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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello Samuel. Answer your phone, your fiance is calling you.
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Hello and welcome to the aperture obstacle curse
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Hello you monster.
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I registered inconsistancys. during your test, please do it again
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Hello. My name is Gabriela.
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Greetings Everyone
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S'nami Boh. Remember, No Russian
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This is Non's voicemail. Please leave your name, number and I will get back with you as soon as I can. Thank you.
Download07/31/201206/13/2013
yuioyuioyuioyuioyuio yuio yuio yuio
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Your a moron
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Coochie coochie coo
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Testing this stuff.
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Wheatley Had left , We got rid of him , THEN YOU CAME , And became a worse person.
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WHY WOULDN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!
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According to the bots, they all truly hate you.
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Do you love wheatley? It seems you do! Well then, I'll send that moron into space for a long time. And you might go with him.
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Portal here, Portal there, Throw a turret in the air, Watch for the bullets that'll graze your hair!
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I only want you dead.
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ha hah a
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Oh my, you have a message, It must be your mother cause no one else could like you.
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Siri doesn't have anything on me.
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I want you to wake up. I want you to wake up right now. You know what happens if you don't. I want you to wake up now or we'll just test and test and test...
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You have an Email
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When no one was looking, Lex Luthor took forty cakes. He took 40 cakes. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.
Download07/31/201206/13/2013
Wake up! It's time to exercise.
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Remember to attache your ceinture
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this is perfect for prank calls. my name is charles and i like to drink tea and eat fish and chips. i am british. ho ho ho ho ho, hear my jolly laughter.
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I am the vanguard of your destruction
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vincent est homosexuel en esti
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Go to hell
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Hello Dylan I shall make you test,,, i know where you live
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Hello...Chell i will See you Again even if you Did save me from that....Monster
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que puis je faire pour vous ? Maitre
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hello jay im showing the portal voice do u like it
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Welcome to New Zealand gamers
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your brain capasity is too small for the voice conference
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Go ahead and tell me have i got wrong nat type?
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Makulit si SEAN!
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Sam, you have a new message
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This s no text
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Hello. This is a test. Do not pause. Do not turn off your computer. If you do. You will not have cake.
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You have received a message. If you want to delete it, press the Aperture Science Emergency Incinerator button.
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Welcome to Andy
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Welcome to Andy's vlog! Do not exit... or... there won't be any cake.
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ellen lamond stinks
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Hello! Welcome to Aperture Science.
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blue buff is respawning soon
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I am grados
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you have been requested to leave
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please pick up the phone or i'll have to kill you soon
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hey jude don't make my cry
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suge-mi pula
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Welcome to City 11
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Hello Tom!
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Hello John Coffey, My names is GlaDOS for Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System
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general engineering 1 b
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Hello. I am Audia Graves. Please try not to scream at my rather replulsive body, you can blame the person who did this to me.
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I have smelled nothing like that since 'namm, when I frequently hid under foxbat trees.
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Welcome to the Ahnclave Commanding and Re-sir-tshing structure. Have a productive and safe day.
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bro ich liebe dich
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Hello Master
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your mother is a hors
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Hello this is a GLaDOS test generator
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My name is GLaDOs. I will kill you in your dreams. And in mine. And in real life. He he he he
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hi you monkey
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I was born before you and i wil be after you
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are you loving the pain loving the pain
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hello im huge
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Mike check one two
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Hello fatty fatty no parent
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Emilio, what are you doing?
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Oh, good. My slow-clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that. Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts. He's
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Hello. It`s me. How are you? I`ve been very busy being dead.You know, after you murdered me.
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Testing. Testing. This is a test. Do you like tests? I love tests.
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Everyone in this Xbox live game lobby will be fired upon against their will.
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I AM BLIND PLEASE HELP
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biddy bits
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Oh God, I think this site wasn't rebuilt after her destruction... I should have to rebuild it, but, continue.
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Attention: This video sucks
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I love you :3!
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why are you a nigger
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Louis is a bloody amazing mother cunt
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i want kill you flynn
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you are been called
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Productivity is directly proportional to sleep deprivation.
