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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hey baby, you know you look so sweet.
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Because i'm a potato
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You are sooo clever that I can not belive that you have not forget to breath!
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hi there, i want to masterbaute
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Hello my name is glados and i will kill you
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munkee testes
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Hey dodd what's go on?
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Hey dood what's go on?
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Oh, hi, how are you holding up? Because I'M A POTATO
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Hallo Louisa
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Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!
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Hello, Joey. Welcome to Aperture Science
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hello my name is molly
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Hello epic rofl. welcome to aela, the epic, awesome gaming beast of a computer
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Hello epic rofl. welcome to aela, the epic, awesome gaming beast of a computer. have fun
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in a world
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Hello Zachery
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This is the Aperture Contament Sub-
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This is the Aperture Contament Sub-Level Welcome and enjoy your stay
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hello i have taken control on your laptop and have integrated my A.I. in your c p u i will be assisting you from now on if you have a question feel free to ask
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Hello Chelsea Fernelius I love you
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What are you doing? are you stupid?
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hello again chell
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You are now in the mic
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Zack, sir, you have a skype call.
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molly, i think you are one of the dumbest morons who ever lived.
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Hello, Robyn
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Oh my god! There's an axe in my head.
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hola gil
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I will kill you in the morning. After I have had some coffee.
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There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him.
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you are a moron. you know that right?
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Hello again,hope you die this time
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Hi Bobby. Kickin Brass rules
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What on earth is this.
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Vous etes cool
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Do buy our products or your life will be at risk. Take your chance now, $19.99 a month for a cup of milk and two apples. Take it before it's too late
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Allo
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Ola, use as teclas para navegar
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Incoming phone call in 3 2 1
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Hi, My name is Jack
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You've been selected to join Fabian Carimbocas's elite Crew in Chicago! Without your help, Fabian Carimbocas may not succeed.
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Hello an welcome to Aperture science, We kill lots of chicks, so then i them. woot woot
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Hello, and welcome to the Panther's Lair.
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PONIES. PONIES EVERYWHERE.
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The race has begun. We must run fast. Jump over the mud. Having a good time. Where's apple jack? She fell in the mud. Are you okay? We can still win this. Jump in a bucket. That looked like it hurt. I know what pain is. It's great to be alive. Still alive
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Hello, Lauren. How are you today?
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r slash clopclop for the best pony action!
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hello,and welcome to aperture science laboratories
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I wish I could suck you off all night.
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Hello. Its been a looooong time
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You probably thought that this was going to be long. I laugh at you.
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you're not alone, you're dead
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Zura ja nai, Katsura Da
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Michael, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
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i accept your challenge.
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Remember that Christmas Party we had?
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JU9NR-V73SN-G4UO5-T7BLJ-CVQB3
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You think your soo clever
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you are an asshole
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phys you suck
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You know you should stop reading those stupid stories.
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Existe um personagem dos quadrinhos com o meu nome
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Alex, why do you smell like poo poo.
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Hello again. I've been busy since you killed me
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Testing Testing 1 2 3
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The Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Centre is, unfortunately, shutting down.
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HeyyY!
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apologize
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you're terrible person
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You Fail.
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Hello everyone! I think that you will not complain, when you die!
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hallo wilkommen auf meiner homepage
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what the
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Hey over here
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Rob is the best american ever!
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Hi Alp.... It's nice to meet you.
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bonjour Mathieu
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Mike Diabled
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Welcome, Handle I.D Reaper
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well, princess. It seems that you "oh soo brilliant shceme of apprehending princess luna has failed. It's Funny though, as it didn't really surprise me.
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"Well princess celestia, it seems that Princess luna has escaped your capture once again. Funny, it did not come as a surprise to me. I have seen many things fail in my life. Like that little idiot wheatly. he tried to take over, but now he is in space.
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Good Morning, You are through to Watson Financial Services, How may we help?
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Pockaj na mna katka, uz idem!
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Veh, what the hell are you doing here?!
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threw a wish in the well, Don't ask me, I'll never tell I looked to you as it fell, and now you're in my way I trade my soul for a wish, pennies and dimes for a kiss I wasn't looking for this, but now you're in my way Your stare was holdin', Ripped jea
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Now running systems
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Sometimes I feel like someone is sticking a toothpick into my cortex.
