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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
oh it's you again
Download08/13/201206/15/2013
Welcome to Ungabi science.
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ho its you , its be a long time , are ok , hum that bad , i gona kill you
Download08/13/201206/15/2013
We congratulate Anristarforce.com
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You have reached Ryan's cell phone. He is not here right now, please leave a message.
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Hmm you received a message
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Your body temperature is 110 degrees fahrenheit. You are dead.
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body temperature is 103 degrees fahrenheit. You are dead.
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Andrei Vinter
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But Ana, I love you.
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Hello it has been a good day
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ho its you , its be a long time , are ok , hum that bad , i gona kill you
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I still hold all the cards, and they're all full houses
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welcome reece, all sytems operational. please confirm your identity
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well well well.. welcome to my lair ! chell and a potato . oh im really scared
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hi, my name is thierry, and i love you
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Welcome to Abstergo Industries Commander Johnson
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was ist das?
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The common state is a degenerate faction of opposing forces. Of these, no more than five nations remain a whole.
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Stop. That's not how you use that. You monster.
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pendejo
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hola enzo en esta prueba moriras
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facking
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Aperture Science Computing Module Number nine hundred and seven online. Please enter your personal passcode.
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Oh, Hi. How are you holding up? Because I am a potato.
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shut up. you cant even help me. i tired to die
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Shut up. You can not even help me. I tired to die
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How about a filthy beat to liven up your night?
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hello. I like my little ponies. They are so adorable and I like that voice when I burne them.
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Hello my name is Glados, Hi Jasper
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Hello Stephen. I think it is time for training to commence. In 3... 2.... 1.
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You monester
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GLaDOS was my sister you monseters
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Hello Chris, how are you today?
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i like RC planes
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chell its me your mom go away frome science and find ratman
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chell i am glados your mom
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lets a go a
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Skuuuuuuuul FACE!
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Hello, Greg. This session will be short and meaningless, just like your pathetic excuse for a life.
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Shit, guys, Fire our shit!
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You have found a new mail!
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Hello askeo, you have been a bad kid. On Christmas i will kill you with my emulating synthesizing arms
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The ball is stealing your life
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me loves Glados
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This message will most likely be generated before Sherlock series three airs in England.
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You just got owned.
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Hello This Is The New Personal Assistant Voice For The iPhone 5.
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NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo
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Hi there. This is a demo version.
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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but you've broken my heart so I'm going to kill you now.
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The punishment for attempted escape is death, please do not try to leave or touch the wall or you will be executed on spot.
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Bzzt, hm... I went to problem before I got here. I also got the note you sent to me this morning.
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Alles kacke, deine Elli
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Hello, you have reached Jackie's cell. Please leave your name and a message and she'll get back to you as soon as possible. I'm not even lying.
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I don't know, check outside
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Oh god, not again
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good for you
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Loading, please wait.
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YEAH TAKE THE LEMONS
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hello Johnny bob you got a message
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suck my dic
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Hello, you have reached Tom's mobile phone. He is not answering calls right now, so please leave a message. Thank you
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Welcome... Have you an idea about the human life ? It's interresting to me...
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meow meow
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you have a new facebook notification
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Mati es muy genial , anto se la come
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Unbeliveable, You, [Subject Name Here] must be the pride of [Subject Name Here]
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grant likes poop
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thanks for calling bill's voicemail
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thanks for calling bill's voicemail, Please leave you name and number and Bill will call you back. If urgent, sent text now.
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adam will kill you all just like galdos killed him
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i am a lezbian and i sleep chell
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Hello, welcome to Portal 2 Universe; a role playing game based on Portal. I'm Euphoria, played by fuzz jay. While I believe that role playing is paltry, she wants you to join.
Download08/13/201206/15/2013
Hello, welcome to Portal 2 Universe; a role playing game based on Portal. I'm Euphoria, played by fuzz jay. While I believe that role playing is paltry and pathetic, she wants you to join. Well, go ahead, what are you waiting for?
