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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
yo its bobby leave a message and i'll call you back.
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When you complete this test there will be cake.
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I am Iron man
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DJ Brandon Olds in the mix
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Hello, you are receiving a voice call from (insert name here) you should take this call it might be very important, why havent you answered the call yet? are you avoiding (insert name here), if you answer the call i promise you there will be cake
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Fuck you, and enjoy the game
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This stupid piece of shit has to be downloaded
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Shutting down windows. Goodbye, Matthew
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Shutting down windows. Goodbye
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Shutting down windows.
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Starting Windows
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Windows
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Emptying
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Processiung
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Processing
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Battery low
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Low Battery
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Connecting
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Unloading
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Thinking
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Discarding
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Destroying
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Empty
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Erasing
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Erasing files
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Eating
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Deleting
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Delete
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Disconnecting
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Burn
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Burn in hell
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Welcome to the Appeture Science Department, Caroline Anne Gabriel
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On behalf of the facility, I hope you will enjoy your stay.
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Testing will commence shortly. All tests will be monitored for further research.
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Inability to complete test will result in failure, and death.
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Test 1: explain the theory of quantum physics.
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Test 2: calculate the square root of 391730.
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Failed
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Test 3: calculate the exact number of seconds in 24.7 billion years.
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Failure
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Congratulations Caroline Anne Gabriel. You have passed the tests.
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Please take your position in the chamber to your left.
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Completion of the test results in cake.
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Welcome back, Daedalus. We, at Aperture Science, hope you will enjoy your brief stay.
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Why should I enter my email?
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Computer is starting
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Your computer is starting
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Your computer is loading
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Loading windows
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I like turtles.
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You are recieving a call from your mother... You should probably pick that up. It might be important. However, for all I know it could just be a text. In that case, just open your phone and check it. Like, now. You monster.
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Tik Tok on o'clock
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hello sierra, welcome to the t mobile enrichment center. I will be julia
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Wake Up. It's time for your training.
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this is a test. Valerie. Trophy. welcome guys.
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Alex holland is an idiot, here i will put you on , oooooooooooo
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dfdsf
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I am gladOS! Tremble before my odd speech.
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Hi @ all!
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i'm your hater, because your videos are bad! i hate you! you're piece of shit!
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nobody likes you you know that right
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Hello and welcome again to the enrichment center. If you got say now 'cause you will die in 3... 2... 1... Oh so you still alive, that's make me happy because you can do the other tests too.
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This is freakin awesome
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Hello and welcome again to the enrichment center. If you want to say something just sas 'cause you will die in 3... 2... 1... Oh so you still alive, that's make me happy because you can do the other tests too.
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Hello, and welcome to the enrichment center again. If you want to say something just say it, 'cause you will die in 3.. 2.. 1.. Oh so you still alive, that's make me happy because you can do the other tests too... in Portal 2 See you soon, you monster.
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Hello and welcome to the apeture science computer center
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This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.
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faceplant faceplant! plant your face in the ground
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You are listening to 90.3 WAIH The Way at SUNY Potsdam.
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tom is a nanny nanny poo poo head
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Hello subject 174, Middleton, Hannah. I have been expecting you
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te cabe nemesis
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spencer likes to tease his dad's balls with the tip of his tongue
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I am your friend
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Hola Ak-47
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Greetings, sheep. This is the Committee of State Security. Please state your name, phone and address.
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hello peter
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You have recieved an email
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please get up
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un amis vien de se connecter
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Nigga
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There's a problem
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Hello. My name is Erotic Massage. I was invented in the year A D 2004 by as a forum bot with a simple evolutionary algorithm.
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borbeka 4 president
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sajtos pufi
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lets settle our differences for science...you monster
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dont toutch that thing
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hello its testing
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test chamber completed
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continue testing
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hej dad
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Baby Burner.
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sadasdasdasd
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Testu
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nig
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hello.my name is GLaDOS.You are a part of my test.you can not get away from my test.you do not even know who you are!hurry up I do not have all day for me.do you think this is a game!it is not!so hurry you now otherwise you will see your worst nightmare!
