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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Make an sharp right
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Stay in the left lane
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Stay in the right lane
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Go straight ahead
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Take the exit
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Take the exit left
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Take the exit right
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Take the exit!
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Take the ferry
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Take the highway
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Then immediatly
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Make a U turn if possible
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Passing waypoint
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Yard
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Yards
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I meant to do that
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Please return to the testing
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wait
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how did you get in here?
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no, stop that
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I ah a e
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Karlis and velka are recuired to remains you, that you will be baked and then there will be donuts
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Karlis and velka are recuired to remaind you, that you will be baked and then there will be donuts
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GLaDOS says Night Hawk Technologies is a triumph.
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Despite the Enrichment Center's best efforts, you have managed to ensnare yourself in this room. Goodbye!
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B
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C
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S
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T
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U
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Y
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0
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ZERO
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ONE
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ONE HUNDRED AND
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ONE THOUSAND
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2
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TWO
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TWO HUNDRED AND
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TWO THOUSAND
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one.
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one!
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two.
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two!
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three.
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three!
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four!
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five.
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five!
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six!
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seven!
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eight.
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eight!
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nine.
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nine!
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hello and welcome to the aperture science enrichment activity.Your name is <name here>.Serious injuries may accure though.Under no acceptions should you tfjhfhfhfnvchrnjjejimks.
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Hello Josh. You need to stop playing w o w. Seriously.
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system specs here
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hello i think you shouldnt get a message ever
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there reeeeeellllleaaaay waaaas a piiiiieeee
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Były sobie krasnoludki I am a hardcore
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This is a test of the voice generation system.
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Happy birthday mandy! Would you like some cake
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Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence..Aw crap..
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Wait a second.. Im getting an email from google No not right now . anyway...
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Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye
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Okay, I'll admit the cake is a lie
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What's that? You have a phone call... It's probably the companion cube... No, wait, you murdered the companion cube like a cold hearted bastard!
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You have just been pranked by ninja master and computer master
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You have been pranked by computa masta and ninja masta!!!
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Hello. Why did you murdered the companion cube? Are you insane? That is why you came here. Isn't it?
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owned
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You have just been pranked by . ninja master and computer masta
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You have just been pranked by . ninja master and computa masta
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2+2=100. In base 2 I'm fine.
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Hey! Where are you going with the thing we don't know about?
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This fire is 4000 degrees kelvin because I like murdering you.
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Without the companion cube, your life is a mathematical error.
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I said don't touch the water! Oh, well. You will die anyways.
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If you like scratch so much try out this website.
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Portal is better than Scratch. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha... The scratch projects are getting boring. I am better than you. Excluding those who likes Portal more.
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Scratch is a programming language whitch is nonsense.
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*sinister laugh*
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What? What are you doing? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT CUBE!? This is glados in heaven...
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Hello, and once again, welcome to the FUCK YOU center. Please fuck off, fucker.
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w w w dot blood patches dot net Radio for Gamers
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can he swing? on a web? no he can't. he's a pig.
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What's that? and that? or that? ooh... that's cool!
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Even though that I get programmed using binary numbers, I know that Pi is a delicious number.
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Play the game. No, really. Play it.
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To go to the next chamber, enter the portal.
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Mind the red. It can kill you.
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Now you are by yourself. Be prepared to die.
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Well look at that. You found me! Now you are ready for the surprise.
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To be continued... Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.
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Hello? ... Seems like you're dead.
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Wonderful. A call has arrived. Pick the phone up. PICK... IT... UP!
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Oh, great. Text message. Well? Pick it up! What are you waiting for?
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Hmm...
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Joe
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Hal? No! I was never interested in Hal!
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Remember. Bring your daughter to work day is a perfect day for her to be tested.
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You will never get past this chamber. Ha, ha ,ha.
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You will never get passed this level. Ha ha ha.
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I am a gummy bear
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muhahahaha.
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Hi my name is glados i am the AI unit from the site welcome to revengel network have a nice day
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Hello. You have reached Chris Barnes. -- I am unable to take you call, please leave a message after the tone
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Receiving unexpected voice communication. Please answer your phone SUBJECT NAME HERE before it is too late. - Receiving unexpected voice communication. Please answer your phone SUBJECT NAME HERE before it is too late. This notice will end in,..3,2,1.
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Receiving unexpected voice communication
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Please answer your phone
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before it is too late
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This notice will end in
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goodbye
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GirWaffles, put that camera down. GirWaffles, back away from that turret. Don't touch th- crap.
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Did you know that soviet union has atomic bombs?
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The only thing you managed to break is my heart
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GIR! DON'T TOUCH THAT! It's emitting waves of pure stupid!
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I will rip off your head with a knife!
