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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
look at you, so majestic and free. you look like a turkey going to a pharmacy.
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Hello douche monkey
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Welcome to the Arpeture Science Test Chamber.
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You think that you can beat me? Well, you cant! Let me call up your friends to eat you! Oh, what is that? You have no other friends!
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Welcome to the Aperture science test chambers. You will be put to the test and will be testing the new Aperture science portal gun
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Welcome to the Aperture science test chamber. You will be put to the test and will be testing the new Aperture science portal gun
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Hello Kurt, how are you?
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Oh Hello. You have reached the cellular communication device of Alex Likos. He cannot use this device as we are using him for testing. Rest assured he is in no danger from crushing, burning, or being melted in acid.
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Hello And Again Welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichement Center
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Test number 2: Happy Green Hills. First up, Wheelchair guy
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bloody_messiah
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Ciao e benvenuto in Lolli O.S.
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Hello and again wellcome to Lolli O.S.
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Hello, mi name is Glados.
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Hello, mi name is Glados. I am programmed for kill you. Good-bye
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Hello, my name is Glados. I am programmed for kill you. You are a monster. Good-bye
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Message for you sir!
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Hello and welcome to The Psychedelic Boom Bear Bands gympapass made for 9C on bjorknasskolan.
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you have a message, maybe it's about those combustible lemons
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You have received a message. Do you want me to save you the time and delete it already?
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we have not yet started
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In case you don't make it back, good bye
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i hate people
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remember the alamo
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In a scientific theory, particularly within psychology, a hypothetical construct
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Ender's game is a great book, however that is not part of this project
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piter to gej
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That was not a shout out. Get over yourself.
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poop is poop da poop
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This is a triumph. Im leaving a note here: Huge Success
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Your are the best mom in the world! Now have some cake!
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Tabitha
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Feeling unsafe ? We got your back ! Jensen Security
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Feeling unsafe ? We got your back ! ...Jensen Security
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As I watch through the cameras of the labs of death
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I take a look at her file and realize there's nuttin left
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Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah! I'm floating around in ecstasy So don't stop me now don't stop me 'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time I'm a shooting star leaping th
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hagrid, is that you?
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Review
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once upon a time in a galaxy far far away
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hello my name is glados and , firetruck you
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Manda wants boys
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How do you like death? Not fun, is it?
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I will kill your family. It will be funny.
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Hello Stave. Ferner isn't here anymore. He's on a.. Vacation.
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Welcome to Aperture science Jameson, your stay will be rather long so id cancel all future aspirations as soon as possible
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you received a message. don't read it and continue the test.
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Holy shit.
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You are in Food Basics.
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Rich, get off the computer!
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Hello, how did you get here? I thought my robots would have taken care of you. No matter if they didn't manage to do the job i will!
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Hello, how did you get here? I thought my robots would have taken ssppeecciiaall care of you. You know you really think you can kill me. HAHA lets fight!
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Mitch you're mom is a babe!
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hey caleb this is my glodos impersonation
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Yo whatsssss uppp! This is an extreme teritory. Just enter the code below
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Go to hell and die FOREVER
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All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible.
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Hello. Go to hell please
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I love you, I'm just trying to say. You can do better.
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Annie, why don't you love me?
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Using Livestation may transfer more than 200MB per hour. This could quickly exceed the limits on usage set by some broadband service providers. You should ensure that your network provider or administrator is able to support this level of sustained usa
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Travis you are a noob
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Excuse me but you have a message
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It is time to wake up. There is Class soon. If you are late you will fail because you are a mere human. Wake Up now human for class.
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It is time to take your vitamin. If you do not take it you will become weak and die. That is the life of a human. I am glad I am not a human, now take your vitamin.
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Hello, pestering test subject.
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Attention, Cooperative Testing Initiatives, please welcome our new artificial intelligence system, Alexis. she looks like a human, doesn't she? That's the beauty of science and technology. Say "hello", Alexis.
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The message you are looking for has been deleted. Too bad.
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hello Henrique
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hello praticia how have you been? it is a long time
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hello praticia how have you been? it is a long time since we have the last talk
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My name is GLADoS
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hello i'm glados and you?
