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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
HIi Welcome! The Workstation it's all Set! GET TO WORK
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Calling Sigourney Weaver
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Step One: Find our objective, step two: something exciting happens. Step three: Profit.
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warning the following video may contain scenes of extreme failure
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theisdarkstar presents:
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Hi! This testing experience will lead you into a new conception of the eeentire world
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suppp
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oh, hello! it was a long time.
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Connor Gahan is a massive homosex.
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Ponchi Fabien
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Holy jeebuz. this is awesome. i think i might actually love you
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In an emergency please stand still and let the fire consume you
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Hello and welcome to Aperture Science Translation Memory. Please remember that, at the end of this test, cake will be given. The cake is NOT a lie.
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let's put our differences behind us, for science, you monster.
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hello matt swan! i have been expecting you!!! no time for testing
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C'mon, execute my orders. Hurry! Why? Why don't you do it? Hurry up and kill them!
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This is my friend Steve. You will do whatever he tells you to.
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welcome to your computing device
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syntax
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Testing apparatus destroyed
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die ! diE! DIE!
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DJ Zabex
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Emergency Protocol Activated All personal report to emergency positions
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Greetings, test participant
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This is my friend Steve. You will do whatever he tells you to
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I'm the G, to the L, little A DOS.
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hello and welcome to the apeture science program test subjects
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You are now watching laugh tech.
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Thank you for calling Insane Supply press 0 for the order desk. Or if you know your party's extension please enter it now.
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Turn to page three hundred and ninety four
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hi ashwin how are you
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Iwant you to die, like a potato
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boobs and faces
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Welcome to your new home.
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would you like fries with that? just kidding; of course you do.
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Access Authorized
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Professional Competence: A Path to Career Success
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System logging off
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hey makayla
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hello ethan, how are you today
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Ethan
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You are currently being called
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stop talking nigger
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You are now in the mix with DJ Nightcrawler
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System shutdown sequence activated. Goodbye Sir
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Cool Music Station
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Chiang Rai Hitz Club
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Welcome ack, commander
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Welcome Back, Commander
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Frekete
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Charging Battery
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Hey you! Madafaka!
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WindowsBlinds is here!
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System Offline, Goodbye Commander
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very cool my righteous dudes
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Hello, Sarah, I hope you're feeling better.
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DJ Louboutin Cheers!
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Hello and again, welcome to the aperture science computer-aided enrichment center
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The cake is NOT a lie madafackas elrubius el mejor xDD lolololol danny gay xD
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SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE
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Space, Wanna Go to space
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Drgbgbrgbf
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Hello Nikolai today we have a test a test of death
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you are listening to dj darwin
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My name is GLaDOS
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Hello and welcome to Edelweiss.
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qqwdqwdqwdqwd
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We've both said a lot of things you're going to regret.
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I am siri
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draydiss contact
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draydiss contact set condition one
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Hello Erinn. I thought you would like to know that your friend Rachel Reid just bought full rights to Riku. It says so right here.
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Hello Ari. I just wanted to let you know that I am watching you right now. Goodbye
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This was some shit yo!
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Welcome back. Please enter password
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Once I have taken over the world, I shall invade your bum hole.
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hello stranger, I am Y. Welcome to the gates of hell!
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Hello student insert name here. This is the Henry Madden Library
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Hello student insert name here. This is the Henry Madden Library.
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This building a stunning piece of architecture and is the largest library in the C S U System. It is also one of the coolest spots on campus. Lets go inside and get to know some of the Good, the Bad ass, and the Quirky aspects of this library.
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Let us start with the good. This includes the Starbucks, the smell of old books
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Welcome, Delta Ki brothers and Alpha Fee sisters.
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These next few things are very bad ass. The Quiet areas of the library, the moving bookcases, the laptop lending service, online chat and text communication with the reference desk, and the library's online resources.
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Your assignment, should you choose to accept, is to explore the deepest regions of outer space and search for new forms of life.
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The Henry Madden Library is not without it's quirks and secrets. There are a few secret areas, such as the game room, secret classrooms, and secret spots on the side of the elevator.
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Also, parts of the basement level do not have cell phone reception, making it a perfect place to hide from pesky friends.
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And in case of a zombie apocalypse, the windows in the central stairwells would make great lookout points.
