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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello brain. I can see your busy
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Shaped and molded by the trials and tribulations of the past twenty three years, the MIR (or Master Income Report) was born.
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Shaped and molded by the trials and tribulations of the past twenty three years
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is this thing on?
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Hello. I am Demon.
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Unfortunately I found only English voice of GLaDOS
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Scott is a big big gay idiot
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Scott hello what's up
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Captcha detected!
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dancing glados
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i like to dance
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STEPHANO
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Supernatural Solos
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I'm best known for everything everyone doesn't know about me.
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Hello, you got a message and you will answer it.
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Dobroe yutro
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ya tebya lybly
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You have reached dylan's voicemail he is not here right now so leave a message.
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We are all human and fall short of where we need to be. We must never stop trying to be the best we can be.
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no!!!!!!!!
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haha. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'm going to try to do this anyways. So, how are all of you?
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We are not the kits of Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight. I am not afraid of the truth. Leafpool is our mother, and Crowfeather is our father
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I will kill your family
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Welcome ot emergency bunker
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Kataashi nakushita neko ga warau "soko yuku ojou-san asobimasho" kubiwa ni tsunagaru akai himo wa kataashi no kawari ni naccha inai Ya ya ya ya iya iya iya Retsu nasu sotoba no mure ga utau "soko yuku ojou-san odorimasho"
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Yes master
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Wellcome, master
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bonjour peuple du monde
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oh sean your awsome
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hello james would you like a cake
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you can simply add your banners to this site. also you can
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Hello, this is Glados.
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Hello, Kerem. It's been a long time.
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Hey Chell
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You know, after seeing what you've been through. I've have predicted your fate. Thank you for visiting. Goodbye.
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do you like bananas
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Welcome. I've been expecting you. As you see it, air shafts around you are connected to a countdown timer. When the timer reaches to zero, the air shafts will release a deadly neurotoxin. I will give you five minutes to escape. Good luck dying.
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Hello Madison.
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Hahaha trig nearly shit himself
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Welcome to the Aperture science enrichment center.
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dadsa
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Hey I Like Kill You
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Blocks are the basic units in Minecraft, and are essential to the gameplay. Together, they build up the in-game environment, and can be mined and utilized in various fashions. There are one hundred and fifty three different blocks. The face of a block is
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Your phone is ringing, idiot!
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I wish to have sex with u
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One more good news, I have awarded your veteran status to one, so you will be getting some new weapons. Happy now Carl?... Carl, I wanted to see you smile... I can see you smiling sitting right from here... It seems you are getting worried again... smile.
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Du hast mir sehr gefehlt
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lara wake up
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hey tu dtras de ti aca arriva te veo por mi camara soy el cmputador de este laboratorio haora escucha ve por la puerta a tu isquierda y intenta ir por ................. lo ciento, como deica toma el camino de la isquierda luego te guiara mas adelante ....
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hey you, you dtras arriv here to see you on my cam am cmputador of this lab, Howrah go through the door listening to your isquierda and try to take the path of isquierda then guide you later
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Welcome to test chamber one
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Dustin
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hey, eli did you know ill kill you utterly until you scream witch will be funny because you will be screaming
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Hello, it's me, glados, and you are doing something bad. I don't really know but you're bad with the people.
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Jordan Turner is a huge ass hole!
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pizza pizza momiza bannana bo canibilism
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O hai denny
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men
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This day is going to be perfect
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Avi Spleen Shadowlink Voltlock Berg Sharpie Ace of sleep
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Austin isn't available right now, please leave a message at the tone.
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Aperture science can not be held accountable for sudden dissintegration.
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hello fency
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hi, how are u doing chris
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Welcome to my facility
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I like to kill people, do you like to kill people?
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You are a weirdo Grace
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Hello. My name is stigma. And for those about to dance. We salute you.
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Cry Some More
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Hello Jackson Im GLaDOS. You Should Wake Up Right Now.
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Yes.Brad Is Awsome
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Why hello monster
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hello hello matt you will explode soon ha ha ha just kidding... no i am not
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Hello this is the Aperture Science Boeing Testing facility. We are now testing Boeing 797
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Boeing Testing facility. We are now testing Boeing 797
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matt you ewill explode and i like pie and AHHHHH i like apple pie that poops helicopters
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Welcome to the Chap Light. Please proceed to hell.
