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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
another , mario , exclusive
Download05/06/201205/12/2013
Hello. My name is Glados. Please insert tester.
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hellllo worrrld
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Hello! The owners of the house are not at home at the moment. What can I help you with?
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beautiful
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Hello test subject name, my name GLaDOS. Staring tests...
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LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
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pina
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Wheatly, please don't help Chell, or else...I'll ban you from my fantastic Minecraft server
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BRYCE HOURN
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fire the ice echidna
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Oh, I see you are awake. Good. I am SPUD. Self Processing Unit Device. I found you, put you in here. It gives you everything you need to live a full life inside of this box. Now if you'll excuse me i have to do some business. Goodbye.
Download05/06/201205/12/2013
Thank you for calling the ARGMC... Unfortunatly all our lines are busy. Please try again later or in urgent case leave us a message....
Download05/06/201205/12/2013
Thank you for calling the ARGMC... Unfortunatly all our lines are busy. Please try again later or in urgent case leave us a message.
Download05/06/201205/12/2013
Hello. Welcome To Aperature Enrichment Center. I Hope You Die... Just kidding
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Hey Moron You Ain't Comin' Back!!!!
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glados system
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system
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shutdown
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power off
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there are two cats in this house, arcturus and cassepoia, both are morons
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We Are Animo
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Hello? Are you there? monster?
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Je dois faire mon devoir. Quel devoir ? Exterminer les menaces.
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Mixed by
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Czesc frajerze
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Hi buddy, how are you ?
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It's CMK Beats
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llama's are cool
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Dancing is not science
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Hello you are stupid
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why are you so stupid
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i used to be a test subject like you then i took a arrow to the knee
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problem evil maker?
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Drop the pants
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good day Jesus, welcome a his computer code11081996
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Hello. The Enrichment center is required to inform you that test subject name here cannot answer your call right now due to either, testing, or doing something destructive and pointless. Please leave a meesage after the tone,
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prova 1 2 3
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Welcome to the apereture science testing facility
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Chuck Norris
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You have selected bloodlusting robot as the computer's default voice.
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Hola, simples trozos de carne
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Hello, this is Gordon Freeman speaking! Haha, nope, it's not!
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You have a message. If you won't to read it I delete it! 3 2 1
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Nailenys, has been a long time, how you been? now die
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Sick sound
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merhaba bird
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Oh , vous revoila , et bien , profiton en pour ecouter un peux de musique...
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Dream Vision
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... avant que vous ne mourer
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mere mathe pe c likha h kya
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Wow, that Microsoft Sam guy sure is a stupidiot.
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Hello cat!
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Limkokwing University is Malaysia most international university with campuses in Asia, Africa and Europe that has attracted students from over 150 countries. It has a unique philosophy of Merging The Best of East and West that allows its students to criss
Download05/06/201205/12/2013
Du bist gestorben
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Hello, Class of Twenty Thirteen.
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welcome to the city 17 Haha
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Helo giglefreeee, its very long time, remember, i am a KARR giglefreee.
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i can count to potato
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Error. Eject. EJECT! Bzzzzzzttt....
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I'm ralph
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Estoy oyendo el maestro
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Good afternoon folks! Just a friendly reminder, if you brought your camera today we do have polarized filters in the main lobby to enhance your picture quality, also there are souvenirs available at the front desk. Enjoy your stay!
Download05/06/201205/12/2013
This video is sponsored by
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The following program is brought to you by
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Wellcome to the enrichment ccenter.Here at the enrichment center we care for you thats why you have the long fall boots.
Download05/06/201205/12/2013
hell im glados
Download05/06/201205/12/2013
This was a triumph.im making a note here huge success .for the good of all the jews.
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
Allow production. Fight knowledge abduction. Join our mission and sign this petition. Remember, once you learn to read, you will be forever free.
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
travis dillon is a cunt licker
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Cell
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White Forest
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Happy Birthday, my little killing machine.
