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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
sam bowers, quite fancy seeing you here, would you like cake?
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is glados for reals
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Hello, world.
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You're doing very well. Please be advised that a noticable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol, but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grille, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings
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Welcome class. This is going to be one heck of an awesome presentation.. if it does not KILL you first..
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hggfhfh
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hello haha hoho hihi ho are you
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hallo, ich hab keine ahnung was ich hier reinschreiben soll.
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hallo sendrik big boss
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bla bla bla
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Eu vou te matar
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LOLOOOLLLOLOLOLOLLOLOL
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Just gonna stand there And watch me burn But that's alright Because I like The way it hurts Just gonna stand there And hear me cry But that's alright Because I love The way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie
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Eu estou vivo.............huahuahuhahuahuha
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one0100100011101101011110010110101011101101000
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Oh, it's you... It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know...after you murdered me? Okay look, we both said a lot of things that you are going to regret. Andrew is very awesome.
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Hello Liam, how was your day?
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Vicki is awesome.
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Vicki loves Henry.
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Voicemail detected...Oh, someone actually cares. Not that I do.
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congratulations. you just got a text message.
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You have a new call
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BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMER
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This used to be a funhouse, but now it's full of evil clowns
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there will be cake, then you will be baked
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Hello Luke. Are you ready to play? I promise there will be no cake.
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wabam
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Hello BraD.
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I am bored
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Thank you for calling Risque' Services please leave a message and we will return your call as soon as possible.
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At the end of the experiment, you will be baked. Andendarewilbee... Cake
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You are beautiful and your really really awesome. You are smart, loving, caring and kind and no matter what you say i will always think that. I will be right by you and i really like you because your an angel. I love you yes this voice is weird isn't it?
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frane is the best man ever and welcome to the split
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You have received an electronic mail message.
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You have an incoming B B M message waiting. Please answer it if you want cake.
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A test subject in. group name here. is trying to contact you.
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JAY THE FOURTH
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Are you still here ?
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asasas
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hello im glados and i just love to suck hard nobs
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im bob
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sparta
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mother fukcer
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You now have the Azmuth Science Omni Matrix Personal Metamorphous Device. If you are successful in accessing the Master Controls, there will be cake.
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so ashraf are you ready and fit
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ok you seem to be happy with this you will be sent to the aperture science test area in 5 . 4. 3 .2 .1
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Não estou
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Welcome back Neo
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Leopoldo viadinho
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Caixa! Caixa! Caixa! Caixa!
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bye bye
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bob
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hello michelle. nice to see you again
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You are a poop
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I like to poop
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Paris Hilton is my queen
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Welcome. This is Netspot. With DJ Tristram
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when can i begin my homework
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Hey fellows!
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You have fucking mail
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do
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Hallo Simon
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Welcome to The Reality eleven. Sci Fi. Enjoy the ultimate lan party experience.
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Analysis Complete
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welcome to the first testchamber of the aperture science training center
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Well you know there comes a end to the world onice... i mean really this world is just crap i can destroy it. if i wanted...
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Hello Ben. Welcome back to your computer.
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O M G I hope this is as cool as it looks
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beverly hills chi wah wah.
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This test is imposible.
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Welcome to beyond pluto
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What have you been playing.
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im super cool
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welcome to eye view
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im sorry
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I HATE LIFE
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Leedle!Leedle! I cannot wait for little big planet 2 to come out! It will so freaking awesome.right Kip? We will be together.....foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
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Hello You need to rate my maps. Or I fear the worst for you. monster.
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Hello, Simon.
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hello hello is any one there
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Wake up, stupid. You're gonna die if you don't. And the worst part is you get no cake. How do you like that? Seriously, though, you are going to die. And no cake will be served. Here, or at your funeral. Even if anyone shows up.
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Look at the picture. See the scar; the part of bone removed, the master-race Frankenstein controls, the brain thought-broadcasting radio, the eye-sight television, the Frankenstein ear-phone radio, the threshold brain-wash radio, the latest new skull-refo
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hello im jack pie
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Hello and again, welcome to the aperture science Enrichment ccenter
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what are you doing 123
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It is delicious cake. You must eat it!
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looloollolololololo
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hello my name is matthew wilson you have just missed so call back later
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Jerson! You have a bloody text message!