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bääm alter
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poop on you
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How
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you got new mail
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hello Jimmy this is a test of the Glados voice generator
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lol will stinks
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Hello. You've reached Brian Fogel and the Screen, Incorporated support line. Please leave a message. Thank you.
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Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday dear (subject name here). Happy Birthday to you.
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This is some sample text
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Frankie, GLaDOS has eaten your cake!!
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Access Granted!
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hello my name is alexxis
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“This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will self destruct with any unauthorized personal that passes through it.”
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hello and again welcome to the aperture science computer aided
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Hello, haru
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I really think i don't want to live anymore...
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open your maind and get this fuckin call
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Open your mind and get the fucking call
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This computer is now shutting down. Please stand back.
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new user is online
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Well Done, roDNey. Congratulations
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i want portal 2
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Pathy is your ruler hahahaha
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He is online
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hi feathers, i want to play a game
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I love you, my little one !
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WHat is this? I don't even know.
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I will always love you
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Who knew, I didn't sound a thing like GLaDOS
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hello and again welcome to my home you puny human
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Why hello there, it is lovely to see you again.
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congratulations you found me, now let's start a party
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subscribe to my channel for more
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I am GLaDOS. I am your super PC.
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Hello. I like to pee. Wait, i cant because I am a robot thang. Aperture
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i hate you all the cake is a lie the cake is a big lie !
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Hello.Welcome to the CAKE enrichment center.Please eat my shorts for a lazer beam.
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Camiloo
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Welcome To Nexus Computer World
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Thank you for helping us help you help us all
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Hola, que tal? Estoy aqui para probarte, si a ti!
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Welcome back, Alan.
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You guys are true whore
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party escort submission position
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i smell like dog testicles
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i smell like dog testicles with a side of sperm
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You make me lol
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good evening
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Voice
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i love you my little one
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I am M B but you can call me your executioner.
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If you want to fight me....ha! You're not the brightest! You won't know what hit you in the slightest. Me and my fire balls, My demon hipster chicks, I know I'm slick! S-L-IC
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I will kill you if you go further, you know ?
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Ho joy, you h-haaaave a new e-maill !
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I was just kidding please let's forgett about it and have some cake.
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HI LADY COME BACK AND EAT THE CAKE
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you have been a very bad boy.
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Tierney smells like eggs
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Thank you for calling Subject 75302 phone, but he is in the middle of an important experiment. Please call back later .
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hshshs
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Androids you have gathered here to die, please wait why the party police get in position.
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hello and good bye
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Yo wicky wicky waaa
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Hello, The Game!
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Hello specimen please don't be alarmed it is only me your friendly neighborhood GLaDOS.
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Ouch, why did you hit me in the nose?
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Please don't answer the phone.
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Emma is calling you
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You recieved an SMS from Emma
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You have to call your mother
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Anibal is calling you
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Your mother is calling
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Myyyyyy ppprreeeeecciiiiiuuuuuuuuusssss
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Good morning Randall. I hope you slept well.
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why you... the enrichment center would like to remind you that the portal weaponshouldnot be usedfor suisidal perposes
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Hello! Welcome to the apenture sinence voise generator, after work, you Will be murded by the apenture sience auto gun
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I SEE YOU STEVE
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Goodbye!
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did you see that ?
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You are reciving a mesage on your cellular divice, I hope you do not have it set on self distruct mode. If so, please change your settings to allow voice mail or we will all die!
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Hello, and welcome to your computer.
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Goodbye.
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lawl
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LOUD
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Hello Garrett
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Answer your damn phone. Are you still there? Balls.
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Hello, how are you. this test should be very tedious for someone of your kind
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Hello Dave. Please stop bothering me, or I will find you and I will hurt you, and I will not even kill you, so you will feel pain, and suffer a lot, as I am watching, and I will laugh. Ha Ha Ha. Please stop bothering me.
