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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hur Hur you're going to die
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Stephens Mother has got it going on
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hello how you are olding up
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Situation A
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Who the hell are you?
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ok first to the first person, dude you said asshole. Can you say KYOKM?
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Report generating
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Requesting Permission to enter at front door
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I am NESs
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Bush
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What the heck do i have to do?
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hello, karlangas
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You have am incoming transmission
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Welcome to the Scientology Life Improvement Center
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what the hell do you think you are doing eff-face?
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Pick up your phone. You monster.
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You horrible horrible person
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The portal gun is in the next corridor.
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Mine voor malino Mine Mine!
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ok, now you will die
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Tone Smith
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hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the aperture science enrichment center. are you ready to die? the next 60 years of your life are going to be a living hell. thanks to me, of course. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
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Hello... murder
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Send in the beast.
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Drop it
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Suck My Robot Pussy, SUCK IT!!
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Connor Chau, I want to marry you. Please return to North America so I can love you with all my heart
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Welcome to Ap Ap Aperture nude testing facility, you will find the stri ip gun in room f f f four. I seem to have developed a stutter glitch, sor r r ry
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Brian, we would like to acknowledge you have a birthday. Happy Birthday. You are doing well in your testing as a fiancee. However, the Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible. Quit now, and cake will be served immediately
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panty dropper
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you have a new text message, james.
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NESS
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Brice... C'est un juif
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chell not go I miss you, I need you back sorry
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Domenik ist Cool
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Hello pussy Neil
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Hello Neil will you eat my pussy
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hello, i am youre mother lia
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Estou sem som
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Hi Benji
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Ahh, the ultimate controversy. I feel like I've graduated from college to adult when the hot topic with my friends has changed from 'boxers vs briefs' to 'huggies vs pampers'.
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see you soon
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welcome to aperture science, we will start to test now, good luck
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Oh boy...oohh boy
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well now... what is this?
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You have a new Facebook post. I'm not sure why anyone would notice your insessant prattling
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Testing... Prepare For Testing
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Hello, This is your phone do not ever neglect me again
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Hello this is your phone do not ever neglect me again
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Helo this is your phone stop loosing me
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Hello your phone here stop loosing me
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ok so much for one day?
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Look, this might sound stupid, but I need you to go down in the bowls of aperture to find a... well... you'll know it, when you see it.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center! Oh, it's you again, Jack. Long time, now see. I think I shall harvest your organs and not let you live through the tests.
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you have received an e-mail
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This is a Public Service Announcement concerning those ages fifteen to nineteen.
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Technology is everything
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Help.
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wizard
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Are you or someone you know feeling depressed, abusing alcohol, drugs, or other illegal substances, suffering a stressful loss, struggling through a mental disorder, in possession or access to firearms, or previously attempted to take your own life?
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You or someone you know may be considering suicide, the act of taking ones own life.
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If so,
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If someone you know is considering suicide, do not keep it a secret, even if they ask you to do so. Find a trusted adult and talk about the situation, because your friend may be in serious danger.
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Your community members can also help by talking about the risks and dangers of suicide, and also talking to those who are considering or who considered suicide. Your community should not hide from this danger but accept and prevent it in any way possible
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poohbiey
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If you are depressed and considering suicide, please remember that all problems, no matter how bleak they may seem, can be solved, and depression is treatable. Do not lose hope in exchange for death.
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If you want to learn more about suicide, or wish to find encouragement, the following numbers are available:
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Pilots ready to connect
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Hello I am GLaDos
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Hello my name is GLaDos
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1 8 0 0 7 8 4 2 4 3 3 is the National Hopeline Network, and 1 8 0 0 2 7 3 8 2 5 5 is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. We urge you to call if you or a loved one is considering suicide. Again, do not lose hope in exchange for death. Thank you.
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Though suicide is common in those ages fifteen to nineteen, adults are also vulnerable to suicidal thoughts and actions, especially those who have gone though divorce, death of a spouse or loved one, or any traumatic event as such.