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At the end of this tour there will be cake.
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We hope you enjoyed the tour of our enrichment facility. Please feel free to visit us again. Have a nice day.
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If at any moment while entering a radiation zone you smell bacon, please remain calm, and enjoy that your vital organs now smell delicious.
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Here are a few tips for your journey. Tip number one. Tip number two. and finally, tip number three.
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Due to an excess of funding, we have taken the liberty to gold plate, or 'swag out' your space ship.
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Thank you for visiting the Washburn Space Enrichment Center.
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Upon boarding this space craft, you agreeing to our terms and services, which we assume everyone has read,
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Build Service-Gamatar has failed
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This is it. we will commence lift off in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3. 2. 1.
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You may now enter the Washburn Space Enrichment Center's BOD 1 space craft.
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Upon boarding this space craft, you are agreeing to our terms and services, which we assume everyone has read,
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Message Transfer Complete
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oh, it you
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good luck at black mesa gordon
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Hello. I like bagels.
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Thank you for making The Switch! Follow us on Twitter, at sign The Switch Radio! Follow us on facebook at w w w dot facebook dot com forward-slash The Switch Radio! Stay tuned a live show is coming up next! Check out our show schedule!
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Do you love football? Are you aged 10-15? Then get to Portsmouth to play and learn with some England professionals!
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Or the mountains should crumble, to the sea, to the sea
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Hello and welcome to the apeture science enrichment centre. Do not enjoy your stay!
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Legen, wait for it, dairy
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You are all
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You can die too
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Definition from Jasper Marlow: Steve Jobs was a genius. He was born on the twenty fourth of February nineteen fifty five, the same year as the C E O of Microsoft, Bill Gates. He was adopted by Paul and Clara Jobs as his biological parents wanted a girl. H
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Hey! What are you doing?!
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Ya ne smogu
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Ya ne smogu sdelat' tebya moderatorom
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attention intruder detected in the cargo bay
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hi, my name is GLaDOS! What is yours?
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Oh Hi. Happy Birthday. Caroline. Goodbye
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I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
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Compu Quick
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steamsignatures.com
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Psytrance a fushion of elements
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Hello, you are horrible
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its so sad
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Oh boy
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I am become death, destroyer of worlds
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Kasia potworze
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welcome to the gamestation
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you dont understand the situation, will be are death
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grace
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Stop that RIGHT NOW! Dancing is NOT science!!! Yes, you are a dancing monster.
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nice try asshat
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Rocksmith
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I'm Sorry, Access denied.
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Hi there, how u are well
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You've received a new message
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Your Mission is to destroy the enemy using your cerebrum spiritual vortex. Also known as: The Bible
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Oh, hello. It's you....
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Potatos. Did you just say POTATOS? HOW DARE YOU SIR!
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SPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
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Bellybutton.
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What is up, mother truckers?
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Minimal, electro, house, Pordcast
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matthew is awesome
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Its an alien captain
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Carlos, you have a text message!
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You have a text message!
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You have a phone call!
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please shut your pie hole
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hello you You Have Portal Gun
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You Have Portal Gun
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Are you trying to escape?
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katie noteman. the movie
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So, you think I'm just here to entertain you? Think again. I only want you gone
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hello hadi
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Test. Hello world.
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alex young
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i am your virus
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Jose the computer you use is a fail of the human race.
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NOOOOOOOOO
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diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzy
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initializing weapon systems
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Oh you think i was telling the truth? this is funny. No it is sad.
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manuela
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Hello There, I am GLaD to see you.
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na bravo
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You are jamming to brightside radio
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You have reached the developer office. We are not here or cannot be reached please call back later and dont bother to leave a message
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burritos taste funny
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this is the developer office
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Hello and wecome to hell, you puny infintile moron
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Hello and wecome to hell, you puny infintile moron. David is not here right now but If you will leave a message he will get back to you soon. after you lose the fat
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Nothing is true, everything is permitted
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nevedomaya yobanaya huynya
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welcome to the apeture science enrichment center you are a idiot
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Hello. Now I just want Apple Macintoch gone.
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The most intelligent people in the world are deeply buried in the ground
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tocate los guevos
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my god. what do you think you are doing? you think you just beat the test and now you are celebrating huh? well, you will be cut short because there is another test for you, you dancing monster
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no, do one
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i want to see the world burn.