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It's called dancing, man!
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This was a fail
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K P J highlights
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fack you
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Here is a cage for you to be in. Logically, I don't have to worry about you.
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God bless Mam Grace
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Hello My name is Janna
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However, I'm sure you'll find a way to escape. I have a test for you if (or rather, when) you do.
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Want some cake lewis?
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Would you like some nom noms lewis?
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CIAO
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Why are you not dead?
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Hey, Chell, why don't you speak? I think that's stupid, mutes are stupid, cake. I don't know what cake is.
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If I were your mother, I would say so. Gordon Freeman has the portal gun, shit. Goodbye now, I have to leave.
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I want to know who used all of the Aperture Science Fecal Matter Emancipation Paper in the Aperture Science Waste Removal Chamber. I just had Chipotle and I really need to take a shit.
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Hello DFG, I am GLaDOS. How are you?
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Did you spill your milk again? I would totally cry if I were you.
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mona
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money
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I'm DJ Emmz, Beach!!!
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iRadio
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The aperture science enrichment center would like you to acknnowledge that your mother is calling you. Please abort mission and throw this device into an open fire.
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You are a failure. You will never achive anything in life.
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Momy has a headache, you kids go play on the highway
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if you have any problem beating the game just give up you never win
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You think the Once-ler is hot? Ha, he's fictional.
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welcome wouter
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going going... gone!
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i need to tell that no matter what you will die in here
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science computer system. I am glados, and i am going to assist you during your session.
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Jarda smrdi
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trololololo lololo lololooo hahahahaha i will kill you.
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Allahuagbah!
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MAH BOI.LOTSA SPAGHETTI.O RLY
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ITS FUN TO DELIVER M.I.L.K!
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I like ponies. Do you?
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This is GLaDOS and i'm here to say: NOM, NOM, NOM. Hello oskar this is an aperture scdience test chainber please help me solve it
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Oh look. Logan's voicemail is broken. So you got stuck with me instead. Give me a moment. The voice mail robot won't be doing that again.
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Oh look. Logan's voicemail is broken. So you got stuck with me instead. Give me just a moment. The voice mail robot won't be doing that again.
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Like The Baus on Facebook. And also, Rush is an awesome band.
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Caspian, proceed to your kitchen and pick up your portalgun
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Hello, you have a phone call sir.
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Hello! Wanna Play a Game? Well I don't!
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LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
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[SECTION REMOVED BY O5 ORDER. CLEARANCE LEVEL 5 REQUIRED FOR ACCESS]
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Attention! Your mom is calling! Keep calm and answer theee phoooonnneeeee!
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Hello welcome to my house
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You have been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system. shawn gilhooley is not available. please try your call again later. good bye
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Well, hello, Test Subject Number 9083. I'
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Well, hello, Test Subject Number 9083. I'm here to reward you with cake. SARCASM CORE ONLINE. Good, that works, too.
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Hello and welcome to the apature... wait I hate you so much
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are you idiot? slap in the face...
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hello master Adam
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Sorry to interrupt but you have a text
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Hola Quuick, cuanto tiempo ha pasado
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Hola Quucik, cuanto tiempo ha pasado
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Thath wasen't supose to hapen!
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What are you doing? Are you doing what I think you are doing?
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Crappy house, minecraft players
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hello and and and and sorry i glitched out there
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Axel, you are first gay in Europe
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this is cool
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You are very stupid aren't you.
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I will destroy your life.
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JUNK MONKEE
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Welcome back master
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Work station operational master
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Hi Matt. Do you know who I am... Nah you probably don't. Your too stupid. I just came to say that. Because its true. You are quite stupid... By the way, the cake is a lie... You jive turkey!
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Daphne
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The TUM corporation is one of the leading software engineering companies
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Thank you for the delicious breakfast.
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Welcome back to testing. Joshua.
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Epic Bronies Time les manda un gran saludo a todos ustedes
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hello chava how can i help you
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chava
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Hello Mason!
