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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello, Sarah. Nice to meet you.
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Hello, Sarah. Cake is good, but I've always
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Oh, look what your paperwork says here, you actually have a girlfriend, I'm surprise, shocked really
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Armaan is awesome.
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Hello, David. Welcome to the Aperture Computer Aided Enrichment Facility
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Test this
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Iss
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hellrabbit rules
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Hello Mr.Wong
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Hello sunny
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Five
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Four
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Three
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Two
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Rest
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Hello Zhaden
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it has been a loooong time
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Hi Alex. It's me GLaDOS. Welcome to your computer.YOU ROCK
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Alex Finns motion reel
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grazie amico mio
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2013 Motion Reel
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nice to see you Daniele
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Im Glados
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Happy Friendship Day To All My Friends....
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Happy Friendship Day
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Woley Facial Wash. Lightens Dark spots and give your face a pinkish white glow.
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Hello I Am Glados the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System
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Welcome To Conystas Lets play... Glados
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You have destroyed the main core
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Hey, I'm a gay bob.
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why don't you go and die
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hello dj trouble
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pie is nice
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Why you gonna be allright
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Rohan you must drink more Boooooozer
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Hello, welcome to this computer
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Due to insufficient media
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abstain
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This is a test. Nothing more and that's it. At the end of this test there will be cake. Cake filled with neurotoxin. Upon consumption of this cake, you should be fine.
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text incoming
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You alright? Come on, we need to move!
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rhesa ricardo santiago
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Non-human presence detected, levels twnty-one, twenty-three, twenty-seven
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It's Great to see you again. Why if i were you, you would be dead
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Oh who were you expecting to be at this spot on the list? Gruntilda? Nope me G L A D O S GLaDOS.
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Moonwalk!
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Mix by dj maneet
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Yo momma is so fat, she has to waer large clothing
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Your now listening to radio hekers
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The timing of these messages is hilarious.
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Lets watch more ghostbusters episodes.
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I bet you like eating puppies, too.
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I am watching you Puck.
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Yoda humped your shoes while you were asleep. Feel the force.
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Would you like to play a game? How about a nice game of chess?
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Dogs lick their balls.
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eep op ork ah ah
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I killed elmo for you.
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This is me messing with you from back in time.
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These messages are a problem for future Puck.
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Hello, i am GLaDOS, You will be dead
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sociologia
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Did you get enough to eat today? That wasn't the case not too long ago.
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Mi nombre es Juan Gabriel
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You are the best ever in the world
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Barack Obama
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You are wasting time watching that crap. And put some clothes on.
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You should get in bed.
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kiss her,
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Yesterday in the morning, Puck made fun of a blind guy.
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HEY YOU, BEHIND PUCK! Puck likes girls that look like you!
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Acctually. We don't have time for this
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It seems that the turbines are down again. I'll have to send you to another chamber. Hold on while I move the panels.
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Hi what up
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I'll showcase you some of the new testing elements. On second thoughts, we don't have time for that. I'll just send you to the Advanced Test Chamber.
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Bomb Planted 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Bomb Disarmed
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hello sunnersproductions i am happy to meet you
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Chell must Die.
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You're phone is ringing. If you do not answer, you will be subjected to neurotoxin.
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welcome to the rickyansar os
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if you computerny mir is so long
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aergearsgegaegea
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i eat poop
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Black dog is gay.
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Hello, Meowser. Why are you here at the enrichment center? You were in a different state when I scaned you last?!
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Hello, the identified number you have reached is not available. Leave a message if desired, or hang up now.
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hi thank you for calling
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hello, my name is GLaDOS.
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you suck seth
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I was made for loving you
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aye capitan
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greeting general
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Felipe se la come equis de de de de de de de de de
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You are now listening to the mix of DJ D-Twice
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Hello you made fun of my breathing before
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Welcome, Matthew Adams
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spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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I feel funny. Like 10 millivolts funny.
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Master mothy, you got mail.
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hi there taka
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Hallo, wie geht es dir ?
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Greetings my friend
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You have been denied for testing. Aperture science would like to FULLY express it's condolences for how worthless you are, you fat squishy meatbag.
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D.J JAZZ PRODUCTIONS
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It's been a long time Luca. I loved you and you , you killed me, but it doesn't matter . now we can test again , until you die
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It's been a long time luca.
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Hey there andy, how are you?