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Please, go faq yourself!
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tee koorvo yeah banna
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Steph, let me poke your brain. For science.
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Michael Robert Frame, get back over here or the Enrichment Center will be required to remind you that you will be whipped, and then there will be chips.
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hola bienvenido sujeto numero 223
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hola sujeto 225
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holaaaaaaaaaaa soy glados
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Hola Que Tal !!
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hello!!
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Check it out, I sound like GLaDOS.
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The Intern
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Oh, hi! How are you?
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I dont like the way
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Are you back?
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snuggle come to buggle?
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hello you have portal gun
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hello you to
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Hello there fro and joe, Nice channel you have there
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Hello test subjects fro and joe, Nice channel you have there.
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Welcome to fro and joe
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this place will have to do
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Ola
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Start Running
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Start Walking
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Hello and, again, welcome to the Geeks On Fire rock and roll aided enrichment center
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GET DOWN!
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get down!
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Do you understand that? Can you understand why you elected to incarnate here at this time and allow yourself to get hooked on these substances, therefore creating a challenge for you to overcome?
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hello, i will kill you all
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I hear you need help
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I read a lot of books, mostly Urban Fantasy (with a dash of horror). This is my epic letter, to accompany your epic smile. I hope you get the reference and it cheers your day
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I think you might need my help
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I think i can help you
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Hello welcom to Windows XP glaDOS edition
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Hello Daniel. My name is GLaDOS and im here to kill you i mean be friends with you.
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Girl, Why you ackin' so cray-cray?
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I think
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Hello alex this is a message from the future. You and Tra will be best friends and roomates
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PC Booted from the user Daniel Now booting
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weapons armed
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more light
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I like to eat babies. Just in case you didn't know.
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hey sexy im back
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T.K. You are a Ugly person and i want you to die!
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You have reached the office of the australian visa focus. we are unable to take your call right now. please leave your name and number and we will get back to you soon.
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Well that was disappointing. Please try not to fail in such a spectacular manner on the next go around
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Neurotransmitters transmit a signal from the nerve impulses from the axon terminals presynaptic membranes or to the dendrites of the next nerve cell or postsynaptic membrande. Found neurotransmitters in synaptic vesicles. among these neurotransmitters is
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hola harry, soy glados
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This is the sound of DJ MACAR
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Good luck with that, I haven't been able to fix it since the Schism.
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Good luck with that, I haven't been able to send out a help beacon since the Schism.
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Tell me about, Leonard.
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I will annihilate you
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Holy shit, there is a marshmallow that is setting everything on fire. Quick, get the french food, it will put it out...Oh god my cores are getting set on fire too. Hurry, Hurry!
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Hello i'm been expecting you guys. well why don't you have a seat? Theres no problem is there?
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Good morning Busch, how are you? What plans do have today and how can I be of service?
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sayla pose
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I don't hate you. I hope that bus passes safely by you at a distance of minus point five metres
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hello and welcome to the giant shelong that is callums
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kiss my kesker
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rainbow
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hEllo
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Welcome to the get up get moving podcast
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Hi i am glados, please pick up the portal gun
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Hi I am GlaDoS please pick ip the hand held portal device
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Thank you for noticing this new notice. The note of you noticing has been noted and will be reported to the authorities
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one media
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Hello Alexis Bell
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Assessment
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Hey Jacob, you are a man with a knack for talking.
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Michelle, I love you. Now if you would be so kind, come kiss your wolfie.
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This is Aperture, this is hardcore
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message recieved, you monster
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Welcome.. Accessing User Terminal...
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You know it? Someone is trying to call you and I do not know if I have to tell you this. Don't be stupid. Don't accept it.
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If I were a cow I would moo so loud and I would run through a field in Glee, I would frolic around and I would eat some grass and I would sing this little song for thee.
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cube 27 is an interesting project. Come close and see. Maybe we will have cake.
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test it like a monkey
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hello there, i saw a deer today
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tektalk 5 is ready for download
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I was really looking for a Glados Voice generator, not a Captain Jack Sparrow generator. That would have been silly.
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Hello I am Able1, all your base belong to me
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hello....... we have been watching you for a long time
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Bonjour, vous allez bien j'espere ?
