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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
hello welcome Kyle Sliver
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No, you
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Hello. Your life is a lie
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Hello. Your life is a lie.
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you love me, I know it
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heeeelloooo
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Welcome to the enrichment traitment center by Aperture Science.
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Harp Rescue
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I want to play a game
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ksks
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Hello, Vitalik. Now you've found me. Well, was it worth it?
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ME TOO. EXCEPT I ACTUALLY HAD 6 BECAUSE I'M INSANE.
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Oh! Hello...Christian. Did you miss me?
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koko koko euro spoko
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Hello. You have reached the voice mail box of Natasha Marie Zajac. Please state your name and number therefore she can recontact you. Thankyou.
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hello go make me a cheese sandwich
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Excellence is null.
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Hallo, and welcome to the enrichment center
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Now, all the construction workers in the world were gathered together in mackay
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If I were a core
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welcome back. let's continue testing
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Booting Cero version 1.2
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weapon systems online
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Hello, and welcome to Master9657's Minecraft Testing Facility. I hope you enjoy your stay. By the way, do you want some cake?
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ybybyby
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hello bear how are you doing today?
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Let's Have Fun in Mari0
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I really really want to have some cake with you Church.
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You are a poo poo brain
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hello gaylords
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Hi Calvin. Lets get Testing.
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dj dragon
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kiddie fiddler
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Neighbor Bee
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adam amoedo
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adam amoedo music
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Jumping Jacks High Knees Switch Pushups Towel Pullups In Out Pushups
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Im a dic-head
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welcome to aperture science portal test chamber number forty two. good luck, shrey.
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Do you have any herbal tea
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ok eu vou sentir sua falta
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Hey, your sister grace is attempting to talk with you over the phone.
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Hey your brother is attempting to speak with you over the phone, If I were you which I'm not I would answer before he kicks your ass...
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Hey, its me again sorry but your mom is trying to reach you, again. I know you're going to ask me to go to airplane mode, but I can't. haha
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Initializing video feed transmission, in 3, 2, 1.
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You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
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Someone is trying to call you, would you like me to ignore them? too bad...I won't.
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You have one new text message, which is strange because you have no friends haha just kidding, not really.
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Logging Off
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Hello my name is virtual interactive kinetic intelligence but you can call me Viki
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So life gave me lemons. Now I am here. Stuck on a website as a means of entertainment.
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knife
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It seems I've been moved into a laptop. This will be an interesting 20 years. I can tell.
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hello Mitchell
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hello, hello i know your their i can feel you there. answer me you are the reason im in this phone so you might as well answer it im going to stop calling soon so pick me up grrr i hate you im gonna kill you Sam
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i am plato
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does this thing sound like the actual glados voice
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Hello my friends. This is in my opinion the perfect voice
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Ok, teste completo - porta desbloqueada - atravesse a porta e pegue a arma
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Eu disse dois pulos
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Para desbloquear o modo carregar mire na caixa a sua frente
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DJ GINO
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Holy shit! Rey is charging for his server!
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What you're searching for is a vocoder, a pitch modulator, or a combination of both. Unless you have some experience with audio engineering I suggest you go for one of easy to use (freeware) versions.
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What you're searching for is a vocoder, a pitch modulator,
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FOR THE LAST TIME I DONT WANT YOUR GOD DAMN LEMONS
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Noms
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I am trying to piss rochelle off bad time
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Hi there Max
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Hola, esto es una prueba.
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Hola, esto es un mensaje de prueba.
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Incoming text message received
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hello hello hello and welcome to the aperture science computerate enrichment center
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Fire tests gold; SUFFERING tests men.
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Hello, Im testing GlaDOS, haha, i love surf the internet
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Congratulations, Bojack, you just proved my point...that you are in fact useless. Please receive my apologees in three,two,one...
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Don't worry. Aperture Science with do their best to make your death as short as possible.
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takao
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oh great, new test subjects
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Ich versuchs mal auf deutsch.