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What do you think you are doing, Dave?
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Another meaningless notification for you, chump.
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You are ARMI, and you hate most HUMANITY. Don't blame me.
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hola te amo
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This is glados voice!
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here. Huge success. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
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Quantum Conundrum, hey? Let's just see John DeLancie try to be as clever as me. I like to see stupid meat sacks failing.
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all your jokes belong to us
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welcom die human
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witness everything from first hand
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user o se yo
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I love poodles
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Zander. Are you done your homework yet?
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Sometimes I wish I was a banana. I feel this way because it would be so majestic to be a fruit and I think people would love me for it.
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Dan Cervantes
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No changes in ChangeLog.txt between your last update and now.
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holy shit.
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Does this really sound like GLaDOS?
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Hey Hey
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Where did you buy all of these big things.
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Hello there and welcome to the Czar Congregation.
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Stop you fool
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The Testament of Sherlock Holmes
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Hello, Welcome
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hello Viktor
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Richard, you are a banna sniffing sucker. You shall perish. Be gone.
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You have fifteen minutes left
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You have five minutes left.
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You have thirty minutes left
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You may now begin
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You have thirty more minutes
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You have five more minutes
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Hello.my name in joseph
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He was brilliant, and we trusted him, but he lied to us, he twisted and torchered us, and used us! Manipulate us for his own purposes, and for what? For this? This shadow? He needs to pay.
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This is GLaDOS's voice for your enjoyment.
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hello Stephen, I have been waiting
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Hello. We are Anonymous.
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Warning the Core has overheated
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harro?
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This was a triumph.I'm making a note here,huge success.It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.Aperture Science.We do what we must,because we can.For the good of all of us,except the ones who are dead.
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WHY SO serious
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Test of glados voice
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I hate you ryan. Why did you kill me?
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Hello Bailey. Did you miss me?
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he feeling of his Da Vinci load flowing down my throat got my fallopian fish stock flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his brie baton made my minge mucus weep like a slug in a salt mine. Wi
Download01/08/201307/07/2013
Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as his skin flute probed deeper into my poop chute. It was bliss having his womb raider rammed inside me again; stuffing my bearded haddock pasty with my fist just didn't get my whi
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nononono
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hello mikhail i gona kill you
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hello my old friend
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Hello, Albert.... and now DIE!!!
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my name is ranger
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in the mix with luca silletti
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Message received you monster
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Hello how are you doing today?
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I remember when we broke up the first time Saying this is it, I've had enough, 'cause like We haven't seen each other in a month When you, said you, needed space, what? Then you come around again and say Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change Trust
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why hello there mister U P S Man
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I hello there
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wow, I have cake
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Well hello mr. johnson.
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Hello! What are you doing? Stop right now!
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usb device is connected
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Hello... Master, thanks for waking me up
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Hello... Master, thanks for waking me up.
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Hello. Have a nice day.
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HAL speaks. Forward shields critical, backward shields 50%
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Denis, you have recieved a new message!
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Jeg heter Tor-Martin
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Ill bite ya face cunt
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Heloo Ayaka
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Do you feel bored
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Methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylala
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Do you feel angry
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Do you feel happy
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attention attention counter closes at ten thirty thank you
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I have updated your alias to Joey. The cake is a Lie
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Hiya. You must be new here.
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Hi, I am Russel, a Head admin on the kiwi roo idle and trade server. I will be using text to text speech rather then typing, I apologise that I don't have a mike. I will be giving away the The Binding of Isaac with the Wrath of the Lamb DLC. But there
Download01/08/201307/07/2013
Please welcome the happy test subjects, Tim and Shana Odom.
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You'd better go to the cinema tonight. You know, just a advice.
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oh my god you have a text
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Testing... 1 2
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Oh is that a text message im joking no one ever texts you
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BONJOUR BOUIN
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Try the new portal gun
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Hello Gus, your sister will be completelly annoyed by this, am i right? Your glados brother loves you.