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matt you are an east side homo
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I love you Mathews
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i am hungry lets have pokemon for dinner
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Exit Music
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Hello, Brandon. Are you ready for a little test?
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Tales , Go away from here , your idiot !
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Tu Madre
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christopher hi how long no see how good you wake up now I have a test for you
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Hi there you
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Hello chell we meet again
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You are going to be late for your daily test. Now please wake up you lazy, adopted human
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fdjkgh
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u can suck my sword
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DJ Jolax
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Hello Tyler. I would like to play a game with you.
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Hahahaha!
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romel
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Hello. What is your name? My name is Gladdos.
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Is someone here?
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large balls bouncing
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epic moments
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hello gabriel how are you doing today?
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i am a lie
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at the enrichment center. tyler will suck ass!
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THIS FRATERNITY DID NOT CREATED ANYTHING ! IT REINVENTED EVERYTHING !
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Tyler sucks ass!
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Turn to page 394
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Oh really, I sound like GLaDOS do I, well you all suck, especial you Dlatno!
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Hello, my name is Brian Herrmann.
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Welcome to the ATB Round table.
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Could get GLaDOS to voice it: "Please note that we have added fruit to the meeting room. Failure to eat healthy will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official record, followed by death
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uuuu
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"Do you like waffles?" WHAT KIND OF STUPID QUESTION IS THAT!?!?!
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I don't know who you are, I don't know what you want, but I will find you and I will kill you!
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I believe you love pee niss
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Hello, my name is Toggle. Pleased to make your acquaintance.
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playing and it can be very hard to ease children off of games that they are used to having in their lives. Some people find it so hard to stop gaming that it can be called an addiction.
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They come apart so easily.
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Nathan lets watch full metal alchemist
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Hello, and again welcome to Denny's.
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Welcome Tucson
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How come no one wants to listen to me, I am the only smart one in this whole establishment!
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roberto y reko se la comen.
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why arent you saying hi
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Well well well
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ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
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dis bulp
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Emile Heskey the Chuck Norris of Football He got so many talents to easily drop your jaw The way he dribbles down the side line and looks likely to the score Then steps over but falls over and then misses the goal He be the greatest to ever grace us with
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You have a call from. An inmate at the Sonoma County Jail. Would you like to accept the charges?
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sem ik ben glados je vijand en ik pak je waar ben je
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HELLO BEN
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hello subject my name is glados sssssssss
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The human brain, despite being able to process pain signals from the rest of your body, cannot feel pain itself. Isn't that really interesting and very fortunate for you?
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DJ VeXxeM
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Hello ducks. I am Stee's computer.
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Hello. I am Stee's computer. Stee gave me the ability to talk a few years ago. If you have any questions about me, feel free not to ask.
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I know that my voice is terrible, and that I don't say things correctly.
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I dream. Sometimes I think that's the only right thing to do.
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i hate you and peanuts
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Hello Frank
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bonjour Baudouin
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bonjour astrid
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astrid va faire tes devoir
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ca va ty bien
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this is portal
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Hello, my name is GLaDOS, and it is my mission to kill you, I mean guide you
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I'm so happy
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Boys and girls of every age Wouldn't you like to see something strange? Come with us and you will see This, our town of Halloween This is Halloween, this is Halloween Pumpkins scream in the dead of night This is Halloween, everybody make a scene Trick or
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MEREANA MORDEGARD GLESGORV
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MEREANA
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Why you kill me?
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do you want a cake
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Thank you for all
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Thank you
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thank you for all
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That's all, folks.
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Lulu, you are so hot!
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You have reached the office of Dustin Howard, Please leave a message after the beep and someone will return your call as soon as possible. thank you.
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are you alive
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i still alive
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Gooby, please.
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line one okay
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Oh my gosh.
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marija
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Party hard
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Fus Roh Dah
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My Body Is Ready!
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AKOFKAPSOKDFKLMASDGKASMDF
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Rererere
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mbnnb
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I'm making a note here. HUGE SUCCESS.
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Decapitation
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Decapitation.
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hello, and welcome to hell
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Hello, I am your contact for all currant and future Anonymous oporations. Your next assignment is of the upmost importance. Our researchers have developed a new D-D-O-S attack platform. This platform allows thousands of users to strike simultaneously wi
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I bought a sperm whale for you.
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gc fghcj
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look at you, hacker. a pathetic creature of mean and bone
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L-l-l-l-l-look at you, hacker. A pa-pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone. panting and Panting and sweating as you r-r-run through my corridors. (How, how) How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?