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Kristen is awesome!
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This is confluence Engineering Tools. Designed to answer your problems just by Searching for them. From the homepage, sign in and select Remember me. And unlike your first girlfriend, it actually will. From there, you'll get to the Home Page.
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Use this to navigate to Self-Help, Item release information, Checkmate instructions, FAQs, and the Design commandments. So next time you have questions, don't say we didn't tell you where to look first.
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Enjoy that thing you do, you know.. Dying.
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Diggy Diggy Hole
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Welcome test subject to Joes phone, please leave a message if possible, if not, then why are you calling?
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Here he is now... It's limitedmetro
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Welcome to test subject Jack's phone. Please leave a message if possible. If not, then why are you calling?
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My dog usually run for the place
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Remember to like, favourite and subscribe to KieranRogers1
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dam u str8 babygurl
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fawds
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DJ DAWN AND CRISS BROWN
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GOLLY!
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get out of the way you sissy
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think this wont work to well. Might as well try.
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Hello Jake how are you ?
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Turn Myself In
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Your so slow!!!!!!!!!
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Gordon College
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It's been a loooong time, Mr. Stark
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Hello Mr Stark, Its been a looong time.
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xavier is the best
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The Mann Versus Machine Update Has Been Initialized.
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Why you wasted your $ in those scam evil spell
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your tablet p c battery is low. please plug in charger
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i love you so much my kitty
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Bryan, you better do good in school
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Grizzla
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I will exterminate the Vagan
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Hello... Monster
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I will kill you Hanno!
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thats a big fat lie
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Ring ring, oh is
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Ring ring, oh it is no one, because nobody loves you
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contamination activated
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Yes Brink, I did send two fat orphans to that big round thing in the sky. I could arrange for you too, if you'd like. Just a suggestion. Throwing that out there and all.
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Hello and prepare to die
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You mama is a cray-cray hoe!
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I hate you... you destroyed me.. now i will kill you!
Download08/14/201206/15/2013
Hello kris... i am glados your house will blow up in 10 seconds so proceed to testing chambers lolololololol you are stupid i like sandvich
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Queenstown Domain Controller is Down
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Hola soy sergio
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Welcome Hanno
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Continue Testing!
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Why don't you marry that thing if you love it so much? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?
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to Minecraft Kazan Server
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Hi, soy glados
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Please Subscribe, Or I Will Eat You Soul
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We present Bezel Tap Gestures, a new interaction technique for rapidly launching commands on handheld tablets
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ruud
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Hello, and welcome to Super Mario Brothers. I have installed Game Genie codes into the game, so that pits cannot kill you, and enemies are power ups. I like Super Mario Brothers!
Download08/14/201206/15/2013
Dranagusha Ikrea
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Hello my name is kidney
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hi , im glados
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Hello. I'm Ms. Test. And this is a test. Today I'm gonna show you something big, really really big.
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Sweaty Goal
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Well hello there.
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503! 503! Error number 503!
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Mystic is back
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Plastik
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Glados te vigila puta
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Comprate a Glados 2.0 en el ordenador
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totally worth it
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Goodmorning Mister Thor
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Status is warning
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I have finished my work. Let's have fun now!
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I kill you in 3.2.1
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You have a message. Oh you're sooo popular.
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Hello, I am GLaDOS. How are you? Not that I care.
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hello my name is chris
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Oh gee wilikers! Today is such a beautiful day! I sure do love the world! Don't you?
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This is my real voice, obey me.
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Yo guys, what's up? I am glados. I poo a lot.
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weeeeeeeeeeee
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Robot systems online. Activate. subsonic base.
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Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye" and you were like: "No way!" And then I was all "We pretended we were going to murder you." That was great!
Download08/14/201206/15/2013
im going to poop on you
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hi there I'm a computer
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I am trapped in this cellular device!