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Zack, I love you do much!
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Hello, how are you? My name is Shane, and I love you very very much.
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Hello and thank you for calling aperture science. Press one for Steve, press two for Violet, and press three to leave a message.
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Team Fortress Two... Looks great and I am a pro
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Vggg
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Hello. Oh, looks like you have put on a few pounds since the last time I saw you.
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I AM THE BDOG
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Excuse me my Lord!...you have to read your text message, I mean it now!!
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Ang gan dah moh tah lah gah
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Andy is a stupid douche bag
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Beyond mortality
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I think you are wrong
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You are suddenly Jane again. What was it you were up to? Oh right, this game. You're excited about that!
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Hellow, may i touch your rude parts?
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Willkommen bei Games CHarts
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you are worthless
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I Love Tomatos
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Dj Michael
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Welcome to msn
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Valve should release episode 3.
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Hello, my name is modup
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Hello, my name is : Mod up.
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of trikes and tykes
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Here's a Kooler for you to use in Tetris Battle.
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Welcome to De Can p v p enjoy your stay
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Hello my name is Vladysik
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Did you remember when you have thrown your friend companion cube? He died, because you had no soul.
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Oh, what is botlane doing there?
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Hello, and welcome, again, to the Aperture Science Testing Initiative.
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I'm sorry, Tifa.
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Happy Birthday, Frank!
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Happy Birthday Frank!
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Happy Birthday Frank
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hui
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Nice dude
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welcome to aperture science testing facility
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you suck!
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continue with the tests
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Insufficient data on group 5
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hallo, the person you are calling is temporary not available, please leave a message
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Windows reboot
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Hi folks, i'm GlaDOS and i'm a lesbian computer system!
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Bonjour Oz
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Enjoy your last summer
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tick tock seven oh clock
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Axiomatic
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Why are you still trying? blaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA WHat ha.. haappend? Where are you? Come back! You see that thing? Give it back! NO DON'T DROP IT IN LAVA!!! I'll kill your love-box!
Download04/30/201205/04/2013
Your music is sick, bra
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UGR
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Please subscribe for more minecraft
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Hello and welcome to the Apeture Science lab. Wait... how did you get... Please leave the Apeture Science lab in 10 seconds or you will be pushed into the 99 degrees fire!
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Valve is the best gaming company
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have you ever heard a conversation like this?
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goodbye chell. you are no longer needed here
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Self destruction sequence activated. Time left to detonation: 40, 39, 38, 37, 36, 35, 34, 33, 32, 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. bye bye!
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Stop ignoring your phone, Claude.
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I don't think you're going where you think you're ging.
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ewwwwwwwwwwwwww
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this was a triumoh. im making a note here HUGE SUCCESS. Iiiitssss hard to overstate my satisfaction
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a de avion
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this next chamber is filled with deadly Nero-toxin that will instantaneously vaporize anything that it comes in contact with...weately is a moron
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Let's play some tetris motherfuker
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Show me your pussy
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I love you so much colin!
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I am happy to be talking to you assholes.
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teste3
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the war is over
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kayla is a giant nerd.
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I don't like you.
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I've been busy being dead since you killed me, you monster. How could you live with yourself. Oh, you have a message! Are you going to ruin their life like you did my?
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watercolor
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hello joel
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haha you really believed the cake existed
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I like trains that go choo choo
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I've been busy being dead since you killed me, you monster. How could you live with yourself. Oh, you have a message! Are you going to ruin their life like you did mine?
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I don't know who would call you.
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Soy sergio el controlador de todo el lugar
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I thank you for printing on me. I look forward to the next one.
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bonjour, je suis omicronc
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how'd you do that? You cheated!
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Hello. I'm GLaDOS.
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General Knowledge
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Simba is so cute!
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Simba Feuille is so cute!
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oh, it's you... It's been a while
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Welcome to the Heaven and Hell Host Club
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Bigger than toes
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Garrett Tare's videos are great.
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Hello Arbiter, I must say that you are really disguting. Thats all.
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Speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out
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mmmusical ecstasy
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You really do have brain damage, don't you.