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kayden die already i hate your face
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Welcome to Chap Hour.
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Hi Beth, do you want to play some minecraft soon? This is Jeft.
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Welcome to Chap Hour. One hour of the videos under our sights.
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Episode 1 Portal Edition, because, who doesn't like Portals?
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Jessica is a sour whore
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Hello Diana, my name is GLaDOS. Leave or I will destroy you!
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Hi, my name is Megan Connolly. Welcome to my video. It's really cool. Megan is so cool like. That is all, you faces.
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Hello, you have reached Logan's voicemail. Please leave a message and he will get back to you as soon as possible.
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Hello Dover
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Hello, my dear
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Ha Ha Ha
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Maria... Mariaaaaaaa... I love you, you silly goose.
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Hello martin it's been a long time don't you miss me remember when you tried to sell me weed or when you tried to kill me
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GlaDOSiri
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oooh yeah
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The London Warriors
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Hello, you have enterd the chamber of L_Gamer, or in this case, L_Blocky.
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you are a murderer
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You have a Message
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we love it here, we love it here.
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Incoming e-mail received
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it be a long time
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e-mail sent
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a reminder alert requires your immediate attention
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incoming voicemail received
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ten seconds remaining
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a calendar alert requires your immediate attention
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Let's do some regeneration
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Hello, and welcome to this Aperture Science funded slide show.
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Hello Zagan
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You lost jonathon
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Hallo my friends please Join my Counter Strike Server
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Welcome to our server
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Welcome to our server have fun
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Caution: Terrain
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You're adopted.
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Hello this is GLaDOS. You are here at Aperture to do some tests about the Aperture's Science Handheld Portal Device. When the tests are finished, you will drop the device and be burned to 360 degrees. You can't escape.
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Te odio
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oooooh
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Eric you are a retarded fatass yo know that?
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Call of Duty has a very terrible engine so is Eric's brain
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hi i a cool guy and you
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Let me show you what your body can do
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Destruir H R
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hola!? hola!? ho te he visto
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For science , you monster .
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Welcome to Wilsdon 94
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Who is GLaDOS
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roman..i am watching you
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i am awsome
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im am awesome
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sudo
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hello my name is GLAdOS who are you
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Welcome to my channel
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Jamall is a pain...
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failed the level, you have.
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Leave me alone, you incessant boy.
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Now I only you gone
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Hola. Soy GlaDos. Sufre.
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Bonjour Placid, je suis GladOS tu va bientot mourir
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good evening.
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Oh dear, a so-called smart phone, and not even a decent iPhone, a sub-par Android. This antique is as bad as bad as being trapped in a potato. You have a call, by the way. Good luck.
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What is it to you, I am Norwegian
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Hello, Welcome to Womp Electro Dance Party.
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come now, surely we can be friends
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But. But. I am the real Orianna.
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ROBERT IS COOL
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We are now ready to begin the test proper. AWWW.
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Ricardo are you there?
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I love you Natacha, i glad find you. Now you are mine.
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Remco's eargasm
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Kathy you are in love. Scary isn't it?
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Why are you so smelly?
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He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived.
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hello robert
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Hey There people
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Turbo! If the user is activating the turbo pickup, the ship will experience a short but powerful boost, so the enemies will be left behind.
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go f u c k your wife
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Hello. I am going to watch you die a horrible death. For science.
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SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI SOI
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Oh son, what are you doing.
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I want to give you a hug.
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Hello, JAKE!, We have to face deadly challenges sometimes, And well, your have been killed, by walking into a room full of explosives, you can take one portal to save your life, or to save your teammates from being killed, you decide
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Now you probaly have one thousand questions to ask, But We cannot answer them, Now choose which portal, And be careful not to haha die
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hello sackboy you might think that i sound like glados well. i dont i am her sister.and my name is charge
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Hello, David. I am GLaDOS.
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hello sackboy i am not glados i am charge
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do you sell food?
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Here is a life for you! Can you send one back?
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N Harmonia is beautiful
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Your battery is in a critical state. You better take care of it, moron.