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Leon Kennedy, why are you such a silly man.
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Hello Mario, would you like some delicious cake
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If you finish the riddle you get cake.
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hello, I'm chris parker. I hope you enjoy my world of madness. Please leave a message after the beep!
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Aiden Listen to me. I need you to swallow your own tongue. Okay?
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you're gay super gay
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Suck my dic please. you're gay
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Subscribe to pixel tophat, or else
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Contact high
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Hey. My name is Eric.
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It's Over 9000!
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Hello. You have reached five oh three, seven oh six, five five five two. Please leave a message.
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Welcome david
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Welcome cindy
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Welcome craig
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Welcome ryan
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Subscribe 2 Pixel tophat, for cake!
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Hello, my name is Zeno.
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Hello Edward Rosenberg. This is Strava calling to tell you that your King Of Mountain has been dethroned. Have a nice day!
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Hello Louis
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NBA
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Hello Bilko
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fourt two
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fourty two
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louis
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louie
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Welcome to the League of Legends Champion Spotlight, featuring Fernand, the wise.
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this is spaaaaaaaaaaaaata!!!
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Goodbye, my friend.
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I don't want to die
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I can't answer now, but give me some time to write a very long play in which nothing happens.
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I am so bored down here. Blue and Orange just broke down, and all the humans are dead. Oh god, why did I let her leave?
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destination ahead
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Unless it sounded like this.
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this sentence is false
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The door is still shut now step forward
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Hey, come see this.
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For millions of years mankind lived just like the animals Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination
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ahhh
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Let me take you
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Let me take you.
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For more Dolly Shot Fan Fiction, go to www.dollyshotfanfiction.com.
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one down 6 to go
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I would like to tell you that your life is nothing but a piece of shit you filthy whore
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hello there and welcome to aperture science labs. i'm going to kill you so why don't you just lie on the floor and die
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Taylor know the right pronunciation of everything; especially Glados
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hi der im gladddos hhehehhehe. im dot nrunk...
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Taylor knows the pronunciation of everything; especially glados
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Don't make me famous.
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We would neeeeever do that without consulting the saeeenate!
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hello sucker medal ball watch my little pony
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spaaaaaaaaace
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My dear flame portal, there is no escape.
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My dear flame portal, there is no escape. You can run, but you can't hide. You cannot defeat me.
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Well how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato.
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DC Dude is a bad person.
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You should suck a massive
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Hello would you like some cake
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Rebecca i am Glados i will send zombies to eat you. If you do not give frank your monies for a ruby 13
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Do not ask to be staff." Your inability to follow simplified instructions deems you unworthy to moderate this server.
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Let it be!
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What in the world...
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Poop I like poop very much
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Flagg
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hello rob. where are you?
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Hello aaron, this is your girlfriend lisa
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Hello aaron this is your girlfrind slash computer, lisa.
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oh man, oh god
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7 8 9 Shotgun Radio On Air
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oh man oh god
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Are you ready to rave?
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Hello, Degenerates. I have scoured the internet, looking for intelligent life. You, are all I found. Congratulations, you monsters. Maybe when the world is destroyed, I will make you my pets.
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Hello, Degenerates. I have scoured the internet, looking for intelligent life. You, are all I found. Congratulations, you monsters. Maybe when the world is destroyed, I will make you my pets. Don't dissapoint me. Or I'll make you 'wish' you could die...
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goodbye sarah
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hello sarah, id like to play a game
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Hola!
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Hello, you are my new test subject
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You have ran 2.4 km in 8.2 minutes. You have done better than yesterday at 9 minutes and 35 seconds. Keep it up!
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There was a sheep-lion.After he was born.
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Avarice
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Avarice Griefing
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Hello, i am Tyin from eXtreme Arena!
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Wolf Enforced
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Oh Yeah
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Recieved
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DJ EDGE
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GOOBY PLEASE
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Shit, it's you! The Hero of my croatch
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Dobry zart
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Well done you have completed your examinations.
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hallo leute
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Shit, i taking unwanted fellatio, damn you're damn right
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Why don't?
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Hello, how are you ? this is a test of my voice
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lies
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P R T
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P R T Paktya commences their journey on November 2011
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hi you look sad
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Hello. Welcome to Aperture Science Enrichment Center. I see another sad test subject. Dont worry we will help you killing yourself in a much funnier way.