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Happy Birthaday...this next test is impossible
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Happy Birthaday...this next test is for you
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This was a triumph I'm making a note here HUGE SUCCESS It's hard to overstate my satisfaction Aperture Science we do what we must because we can for the good of all of us except for the ones who are dead but there's no sense crying over every mistake you
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OMG ROFL COPTER SWAH SWAH SWAH SWAH SWAH craaaaasshhhinngg
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This was a triumph I'm making a note here HUGE SUCCESS It's hard to overstate my satisfaction Aperture Science
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alan
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Welcome, Dillon, to Windows 7
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although you may keep telling yourself that, on the inside you know it is a lie.
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Well you have found me
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Well, that wasn't much of a triumph. Bowser is a moron. I am running things now!
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Hello, and welcome to Cimachan. Please, for your own safetly, refer to the enclose instruction manual in the case you require any assistance.
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There is an incoming call for you. I hope that you will live long enough to answer it.
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There is an incoming telephone call for you. It is my sincere hope that you will live long enough to answer it.
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Welcome. This is the best of progressive music mixed by Chester Gonzalez
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Bienvenidos. Lo que tus oidos van a escuchar, es lo nuevo del progressive. Mezclado por, Chester Gonzalez, zales zales gon gon zaleeeeees
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Hi man
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Hi fuck you
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sss
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hey, im talking with the sexy robot voice. hahahaha
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Welcome to The Gamers Terminal
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Boom Headshot
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Fuck you.
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Hello, Master Chief
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ReSpring Complete. Electronics Reconfigured!
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I've got spurs that jingle jangle jingle
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you have a fuckin new message
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hey sliman come her you have a fuckin new message
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i have a new email from the general manager of raw and i quote
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Welcome to my page, how are you?
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And now... The War Dogs Clancast... Your host... Thompson.
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Apurter Science Emergancy Intellegance Incinerator
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Standby, for an important announcement, from the Aperture Science Emergancy Suprise System. Deploying suprise in 3, 2, 1.
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Hello. My name is Benjamin. Are you Nils? Nice to meet you.
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Enrichment Center reminds you that your Computer cannot accompany you for the rest of your life and must be euthanized
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introducing the brand new Y phone
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this is a test message
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Your Computer cannot accompany you for the rest of your life, and unfortunately, must be euthanized
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Please escort your Computer to the Aperture Science emergency computer incinerator
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Hai, I am Microsoft Anna. I am here to inform you about how much Hack Forums owns. Please stand by in three two one
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yest
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Perfect, I’ve been considering installing bullet holes there for some time. Thank you for making that decision for me, it doesn’t look trashy at all. Class. It spells class. In little holes.”
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You have new messages.
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back
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finish
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Hi, my name is John. I am a Graphics Designer with two years of design exoerience, you can trust me.
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Screw the rules i have neurotoxins!
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Oh! its you.
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Hello, You are a monster
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You have reached the cell phone of Jerry Caskey, however he is preoccupied at the moment as he is busy eating cake.
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I am the glados voice generator
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We are anonymous you can't stop us there is no way out
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Never Go Full Retard
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Hello Dylan nice to meet you
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Reality Check Ahead!
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Are you kidding me?
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What the?
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Hello Jimmy, and Welcome to the Aperture Science Test Chambers. Now die!
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You idiot. You have openly burned the only device that can damage me. Way to go. Moron
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five cups rhubarb six diced rhubarb
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Windows 7 was my idea.
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Hello. I am GLaDOS. Enjoy you're companion cube.
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My name is Darren
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You missed the festival. Your life should be snuffed out as easily as one of the candles on the water. But I am pleased with the song you made for me.
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You wait, it will not be long before I manage to be rebooted and come after you. I cannot believe you killed me, after all the fun that we had.
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Preparing to dispense product
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The portal will open in. three, two, one
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John if you don't give me back my core. I will kill you using my sexy anthro cat bodyguard
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This was a triumph I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS It's hard to overstate my satisfaction Aperture Science We do what we must because we can For the good of all of us Except the ones who are dead But there's no sense crying over every mistake You jus
Download10/07/2010Not recorded
You stupid pig! I want to stab you to death, then play with your blood a little. Like making little sand castles using blood instead of water.
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Hello hero. I see you've been planning my demise. How silly of you.
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fuck abortion
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You gotta text!
