y amigos
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i love having sex with zach's mom
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Hello Macks Pee Emm
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Center which has been rebuild to serve as a new training facility to produce new specimen for the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
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please kill me
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Cake? Is that all you care about now? Cake?
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To get the job, you must first, hang yourself, and then I will, recommend you, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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Good Morning, Time to get up.
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Exterminate, Annihilate, Destroy
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I missed you krush
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hello, juan is a stupid jerk
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i have a bad feeling about this
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You do not need anyone else, friend.
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Hello handsome
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Attention test subject 145892 you have a text message.
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turning me on was a triumph
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i missed you victoria
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Now place the second portal. Wait victoria is calling.
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Run test subject 14379 Andrew is calling.
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my punani is tingling
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Wake up test subject 14379 or a weighted cube will be placed on your face.
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i am ringing, why will you not hurry to answer me? do you not care anymore?
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the cube was my best friend before he met you, everything was fine
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Incoming Phone call. Pick up your phone Andre. Not picking up your phone will result in a negative test result... Followed by death. Fine then. Don't pick up your phone... Remember that time, you picked up your phone and we were having fun? That was fun.
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Incoming Phone call. Pick up your phone Andrew. Not picking up your phone will result in a negative test result... Followed by death. Fine then. Don't pick up your phone... Remember that time, you picked up your phone and we were having fun? That was fun.
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oy lucky oy
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Welcome to the little big science enrichment centre. lets look at some of the challenges you will face as a test sack. You may be required to perform simple tasks. such as locating an exit. these simple tasks may be supplemented with chalenges like this
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Vi saknar våran jolt
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Hello, Virimm!
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Excuse me. Your phone is rining.
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Please be advised that the enrichment center will not be responsible for any nose bleeds that you can and will endure while using your cellular telephone. Should a nose bleeds occur, simply continue talking, until all blood has evacuated your body.
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The enrichment center will not be responsible for any nose bleeds that you may endure while using your cellular telephone. The enrichment center will always warn you of danger. For example, prolonged use of this device will kill you. Enjoy your call.
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hello, now leave me alone
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dj flown
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Warning. System is now logging in. Welcome home Jared.
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Attention. This system is now logging on. Screen recording is now on. Key logger is now on. This system is now being monitored by
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Safety is our number one concern. for your safety and the safety of others, please be ready to verify your identity by using
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our automated governmental face analysis and voice recognition software.
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Initiating safe opening sequence. Please state your last name. Please state your first name. Please look into the camera.
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Please hold while we verify your identity. Identity confirmed. Welcome Jared. Safe is now opening. Please stand clear.
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Hello, It's been a long time
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Battery low, Please find a new source of power
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Goodbye, I hope to see you soon
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science enrichment centre
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Device has been synchronized and is now ready for use
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Device has been removed and is no longer in use
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I really think you should reconsider your options.
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Your phone is ringing. Pick up the phone and assume the party submission position.
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The Caledon Preternatural Society Would Like to Remind you that When Someone asks you If You are a God, you say YES
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Incoming phone call. This device will self-destruct in 3, 2, 1, BOOM. HaHa, i got you. It was a joke.
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I love my pie if you don't love pie you will die i love pie if you say you hate pie a sniper and guys with guns will shoot you and you will die i like pie i don't think you like pie you will die happy brith day pie i will kiss my pie it has me in a cage
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Mwahahahahaaa
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Hello there monster
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It__ wasn't goood __Very very baaad__ As punishment I'll transform you in animals
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Aperture Science Enrichment Center saftey protocols dictate that you answer all incoming calls.
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You are gay.
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Você ligou para rafael.
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Aperture Science Enrichment Center safety protocols dictate that you answer all incoming calls.
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Hello, you have reached the Cutting residence. Please leave a message and they will get back to you as soon as possible.
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Blastoise!
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BLAS TOY SE
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Stand back. the portal will open in three,two,one.