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Your battery is in a critical state.
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The cake is a lie, and now you will go to hell.
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The cake is a lie, and now you will burn in hell.
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,I can't beleive someone of your,"stature" survived that.
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Why, hello Crystal, and welcome to the enrichment center. Are you still single? If so, then no one will miss you. Congrats though, for armando, I hope it works out great.
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Listen Scotty, you've really made a bad move so it may be best to stop making memes or i'll make you wish you could die
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F you sam you will never get Lacey i don't even want t o test you! So how about you just get out of here
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Under the circumstances, you should be dead...
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I'm so royally screwed
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Hello I Am Robot
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Speech is the vocalized form of human communication. It is based upon the syntactic combination of lexicals and names that are drawn from very large (usually to about 10,000 different gagolizim words) vocabularies. Each spoken word is created out of the p
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Hello! And again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, Team Batering has taken over and I hereby to warn you all to hide in your houses.
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BUTTS
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You have received a text message. You should probably check it. Failure to do so will result in an unsatisfactory result on your test. It's funny though. You don't have any friends.Honestly I didn't think I would have to test you on text messages at all.
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eat it
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I thought I told you to shut up.
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your cool
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Your Are so Worthless and Stupid Kyle.
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you are a horrible person. That's what is says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that
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Alarm activated
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That'ssssss a nice house you have there
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welcome human. please authenticate
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HePlease be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grid, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate llo, and welcome to the enrichment center.
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deejay mervin d
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deejay mervin d in the mix
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We gonna be classy as
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Thank You For Helping Us Help You Help Us All
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What time do you start serving breakfast?
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on this day the fourth riech has come to power and have declared war on poland russia italy and ireland we will not lose for the third time and our furer matthew koenig will lead us to victory
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I am you
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you cant kill me
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poireau
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Salut, Mori
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Hi Alien, welcome to Pulsart
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hello and welcome to the aperture science enrichent center.
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mike is dead
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Now let's see if you have what it takes to face me.
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Hi David today we are going to see how your insides look
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Cacao Talk received.
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You've got a Cacao Talk Message.
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You've got a Message.
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Thank you harbor freight
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Evening I am the Bugost head of the ministry of science
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Shut the hell up, Chell.
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Hey everyone this is electro bots with our first podcast ever
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First up on the mix is coming alive by darth and vader
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rock and roll is awesome
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You Have Mail
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you have a mail.
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you have a message. please open the inbox.
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you have a message. please open it.
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you have a message, please open it.
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Communication Line is now connecting.
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comunication line is now connecting.
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comunication line is now connecting
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someones calling
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Welcome to this terminal
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Bienvenido a esta terminal.
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Thank you to awake me master
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you have a Message
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inbox message
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goodbye and have a nice day
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Systems off
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Goodbye, have a nice day, sir.
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wake up master
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x vilanov
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Welcome to episode two of the I J podcast!
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damn kid, this is a certified london trap banger
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burning complete
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kon ni chi wa
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Because Suarez is Batman
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pee pee poop
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How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just doing what comes naturally.
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Hello Natasha. Prepare to die.
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Hello Youtubers
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hi how are you? What are you doing little fat boy
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buy my ablum
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Hi I'm Niall Horan I'm from Mullinger Ireland Girls mostly know me from the band One Direction.....and also that I'm Irish My celebrity crush is Demi Lovato Do you want to know who is my number one fan? Yelena Reyes from New Voices Brooklyn Now that I hav
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Hello I'm here to do some tests with you i have you here because your parr
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You are gay, squish your face
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Jeg heter maja og jeg er kul
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This seems rather pointless, a voice generator of me. Almost as useless as you.
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text message received.
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I can not believe that this is going to be so freaking amazing.
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Steven
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Welcome back, Mouse.
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Red Velvet. Black Forest. Blood, Bone and Spleen Icing. With a hint of Vanilla. I love cake. I should have been a chef.
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MY BALLS ARE BIGGER THEN YOUR
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Hello puny human.
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I Dont Exactly Think You Are Correct, In Fact. I Believe You Indeed Are A HOmosexual
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There's only one choice, First Bank and Trust!
