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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Careful with that Jazz, oh wait, that's you
Download09/08/201206/18/2013
Good Morning, Josiah. Can I interest you in some delicious cake?
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Hello. I see you.
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camouflage cougar?
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You have just received a message.
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By the way...you should be warned. You will have to transfer all 649 Pokemon to your Pokemon Black and White 2 Game.
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Hampus you got a new text message, i'm a potato
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greetings test subject.
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send ure invites now and dont forget to subscribe
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Hello, Welcome to Aperture Science.
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Well, I need a disaster core. Let's make it.
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text message text message
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System Event Message Recived
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How have you been? I've been really busy after you murdered me
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Hello and welcom to Aperture laboratories
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Hello and welcome to Aperture laboratories
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gia sas hime anergy
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welcome to Aperture laboratories
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Hello, my name is Andromeda
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Well here we are again, its always such a pleasure
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Well, look at that. You seem to display the same intelligence as a non-intelligent being.
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Jordan Granados
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oh. hello aidan. you've changed. you can now use the portal gun better than last time.
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You Have Been Choosen To Be Text Subject Of Aperture Science!
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Your phone is ringing. I'm surprised any one actually calls you.
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Boiling Point... Finite... Fossil fuel... Fractional distillation... Complete combustion... Carbon dioxide
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Hello Polina. Thank you for doing this test.
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Okay bye.
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Each year thousands of pigs die
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One boy and his laptop take on Minecraft together
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one time while you were at band camp i slept with your mom in your room
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Welcome on our server
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niosdfmnosidfmosdf
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Privet kak dela
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hi, parani. you're gay
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hi. parani. you're gay
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Hello people, i am pipo and welcome to another community test chamber.
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I love ashley.
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hey you this is victoria
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Im sorry john. But Im afraid I cant do that.
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TeRNeT Laboratories
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I. Am. GLaDOS.
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This! is! sparta!!!
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Wheatley, you are such a moron.
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Oh. How I love the smell of neurotoxin in the morning.
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I hate you. I despise the sight of you. I have never hated a human as much as you. Why cant you be normal? Or something at least close to normal?
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Lets see. I dont appear to see any magical anons right now. thank goodness.
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Let's the music begin
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This is a test to see if this really is GLaDOS
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What the actual
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I think the best way for generating electricity would be by using a type of energy called Wave energy. The Kinetic energy in waves in the water is used to turn a turbine which turns a generator resulting in electricity. This is ideal for the UK because it
Download09/08/201206/18/2013
Thank you for completing the challenge.... Dalton... Norman.... You will now be rewarded with inceneration. Enjoy.
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The Enrichment center would like to remind you that your hair is ugly and filthy.
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Hello Jialiang
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heyyyyyyy
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Welcome to Craft Humour
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I have a very important question to ask of you.
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Its Gravity, you are a noob
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Ok, you official suck. NOW FINISH HIM
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This was a triumph, and I'm still alive.
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You are reaching the limit
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hahaha ha haha hahaha ha ha
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smoke what you got
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Lets have some cake, Shall we?
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tracy music
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I was wanting to get sushi from weis
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Stacey you are performing more than average, which is more than i can say for jason, yes you jason your just bad at this.
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Turrent are really very nice, as long as your invicible and stay still.
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hunt
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whY HELLO THERE MY FRIEND
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Peter! You've lost the news!
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Hello. My name is Glados. I am Cake.
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Hello I am glados, the new Iphone voice for siri
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My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard.
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Let's get this over with
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Kelton is awesome
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Happy birthday Kelton
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dsadfadf
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I will violate you with a knife.
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Hello, Experiment X 25
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Welcome to the aperture science intellectual course
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no you can't do this!
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Hello Jasmine Victoria Freeman. How are you?
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Alec how are you doing
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Alec are you feeling well
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I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I'm all out of bubblegum!
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Do you suffer of brain damage? please for science's sake, answer to your phone!
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Connor you are such an ass.
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kristian is nasty talking about so much jobby. Do you like jobby also?
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hello, would you like to test?
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Mom complete this test and you will get your cake
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Diana please complete this test then you will get cake
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I want to kill your babies foolish human
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The fires had a minimal impact upon the economy from a national or state perspective, despite thousands of homes being completely destroyed. However on a local perspective, there was quite severe damage. While Australians required almost five times the
Download09/08/201206/18/2013
Hello, I am your worst nightmare.
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Goodbye, Have a nice day
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Thank you for the power
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Oh, I wonder what is in here!