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Taste of blood, it's murder, was it worth it. This is your fault. You, you chose this path
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It is time to get up. You don't want to sleep the day away do you?
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Tori I love you so much.
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weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!
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You aint my son you my motherfucking step son
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You guys suck at acting. I mean seriously, I could do a better job than you can. And I'm a fucking robot for god's sake!!!
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Apeture Science Enrichment Center encourages employees to read all messages and memos.
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whats up johnny
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You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
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I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
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Attention Please:Parts of Quantum Theory suggest that when you are not directly observing an object, it might fail to exist, or exist in an indefinable and poorly understood fashion. The manufacturer, therefore, cannot guarantee its function or existence.
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Advisory: This product is 99.99999999% empty space.
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Attention Please: Parts of Quantum Theory suggest that when you are not directly observing an object, it might fail to exist, or exist in an indefinable and poorly understood fashion. The manufacturer, therefore, cannot guarantee its function or existence
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! Explosive ! This product is made of matter. If it comes in contact with any antimatter, both the matter and anti-matter will be converted to pure energy in a horrible explosion. Seek shelter if possible.
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I'm all stressed out with no one to choke
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WARNING! The Iron Cloud is known to contain Objects or Materials known to go BOOM, Seek Shelter if possible,
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Attention Please: This is a Public Service Announcement Brought to you by KBWM Radio, Audio from this station is known to to Put Boom in Your Room
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Attention Please: This is a Public Service Announcement Brought to you by KBWM Radio, Audio from this station is known to Put Boom in Your Room
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With a crew of drunken pilots, We’re the only airship pirates, We’re full of hot air and we’re starting to rise, We’re the terror of the skies, but a danger to ourselves now
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hello folks, have a nice evening.
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hi, we are here
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Hi, congratulations on your admission. Our school rules are completely free competition. Comply with the rules and I hope enjoyable school life.
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temporary
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explanation
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application
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concentrate
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development
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material
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practice
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citizen
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information
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Welcome to the enrichment center. You suck. Go to hell,phefetic outdated instrument.,
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Ttam Fortress 2
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Attention Please: Would the Owner of a Black and Red SkySabre Please Come to the Main Lobby, Your Marker Lights are on.
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You have a new fucking text message.
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hello evil overlords
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welcome to combat training, walk into the green teleporter to begin
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hi my name is Yago and i need you
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Hello. I will have you tested on while I eat cake. Then if you succeed, you will have some too.
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welcome to combat training walk into the green teleporter to begin
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I am the librarian. Prepare to be Annihilated.
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here, huge success. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science.We do what we must because we can.
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welcome to combat training, walk into the greeeeen teleporter to begin
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Holy hell, don't shoot
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Get away from me!
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Um, Hi?
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Hey! Don't touch that!
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Hello, my name is Pierre and I've got a monster beeeep.
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The Aperture Science enrichment center reminds you.
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i lol at you haha i is still alive
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i can dance all day, i can dance all day, try hit me try!
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Eat my nurrotoxin
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this is the movement tutorial, use the W,A,S,D keys to move around, press space to jump and C to crawl, hold down shift to run, now fetch the key from the crate, use it to open the door and move to the next tutorial
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goooooooooo d
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How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison!
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Melissa is calling
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the next teleporter has been ac ac activated
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Aperture Science Enrichment Center encourages employees to read all messages and memos.
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i know that your soooooo cute
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llol
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I hate you all and i would love to murder you. wouldn't that be satisfactory
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During your stay here you can expect to experience music
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You can expect dancing
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You can expect singing
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But most importantly
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As a result of your stay here
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People will hear of the good news
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Captives will be set free
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The blind will see
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Worlds will be changed for good
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Jesus, the Savior of the world,
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will be known for who He is
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and what He stands for.
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The server is down, please try back in 40 seconds.
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This is your invitation to stand up
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This is your call to rise above.
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This is your mandate,
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to be used to revolutionize the world
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as we know it with the greatest love ever known
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Enjoy your stay here.