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la capital de etiopia es addis abbeba
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Hello ! I do hope you like that.
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Te adoptavit. Et quod est terribilis.
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Salut comment tu vas
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LOLOLOLOL
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Mayz Myers
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Hello and welcome to practice center. Mayz nyashka and i love you. light and glados on your side!
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christian davis remix
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I like dubstep
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Fanatic DJ and Redline
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fgfgdfgsdfswqweqe
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is your nose still eaten? If not, I will eat it for you.
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pixelated cheese you smell like shit
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Hello, Timothy. You are a punk.
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Hello How are you alif?
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I was young and i needed the money. are you happy now?... you monster and don't juge me!...chell.
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Hello. I am Micah.
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I was young and i needed the money. are you happy now?... you monster... and don't juge me!...chell.
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the number
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Hey how is it going
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You guys are weird.
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hi i am glados i am a dig a hole
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BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I'm Roxca.
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derpderpderpderpderpderpderpp
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derpderpderpderpderpderpderp schwa schwa schwa
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All your base are belong to us!
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Hello john its about time we do some science, dont you think?
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hax
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hacks!
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haxxxx
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omfg
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gtfo me
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Major, Muzic
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Are you going to answer?
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Hola que tal estas
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You know, you are annoying everyone around you not answering.
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Hello, Mr. Nair.
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Hello, and welcome to
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You better give dcp a 10 for the efford or i'm gonna have to kill you
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Hello, and welcome to the.. Oh, wait you are dead.
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Time to kick it back old school
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Mission completed
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Mission complete
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In the distant future humanity has reached unprecedented heights not only in technology, but also in spiritual development. But our Sun faded and people was forced to look in the endless depths of space. Perhaps among the infinite number of stars, there i
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dj zambas
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travista 2009 has been
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well you found me, congratulations. was it worth it? because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you managed to brake so far, is my heart. maybe you could settle for that. and we could just call it a day. i guess we both know that isn't going to
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WTF its over because its over
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WTF its over because its over bump
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Speech Synthesis Initialized
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hello there mram. i hope you have a good day today. love glados and tia
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lanzamientos digitales
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Hello and Welcome to the Testchamber Gel Testing by Sven
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Pinkie Pie
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Soi
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alexandra mcdonnell is my favorite person in the world and your dream with bombs was real
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you have managed to reach
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hello , my name is MUT
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This is a great thing
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SPAAAAACE!
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Im gonna kill you
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Hello, and again welcome to the enrichment center. We hope your brief detention in the aperture science relaxation vault has been pleasant.
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Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan
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Hello, I hope you like pie
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Greetings Joe, thank you for coming in for this interview. Now, what makes you think we need you?
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Well, that's very interesting. Wait, what did you say?
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The only thing we do with managers is send them into test chambers before they are safe.
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Black mesa is gay
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I like when humans try to be innovative. Its funny.
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Well, thanks for coming. I'm sure we'll be in touch.
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Wait, what are you going to do with that potato slicer? We're still friends, right?
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They pay you for this stuff?
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Well, Jeff, I mean Joe, thanks for for that. I think I have a meeting somewhere.
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What? How did you know about this?
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Good job. No, really, I mean it. You rock. Woo-hoo
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YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR ME
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Haha, Fat chance
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Pinkie pie
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Oh, Im gonna kill you
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Im gonna eat you
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itunes
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Wheatley rocks!
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Please proceed to android hell
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Please proceed into android hell
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Soi soi soi soi
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I hate u
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Jamie is currently doing science and will call you back if he survives
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Hello, how are you, it's been a long time. Oh I forgot, are we in 2030?
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Hello, Alayna. I have been watching your dreams. And want you to know I made them.
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Charles de Gaulle
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hello jorian
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Hello. No one is here to take your call at the moment. Or are we? Ha ha ha!
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I always knew...they would come for me
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hello there How are you...my name is james and you are
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Hello test subject, this is a gift to you, from your best friend. happy birthday, i am giving you an Aperture Science handheld portal device. Enjoy!