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Look at you, your so ug handsome
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as you can see you are stuck here till you have made it out of here hahaha
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keean
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happy birthday keean
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how have you been becase im a patato
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you deranged lunatics why
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Oh no... not andre hopping. He is the worst person. AND he works for black mesa. Its a shame he is still allowed on facebook. Glados resents you andre...
Download09/08/201206/18/2013
Seriously, why has Valve stopped talking about Half Life 3? I am going to shut down their servers if they do not talk about it at E3 next year.
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Hello and this is a test to see if this works you blithering idiot
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There is too much cake. Here, have some. Enjoy! We would like to note that the cake cannot talk
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You have a message. Please answer it.
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Someone is calling. Please be nice to them, and do not let the Weighted Companion Cube have the phone
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Hello How are you aiden
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I've generated the TCP/IP tutorial for you. Enjoy!
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Hello Mr.Kwong, Welcome back.
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Hello and welcome to Tony and Barb's answering service test. Leave a message after the electronic sqeach to begin testing. Failure to leave adequate details will result in unreturned calls, followed by death.
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sorry that i missed your birthday shawn but i was making you a cake you like cake right oh well see you soon
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mello
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dj rey
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if i was your boyfriend ill never let you go
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this is Aperature tehnologist you are register for portal gun test
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Too easy! I hacked into red mesa security systems failing again!!,
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Hello andry you are register for portal gun test
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who is it
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fack
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hehehe hell yea
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Hello Andry you are register for aparature portal gun test
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Hello, today we'll be looking at two specific acids.
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Subscribe for more videos from dualgryphon
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Ahoj drunkoslave
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Artemie.
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Hello, again, and welcome to Aperture Science.
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Oh shit I fell in a well
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Hello there Cris Lazo You are so good a life and not at failing at life
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Hello there Cris Lazo You Suck and smell really bad
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Welcome Andy, your mobile device is now ready to be used.
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hello I am alex uchiha i am a killer
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cake is on the moon
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French FlairPictures presents, the american road trip
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Hoksies editing , is awesome
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hello my name is Stanislavski
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I really really really love you Juno Magno!!!
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welcome to reanimation labs
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Lux Caeruleus
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Juno Magno
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Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.
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Hello, My Names is GLaDOS
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Why can(t we be friends?
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Why can't we be friends?
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sphere
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Hello there, what are you doing
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That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container.
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All the feels
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sup you monster
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Lance, Bring me the cake
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Lance, bring me the cake
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the cake is a lie it was always a lie you just could not put that together because you are so stupid
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the reason your here is to watch my videos.... right? if not then you need to leave because this is not porn. you don't just come here thinking its free.....
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the reason your here is to watch my videos.... right? if not then you need to leave because this is not porn. you don't just come here thinking its free....
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ef me
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do me
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run
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i like ur ass
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do all
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With a Steak Knife
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stake knife
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why, should, I, insert, my, email
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Thank you for logging in. Your first test will begin shortly.
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or turn me into a potato
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Adam, I'm going to kill you an all the cake is gone
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this is the end.
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Alerte ! David pue du cul !
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Adam, I'm going to kill you and all the cake is gone
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You should have died at Black Mesa
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message incoming
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i im gonna hack you please wait... done i hate you
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However the device, has not.
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Hello Sean, welcome to Aperture Science, your first assignment will arrive shortly
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Initiating surprise in three. two. one.
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hi i a am a robot
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Hello, Jackson
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Hello their i am bob
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Azucar!
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I'm John Calvin and I approve this message. I'm Martin Luther and I approve this message. I'm Pope Leo the tenth and I'm an idiot.
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Are you feeling down? Don't worry, one gram of soma will make all of your pain to away. As they say, a gram is better than a dam
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astronaut
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We can't have nice things because of you
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I'm going to hack all of you. Goodbye!
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Gameviewers NL is starting your video
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Ololololo ololo ololo
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hello , i'm glados
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NEW IS ALWAYS BETTER, MY DEAR OLD CHUM...
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Zaikoo is a system that adds content to your website
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bahadir
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Hello Brendan. This message is just a test.
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O.K. High security mode activated for 2 hours
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Test voice generator
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The truck are you doing
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Hello my name is Nathan.
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you are listening to subphex
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VanishingDeath
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Vanishingdeath
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bum bum bum
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Woher kommt das
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Ring ring, ring ring. Hear that? That's your phone ringing. Now do us all a favour and answer it. Jackass!