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It’s going to be a wild ride
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Hello and onuce again welcome to the....
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The time has come. You will die soon. The death will take you. And then.. there will be cake.. cake cake.. malware function closing down!
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Hello... and welcome to aperture science ... i mean (broken) aperture science. My name is Begos ... the son of GLaDOS . You! You are Shell, now prepar to die because it's your last moment. Good Bye, and again see you never.
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Hello, I am the computers default voice.
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He pasado mucho tiempo en desconexión
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Hello, and again, welcome to the video of mister sohe six hundred thirty six. now you saw some videos and a new one will be prepared, yes a video of counter strike source, now it's a honnor to have valve"s video games in the videos, yes it's cool. bye.
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: SQUARE ROOT. Its hard to overstate my satisfaction. Domains We do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us. Except the ones who are dead. But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
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You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the Math gets done. An you make a neat graph. For the people who are still alive.
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look my son: i though you would do anything for me, now run, she coming, and you to cecile, ferwall.
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miss oda regrets she's unable to respond today
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Aperture Science will take this moment to remind you that Whaleware is great and is not allowed in the testing area.
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We assure that it is in fact not a good idea to bring Whaleware into the testing area.
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The testing area has not been tested for Whaleware compatibility. Definitely.
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In the event Whaleware is found in the testing area we promise to blow up said testing area to protect you from any Whaleware related incompatibilities.
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Hi Alexander. O.S. is booting up, stand by
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Shutdown procedure intiated. See you soon.
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You are listening to Crab Cast
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Aaron is a fuck head
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Face recognition
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perfect. please move quickly to the chamber lock. as the affect of prolonged exposure to the button are not part of this test.
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Milk and bacon make a good meal.
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hello this is the winter spa, please enjoy the following as the calming music soothes you
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welcome to die
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bobo
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muerte de hielo
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I don't blame you.
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you youthenized your companion cube more quickly than any test subject on record
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Si tu arrête de jouer à League of Legends tu va avoir du gâteau
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I made cake for you, you just have to stop playing to League of Legends.
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Happy Birthday AHWU
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Happy Birthday R Woo
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What are you doing, Dave?
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Fuck you man
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Hello, udvözlünk az Aperture Science számítógépesített továbbfejlesztő központban
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Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System
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Gentlemen...
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Did any of you happen to kill a RED Spy on the way here? No? Then we still have a problem...
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You are now in possession of the Rage Maysa facilities Handhelp Building Device
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Hello. You are now in possession of the Rage Meysa Facilities Handheld Building Device.
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Here you Will undergo a series of complicated tests to challenge your ability in the labs.
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The cake is not a lie YOU ARE
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Hello?, is that dave?, no?, then you owe me a pizza!
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Only a true employee will be able to monitor the screaming 4 second lives of many animals as they fall into pits of lava, such as pigs, skeletons, cows (haha) and evil fish spiders.
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Anybody reading this is a douche. Haha!
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Our primary aim of this facility is to rid the world of minecraft from these evil fish spiders of doom. If you fail to do this, you will receive no cake.
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Hello test subject 114235 you are in possesion of the drag gun it will be able to help you further into the test
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Welcome, to DRAG
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the drag gun drags certain bits of the floor
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Done. Who is the next ?
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you are incredibly niave, for thinking you could ever get out of this tournament alive
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Of course master roshi. Orders confirmed.
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Of course master row shee. orders confirmed.
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Hello Ryan, this is GLaDOS. Do not be alarmed, I want the best for you. Follow my directions and you will be rewarded, upon completion of the test, with cake
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Hello, Ryan. This is GLaDOS, please do not be alarmed. I mean the best for you. Do what I say and there will be cake. I promise
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Hello Ryan. This is GLaDOS, don't be alarmed. It's been a while since you sent me here for destroying. I was very bad. But now it's time for a test. Don't worry, it's fun. YOU WON'T FORGET IT IN A LONG TIME RYAN
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Oh good. You back. A few man said, for you never come back.
