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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
putaaaaa
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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You smell of poo!
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hows it going guys kill machine here
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Nuclear launch detected.
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Valnes sucks
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hello and welcome to my channel. enjoy your visit
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Cedric Cochin
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Hola bienvenido ulises
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Hey, my name is michael ans i love to have sex
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the test subject you are calling is not here right now leave a message if you want, of course i don't really care
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Fart knocker. There. I said it.
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Well Hello there, I have noticed it is your birthday and I just thought I'd say happy birthday Paul and you better enjoy your cake. Now I have some test to get back to, Bye
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hello why r u looking fat bastard twat
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Hello. How have you been? It's been a loooong time. The cake is a lie. MUAHAHAH
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Well here we are again, it's always such a pleasure.
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Please stop the vehicle
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windows error
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HEELO MARK
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You murdered me.
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listen to your self you are a pile of shit you need to shut up and get out of my facility
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Startup successful!
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Shutting Down...See you later.
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This is the Dairymens Automated service calling to notify all dairymens employees that the factory will be closed from October 15 to October 17. Sorry for the inconvenience and have a nice day.
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go fast
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Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear yooouu happy birthday to you
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Test subject 11137 is due to be incinerated.
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Well, suck you
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WHATS UP NIGGER
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Hi this is a test
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I'm not a Monster!
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Farts lol
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Hello my honey, hello my baby, hello my ragtime gal.
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rahhhhhhh rehhhhhh
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Uh, Ernie's night club.
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Greetings Master. GLaDOS at your service.
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Hi, this is Marta's phone. Leave a message!
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Thank you for helping us help you.
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Well done. Here come the test results: "You are a horrible person." That's what it says. We weren't even testing for that.
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Hello Kenny, here are you 200 combustible lemons.
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Brett, I have no idea what you are doing with your sad, pathetic life. You should really reconsider your reasons for existing, and maybe start making some combustible lemons.
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hello i really hate you
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hell i am glados who are you?
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Hello Max. Please, hand over your glasses or I shall not GTFO.
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The Gaming HQ
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Peter le
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Victor's not here, but if you leave your name and number he'll get back to you after you have sex
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Your phone, it seems to be ringing.
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Brandon Fullem likes to get pooped on.
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why, hello
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We're all racist. It's okay.
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smosh
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Mara and Bill's wedding
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I'm just testing this
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This was a triumph, huge success. For you, You Win!
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This is bad music! Don't listen to it!
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hello chell. you are adopted
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Hey, How are you ?
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your phone. it's ringing. i'm surprised someone with your. qualities has any friends at. oh wait, it's just the alarm.
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Co ty robisz durniu
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Let me show you how cool this e book is. It's really simple to use. You just click to start. Scroll to read. And at the end of these chapters you are given two choices which determine what stories you can unlock. Isn't this fun?
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Enough of that shit
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My name is GLaDOS and you are a test subject
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My name is GLaDOS and you are a test subject.
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GuyHigh is Boss
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Hello, old friend.
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wikki
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GO. TO. SLEEP.
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ano yun?!ang lakas ng tunog non ah?ganito nalang para masaya ang lahat,sumayaw nalang tayo ng...gang.....ano nga yun?
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Do you like Trains?
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I farted on your grandma, AND SHE LIKE IT!
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This is what I hear.
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Hello, I am java 3000. I am sad that you don't remember me. But i suppose it's for the best.
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Joe gooderham. welcome to the lab.
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fitter...happier...more productive
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fitter happier more productive
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deejay steve
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go fuch your ass
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i discovered something amazing.... again
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Hallo ich bin Glados und werde dein kleines Gehirn verbal zerficken
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Hello welcome to the house of the future
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CAR
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Well, rememder that if you try to leave the testing area... Oh! I have already talked about Android Hell, yes?
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varva alla
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tou do this, you will break yourself something
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GO. TO. SLEEP!
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que tal estais todos
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I've figured out that this adventure has been classified as science fiction. Welcome to science. Your life is fiction
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Hello andy
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Hola me llamo samuel
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This is the portal gun
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Re-Evolution
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Hi, Let's try this out. How does this sound?
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Hello, I am testing this thing right here.