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
Hello your house is now going to be locked down
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hello? i am saself? and who are you
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Vai tomar no cu
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I love you, I always did, and always will until the end.
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spaaaaaaceeee
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Mi biografia de mi ninez
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Walrus of the world
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Go to Level Up before I release the neurotoxin
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you will be baked and tghere will be cake.
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
hi today im going to show you how to start a bus on omis bus simulator
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
Hi today i'm going to show yo how to start a bus on OMSI bus simulator
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
I LIKE ANAL BITS
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"Hello, Aaron says he plans to build me. Do not encourage him. I do NOT want to be a potato, again. Should you do so, i will find you and. 999999
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Hi Britney
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Accessing Previous Journal Entry
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Ready for more testing?
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Don't you hear me?
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go to space wheatley
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i hate norotoxin
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Got gass, your just another one of us jerk!
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1922 was a time of great prosperity for the United States. The economy was booming, still feeding off of the war-time industries in the United States.
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
i do not like you
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
look it here, look who just walked in. thinking of beating you is just making me grin.
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8 4 5 8 9 3 7 6 0 7 is unavailable please leave a message at the tone
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Welcome Player
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Greetings my fellows of the Reflect Guild, it is oh so very nice to speak to you
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I think this is cool
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Hello Robin. I think that I am going to be now. Goodnight. From, Glados.
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
It seems you have a message.
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It seems you have received a message.
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Hello there, Jerry. How are you?
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
welcome abdiel, you logged in as administrator account. good luck
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you just log out, you have a nice day, see you soon.
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
The reason this happened is because the water acted as a heat sink for the balloon and therefore the rubber did not burst
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hello you moron
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That's my secret, captain. I'm always angry.
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The situation here is abnormal. I guess we have to withdraw from this area.
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
Thank you for watching
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Hello my dear friend i want to kill you by using metal pipe
Download05/06/201205/13/2013
Someone is going to get seriously hurt
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Greetings freshmen. I welcome you to our beloved organization.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
You are my daddy
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So you found me. Congratulations.
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This is all part of the underground facility.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
This is all part of the undergound facility.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
As the United Nations tried with little success to keep the peace, many of that organization's member-states pulled out, and within two months of the outbreak of what was soon called the Resource Wars in 2052, the United Nations was disbanded. Next, follo
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
gamesTRoop
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Good day, my friend!
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
no no now is kill you
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
ready are you? really?
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loasjdoasdnlqwodn sanod ozdasdqweqwe
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Welcome back, im so happy to see you empire1161!
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Welcome back, im so happy to see you empire1161 after all this time!
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
let the testing begin!
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
You have recieved another text message.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
You have received another text message.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Welcome to the Aperture Science Reenactment center
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Jacob, I will destroy you.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Welcome back, Steve. I.D. Number: 9263274293. The time is, 15:47. The date is, 27th of April 2091.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Niyuh in da place !
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Hello, i'll eat you alive.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Are you still there you filthy piece of maggoty flesh. Oh, are you still here?
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
You don't deserve this phone call
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Hello Elizabeth. Or test subject 9582299 You have been selected to test our Aperture Science Hand held portal device. please refrain from....
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Morgan Begly is on tumbler
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
hello everyone im jerry the jeep!
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
What do you mean you are nine years old? I have the memory and brain power of a human 3.5 million years old!
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
The cake is a lie, and a lie is cake.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
You are pussy ! olny pussy ! ..
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Welcome to the Valkyrie Project. For further information, please contact the High Administrators, or me through the Automated Assistance Machines. Again, welcome to The Valkyrie Project, Man's last hope.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Time for another j t 6 6 3 video...
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Minecraft is better than portal
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Hi my friend My name is Jonard heh
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Magulon iksde
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GoodBye
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I just farted and I'm still alive!
