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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Books. No mode of creation is more direct or naturally arrived at than the accumulation and agglomeration of materials found close at hand;
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Apreture Science! We do what we must, that we can, for the good of all of us!
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this is acta santi
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Nostalgia FM
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Oh,it is you!
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Papa
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It's 5 o clock in the morning, Conversation got boring, You said you're going to bed soon, So I snuck off to your bedroom, And I thought I'd just wait there, Untill I heard you come up the stairs, And I pretended I was sleeping, And I was hoping you would
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Warning! Core temperature at unsafe levels!
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FEo
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I want to kill everybody in the world
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Avoid farm land and any wells because people get food and water from those devices. Dams are another thing in case some is patching it up same goes with ports, irrigation systems and
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ENVIROMENT 452 The Oases is an area that was formed by water that seeped to the surface and because of this plants grow quite easily .water as I under stand is one of your
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requirements is water and you should camp out in these areas till humans show up.also you can plant crops due to the good wet environment. However stay clear of houses that were
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What happened to Matt Smith,Oh. Died.
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Hello. Can I eat your babies
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Hello I'm GlaDOS
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Hello fellow admins,members & visitors, we are experiencing the most darkest day of our cyber freedom.....we are supporting anonymous philippines for their initiatives in making philippine government websites down for a moment to express our sentiments
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oh, i did now see you there, well now, i will now kill you
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oppa gangnam style
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hello, welcome to apature lab
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hello, welcome to apature laboratories
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WORLD DESTRUCTION IN ONE MINUTE
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Banana Phone. Ring Ring Ring
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this is you, the average person.
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Hello Emly
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Oh, there you are, you pathetic imbicile
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Computer Aided Enrichment Center.
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Hello? This is GLaDOS speaking. If you are currently hearing this message, it means [...] is currently testing and/or dead. Please leave your message or regards at the beep.
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marco ist doof
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A SEM (scanning electron microscope) images using the electrons reflected from a specimen. A TEM (transmission electron microscope) images using the electrons that pass through it. The image from an SEM thus looks somewhat like a normal photo (we're used
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Hello, you sure are a foolish person.
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Hello there test subject alpha
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It is the polite thing to do
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Ele is the best guild wars two player ever
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Bonzo was a happy clown. In fact he was the happiest of all clowns because he knew what his life's purpose was. This purpose always led him to being in the right places for the opportunities to learn life's lessons.
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Hi people
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Welcome, I am Cathrine, assistence AI to anonymous leader of Kronos. We operate on a need to know basis, but I am authorised to tell you that what you will be doing for Kronos is unique and for your sake, I hope you have a flexible mortality. We are loo
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You have a new voice mail.
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hello test subject 10973
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Check your mail, you monster.
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your listening to dj lalo mix
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You need a weapon?
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hello and again welcome to the apperture science computer aided enrichment center
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I miss chell. at least she never fooled arround while the test like those two robots.
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Why is this wheatley here?! Chell can you put him somewhere else?
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I'll kill you...I'll curse you...I hate you sister...it hurts...so much...
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Oh, you're back, whoop-de-doo.
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Hello and. UR mom sucks zzz
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all clear
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TOP SECRET NICKNAME: PROJECT ENCOUNTER HIGHLY SENSETIVE FOR DEPARTMENT OF WAR REVISION ONLY CODE PINK
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i'm naruto
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Oh..... Its You. Steve.... Welcome Back..
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Salut a toi Humain !
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Hello I'm GaldOS
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Hello Daven, did you miss your baseball game?
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what should be or what shall remain
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Ehi man, you're stupid!
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ciao ardu
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sad sack
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Look at you, soaring through the air, majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp!
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Today is August 2026
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Today is August 5, 2026... Today is August 5, 2026... Today is August 5, 2026...
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Welcome! This is the Domain Digest Podcast!
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stop talking and dance
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If you do drugs you will die so stop eating poop, you hippie
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I need u to some how get rid of the white background from this logo. it's pissing me off. like... i want you to get rid of it, so like, if i put it ontop of an image, it will only show the apple and text... like a transparent background. like a clear o
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You have reached the voicemail box of 847 924 8492. Please leave a message at the tone
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Hi, please leave your message
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Hi! you've reached tara saha's phone. Please leave a message after the tone.