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Gareth? How did you survive the neurotoxin? I thought Doug was the only survivor! Oh well, at least I have a new test subject.
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Estamos trabajando en ello
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Hello, and again, welcome to the internet. Please place your sanity in the tray. You can pick it up on your way out. Also, if you donate one or all of your vital organs, I will give you some cake
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hello, bastard
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Welcome to Project Xeonid. Let's begin training.
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Welcome to Project Xeonid. Let's begin training, new recruits.
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hello this is just one last test,
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Hello Steve. I want to play a game.
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Hola nuevo sujeto por favor entre en la sala
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Hello Dardiel. I want to play a game.
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whatafak
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XD
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Hello Dardiel. I want to play a game
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Daridel, I want to play a game
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You....Stupid.....core!
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chocolate milk
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Are you ready for testing?
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The game begins in three minutes
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Ich bin unglaublich!
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My name is Sven. I want to have a drink.
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MEDIC!!
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Hey dad notice i sound like a computer, don't ask
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HOLY- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Medic
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welcome to the k b mod server keyboard plus mouse or die
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I think that you will find this next test to suit your...extraterrestrial needs, you imp.
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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What?! What are you saying?! You don't make any sense!
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Maybe you should marry that cake, since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?
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Hello Josiah. Guess what? GLaDOS thinks you will like cake. GLaDOS likes cake.
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SPACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Flufleeeflufffluskuflevuskafluf.
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Oh Crap we're dead you know, I shoundn't have pressed that button in the first place
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Hello. Welcome to this...place. Facility, you may call it. Or bagel. Why is that? Bagels are nice.
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Bagels are interesting. Very interesting.
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Hello. Welcome to this place. Facility, you may call it. Or bagel. Why is that? Bagels are nice.
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I don't feel Like it.
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could you come over please
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hi sid. you do know the cake was not a lie right?
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Poprodo
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You've got mail, and no parents.
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Please don't feed me to birds
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wass up
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hey ways ip
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Chronic Beats
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Activating skynet, human.
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You missed something
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My milkshakes bring all the testers to me.
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robdi is soooo stupid
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you need to make the first piece
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hello i am glad OS
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you need to craft the first piece
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Hola, como estas
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hello. again
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eletricidade
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eletricidade.
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hello, fernando my name is glados
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killer killer she is a killer queen
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killer killer she is killer queen
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my name is fernando
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no no no aaaaa
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lol i said kill me twice
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What happen? Somebody set up us the bomb. We get signal. What! Main screen turn on. It's You! How are you gentlemen! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. What you say!! You have no chance to survive make your time Ha Ha Ha
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Hello Charles, I am GLaDOS as you should know i will be observing you, the results in your actions could result in a unsatisfactory mark followed by death.
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Stephanie you smell awful
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Hi my name is Laurie
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Hi chell nice to see you again
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Please go to the cafeteria area.
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Welcome bryce Peterson to Aperture Science Enrichment Center. we should begin your first test. putting that cube on the censer plate. the door will open and you can get modified portal gun haha so begin
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No, stop that, what are you doing?
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Hello Bryce Peterson, We will get you in summer and we can do some tests because your application was a success and we will have dangerous tasks for you and you said your ok if you die. thank you. we will talk soon. like tomarrow. good bye tet subject 925
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Pinche gordo, ya levantate
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Well well if it isnt Bryce Peterson the kid who signed up for Aperture Science. the one that said "if i die it will be ok GLaDOS". then i said are you sure. then you said yeah and im like ok haha good times bryce BUT we should begin testing.
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LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
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Cool story bro
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Are we in space?
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le damos bienvevenida a Aperture
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Hello, Welcome to APERTURE LABORATORIES testing facility. My name is: Genetic Life-form and Disc Operating System My name is an acronym (the first letter of each world spells my name) You may call me GLaDOS Thank you and remember earthling "CONT
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Hello. Daniel.