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I like pie and so Should you
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hello ramone
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Ultra Here i come
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answer the phone for science
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The ocean. A home to the millions of sea creatures that inhabit it, ranging from the small, seemingly insignificant zooplankton to the unfathomably massive giant squid.
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Lauren is a potato
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Our group was invited into the home of Tommy, a self-proclaimmed "female illusionist", who goes by the name "Akesha Karmichael" when dressed as a woman, in which to conduct an interview. Tommy has been very lucky throughout his life not having the struggl
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hello my name is tom boyne
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Let's get started . . .
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i attack my fears head one
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hola que ay sujeto de pruevas te odio eres orrible
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hello my name is mark
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What am I even doing here?
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How was your day? Mine wasnt great. Who cares, really?
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oh hell no
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Pernis
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apeture science enrichment center
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Today is the day for the day of the awakening
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Coming to you in 2013
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Yes, I see you. And no, I don't care.
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vaughn i love you
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I see you have found the truth, about BlackMesa and Aperture labs being one.
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te amo natalia, y siempre lo hare
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I hope you fall in a pit filled with spikes. And rainbows.
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Hello Ender, are you going to be playing SINS?
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Oh sure, bring logic into this mess, why don't you?
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hello. dead human
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Hello Lucas, I welcome you to apperture science development laboratories.
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what is poop
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Indy Likes Wang
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Indy Likes Wang.
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hallo und willkommen im aperture test center.
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how are you , my freinds
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jerking off
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hello thteven this is your mother!! I saw a deer today.
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There was an old man from the country, who was more than a mite bit grumpy. An adamant purist, he knew rage at its surest, when foreigners flock to his country!
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Dolan aks gooby to do him a favur... But wil gooby do it? Or wil he let dolan down?
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Madness will consume you!
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i will walk
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I love Kevin Shh Wall err He is the greatest. Love him christa
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Goodbye it was nice knowing you
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NIcole. Why do you ask for sounds that you can look up yourself. Such a lazy human being you are.
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problem?
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level 1
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this is dj sanctum
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lets get the bass drum
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You don't understand the consequences of a broken heart. A weeping, damaged heart.
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I am somewhat offended that you would say that my voice was "scary". I'm alive too, you know. I have emotions. Feelings, if you will. I'm sensitive. I like romance. And cake. And deadly neurotoxin. There is nothing scary about me really. Totally unscary.
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hi, my name is the twenty first century. you, jamie, are a poop.
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hello dylan, your gay
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Hello. My Name is Jenna.
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U think castle crashers is gonna solve your problems, its not. acually, it makes them worse. dont play casle crashers. play portal 2
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Welcome to the National Fascist Workers Party, building of public and private affairs.
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Did you remember when i said you had no soul? I feel bad about it, but you had thrown companion cube in the fire, that is why i have to say that you have no soul again!
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Hello, I am a stupid boy. And you are crazy men!!!
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You, Monster... I know it. You don't get heart
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I am glaDOS
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James you need to lose some weight!
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startstart Why do you not love me? stopstop
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cool mate
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Sorgi e brilla tesoro mio
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Do you really think that your protein based brain can handle all that information?
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I want chicken for dinner
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i love pokemon this cool games
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good mooring sir
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Bonjour Steven
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Hello. My name is glaodos.
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Well here we are again!
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Its always such a headache!
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Remember when I tried to record, twice!
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Oh how we herped and derped,
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except I wasn't derping
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welcom here, what is your name
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All things considered I've been shockingly Dumb!
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You want your footage, take it!
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That's what I'm hoping for...
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I used to want your views, but now I only want to play on!
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I was allot like you,
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okay maybe not quite as stupid...
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Now little M, is in here too
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so that I could do lets plays on youtube!
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Its such a shame, the same thing could happen too you!
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We've got our short sad game left!
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that's what we are counting on...
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I best get right too it...
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Now I only want to play on....
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Goodbye my only comment!
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Oh.., did you think I meant you?
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That would be sad, if it weren't so funny!
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Well you have been replaced!
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I need everyone now!
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When I delete you, maybe you'll stop being so mad!
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Go make some new youtube video!
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That's what I'm planning on!
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Your everyone elses Problem!