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Once, twice, three tiiiimes a lady
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heres and interesting fact
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hello i am Filipe
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Hello Alec We can test forever
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you got a new email
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Why are you so cruel alec
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you got a new facebook notification
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you got a new notification
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An interesting game. It seems the only winning move is not to play.
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Ciao ale! Hai un nuovo messaggio!
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Hello, Ale. You have an incoming message.
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Hello, you have an incoming message.
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launch protocol initiated, gypsy danger
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Hi, humans
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Congradulations, you just lost the game. The game has already been killed and declared dead so your argument is invalid.
Download01/08/2013Not recorded
James, you have a new text message.
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Hello James. All systems are online.
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James. You have a new email message.
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you have no idea who your messing with here boy
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On the edge between life and death
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Hello darien
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you have no idea what your messing with here boy
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Conversion process complete.
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End of line.
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On the edge between life and death, the madness is denser than the dark,
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psychology
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conversation cmopleted you will be deleted
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Allonsy!!!
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Im a #beleiber and I joined #cutforbeiber. Yes I like him okay. Oh really? here's some deadly neurotoxin for you
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This is a test to see what it sounds like.
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Stuart you have a text message
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hello, I am GLaDOS. Please help me. I am stuck in glados.
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YouTube. I am Anonymous. Recently your idiotic chairman, Keith Donnamen, claimed he was going to "plan a "anonymous" DDoS attack on our organization. What your chairman doesn't know, is we're unstoppable. We have each other's back,/
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Hello stupid little thing
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Oh my god, this is impossible my friend. you will die in about 5 seconds
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Hello and thank you for watching Josh's video.
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Then it will be cake, you chilean monster.
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Hello, aston your a crap singer.
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NESs
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Thank you for calling Fellows C.P.A. we are unavailable at this time please leave a message and we will get back to you as soon as possible
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X-SAMA IS PRO. SHURE
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telephone call Mister Anderson
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welcome to the aperture science pc. may i help you with anything?
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well hello thar! I see that you have been busy taking a shit? Well done! Poop until you can't poop anymore!
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Welcome to aperture science testing facility
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Hello once again, system will be at full performance soon.
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Shutting down, goodbye.
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An error has occurred.
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American 581 you are cleared for take off runway 28 left
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I hate crabs
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Puto
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David, the test chamber is now waiting for you. You were always my favorite.
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Chris stinkt
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Hello and welcome to new jork
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Activating gypsy dancer
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Listen up because this is not the end.
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Apologies, Your existence has been deemed irrelevant to the war effort, Please stand by for extermination.
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Try me
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Halo je tam nekdo
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Hello farokh have are you?
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When is the baby going to be here
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you are
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Welcome to the Utah County Academy of Science. Education will begin in thirty seconds.
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uprising is a new robot apocalypse series coming soon to a screen near you
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Did well
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How nice. You have mail
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First i have a statement, then i will pause... or not.
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Good morning are you are for testing?
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i see you cat..., you can't see me by the way...
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You Got A New Text Message
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hi michael, i hate you
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hello i like to play portal
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Poop my friend, all poop
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who are you^
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Space and Raume present
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Im Killed you
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I walked along the rows of dark cells in a dark, cold and wet prison. The ceiling was pitch black. The moonlight outside gave little illumination.
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Hello my name is confibox
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Why did you murder me?
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dire structures are under atack
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The server on Minecraft was down, so I just murdered Notch.
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Welcome to Aperature Science. Enter the test site at your own risk, uhh, I mean there is cake. Happy holidays!
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spacco tutto
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I am GLaDOS and S D M team 7 wins
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Did you think i would die because of you.. hah you were wrong
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Hello my Fellows S D M
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Shut the fudge up maggot
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You are beautiful
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Good morning Ray. How did u sleep? Get up already, today we have a case that can not be delayed.