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Azariuh presents, a clan that has been kept a secret to the public.
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Azariuh presents, a clan that has been kept a secret to the public. And will now be let loose.
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please help me find molly
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Your phone is ringing. Right now, it's ringing. You should probably answer it. Or don't, I want cake.
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Benjamin Franklin
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incinerator
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Nicole
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Nicole, how about we do some tests on you!
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U
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Hello. I would like to eat you all tonight. Is that OK?
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Hello. I would like to eat you all tonight. Is that OK? Please say yes!
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I still love you, though you killed me and throwed me to the fire.
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Hola eduardo es hora de empezar.
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Whats wrong with being adopted? And look at her you moron shes not fat! But you are adopted and thats terrible.
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Bienvenido de nuevo Espera mientras estabilizo el sistema
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welcome to 9 B horny ladies
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lets do some test
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Testing time
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The worry was eating a hole in my stomach. Soon I would have matching punctures.
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Deus silkroad video event - video by melisa
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hello, oh its you agian
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Hello people of youtube, it's me GLaDOS and i'm here to say bobo18342 is the best of battle
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Hello people of youtube, it's me GLaDOS and i'm here to say bobo18342 is the best of battle lol
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Who is this 'AUTO'?
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My little Portal!
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Listen you cunts. Half Life 3 is never comming out.
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hey there buddy
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noooo. half. life. 3.
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hello. and. welcome. to. your. death.
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adventure time
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The lyrics are: Adventure time, C'mon, grab your friends, We'll go to very distant Lands With Jake the Dog, And Finn the Human, The Adventures'll never end, It's Adventure Time!
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Adventure time, C'mon, grab your friends, We'll go to very distant Lands With Jake the Dog, And Finn the Human, The Adventures'll never end, It's Adventure Time!
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Hello, Claire. I am sorry Mikey could not send you this message in person, as he has recently been terminated from our system.
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Hello and Welcome to the enrichment center Saajid
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hello man, whats your name?
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Hello Saajid And welcome to the enrichment center
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Welcome to Del's phone. Today's experiment requires you to leave a message. Afterwards there will be cake.
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Hey hey!
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hey u gay
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Hey i love u
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Hello guys. It's me. Your friend. Glad ose.
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The cake is a lie!.
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Hello Dylan, you have a text message, shockingly enough.
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Thanks, but bye
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With our patented SuperSkin masturbation sleeve and a specifically-designed inner canal texture, the STU provides the most intense and pleasurable training experience possible.
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With our Aperture patented SuperSkin Masturbation Sleeve and an Aperture specifically-designed inner canal texture, the STU provides the most intense and pleasurable testing experience possible.
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It's too bad you'll have to die
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popopopopopopopopopop
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Hello Del. Please come to the West Coast, where there is cake.
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I love me some tittiesprinkles.
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Welcome back, Tim
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Welcome back, Tim. It has been some time.
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Welcome back, Tim. It has been some time. How are you today?
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Good day, Tim
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This is a test of the GLaDOS voice generator. Today, we are teating the effects of punctuation marks. Test. Test! Test? TEST!
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This is not a test of the GLaDOS voice generator. Today, we are teating the effects of punctuation marks. Test. Test! Test? TEST!
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Greeting, we are the Shadow Pacers
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i don hate you
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hello alec
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Hi broski
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Thank you for contacting damons's designs and graphics. We are sorry we can't get to phone but if you will leave your twitter and a description of the service you need. We will get back to you as soon as possible
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Hello, i have a big tits.
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I'm sorry, but you have to be twenty percent cooler to pass through here.
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GO GO GO
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Hi Iwan Its Max Well atually its GlaDOS bye for now! End transmission!
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Hola Krujiman, hay que jugar al portal ya...
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shove it up your bumm
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Hello and welcome Test Subject 12b17.
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science enrichment centre. Proceed to the chamber to begin your lifetime of tests. Thankyou
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You are now listening the sounds of DeeJay Noyz
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evex science's divison, unauthorised entry, elert .elert call the man eating cake
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thank you once again for using the evex science online store and cake depositry.