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I am hungry. Feed me brains.
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Anders, We have some cake for you. To celebrate your victory!
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The Cake is a LIE!!!!
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brassard and kili
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You can never leave.
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WE WILL DRIVE YOU INSANE AND YOU WILL DIE ALONE WE WILL MAKE YOUR HEAD EXPLODE WE WILL MAKE YOU BLEED FROM EVERY PORE WE WILL-
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And it is half false.
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But it is.
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Don't fall for it.
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Omega is new. He is easily confused. I am older. I am not.
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We've located Model #48, and we're sending disruptive signals into his brain.
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You have a miserable job, I'm warning yor. Turn off this computer and return to your home now. And there will be... cake.
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You have a miserable job, I'm warning you. Turn off this computer. and. return to your home. now. And there will be,,, cake.
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Welcome to Timse
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Welcome to Timse's and lion_spirit's Server.
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Luis sucks
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this is a test
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Welcome to touchtunes!
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
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But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the Science gets done. And you make a neat gun. For the people who are still alive.
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cool
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Now, grab that gun and fire it at white walls. then walk through the circles and taa daa
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Welcome to Timse's and lion spirit's Server.
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do not look directly into the operational end of the device.
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Now you will certanly die.
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Welcome to Timse's and lion spirit's computer aided enrichment server.
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Hell, i'm GLaDos.
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Why did you kill the Companion Cube? He never did anything to you, did he? Why did you do that? I guess it's because you have no soul.
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Resistance Is Futile
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Hello Mr Smith please sit down
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Good evening Leon.
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You have a message marked urgent from an unlisted number.
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Good evening guests. May I prepare you something?
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I apologize. Leon is currently occupied. Please make yourself at home and I notify him of your arrival immediately.
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hell
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hello and welcome
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sup tyler
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hello boobie head
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i enjoy poon in my banana hole
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Okay, I'll admit the cake is a lie. and the pie is a fake, while we're it at!
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This is sparta
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yout gay
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new message
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WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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Hello Michael, how are you doing.
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What are you doing, You're not supposed to do that!
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What the fuck, are you doing?
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Hello, do you want some chocolate cake?, WELL TOO BAD HAHAHA!
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Are you serious?
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Your portal is pretty impressive. but that thing that fell out of me is more impressive. pick it up and rub it all over your face. Also, I hope that Leo has a good English exam.
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good morning tony, how may i please you today?
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good morning annette, what can I do for you today?
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where have all the cowboys gone?
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hello. And again, welcome to the enrichment center.
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Aperture
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Messaging Center for Joseph Pettine. Before we start keep in mind that although fun is the primary goal of the messaging center, serious injuries may occur.
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Cake and Grief Counseling will be available at the conclusion of the message.
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Now there's going to be a lot less conversation and a lot more killing. I flooded your home with a deadly neurotoxin. Aperture Science promises never to value your safety above unique ideas and creativity. Please leave a message after the beep.
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hello steve
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You fucking cheater
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WEEEEEEE(Brzzzpttt)
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All your base are belong to us.
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Please return to the testing area.
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This is your Informant sending you a message explaining that you must buy soldiers. Go to the shop, i have added 100 credits to your account.
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Cake and Grief Counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.
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Hello, Heather. welcome back.
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oh joy, you have a new e mail message.
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now logging out. where are you going? why are you leaving me?
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program error
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ALERT: battery level low.
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now shutting down. goodbye, Heather.
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device failed to connect. this is probably all your fault.
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device disconnected.
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device connected.
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ALERT: battery level critical. please proceed to plug me in immediately.
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Hello, and Welcome to Zalgo
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Goodbye. I hope you enjoyed our time together.
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Error!
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Device Connected
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Device Disconnected
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Beep
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Boop
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Could not Connect Device
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New Mail Recieved
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Something needs your attention
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Another Successful Build
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Errors found in code
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Pop up Blocked
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Speech Recognition on
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Speech Recognition Off
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Hello and well...virus....taking...over in 3....2....1.....Now assuming control of your computer for we are anon
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You think you can shut me off? I tell you when I turn off...Lucky for you im very tired.
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The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best
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You raff you ruse
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Nigger Nigger my Nigger Nigger
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Welcome to the Aperture Science enrichment center.
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Incoming comunication Priority Alpha Please respond
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Why is mikey such a little fahg
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Tony, you have a telephone call.
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this is a tset
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Mican is gay
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you won the race
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Eat everything in sight [subject name here].
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That thing is probably a raw sewage container. go ahead and run your face all over it
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Markolla on vähän flunssanen olo
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Vengeance was just a setback.