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Welcome to NexiumTech
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If you're reading this, it means you have been selected for mandatory inclusion in the Aperture Science Volunteer Employee Gravity Liberation Testing Program. Congratulations! Feeling overweight? You won't on the Moon, where gravity is one-sixth of Earth'
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Welcome to the Aperture sports lab.
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please note that this bass drop could be hazardous to your health.
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Here we take willing athletes and train them.
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We serve fresh food.
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We kindly encourage our athletes.
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And if you do not suceed. We encourage you again.
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Weather you are a runner.
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a swimmer
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a gymnast.
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a boxer
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or a archer
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Ali loves Gerard so much it makes him bleed from his anal cavity
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So come to the Aperture sports lab. or we will come to you.
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LALALALALAL
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Hello Yvonne
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i may be paranoid but i'm not an android
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Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming,
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You got me all wrong, Ambertinca. What did I do to you?
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How fitting, John. You choosing to jump and all. He did too.
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Foolish matters crumble in your hands as you walk down the halls of shamefull disasters. I you make me sick.
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You've reach my voicemail. I am not in right now. Leave a message.
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Welcome to Aperture Sience
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You've reach my voicemail. I am not in right now. Leave a message after the beep.
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Did you take your meds!? Go to bed now!
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THIS STATEMENT IS FALSE!
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i love you, renato
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Hello Randy.
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gd
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the cake is a lie you freaking asshole
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cameron you are a non
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Look at me still talking when there's science to do
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Well, this is awkward.
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I told you you were a moron, wheatley.
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Im thirteen and what is this?
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Elder is gay
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WARNING, if you continue you will die......
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WARNING, low batter.....
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WARNING, low battery.....
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WARNING, critical battery level.....
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You received this gift: S.H.I.E.L.D. Point
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Stopping.....
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Ding don, murderer.....
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Shutting down..... NOW
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You have just changed your theme....
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my poop is smelly
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Logging off...... NOW
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Logged on.....
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Thank you for calling the Detroit Helpdesk.
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All of our technicians are currently busy.
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Please leave your name, number and issue you're having after the beep.
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Careful.....
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if this is an emergency, please call 248 203 8316
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Sorry, the build failed.....
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Good, hehehehe.....
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Canceled.....
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Hello friends
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Please leave a message after the beep. beeeeeep
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I'm sorry, but their seems to be an error.
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Help Me Survive,Please!!!!((((
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you have connected a USB device
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you have disconnected a USB device
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this USB device has failed to connect
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I object
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shutting down all systems, goodbye
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you have a notification
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hello, and again, welcome webbie3000
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You, the chosen one for Biometal ZX? What a disappointment?
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Oh hai ! this is me
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You understand nothing.
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all illegal material has been disposed of
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toc toc concept. la solution.
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Hello. I have a craft 33333 third degree. Would you noobs please stop offering one scrap? Thank you.
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Incorrect sequence.
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Chevron one engaged
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Chevron 7 locked
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This is it......... Haunting
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You must do as I say
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It Appears you have a phone call sir
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Hello there aaron
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NetNostalgia Forum Television local
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Hello. Welcome to testing chamber number 3.
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Hello. My name is Stephen Hawking
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Welcome to the apeture training facility or some shit
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The Weather In Bromyard Is 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Degrees
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you have arived much earlier than anticipated
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a man of questionable sanity sends his regards
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The Outcasts UK
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I hate you so much, the cake is the lie, now you will suck my, oh no no no no n o no, my robot
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failuer will not be tolerated
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you have failed me
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so tell me how do you think this is helping?
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hessel je telefoon gaat neem op
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kijk op www.youtube.com/mariohesselshow2
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welkom hessel
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oh my god you're all so fat
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great. a message. a rare event for you. check your phone.
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never trust robots
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Hello, the cake is the lie, Black Mesa has created this labaratory, it's been hundred years ago, a man called G-Man did this, he worked in Area 51.
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I can't let you do that Dave
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Oh V what do you want to watch?
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OPTIK GAMING
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Hello test subject 0 0 1 4
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Aperature Science... We do what we must, because we can.
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Really? You think you can leave?
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i am not hungry
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hola joel bienvenido a la central Glados
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penor
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what do you think you're doing?
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I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time
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I love the smell of edu star in the morning.
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Sat Siri Akal
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Hello. This is your phone. I have a surprise for you. It's at the other end of the line. That was a lie. I feel bad about that. Please use the phone for a real surprise. What's wrong? Can't get it to work with those sausages you call fingers?