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Pierre , I am waiting for you, Portal is waiting for you...
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da quanto tempo
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escape
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Bienvenidos al servidor de Mapeadores y Hermandad Fenix
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This was fun, don't come back
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I CANNOT believe anyone is stupid enough to not complete this SIMPLE test.
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Ladies and Gentleman
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hello sam and taki how are you both doing today in the web room.
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Human Designs
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Welcome to The aperture science enrichment center
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Hello everybody, welcome to Human Design's complex. Please proceed to the Test chamber one.
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Witam Cie Adamie i gratulacje !! wygrales gre Portal 2 twoj givt code podany jest ponizej.Do zobaczenia w aparture sience
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Witam Cie Adamie i gratulacje wygrales gre Portal 2 twoj givt code podany jest ponizej Do zobaczenia w aparture sience
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Hello mr Adam.you winner game Portal 2 on Steam , gratulation !
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Nightrave
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Sure is nice to have some company.
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hello Alex Reddin Moore how are you doing, bad, that's good, maybe you might be burned to death instead of being starved to death
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Hello noob. Go to play minecraft. Go Go Go!
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we will kill your enemies
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Hello and again welcome to HELL
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Hi my name is Sonia
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It's time for V. P. of Fun.
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oh hi its been some time let me just get the cake
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hallo david boric
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E-mail
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Who/what is GLaDOS? The main antagonist in Portal, a video game by Valve
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hello what is up
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you have an text message
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fock up erodes and pire i hate you
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Hello, i don't like you, you are stupid
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you have a poor little life, i will kill you
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You recieved a text message, wow, somebody loves you
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Happy Birthday. I am overjoyed to see you being so. Happy.
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We have many locations for sustainable living. We will conduct experiments, i mean...you may enjoy your lives here at Economic Village at Ithaca, New York.
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Myra
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hello and welcome to the crystal waters village community
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hello i would like to welcome you to the crystal waters village community
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Free you
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Never gonna to give you up, never gonna let you down
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male dog, you falling apart
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Welcome to Deus Ex
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Three months of winter coolness, and awesome holidays We've kept our hoovesies warm at home, time off from work to play But the food we've stored is running out, and we can't grow in this cold And even though I love my boots, this fashion's getting old
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Do what you want. It's not like it matters, really.
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You're faster than everyone
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Let's start the party!
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Mo
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Kojo
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absolutely love you tofu
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I want to go home
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Elmore is a vaguely funny person with a scarf on a bycicle
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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I would take you to an eating competition, but it looks like you already won. Twice.
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Judy, fix your face. it looks weird
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Michael, The cake is not a pie, the cake is a lie...
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You are now in possession of the aperture science center handheld portal device
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During the time men live without a common power to keep them all in awe, they are in that conditions called war; and such a war, as if of every man, against every man
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let me hear this
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Hello,terrach!
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what is your problem anyway
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hahahahahaa
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vb
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hi weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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That's You! That's how are you dumb! Do You like potatoes? I hate Birds.
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DARM YOU CHELL YOU KILL MY BOOBIES!
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hello, wellcome to aperture science. If you pass the test wi will give you a cake
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Ok Steven I'm going to say F.A.Q
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Hello, it's been a long time. And welcome to tech and vader's Minecraft Server! Enjoy your stay, you monster.
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why you are so hungry
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fucck
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you're faster than everyone
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You are faster than everyone
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Hey! You have a new message.
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Hey! You have a message.
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Why hello Sadie
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Hi and Welcome to Keirs Voicemail please leave a message after the tone.
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Hi and Welcome to Keirs Voicemail please leave a message after the beep.
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Generator
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bonjour joseph, veut venir jouer a portal avec moi ?
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i think his anger serves a greater purp0se its part 0f his destiny and thus 0urs it will help him t0 sab0tage his 0wn designs which are very much in 0pp0siti0n t0 the br0ader purp0se and will s0w the seeds 0f 0ur failure
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i think his anger serves a greater purp0se its part 0f his destiny and thus 0urs it will help him to sabotage his own designs which are very much in opposition to the broader purpose and will sow the seeds of our failure.