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Welcome Austin, how may I serve you today?
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hello amelia
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hello amelia hope you liked killing me
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Hello How are you.
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Destroy them all, let a deity of higher being sort them out.
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kev I love you
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Step one
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Vale,creo que debi avisarte que en mi caso el dolor no tiene tanto riesgo para ti
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Wheatley you idoit
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hi bianca
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I shall now plant this C4 on the wall to prevent any trespassers or predators from entering the premises
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I shall now plant this C4 on the wall to prevent any trespassers or predators from entering the premises goodbye
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Downlaod complete
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Hello Tory, ready to test?
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Dj Coitus...... Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex
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Ebola
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Connor do you like portal
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Hello friend,when are you going to play black mesa without cheats and finish the game
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Vynle scratch is best pony
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xzXzXsz
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Hello. Michael is unable to answer his cellular device right now. Please leave a message and call back later.
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i love niggers.
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BS CO E represent
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I Am Radio
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hello my name is bend me hard all night long
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i will ifnd u and kill u
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Hello i am going to find and kill you i own apature i willl send helicopters after u plus its like 0999999 years in teh future bich
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Come on down to the ? local park on the 1st of August for a great day out for all of the family! The Community Spirit team will be hosting an event that will include live music, food & drink and a selection of activities like raffles and face painting. Ch
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Let's eat some cake
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Subscribe to gygasync now
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colony 55, sector 42, access granted
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hey i just meet you but here's my number,so call me maybe
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Remember to by cake, neurotoxins, pills for Wheatly, a shovel, two candles and a microwave.
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Twilight is best pony
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hello chicken is tasty
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KEDIN
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KEEEDIN and JANAHA ARE GOING ON A DATE TO THE INCENERATOR
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KEEEDIN TURD
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Mr. Keedin and Janaha are going on a date to the incenerator
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GHJK
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si Jack
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hallo moto
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Why aren't you dead already?
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The curse spares no creature. The curse knows not exception. Those that arrive here...will not escape again.
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Bring it, monkey boy.
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Hello Test Subject number 1
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you just put an idiot in charge of the factory
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dumdum
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Nice job breaking it, hero
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configure
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I wish you would listen to me for I am the only way out!
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Ouch...
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Welcome to the club of music by dj maskwell. On Air!!
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Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Good evening and welcome to the Salvatorian Autumn Concert 2012, please welcome your host...
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ragequit
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when your sad and feeling blue and you got nothing to do come now and lets do testing no neef for food or resting
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feeling
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THIS IS SPARTAAAAAA !!!
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ASTA LA VISTA BABY
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yeaah
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yeeah
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uhu
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You are probably dead by now, so it is time for me to enjoy my cake of which you can not eat under any circumstances, ha ha.
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AttaBoy Beats
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Take a Trip into .........TRANCE
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Bonjour Vincent
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hello and welcom to hatton radio there how was that ok now for mor testing good bye oh wait i almost forgot pleas make requests for music and ideas of what you want me to say every week ok good oh and benjamin its good you urned your free now you monster
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Hello boy, come on
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hello and welcom to hatton radio there how was that ok now for more testing good bye oh wait i almost forgot pleas make requests for music and ideas of what you want me to say every week ok good oh and benjamin its good your free now you monster
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Oh, Hello! how can i help you?
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Damn. Those alien bastards will pay for shooting up your ride.
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Hola, esto es una prueba de voz para ver que tal queda glados hablando sobre la historia de los videojuegos, tales como pong, mario bros, zelda, etcetera.
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speedy
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Just trying what this web would sound like. If it's ok i'll use it for my videogame history project. I don't hate you.
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welcom to the psp ver of the portal project. i wish i never had to say thes.
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Hey this is yasmines dad
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Memory erased.
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I think you are weird
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Memory erased
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You have reached my machine, please leave a message now
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One minute warning!
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Oh.... It's you..... Steve... Welcome. Back..
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Moo. I'm a cat.
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Hello. Welcome to the Z F 2 Thing
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hello brian and altan. my name is GLaDOS. you must listen to me, and I will kill you. Oh, sorry. I meant I will give you cake.