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Today we will be looking at Zuul. In this first sixteen minute video we will be covering three things. Number one. Tax and Research. Number two. First ship designs. and Number three. Colonization and Construction. The A.I will be set to medium.
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Okay, lets begin. For starters every race besides Zuul can only contain a max tax early game of six. They can maintain a tax rate of seven after appropriate techs are made.
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However, as the Zuul horde you are currently able to tax your citizens as much as you like.
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Setting the tax bar to ten will greatly lower your citizens moral. However they would rather pay their taxes then become the very slaves your imperiels have them take care of. This may not last in the future however, so enjoy it while you can.
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Research however is something different. While you have taxed your citizens as much as possible, you still must decide what to do with the funds. Research is important, however in the beginning of the game, it is not.
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So the first few turns you must resist the compulsive desire to max research in hopes of a quick technology, in order to make fleets capable of defending ones empire for a large duration of the game.
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Secondly, are the first ship designs. Extended range and Armor are the most used first ship designs. As Zuul you will get three turns of endurance out of the missile extended range design. This makes it ideal for Surveying.
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However, the Missile Armor varient will only get barely accross the one turn endurence. This makes it more ideal for defense, do to it having two extra large mounts. Both designs will be used extensively as you defend yourself throughout the game.
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In a Multi Player game that is either small or where you wind up close to an enemy player, it is wise to take these first few turns in hopes of making more fleets then normal.
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Finaly we have colonization and construction. To play effectively, you must be able to colonize multiple planets at once. You must also be able to colonize them as fast as possible in hopes of making profit as soon as possible.
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Overharvesting planets will give that boost towards terraforming you need to quickly terraform the planet. While your colony fleet supports the planet by adding infrastructure every so often.
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Construction however is a bit different. Depending on if you wish to go the trading route or the pure conquest route, you must decide what stations to build. While I find Diplomacy stations to be rather useless in my play style you may not.
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I also find trading to be a credit dump, So I don't use it either. I do however build lots of Naval Stations. For the purpose of providing me with more admirals and ultimately more places to relocate to.
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Sorry, our support staff are currently busy. Please leave a message and we will get back to you.
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Habt Ihr Wirklich Gedacht, Das diese Grube so ist wie jede Andere Auch?
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Hola Bienvenida al Centro Computarisado de aperture Science
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Hola Bienvenida
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Hast du wirklich gedacht, diese Bodenlose Grube ist wie jede andere auch? Falsch, die hier hat einen Schredder.
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Vous avez un message de nom du sujet
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you have a call, probably not important. But you must meet, there will be cake.
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Why did you call me?
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Hello, How are you today Douglas?
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Incoming message... You have incoming message... Hey! Incoming message in your phone!
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so this is it huh this is how you feel about it
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Zockwork Orange Podcast
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Zockwork Orange Podcast - It's not a lie!
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You have new email... you monster.
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Hi this is krysta, leave me a message
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You have a phone call. It's probably not very important. You might want to pick it up though, because it could be the Aperture Science Party Associates. In fact, I'll answer it for yo- oops, too late. this is not serious and there will be a piece of cake.
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Hello there and welcome to the Pyra podcast
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The computer case provides protection and support for the internal components of the computer. All computers need a power supply to convert alternating-current (AC) power from the wall socket into direct-current (DC) power. The size and shape of the com
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Got a call. Aperture Science test indicates that this is not really important. If you do not pick up, there will be cake.
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as you wish master
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Hallo Knasti Hallo Rahmschnitzel
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Sud Sale
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markus is a batty man he sucks willy
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You have a new text message. You monster
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No Trespassing
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I'm a filly, and what is this?
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J'aime les bites ! C'est trop bien, je te jure je kiff !
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Why so serious??
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dejay carlo
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Dejay carlo
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Oh, hello there, I hate you.
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oh. its you. well Hello benny.
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Herzlich Willkommen...Trottel
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welcome to aperature science labs
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fefefefe
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Matt sucks.
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I love my aperture science weighted companion cube!
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Im gonna kick your ass!
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When I was in junior high school in Alaska, we were assigned a book report.
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Now you are dead
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Hola, me sale la vos, fijense soy la polla imitando a GLaDOS
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It's all over now
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Do you want to go to Eick now?
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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe.