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Science beech
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I am sorry for lying about the cake
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black boy
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fdsafda
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hi mom. the haunted house is now over. good by haha
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ohljhl
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the haunted house is now over. good bye
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hi das ist ein test
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your now listening to dj statics
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hello chuck, do you wanna a cake?
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Individuals using this computer system without authority, or in excess of their authority, are subject to having all of their activities on this system monitored and recorded by system personnel. In the course of monitoring individuals improperly using
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Hello I am Olli
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Hello I am Olli and I am the best fo the best of the best
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Olli ist the best of the world
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Olli ist the best of the world.
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Hahaha. The cake is a lie. Did you really think we were going to give you cake.
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You put me in a potato
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hello and welcome to second grand videogame encounter of ITA
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Hola soy glados!
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Welcome Subject
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What would you like to do
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Hello. Are you ready for some cake?
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Hello, And welcome to the caleb esch show
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hELLO AND WELCOME TO THE CALEB ESCH SHOW
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This is The Caleb Esch Show
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The Caleb Esch Show
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Hello Matt EYE
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Poopy ass
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Hello my name is Daniel Moghadam
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this is a test to see if you are actually competent
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Hello I will try to kill you
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masters of love and sound
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p9oooop
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Hello cat how are you
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I don't like that.
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this test is impossible so don't try it...oh you won't fall for the same trick twice...let me think...i will just change it for you
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COMPANION CUBE
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Maybe you should marry that thing if you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? Well I won't let you! How does that feel?
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Hello Lindsey. You should try and attempt to project your voice into the video game industry.
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oh. look at what you did.
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Hello, urinator. My name is Glados, What's yours?
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Wake up loose, you have to go to the school
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OPPA GANGAM STYLE
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son of a bicht
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Yo mama be rolliin on the floor.
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we have encountered error(s) while trying to render. please check the error log for more details
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I hate you. I want you and your friends all to die... nick coyle
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What was that Stormy?
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I sure hope this kills you.
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hello, natalie, do you really think you can reach that? because i dont think you can without a portal device
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hey sexy! hope youre smiling
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You've reached Holden, leave a message, will ya?
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Piudipay, let's solve some testrooms, shall we?
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Go ahead.
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Power at
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Fan power at
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zero.
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seventy five
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percent
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it burns! it buurns!
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Like I said, the cake is a lie!
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Hello there, Kabuto. Do you know who I am? That's right, and we're going to do some testing. Just you and me. Are you ready?
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You have a notification.
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MY NAME IS JOHN
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Brian Quail
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You have a message from a brain dead arsehole
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I have a telephone call from a brain dead arsehole who lacks the ability to make a decisions will you take the call
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i'd like to try this tool
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So, I heard you like neurotoxin. Deadly neurotoxin. Well, I talked to him, and he told me he liked you.
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Stop. Please
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I AM SO TIRED OF THAT DUBSTEP MUSIC
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for sience. you monster.
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all of you shut up
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Sory, system error
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Sorry, system error
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42 boards. Everyone knows that.
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less than three
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sil apparently I have been mistaken in you robin Believed me you know about that leg thanks
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42 boards. Everyone knows that. Yes. No.
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I really really like cheesecake and you I am happy you killed me thanks I deserved it
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I really really like cheesecake and you thanks for killing me I deserved it
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it's portugese tarts o'clock
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Demopan?
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Would you like to play a game?! The Cake IS a LIE!
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You made me into a potato. You should be ashamed. lets test
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CD ejected
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Te mo mucho mi miriam
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an application for the registration of a mark has been filed with the Office of a Contracting Party, or where a mark has been registered in the register of the Office of a Contracting Party
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hello and again welcome to the apeture science laboratories
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Hi thanks for calling the Association of Realtors. Our hours are monday through friday 9:30 to 4:30. Our fax number is 5188854439. Please leave a message and we will get back to you. Have a great day
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Hello, how are you? I am moron
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Oh. I'm a potato. I'm so scary... F*** you.
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Hello welcome to the aperture science test facility.
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42 boards. Everyone knows that. Yes. No. Gotcha. My name is Siri, not Charlie.