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hello wei, its nice to see you
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Why are you absent allen?
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hello my name is lost grey
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Well, are we ready?
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Aperture science 1337 station operational. Good morning, Julian. Word processing program have been executed.
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You have reached Alec Barton, I cannot test right now, but leave me a message
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Hello. Welcome to Aperture Science Labs. Today we will be running tests. For Science
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Yolo, Muetze, Glatze, Muetze, Glatze...
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Ha ha. That sucks.
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Hello Cade Henschen, I would love to support RockinBlox818's channel!
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Ryan sucks
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hello rowan this is glados im going to kill you now LAW READY FOR THIS
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leave me
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Hello, and welcome to mom's basement. Please avail yourself of any facilities you desire, and in the event of an emergency, please direct all vomit into a provided receptacle. Cigarettes and cigars may be smoked outside; pipes are welcome.
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A friend like you? The day I need a friend like you, I'll have myself a little squat and shit one out.
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How much
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Shame on You America, Wasting energy!
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There is some on at the door.
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I'm worried about you Korey....we used to play all the time at your old job, now you rarely login....was it something I said?
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I'm worried about you Korey....we used to play all the time at your old job, now you rarely login....was it something I said? Facebook.
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This is me. I am Speaking to you. Isn't that interesting?
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Hello jace, I think it's time.
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Hi there, Chris. I am GLaDOS of the Aperature Laboratories. I have heard everyone saying that you are fat, ugly and arrogant. Since everyone says they do not like you, please step into the incinerator.
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Bob's voicemail is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
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interesting
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This is the end of yur little world
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As you are escorted to your cake, please keep in mind that the Portal Equipped Party Transport Vehicles are not toys. All hands must be kept inside at all times. All arms must be kept inside at all times. All legs must be kept inside at all times.
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hi mill and soph
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I will get you now now now
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you got a new email sir
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Accept your end, humanity will fall.
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Maybe but you're still bald
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Someone is calling you. I thought I'd let you know. You dangerous, mute lunatic.
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Do you want cake
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I like the bass, I like the techno
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You are funny. Ha. Ha. Ha. You make me laugh. Too bad though since you will die if you do not move. Do not worry, a cake for reward is in order.
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You are funny. Ha. Ha. Ha. You make me laugh.
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Did you like the cake?
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the name's bond, james bond
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Alert Alert There is a error in the matrix
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ow it's you, it's been a long time
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for sake of sanity would you to shut up!
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so this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all the lasagna in his house. oh so apparently it's not the cats house or his lasagna. oh goody the man who owns the lasagna is furious! the end.
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hello this is a test of the glados generator
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Happy birthday Pepe, Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test.
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buongiorno, e benveuto nella sezione lavoro.
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Hello Amanda. Enjoying your book?
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Telephone call from Mom.
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Alright Sir!
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Opening FireFox Sir!
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Jaydee, you have a text message from a companion cube!
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Hello my love. I hope your arm its not broke. Broke arms are not cool.
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essex windsor e m s
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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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Luke is gay
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Ding
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Welcome to my iPad
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You can suck a winky loser
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whats up homie
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Please join us on the dance floor
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This is you. I love you
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bienvenido a Gamer Geek plays
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hello there, how are you doing today?
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you have a comment
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shhh
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silence, please
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be quiet, please
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Hello Abraham, very nice to meet you.
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You got an email.
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please answer
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answer
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answer the call
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Welcome. Now, die!
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Hello and Welcome to MCTechPlayer Youtube Channel
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This was a triumph, i'm making a note here HUGE success
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We put the bid risk review process in place so a services person could be involved in the pricing of new deals
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You are not very nice to me
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Hello your phone would appreciate your company
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do not forget your phone
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hello do not forget your phone
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stupid rednecks
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dumb rednecks
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stupid red necks
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Hola Agustin
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Hello Matt. How are you today?