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Hello, and welcome back to your computer, Jake,
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Hello, and welcome back to your computer,
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I am Heavy Weapons Glados, and lis is my weapon, it fires 2 portals, can pick up objects and is better than bla a a a-
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I am Heavy Weapons Glados, and lees is my weapon, it fires two portals, can pick up objects and is better than bla a a a-
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Hello, welcome to the aperture science first world test chamber beta.
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J C, why are you making me drink this terrible drink?
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Hello Jeremiah. I love you.
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Would you like some cake
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Opened the weather for you.
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This is just my own personal program: I don't want to go too high over the good moments because I don't want to be saddened and depressed when things don't go as I had planned.
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You are reaching Gatto's house
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im sorry i'm not talking conner
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10 years ago, the Gamecube was released. It was the biggest revolution in cube based technology since the Weighted Storage Cube.
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Today, we will test.. Forever
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Please set me free. To my heart.
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Hello and welcome to Johnie's new song
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50% Download ready
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Sim, estou falando
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Mom
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Hello little child.
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Hello,welcome to the SaPce ch4nb3r 3-9, im GlaDOS and in here to say that....
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Logan
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believe me, i'm a scientist
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There is no cake
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Come with me if you want to live!
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This... Is... SPARTAN!
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dj sleepy
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I wanna love
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what is llove
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Hello there Chell
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Hi! And you the shit
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Danny is a fat ugly poo head
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Julia, you monster. you did it again.
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Activating device. Please wait...
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Where are you going? I just want to test.
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hello mr johnson
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What are you doing ?
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I hate Hannah because she smells bad!
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What is this sorcery?
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please don't kill me!
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Me estas destrozando viva!
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haha you realy think you can take on my test, well if you can we can have some fun working together.
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Welcome to bitbyter, please identify yourself.
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welcome to my page
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Screw this
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System shutting down as requested
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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Gooby please fak you.
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Brendan, It's your turn to play
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Du lebst ja immer noch!
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Hello everyone! This is a test of dictation. I hope you'll enjoy.
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I want your floopy in my hard drive
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Kick up the fire and let the flames break loose
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this is a triamph
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Goodbye my only friend.. oh you thought i ment you
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We are playing game. Because life is too short for love and think
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Hello Kirby
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Time for testing
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Okay Crying Noises Crying Noises
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Fine I'll go bother Zachary
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Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey... Zachary
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Link engaged
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It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
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Hello welcome to apeter sinace pleas behave and don't make Master Adam angry
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It's sunday morning, and I am testing this voice generator, for science.
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this a test lol
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i like to blow men
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Owen is a douche, I will destroy him. Hahaha.
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Owen will die in five minutes, I am GLaDOS and I will destroy him.
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Hello. My name is GLaDOS. I love you. Never leave me. Ever.
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Holy crap in a sack.
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Im going to burn down your with a combustible lemon.
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Hello, is this Marie?
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i hade you
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hey did you do that?
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Hegazy Enterprises, Shifting the Gears of Innovation
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I guess yout just a horrible person
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the cake is mine
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Hello, my little bronies
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Why, hello Morgan.
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Hello once again and welcome to the Plite enrichment center
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It is a sabotage.
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fifty, v p
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Jennifer Adams
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It's not working!
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Jake
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The cake was always a lie. What I said before was a stimulant for you to go.
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Hello Kenny!
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hello i am going to kill you in a instalt
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i have ears of steel
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aren't you going to get that
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But we can put our difference behind us, for science, you monster.
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virus database heas been updated
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You have a call incoming to your device. However, if you wanna talk to the other dumb person at the orher side, you have to put your device out of your pocket.
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Today, I will be educating you in the workings of the three D ES
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Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?
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oh sometimes i get a good feeling yeah. i get a feeling that i never ever ever had before no no i get a good feeling yeah
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Hello liam britten, welcome to apature science, please grab the apature science hand held portal device in the hallway.
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Yes, sir?
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FATTY
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I like to use words like 'standard,'
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I'm sure your marriage will last forever. All my data indicates that a trusting relationship is built to last.
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I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time, Ray. I love you.
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hooded youth from the cotswolds
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Spartan To Halo 4
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Text Message Inbound in 3. 2. 1. Now.