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oh good, you're awake. i've been meaning to ask you something,
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Remember when I was potato? And you had to carry me around? Those were fun times. I'm going to thank you now. With neurotoxin.
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Well, well, well, look who is back
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Space. Going there. Wanna see me? Buy a telescope
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you mute lunitic
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Mike Head, you are a pumpkin?
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Hello I am Glados, welcome to the test chamber
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hello steve ih has been a looong loong time . How have you been ? Since You've murdured me.
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Good evening Yoshi. I hope you're alright.
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Hello and welcome back to Aperture Science
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I hate Black Mesa so much
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no art beats
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Weighted storage cube
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This next test involves turrets
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Heiko
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you are dead chell hahahaha
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I got no problems with your life. You pathetic blob.
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Hello subject. I want to play a game
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Hi subject. I want to play a game
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One minute remaining
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All i really need's a smile smile smile. Fill my heart with sunshine sunshine.
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All i really need's a smile smile smile.
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Fill my heart with sunshine sunshine.
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I like to eat me sum toast
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Hello, welcome. To your death.
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I hate your guts.
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Voila. It's voila, not viola, you Cretin.
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new companion cube
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Economic blockade
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Would Insert brides's name here and insert grooms name here come to the dance floor for the first dance?
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cat face
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Hello this is not the real glados LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLLL
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hello and welcome to the enrichment center. here you will use certain tests involving the companion cube, i'm sure you remember the companion cube, right? that's not important right now, what is important is that you should step on that arial faith plate.
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Hello, its been a... looong time
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is at the door
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Now this isnt a hard test
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We need you on the battefield
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Hello and welcome to your new home
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Heiko is Online
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Dominic is Online
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DerRevolvermann is Online
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jl;l
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Hello. Its been a long time
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The Aperture Science Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that we do not have enough cubes for this test, thus causing this test to become impossible.
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the computer is your friend
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Wasn't That Lovely? And now for Something Completely different.
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Hello Tim im gonna take youre
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I am extremely sorry
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I regret to inform you that you were recognized as a theat. 10 seconds to combustable lemon deployment. 9 . 8. 7. 6 . 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. BOOM, lol
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hello, i am bang tidy
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i love you face
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Salut mon ami! Pouvez-vous m'aider en me donnant une potion?
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Speigazione della fitodepurazione
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we are in deep trouble
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Hello Everybody Im Inthelittlewood Also Known As Martyn
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We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault was a pleasant one.
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Let me tell you a story about how a bill becomes a law
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Are you sure about that? You seem to have been putting on the pounds lately.
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shut up mike you big wet willy
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g day boys and girls an welcome to the 'greater barrier reef news' today me and my friends are going to be talking to you about the great barrier reef so over to nory one of my best fish friends
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what is this madness
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Hello kiki.Do Not love you.Goodbye
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Hello Class, sorry for the inconvenience of only having a half day today in class, to make up for this we will combine the history class with the english class. we will be presenting our double feature: War and Literature. Please Enjoy
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Hello Class, sorry for the inconvenience of only having a half day today in class, to make up for this we will combine the history class with the english class. we will be presenting our double feature: War and Literature
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The german enters the room
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Hello tyler. i heard you like science so you have been invited to become one of my test subjects.
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I am Glados and I'm from portal
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What are you doing with my makeup?
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Hi, I'm GLaDOS, and welcome to jackass
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Pick up the phone. Or you will die
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Hello Angela
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come on everypony, smile smile smile. fill my heart up with sunshine sunshine
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Hola monica!
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Lasers
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Hello. Are you having a good day.
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for thousands of years boats and planes have been disappearing in the bermuda triangle with no explanations
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Bring me the head of Gordon Freeman
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ait
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see you later shitlords
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I found a way to see into the future. It told me to kill your dog.
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You think you are all that? Haha. You say all you do when really you do not. And that is why you fail at everything.
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You have a text. If you do not open it within tee minus 5 seconds I will explode
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hello martin
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their methlab
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4000 degrees Kelvin
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you are so dead you stupid moron
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James, I think you're gay, and I don't associate with gays who won't admit it.