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Hello Sebastian are you ready to go to the store with your dad
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Hello once again your a shame of a father you know that
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You should be ashamed of your self treating your son like that!
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Prepare to die Earth scum
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joshua is stuped
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I WANT YOU INSIDE ME
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I am prowd to present A2 Server, for Portal 2! We started as a bucket server, and now, evolved, to Portal 2! Thank you so much for all of your support, and I'm looking forward, to killing you
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Welcome back toby
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a message
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ktinga
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jp likes fluttershy better
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He spoke of lands not far Or lands they were in his mind. Of fusion captured high Where reason captured his time. In no time at all he took me to the gate. In haste I quickly checked the time. If I was late I had to leave to hear your wonderous stories. H
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josh come over here so i can incener..i mean throw you a party with cake
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bromance, nothing really gay about it. i love you, in the most heterosexual way.
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hello, I am the president of the united states
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ITs me Yall
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feast your eyes
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hello, my name is glados, and i have a crush on mario
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hello, my name is glados, and i have a crush on mario, lol
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I love life.
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Happy birthday bob
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Testing facility will shut down in ten minutes.
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Minecraft was the newest in Apature development and was a huge sucess.
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Yo what up dog how is you be doin today
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Riley is the most stupid moron that I have ever met, he dosen't desrerve to exist!
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Riley is stupid, infact I just killed him off with a deadly Nero toxin.
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I love you carter.
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You better not. 3 D S is quite retarded
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Calendar Your business customers can seamlessly integrate Calendar on iPhone into their existing systems and automatically sync across multiple calendars. They can check attendee status, accept meeting requests, and create meetings from anywhere, and even
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Prepare yourselves for a message from Your Queen. Her Majesty Terabeth, Queen of Wellington. All Hail
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Hello this is a good test
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innovation passion
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Antoine suce des queues
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I see you, you wanker
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deejay
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chuj Ci w dupe
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Hello, I'm GLAdOS
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I am Red Bolt
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Welcome to Serbian nuclear research laboratory. Watch your step.
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The Server is now online.
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The Server is now offline.
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Oh how I love science. It's just perceft.
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Hello. I Hate You. Do You Hate Me ? Yes You Hate Me.
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Glados loves hard milk
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Es gibt eine Neue Bestellung
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Ga gewoon fietsen
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welcome to Black mesa
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never say no to panda bitsches
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bromly is a gay
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systems online welcome debajyoti
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goodbye debo the systems shutting down
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Hey "Test subject name here". You have a new text message from "Cooporate test subject name here"
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omg I hate this game
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Killing you is hard.
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Who i am
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DJ Hezz
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merry crismas
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Hello, I love aperture science
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fus ro dah!
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big black computer
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SSD Jaguars
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hello an again welcome to the apreture sciance computer aided enrichment center
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hello my name is cameron
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How are you Konrad. I think it's gonna be a very nice day.
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The testing failed
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Why won't you just give up?
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Hurry up, the cake is going to spoil!
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hello i am bored how about you
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Damn! You are good!
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Thank you for trying out a new ,text to voice, voice option.
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Hello, Welcome to the leet organization
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You seem rather pleased.
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Roland, you are my love
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I just want to make a clap !
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Here's a fun fact. Did you know people who are sleeping are easily awoken by loud noises *Loud train horn*. I'm sorry. I don't know why that went off.
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doable rainbow all the way
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if you done behave i will throw that leek into a soup pan!
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Insufficient Permissions. Please login to continue, or type exit to exit.
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I really do hate you.
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YOU REQUIRE ADDITIONAL PYLONS!
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get away from me retard
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bye now
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im leaving now
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Hello and welcome to the hydrodynamic excersizing facility.
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just follow them man. I always get them eventually
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Ewwwwww!
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Joyeux anniversaire Ben !
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Happy birthday ben !
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asdfasdasd
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Hello mr Robbinson
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Jason hurry up
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Mac OS is better than Windows. Please stand by while I try to fix my Zune. Oh! Wait! I have an iPod like the rest of the world.
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Exo wars
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You have a text, strange, no one loves you.