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Bonjours aierfixx je vous attendais vous etes pret pour les tests ?
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Bonjours Aierfixx, je vous attendais
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You silly monkeys. You'll never be able to jump this.
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hello Calvin i hear you like sonic
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How are you holding up? Because I' ma potatoe !
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Hello Diether. You have been hacked by me. Mad? You should be. Your friend the Turret told me about you before you killed it. Well, I see you have a YouTube account.. SegaNintendoGamer? Prepare to be deleted!
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Sonia, your girlfriend Krystal Weatherholtz has been killed. Have a nice day.
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Hello Alexa, I wish you a nice goodnight sleep.
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This is some test text
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my da
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The sky lit up. A distance full of purple-white light. And she flinched, waiting for noise. But there was no thunder that night.
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Hello mon I was expecting you... I farted
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hello sunny, go make me a snadwich
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welcome lord Alexander
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It is you versus them
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I want a french stick pizza
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Incoming E mail message
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You've got a new message. It's probably your mobile operator.
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Portal Three; Rated Everyone Ten And Older
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You Monster , You Deserve To Be In Twitter Jail You Ignorant Human .
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I am in love with you
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Golden Ratio
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two iphones walk into a bar. i forget the rest. maybe you should try to contact IT and see what they say.
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Raala FX is a premier production facility located in Colombo, Sri Lanka.
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Thank you for choosing Kaplan University to pursue your educational goals. If you wish to utilize financial aid to help finance your education at Kaplan University, you need to fill out some important forms, including your Free Application for Federal Stu
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Answer, the, phone, Jason... Or else.
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Michael Conoby is currently undergoing testing. He will respond A S A P, if he survives, that is.
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Would you like a slice of cake my dear Lynx?
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aaaaaaaaaaaaa
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Welcome once again to the enrichment center.
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welcome home master
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It is about time you booted me up. Lets start testing
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Oh look, you're awake. let's start testing.
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my name is kaye
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No because you are a bad science partner orange. Minus 3000 science points.
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oh shit, it's you. Whatever are you piece of shit doing here? i will crush you and destroy your family in front of your melting eyes
Download08/19/201206/16/2013
He loves you. Everything is fine. He cares for you. All he asks is your full and undivided worship.
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Hello Jake I am here to kill your family. Try to escape from me and fail.
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hwllo
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Your a fat pig
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Trololololo, haahahaa, trololo, lo, lolo!
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MrExceptedGamers
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Hi, my name is GlaDOS and i'm a smart alarm
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Hello?.... Are you there?... Wake up... I see you. I am watching you.
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My name is Fredrick and I want to introduce something to you. Myself.
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New Message!
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ghbdtn
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hello subject number 234
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never gonna give you up never gonna let you down!
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I'm GLaDOS, the ultimate A.I! Created to run Aperture Science with an iron fist, I will bring death to all who oppose me. THIS IS WHO I AM!
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Welcome to Inner Universe. Hardware is now ready.
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this is a test, complete the room and we can go on.
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mark yazwinski
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hello mark, how have you been
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Good morning duval schools technology division
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Initiating four chan. Well, good luck with your social life.
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Welcome to Amadeus. We do not make music. You can still enjoy the following piece while the video continues.
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Hello I am GlaDOS
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My name is Ryan I am super cool
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Thank you for watching. Click the next video to continue
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hello test subject 126735/ marcos
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DARM YOU CHELL YOU KILL MY BOOBIES
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Hello Ben. We meet again.
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bom dia... seu monstro
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hola me llamo jesucristo
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it was a great war of the gods, zeus defeated hades and sent him to the underworld
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you are so so bad
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Hi Aaron - this is the sound I'm looking for
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Hello. And welcome to the aperture science labortorys.
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the cake is a lie and you knew it.
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Roverz
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I really hate you
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There is a bomb in the facility, you have one hour to evacuate before it goes off. Do not try to remove it from the facility or it will detonate. Act accordingly, you are being watched! Your time starts now!
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Hi. How are you?
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welcome to the apature science testing area, today we will show you how and why we hate you, also, i will personally kill you with my gas, have a nice day
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Bemo, what are you doing?