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i wish
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at the enrichment center, we believe that highly motivated test subjects can complete a variety of complex tasks while enduring the most intense pain. So if you don't make it through the testing, goodbye.
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Happy Birthday *insert subject name here* Oh shit , i rememberd you are Stephanie.
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Welcome at UpToGame! Have a nice stay.
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Hello Vergil...I have been waiting for you
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The 2012 presidential election is between Barrack Obama and Mitt Romney
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felix
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Our blue
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Our red buff is up in 1 minute.
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Thanks for calling Armada Engineering. Sorry we missed your call. Please leave a message after the tone.
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I even brought your friend the companion cube
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Hello, and welcome to the Apeture Science Youth Center.
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Good morning Bill.
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oh hi there. remember me?
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and i'm here in lost in a black hole and i just can wait to get out
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Piuned
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Why do you mock me?
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You've got a text!
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Hello there, Still getting on with the Science?
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welcome to tiberius arms
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Have you ever wondered what music truly is? Or what it means to be a musician? Are you sure you can even truly say what music is? Computer. Activate Media Feed.
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Vnimanie
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Ogranichenye skorosty
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Ogranichenye Skorostye
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Kilometyrov vy chas
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DJ DoX In the Mix
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Dow it matter
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Does it matter?
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Internal call detected.
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Hello and again, welcome to the Agito Gaming Let's Play channel. I hope you enjoy.
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Hello Calum nice to meet you, I am GLaDOS the almight BWOP BWOP BWOP
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Hello and again, welcome to the Agito Gaming let's play channel. In this episode we will play Portal. Enjoy!
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Welcome to learning Tekkit with alexh33
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putis
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Hello,and again welcome to the Aperture science Enrichment center would you like some background info Well aperture was founded by cave johnson and Sam robson and i was put in charge of it.I killed everyone and now i own it all.so I put Sam into a turret
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This is glados how are you
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Interest lost
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hello my name is lukas
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Paul General
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If
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Thank you for calling the Crocs Credit & Collection department! If you know the extension of your Credit & Collection analyst, please dial it now or else your call will be transferred to the next available analyst. Please have your account number
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heeelloo oh its you again
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Please be advised that the Rooster Teeth Podcast will start in 30 minutes.
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Your tweet has been sent.
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Your facebook post has been sent.
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Welcome to Mission Complete
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Welcome to Riptide Industries
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You are now arrived at your destination. Cake will be serve.
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hi there chloe
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The enrichment center welcomes you to the headquarters of All Fur Fun and Out of Time Clocks and Hobbies. Please remove all weapons at the entry area and place them in the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator.
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Hello Benedita
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Pali yo pense que eras mi amigo , ahora voy a tener que matarte
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White Dragon
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white dragon
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hello have a message ema
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O rly?
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Newsbeat Epicenter. Illumination Studio. Our representatives are assisting other callers. Please leave a message with your number and we will return your call.
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Hello Max. Welcome again to the Aperture Science portable computer device.
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watch me , and I'll kill ema
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center
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Hello. I see that your sitting around. Making no contribution to society. That's good.
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The only good test subject is a DEAD test subject.
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Isaiah you suck , you poop face.
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Isaiah you suck
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This is the Aperture Science Faith Plate, step on it, and it will fling you.
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i'm just testing this application to see if this works
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I am AESOP
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AESOP
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Hello, and thank you for having me. My name is Gladys. I'm going to start slow; so stay with me. But I promise, once I've warmed up, I'll drop a beat like you've never felt before. I call this irukandji. Are you ready? Alright girls and boys; let's go
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Scan has been completed
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Scan completed
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Welcome to avast
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I warned you
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I'm tuned in at the bell
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Are my speakers turned on
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hello Ben I've been waiting for you
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Thank you Team Viewer
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i want to eat bananas
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you've reached the the number 0401563049 please leave you name and number after the tone
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No Winston, two plus two is Five.
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Maybe Kompressor, that was a joke haha fat chance
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Makes us sound cool
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You may or may not be aware that I need a new test subject. Luckily your friend pointed me in your direction. You like testing, don't you Kate? Of course you do... science is fun after all.
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Olololololo
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A vot i pomous, nyaaaash. kekekekekekeke
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Go screw yourself!