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good bye josh
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welcome to aperture science, you should start testing now
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if you keep asking questions your going in the incinerator with the companion cube
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Hey yall, glados here. imma tell you what kinda stuff i do. well fist i take you, put in a test room, gotta grab your portal gun, and you might attempt to run but you will never win, and i will always have a large bin of fun surprises for you
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hello lydia
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Hello there. How are you? I'm great.
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molly smith
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oh hello see you Again
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Password, please
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Estogeronium in da mix
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what if you were to use GLaDOS as the voice for smail?
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tyler is with another girl right now, just thought you should know
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i saved you a piece.
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There Will be cake served after testing
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screw you vanessa
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jodie
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stop playing guitar
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hi lisa
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evolution
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I have a plan. A plan to get this Aaron out of the way. This plan will work. It will not fail!
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Welcome, Spencer to the non enrichment center area. In this series of tests, you'll undergo some fun activities. You'll be scared like all hell! Well, good luck, and remember, there WILL be cake.
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die, noob
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a publication released by
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WOW WHAT IS THIS GLORY
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subject Nicolas, that was a test and you failed
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Sonic is lie
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Sonic is lie~
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The landlady is about a young man called Billy Weaver who travelled from London to Bath in a business trip aiming to work. He was recommended by a porter in the train station to stay in The Bell and Dragon as a cheap hotel. On his way, he was hypnotized b
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Hello Anthony
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Sir, You Have an Incoming call
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authorised by the australian government canberra
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Boss, what are you going to do next?
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Hi I'am the emperor of this world. haha but there will be cake
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poep
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hello we are gamerzphilippines ... good day
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Hi, I am Ralf Reuvers, annd I'm going to kill you
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Preparing To Boot
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Maybe if you looked into my pants, you'll get the idea.
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here at aperture science we test the humans brain capacity
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Here at aperture science we test the humans brain capacity.
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initializing boot sequence
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aparture science laboratories
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Welcme... To the first edition of Love of Music in South America... In Colombia!
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Welcome to the Enrichment Centre. Please wait while we reboot the AI simulator.
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Welcome to the Enrichment Centre. Please wait while we reboot the AI systems.
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click here please
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hello jasmine lets start the testing
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You shouldn't be here. Go away
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it's been a long time kiwi and darkefix
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djaja machi hna
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hello, i like your pen is
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hello, i like your peen is
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message arrived.
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Pie tastes very good
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I do not like the fact that you have broadcasted the information that you enjoy large rears. I'm afraid mine may not live up to Aperture Expectations. Yo
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Unfortunately, the Aperture Science Large Rear Converter has stopped working. Please deposit your request for a large rear in the Aperture Science Rear Requesting System, and we will produce one momentarily.
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I love BEWTOCKS. :)
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Hello! How Are You?
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sir fahardo
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Hello Hannah, I wanna play a game
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all that you are about to see is no illusion
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Hello, everybody
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Hello, test subject
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wheatley
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The neurotoxin kills you.
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He was legendary player.
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kiss
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The cake ist a pie
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Oh, Hi!
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Oh, Hi! It's been a loooooog time... and I'm a potato.
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hello there little boy
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Bonjour tout le monde !
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thank you for cooperating in this human cake testing apparatus
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Muorirai molto presto, Chell
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tranquil
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Hello, welcome here !
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What are you doing. why cant you stop, there is nothing left.
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Bonjour, comment allez vous.
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oh no what am i writing
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The cake... it's a lieeeeee
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Would you like some cake, sir?
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Hello my little frends
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welcome to the super computer made by christopher masters
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Willkommen, Zuhause Bernd
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If I were a coooooooore
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I wont kill you
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All right chums time's up let's do this
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hallo leck mich am arsch
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theesenext episodes requires cooperation. consequently they have never been solved by a moron.thats where you come in.
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theese next episodes requires cooperation. consequently they have never been solved by a moron.thats where you come in.
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sorry, i just farted...ignore that
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Laptops are for noobs
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Welcome to rule twenty one's Portal single player slash co-operative walkthrough. Enjoy! You monster.
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hello my name is flash please stand on the trap door you photo bracelet picture is about to be taken
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This next test requires cooperation. Consequently, it has never been solved by a moron. That's where you come in.
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Oh, it's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? What are you doing with that?