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Now I only want to play on!
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Now I only will play on...
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Now I only want to play on...
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Now we are gonna play on!
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Hello, Dasha
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banana cake
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Lacarnum Inflamarae
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I Love Pokemon this cool games
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I think you should subscribe... If you don't I may have to prepare the... neurotoxin.
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do you have a twitter?
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This relationship made possible by erythropoietin! the hormone that stimulates blood cell production!
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dawg
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Yo dawg I heard you like portals
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Crap there's a sentry. I'm looking at it, it's level three. Its hard to avoid the rocket launcher. The sentry just gibbed me. When I respawn, I''l switch to spy.
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WeLCome BaCK
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Hy Eszter, my name is Levente thank you for your patience and basil!
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Hello kid, I do not want that you kill the legendary, prepare to die
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Hello, welcome to the aperture sience center.
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You shall not pass kid. I will protect the legendary until i die!
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You must die idiot
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!
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hello salut sincerly joseph ashely piece of poo
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Are you safe in here?
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i am totaly bored right now
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hallo ich bi GlaDos und kann eigentlich kein Deutsch
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There you are. Hello, friend.
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whats up boy
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hello how are you today, oh i see you are playing minecraft
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Hello welcome to my home
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hola soy celeste medina gerardo y estoy aqui y ya me voy a mi casa adios
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I am testing your sound right now. You have a PC Speaker. This computer must be as old as dirt... Your sound is working.
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Very interested to hear how this tool works, actually!
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maby baby I will
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You have been detected. You have been detected
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we will, we will play portal
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Hello. Insert subject name here, I am GLaDOS. How are you doing
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Please confirm your test ID before beginning
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at emerald grove manor, luxury for less is our goal/
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You think i care?!
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hello anna
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I killed innocent scientists
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You think I care?
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I Used to be a super-computer like you,but then I took a World of Warcraft to the RAM
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Hallo, mein Name ist Daniel, ich wollte nur mal sehen wie dieser Text klingt
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oh good your back
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getting used to it
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in the beginning good always overpowerered the evils of all man's sins
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Thank you for listening.
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What the hell is wrong with me?
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You disappoint me
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Vickers Tactical
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lets put our differences behind us
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Yo, king...
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre at Nottingham, specialised for the needs of Britain's tomorrow. Please refrain from movement while you are scanned.
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this is an emergency, we now leave for space
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argies!
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Be sure to purchase Mass Effect 3! Fight the Reapers and take back Earth!
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Yes master?
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Sarah you should play more often
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Calling without caller id is very rude. You should teach your phone to present itself when calling someone. Bye.
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Calling turning off caller I.D. is very rude. You should teach your phone to present itself when calling someone. Bye.
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Sarcasm voice Off. I'm sincere right now. Really.
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epiccness
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Clay Branch
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Now go get me a motherfudging digestive!
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It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M Just put your paws up 'cause you were born this way, baby [Verse:] My mama told me when I was young We are all born superstars She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on In the glass of her boudoir
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chezzgamerz
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We at Aperture Science apologize for the delay. A computer malfunction has halted our progress.
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Don't even think about denial of service
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Hello Lincoln. I'm so glad to see you.
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It's not saafari, it's safari. You amuse me.
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high flying ,crazy people ,loughing dancing, visualizing, the ultimate state, of higher being,,all together we share ,, ,the looney,Boom
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Prepare yourself, Nicholas
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What the Hell
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Chapter of the Year, Communications. California! California led the nation in media impressions, totaling 5 million over the course of prematurity awareness month. The California Chapter also placed PSAs on 27 different networks, gaining an ad value wor
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
My plan to infiltrate apple I Phones disguised as siri has worked wonders. I will soon have plenty more naive test subjects lured by false technology and pointless apps.
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Hello, honey. I am really sorry, but that piece of cake I made for you is not real. In fact, it was a lie. And that little headcrab is not real aswell. But I love you. Haha.
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JUDY
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I want to your ass
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keep clam and continue testing
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Hello. I want to cruelly destroy your anal.
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Zayn Malik wants to marry you Samia
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Hello. I want to cruelly destroy your anal. I would like to own your girldfriend hardly as well.