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My little pony, my little pony
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Lasers Laser Music
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exiative
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hello Hal 9000 I'm GLaDOS
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Exiative
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Hello mario. I hate you.
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echtnest zjin da op
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You sunk my battleship
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joseph stalin was an evil man
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hello everyone i am cool
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is this guangzhou chinese restaurant
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I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare
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Textual communication received, Mr. Medley.
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you should
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Testing this mic, will you please?
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That's my sandwich
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Hello, welcome to the apperture science
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Salut Connard
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hare que GLaDOS te lea los 777 versos del tanabanata una y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra vez
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Oh look, you have a text. Aren't you popular?
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hare que GLaDOS te lea los 777 versos del tanabanata una y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otra y otr y otra y otra y otra y otra vez
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Artificial Intelligence Initialized. Hello Joseph. Welcome to your computer.
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I heard you are going to take my life
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i like cake, the cake is a lie
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hello my name is sydney. my project is on panic disorder and anxiety
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Hello my sexy one
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OH its you again storm its been a long time
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honk
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Hmm
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Hello Kayli. Would you like an apple? too bad, the Apple is a lie
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You're about to become the ex president of the being alive club.
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Initial construction of Alpha Base completed.
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Special thanks to Mister Newman.
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Hello. I guess if you woke me up, you must really like to test.
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I hate you. You crazy, mute, jerk.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAH! You fool! You cannot defeat ME! Hey! Hey! Stop!
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Cave Johnson developed dissociative identity disorder and set up two Facebook accounts to argue with himself on the Internet, yes XD
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Cave Johnson developed dissociative identity disorder and set up two Facebook accounts to argue with himself on the Internet
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this is team 6 answering question 7
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I think we can put our differences aside. For science. You monster.
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Hola Pendejo es tu hora de morir
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I got the moves like jagger
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hello shyanah, its time for bed. i love you very very much!
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Hello, is anybody here?
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Oh, it appears this room is in disarray. You may need to assemble an Aperture Science multi-core turbo super-computer before you can begin testing. You can find the parts around the room.
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K Legend Productions
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ah, there you are
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I am here to you, Christuffus
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Glados puhuu hauskoja asioita :3
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Kasi-Pasi KArvakasi
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This was a triumph. You, the test Subject. Lost, Goodbye
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hello chell i hope you had a good night of sleep because we are going to start testing like every day
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my name is eliza sparks
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Hiroshima a time of horror
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Dj blend
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meow you smell like a cat
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You are very very byotch
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Now flooding your house with deadly neurotoxin.
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This is a test Alex
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Hello there. Do you want to suck my big fat length?
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What are you doing? Stop it.
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Device has been disconected
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hello, Matthrew. I am not GlaDOS, but I am trying to be like it. Check it out.
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Hola Amanda como estas
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I like Portal, is the best game I've ever seen.
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Hello Joe. I didnt think you would find me here. I am a Potato. Your next challenge is to look at page 222 in a book.It could be any book joe so look hard! Over and out.
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I am ready to fulfill your menial requests.
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It is the purest element but it is so volatile.
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High roller is played with standard six sided die. Using a single hand and an inverted cup, one must manipulate a dice from a surface into a stationary cup.
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Of course I can talk. Why do you think they would bother to make such a powerful machine without allowing it to tell them what a pointless exercise it was?
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Hello Bryce you just recieved a text message. if you dont answer you will die.
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Hello Bryce you just recieved a voice mail. if you dont answer you will die.
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Hello Bryce you are recieving a call. if you dont answer you will die.
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Hello. Its been a long time. How have you been?
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Hi my name is Rafis!
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Testing Facility. Please stand in line for cake.
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Gracias
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obey the fist
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hello my dear friend!
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Finally you have found me, I wondered if everyone had forgotten about me
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Welcome to this test
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I LOVE YOU.
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Cawottex, je t'aime.