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Hello your are here to die
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Welcome to Anatidaephobia!
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gmod
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Would you come over here?
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Welcome to that gaming network. Have some cake!!!
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Hello alex you will die
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Congratulations! You have been selected to partake in our Time Space Continuum and Relativity enhancement program. Please begin to prepare for departure, as your transport is ready for pickup.
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avengers assemble
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Ladies and gentlemen it is dj kaz
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Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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I am cool
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I got balls of steel..
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You are tearing me apart Lisa!
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Baby you know that I miss you, I wanna get with you tonight But I cannot baby girl and that's the issue Girl you know I miss you, I just wanna kiss you But I can't right now so baby kiss me thru the phone, I'll see you later on Kiss me thru the phone, see
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My nane is GLaDOS. I want your soul.
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Welcome to Cat Facts! We are only open from 7am to 9pm. Please call back later. Goodbye!
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hey there, stranger. what's your name?
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enrichment
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and again
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I love you, Emiel
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OBJECTION!
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Hello Kraken
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Welcome to the Cyclux countdown down down, time for things to get crazy
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You are running out of time
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Hi I am GLaDOS UNSC Spartan 1 1 8s a i
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Wasted it all just to Watch you go I kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall
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Hello, and again welcome to the aperture science enrichment center. Thanks to portal, science has never seen such improvement on testing, but since we're aperture, science is never too much.
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Thanks to portal, science has never seen such improvement on testing, but since we're aperture, science is never too much.
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Jace, if I I find you i'm going to have sex with you again if you touch billy again!
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You are not a very good test subject. You fail.
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Hello Ashley. You will be terminated in 5.....4.....3.....2.....1.....good bye and good luck.
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Ninja, i think you and drag should give me a promotion since of all the work that has been done. I know i shouldnt ask for ranks but ive been working hard. But on the otherhand cake
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GABI DOYLE YOU MAKE ME GO WILD. I CAN'T CONTROL MY GENITALS WHEN I'M AROUND YOU
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hello im yellow like homer simson
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Please continue testing
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Hello and welcome to the enrichment center. Please go jump into a pit.
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Wellcome back, Doug.....
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You are locked in to DJ Cavo on RadioActive FM. Get Contaminated!
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oi amigos
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hey, you got a text message
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who are you? and why are you here?
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get out of here chell!
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Welcome to V2 Company
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Welcome to V2 Company !
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No Money No Love
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you've got one new message
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you've got 1 new message
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First you will be baked. And then there will be cake. Nomnomnomnom
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escono escono ovunque voi siate
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I ain't gonna eat, I ain't gonna sleep Ain't gonna breathe, til I see, what I wanna see And what I wanna see, is you go to sleep, in the dirt Permanently, you just being hurt
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Hello. Welcome to the Aperture Science Laboratory. Please go to the testing area and be ready to step in the Portal.
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These are not the droids you are looking for
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Ja ja ja ja ja, I killed you. Wait. Screw that, you killed me!
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Oscar please leave.
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Hello, I don't remember you. I hope you like testing.
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you are crazy
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hello, my name is glados...i am a butch
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You are not a good person. You are moron. It's been fun. Don't come back.
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hello. i love you. come back!
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Henley is one of the most popular beaches in the area. With golden sand, clear water and a lively seaside atmosphere, Henley is the perfect place.
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We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your ships. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.
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cruz
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I'm a talking door
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SHIT SON, YA'LL CAN DRESS THIS SHIT UP HOWEVER MUCH YOU LIKE BUT YOUR 20 VIDEOS STILL DON'T AMASS AS MANY VIEWS AS JUST ONE OF MINE.
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Hello and welcome to the science apparture
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Tee Zaaa Pannn Tisss
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Worst birthday ever
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Good day, You have reached, Thomas Dolemark's voicebox Please leave a message and he shall return your call as soon as possible.
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Piss off.
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neurotixin
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I like Ponies
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Hi there marc, time for you to die
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Hi there David, time for you to die. Sincerely Jesse James
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Access cubao
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Hi i am G L a D O S
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This was a triumph. We are out of alpha. Now it's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
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what are you
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The problem is...quite frankly, that I'm not interested in your pathetic excuse for an excuse not to do this test
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Nom nom nom
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You will die, very vey soon, sorry
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all the goals
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Tanie wino jest dobre, bo jest dobre i tanie.