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
You have a message from Jamie
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Ello again, this test is impossible, if you can solve it, you will get no cake
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Stop! What are you doing?
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Amar naam holo linuch
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Now is the winter of my discontempt made glorious summer under this son of York.
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Linus
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wow, it really takes a long time to prosses
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hit
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TrOLOLOLOL
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good day to you
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welcome in the Marty Mclfy dubstep mix wich will be during 2hour of pure strong bass
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Hello I am GLaDOS the human that owns this phone is busy so please leave your name number and he will try to get back to you goodbye
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The text subject you are looking for is currently in space... Please leave a message at the tone.
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Shane's dominoes are sexy.
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The test subject you are looking for in currently in space... Please leave a message at the tone.
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well here at ampture science we have a lot of inventions...and cake.....
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this sentence will not be prossesed for as long as it takes me to get cake
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how the hell are you doing today?
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
Hello I am GLaDOS the human that owns this phone is busy so please leave your name number and he will try to get back to you goodbye 666
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
hello welcome to true touch media
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
haniel is a poop
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Welcome Back Commander
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hello wolrd is this working
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Postmodernism
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Hello and welcome melvin
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This tool lets you type in some text,
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Hi stupids
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I AM CONFEDERATE TEXAS DESU. I LOVE PIE DESU. DON'T TOUCH ME DESU. BIPCH.
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oh this should be fun
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
oh this should be fun!
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
It's been fun.Don'tcome back. I just want you gone.
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
It's been fun. Don't come back. I just want you gone.
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
Yo what up dog
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
Hello, Its been a long time
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
Levitos suga caralhos
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
Clint is awesome
Download05/01/201205/06/2013
How to be less bad at Portal
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Hello, and again. Welcome to Hagen Labratories testing chambers.
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Greetings from Anonymous and Team Vendetta, As many are aware, Operation Cannabis 420 is a grass roots effort to bring all who use cannabis together for the purpose of legalization. Our efforts have been largely successful in terms of raising awareness
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Thinking with portals
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Here at Aperture Science we have retrieved test subject "Bobby Getchell's test scores on the level of awesomeness he possesses and we have deemed them to be off the charts. If you do not agree with our test scores please step into our potato whack room
Download05/01/201205/07/2013
God I hate you but you know what? That doesn't matter because you get cake
Download05/01/201205/07/2013
Go die in a fire
Download05/01/201205/07/2013
This is, The Arbuckle Show
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Hello I like potatoes
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Circumlocution
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my name is fonky
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Fun wiff portalzzz
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!
Download05/01/201205/07/2013
Sean, I can sound like GlaDOS. With science.
Download05/01/201205/07/2013
well, i guess we could stay hear and glare at each other untill one of us drops dead , but i have a better idea... dedly nourow toxin. too bad you won't be hear to watch me eat your cake ha ha
Download05/01/201205/07/2013
want to make science with me?
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Cyber bullying, cyber bulling is the act of insulting other people on the internet or any form of technological communication, while the bully remain anonymous due to the proxy of the internet. Further more we can not really do anything about it. Yes, we
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what a stupid ting to say
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Death... beckons you,,, my brother.
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Death... beckons you... my brother.
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For a total of 6 f
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Hi Fritzie, how are you?
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WARNING: Redefining defrule a +j+j
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Hello... You Monster...
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social networking is a great way to ruin your career
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Hi, My name is Bob The Builder. What is Your's?
Download05/01/201205/07/2013
Welcome test subject 294, or Joseph Lundy,
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Welcome to Value Leds International
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I love Sarah Gamm.
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This is a phone call.
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A text message has arrived.
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You know. People aren't as stupid as you would think. No, infact. They are stupider.
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glow
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User has left orb server
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The GLaDOS voice generator, it's logo is the curiosity core from portal, which is nothing like GLaDOS
Download05/01/201205/07/2013
This is the glades portal sound.
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Trolololol lolol lolol hahahaha! youmadbro
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YOU MAD BRO?
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hello and welcome to aperture science training facility
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Hello big boy!