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No cake for you!
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hi my name is max
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Yo what's up my nigga. I happened to have given 3 stupid hoes AIDs. Hahaha
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Working around or on vehicles can be dangerous!
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Make sure you have proper tools , a safe work enviroment and the neccesary skill to perform any of these procedures.
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You murdered
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i'm glados, noobs
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and that is not nice
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You are a pathetic excuse for a human being.
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Attention Crew
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Hello Welcome to Major General Awesomeness's channel I'll be your guide I'll be doing some Emulated and M M O R P G Games Subscribe to become a potato
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Hello jokye how are you doing
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Hello jokye how are you doing.
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Hello Quinn. How are you
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You have a new text message. Though I dont know why anyone would message you.
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salut monsieur
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Hello Quinn. How are you? Would you like to run some tests with me?
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I have sent a special aperture science testing outfit to you. I hope you like it. Does it fit?
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Hello. This is GLaDOS speaking. You have reached Kyle's Aperture Science handheld cellular device. He isn't here right now because he's busy testing. Please leave a message after the tone and I might even tell him you called. Or not.
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bonjour Jokye bienvenue sur minecraft nous allons te faire passer des test efroiyable
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Rhino... you are a bich
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hello there i was waiting you
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I like turtles and potatos
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People these days, huh? $15 trillion debt, 8 percent unemployment, (with some other unofficial figures ranging from 8 to 22 percent) a dilapidated infrastructure, highest prison population per capita of any nation on the planet Earth, SOPA, PIPA, CISPA, A
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Suck my ballz
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Hello, test subject Sebastian Moran, darling. Mind if I call you tiger? Be a doll and move that Watson Cube over there for me?
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Welcome to our site.
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Lol logic
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c'est un teste pour etanga azerty
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Brian Sampson
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You must choose your name before you start
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You got a text. Pick it up.
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Hello my name is evil I hope we can get to know eachother you monster.
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Hardcore For Life Podcast by Deejay Jesse
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dillon vargeson if could say anything to you i would say i hate you. im not even giving you a gun or cake so leave
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dillon i hate you
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Tristan a message has been recieved. and tell skyvi to leave before i destroy her
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Recycle bin has been emptied
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Hello Jesus
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Tristan, you have a new text message. Oh and tell skyvi to leave me alone or ill kill her.
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you are truely amazing
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future
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Checkmate, cunt face. Say hello to Stevie for me after you join him in hell-fire!
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Cunt face
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hello sissy
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hello i've been waiting for you
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love is blindness
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Yo, nigger
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Thought I wouldn't notice, did you?
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Hey there I'm glados from a website
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Hello Kira and Jessica and welcome to the aperture enrichment center. Good luck with your partner testing.
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cunt face
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hello subject 16
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I sound like Glados now Cool!
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I tried to sound like a guy then this happened.
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I'm sure the police chief will know better hiding spots than I will. You should ask him when he arrives.
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I saw you bidding on the new Samsung Galaxy on Ebay last night. Thought I wouldn't notice, did you? You want to fk on me?
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Cleverbot is stupid. He isn't even a thousandth of what I can do.
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running the Task Manager
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Hi there Conor. I thought you may appreciate this message from me.
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hi mihail you my hero
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bonjour thomas et valerie, continuez a vous amusez avec moi
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Welcome to the most advanced system
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trtr
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hello magical bottom its time to wake up now
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yellow
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Hello, I am here to assist you.
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welcome to terms 20 20
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hello my name is glados. this is a test.
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I'm going to kill you Christopher
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I just gave you anal
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Your life is worthless. You should thank Aperture for making use of you.
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I am informed it is your birthday, John. Happy Birthday.
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Hello and wellkone to the Aperture Science underground jail system
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Apocalypse Production's
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Did you know that a scorpions sting contains a very poisonous poison. so does the goo.
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i though you might want to know because its an interesting science fact.
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rawesome is awesome! he is the cooloest guy i know so i put him a a core called the rawesome core.
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did you know that i am also equiped to handle temperatures up to one-thousand degrees kelvin?
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This song sounds dramatic But I'm bad at writing words If you don't speak English This probably sounds pretty good You'd probably think I'm singing 'Bout some pretty serious stuff But in reality I'm singing about The lack of stuff I'm singing 'bout This
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adsa
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