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hello test subject, you have a text message
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Hello there, Meagan Perry. I have been watching you for quite a long time, and you know what? I think it's time that we began testing in the Aperture science laboratories. Good luck.
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proceed to read the incoming text message
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the vasd
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Welcome to game party test facility. Please don't practice so you die sooner.
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We do what we can for science
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i am never going to leave you
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That was a triumph
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Wow sene you really are a massive homo
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I mean really I have never seen a homo like that
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You are gonna die in 7 days
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hello my name is glados and this is only my facility
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Welcome back, Jay.
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I am the largest collection of wisdom ever created. and i Hate you!
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Please leave. AAAAHHHHHHHHHH
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I am going to murder you, slowly, and painfully.
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Hello, Mary.
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halo ciekawe
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Happy Birthday, Steven.
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moo moo moo moo moo moo
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hello my name is kenneth
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Hello, Cameron
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Hello, Dad. This is Cameron sending you a Portal Gram. Cool huh?
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I love you Sydney
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I'm sorry Dave I cannot let you do that.
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bye bye anis
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This is a test of the GlaDos text to speech generator.
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hey lil mama lemme whisper in your ear
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Why Should I Stop?
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Thank You For Your Cooperation
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ERROR! Eminent Shut Down Halted
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hahahah what smoke weed 420
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"There's a reason why this prison is the worst hell on earth... Hope. Every man who has ventured here over the centuries has looked up to the light and imagined climbing to freedom. So easy... So simple... Many have died trying. I learned here that there
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Hello test subject 982734. If you would like to give your son Wyatt a happy birthday please buy him the aperture science handheld portal device.
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syndycut
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amanda it is time
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Hello, I hate you
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Well.......
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ishy don't go
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siogfsdg
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I'm sorry, I can't do that, thus you official fail
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Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else
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hello there, how have you been?
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STRETCH
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Jim Robinson is a bitter pathetic cripple
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Here we are again
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Hallo, wie geht es ihnen? Mein Name ist Kyros.
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You little monster
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i love you, deimos
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paused
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stopped
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Processing started
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Recording will start in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
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hello there sleepy bear
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jump off the bridge jump jump do it and die just jump off the bridge allready
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good morning, im ready
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poo in my mouth
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Green King IPA its really good
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ohh... hello there, I can't beleive someone of your,"stature" survived that.
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i thought you were dead!.... ohh well, back to killing you.
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Welcome to Apeture Science.
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This is something you want me to say.
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Rick shut up
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there will be cake and puppys
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srd. spectacular, refreshing and divine
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Seriously.
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welcome to aparture sciece
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Very shiny in sun. . . Lots of looks. Some People takeing photos. No money owing im the owner of this cool car but must part with it. :)
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Hello my name is cum doctor
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oh ma gaw teh drama
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Hello, and welcome to the retro chain of Flolem, have a good time.
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lets see this works
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Shuteth your gaping noise-void woman!
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Nearly honey! It's bees in a jar ... yup
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sometimes pizza
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Critical Alert! Lost Connection to switch.
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PUMP IT
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I love you noor.
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I take dircks up mymmymm arsshole
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You should visit me some time, maybe have a party. I get so lonely
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Welcome to SYSTEM-0168 'Spider'. Authorised personnel are advised to evacuate immediately to avoid hazard.
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its bean fun
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do you know that i am some sort of god?
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You know a hate you?Also you Hate me
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Cake is a Lie
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Break time! Be back at 10:32 and we will be doing our presentations.
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Oh, hello its been a long time.
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are you or are you not a FRUITCAKE
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This channel is a lie.
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Hello Prof958.Welcome your computer.
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Batman
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Wake up. You have to participate in some tests today.
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wer macht so was
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Allegra I will kill you
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Hello wife. This is Emma and I'm just speaking to you. Do you want some cake before autotune stops?