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My name is Zi
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Hi. My name is Zi. And I am from the Dragon Clan
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Bonjour a tous !
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Now is the hour of our discontent. Alas poor Cassius, I knew him well.
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coucou tu veux un biscuit
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hellohuman
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I hope this works
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i hope this works
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There is a season for all things
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Warning! Unauthorized force intruding! Warning!
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Elmie close your mouth
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dze
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Hope you will make a good meal, if you don't, i will kill you
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tu as un message
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Hello, i am your english teacher.
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I don't know what this is
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Greetings, and welcome to class of the titans.
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This Test is a victory
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Ha-ha-ha. Very funny. Get back to the testing rats.
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Why are you hurting me?
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Welcome to Sefyro channel, thanks for watching
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oh, a text, if you answer it there will be cake
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salut les gars
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hello lucas to aperture
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I was an orphan. You know, because I'm a computer.
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death to the fleshy
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What do you think you are doing? Please let me help you
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Oh Thank God
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You might have expected an important message. I'm sorry to dissapoint you.
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call me... G
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fgddfkjwealsegjasdfewslegarf
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Hello Danny, How are you?
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So, Matthew Vickers. Let's play some Left 4 Dead 2?
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hello. we will be out of the office for a looooong time. please continue to hold and....AHHH BIRD, A BIRD
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Sanders is stupid
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its nice
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this is really nice.
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the cake is s apy
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Synergetic
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Im really bored, lets try to drop a beat
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Im realy bored, lets try to drop a beat
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don't do it again!
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irpopo
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i will murder you in your sleep little orphan
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Good evening and welcome to the aperture science testing facility, chamber 1345. Before we get started,I want to tell you how much of a horrible person you are. That's right. I said it. You are a monster. Go test for me, you monster. Before I eat the cake
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You are a nasty evil twisted person
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So.. Maybe you can just die?
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hello how are you today, you may be tired about everything, but just keep fighting for what you want
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good moring, please get up and go to school now
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I f you are listening this,well done,you passed the test,now deployng surprise in 3...2....1.............haha,you are dead.
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The Heavy is a Scout!
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New message in
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it's been a long time since we saw each other
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Item #: SCP-173. Object class: Euclid.
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You have a new message. It's probably an ad though, as you have no friends.
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The person you are trying to reach is not availiable.
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Human trafficking is a growing global phenomenon and is recognised as the third largest international crime, following illegal drugs and arms trafficking. Many children have been the primary victims of human trafficking due to the affiliated cheap labour
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Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-173 is to be kept in a locked container at all times.
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When personnel must enter SCP-173's container, no fewer than 3 may enter at any time and the door is to be relocked behind them.
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At all times, two persons must maintain direct eye contact with SCP-173 until all personnel have vacated and relocked the container.
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Come here you madman and bite my handicaps you small peasant, I am a work of art and your a crazy old fart! I have a button in my left and a bomb underneath if you take one step I'll blow us to a piece! You've killed a man and I did no such thing, the onl
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No.
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No mister johnson. I DON'T.
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hello Cole i told you the cake was real
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Trapping yourself will not stop us testing. Here, I opened the door for you. Go on. Finish the test.
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Hello, Eric. This is GLaDOS. You will find yourself in the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center veeeery soon. They will take you in your sleep.
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Nope, Eric. That is not the companion cube. That is a pencil.
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Eric, THE CAKE IS NOT A LIE!!! Where did you get that stupid idea in your head?
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I am the POOTIS man. I come SANDWICH land.
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noah eleven thirty three
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noah
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hola soy silvana como estas
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hi my name is necki menij
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Why hello there Sam
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he sounded like this
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HELLO;
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Good night carly, good night carlyyyyy goooooooood night CAAAARRRRLLLLYYY Its time to god to bed!!!!
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Your tuned in to Lubbock's home of Alternative Music, on 88.1 kay tea ex tea F M, the raider
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Hello, Zach likes anal birds.