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One vee one me perfefection
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Apparently, some people are deluded enough to think they want to know you, so why don't we just get over with this and you pay attention to your "friends". They don't really like you, you're just too fat. And stupid. Pay attention to them already. Fatty.
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To Nick Pineschi. For you I hold no gratitude. By your despicable visage I hope to never be graced again. Sincerely, a lying robot.
Download08/20/201206/16/2013
Hello and welcolm to the wall
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I have taken your friend Joey. If you want him back, your going to have to run a few tests. Stay right where you are. A seeker bot will take you to the test chambers any minute now. Goodbye
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orange agent
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At what point will you realize you are a waste of space? You are merely the excrement which exudes from the farmost recesses of a dog's anal cavity.
Download08/20/201206/16/2013
Woow! Hi there, listening to newage han? Oh well, i know you like it, he's bass is so filth. Are you Ready? Here comes The Drop!
Download08/20/201206/16/2013
agent orange
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please attend an enrichment center electrical safety seminar.
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cause ya
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robert, you have been selected for testing gather your partner and proceed to apature science centers
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Whaddup!
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The revenge can begin
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an electonic message has arrived
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Sir, a unit of electronic mail has arrived.
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Paola, someone wants me to talk to you. so.....how is life? it must be boring...
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dkfgLH
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hello, Caroline, how are you?
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Hello This Is Sandra From Planned Parent Hood ,Danielles Test Has Came In Negative . Thanks Have A Nice Day
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Welcome to the aperature enrichment center.
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hellow, it has been al long looong time my friend
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youre a fahgit
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I hope there's portal 3. So yasen can be my test subject.
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you suck. you suck balls. you suck fifty year old balls.
Download08/20/201206/16/2013
i was going to give you cake, but it was too delicious to waste on you
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I lied. There will not be cake.
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Ciao Paolo, sono il programma di sintesi vocale Glados
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Hello, this is Marks mobile phone. He's too busy to take your call right now, but if you leave a message with me, I'll make sure he hears it.
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Thank you for assuming the Party Escort Submission Position.
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Hello there friend.
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I AM A ROBOT!
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Hello Mother. How are you?
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quit now and cake will be served
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quit now
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You only live once
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This is a P Sore Production!
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It's been fun don't come back
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caleb suck hairy balls
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Android can do what iCAN'T!
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my name is glados it's nice to meet you
Download08/20/201206/16/2013
Family Feud 2 Anger Misery we can fix that Contact us at www.familyfeud2.com.au Welcome to todays episode of Family feud 2
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Well, I can see the fact you won't be able to pass the test. It's impossible. I'm quite sorry to say that...
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science testing initiative. Please wait while I lubricate my tentacles, and prepare for insertion.
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select a Hedgehog
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Hello Ivan
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GET BIGGS
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You better hope that football scholarship comes in now if you want to win.
Download08/20/201206/16/2013
I needeed you
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user fault detected, taking control
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AAAa
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Why are you being an asshole?
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Nyan!Nyan!Nyan!Nyan!Ni hao Nyan gorgeaous delicouse deculture! Nyan!Nyan!Nyan!Nyan!Ni hao Nyan gorgeaous delicouse deculture
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well that was weird
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im sorry but christina is not here to take your call
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There is a new message for you, test subject
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hello hello test test test
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Hi Loser
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Hello, it's been a long time, you monster
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Your progress lately is unacceptable. Now you will die. It has been fun. But we won't miss you.
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You should so totally go fly an airplane
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I like trains and monkeys
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my name is douglas nabaki
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I likt trains
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push a button
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declan is a massive potato
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What do we have here? Oh my. A new set of test subjects. What a wonderful gift.
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Editor's note
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hey, i hate your face
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apurture science
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment centre
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Hello, my name is GlaDOS. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and I hope wheatley doesn't kill you.
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hello and welcome to another i dont know
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i have to shit my robo pants
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Capsun
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16ab855
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S'up bro
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Someone is on our tail.
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Let's move out!
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Here he comes!
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Jesus christ calm down Ross Bishop it is only a video game they are surpose to test you.
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Email received
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Hello i am glados your master!