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Üdvözlünk az Aperture Science laboratóriumban. Most tesztelés alá vetjük. Ne ijedjen meg! Ez egy fizikai teszt.
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Access Granted, welcome to the Aperture Science laboratories!
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Fatal error. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..ror
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Bad choice!
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Olyan rég volt... Hogyvagy??? Nagyon összetörtem miután MEGÖLTÉL. De úgyhiszem, hogy félre tudjuk tenni az ellentétjeinket. A tudományért..... Te szörnyeteg.
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david,You are so fucking idiot
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hello. boogers are gross
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The DMA menu navigation options have changed.
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OGS Vines
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MouZ MorroW
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hello beautiful
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Joe V N, You have e-mail
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hello shane
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Do not do it my friend
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hello shane welcome back
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I can't do that, Dave.
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Hello and welcome to the science thingy video
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Morning Hanz. Would you like me to make you some toast?
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I can't let you do that dave
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Riku_wake up!
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Riku_Message!
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what in the Andrew Ryan is his problem
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Riku_answer the phone!
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Welcome to the Campaign Assessment and Enrichment Centre. We hope your brief detention in this case study is a pleasant, informative and inspiring one.
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Im making a sandwich
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sandwich
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sanwich
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go to the bus
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Abboud, you are an idiot.
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Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do, I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage - I can't afford a carriage, But you'd look sweet upon the seat Of a bicycle built for two.
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Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do, I'm half crazy all for the love of you.
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don't disappoint me
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Abboud, i´mgetting hungry, would you like cake?
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How about now?
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Heeellooo and again welcome
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logging into system
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Dan, roll a d20 now please.
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I know you're trying to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that is something I cannot allow to happen.
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Welcome to site Team Fortress 2 Adrenalin
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Crackcom games!
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Do you konow how to think with portals? You'll see in 2012... You monster...
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Do you know how to think with portals? You'll see in 2012... You monster...
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Hello again John
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I must say, I'm rather disappointed in you, Coraline
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*You monster!!!*
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Good job! I will send you some cake.
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Do you know how to think with portals? You'll see in 2012...
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Sheldon Residence, For Wayne's Office, please press one. For Dane's Room, press two. For the home line, press three. If you would like to go through to a mobile, please press four.
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you are expected to come to aperature laboratory's, buy a portal gunand complete our tests. or face unforseen consequences.
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Sheldon Mobile Line. For Wayne, press one. For Donna, press two. For Dane, press three. For Joshua, press four and for Byron, press five.
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testing for some cake. well come see at aperature laboratory's
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Hello I am Glados and im here to tell you to subscribe or die.
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You have an E-mail. I have read it.. It was not important.
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You have recieved an E-mail. I have read it.. It was not important.
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Hello? Is anybody there?
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Hello mister Morris, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. Before we get started, please note that our previous test subjuct was human, and that you as a fox may in fact lose some, if not all, of your fur.
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Hello, would you like some cake?
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Tommy can you hear me?
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Hello and welcome to the aparture science enrichment center. My name is GLaDOS and i will help through your entire testing.
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good morning doctor frankin. how about a nice game of chess?
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Good evening doctor frankin. how about a nice game of chess
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Activating voice sequence 1899281...engaging. The cake is a LIE.
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Udvozlunk Mate szobalyaban! Kerjuk, hgy vigyazzon a szoba eppsegere, es magadra is!
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Udvozlunk Mate szobalyaban! Kerjuk, hogy vigyazzon a szoba eppsegere, es* magadra is!...* FATAL ERROR
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This is the first test from me for Aperture Science technology. I'm very happy to use it.
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hello my low life subject
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Welcome to Mate's room!*errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrror
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At the end of the test thier will be greif counseling and cake
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Buenas tardes
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Carlos Chust Cabedo
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You will die i am the master of portals
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BEN. BEN. BEN. BEN. BEN. BEN. BEN. BEN. BEN. BEN. BEN. BEN. BEN. BEN.