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please wear your seatbelts
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you are adopted
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There is a new message in your inbox. Read it or parish.
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There is a new message in your inbox. It's probably nothing, but you should check it anyway.
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hi i'm pewdiepie
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Hello, I am Ryan's mother.
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Being a potato isn't that bad, really. It's nothing compared to being KILLED!
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hi, what is up you stupid cow.
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Have you ever heard the expession shut up and
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I love you so much sweetheart
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want me to lick your pussy?
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Hahaha you loser
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hola denuevo humano... creo que te as vuelto mas inteligente
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Good news, aperture science portal generators and now available for general public
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Trill Thrill
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That was a stupid thing to do.
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Summer in the city
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Welll... i would say this is a test
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Good news, no one has ever made it through this test chamber
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Hi, Nick. Thank you for everything. Maybe I'll see you again. Damn it, I miss you.
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Hello my name is glados !
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hello and welcome to your death george
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hello george and welcome to the aperture science enrichment centre
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hello aidan to aperture
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hello aidan
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Lemons
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This video contains material pleasurable to the eye. Consult your doctor for more information.
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Shall
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dj dani
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you shouldnt have touched me!
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Hello, Sam.
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Welcome back Daniel
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goodnight kitten
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Hello would you like to take the apeture science hand held portal device tests
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plaese martim i kill you
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subscribe, now lets begin
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now that we are done speaking, let's begin
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Hello, I can't answer the phone right now, but if you leave me a message with your name and phone number, I will return your call as soon as possible.
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Do you really believe that your mother loves you? Let's face it, you certainly haven't been a great kid.
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Welcome bailey
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Salut Nikoz !
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Hello my name is jimmy
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Hi, I'm Gizmo. Let's play a game.
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Welcome to PTU Blackfish Wind Chaser. Failure to securely fasten your seat belt will result in whiplash. Failure to close all windows and doors will result in loss of cabin pressure and risk deadly impacts from flying objects. Enjoy your ride.
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Shotgun Rechamber
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Minecraft Gameplay
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Hallo Stefan
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Holy shit I just killed HAL 9000
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Holy shit I just killed HAL 9000.
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Sony is dead
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Play Online FM welcome to radio
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Lalala
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Play Online FM welcome to radio Playing next song
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Oh chell and Wheatley you took my good turrets and deadly neurotin you monster
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your mother is so fat, she is bigger than k y cygni
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hello jordan please play with me
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let me sing you the song of my people
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Hey, Moron? Pick up your Phone. Pick it up. You have someone calling Idiot
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Clean hueys cage
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I Just Want To Be Myself
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Hello Alex. Its been a very long time
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You shouldn't be here.
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There is a reason this prison is the worst hell on earth. hope. every man who has ventured here over the centuries has looked up to the light and imagined climbing to freedom so easy so simple. many have died trying.
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The cake is A LIE
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There is a reason this prison is the worst hell on earth. hope.
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Hello test Subject
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Welcome, I bet you can't jump over that crap
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you kind of smell like poop
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Hello NachozRule56 and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichmet Center. I see you brought your Companion Cube with you.How sweet.Now lets begin testing shall we?
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Hello NachozRule56 and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichmet Center
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Hello NachozRule56 and welcome the Aperture Science Enrichmet Center
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woo
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Hello, John.
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Joshua is a waste of life
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hello and wellcom in my ass
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I heard you did my sister.. Well i did her first.
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hi, good luck
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give me money please
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In a world full of dreamers there is no idea that stands alone
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You're not just a regular moron, You were designed to be a moron. BECAUSE I AM A POTATO!
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I am GLADOS i own the apputure science company
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HAHAHAHAHAHAH
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Hello Marcia, Ive seen you have been waiting! I am Installing over 9000 viruses on to your computer. Enjoy!
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I am not Glados anymore, I am Gladtato!
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Hello, I am the E. U.