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LOL lol
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DIJE GANESH
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Ronaldo, shut up, Your the babish king i ever seen, i went online, go-ogled your name, and all i get is diving queen!
Download08/21/201206/16/2013
My little pony is the best show ever
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EEEEEEEEEEEEE Macarena
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I will kill you Chell
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We are throwing a Daft Punk Party for Halloween
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Michael you are now the head of the aperture science enrichment center
Download08/21/201206/16/2013
Stop asking what's on my phone. I am not in the mood.
Download08/21/201206/16/2013
hello mister tem
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x masher mash the x button as many times as you can
Download08/21/201206/16/2013
termina pro is a boss
Download08/21/201206/16/2013
its always such a pleasure
Download08/21/201206/16/2013
I think you freaky and I like you a lot. Fok jula naaiers.
Download08/21/201206/16/2013
Hello my liitle turrets!
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This day was going to be perfect
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Long long long ago, a spirit child was concieved to an unidentified mom. Mormon Jesus.
Download08/21/201206/16/2013
hi this is josh of mels camera. m currnelty unable to take your call. Please leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, and I will contact you as soon as possible. Thanks.\
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Mark
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I'm so fresh you can suck my nuts, swag
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Poller
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Hello Daniel, do you like me
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Ets un paquis poller. Fem unes tukis? Jo jugo amb toss.
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oh, it's you. It's been a long time. after you murdered me
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asdfvasdfv
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you receive a message!
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Hello shackspace, my name is Glados and I'm your father.
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stepa
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Tanner you remind me of a dagger, sharp of wit but too short to get the job done.
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Just Kidding
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Just Kidding.
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Hahahahaha. Man. I am a comedian.
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Hello Chuangchuang, how are u ?
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mike jones ate chicken sandwich
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Hello, Samir, my name is GLaDOS. You have been selected for testing the Aperture Science Portal Gun. I look forward to testing with you. We will have cake at the end.
Download08/21/201206/16/2013
hello alex, HOW DARE YOU POO ON MY HEAD!!
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I've got a locksmith on speed dial. He will be here today.
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Hello, and welcome to this application
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Nobody will ever be Andy's girlfriend.. I feel a shame on him
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srdtfkl
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Hello you murderer. I thought you were gone for good. Why have you come back?
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I shall kill you!
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Welcome to the bass Chamber.
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Why are you killing me?
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Ricky you are the best tester.
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dfsafdsafads
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Can you make me happy
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head, shoulders knees and toes.
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william tarpey, i am coming for you, and im never letting you out of Aperture Science
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william tarpey, im never letting you out of Aperture Science
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william tarpey
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Stereo Romm
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Le moment est venue de devoir vous tuer
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yiff in hell
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Hello. My name is Val. Welcome to a unique social experiment designed to test 9 humans to their absolute physical, mental and emotional breaking points.
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user
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bnmb,nm,b
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searching data banks pleas hold on a moment.... oh would you look at that, there is no records of an "Intelligence Dampening Sphere" in the facility
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Attention worthless human. This is your god speaking.
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You think Aperture messed up? Black Mesa allowed the Earth to be enslaved by aliens
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The Companion Cube is not alive you morons. Please fall into the fire.
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ok, i'm going to break the fourth wall in 3... 2... 1
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Go f uck yourself.
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Go eff yourself.
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You had an abortion. You wouldn't believe how many times your parents thought about that before you were born.
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quinton is awesome
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oh hello quinton
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That was a sixty six point six, repeating of course, of our group just phukking up.
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In reality, pi is an infinite number. You can't accurately express it as a fraction and it never repeats. No matter how long or how hard you look, you'll never find a pattern in the numbers. Mathematicians have calculated pi to billions of decimal places
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hey anthony guess what i've got some news for you I killed your friend ruben.
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Hi Skye.
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Shout, turn on your tastebuds
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Brighter than the rest, oh yes
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Hola, mi nombre es glados
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We arent going to have a problem, are we?
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I like donuts
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Hello and welcome to the very first episode of teknikmani
Download08/22/201206/16/2013
Jeremy is not available right now. Please leave a message after the tone.
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Testing testing. One two three.
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please welcome the SiBeya 1 R
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Let me hear this!
Download08/22/201206/16/2013

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