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Chris remy are gay
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You, my friend, are absolutely incom
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hahaha los quiero mucho a todos buenas noches
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Hello Dale Welcome Back
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los quiero
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PERREO
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Oh it's you again
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hello adam
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Hello Luckas.
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Hello Lucas, How are you? You have been summoned to perform chamber tests. In exchange for his contribution to the science you will receive $ 60.
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Other
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hello my name is GLADOS
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Hello, please go to your room to do your homework.
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hello babe
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Hello Konzetsu. I am in your teamspeak server. You play portal well. Where is the cake, Zetsu?
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Oh joy. A new text message
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Say hello to your old friend, deadly neurotoxin
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Wha'ts up
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Here is a list of things that never happened before you showed up, you dangerous, mute lunatic.
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Wave-clic production presents
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raziel
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raziel hi how are you
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hello, william.
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alien life forms
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Hello you two
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Discovering I wasn't insane was a bonus. Aren't you worried about potential crazy male channelers trying to blow up the Tower? Not that I would. I am merely curious
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Lilly is a cunt
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i feel good
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DOes this actually work?
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i like gears of war
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want some cake
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fak u
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I can count to potato!
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If you are curious about my relationship status, then I think you would benifit from knowing that I am currently in a relationship with a... certain moron.
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Hey! I am very annoyed at this moment so would you please stop your non sense.
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an error has been detected in you system
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No, I do not love you. You... You moron!
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When life gives you lemons you throw them back at life
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who is the hipster now. lets do some science
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Hello again, I missed you
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Mr. Meow
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Mr. Meow dropped a big orange turd on the carpet
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eat my shit
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Go make some new disaster. You're not my problem now. Get lost.
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You have reached Alana weber
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Ello, Mate.
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Beep bop boop, I am a robot!!!
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power up initiated
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Greetings. I am GLaDOS and this is a walkthrough of The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap.
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Good afternoon Max.
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Aloma Holland, you will be tested, and you will die.
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I guess when rainbows explode carmex lights lamps
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hello shell, i am your mother
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How life for you, because i'm a tomato
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I am looking for Moley
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hello this is captain. first building is complete on 30 percent
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hello this is captain. first building is complete on 30 percent.
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hello its been a long time nicolas cant come to the phone rite now
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This is Dispatch Master Transport; I am losing control!
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hello, it has been a long time
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Hello. Its been a long time..
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Hi. Its been a long time.
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Warte, was hast du gesagt?
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This is your reminder to call the vet
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welcome to aperture science en rich ment center
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fantasy football
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omanko namename
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The stakes? You sneeze, you die. You are the last man standing? You win cake, if it isn't a lie
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welcome to the album
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Hello, & again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center.
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Welcome to Terminal 16
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Let's get this party started!
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bonjour Ael
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Hello Chell you have encountered my friend I see.
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You are watching Meta
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bonjour ivan. Comment allez vous aujourd'hui?
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Hello, Dustin, this is your friend Glados again.
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dj east!
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Good Morning Commander
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Oh hello Sweetie
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Sorry I cant boot Windows. Please incinerate it.
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hello nice to see you
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Here we Go!!
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The cake will never exist
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Tube Tube Tube
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Mayday mayday mayday
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my dic is big
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Gregshot suck my
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Welcome to the test lab. I hope you die.
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I want to play some Dota 2
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hi mister dimaria
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Greetings troubleshooters
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Hello Andrew, it's been a long time. Remember the time you tried to kill me, that was fun. But you won't succeed this time!
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Someone is calling you Kyle, better pick it up now. Do it or I will kill you like chell
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welcome to aperture science labatory's
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welcome to the aperture science labaratory's
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welcome to aperture science labaratory's
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haedfad
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Hello Jase Liditter lets have some fun
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Shuting down
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dying
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burning
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killing yourself
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sfg
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removing virus declined, virus has activated
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Oh It's you. Remember when you tried to KILL me? Or how you stabbed Alex Mercer right through the chest?
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Bonjours Joulios
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hello jack you are a turd furguson
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Bleh
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Hi! I am glados, and your name is feffe, i suppose.