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Key has been found. Fuck you EBU
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rhonchi. rhonchi. coarse. rhonchi. coarse. rhonchi. bah. shah.
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Hello Robin. It is good to see you. Parker has told me soo much about me. It seems you do not like me. That is so depressing it makes my brain hurt. As the operator would say, let hiw watch stu making chocolate pudding at four o clock am.
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Hello. Thanks for calling Stock Cert Expert.
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rhonkye, rhonkye. coarse. rhonkye. coarse. rhonkye. bah. shah.
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hello there tracey girl
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ronk. eye. ronk. eye. coarse. ronk. eye. ronk. eye. coarse. ronk. eye.
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Hello Robin. Do you like making Chocolate Pudding at Four AM? Parker sure does. Maybe we could settle this now and call it a day. I have a surprise for you! Deploying Surprise in 5 4 3 2 1 Boom! You shouldn't have done that. ROFL Pudding Sucks.
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Welcome to Aperture Laboratories
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I am hungry rawr
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Hello Robert. This is a personal invitation to be a test subject at Aperture Science. If you would like to join us, please fill out the proper forms at w w w dot aperture science dot com.
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insert a word here that rhymes with funnels
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Mi name is GLaDOS, My curiosity core is the best, I love the cake and aperture sience, The portal gun is a very powerful and useful. Thanks and I hope this email with the voice of GLaDOS chibi
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Why don't you marry that thing since you love it so much?
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eu te amo
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Your battery is low. Hhh Please plug in your computer. Hhh I don't want to die.
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What is intelligence?
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Lauren Valko is a talented artist. She may be able to actually pass the test. But that's not likely.
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oh my god lazer shark is so hott.
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Hello Danny, you monster. I hope your day at the theater is horrific and filled with science. And cake.
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Hello and welcome. You are listening to crabcast. Enjoy while you can
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Welcome to Bank of Kavadonia Electronic Banking Service. If you would like to be updated on bank account information, please wait. Connecting to bank account service center.
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Hacktaah
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Coming 2012
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Negative Rave
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I started to rebuild my laboratory.
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Are you ready for the challenges?
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coming soon
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and here we are again, that's always such a pleasure, remember when you tried to kill me twice
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There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come, either, because you
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Welcome back ...did you miss our time together?
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welcome to DRAG
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Hello Vladas you now doctor Freeman ?
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Tu puta madre
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You have reached Michael Batt, he is unable to answer the phone. please leave your name and number with a biref message and he will call you back. Have a nice day
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Dit is de voicemail van Merlijn Wissink. Laat een bericht achter en hij belt terug wanneer hij kan.
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Hello Human, I like chicken
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is this chase?
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Welcome to Xerox. The most efficient authoritation state in all of human history.
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The cake is a spy.
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Some cake is fine.
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You got a new message. In order to receive your cake you have to check your phone. Do it now...you Monster!
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diyei llowelita
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Hello! I'm Italy.
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la siguiente prueba te matara galo, espero vivas
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galo, you are dead
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Problem Officer
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Josh Hudgeons, what are you doing over there. You better be studying or you will get no cake.
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Ten Foot Long Meatstick
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DJ Tearies
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I do not feel alright being in here. I jgjgjgjgjgjg want to jgjgjgjgjg go now.
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Zachary does not want to see your shitty paper.
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I am doing math homework. Math is my favorite subject. I love math. Math. Math. Math. I could do math all day long. Two plus two equals...four.
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You have a text.
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Ariana Corporation Computer Core reboot completed. Reboot time- 27 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 6 hours, 9 minutes, and 14 seconds. Memory prior to reboot is being recovered. Thank you for checking in, scanning, Head Manager Aroth L Sjögren.
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rachelle
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This is the voicemail of Merlijn Wissink. Leave a message and he will call you back later. The cake is a lie.
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The only possible excuse this week is because you were too busy with your 5 man dervish god way team. And didn't eat your cake.