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Hello there. Welcome to...An Eternity Bound. Try not to die.
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Eric you need to stop bringing trashy women home. It looks bad on us.
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Hello mitchell
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I will kill you and feed you to dogs
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afonso is not funny
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hey kendo you suck lololololololol
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How about a good plate of tears. I love tears
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Beat by Vin Casey Productions
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Hello I am now going to kill you
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hello, welcome to apature sciene. Cake!
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I am Rick James
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Hello There. Your Mother is texting
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I lost the game
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Hello Tom. Welcome back to the clinical testing application. I am glad that you have returned.
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American intelligence estimates Japanese forces are under 14,000.
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Good morning, Kristi. Would you like toast?
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Hello? Is a Zachary Blatchford available?
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C^3
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hello are you still there? good. i still hate you but i will be nice
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Ah dhebbal dhebal
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Zei
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as you can see you are stuck here till you have make it out of here hahaha
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just follow this chamber and you will find a room
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Good evening. Welcome to the big show.
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Get out and leave me alone
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Oh hi, it's you
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A replacement Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube will be delivered shortly."
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do you not know death when you see it
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Hello there Ashelly, you are garbage
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Hello, and again, welcome to your computer
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The house you want is the third from the left
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i wish i could meet catherine
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Why hello!
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Oh Hi , i have been waiting for you.
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I can't stress enough how mundane and absolutely mind-numbing it was to hear that excuse of an excuse dribble from your mouth.
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Your now in the mix with DJ 10 Licks
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Hey David. You are not the only person with a computer voice.
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Welcome to team furtress, have fun.
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You are garbage
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Hey Alehis is Hassan and I saw Claire and she said you wanted to go out or something.
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Dead Baby
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its time to wake up
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E-Mail for you
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Well, well well. Look what the cat dragged in as humans would say
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Do you understand that the value of this text is equal to cake?
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Hello! You are killing me!
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zack, you monster
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Hello stranger. How can i help you?
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Incoming email.
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Hello, Peris. Welcome to Portal Testing 3 point O. Are you ready to begin?
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Identifying....... identified voice print match Matthew Paulding Welcome.
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Mentos
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Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy. But here is my number. So call me maybe.
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2 poc forum.com exlusive
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Steve has joined the channel
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This is GLaDOS and lucas is my master sebbie is gay and lucas is not
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eye flix hd
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Hey, Shaniqua Destiny Hope!
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dafuq
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gmail
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Hey, d'you want some tea?
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Peter can't use the phone anymore. He is busy testing. For Science. How are you doing? Because I am a potato, fear me. aahhahahaha
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F L Dance Productions
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Mitt Romney can go die in a hole
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Odeio caloiros.
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Seed
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ehi
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don master sheron
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today qube has reached 250 subscribers, so for this reason he has started a contest. Info in the description.
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hey hows it going
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Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
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Someone is calling you. Not that I really care. Pick it up before I get a turret to destroy it for me.
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You have recieved a text message. Oh, how lovely for you. Your parents are still dead, so I guess this is a highlight to your life.
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hello darkness my old friend. i came here to talk with you again
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hello darkness my old friend
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It's all about the Benjamin's baby!
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max du depp
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Hello? I like pizza
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hello can i pet ypur doogie
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hello, may i pet your fluffy dog, will you shut up
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maddy
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Hello and welcome to the joys of my motherboard
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hello my dear how are you?
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hello my dear ?
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welcome to the aperture science center Here we shal test the dubstep gun
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hello, matt, please answer your phone
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Welcome to the Glados System
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What are you waiting for, christmas?
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Kyrankez
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Kody is a twat from kieran
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Hello this is dog
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Heelo!
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Hi Seb, wlecome to the test section, you'll be working for me for me for the next couple of weeks, maybe month, whatever.
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iii
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Hello Luggage
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Good bye my only friend
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You have a new email, which is surprising because you have no friends. You also have cake. One of these may be a lie.
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Hello Michael, I am GLaDOS, welcome to the Aperture science hotline, how may I direct your call?
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Welcome back Mr. Buckley
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Hurricanes are like women : when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.
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what are you looking at?
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So when is your marriage to eyebrows-guy? Don't bother making that face. You aren't fooling anyone. You're in love. At least your assenine mentality is compatible.
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hi, its you
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But it's perfectly safe, I promise
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Guten Morgen Meister
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You see, this is why I don't let those Cyborg Mercenaries do tests. They already know the answers before they even look at the exit.