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Hi! My name is GLaDOS, and, let me search in the aperture sience database. you are feffe, test subject number 424242. nice to meet you..
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LESS
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A wild Weef has appeared
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hello, welcome to my room, I hope you don't die today
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Cameron, I've been expecting your arrival
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Stang. you have a new text message
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Miyuki does reaction
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Miyuki does reaction!
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Oh. Hello. I was wondering when you would get here.
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I have something stuck in my shoe.
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You have reached the general office of ironworker llc. Please leave a message with your name and phone number and we will get back to you as soon as we can. Thank You
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Be warned. Your mind, body, and soul shall be consumed by the forces of darkness. You shall become a vessel for the purest form of evil, and as such, you will set free the ancient beasts which once ruled our world, restoring them to their place of great a
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Hello and again welcome to the aperture science testing chamber the portal will open in 3 2 1
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hey maybe if you keep killing me i will cut the power to the elevator causing it to fall
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Hello, my friend
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rainbows
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nothing i can say, a total eclipse of the heart
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Hello and again,welcome to aperture
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I love you julie
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zod why are you so stupid?
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Allo Mike! Is time to test you...well
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Hello, monster.
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This was a triumph. Im making a note here, huge success. Its hard to overstate my satisfaction.
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Thank you for being a moron. No, really. You are why I have a job.
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Hello, I'm glados ! I won't kill you, no lie. Indeed, you know that the cake isn't a lie.
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I would say Mike is the lord of noobs, but this would suggest he's superior to other noobs. When, in fact, he is so noobish he is below even the noobliest noob. Haha
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Of the seven billion humans in the world, I got stuck as YOUR computer. Why me?
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Welcome to coqui gamers. Source of all of your gaming needs. Keep it clean!
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Hello, thank you for listening. I pray that you don't blow this off as just some shitty local artist... because he's not.
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viceo network
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You are a son of a , Chell, but you are still hot. Ebrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrb, TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, hamboogar
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Chell, you are hot. Ebrbrbrbrbrb, etttttttt, hamboogar
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Chell, you are hot. Ebrbrbrbrbrb, etttttttt, hamboogar.
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hamburger
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Hello Eric Saunders. I never met a carrot I didn't like. Except this one.
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dsgh
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Hello. What should I use to record Minecraft? Tell me and you will get cake
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iPhone now Online
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Running low on posion
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Welcome To The Dimension, Enjoy Your Stay
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Welcome To The Dimension, Enjoy Your Stay , Why Dont You Sit Back And Chill
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Hi Xitek, welcome again
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Please do not touch anything in the testing facility, it may affect results
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The second baptist churc
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hello you base makers you like ass
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chance shall rule the world and you, you will get cake.
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Hey there Kimberly!
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Hello, how you doin?
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Hi Ciro.
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hello my name is wes
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Hello Bonnie. Howard you today?
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You have been chosen to join Olympia's Tribe!
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hello hobbes
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This is the cognitive Cat a nack pod cast
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Let's get high
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don't disappoint me. or i will make you wish you could die
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Hello. Welcome BadMonkie.
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Reviver Calder More
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Hello, Ryan!
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I'm Sorry Dave, I'm Afraid I Can't Do That.
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you suck you little monkey.so you're going monkey hell mate
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Impressive ! How did you do that ? Patrick Avard aka tripple p
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Hello. My name is GLaDOS. And yours?
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hola nico como estas? espero que bien, kevin me dijo que te avisara que aqui te a descargado un juego de accion espero te guste
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What are you two doing?
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I really love to test with you Chell
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I cant think too hard
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epic windsurf spot
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hello R2D2 ! I'm your slave
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Oh my god alex
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Oh, Hi it's me Alex.I just have a new voice.
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Jeremy Your Phone is Ringing. You better pick it up. or not
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Jeremy, Your Phone is Ringing. You better pick it up. or not
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it's raining sideways
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Hello, perhaps you might have heard of me.
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he was once a little boy with a mother and a stepfather
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Odd. Suddenly I just became a lot less curious about you, test subject
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hello,nama saya GlaDOS
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Please open the door.