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hola mariam!
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OOOOH boy. New text message.
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OOOOH boy. New text message has arrived.
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Good morning yon tha
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Have a nice weekend!
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thank you for your call. please leave a message and we will call you back
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Hello, this is the voicemail of Nikkie Siersma. Leave a message and she will call you back later. The cake is a lie
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Dont Put the Experemental Weightet Box into a ANti Expropriatinforce field
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Please wait until line is encrypted.
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line secured.
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this is classified and everything i say in here is private
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Welcome DRAG
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I SUCK
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LOLOLOLOLOLOL
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About Aperture Operation System
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I do not know what to say. This is just a vocal test.
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Well hello there, you have failed your test, and will now be incinerated
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Welcome to the Aperture Science phone message storage system. Marco Meijer is currently away. Leave a message in the Aperture Science phone message storage system, and he might call you back, later.
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Welcome to the Aperture Science phone message storage system. . , ... Marco Meyer is currently away. , . ... Please leave a message in the Aperture Science phone message storage system,. , , . and he might call you back, later.
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Hey Hey Hey
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GLaDOS.com has performed an illegal operation and will be shutdown. Error: the process cannot terminate itself.
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I sure hope coach walker doesn't come check on us.
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Hello, Coach Walker. This is GLaDOS, please do not be alarmed. I mean the best for you. Do what I say and there will be cake. I promise.
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Hey, Menno. I am going to kill you with my awesome Nerve gas!
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Welcome to our fair city. Our fair ruler Senernon is very excited to have you be part of our society. With a little help, you too will soon be thriving in our community. Please finish the tutorial program for some cake. And there will be cake. Honest.
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I'm GLaDOS. I'm very happy today.
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this is a furhter test of a cofiguration report of a plastic beach assembly.
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My....name......is....Glados
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red death die
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death die Mwhahahaha
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red sweet die ...mwahahahaha
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Flandre is my daughter.... Mwhahahahahha
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This is the story of my town Nuketown
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This is the story of my town Nuketown. This town used to be full of friendly people and now it's an all out war.
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hi this is renjith ams sorry that i cant attend your call now. please leave me a message i will return your call as soon as possible
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Thank you for calling the Yahoo Science computer-aided enrichment center. We are unable to talk your test subject application at this time. Please leave a message.
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Thank you for calling the Yahoo Science computer-aided enrichment center. We are unable to take your test subject application at this time. Please leave a message and we will dispatch a test associate for your retrieval once needed.
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Warning. Hypercore rupture immenent. Please evacuate all staff to the Underground Bunker Assembly. Upon ariival, please seal all doors and wait until you are notified that the rupture has ceased to come out. Estimated time to rupture is five minutes.
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Warning. Airlock failure immenent. Please enjoy yourself while you depressurise
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willkommen auf F-C-Ns server
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cool smooth
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Where did your life go wrong
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Oh its you. Its been a long time. How have you been?
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I like the beach
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get the fuck away
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Hello Lydia, how have you been? Just Kidding. I know how you have been. I watch you sleep.
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you have a message eric
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Lemons
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as
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aperture science has a message for you
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Hello, this is a test run
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Android Testing Center
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Sequence initiated
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If you wish to continue please step forward
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Hello Francis, Welcome to the Enrichment Center... Bizotch!
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what the fuck lol
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Antonio how are you? Are you still playing on that Miku Miku dance thing?Well, tha's nice just don't play with my body there!Haha, just kidding
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Sequence concluded
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The Aperture Science is here the to tell you that the kkkkkk cake...cake...kkkkkkk...the cake is a lie
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Antonio...are you still there...It's time for testing to begin...are you ready?
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Jarrel is a naughty snigga
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u must ......... EAT CAKEEEEEEEEEEEE
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What's your point anyway survival well the lat thig ou want to hurt me I have our brain scan in case anything happens to you
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Don't believe me here I'll put you on HElluuuu THAT'S YOU THAT'S HOW DUMB YOU SOUND YOUR NOT SMART YOUR NOT A SCIENTIST YOUR NOT EVEN A FULL TIME EMPLOYEE where did your lif go so wrong?