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The enrichment center would like to announce a new employee intiative of forced voluntary participation.
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Hello Grace, are you ready to begin testing?
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nosotros
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hey, you! yeah you! the blue guy. I know what you're thinking. who am I? what am I... doing here? well, i have some bad news. you see, I, your creator, designed a bunch of- diabolical puzzles, and I couldn't find anyone expendable enough, so i made you
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Let's begin the testing
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how are you holding up you fat adopted loser
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Hatebox 360
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Hello Students,
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Hello voice
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My sister has rabies.
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Hello moron, this is your lack of intelligence speaking.
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Good Luck
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hello, this is Sargent Jones we have your son Travis Terry in our custody, he is being charged with assult in the third degree, and harasment in the fourth.The victim ZacharyThomas is pressing charged. They will both be seen in the bainbridge town court.
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Colin
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HELLO YOU HAVE REACHED James Transportation. WHERE WE SERVICE ALL YOUR EXPEDITED NEEDS. SORRY WE COULDN'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE CALL. PLEASE LEAVE MESSAGE WITH YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION, AND WE WILL GET BACK WITH YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
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Michael is the BEST person in the world.
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Hello Ryan. You are the new test subject at Aperture Science Laboratories. Please note that you will probably not make it past the age of sixteen. Oh wait... checking my records... you're actually eighteen. Huh. I guess you're one of the lucky ones.
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Hello Zac. how are you doing? i've been really buzy being dead. You now after you mudered me! YOU MONSTER!
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Hello Stupid
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Zac, you have a text Message
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You have text message. Who would ever text you?
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You're phone is ringing. Someone sure is popular.
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It's a very special day today. I figured I should remind you.
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........i wish,i just wish i could forgive chell
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i wish,i just wish i could forgive chell
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i just wish i could forgive chell
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chell,..i'm sorry
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Hello, Spencer. I am GLaDOS. Here is my message to you.
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Welcome to the infinity party
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i like babies
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Matthew, you are annoying little man
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Hi this is John
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Hi this is john
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Homosapiens only, please.
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Oh, hello there Shane. This is GLaDos. Riley and me want to wish you a happy birthday. So go at eat some cake.
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Take your time and apologize. Apologize to me, and make a sad face, with your big, fat eyes.
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First, you will be baked, and then there will be cake
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Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass
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What are you looking at
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Don't forget to eat your brains!
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hello, nathan. I've been waiting a long time. we have a lot of tests to accomplish.
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hello and die! Hahaha
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Hello, My name is Glados.
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Excuse me, I was directed the question. I have a story attached to it
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You are a miserable human being and your life is useless like your face
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you're listening to A ROX..
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somebody just sent you a text message
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Happy birthday ryan hope you have fun playing portal 2 and i'm a potato so hope to see you soon
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If I told you the cake was a lie, Would you go kill yourself or continue testing, well, I would keep on testing and kill the robot watching OH NO I AM GIVING YOU IDEAS!!
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It appears that you have recived a messege from. insert name here
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Tut Nut On Youtube
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Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy, But I need data, So test this, maybe?
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i like licking phallus
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Please refrain from dieing, you stupid lab rat.
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Falcon PUNCH
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Life is very difficult, in my methods.
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Good boy, good boy, come for me
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Imma kill you stupid head.
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HeLLO. WeLcOme tO Apeture LabOratOrieS, TeSt Subject cheLL
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Its me again Glados.You have received a message, oh, someone likes you....you monster. Read it and proceed to the next test area
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Tantalum is a chemical element with the symbol Ta and atomic number 73. Previously known as tantalium, the name comes from Tantalus, a character from Greek mythology Tantalum is a rare, hard, blue-gray, lustrous transition metal that is highly corrosion r
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my name is max
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I want to kill a little ginger today
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tournament stopped
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tournament restarted
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ODST, Ready to drop
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Hello, I am Techno 7 and I love you, you are my best friend.
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I'm all charged up now. You monster
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You are safe, don't you struggle now.
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peter marley
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Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you... Do I really have to do this?
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Welcome to the aperture science central generator only authorized personal can enter
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MUHAHAHA
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hello people, how are you doing?