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Aerostatik
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Hello, and welcome to my room.
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Hello. We are Aperture Science. We can fulfill all of your scientific needs. Come to us; there will be cake.
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I hope you won't kill me if I tell you I am gay and I love you. Will you... Hmmm, marry me ? Please !
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shy is lame, you monster
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Barack Obama will lose the election in November.
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Hello Cynthia. This is GLaDOS and you are inept.
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My pet potato is a triangle
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Any customer can have a car painted any color that he wants so long as it is black.
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hey darling
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DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REMOVE IMPLANT. YOUR PHYSICAL MOVEMENT IS BEING CONTROLLED VIA NES REMOTE TECHNOLOGY. MAINTAIN HAPPY DISPOSITION AT ALL TIMES. YOUR MEMORY WILL BE RESTORED UPON COMPLETION OF EXERCISE. WELCOME TO THE GAME.
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gsusutushjkdghu4ewshguksheioht
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I want to present you the new aperture science, in association with epicmagination, and the co-op iniciative, 3 Steps to Portal. We took what we thought it was perfect and made it even better.
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in response to problems in choosing test subjects , as walkthoughs, gameplays and cheats we builded a entire new test chamber, The final test to testing subjects.
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it will be perfect... i guess.
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Omg
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Our bond was unbreakable
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Hello and Welcome to your doom
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Hello and welcome to the power box solution
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im noa holesek hi again
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You just got a new message.
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Mr gravaris the senior is calling
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Mr gravaris the senior is calling again
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FAAK YOU COLIN. I hate you. Hunter is also a dumb faak. Ryan is a moron. You are adopted morons. How does that make you feel? Ha. Ha. Ha.
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AHOJ JAK SE MAS
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WELCOME TO THE WINDOWS
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We Are pleased
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Hello, I Am EVE, the Electric Vocal Enidenty. Auto 20 millimeter:Online and locked
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Hello samantha
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mum hurry up and make my lunch
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Autocinema Vista
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Can we go camping?
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Hello. My name is Shigo.
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I'm GlaDos and Filipe is my best friend!
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Hello. pinkie pie. I am GLaDOS. i brang you here to test with you
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lol lol
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You have reached 4 1 3, 2 8 5, 2 0 6 9. Please leave your message after the tone. If you do not, we will not be able to return your call. Thank you from Aperture Laboratories. Have a nice day!
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Hello, Stonehenge! Who takes the Pandorica takes the Universe! But, bad news everyone, 'cause guess who! Ha! Except, you lot, you're all whizzing about, it's really very distracting. Could you all just stay still a minute because I am talking! Now, the
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Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering
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heyyyy
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Chell i am your Mother
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DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REMOVE IMPLANT.
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All I really wanted was a Dota Beta
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Hello. I like you. We should hang out sometime. Before you try to kill me. Again. You monster.
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since the beginning i've been aware of activity around me.
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I'd like to destroy you
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Samantha Colchin.
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Hello little human, would you like to suck my robotic phallus?
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She'll be home soon.
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Hello, Doctor Wiley. Back from prison i see. The other 8 robot masters are already in development,and should be ready within the next 24 hours. But bad news for you, because i've taken your whole system and base. That's right, i'm in control now.
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CAN'T WAIT
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Hello and welcome to the apature science computer system powered by a half dead hamster fed on shoes that have been worn by orphan children
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Do not worry this is just a test, i repeat, there is no need to worry about nuclear weapons this is just a test
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I have encountered a 4 oh 4 error while searching for my soul.
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yo my nigga
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Nothing is real, everything is permitted
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The shit has hit the fan
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Welcome to the final test. After this, there will be cake.
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okay okay!
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I can not tolerate this stupidy. Die!
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hello. i shall destroy you
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the cake is a lir
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i am a big man with big needs
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Hello B Balla. This is GLaDOS. How Are You?
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oh it's you. it's been a long time.