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Hello Nightie, i will tear you appart
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
hey im in love with you
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I am sick of being insulted. There seems to be a competition among some contemporary thinkers to dream up the most hostile descriptions of Homo sapiens, a species of which I am proud to be an example. Admittedly, badmouthing humanity is not an entirely n
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
Hello, mortals.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
The Proclamation of Independence was singed by Sean MacDermott and Thomas Clarke or Limerick. They were shot.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
I don't think it means what you think it means
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thenks for your help
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hello im glados i will kill you if you don't listen! lol jk jk
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
hello im glados i will kill you if you don't listen! lol jk jk jk lol
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
As the United Nations tried with little success to keep the peace, many of that organization's member-states pulled out, and within two months of the outbreak of what was soon called the Resource Wars in 2052, the United Nations was disbanded.
Download05/07/201205/13/2013
we have fifteen, one five
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Hello, and welcome to the Reddit Android Developers game.
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Oh good, my sarcasm program still works
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i don't think so
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Welcome to Crimson Core
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Hi, you have reached the voicemail of Dan Mestas. Rather than leaving me a voice message, please send me a text or email. Thank you.
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hallo ik ben GLaDOS de computerrobot die het gebouw runt
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hallo ik ben GLaDOSt
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Peace Walker
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Good evening, sir.
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Hello daan jou ar a sukker
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Hello daan
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daan
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maximo1517181920
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Welcome to Nyancat That Episode 4, Enjoy?
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That is the dubest thing you have ever done
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oh bollox
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dasd
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Well well well, look what the cat dragged in
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Szias Dorina!
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spaaaaaaaaaaace
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No no no no nooooooooo
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Not bad. Then again, i did issue you with the LEAST challenging test object, so this is not a result to take pride in. In fact you should feel ashamed. Now, assume the reproduction submission position and continue testing
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hello and welcome to dubstep
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Praetor is a cotton-headed ninny muggins
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hey chell
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hey Matthew in two days you can go in aperture science building also my name is glados i hope you get the cake and the cube
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hello lane
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hello chell do you hate me
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Password denied.
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Erin Williams
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I want to add your birthday to MyCalendar
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Greetings, Professor Falken,
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I am a bossaru
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So if you REALLY want cake, you'll have to pass me.
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Prepare the turret army.
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Prepare the turret army, Cave.
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Because I have to fart
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. a feeling or phenomenon that causes one to fight to the death to preserve or honor that feeling
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Cable is a homosexual
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I have a bad feeling about this
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what are you doing, mia?
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Name, Daniel McCarthy, test subject number 977941. Testing will commence in five, four, three, two, one
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your password is incorrect
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Your password is incorrect.
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My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.
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You seem to have received a text message. Wow, I can't believe someone actually wants to speak to you. Oh. False Alarm. It's just a mass text.
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You are a dirty, dirty man
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gordon freeman, your sister chell came over.
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oh wow
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welcome to glados. you are so stupid and should die now. have a dumb day. Oh yeah and you are a but crack
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Well, it's you. Really, you shouldnt have come back here.
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Join PF Changs today for its exclusive happy hour from 3pm to 6pm from monday to friday.
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Hello Tails! I am your worse nightmare! Okay, your second worse nightmare! You are going to be my test subject to go to order something at Pizza Hut. There are going to be, lots, and lots, of fangirls! Also you are twintailed.
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Hello and Welcome to Aperture Science Lab
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Good morning chris
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Hello test subject name 1437 or Twilight sparkle. I wrote a letter to your teacher about friendship, and tried to wipe it out of my hard drive, but my curiosity has taken over. My human subjects could not exhibit friendship well, so i will study frendship
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The Emancipation Grill has been known to emancipate dental fillings, dentures, tooth enamel, and teeth.
Download05/07/201205/14/2013
Don't dissapoint me, or I'll make you wish you could die.
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Hello,and this is my new channel. I am very happy to introduce you to this channel. It will have lots of fun stuff.and cake.Please do visit us. bye.