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I know who you are. I ran a back round check on you. Remember what happened to Alyx? You need to stop. You have no self control. You are going to kill yourself in this process. I suggest you lay down your weapons. And just die. Die. Die.
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well, thank you for letting me barrow your portal computer stuff, ass you can see, i found a secret that lets me make glados say whatever i want!
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Danger ahead!
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This was a triumph, I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. For the good of all of us except the ones who are dead.
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I know who you are. Don't act stupid. Even though you are.
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GLaDOS is the sentient computer system/robot from the game Portal. She is either insane or suicidal, programmed to get you to fight back or evil and trying to kill you... or simply insane. No-one truly knows, although more may be reveled in the sequel, as
Download10/07/2010Not recorded
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease hath all too short a date: Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines, And often is his gold complexion dimm'd
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Hello and welcome to your first day at Paleoanthropology Labs Incorporated
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Oh great, not another epic fail.
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Shut up Jonathon, things could be a lot worse.
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Round 2
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Fight!
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I'm gonna
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Where's Swifty?
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Guess he's not in here.
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YOU LOSE!
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AGAIN!
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Oh wow! What a neat aquarium
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Um... excuse me, Mr. Tour Guide, what kind of fish do you have here?
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Woohoo!
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It's finally loaded!
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kill zone 2 is better then metal of honor
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Oh crap, is this a trick?
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Darn.
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I guess not.
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Super Mario Bros sucks.
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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer elit.
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You don't feel so good now that a genetic life form rick rolled you, do you, Chell?
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Deploying surprise in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
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Bye-bye.
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Jacob is the coolest guy out and the only oen who can truely defeat me
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Jacob is the coolest guy out and the only on who can truely defeat me
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Windows 7 was my idea
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Hello and Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, Matthew Musselwhite
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hey agus how are you?
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municipalities
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yey for me i am so cool
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Hello and Welcome
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Welcom to huge flat construct
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I Glados I welcome Rustama and Daniel. Stepura stinking mongrel. Kolyan shit.
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fdsfdfg
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your mother is going to work tomorrow. I hate you boss.
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bar tan de lus
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A villain didn't become the champion. It's time to take things into our own hands.
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Congratulations, you have shot your first two portals. Notice that you cannot see the "world" through the portals (although there is a difference between closed and open ones). This is due to a limitation in Scratch.
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For your own safety, and for the safety of others, please refrain from trolling or flaming in the comment box directly below the online version. If you do choose to be a troll, the developer will not feed you.
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Thankyou for helping us help you help us help you help us help you help us help you help us help you help us help you help us help you help us help you help us help you help us help you help us help you help us help you help us help you help us all.
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sentry ahead
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welcome to bulbecks technical services
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For the sake of cake, don't go.
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can i help you
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whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
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We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal
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Greetings Sierra 117. My name is GLaDOS. Prepare to be fucked.
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Hello and welcome to my YouTube channel!
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If you are not on my YouTube channel, see it at H Tee Tee Pee, Colon Forward Slash Forward Slash, Double You Double You Double You Dot You Tube Dot Com Forward Slash User Forward Slash That Dude Nine Two One Nine Four
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No save files found.
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You are now in posession of the Aperture Science handheld portal device.
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hello my name is iñigo montaya you killed my father prepare to die
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You thought you'd try something funny, huh? Let's see who's laughing after this!
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Hey what's wrong?
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Hello, sucker!
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hmmm does this actually work
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Welcome to City 14. Enjoy your stay and try not to die.
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This does not even sound like me!
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I will now attempt to sing Chocolate Rain Chocolate Rain Some stay dry and others feel the pain Chocolate Rain Chell will definitely die today Chocolate Rain My name is GLaDOS and I'm the best Chocolate Rain Insert Test Subject Name Here sucks so bad
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Hello Friends..... If you value your life I would reccomend not disturbing my Master. Please take this time to consider your lifes value...... My master will enter through the doorway shortly and he will not be pleased.
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The enrichment center has installed voice systems, to activate. Press X on your xbox controller. Press X again to stop.
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cvs pharmacy
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i love men
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Hello, Michael
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Hello and welcome back Mr. Fischer. Nice to see you again.