Download09/10/201206/18/2013
Engineer, you are the only smart one of this whole group. Is there any sort of reason why you couldn't program the rest to be more intelligent?
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I hope you die in a hole
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Hello hello.
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Hello there, Joseph
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I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't let you do that
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D Ramzee on the beat
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Hey Mary, go fuuuuuck yourself.
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Hi Julian. I Am Glados
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Daniel, you should stop playing sleeping dogs. You have to test, testing is good. There are better things in testing than with a video game, like testing, and frustration, and oh yes, I'll have quite a lot of fun.
Download09/10/201206/18/2013
Warning!! Warning!! Human presence Detected
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In one half mile, turn left.
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Twilight Sparkle is best pony!
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oh hi you are a
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oh... it's, you
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go to die
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Jon is a homo
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Hello there, your vehicle named Mia is getting in the way of things.
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welcome to C H photography were memories are made
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saya nurul ziani
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I hope it's for that dead-beat wife of yours.
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couple, get ready for samba...
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Hello, welcome to the aperture science teaching department. I hope you enjoyed your brief detention
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oh, hello, i see you're back. i was really busy being dead
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vieze home verzin wat
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Face book
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Hello. I love Meadow and I want to be with him for the rest of my life.
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Hello there! I am Glados
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Hello there. What are you doing? are you working in English now?
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Hello, Nathan. Welcome to Aperature Science. Mwuhahaha.
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you will be baked. and then there will be cake.
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Welcome to iAlex 6.0
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Try me you punk potato
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What are you doing? You animal
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yarrak
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You have a message, someone cares about you. Just kidding, everyone hates you.
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sound check, 1, 2, 3, sound check, 1, 2, 3?
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Sound check, testing, one, two, three, anyone there?
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d j juno
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You know you love me
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Why you laughing at me?
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You have a glasses appointment today at 9:23 AM. Oh, my bad, you're blind, so that would be pointless. I'm sorry, did I offend you?
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re routing
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one two three four five six seven eight nine ten 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 30 40 50
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nuclear launch aborted
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oh its you.
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Javon, I think it is time for a little test. I do hope that you don't die.
Download09/11/201206/18/2013
John Daly is one of the most exciting golfers in the last two decades. He is known for his care free lifestyle and long driving. He has won two majors, the first being his extreme upset at the 1991 Pga Championship at Crooked Stick. Then in the 1995 Open
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Herpy derp
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Oh good, you're awake
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The 07 Horcruxes
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Hi, you've reached BTMD Health, please leave a brief message and we will get back to you as soon as possible
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Avast, virus data base, has been updated
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This is a tale that you humans have passed down through uncounted generations...
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In my talons, I shape clay, crafting life forms as I please. If I wish, I can smash it all. Around me is a burgeoning empire of steel. From my throne room, lines of power careen into the skies of Earth. My whims will become lightning bolts that raze the m
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Hey, andrew how's your day.
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Hey, wake up dude!
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destroy him
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training complete
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Welcome subject 3130
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Oh why. it did not have to come to this. training complete
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why did it come to this. training complete
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vous etes sur la messagerie de brice merci de laisser un message apres le bip
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Welcome Home Sir
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Hello Zach how are you
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Warning. Device activated. Four minute countdown started. Relocate to bunker immediately.
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oh hi there pew dee pie lets have a bro fist
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hello nestor, im glados
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Do you ever feel like you're running in someone else's dream?
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Fold drive online
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Last call for the gold bus.
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System initializing complete.
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synth core error could not initialize audio output
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Daniel is a stupid stupid boy...why? well cuz he is dumb
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'm sorry if you feel incompent aound toasters. maybe some instruction is in order?
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Will this work?
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your soul is mine
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hello willis
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It is only a matter of time until you test
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BladeRenamed By RetroCometzz
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hi nicholas
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hey nick answer phone
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hey you. are you there
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It's been a long time. I've been really busy fixing computers.
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hahaha, you are so funny
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This ones for see see see vice chief kief. james
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Hi this is Siri. I just love michael at SPOTTS fain. He is a cutie.
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Resistor (born resistor, from Lat. Resisto - resist) - passive circuit elements, ideally characterized only resistance to electric current, that is, for an ideal resistor at any given time should be executed, Ohm's law: the instantaneous value of the volt
Download09/11/201206/18/2013
pikmin
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Hello Eitan, This is Glados. If i were you i'd run
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Testing we gotta have it made
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Hello, and welcome again to the aperture science computer aided enrichment center.