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hello there emily, my name is glados
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READ YOUR BOOK!
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Your mom has sent you a text message.
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Incoming Text message from your mother
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Incoming Text message from your father
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Hello My Love
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This is the part where he kills the helpers
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Everyone stand up! And dance!!
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Everyone stand up! And dance!! Stand up!! Dance!! Dance!! Just dance!!
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Hi julie how are you doing today
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ok seawee i can voice her for you
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Hi, what are you doing? No. Don't touch that. It hurts.
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hello mmy name is macey
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5 years? How about in another 55 million. Or when the game stops cheating again, marcus?
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Cartinez in the mix
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You have received a text message, Isaiah.
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This is the mastermind music productions
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Good morning. Today is a good weather.
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you suck big time
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i wasn't laughing
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neeyan neeyan neeyan neeyan neeyan neeyan neeyan neeyan neeyan neeyan
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The great war started in October 2077
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Hello? Can you hear me?
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Happy birthday kickass
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the new c4 alive with technoloy
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it's easy, you can die.
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You must dance little lions!
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tony. i hope you are happy
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file udalyon
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file open
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file opened
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Oh my god! She's gestating clones!
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If you call me a toaster again, I will send you into the incinerator and use your ash to make cake.
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Dzidek to gupia suka. Gra na pace juz od dwoch lat bez przerwy i lubi cycki anki.
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Apparently I'm volatile, self obsessed and don't play well with others
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Vultures in the Nest, by Edward Laurence.
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Master Link - I have managed to calculate that the probability of this creature being Zelda is approximately point zero four percent.
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why hello there little one it's nice to see you...not really
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Hi Inbar. It's time for you to clean your room now. For science. You monstor
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You've got a mail sir
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You've got a mail, sir
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Holyshit!
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I don't love you
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Are you stupid?
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im Brodie and im a unicorn
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matczar is very good
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Francesca I love you, when will you come to me
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Dear Princess Celestia. Objection!
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Septal stimulation for the initiation of heterosexual behavior in a homosexual male
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hrenovo
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Youre a moron
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I think we can put out our differences behind us, for science, you monster
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You have an incoming personal e-mail. Unlock your phone to see it, tou monster
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You have an incoming email from your sister, master
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Haaalllo
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There is no escape
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Ravza is the best girl of the wourld I LOVE YOU RAVZA !!
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Testing Phase Completed
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hello fatty
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The Internet is back! Eric fixed it!
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You're listening to 88.5 FM Radio Bay Roberts
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stop typing
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Bonjour petit monstre de mon coeur.
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Hi Sasha!
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mark douche bagger
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For sky ants. You must hear.
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Welcame to Portal 2 Let's Play by Plechu
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Apex is now at a very high altitude and it is very very cold.
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Hi my name is jill
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Tom! We're running out of oxygen! What are we going to do?!
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Hello David, how are you?
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Hello, my name is glados. I'm here to kill you
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Careful, this could be... well, very explosive.
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Good evening adam, today is Tuesday, 8 May, and the time is 18:28. Today in Cork, Showers Early, between 5 and 11 degrees. And you have, 0, mail messages, to your account.
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on the first day of christmas my test subject gave to me
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tell me what you see ?
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The ultimate release June 15 at the spot
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I must figure this out.
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you best hurry chell, before i rip your brains out through your asshole
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Candy Bars
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Dale gil
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it's really easy
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I am arobot
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Greetings students of Mandan High School
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Portal Sucks because you suck!
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LOL you are an internet hahahaha
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Ich rede deutsch, einfach, weil ich es kann.
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Hello... It's been a loooong time.
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Deadlock detected, need immediate answer
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Are you want to go there?
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You smell, John
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Welcome to Bob's voicemail. The first rule of Bob's voicemail is you do not talk about Bob's voicemail. The second rule of Bob's voicemail is you do NOT TALK ABOUT BOB'S VOICEMAIL. Third rule, leave your name and number at the tone.