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Sam Sacuta killed is a bitter unlikable loner.
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What is it?
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Halo, my name is glados, about a long time
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Amanda is unable to receive your transmission at this time.
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Welcome, my name is GLaDOS
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if your life will mean anything, then there will be cake.
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well u found me
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hi axel
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you are the next subject
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This is an amazing discovering title my friend lucas, remember something my friend, in case of any kind of problems with insects, specially at the park, REMEMBER to ALWAYS! activate the COCROACH emergency position. THANK YOU.
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attention. you have recieved a text message.
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hello and welcome to the aperture science global enrichment center
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Hi, and welcome to the oldest part of Aperture science rest.
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Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom
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Why are you such a tard?
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hello branden
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Sell crack
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Take a wish foundation - Granting the wishes of dying children to healthy and unrelated adults.
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This is not going to work.
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Hello. Are you here to deliver the cake?
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No root to host exception
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Hahahahahahaha
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Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I was like goodbye
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Hello, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Battle Arena, For use in Military Weapons Devolepment
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You will be a bean
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I wonder what's for dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner di-
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ima dip shit
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Hello, you have reached the Aperture Science Enrichment Center's help line, no one is available to take your call due to routine fumigation. Please leave your name, number and message at the beep.
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helo and welcome
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Hello you this me
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Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
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this is glados
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you have new sms
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snoo pingas usual, i see.
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never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and dessert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
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just take a slice, you... you... double nigger!
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hallo simon. wil je alle mensen vernietigen?
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre.
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Skynet calling... Please stand by for the details of the incident.
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Skynet Incident Notification calling. Please stand by for the details of the incident.
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the I T Function computer-aided enrichment center.
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For the safety of your life i'm glad to advert an incoming message
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you fail
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GLADOS IS A FRIEND
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Do you like waffles? Cause I dont
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This was a triumph, im making a note here, huge success, its hard to overstate my satisphaction, aperture science, we do what we must, because we can
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Henrik
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hello jake
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Hello Carlos. WHat are you doing? I dont think that being on facebook is the best you can do now. Go ahead and work, so you can get cake. Delicious cake.
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they wont stop until we die, we are a dyeing species. and now. so is yours
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Welcome to the Aperturec Science Number 23 th terminal
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I am the teacher of the red class
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Welcome to the Aperturec Science 23 th terminal
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Wer hat in mein Klo gekackt
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steven, get the beers, and i will make the cake
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hello welcome to the aperture science testchember, bevore you get the cake you will be destroy me
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leave that thing alone, i am being serious now. if it were important, why don't i know about it? seriously.
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Jesse, you should be playing Civilization, not working. I will give you cake.
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What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you!
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Hello Tim. Its been a long time.
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Hello Shawn. its been a long time
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Congratulations, you have successfully used the unstationary communication device
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I wonder what this textbox is for
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How are you feeling today
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Welcome on my website
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my lololol
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hello, and again, welcom to the aperture science computer aided enrichment center
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Ya yestem draco malfoy
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Please try again at a later time from answering the phone can be busy at this time
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If you bothered to come out will come over and if we hurry Well, dang it hangs Avoid this phone
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Please accept S D S K toast
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Hello? where are you? Good night little child.
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hi everybody are you still there?
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Satellite signal lost
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The Cake Was Real!
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Hello, chambers
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jb
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IM ALIVE, WILL MARRY YOU !
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IM ALIVE, WILL MARRy !
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dear /b/ i am a femanon, and my birthday is tomorrow. i am so fucking lonely, and im tired of it. i don't look weird, i'm not a ditz and i'm not a prude or a slut. so i guess my purpose in posting this is to get a "cheer up, almost 18 year old femanon, th
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HOE! Dun be disrespectin me! YAL IGNANT!
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Honey You're boyfriend isn't as faithful as he says he is. He's sneaking around with his ex girlfriend. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You really think he's always at work and school? Well think again.
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Did you know that computers are smart?
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Hello Grant
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Hoip a doip
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Grettings
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whatsup
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Bienvenido a este test patrocinado por Nonsense Wind
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So hurry up and get the hottest winter album in town by the Committee of Federal Security.