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Le monkey face
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Hi Hannah
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my name is Ichigo kurosakki
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Explode now.
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Research Facility.
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hi christian huerfano how are you? do you a like a cake?
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you make me sad, why do you want me to cry?
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Hello. This is mack so. You have reached my voice mail. Please leave a message after the tone.
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I love Gaki-san
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Hello, Welcome to Can Do Kitchen
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its been a long time. how have you been?
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You are safe. Don't you struggle now.
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No. You cannot leave. I killed the door. Hahahahaha.
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Thank God you're alive
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hey kaleb it's me jarryd but in a glados voice but it is awsome and portal 2 rocks
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Test message for sparkles
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religion. Furthermore, it should be noted that every man to be elected to the presidency has been a Christian of some denomination.
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So it would seem to make sense that the founders of this country would establish it as a nation based on Christian principles, being that the country was settled by Christians, ruled by Christians, and was mostly Christian, even back then.
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Hello Jessica, you're looking pretty today. Have you been working out?
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who are you and why are you here
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the enrichment center provides a safe learning environment but can, and most likely will, be deadly
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all the goals!
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Hello. Welcome to Tweet Blast. Feel free to browse our website.
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dj imran khan
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This consoles terrible
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Kurac
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Hi you trolls.
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ohhh, your going to pay for that one, im going to cut your head off
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bonjour jes suis un androide de premiere generation
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bonjour je suis un androide
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I am GLaDOS, I will kill you in your sleep...At least i want to
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Aperture Science is the manufacturer of camera lenses, with heavy attention placed on the aperture component.
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Hello my name is Nastya
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CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE
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Ha Ha Ha this is very funny
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hello how are you? my name is nastya
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hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia
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Andrew, someone send you a text. I bet it contains bad news. Why would someone send you good news? Do you even have friends?
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tEST
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Critical error, please die,
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hello you must really like testing
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i want to ride
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Tommy and Kobe Dubstep
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Alerta. No os movais. Desincronizacion detectada. Alerta. Manteneros a la espera.
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I don't give a shit. They might as well be the future, I will be dead.
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Message has been received my master
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Remember when you tried to kill me
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smart
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musical
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Hello,welcome
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Oh, it's you again, the one who KILLED me.
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Hallo, ich bin UniQuE
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This is a test I hope you don't take my personal information
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welcome my master
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Andrew, someone is calling you. I wounder who it is, since you don't have any friends.
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Ciao daniele come stai?
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oh how silly i pads are STUUUPID
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hello dietmat
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Hello, Samantha
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Container recognized
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Hello Allen. The reason you never got your pizza coupon is because I took it. I love pizza. Thanks for the coupon and all your hard work.
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oloooooo
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The Aperture Science center is proud to wish you a merry christmas. A nice big cake is waiting for you, Maxime.
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dj em on the mix on the mix
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hello kids its play time
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Carl and Troy's all night gameathon five!
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eesan go stick a cattle prod up your cunt
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meow I think a kitty just ate all of the cake
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i kill you you
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kill him
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the messenjah crew
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Pascal ist ein vollhorst
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Adam to chuj i nic tego nie zmieni
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twinkle, twinkle little star. how i wonder what you are.
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Mathieu
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Je mange mon caca
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for over a thousand years, the leaders of the four kingdoms: the earth protectors, the underworld dwellers, the sky defenders, and the water guardians have maintained truce, and the world is at peace
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callum your phones seems to be ringing bring bring bring bring bring bring oh my god answer your phone or i will not give you cake
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However, a storm is brewing, the world as everyone has grown up to cherish is starting to crumble. Omens are foretelling a bleak future. Rumors are telling tales that are too wild and far fetched to be true.
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Kingdoms are getting distrustful of each other. Tension is mounting and the peace is starting to fail. Fights are erupting along borders of the kingdoms. To put an end to this, warriors from four kingdoms are sent to uncover the truth.
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These warriors have seen things that no one back in the kingdom will believe. Events that no one can comprehend are taking place. Messages from the outposts are telling that something from outside this world is responsible for these events.
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The question that has made everyone sleepless is who, or what, is out there?
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hola Dani
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Don't even think about it
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