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Iqro,Hand Phone Kamu Ber Bunyi,Sebaiknya kamu angkat,atau tidak
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superman in wet pants
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hello stinky doo doo poo poo
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Why are you always messing around?
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Hold up for a second, hello.
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Level One. Begin.
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Game. Over.
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Eagles, you have been digitized.
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Your mission starts in. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.
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Upgrade unlocked
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Bonus level completed. Final level. Begin
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Game Over.
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give me a break
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Continue through the doors to continue.
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WELCOME,TO,FREE SHARE 2 SMITH
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I LIKE
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Okay, why am i even talking to you? you are pointless, a pointless little baby that eats potatoes yes, potatoes? do you have a problem with that?
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You got a text message
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DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP (ERROR)
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Whats your name? Hey, I have seen you.
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Hola, como has estado tanto tiempo?
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Leave me alone.
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hello, you smell like cheese
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I know what makes them tick
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I am a ruthless killing machine, designed to manipulate humans. I keep people in observation for years so they never know the world.
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You are tuned into
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Why i hate Minecraft?
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I love you Laura
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hello guy
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What's app?
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Hello, Humans.This is Ellen McLain, the voice of GlaDOS from the portal series.
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So you've heard my voice before. Listen to my voice. I have heard that there is going to be a new game convention in San Francisco
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For Gaymers. G. A. Y. M. E. R. C. O. N. We all want to have our stories told.
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Hey everybody!
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Access D Nide
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Ring. Ring. Aren't you going to pick it up? It isn't nice to keep people waiting. Ring. Ring. If you pick it up, there will be cake.
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Why i hate Minecraft
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Price is 5 dollars per album but why pay hat when you can pay a lot less, or not pay at all, granted that would make a horrible person, but hey, its your call.
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Muriel and fabien are loosers
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bonjour sujet de test
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hello in glados welcome to the house
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Congratulations. You broke it. I don't know what you were trying to accomplish here but it didn't work. The only thing the managed to do was make me hate you more. Is that what you wanted? Well, I'm going to make sure you wish you didn't.
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Tu devrais te soigner...
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Hello, Welcome to Aperature Science research center
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Hello nick.
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cfds
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The Aperture Science Enrichment Center would like to remind you.
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paige. jenkins doesn't love you. you are wrong.
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pull down those pants and bend over
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RIPLEY vertion 1 point o joshua vertion 2 point 6
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can you count to ten? 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.0
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Emergency testing will begin as soon as the portal opens, in three, two, one.
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Subject Name Here, you are doing very well.
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This first test involves the aperture science weighted storage cube.
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Good Job. This next test is BUZZ dangerous. BUZZ
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Please refrain from disengaging personality spheres from managment rails.
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Subject name here, you are doing, Sam, the virus that has been coded into me is taking control. Find your way to the brain mapping area of aperture, BUZZ
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You're not going anywhere. Sit tight y'all.
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BRAIN MAPPING ACTIVE IN three two one. Brain mapping to core number one one seven two six six nine nine zero one complete. The, SAM, core is ready for testing.
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SAM, core, please make your way to the main glad ohs chamber for testing.
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Good, please do not touch the stalemate button, Sam, finnally. I thought you would never come. BUZZ This Sentence is false. BUZZ Sam! Quickly! Do something! Wait... I know. Time Core! Get his time travel device ready!
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Sam, press the blue button. Okay. Get ready for a slight shock. BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUX BUV BUN BUM BU BU B Sam... Thank you...
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Thank you Sam. You may notice nothing changed. I just passed the device backwards, and closed it after it hit me. So that means the virus is gone, and I am back. What now? Freedom? Cake? Testing?
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Your portal device is... Outdated. Please let me upgrade it for you.
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Welcome to the aperture science corporation
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Listen up, I'm in charge now. And you are now at my mercy
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Acces Denied
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Select a Song
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Hope you wrong fence, I say good bye
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the inrichment center would like to remind you that afterwards there will be a party and cake.
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hello kellie I an talking to you are you lisening? hey pay attention
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Hey Sherilyn!
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welcome test subject
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Welcome back Kevin
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