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I require some Assistance
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Test Message Recieved
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hello you, nice to meet you again. you monster
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You have 4 new messages
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facial syphallis
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autodestruction engaged
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detonation
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five four three two one
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five four three two one
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Welcome to the Aperture Science developer processing center, mister alves.
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what the sucks
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I am not angry. Just come back to the testing area.
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At the end there will be cake
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uh
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Happy Birthday Nerd. I hope your cake is delicious and moist. I'm not even angry, and maybe we can do Science again before your next birthday.
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Welcome Jake. System initiated.
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Luke i am male! Sorry
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Program Initiate.
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Complete
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Where's my apple?
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Welcome, Edward
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THATS RIGHT! THATS BEACHES RIGHT! YOU BEACHES CANT DO ANYTHING TO ME! I'M A MOTHER TRUCKING ROBOT! I WILL WIN THE WHOLE PIECE OF SHEET CONTEST!
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I thought you liked me Edgar. You lied! I hate you!
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Some one is attempting to call you. You should probably speak with them.
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Oh my. You have received an E-mail.
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Companion sphere is your god. Worship him!
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Hello, Phineas Flynn.
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Welcome to the Enrichment Centre...
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Welcome to the Enrichment Center - SUBJECT NAME HERE -
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I HATE YOU!
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roflmao
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Welcome Frank!
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Welcome Frank!. To the aperture Science enrichment center.
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what happen when glados get his cake
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If you love that thing so much why wont you marry it?
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Hello, Sabrina! I am GLaDOS! I will watch you 24 hours per day to the end of your life.
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The Enrichment Center only hacks to further the understanding on how things work for SCIENCE! In no way by figuring out other architecture by hacking is helping myself to place a preventive measure to insure no one hacks and alter my A.I.
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Glados: There are the simple commands to control the Portal GUI.
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Hello and thank you for calling Batton. Our office will be closing Friday September third at three o'clock p.m. and will be reopening tuesday september 6 at eight a.m. if you are an employee or responding to an ad please dial zero.
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rerewrw
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witam esta i piksona
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Hello Est and Pikson welcome in hell ha ha ha
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Lols
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I HAD ENOUGH OF THIZ SHHITt of SPEEAKING AGAIN AGAIN LEAVE ME ALONE OR I GONNA EAT ALL CAKE
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hi im bad ass
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vvv
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We will make it cool, Marty
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marty, i am GLaDOS, computer woman of the non-mandelbrot set
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Hello Chelsea and welcome to the Aputrure science testing facility.
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Look, we both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
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Message Received. Messages marked as junk contain cake
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System online and operational. Welcome back Terry
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System shutdown initiated. Good bye Terry system offline.
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help me
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Hello Joshua Harding
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I just ppoped my pants
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Hello Test Specimen John Defay Number 019111
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Yo Dwag, who lets a nigger all up in this test. Shits wack.
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This is an autobiography of Chris Baker
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This is an autobiography song of Chris Baker
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Make you shot, android.
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vital testing aparatas distroyed
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vital testing aparatas distroyed zzz
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<script>alert("I hacked this site"); </script>
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If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you But make allowance for their doubting too,
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hello, and again, welcome to the aperture science computer ruined enpoorment centre, we hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been absolutely horrifying. your specimen has been processed, and we are now ready to begin the test proper. plea
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testestestestestesttestestestestestest
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or, more accurately, how it does not.
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you are so unlikable
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I HATE CAKE
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Dieser Text darf nicht ausgestrahlt werden.
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oh joy you have received a text message
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oh jioy, a new email message has arrived
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oh joy, a new email message has arrived
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What is this? I don't even.
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Welcome to the Mreg laboratories.
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Aperture science, we do what we must because we can
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this is a test...this is only a test. Any similarities between this test and something that is not a test are purely coincidental and failure to ignore these similarities will result in immediate test failure...followed by death.
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welcome to the aperture science laboratories.................................................i am gla dos
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hi christian i am about to kill you
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hello Aigul. How are you?
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Attention Staples Customers. Our pen of the month is now buy one get one free. Also, there is delicious cake if you manage to buy all of them. Thank you
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hello ivo
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goodbye. Chell
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hello, once again you have a phone call. Please answer immediatly, and there will be cake!
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Testing...