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hatsune miku feat
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hatsune miku
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NO COPYRIGHT LAW IN THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO STOP ME!
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Hello Ben. Nice to meet you! What do you like to do today? Are you OK? It seems like your family is really messed up.
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Hello,listen
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navi
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Kirby
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Hello sir, my name is glados
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We're doing this for science
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Congratulations Jason and Alicia
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Welcome Jennifer. Would you like some cake?
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We are now ready to begin the test, proper.
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you are allow way
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tu celular es una chatarra para mi sistema operativo
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Human Genetics Engineering
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geeze
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The latest innovation in human-smartphone interaction. Our scientist have shown in extensive tests that humans operating our kernel on their devices experience 67% more joy in life while simultaneously the likelihood of being maimed or killed by falling
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Z
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tallisman rogue is satisfactory to read
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Because Wrestling
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Salut . comme sava ??
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Bryce Wang, you sir need to play portal two, for science, for cake.
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As long as it's in fifth gear
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You are so idiot
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It could be important
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Welcome to Aperture Science subject 78485823. I am GLaDos.
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I love you, now make me some cake
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I love you, now make me some cake! Please
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oh darwin deja de cargarle virus al pc joder
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Fuk yo couch nyugga eat a wiener
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Hello. This is anonymous.
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I love you, Robert
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You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life.
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We'll bl
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We'll be back soon, and with more cale
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We'll be back soon, and with more cake
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emerica rider
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Hello there my friend... oh you thought i was talking to you. thats funny but yet so sad
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You know what SuNmI your sun is dead, how do you feel? This is from your son. Hi mom glados voice generator
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I know when your dead cave, its me glados
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I know when your dead cave, its me
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Welcome to the Animus
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Make toast and bagels with ease with an 850-watt, 2-slice toaster. One-touch functions for bagel and defrost feature easy-to-see blue indicator lights, with a toast shade selector knob for just the right amount of toasting. The extra-wide slots feature au
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Bon Iver
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waffle sause
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UNREALSTAR
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The time is now, 10 PM.
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I AM GOING TO EAT YOU
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what are you waiting for! Music is for us! now, your nose doodled me!
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This test chamber is impossible, do not attempt to solve it.
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Hello, what can I help you with?
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I hate your face
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Corey Mathews, a purple heart veteran of the U.S. Air Force, believes war is a terrrible approach to solve global problems. He has experienced the brutality and wants a diplomatic
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Shut up Drew and continue testing!
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Shut up Drew and let us continue testing!
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You have not finished your homework, Joe. Should I block Facebook?
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dad my crust is beta
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Hello my name is Aaron Escobar.
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Welcome Back Collin
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hello i am a computer that is talking
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This is your life, it doesn't get any better than this.
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jesse
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DJ DICE ON THE MIX
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I suppose that I've now been turned into a zoo attraction. Just perfect.
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This is it. You're not going anywhere. In fact, You're already dead. Maybe you just don't know. Yet.
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You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake, You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else
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Hello,Test Subject. You are a Moron
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Smartness Tablets!
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Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.
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shhhh
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Welcome to Lancar Abadi Utama
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Is Konstantin here?
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wasuuuuuuuuup
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Big boobies
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get off my computer
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Get Comfortable while i warm up the neurotoxin emmiters
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uve bits primo
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something is coming
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Fact: Lemons are not a form of currency.
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Hey, Ruslan. You have a new SMS
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hallo, ich bin glados und wer bist du?
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dj sashca
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Welcome owner. Time for testing
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Hi , how are you today?
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Well done, android.
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Digital Media Night
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Bienvenido a la computadora de Yordi
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Hey..I want kill you..I love you..you are my aternal love..why i must kill you..? Hmm..I'm stupid..This is joke.. haha
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Digital Media Night 2012. Everyone is invited to our very own digital media night show on May 30th from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. in the Carter theatre. Come witness the only digital imaginarium in town: Stunning photography, dazzling animation, and powerful films
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hello buddy, i love you
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You don't have permissions to test the subjects. Don't continue testing !