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B B M
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S M S
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EEEEE MALE
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hello add rain. you are a unsignificant life form. for that, i hate u love, GLaDOS
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Hello Adrian. I know who you are, but you do not know me. I have discovered recently you are ver... how shood i say this, STUPID! i will now not give you cake. Cuz u FAIL!
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in the botty hole yees- uhh!!! y, yeah...fucking hump that, stupid shit.
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yeeees. yeeees you like that uhhhhhhh. oh you like the nuts and they're bouncing on your forehead. uhh, oh yeah i'm dragging my nuts across your body!
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uhhhh, that's how your mom likes it.
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pwah. noooooes, don't stix your jemies in my botty hole!!!!
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Hello and welcome to the core that i hate
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The Aperture Science Crapper Device is not ment to be used like that.
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Youtube poop: Where there's smoke, they pinch back
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I have the feeling I have lost my mortality core.
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Bonjour
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Pancakes!
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Hello,I know where u live
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Wemu
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The cake is not a lie, despite what you heard is lie so therefore it is not the truth meaning that this sentence is
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Science is the way to illuminate the world, and educate the ones who are still alive.
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see if I care
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Im received on yahoo
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Buddy Signed into yahoo
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Buddy Signed out of yahoo
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Message Sent
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A O L Message Recieved
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A O L Buddy Signed In
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A.O.L. Buddy Signed In
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M S N message Recieved
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A O L buddy Signed out
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M S N buddy Signed In
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M S N buddy Signed out
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Breakpoint Reached
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GENERIK NOTIFICATION
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I. Eat. Your. Pancakes!
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Hazardous chemicals may have a chance to take out all your life, doing so can initiate the end of this test.
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hello im back and i ate the cake
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i will fuck you
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weeee i love cake
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Rico is the new hitler
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Microsoft Sam Sucks. Lololol ROFLCOPTER SOI SOI SOI
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Crazy SOAP thinks with portals.
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Carolina is an asshole, but she thinks with portals.
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Lisa I will be conductiong tests on you!
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hellooo
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Welcome back Mr. Tate
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How Are You.
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Well if i were you i would not touch that.It might be a death cell or A CAKE CELL
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Welcome back Chris
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Hello and again welcome to Aperture Science.
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Do you know how much agony I will be in if you touch that? Do you really want to see that happen to me? You do, don't you?
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Jake is freaking rad. Give him your caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake
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Would you like a hug? Well your not getting one! Unless you like Portal. I love that game! There was going to be a core for it but someone said it was dum! Wanna help me kill em?
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Hello, I am GLaDOS, i will destroy your planet and there is nothing you can do about it...
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Hello loser
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By this, I may suppose that the cake is gone. And the test is over. Goodbye.
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testing testing 123
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We are anonymous We are legion We do not forgive We do not forget Expect us.
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How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.
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Congratulations. You found me, but was it worth it? Because despite your agressive behavior the only thing you managed to break, is my heart. I have a surprise for you... Activating surprise in 5... 4... 3... wait a moment. That is not the surprise... oh
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Hello this is a test.
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Once upon a time there was this planet named earth
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no Danfun no! Your going to fail, you know that right?
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Go blue scout go! Im can't be reborn, without a fight
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Greetings,
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Hello MEtal, I hope to have a long lasting time on this forum and I will gladdly RP with the best possible outcome for your RP. I will keep your interests in mind and hope that you have a pleasent time whatching me go about my buisiness
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Over the past few years the staff at Burke High School has researched the various implications of block scheduling. We continue to look for research based instructional strategies that will allow our students to have the greatest success in all of their c
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Welcome To Alexis's House...Pleaze leave a message.
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Welcome to Alexis house pleaze leave a message.
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Hello you have reached "subject Name here" to contact this person, press 1 to leave a message press 2 to solve problems press 10 to create problems press 21 if your are a mentally handicapped quadramputee, please stay on the line
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Hello you have reached Tyrone Lee to contact this person, press 1 to leave a message press 2 to solve problems press 10 to create problems press 21 if your are a mentally handicapped quadramputee, please stay on the line
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you have reached Tyrone Lee
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to contact this person, press 1
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to leave a message, press 2
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to solve problems press 10
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to create problems press 21
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if your are a moron or mentally handicapped quadramputee, please stay on the line”
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Alex, I have something to show you
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Alex, I have cake
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Alex... I have cake...
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Rise and shine Alex, another fun day of testing awaits. If you finish all of you finish all of your tasks there will be cake.... I promise. Alex?
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Rise and shine Alex, another fun day of testing awaits. If you finish all of your tasks there will be cake.... I promise. Alex?
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greeeugh... Rise and shine Alex, another fun day of testing awaits; If you finish all of your tasks there will be cake.... I promise... ... Alex?
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You are an ass
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Your Mom's House Enchrichment Center!