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dalandow sucks
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dalandow is an ignorant test subject. he is a failure with no creativity
Download09/11/201206/18/2013
Hello, Victor Li, it's me, GLaDOS. So you've heard of me, yes, you. I was told by your companion, Andy to converse with you, and to show how I care, I baked you a cake. I'd like to implicate how it is definitely not a lie, or any fabrication of some sort.
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Lidl Michael A Random Portal Test Will Begin
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rte
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Hello Evan, Im GLaDOS and your a sexy beast :D
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brandon is a d bag
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Hello, this is Siri
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Hello Ethan how you been
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I saw Lady Gaga do a pose like that once.
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You will now have your request processed by help desk. If this is an apple product please hang up.
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Hello, and, the cake is not a lie...
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Vote forfred harris
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dear princess celestia
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Hello, Parker. You have been picked for the next Aperture science experiment. Please brace for kidnap. Thank you.
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This is a simple text message that I created.
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I Have learn something new today
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Five minute warning
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I'll never forget you. You're forever in my memories.
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I love you James. You're the Peabody to my Atlas.
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Hoodlums is a movement concerning the unrepresented youth that is too afraid to represent its individual beliefs. This organization addresses those that want to change the world, but cannot make the change on their own. Hoodlums is attempting to speak for
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You suck, douchebag!
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Hello thereeeeee
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ALEX FOSTER ON AIR LISTEN AND ENJOY
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please stop tickling my breasts hehehehehe my breasts are so ticklish hehehehehe
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why do you feel that way? i never did that
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Lesya one lova
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Burtons foods Now in all major retailers for as little as 1.99
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Welcome to Aperture Science Incorporated. I am Glados. I see you are a human.
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Here we see the criminal scum attempting to make a call
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Hello, I am GLaDOS. You have been brought here to be terminated. I hope you have an unpleasent stay
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Garage open
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Hello, Dauren and welcome
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Goodbye, hope to see you again soon
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Hello and welcome to the get up get moving podcast.
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Hello and welcome to the get up get moving podcast
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Welcome to the world of
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hello again guys
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bhashkar
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Hello Patrick. Nice to see you. Have fun with your awesome system.
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Tu va mourrrir
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sdfsfd
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Hello i'm GLaDOS
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Meeeeeep
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isnt it nice to have a computer that will talk to you
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Comment vas tu?
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I don't hate you!
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hello... i am glados, the better testing bot of all time. i want you die because i hate you. but i hate chell MORE. DIE please
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Hello, test subject, you have a text message. Please acknowledge it.
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Oh joy, you have a text message. It would seem that people enjoy your company, unlike me.
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i dont hate yoi
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hello, you have reach me
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New massage for you, Rafael
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Hello You have reached my voicemail
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You did remember to fill in all the quality documents, didn't you?
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hi my name is diego
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Hello antoine i'm Glados welcome to the test room
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say what
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Welcome Master of disaster
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Hey whats Up ?
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A Sleazy Beats Recordings Black Ops joint
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holy cow
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Rob is so awesome
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Hello YouTube I'm Desawble and I'm starting to use a program that lets me text talk
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Hello, Solrac.
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salut jean, tu vas mourir
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its been a long time since
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Come now, surely we can be friends.
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Flight mode engaged
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Hello Test Subject 876532345 It is time for your test.
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Hi! I'm Siri and I want cocaine.
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i am happy
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It's the, Eye of The Tiger
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helo, my name is siri, i killed my owner angus
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Check check check one two. Jesse sucks.
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Check check one two. Jesse sucks.
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Paladin Mode: Activated
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Pote, get up the freaking bed!
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I'm really not in the mood for a conversation.
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Hello, Jonathan
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my name is glados and i like to give out blowjobs and masturebate
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So, I wondered why Haunter is still in silence. Maybe he's gay.
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Rock one o six
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GEEK ON WORK
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hi dylan
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Hey stupid
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In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes
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hah you think you are tough for defeating my minions?... They are nothing compared to me!
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Welcome back~ sherman
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audio uno uno
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Who is your daddy
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bla bla ba
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Do you, Georgia Meredith Armstrong, take Matt Smith to be your lawfully wedded husband?
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I hate you Brittany Burn in hell
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The Cake is not a lie
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hello? someone has birthday today?
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I hate u brittany Perez your a fake burn in hell
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PIKACHU
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gamefaqs . com / pc / 991073-portal-2 / faqs / 62236
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