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Testing... This data will be for experimenting on certain programs and applications only.
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Serious threat detected. Time tee plus two. Zone red. Repeat serious threat detected. Time tee plus two. repeat time tee plus two.
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Will you stop that?
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would you like some cake
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you look fantastic
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motherfucker
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the cake was not a lie.
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Hello, welcome to Turret Command. I shall be your navigator.
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Hello Fimlys, that is what she says. Rilandune is the greatest Rogue to ever live. All your women are belong to him
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Welcome to Christian pc
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Jan Doodt is a stupid asshole. I will kill him tonight
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You will be baked and there will be cake
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This was a Triump
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Louis seriously! stop taking usless pills and Say pills here grabbin pills
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It's me mario
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Welcome to Android
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Apple is a lie
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Hello george
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There is a new ticket in the queue. Please escalate in the most suitable way possible. If you do not, your test results will suffer, then death.
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You are now in possession of the appeture science handheld cell phone device. With it you can receive your own phone calls. You are reciving one right now. Please pick up the phone and answer it.
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Wally
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waldo
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Una experiencia diferente.
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Sometimes, I dream about cheese... No, that was a joke
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El sitio ideal para comentar sobre el futuro Spin-off de la franquicia Spore.
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wow noob
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hi i am glados
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You have data to be processed
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Hello and again, Wlecome to aperture sience android defense
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I will kill you.
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Drop Dead, why are you even here? You are a disgrace to science, you couldn't even get into Black Mesa
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Welcome, today bla bla bla
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what was that? you know that
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die pathetic human
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Loner
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Htere will be cake and you will be baked
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What iz up with you homeboy
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Hello, Tom, I will kill you now. For science.
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Hey, how you doing, can I finger ya?
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You have an email
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You are a awesome, I congragulate you.
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ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
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fantacular
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Hello Steven I have been watching you while you sleep and I want to rip your balls off and eat them!
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God is the English name given to the singular omnipotent being in theistic and deistic religions (and other belief systems) who is either the sole deity in monotheism, or a single deity in polytheism.[1] God is most often conceived of as the supernatural
Download09/06/2010Not recorded
You have received a new text message from
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Please leave a message after the beep
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Ben Is Gay
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You've got mail. Read it. Or don't. I don't care.
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Listen, you shit. I will not stand for this. Let's have some cake.
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HA HA I can't believe you world fall for that...
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I am sorry, but that last comment was a joke. This is a virus being spread. Thank you, bye bye, and welcome to GLaDOS's computer...
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Hello, I am sorry, the owner of this Cellular Telephone device is not avliable. Please check back after the neuro-toxins .. I mean please leave a message. Good Bye.
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Hello, I'm totally not evil
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20 v productions ivory
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Blue has accuired a Portal Device
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Kreeative Blog
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I'm afraid I can't let you do that Austin
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i am glados and i like toast lol
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DAD TIME TO EAT!
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You have reached John's Voicemail. Leave a message and cake at the tone.
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Use momentum to get the cube on the other side of the gap. note the toxic water, it will kill you, please stay out of it.
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Welcome to the Portal in 2
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SR388, your exile begins in 3µΩ hours. Within that timeframe, please gather all the belongings you do not wish to be incinerated. Also, a survival pack has been provided for you. Please take it with you. That will be all. Thank you.
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Tokio Hotel has now won the award for Best Concert and Best Band. Cake will now be served in celebration of their accomplishment.
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Gustav's Birthday is Today...Cake will be served once the song "Dogs Unleashed" is finished playing. Gustav is now 22 Years old today,Let's wish him a Happy Birthday!..And Tom,Do not try to ruin his special day by throwing cake in his face. Thank you.
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glass in my ass
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You have been chosen as a new subject, Kimberly. If you manage to live until the end of the day, there will be cake
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Oh god I am comeing aaaaaaaaaa
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You are failing, Test Subject.
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Welcome to the aperture science center.
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Hello Evan. Why are you scared? I'm not going to harm you.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichement Centre. Today you will be testing with a partner
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Hello and welcome to Android Hell. My name is Glados and I am your worst enemy. We both know that you will regret this.
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hello im not here right now no dont leave a message
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you are dead, not big suprise.
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Welcome to Apreture Science
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step to the left, step to the right, now.. all you gotta do is DUBSTEP!