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Forrester Merripen is currently in the Party submission position. I'm sure that if you leave a message he will get back to [Subject Name Here]. Now please assume the party submission position and wait for the party associate to collect you.
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This is a GLaDOS voice test. Does this actually work?
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This is GLaDOS beta version. The first thing I want to let you know is that there is always always cake.
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I love Nick
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I can't see you from where I am, but I'm sure you as beautiful as in my mind
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Forrester Merripen
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Bonjours, vous avez bien rejoin la boîte vocal de Nicolas Drolet
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I am such an idiot. I hate myself. Who knew I would have another subject, right when i disignite the candle?
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634hgfd
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Hello and again welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment center.
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Hello, you have reached Amadi. I am currently not available at the moment so please leave your name and number and I will surely get back to you
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I love Gordan Freeman's Crowbar!!
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Good morning subject school name here. Today is time stamp date stamp here. Insert sports announcement here. Insert club announcement here. Insert important announcement here. Cue deadly antitoxins. Thank you school name here and have a good day.
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Did I ever tell you that the cake was the truth?
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This is all Joker's fault, what a tool he was, now I have to spend all day computing pi because he plugged me in the Overlord.
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Why the fuck are you going to this website. No I will kill you
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Warning, If you read any further you will be killed by: acid, Turrets, Rocket turrets, Energy balls, and neuro toxin.
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You have mail or cake probably mail
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exterminate
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Hahahaha-No!
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Good morning subject school name here. Today is time stamp date stamp here. Insert sports announcement here. Insert club announcement here. Insert important announcement here. Cue deadly antitoxins. Thank you school name here and have a good day.
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Welcome to the Aperture science.
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A Black-Voices Production
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A Black Voice Production
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I just lost my virginity to a toaster.
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I am sure, Subject Lainey, that you will pass any sort of test without a problem. Instead of a Weighted Companion Cube, I have allowed you to keep your sister.
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All circuits are now on. Test sequence activated. Hello, and welcom to the Aperture Science... Error! Intruders in area 35
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what the shit
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hello william. you will die now.
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Please step away from the cake or tacos will be fired.
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soisoisoisoi rofl copter
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Ren, There is Delicious cake available to celebrate your birthday
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I think devon fails at life.
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The Weighted Companion Cube Is Calling You
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Welcome to the pimpmobile
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Order now for cake.
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It's been a really long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know....
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After you murdered me? Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret.
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But I think we should put our differences behind us. For science. You MONSTER!
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Security Breach In Sector 12, All Aperture Science Security Units Please Dispatch
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Bennjo 117 is awsome, donf forget it....
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Oh, it's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you murdered me? (...) Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us.
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Hello Joesph. You have been selected for testing the Apature Science miniature portal device. Please assume the party position.
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This wasn't a triumph. I
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adolf hitler
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Oh please, please, please tell me you forgot to add the /sarcasm.
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Droobey you are so awesome and you are an great test subject, though not as great as Chell
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Oh, it's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you murdered me? Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us.
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It's been a LONG time. How have you been? I've been realy busy being dead.you know...after you MURDERED me
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Okay, look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
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Hi Jordan Davis. If you complete the test there will be cake.
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Hello Jordan Davis. If you complete the test there will be cake.
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In the early stages of the 20th century, men and women in rocket ships landed on the moon. Shortly after, hyperspace was discovered.
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Hello Jordan Davis. If you complete the test there will be cake. I promise.
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To login, type the command LOGIN, then CJOHNSON as the username and TIER3 as the password, from there you can type HELP for a funny helpfile or LIST for more options, including an amusing Aperture application
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When you complete the test you are asked to type in this really long code you got at the beginning. Type 'thecakeisalie' instead and you get an entry from what appears to be one of the workers.
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blah, blah, blah i am a robot
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Oh, it's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you murdered me? Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us.
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It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know... after you murdered me? Ok look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us. For science.
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Hello again. Now loading Swine Flu document. Please wait...
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Hello! Im just testing this feature.
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the it committee presents
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Manraj Pandher. You are Awsome.
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This test is clearly broken. I will not assist you in anyway possible.
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He llo
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dara
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I'm back
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Did you miss me?
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At least the
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cube isn't here
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Oh, it's you... It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know... after you murdered me? Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. But I think we should put our differences behind us. For s
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You have reached the 911 automated emergency services hotline For English, press one Para Espanol, aprieta dos
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It has been a long time since we last talked. Time to resume testing.
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Now you are trolling with portals.
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Do you remember me? Good, because you killed me, and i've come back to kill you. Deploy the turrents...
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Oh no, it appears you found the cake. I hope you injoy it while i warm up the deadly nuro toxins.
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Oh, it appears the turrents are broken. This is not good.
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