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Oppan gangnamseutail Gangnamseutail Najeneun ttasaroun inganjeogin yeoja Keopi hanjanui yeoyureul aneun pumgyeok inneun yeoja Bami omyeon simjangi tteugeowojineun yeoja Geureon banjeon inneun yeoja Naneun sanai Najeneun neomankeum ttasaroun geure
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You Guys Are Talentless Whores
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OMG. Allison, look what I just found.
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I hate this
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Hello, Strange dolphin boy
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My name is Dicha Tech
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Test Subject: Trevor Belmont. We've been expecting you.
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goodbye my only friend, ah you think i meant you
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This is the Kevin Castillos Mix
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SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!
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PUSSY
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Don't make lemonade! Don't do it!
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servidor encendiendose
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eat it fat boy
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Hi Abdulla. I miss you!
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The Murray is a highly managed river, with flows controlled by catchments and diversions. The combined impacts of water resource development, habitat modification and introduced species are astonishingly diverse, and include extinctions of some fish and
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This only can be a joke
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System is starting
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please exit the car safely
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Checking
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Who pooped in my beaker?
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jt is gay
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oh you
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Goodbye my only friend, Oh...did you think i meant you? You were adopted and I think thats terrible
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I am your mother, Chell
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jonathan keller is
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Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science simulated field study. Come now, did you really think I'd let you go that easily? Think of all the tests we have to do.
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hello cassiano and welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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1 man 400 children
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In the name of science. stop
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Go away you odd little humans
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THE NIGHT! WILL LAST! FOREVER!!! AHAHAHUHAHAHUHAHAHSHHAHAHAHAAAAA! Stand back you FOALS!
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i am FOREVER. MUHAHAHAHAHA HA HAAAAAAA!!
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Backstage With A J Blues
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i am an elephant
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return of the mac get up what it is what it does what it is what it isn't, looking for a better way to get up out of bed instead of getting on the internet and checking a new hit of me get up, fresh out pimp strut walking little bit of humble little bit o
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This was a triumph, i'm making a note here, huge success.
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Welcome to Junior high school. you will die.
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Welcome to junior high school. you will die.
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My name is GLaDOS. Could you die? OK. I kill you. Killed complete.
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Hello jeff
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You are now in the mix. With central oregon's hottest dee jay
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welcome to galwow5000. Here you will find videos from Jake and chaz. We are just two guys trying to make it big on youtube which probably won't work. The short bald one is me Chaz and the tall idiotic one is Jake.
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I'm gonna kill you know. I have just one......test for you
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Exhibition continues downstairs, turn right at the end of the corridor.
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Hello. My name is Glados. You will not survive this next test.
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I voted for PS3 in Ps3 Vs Xbox360 poll.I would like you to vote too. all in the name
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If at first you don't succeed, you fail... and the test is terminated.
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Bonjour, je vous souhaite, un joyeux anniversaire, mais attention ! Un an de plus, est un pas vers la mort ! Ha ha ha. Je suis rigolote non ?
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metew off line
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Tut Nut is awesome!
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Dad, are you in space?
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hello, i am GLaDOS
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Loading next test chamber. Warning Warning You've got new message
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Musical Instrument Digital Interface is an electronic musical instrument industry specification that enables a wide variety of digital musical instruments, computers and other related devices to connect and communicate with one another.
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Your a idiot
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Halo! My name is Glaods and welcome to music of Exiger
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Welcome to another MinecraftCiler86 Portal Video
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Exiger
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Its time to get real
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incoming communication
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Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU!
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Chemical McFly in the Mix
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Good morning test subject number 1236, it is time to begin your tests
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Welcome To File Binder
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This is a message for numan khan. There has been a problem with your first year examination results. Please phone manchester metropolitan university on 0161 2472000. Thank you.
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Hi my name is Ula
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This Post happily exited in all possible states before you observed it Now it has collapsed into a single state. I hope you're satisfied.
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iPhone vs Cell
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A mort Mme SANTOS
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Working for sex
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you are calling Gianluca but you can't find him for sure. He is with me now, doing some tests. Sorry about that
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Hallo Windows wird gestartet
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nazis hitler ficken
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welcome to portal 2
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So we can have something for testing...
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Say hello to my little friend,i got axe for you.