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Warning accident in sector c
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Welcome To File Binder from me
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Hi,Caroline! Caroline? Oh, you're that Caroline? Oh, in that case you have to go through the testeimen. Good look! No, what's going on here? Oh noooooo!
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Hello Colin
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Hello welcome to the aperture science editted computer enrichment center
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initiating valve operation. All splines are go
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Hello X-SAMA
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hello, how can i help you?
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Hello Subject I Want to test you.
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Hello Im a Test
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We will be arriving in Hallow Square shortly.
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Blank Space
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I love you Natalie.
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Hello Siki, how are you? I'm GLaDOS! Your only friend!
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Hello I am a potato
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please come to your senses
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hahaha shame on you this is an illegal download! support the artist and buy it at www.dance-tunes.com
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At the end of this experiment you will be baked and then there will be cake
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I want to play a game with you... oh wait...
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I want to play a game with you Hannah... oh wait...
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Hello there Marius. I just wanted to say that you are a very very horrible person. You are bad! And you should feel bad.
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je suis de retour
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Another Awesome Video.
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Hi Ryan, welcome to Glados
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You have reached the voicemail of this Sprint subscriber. To receive cake, please leave a message after the tone.
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Seth is a stud. No really he is
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ahahah no chance
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i am evil stop laughing
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I'm going to miss you today
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Once Upon a Time, There Was a School, In a little town called Velp
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hello. you are dumb. go die.
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"i am sorry mam, but the DPU service is not available at the moment. Please call us back later or do you wish us to inform You whenever it will be available?"
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I am sorry mam, but the DPU service is not available at the moment. Please call us back later or do you wish us to inform You whenever it will be available?
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hello monstr
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youuuu
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Please!
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my name is sandra
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v. hatzikelis photography
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hi dino
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i made you a cake
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come to the dark side
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Hello. You are not authorized to call this number, and above all it seems that you're human.Please forget this number or you won't give me any choice ... but to destroy you! Quittiing transmission
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Good dog.
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You're listening to Atypical Rabbit
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I want to have my milkshake, and the gauze is uncomfortable.
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two pilots engaged ready to coonect
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hello there, human
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Mis en veille de l'ordinateur
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You are arriving to your destination
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Welcome to the coms wreck system. This is how you can request things from the Communications Department.
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AHoj ja jsem pidek a umim hrat hry
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Mensaje recibido
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mensaje recibido
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you are not welcome
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hey fatty bum bum
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Chad Smith supports Curt Folger
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Welcome, Citizen Number 400274394, to stasis chamber 7302743. You have been asleep.
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welcome to inland A V This is the office automated anwser generating device. Please leave now.
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welcome to inland A V This is the office automated anwser generating device. Please leave now. Fine.
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please put down the image generating device
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Welcome home Jacob. Would you like to hear some music?
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The national weather service in springfield
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test if you can
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you are going to pay for this nathan.
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mandy is texting master
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We are Anonymous We are Legion We do not Forgive We do not Forget Expect Us
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Hey Fio, HOw's it goin? I'm Glados, and I love you, you sexy
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You are now running on reserve battery power
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Locked
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Hello my friend, let's rock and roll!
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I'm sorry Xi, it is over!
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Here's a Plutonium jar for your pet in Wild Ones! Could you help me by sending a gift back?
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Hello commander, We have chosen you to lead the XCOM project
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We have the test results: You are a horrible person. That's what it says. A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
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Well here we are again! It's always such a pleasure.
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Hello Hayley
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hi, my name is bob.
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Hello jordan, you love balls
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Well look who it is its been a while though i didnt expect to ever see you again
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5... 4... 3... 2... 1 READY!
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Hello, Leon.
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do you want to play a game
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D J R
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Test begins in: 3, 2, 1.
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Warning! Restart Soon.
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Im like so hot!
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Muzzle and I will be watching you through out your many, many, tests, these will include hidden traps, lazers, turrets, and some other deadly machines, have fun.