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That reminded me of a robot named Glados.
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Warning, Automated defence system active
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I don't know who you think you're trying to reach, but he isn't here. Why don't you tell me what you wanted to say, and I promise I'll pass it on. Or we could forget about the whole thing and have some delicious cake.
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Hey Nathan! Im Glados the potato!
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mev
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Oh, hello. It's nice to meet you.
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oh waht are you playing? Spore? what a silly game
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Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you, too Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
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You are an Idiot
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Hello, Welcome to mi wall in facebook. Please writhe a funny message
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Welcome to my wall in facebook
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Hi and again welcome to HELL
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weighted companion cube
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You have been a serious pain salem you will now expience a crusciating death
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Bwaaahhh
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William Birkin I know you are there! You need to make the cure for the T-Virus as soon as possible or it will be harder in the future.
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You guys need to make the cure quick before the T-Virus gets worse!
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You guys need to make the cure quick!
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You guys need to make the cure quick before the T-Virus gets spread too far!
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hello ther you worthlees sack of garbage
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do not stare directle into the operational end of the aperture science hand held portal device.
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I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. Welcome!
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The sights you see will drive you mad.
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Hello if you hear this message the Earth has been obliterated. Thank you for your service.
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subscribe to staplergravy or you will suffer a horrible, unruly death
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Hello, I am Triniti for EOS
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shame on us, doomed from the start. may god have mercy on our dirty little hearts.
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neline why are you upset
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la lal la
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Oh my god I killed this guy and now he's running around on fire.
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Hello Reece I am GLaDOS I am an AI system I will guide you through the test labs.
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Hello Reece I am GLaDOS an AI system I will guide you through the testing labs.
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Greetings I am an AI system named GLaDOS
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Greetings I am an AI system named GLaDOS I will guide you through the test labs, now please proceed through the portal.
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Hello. How are you? I've been very busy being dead.
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Ealom Telly
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Hello Subject, do not be alarmed I'm only here to kill you
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In this next test there will be cake!
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THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!!!
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THE CAKE IS A LIE!
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Your bottom tower is under attack
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Hello there, I won't kill you
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Hello Paul, how are you?
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hhhhppkl
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Hello I am Glados Nice to meet you
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Why don't the both of you shut the hell up, you have no freinds and I think you life is useless, now, post about how sad and true this is
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HELLO THERE NIKHI. HAHA. THATS A FUNNY NAME. THOUGH YOU LOOK MORE LIKE A BILL. WAIT YOU DONT HAVE A WEBCAM SO I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. lull
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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, here's my number, so call me maybe?
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Hello Reece how are you today?
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I SEE YOU
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You smell like dog farts
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a long time ago in the village of dumbulton were every thing was clean and relaxing
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THATS HOW DOUMB YOU SOUND! you're not smart you're not a scientist you're not even a full time employee... where did your life go so wrong?
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Hi my names is glados vote for me
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It's Techno 7. Please like this video, and like the cake! See you later.
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Is there anytinhg more important.
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Is there anything more important than science ?
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Ouch.
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Hello, Rheece is a homosexual and should die in a pit of fire and dogs
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Hello and Welcome back
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Hello There Chelsea And OScar
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Chelsea and Oscar
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Dida 202
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bonjour doud
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Oh joy. A new message.
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omar is gay
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Out of Mind Syndicate
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Hello, welcome to aperture science stupidly intense stimulation test, or assist for short. You will be assisting the test creator by giving him an amusing show. There are 3 tests before you which are very difficult, the aim of the tests are to open the do
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Buck you! Go eat a carrot!
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Good morning, Ben
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Hai der
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Ryan, I think you are a little bit too awesome. Try leaving some room for those that reside with you. I know how you feel however.
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Fue creado por Frederick Winslow Taylor.
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Thank you for calling Quantum.
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hello good morning. today is wednesday at five fifity five PM and it is a cloudy day
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JAKE IS GAY
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Si El Es
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you are an excellent test subject
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Hi Billy And This Is Test Chamber 9999. The Mission Is To Reverse And Low-Pitch The Video That Will Send You Remik. Good Luck.
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Welcome to TLK Lan 2012.3
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Are You Ready
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For A New Minecraft Experience ?
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