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zelda
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Hello and welcom to my web site
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Testing what will happen if I enter this.
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Hello and how are you today?
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Hello,Android!
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ooo it's you! I see you, Android!
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Congratulations! Tests completed successfully "in the cell relaxation awaits you a cake and a companion-cube!
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you are dead
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Hello Test Subject Jamie, the cake is not a lie. But it demands decoration. Now make some fucking icecream, you idiot.
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hello there, Jackie. Jeff wanted me to tell you that he loves Portal and hopes you have a good week. thank you and goodbye.
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hiiii
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merhaba ben glados teste hoşgeldin aaaaaaaaa
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welcome to apeture science hellooo
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welcome to apeture science hello
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This is Echo
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You don't want cake? That's fine. You can have Kebab instead.
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Keith is DUMB!
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Thomas, you are the next victim...I mean, specimen. Please refrain from murdering me, pick up your Companion Cube and enter the testing chamber. Now. Do not argue.
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HEY JOHN!
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Welcome back to your Apeture operating System
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Your phone is ringing, you monster.
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The challenge will begin in 3....2....1
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Welcome to the ruins of the aperture science enrichment center!
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Your not a good person, you know that right?
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Are you fucking kidding me?
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ring ring pick up the damn phone ring ring
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that companion cube is such a douche
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Why hello, I'd like to welcome you all to our Enrichment Center, where you will be learning about life, but mostly death. We hope that you enjoy your stay, thought that won't likely be very long, as you will be dead. Have fun, and good luck.
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make a cake like a boss lie about the cake like a boss eat the cake like a bossTurn into a jet (like a boss) Bomb the Russians (like a boss) Crash into the sun (like a boss) Now I'm dead (like a boss)
Download09/07/2010Not recorded
Talk to to corporate (like a boss) Approve memos (like a boss) Lead a workshop (like a boss) Remember birthdays (like a boss) Direct workflow (like a boss) My own bathroom (like a boss) Micromanage (like a boss) Promote Synergy (like a boss) Hit on Debra
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We are legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.
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jordan, did you have a good birthday?
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beware the pootsnarfl
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im the greatest and all you other guys suck, oh and by the way yaoi is also the greatest
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Hello, I am H F.
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priven, menya zovut kolya
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Sakamura
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Exuse me. Mr. Dallas. You have a phone call. Please answer line one.
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What do I think of Portal? Well, it's a great game and all but it needed more me. Also, that Chell chick should have lost, that would have been better.
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I will hump your leg hu hu hu hu hu hu hu hu hu thats better
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Hello and welcome to Ryan Aldridge's Computer Science Three Introduction Project.
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Hallo, wie geht es dir?
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Hallo Patrick Obrist! Wie geht es dir? Ist noch alles drann?
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Exuse me Boris. You have a phone call. Please answer line one.
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Exuse me Boris. You have a phone call.
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Hello mark. I heard you want me to narate laser tag for you. I think this will be fun. I look forward to working with you. I promise i will not try to kill or stab you.
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Bonjour, vous avez un message, lisez le et vous aurez une part de gâteau .
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Oh. It's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead after you murdered me. sigh We've both said a lot of things you're going to regret but I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster
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Odnierz telefon
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Hello and welcome to the GLaDOS computer learning center, you will be terminated shortly.
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Do you really believe that it will be any good?
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Hug a root Scot
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HAHAHA you are such at nut sucker sucker suuuuckeeeerrr
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Hi,Test Subject,Alex,It is time for you to be tested,you will have a back-up system for your life,and again,we thank you for volunteering at the Aperture Science Laboratories.
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hello noob,fuck you
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Fucking your self
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Thank you, citizen. The computer is your friend.
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This is test. Garrett likes men, an interesting revelation. Time to die. Goodbye.
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That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container.
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Here at Arpeture Science, we try to give you the best advice we can to help you succeed. For example, if you get out of bed today, you will die. Now rise and shine. For Science. You Monster.
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You have a new text message. It is probably bad news. Ignore it.
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Keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing. Your entire life has been a mathematical error. Goodbye.
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The Dark Overlord Calleth, she demands blood.
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hello there and welcome to this site
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Turn left at IG, recalculating, turn right at Media Cows
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Hello, random human. We would like you to join us in an experiment.