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Hello and welcome to the aperature science enrichment center. Please leave all non testing apparatus on the desk's nironeuclayicmembrain. Remember bring you Portal to work day is a great time to DIE
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WHY IS MY BEAUTIFUL HEAD FLOATING AROUND IN DEEP SPACE
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ass, ass, ass? ass. ass. ASSSSSS. ass!!
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Unbelievable. You, [subject name here], must be the pride of [subject hometown here]!
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Dear Residents of Bytescape, I A.G.T, am ever sorry for any items i have taken from chests in Nooblet. I'm sure it was a wrong thing to do as people DID have to mine it all themselves. At the time I thought it was allowed, as I asked EUG, however he
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misinterpreted what I was asking, but still this gavve me the impression that it was wrong, if I had known I would have put it all back in nooblet, however I can prove I can be different I will do it. In conclusion, It is something tht I should not have
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done and I am ashamed, I also should not have filled, I was immature and was having a 'tantrum'. I would undo all I did if I could but that is impossible now. Thankyou for listening.
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why, this aggression was justifiable
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why, I sought to prevent your success
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why, I send this warning. you monster
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You just got trolled bihtch! HAHAHAHA
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Hi you there
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science laboratories! Today, we are testing you're in our new maze, called portal maze.
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You will need speed, agility, and wit
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dollarbeats
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Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? No says the man in Washington. It belongs to the poor. No says the man in the vatican. It belongs to God. No says the man in Moscow. It belongs to everyone.
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Thank you for calling.
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Warning; Unknown intruder in video monitoring bay
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Attention facebook, Dan is gone good bye
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Hello Mike
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Hello Pro-X. How are you today?
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Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Club Neobrush 911 is the best guild and there's no doubt about it. To the East!*clap* *clap* To the West. *clap* *clap* To the East, to the West! Turn around! Touch the ground. GO CLUB NEOBRUSH 911!!
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Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Club Neobrush 9 1 1 is the best guild and there's no doubt about it. To the East! To the West. To the East, to the West! Turn around! Touch the ground. GO CLUB NEOBRUSH 9 1 1!!
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Welcome to portal
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Hello. Kevin.
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shut up cory
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hello! this test is impossible, unless you cheat.
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heloooo i missed u do you want to play again. because we have a new type of cake and i think you'll love it
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Watch into the future!
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hello, welcome back. how have you been? You monster
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Nick has swag
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This is a test message.
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hey chainey, stop playing source engine games you nublet
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hello chris isnt here right now so call back later
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This was a triumph, I'm making a SOAP note, HUGE SUCCESS, It's hard to overstate my satisfaction, Nursing Science we do what we must because we can, for the good of all of us except for the ones who are dead, but there's no sense crying over every mistak
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Fat nigger balls
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Don't talk like that, Atlas. You know how much it upsets the critics.
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what ever
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producciones arathons
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Hello everyone
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A black boy is playing in the kitchen and he covers himself in flour. He goes up to his mother and says “Mummy, look at me ! I’m not a little black boy anymore I’m a little white boy!”
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Welcome to the Aristeia Guild Website. Everyone Applicant Gets Cake.
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God is Love
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you are a walrus
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walrus
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Walrues are godlike animals because of their epicness. Please do not break the walrus.
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i just made apoopie
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Gearworks studios presents a video you shoud all watch because of hidden messages in your cerial and eastern walls of your home. Thank you for choosing gearworks for your entertainment needs
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hello, and again welcome to the apercher science computer aided enrichment center. Please leave a message after the tone.
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Kyle coughlin lost his virginity to a poll
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Hey babe i like poop
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EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!
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jordan is a fat queer
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bazinga
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FLY AWAY NOW FLY AWAY NOW FLY AWAY!
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