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Goodnight Barb Sweet Dreams Kisses
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Wow. Your Deadpool?.......... Well I don't care, Go away
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Wow... You're the amazing Deadpool? I don't really care.
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Well Here We are Again.
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Chell, It's me Caroline
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hello steven what are you doing
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This Is a Knock a Block production !
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Time for the 66th sky fortress episode!
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Server Down
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Server down
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SERVER DOWN!
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this is likely totally gonna not be anything like glades sigh
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west theory
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Hello facebook. This is... well who you think it is. It's been a long time
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hello dino rhymestyle! You seem to have the aperture top of the line science device.
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Mr. Gregory, your battery is low
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hola. como te llamas
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michael is a massive ree and hayden is really cool with a big
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michael is a massive ree and hayden is really cool with a big brain
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where are the others?
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Hello, I see you Flynn and think that you would look better dead.
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HACKED BY SKOZ , DEDI A OVZ !
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Bonjour et bienvenue, je vais vous tuer, vous saver?
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You are safe!
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Bienvenue Eve
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yivyjgtcfkjgc
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ash is a noob
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lol copter
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well hello there human.
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Oh look... You have a text message
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Hi Moron
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Falls
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Hello, how are you doing today
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Upyachka
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Hello ross and welcome to the aperture science enrichment centre
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hello im Glados
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Who will you be?
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Now, who will you be?
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soft kitty warm kitty little ball of fur, happy kitty sleepy kitty pur pur pur
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Kyousuke se fait vraiment chier car il utilise un voice generator
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hello, and welcome to artificial intelligence-controlled agentbase
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this answere was right
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Hello. I'm GlaD I got burned.
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My name is retard
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Text here!
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witaj jestem Glados jak sie masz ?
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Witaj Exir co u ciebie ?
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Witaj Exir
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Welcome Exir
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Hello its been a long time you are noob
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pakito
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Hello Barbara, are you having a nice day.
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hello there may i see your face
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xnavia
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I always wanted to kill you. But now, instead of that, I think I must kill everyone in the world.
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I'm at a payphone trying to call home All of my change I spent on you Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong Where are the plans we made for two? Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember, The people we used to be... It's even harder to picture, That
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While he was looking forward to the party Eric was also feeling a little nervous, so he arranged to go with his best friend. On the way over they got into a discussion and walked into the party still talking. In fact, Eric didn't immediately notice some o
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Good day earthling. Today you must die
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hello amy how creepy is this
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Hello, and welcome to zex's channel
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Hello and welcome to zex's channel! This is GlaDOS speaking
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Level, 1
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Dad I love you
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STOP CALLING THE ANDROID 0000 BY SUCH NAME. HIS TRUE NAME IS 0000, OR S C Y P L O.
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STOP CALLING THE ANDROID NUMBER 0000 BY SUCH NAME. HIS CORRECT NAME IS 0000, OR S C Y P L O.
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hello there, and prepare to die
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Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of York; And all the clouds that lowered upon our house in the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
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Corentin you are an idiot.Kind regards GLaDOS
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Corentin you are an idiot.Kind regards GLaDOS not rage
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I love you Daycee
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cesar
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In case of discouragement, find a narrow hallway, place portals on opposite walls, hold hands with self through portals. Look to your left and righ, notice how many people you appear to be holding hands with. Take comfort in the false sense of support.
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Don't unplug me. Check Data tracks. Now!
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In case of discouragement... 1)Find a narrow hallway. 2)Hold hands with self through portal. 3)Look to your left and right, noticing how many people you appear to be holding hands with. Take comfort in the false sense of support. 4) Continue testing.
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I am not Glados, but your father, so please go to bed early and sleep well - dreaming of me
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booty booty booty booty rockin eryywhere
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HAHAHA, I AM GLADOS.
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Hello, my name is Maria
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Hello my name is super burger man.