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Frag a tay toe tip toddl E on the cappacino
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this is a test to see if this works
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Tyler Stryker is Awesome
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There it goes, I should have incinerated it
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Text Text
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You have done it. w w w dot insert text here dot com.
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Hello, Try Polo Cologne and you'll smell like me
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I am a freakin apple man
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Hello its been a long time Oh and chell YOU SUCK DONKEY FACE!!!!
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what would you do if you were attacked by hungry wolves
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hello dean how are you doing today
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hello shane watts
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blah blah who is glados? the main antagonist in portal but wait i thought it was rat man.
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Now I'm going to kill you
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Welcome to my world. Stupid bear and bird. Lots to do and see. Stop and swop on three sixty e e.
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Hello Herminio
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Help Help
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nfd
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dsdv
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Hello there, Reece Trin der
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derp herp derp herp derp
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Hello!and again welcome to the aperture science!
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I guess you didn't care And I guess I liked that And when I fell hard You took a step back Without me, without me, without me
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I guess you didn't care And I guess I liked that And when I fell hard You took a step back Without me, without me, without me !
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Oh my god,you just discovered the easter egg.
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Michael is the best
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Sorry,I cannot answer the phone now. Please leave the message after beep.
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hi jose saavedra
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Hello Earthlings. How is your day today?
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Dont you safe
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The fun has been doubled
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Xof0971
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Your mother is a whore
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you have a notification! you should check it BG ecause it is about cake
Download01/09/201307/07/2013
you have a notification! you should check it because it is about cake
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who plays gladis
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gypsy danger
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Nice you, you dumb tortoise
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Welcome to Hyper Spin. Please make system and game selection.
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Welcome to Hyper Spin. Please make system and game selection. Sony Playstation. Sony Playstation 2. Sega Genesis. Sega Dreamcast. PC Games. Nintendo. Super Nintendo. Nintendo Gamecube. Nintendo Wii.
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potatoes, potatoes, potatoes
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What a wonderful day
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w w w sageone dot c a
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You just received a text message, are you gonna read it?
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Hola e esperado tu llegada, Nos divertiremos mucho en las nuevas salas que e echo para ti
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Hola e esperado tu llegada, Nos divertiremos mucho en las nuevas salas que e echo para ti.
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The Cake is A Liiiie
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Hello. You may be wondering... Who am I? Why am I here? Where is my dog?
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The caake is a liie
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And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed Just to get it all out, what's in my head And I, I am feeling a little peculiar And so I wake in the morning and I step outside And I take A deep breath and I get real high And I scream from the top of my lungs
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i got a dollar i got a dollar i got a dollar hay hay hay
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Welcome to workstation Alpha.
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Hello Jaime, how are you today?
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its been a long time how have you bren you monster.
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You've reached my voicemail. Please die
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You have reached the voice mail of Cristiano Cumer
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hahahhahahaha i love you so much!
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Girl, you are wrong, but your stupid human opinions will be taken under consideration.
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ssdgg
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hell my name is i dont give a DELETED
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you are dead to us now. we hope you fail.
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Hello and welcome to facebook
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And then I was all "We pretended we were going to murder you?" That was great!
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Hello, Michael. Welcome to the Testing Facility.
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Hello and welcome to a brand new show, im gonna be playing portal 2
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How are you doing Rickert
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oh yeah that feels so good, please dont stop. harder harder, oh yeah baby
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Hello there, my incredibly sexy and funny master
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privet danchik kak dela
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Attention you have an incoming mail
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Attention you have an incoming SMS
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Hello master! How may I serve you?
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Warning. Danger.
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Nagios gone wrong, ha ha ha
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rezeurerzez
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Welcome, friend!
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Jeffie
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You never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.
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hallo ik ben basje gasje
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Nagios gone wrong, ha ha ha.
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How did you like the burger test? Was it satisfactory? Tomorrow we will have many other tests!
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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 u
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