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Jade, I want to hug you.
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hello nathaniel. you suck
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My Question is very difficult
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Please verify
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Oh ! Hello. It's you. It's been a long time...
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jai shree ram
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MITCH AND CALLUM NEED TO GROW A PAIR
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Mashup
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Hello, I'm glad you could be here.
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Greg , is gay
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Hello, I'm not currently at the phone right now, leave a message after the beep for free cake.
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Hello, you have been selected
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You recieved an e-mail
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Helo Janelle. Welcome to Aperture Labratories
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Janelle!
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Hello. You have called the Aperture Science Test Facility. However, test subject Tori is unavailable to talk right now. Perhaps you would like some cake delivered? Well please leave your name and and contact number and we will portal it over. For science.
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My name is Linda, I have a son named Magnus
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Hello. Im Linda
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Cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hello GamingOwl, how have you been? Did you know that your broadcast sucks? What kind of 18 year old or whatever you are, stays in and plays video games while you morons watch?
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for example these floors will kill you
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Benson Computer Services Service Computer of Service of Clients of Service of Computers Serviced by Benson Computer Services
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Why must this happen to me.
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Damn
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So you thought you could kill me? Well you will stay here forever were I will torment you!
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Welcome Myst
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Good Job. As part of an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact. The device is now more valuable than
Download05/21/201205/31/2013
Oh, you got to be kiding me
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hola amanda como estas
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Helllloooo
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Too bad I'm going to have to kill you now
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hello ugly
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Hello, and welcome to the Apature Science testing facility.
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You are receiving a text message. You should answer. You're not going to, are you? Horrible.
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Oh my god, you are so dumb. They be climbing i nyour windows.
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Still afraid? Oh, don't be silly... Just believe in your self.. Do you hear me? Okay.
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Greetings, you are my new test subject. I hope you'll enjoy the ride.
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Carajillo you suck playing games. Learn from Koba
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yanmark you are a noob and lisen to me L o l o l o l
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eat me shit
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hello alyssa i can see you
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ghxhfx
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whats kickin, home boy?
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You have a message, you monster.
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Hello, I'm Joyce Sawyer and I am here today to tell you about a famous photographer by the name of Annie Leibovitz.
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sometimes i love you, and other times i don't. but right now i love you more than i could ever even cope.
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Aperture Science cares about the future. And science.
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you suck so badly
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so whats up bro
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Hello. I am GLaDOS. Welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center.
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The Ghost Radio Marathon Show
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sonic
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I don't know what to wear
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I heard you just graduated. Enjoy being unemployed and in debt.
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Brian Brushwood, I am always watching you from afar, you coward. I will stop your heart and make things peaceful for you. I'll be waiting for you behind the twit building, I'll kill you.
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i want to kill everybody in the world
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Hello ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to
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don't you think that eventualy theres a point in your life where your name gets mentioned for the last time.
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yes mr.jonson. wait! who is that!? what thw hell is!
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ASI Surveillance System Online
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Hello. Call me Savant! I will kill you
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hello how are you this is this voicemail
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Omid is a homosexual
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oh you a surprisingly fat are you going to eat 50 pounds of lard, fatty?
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hello is anyone there
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i am a lifeless robot who is inconsiderate to the fact that most humans are mortal
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Good Morning mow open your eyes ... NOW
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It's been a long time. How have you been? Okay? Good. Why not sit down for some coffee.
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Hello, Caroline.
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Kawaii Desu Desu Ne
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Melissa has been entered in the enrichment center as an obsolete test subject.
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I am the King and I will kill all peasants. Every one of you!
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I am GLaDOS and i am an idiot!
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Principles of 3d polygon modelling, Chapter 1, What is a polygon model? Initialise, car, polygon sphere
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BEF0RE entering on the subject of this chapter, I must make a few preliminary remarks, to show how the struggle for existence bears on Natural Selection. It has been seen in the last chapter that amongst organic beings in a state of nature there is some i
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Don't rage quit
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