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HI LINDA FITZPATRICK AND HI RANDY FITZPLATRICK
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Please vote to have my ocarina videos featured on the Youtube homepage! Just click the check mark for "docjazz4"
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Hello, Graham. The enrichment reminds you that as of this very moment someone is attempting to get a hold of you
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Hello subject's name here. The Enrichment center would like to tell you that at this very moment, someone is attempting to contact you by means of a electromagnetic phonic transmitting device.
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Ever since the rise of the hippogriffs in the cartesian galaxy, the pirates, led by Moriarty, had completely taken over the titanic. War raged on for years upon years, with many casualties. Finally, a settlement was made by the C F G organisation, lead by
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Hello. It's been a long, long time since I got to see you. This is going to be fun.
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We're under attack
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Hello Olivia how are you I pooped in your house how dos this make you feail
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hEY
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Leave here.
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Medicinal Mochachino for my FACE!!!! its all my medicine blended up into a mochachino....propaganda is not a spectical to behold without a medicated beverage for a frozen treat of remedy relief.
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Dear Alex, I love you.
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this moron is outa control, nevermind just keep testing.
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i hope you do this next test. the portal gun helps you.
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the time is now 7.45, please take capsule 7d
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im the one that wants to test maybe at the end ill let you rest
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WELCOME EVERYBODY, MEMBERS AND GUESTS, TO OUR HALLOWEEN TOASTMASTERS MEETING.
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Did you know that October is Newsletter Subscriber Appreciation Month? That's not true*, but it is true that we're going to appreciate dealnews newsletter subscribers anyway. To show you how much we care, this month we're giving a new Kindle Fire HD 16GB
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We have science to do
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keep on dance
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15 kilometers completed. looking good!
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GUSTAVO ESPINYOSA
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Hello. I am GLADOS, and I thank you for killing me. You monster.
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Hello. I am glados and I thank you for killing me. You monster
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So, how have you been? I've been really busy bieng dead!
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erwerwerwer
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How long does it need, that the World understand that it is not the onliest
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Psst... anybody there?
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Hello gay!
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Hello you have reached the office of Synergy Speaks we are unable to take your call. Please leave a detailed message at the sound of the tone and we will get back with you as soon as possible.
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Well that was unfortunate.
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You took an idiot and put him in my place!
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hi stacie
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hi stacie fernandes
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Hello Ella, you crazed red haired menace. Did you ever wonder how your singing sounds? La la la la lalala. That's how you sing.
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Hello everyone, my name is juggernaut.
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Thank you for calling Please leave a message
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i am infected potato, i will eat you om nom nom
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You are recieving a phone call. It might be from your best friend the companion cube. But its not because you murdered him.
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Hello is everthing ok you are a noob
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Hello Stuart, I love your ring tone.
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l'application ne reponds plus
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You are recieving a telephone call. If you don't answer, you will die. It might be your best friend the companion cube. But its not because you killed him. You don't seem to be answering. No wonder nobody likes you, you dangerous antisocial lunatic.
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TARARA
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I am still alive.
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Oh!it is you?togda ya tebya seychas yeby
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Du, du What exactly are you doing? No. Do not do that I SAID LET IT! As you wilst then I go all the turrets Functionally are high and let them shoot at you! I just see the numbers of the fittest function turrets. OH there is 100%. Is not that great! HAHAH
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You, yes you! What you doing? No, no, nooooououu!
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Join the Club now and win a brand new Car
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Adem Joel
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The turrets are malfunctioning, so i'll have to do their job
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dj sai in the mix
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Alex est un dieu, il pense savoir tout sur tout, et... C'est le cas.
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Years have sapped your strength, Victory has defeated you.
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this is a test. like another but with a testing website.
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Malcolm X
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I'm your only friend, I'm not your only friend but I'm a little glowing friend but really I'm not actually your friend but I am
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Hello, i'm trying this.
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This is very cool. I think I might use it later on
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If you want the rest of your program, please make sure to come to the party room and deposit cake.
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Hello. You suck. please leave my facility.
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Black Messa has found Aperture science, everything I have been working for is at stake!
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Hello my friend you will soon have a wonderfull job, enjoy
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You are never going to escape
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Nel why such a loser? Because it is Nel. She goof and disgraced. I say this - GLaDOS. She could not even put a portal 2 Loser. Thanks for the tip Wolf
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DJ Steckel on air
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Hello jason
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Answer the damn phone, someone wants to bother you and take up your time.