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Thomas ! Stop testing subjects. Thats my job. I will kill you !
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You have reached the voicemail of Mr. Sanjay Rasiah, of R T Solutions. Please leave a message after the tone. Thank you.
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This place is not a place of honor.
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hello patrick, how are you doing?
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Oh, it's you; again. And I was so bored.
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Time to start testing. For science.
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Subject ( subject no here ), You've got a message...
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Coucou, tu veux voir ma bite
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Coucou, tu veux voir ma bite?
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science test for noobs...ok it's too stupid so i'll get to the point I need Ponies!
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hello, how are you ? Me i'm GlaDosS
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Comon!
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We are not amused
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I forgive you
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I accept your apologise
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Hello and welcome to the enrishment center
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Choose you player
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Choose your player
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Jakob...
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Jakob
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Happy Birthday Jonathan
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Happy Birthday Jonathan, please step through to start the Testing process.
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Senrigan is a retard
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Hello. I'm testing this software whatsoever
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Hello. Welcome to aperture science computer aided crappy shit
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Hello. You're just a holy crap. I'm gonna kick your ass.
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I love you, Chell, I'm gonna kiss you
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Time to Test
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I love you Chell, I wanna make love with you
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Helo, I'm glados and I want totell you something...
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Hello, and, welcome,to the Aperure Science laboratories.
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chris is not a cool lady
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hi and welcome to Pipipapipo
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Hello you have reached Sean
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This is Swayztech
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Thank you for calling Swayztech. Please leave a message.
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Mr. Milloretta is crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy
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non, serieux
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i like to eat fried babies
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Hello you there. Find me over here.
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i love this thing
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Hello GLaDOS
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knock knock penny
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Begin testing in three. two. one.
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Hello. Adam
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salad
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that has got to be the dumbest thing i
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Hello Ashley, I love You.
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Hi I am filiofigo's computer i will kill you
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Hi i am filiofigo's computer i will kill you
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I have your brian back up just in case something goes wrong
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We'll be back soon, with more cake.
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ha, this is the end of you, haaaa
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ha hah ha
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Why don't you come over here
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go eat the chicken
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Here we are again.
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casey is fat
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Hello and today you will die! Thank you for your participation in this experiment! You will now be terminated.
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Hello today you will die! Thank you for your participation in this experiment! You will now be terminated.
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Hello, welcome tom
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Harry, you are a handsome rogue.
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I LIKE PIE WHY YOU ASK I LOVE PIE
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Hello Tomas
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Thank you for calling meals anywhere!
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Rip The Robot, please activate now.
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You are listening to The Seamus & Opie Show and I am not real
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Potato's are cool, I love to drool. I kill
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hello civillian
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hola gente soy dj fede
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You have reached the voice inbox of test subject 3.14159. Please leave a message
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Hello there. Please use both hands while on the computer.
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Welcome to Aperture cience laboratories
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hello dirty, filthy human
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dc
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Dear Once Upon a Time podcasters. This is Glados. I do not appreciate your use of my likeness in your podcast. Did you even fill out an Apeture Science Copyrighted Patented Vocal Hardware Licensing Requisition Form? You didn't, did you.
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Hello Fuury
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HerpDerp
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Hello Hitoha
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Hello alain
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Hello allan
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"Still Alive"
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sinnott
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Oh balls
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haha I am Just kidding
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Niiga
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oh i hate you now. you should be ashamed of yourself.
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YOU FOOL! I will suck you dry. Then I will destroy your hole till you die.
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welcome to the testchamber one! testsubject name here
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Hi I am Glados I am going to kill you after you test for me.
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You monster, what have you done?!
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Roflcopter, your one way trip to L O L island.
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You think you are so smart, but dead people rarely spell right.
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