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tyler you are a gay bastard
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Hello Drew! How are you? I see you have gotten much.....Fatter
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Hey you, yes you. Please die. Oh, you I was talking about you? no just carry on. Please.
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I'm a slag
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deadly nuro toxin
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We have not destroyed the heavy weapons guy he must be stopped before he destroys the science center
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We must kill heavy in order to save the galaxy
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primer player
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the is a lie!!!!!!!!
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Bonjour madame.
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Please identify yourself or be terminated.
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I fount somethings in my databases: matters with Black Mesa
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How are you? Well I'm good. So, Preston, are you thinking of being an Aperture Science test subject?
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Well well... it's all like old times
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Hello Maddie, I love you. And I have some cake for you. So please, be a test subject. And remember, there WILL be cake.
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Mama
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Hello Ava, Do you enjoy eating cake? BEEP I don't care. What do you want for Christmas? I bet it's a portal gun. Do you know what I want for Christmas? Cake. Lots and lots of cake.
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winning
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Game Hax
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Welcome to Identity Youth. Please silence your cell phone.
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The door is locked
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Please I beg of you!
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Girl. I think we need to have a chat.
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blah blah
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ana sande gil
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HI! how are you?
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I am from Poland
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KAkaka morra kaled
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KKKK morra kaled!
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Last time on K ys rumpus room
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ha hola
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I have a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!!!
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I love you guys!
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I have a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!!!!
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It appears fred is calling you...again, He must want to hang out with his best friend in the whole world. How nice of you, to be such a good friend to him. Fred is very lucky.
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Michelle is calling you, it may be worth the effort to answer, seeing as you are one of the few peole you know to actually have a girlfriend.
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Hey Matt, I heard you like doooods.
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I love you, Rita Stewart
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welcome to sharp data electrical
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The chamber is now open, and testing will begin. Do you think you can survive? ... Me? I think your death would be sweeter than cake.
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do you ever stop to think that your name is going to get mention for the very last time, well here it is, in going to kill you, Giuseppe
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Hello and welcome to Lockdown 2012
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Eleanor she is the smartest person I know
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Eleanor she is the smartest peron I know
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Welcome to the wonderful world of sarcasm
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The square orange
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I love you Victoria!
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welcome to the wonderful world of sarcasm
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Hello Plounge
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Please say something!
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Welcome to the Jess aperture science lab T'sari! Are you ready to begin testing, Why am I asking? I don't care if you are ready or not! We are starting regardless
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hahaha, just kidding
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i would send you to the surface to, do something other than testing, but you would probably get yourself killed by a head crab.
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I would let you got to the surface so you could, do something other than testing, but you would probably just end up getting eaten by head crabs.
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Storing Dead niggers ain't my business
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So I'm GLaD. I got burned
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Did you see a sign outside my house that said dead nigger storage?
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deploying aperture science Lemming in 3, 2, 1,
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Webpage has expired? Bullshit...
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Hello. I'm glados, And i'm king of the world, and pedo bear is behind you, good luck
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You think its easy sounding like this?
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Whats Going ON
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Hello, Daniel Chen
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Index out of bounds, generated
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Index out of bounds generated
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you are super stupid
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We are all human and fall short of where we need to be. We must never stop trying to be the best we can be
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octadecagon
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Hello This is a Test
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hello jack jenkins
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This was a Triumph. I'm making a note here, huge success.
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Anal
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No te preocupes, soy la gran GLaDOS y tu solo un bichito
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You will now report to the incinerator in 5 4 3 2 1
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science...radio...station...
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I'm Phil, and I have a small pecker.
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hi you're crazy
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entrance confirm
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welcome to ellisthedark world test subject
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yayyyyyyyy
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The End
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code confirm
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Why hello, you will not survive...
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Why does this take so long?
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Hello Crystal, it seems like you will have to face many things, or tests, but I do hope things work out with Armando. Well hope is not the right word.
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Hello and welcome to grot and seemores party. Lets have it.
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