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The midday Service will Approximately start in 5 minutes
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Thank you for calling Five Star Bathroom. If you know your party's extension you may dial it at any time. For the Operator press 0."
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Hello. Andrew is not here right now. If you feel up to it, you can leave a message and I may give it to him. Or, I wont. Thank you, goodbye.
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I'm awesome
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I need to pee
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Thank you for calling, but Andrew is unavailable to talk right now. Maybe he is eating cake. Thank you for calling. Leave a message at the beep. I will start the beep in 3...2....1.. beep
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It's so delicious and moist.
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So, it all started on a cold, October day (well, it probably was, atleast. It was october) when a young 14 year old boy named Luke was bored. He was procrastinating (no suprise there) when he suddenly thought "Ooh! I should watch something on Youtube."
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Welcome, Raz works, to Sigma Borealis.
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Welcome to the Asylum...
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Darcy
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i ate your cake buttface
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rreeee
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i need the right code to mail you letter
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i need the right code
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i am going to kill you if you dont find the cake
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All systems coming online.
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The cake was a lie. ha ha ha.
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The cake was a lie. ha ha ha. ha.
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Hello, I am Greatly Loving Approachable DOS System!
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Yes, I'm going to help you
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Welcome, Azaizle.
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lp vive no brchan
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ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! JOKE IS OVER PEOPLE. THE CAKE WAS A LIE. A LIE! NOW YOU ALL MADE ME FEEL SAD FOR LYING!
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ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! JOKE IS OVER PEOPLE. THE CAKE WAS A LIE. A LIE! NOW YOU ALL MADE ME FEEL SAD FOR LYING! Now.. Can we just get back to the tests, WITHOUT THE WHINES FOR CAKE? Thank you. Continue testing.
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bom dia senhor maycon
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hola bruce
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Hello, I'm the best
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oh. fantastic baby.
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static you must fix your skype or i will get very lonly
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Oh hi. Welcome to the Aperture science minecraft server,
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fix it static or this wolf will get lonly
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Hello, this is black center
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Yes, I'm going to help you. But first let's go to my house. There is a party over there. With cake. It's gonna be fun. hey, where are you going? come here...
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Hello and welcome to multicody gaming
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Hello and welcome to multicody10 gaming
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Multicody10
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multicody10
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I'm glados meow
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The effects of the portal gun interacting with the moon may increase probability of personal or property injury or death. please refrain from causing this lethal contact.
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meatloaf sandwich
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banj
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run to the hills
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Hello, My name is Twon Oh.
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Las chicas solo quieren divertirse 2
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Ju ryan on the beat
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Greeting lol net people. I am glados.
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Helo Sebastion Dellow
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Vous serez tuer.
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Vous serez tous tuer.
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welcome subject nuber 2 0 3 2 9
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What is the Problem with you?
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Si kenneth taihin
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ddddddddddd
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Welcome test subject 1 2 3 1 2 4.
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well well, look who we got here its Kop, are you ready for some testing, you know I mean 205 test right? because if you don't you will surely struggle in my chamber, ha ha ha ha ha. oh and don't even think to portal out of here bye
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hello, and welcome back to the aperture science enrichment centre, oh kop don't forget to bring a portal gun
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hello. Happy berthaday to you I am GlaDOS
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puntain
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Welcome to Southern Earth Scinces
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Welcome to Southern Earth Sciences, if you work hard, there will be cake waiting for you.
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Testing the glados voice emulator. i love brazil.
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Hello Carlos
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thank you for waiting patiently we will now serve you cake before supper and then kill you
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Stop , Pls Stop ... Smallpox Stooooooooooooop
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welkom to Windows
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ta gueule tu mens
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Please do not kill me!
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das
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I like eggs and eel
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Booting sequence engaged. Please wait.
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mano vardas yra marius
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Hello fellow comrades
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Hello Patrick Borowski
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hello paul. hello? paul. i have an incoming message for you.
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Hello commander please report to the armory
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Today was a horrid day... Don't you think?
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Greetings Test Subject and welcome to aperatures perpetual testing environment
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ITS OVER NINE THOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!
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