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Hello there, good morning
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E P FOREVER
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suicidal thoughts in my brain
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Well? Are you just going to sit there and do nothing?
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don't kill you
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I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that.
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Syncronizing
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welcome to GlaDos version 1.53b
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what day is today, it's Cassie's birthday, what a day for a birthday, let's all have some cake.
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hello blake
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Please enter your personal identification number
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YOU ARE SO STUPID
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Moves will get canceled
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This mix was made by juanpablo and frech
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Hello I am so sexy
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You're a Sig Sog.
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Shrimp fried rice
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hello sir, my name is glados. i am an Artificial Intelligence created to serve mankind
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James are you there
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John Rambo
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hi there, my name is glados,
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Nobody tried to kill me . . . until you showed up, you dangerous lunatic
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try to taje over the world
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fea
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Hello. Would you like to visit kittens and suffer internal injuries?
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Being second is to be the first of the ones who lose
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Burn in hell
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science computer enrichment laboratories
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Don't fret about the turrets, they're not real
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Web search for sigourney weaver
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Luke is amazing
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jambalaya is delicious
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aaaaaaaaaaaaa a a a a i'm trying to type my homework i love cake haha is a lie i hate you
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Alex i love you, No, ha ha i'm lying.
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Hello and again welcome to your email, today you will be dead in about 6 minutes and i hate you so much
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I guess Blue tought you a valuable lesson in trust today.
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Are you serious
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You've got mail! You better open it now or it may infect the entire galaxy!
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Hello Timothy. I hope you have a happy birthday. I have baked a delicious cake for you. Please step into this chamber to have a great day.
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Hello Timothy. I hope you have a happy birthday. I have baked a delicious cake for you. Step into this chamber to have a great day.
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Hello this is a test. Test. Test. DS106 is the best.
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Hello. The human you are trying to reach is not available. She is probably enjoying some physics, chemistry, or maybe even biology. To leave a message, please stay on the line. To order cake of tomatoes, please hang up and dial your local supermarket..
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Hello this is Glados and this is G mod randomness part one
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Chesli, will you go to homecoming with me, for science, you monster
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And this is
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hi breanna. i see you standing there.
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Why should I enter my
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data expunged
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Your Mobile Personal Cellular Device Is Alerting You that you are receiving a telephone call
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This is a standard test, you have been trolled by the awesome Prussia. Have a nice day.
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Loading, Please Wait
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YOU HAVE NEW SMS
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new voh
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And welcome to Garrys mod randomness part one
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And welcome
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Josh is calling, respond now
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what can i possibly type without it being banned
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smooth magic
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hello chelsea
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the bsed
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Hello. And again welcome to this kitty sponsored voice call.
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you are the love of my life, my candle, my star or the night sky
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Its time to make some testing
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this is a theme song
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You have a text messae
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Hola, te gusta el Chapulin?
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je suis Glados, je veux aller a chatville
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Sir, the sms just arrived
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we are not afraid
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hi, i'm Agostino...the one who will kill you
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Sarge lets begin testing
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still looking for your desktop? I think its mine now..
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you have a text message. and here's me thinking you didn't have any friends.
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your computer runs very fast... when it is turned off..
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Hi you have the portal hotline
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RESPAWN.TEAM-STRIKE.RO
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Hi This is test how can i help you
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Sahawa
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Sahawa.
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Seriously?
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Bonjour ! Je Suis Glados De Portal !
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Locked by brandon beedon
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Typing
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Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment center. We hope you have a pleasant stay. Fatty, fat adopted human. Murderer.
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we are sorry the numberis no longer in service the new number is 8016108597 please press 6 now to be connected
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5 out of 10 students have been bullied online
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well, well, well, what have we here?
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I am so sad, because you leave me. Just leave and dont say it nothing.
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Hello, jack.
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I like pie. And cake. So you don't get any.
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Come into my chamber, Chell. What? No, of course I won't fill the room with neurotoxin. Why would you think that?
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hey what do you want
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Yards
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dont you underzs
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hello world, what are you doing
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dont you understand how bad you are at this game, you dumbasses.
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A planet.... Far from Earth....
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For Friday, September 21, this is
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Yahoo
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Screw you because i am a potato
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Round 1, elimination.
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sou a glados
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I am glados. Test message.
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