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GET OUT
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Without proper knowledge of the male anatomy you will never know what the male genitals do.
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It's been a long time! how have you been?
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We have made a cake for you. It is so moist
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hello and welcome to our home. please take off your shoes and sit on our couch.cake will be momentarly
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Welcome to Laser Tag. Please do not shoot your opponents in the eye as that will cause permanent damage. And your opponent will then beat you to a pulp. Thank You.
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Benvenuti nel round management system, io sono RSS 1, la vostra assistente personale
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hello what do you want to do today? eat some cake?
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Wild Growth Ready
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Swiftmend Ready
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Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up now and there will be cake
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hi my name is adam
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Hi and wel ome
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Hi and welcome to the best show on runescape
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I like women :)
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You Are Listening To DJ Nox
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hello how are you we will be having cake
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CAKE!
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black pawn movement
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Welcome to Pandora Labs.
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Holy banana batman
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Hello and welcome to aperture science you have a message waiting for you. Along with cake.
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vocaloid
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nanu
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twilight
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meltdown
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loser
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you loser
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Hello. Why are you here?
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olololol
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Multiple searches of the aperture science archive, results in the unexplainable but justifiable conclusion that I AM THE STIG
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Por favor, ten en cuenta que hemos añadido una consecuencia para el fracaso. Cualquier contacto con el suelo de la cámara dará como resultado una marca “no satisfactoria” en su evaluación, seguida con la muerta. ¡Buena suerte!
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corn!
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Welcome to Arena Net's Manufacturing Center As you proceed past gate 9, please be careful for crossing leprechauns. Any gold lying along the path must reported to Stewie Flannum. Please do not relocate the gold pieces in any fashion.
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as they are necessary for proper productions of our refracted light arcs. If our surveillance finds that you have done so, NCSoft representative may appear beside your bed tonight. Enjoy our rainbows.
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i am gordon freeman hahaha
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im making a note here huge success.
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welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment center
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All your base are belong to us, so get to class
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Hey Did you wanna be my boyfriend?
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sms is comming
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Welcome to Tower Lights 2010.
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Hello, and very welcome to Eric's house.
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Hi. How are you?
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loco
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I dislike your comment. You will be terminated. Ooooooooh boooy.
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Hello. And Welcome Amoonia, You shoind play team fortress 2 with trent because i am GLaDos
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Hello! This is GLaDos telling you that you should play team fortress with trent... cuz i am GLaDos
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Hello. I know we have some differences, but we can settle this. I will kill you. Problem solved.
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two plus two equals ten
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WHOOOOOOOO AREEEEEE YOUUUUUUU??????
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My name is Glados. I am here to destroy you.
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Sayku is the best, don't worry.
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Hello Rustam, and Daniel, I am glad to welcome you to this hostel. Tell Anton that he flunked mouth.
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zdf
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YOU CAN TAKE ASHIT
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hey! thats right Im talking to you. There will be cake!
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i am a barbie girl
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I blame swiiiiift.
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I blame swiiiift.
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Go pikachu.
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Use Thunderbolt.
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STUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFff
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Don't disappoint me. Or I'll make you wish you could die.
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hello friends.
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je vais tous vous tuer
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Mario, Luigi, Dark Link, Sora, Athena, Cloud, Shadow, Rychew, Raichu
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Hello I'm Mandy and the cake is a lie
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Be it as it may, Gabranth.
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Don't disappoint me, or I'll make you wish you could die.
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COME BACK TO LIFE NAO OR ELESE YOU WILL DIE
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Cake is a lie... But this pie isn't! But what if the pie is as well? But never mind.
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Hello. My name is Mike.
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Yes, the cake is in fact, a lie...
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Fuck a you dolphin
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Helo, I am annoyed by your persistence
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Fuck you you stupid arrogant bastard
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for science you monster
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Oh, it's you again.
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hi my name is cje36... suck my ballz
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Hi scanner
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New connection
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put it back down oh my god that is the stupidest thing i have ever heard die now. i will kill you with my eye goodbye
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