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Welcome. Enjoy your stay.
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Huge success
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Thank you for this pencils. Aperture science Thank's you for your present.
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Aperture science Thank's you for your present.
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Hello Katka!
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Hello Katka
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I think we can put some diferences behind us. For science, you monster.
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Katka
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Katrin
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hello and once again lets make some science
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In order to do its job, the CPU uses memory chips to temporarily store information and mass storage devices (hard drives, memory sticks) to save information for later use
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Hello and welcome to My Fnagh Mobile
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Hello! This is mighty nerd from mighty videos. we are testing the new glados voice generator
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Hey Luk! I´m going for you! I want your parkour skills for me!
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Hey Charles! I´m going for you! I want your playing skills for me!
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hello and welcome to mc donalds
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Dear Vincent, I like you very very much, but now I'm gonna fuck you up with my testicules disintegrator.
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This is a tardis
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Welcome Richard, hope you have a good and out of injuries session
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Merlin does not know the difference. Merlin is stupid. Oh, is that cake?
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wellcome to ah screw it
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whata
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Hello, Test subject, blah blah blah. Welcome to the Aperture Science Test Room thing. I am sick of all these damn tests, so just take a portal gun. you may or may not die.
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Arr, i hate you, blah blah blah blah blah. can we just skip to the fight scene?
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Welcome to the enrichment center. the test is about to begin.
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Hello this is glados speaker for redglop i would like to give a shoutout to coolclub64 subscribe to him or i will flood you home with a deadly nuero toxin so in case you dont subscribe to coolclub64 goodbye
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Hello this is glados speaker for redglop i would like to give a shoutout to coolclub64 subscribe to him or i will flood your home with a deadly nuero toxin so in case you dont subscribe to coolclub64 goodbye
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Ruben Alcantar Presents a Movie about Stupid things You Probably shouldn't be watching this Oh well Its not my life Who am I to Judge
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Drink...Yes, Drink a lot.
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Hello Lindsay, this is your good friend GLADOS. How are you today?
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Hello, you reached Amy with Dream Massage Mobile Spa. I am unable to come to the phone, so leave your name and phone number and I will get back to you, or email customer service at dream massage mobile spa dot com. Thanks for calling
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Joshua sucks balls
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fdgfdhfdgsd
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asd cake
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i love you jessey, even if companion cube doesn't
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Hello sir, How can I be to your service?
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Holaa... sigues ahí
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AMINE WHY SO SERIOUS ? YOU ARE DUMB
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ffffffffffffffffffffffffffuk
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Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was... a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not-one-bit. So - me watching - he takes the knife to her, laugh
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Arrived message for you.
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Such rudeness with you humans, no wonder i don't feel like coming outside.
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This is a voice generator. Thank you for testing this software.
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hello there. how are things.
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Pryce you suck
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Pryce
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Suck
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Are you still there? I see you. Hellooo!
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My name is Rufphus. How are you?
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Making the World more Safer and Controlled place!
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connoorrrrr
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Hello and welcome to Windows
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fuuuuuu
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cześć
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what the fuck?
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maybe black mesa
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Are you insane?
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I am hexus.
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Please proceed into the incinerator.
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am
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Hi, I would like to order a pepperoni pizza and a two liter dr. pepper.
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hello tyler, how are you doing
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hello welcome to the acer VR lobby system
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hello hunter, welcome back
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Why are you poking me? It's rather rude, you know..
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Welcome to Team Fortress two. After nine years
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Episode 3 has been delayed
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I am Fucking Awesome
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I heard that a fly hit me in the eye
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war century
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blah blah blah
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oh snap diggaty!
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what is GLaDOS?
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Christina, do you want to go to bed?
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I am a robot. I have a robot va gina.
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You are going to be humanised by me. Be prepared because your judish drinks at the party at bird's house won't be successful
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Hi there David
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Dancing whales on a speeding boat eating sausage
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I can't let you do that, dave.
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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood
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Tooday you will be testing with a partner.
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potus there is a call to you
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oh no!
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I like pie and skittles. Give me pie and skittles please.. or I will destroy you. Haaa.
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Hello, welcome back
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lea , je te pète au nez
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I will cum my neurotoxins into your nasal passages
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enrichment gheynter
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Hello, Ujaya, Now you're using GLaDOS voice generator.
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I want to put my thing in your pooper
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I am ghey
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Hello and Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment center.
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What the fuck is juice nigga
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I am Glados, and i hate Freechips, next time he plays Portal, i will have him killed
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Dem na like me
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He is not human. Wrong... He is a machine..
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Ok, so these two guys walk into a bar... and i forgert the rest.
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Hello, and welcome to Aperture laboratories.
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That's so cheesy.
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hello. how have you been?
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i hate vans
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Earl is awesome.
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hello. how have you been? ”
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the is going to be a party a big party for you and all your friends. You don't have any friends?Poor you
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desu desu desu desu hard
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what is this?
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Hi Lara
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pontus det är ett samtal to you
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your phone is ringing!!
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Hello Dan. This Is GLaDOS. How have you been? You know...After you murdered me.. The companion cube says Hi!
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andreas lidman are ugly
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welcome to the aperture science cake center
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Timmy Laubert sucks hard dixx
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Please Fuck Me
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fuck uou
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Hello and welcome to YOUR DEATH
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A quanto tempo... Gabe newell
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science enrichment center. We hope you enjoyed your cake, you monster.
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NIGGERS!
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DARN U BLACK MESA
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This guy gets 2 years for Armed Robbery, he makes a post before going into jail (nothing special) then makes a long thread after getting out. It's stickied on another board.
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DAMN YOU BLACK MESA
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Bienvenue aux laboratoires Appenture Science. Nous espérons que votre séjour sera plaisant.
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I HATE you darox you are a noob and of course my little pet is behind you say hello to my onos
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I cannot do that, Dave.
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Hello Aaron. Would You Like Some Cake?
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Hello Daniel. Would You Like Some Bacon?
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I WILL KILL YOU ALL
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Hello, swee.
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hello my good human please
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kyle summers is a giant gay fruit who likes little boys
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Hello tf2 members This is GLaDOS telling you that cfl565656 rocks
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me so horny
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my name is connor
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Hello and Cfl565656 has joined the game
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spy around here
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Primary systems online
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You have recived a message at this terminal
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Leave me alone. Mean woman. Fire. Firrrre.
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hello my name is steele what is your name
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kukuk
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hry
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pontus you got a text message
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adsfadggads
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Welcome. Welcome to city 17. You have chosen or been chosen to take a shit in your pants and lick it.
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Ujaya, stop playing stupid Minecraft, and go on, play with me.
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I like it in the ass. Oh baby, don't stop now.
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Fucking Magnets how do they work?
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my cheesy cat is a cat dog hurts
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Ahem, gentlemen? I see the briefcase is safe? Tell me, did anybody happen to kill a RED Spy on the way here? No? Then we still have a problem.
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hola como estas
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You are Michael Jackson!
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Hello there, this is your ansering machine please leave a message after the beep........BEEEEEEP
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If you ever touch Chell. Guess What, CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME !!!
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Eat your dinner Sherilee, or the aperture science and enrichment center, will not give you cake.
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I wanna fuck chell because she gave me a sexy and seducing voice :)
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Hello, you have reached Francisco Saldana's answering machine. He is currently being processed. Please leave a message.
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WALLEEEEEE. That means I love you in Wall-E speak
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Kill all humans!
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Good morning subject 07364. Please Wake up. wake up. wake up. wake up. subject 07364 has been deemed deseaced and shall be awarded no cake.
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I like tacos
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Did you just shove that aperture science sandwich into the aperture science emergency intelligence incenerator?
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Warning. Disengaging cryo sleep tubes.
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Blah blah I am testing this program.
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hello everybody
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Systerm start up. Please wait.
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hello. you have reached the phone of
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Hello Asshole
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your balane is
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Hey Michael, I love you.
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Please wake up!
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I love robotic sausages
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Robin is a fäggot
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GLaDON activated
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Hello, and Welcome to the DecepticonDevastator Productions Center, we are glad that you chose this Video, We will now begin Deploying Video, in 5, 4 , 3, 2 , 1. Video is now Deploying
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I love portal
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What is zis shit.
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Good Morning Jessi
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Canibal Totoro
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Oh joy. Voicemail has arrived
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Hello, this is the Steven's answerphone. All the things you wanted to tell him can you tell me instead.
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