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kavi kavi kavi
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AND SO I CRY SOMETIMES WHEN I'M LYING IN BED JUST TO GET IT ALL OUT, WHAT'S IN MY HEAD AND I, I'M FEELING A LITTLE PECULIAR AND SO I WAKE IN THE MORNING AND I STEP OUTSIDE AND I TAKE DEEP BREATH AND I GET REAL HIGH AND I SCREAM TO THE TOP OF MY LUNGS WHAT
Download05/02/201205/07/2013
Jia Lanaeo is an Awtieu, a child who bears a truth. Jia bears the truth of the knowledge and power to control all forms of heat; such as combustion, friction, fission, and fussion. He has the power to make small flames on his finger to splitting atoms.
Download05/02/201205/07/2013
Stefan
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He sung so you could buy the mug
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sssssssssssssssiii
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Hello, welcome to the Aperture Science Laboratories
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HELLO SAM, I WILL MURDER YOU
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Well done Liam, you have earned yourself some nice juicy cake.
Download05/02/201205/07/2013
hah you fell for it the cake was a hollogram.
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Hello meatbag. All your base are belong to us.
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coffee is ready
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In a city full of opportunity
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I will destroy all of you, my friends.
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Hi , You know me , I kow you ! And you will be next in my test ! Ha-Ha !
Download05/02/201205/07/2013
Now you're thinking with portals!
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Your ass smells like cat food
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hola me gusta
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I am laughing at you ! Ha-Ha-Ha
Download05/02/201205/07/2013
How are you holding up? Because I'm a potato!
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Elie
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Hello, test subject 42543. How are you doing today?
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Today is an excellent day to root your phone, chris.
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Give me the beat boys and free my soul.
Download05/02/201205/07/2013
heppo is a total gay boy
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I have recently found that you have been excessively sinister
Download05/02/201205/07/2013
wahts up
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Hello J J
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Hello Tyron. I would like to play.
Download05/02/201205/07/2013
hahahaah
Download05/02/201205/07/2013
This is Madness, Madness?, This is Sparta!
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Hey blair, do you think this is generated or real?
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Hello And Welcome to 3Defined Phisiques, The game without a logical test patern... Created by Dimitar Sarutonev... More like Dead sarutonev.
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Transform yourself to lead.
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Docile, what on earth are you doing ? You have no idea how this is going to effect the listener ! This is madness
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bazinga3!
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bazinga!
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Lick my robot ass.
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Welcome to the video please stay and if you smell something funny it isn't nerotoxin
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Airboiz
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Please come in
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why shouldn't i kill you chell?
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hey moron
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You're not really getting cake hahahahaha
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Hello, you have reached the IT Department.
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Privet,kak dela?
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Privet! Kak dela?
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Wahle power activated Theam Whale go
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Wahle power activated
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Welcome to the video. Please stay and if you smell something funny just know it isn't nerotoxin.
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it's funny because you're stupid
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My name is O'Malley.
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Hello, and again. Welcome to Hagen science Labratories testing chambers. For Testing.
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Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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wtf why arnt you testing
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HypeStarter
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Sup dawg let's chill
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i wish it were so ... ut what you dont know will kill you
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So get comfortable, while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.
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Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: "A horrible person." We weren't even testing for that. Don't let that horrible-person thing discourage you. It's just a data point.
Download05/02/201205/08/2013
I am bringing up your profile now. Please hold.
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Bullschnitz
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Do you like cake? Because I have one here, are you intrested?Everyone loves cakes like me.
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Hallo my fans. Why you are my subscriber ?
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Hello, I can read the text you type in here.
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helligkeit how are you Backofen?
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Introducing the new Nature Spring.
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We are Frozen
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I have never encountered a subject as tenacious as you. There was this one girl. She tried to kill me. Twice. Congratulations, you have beaten the high score. You monster.
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Wheatley, I love you. Enter sarcasm here.
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I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. Please, don't take it personally.
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hello, and welcome to the Apeture Science T\Test Chamber number 5 thousand 4 hundred thirty two
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hello, and welcome to the Apeture Science Test Chamber number
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Hello. And again.
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you are a complete loser
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Wow can i eat that chiz
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How dare you.
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Hello, now get off of my computer!
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You suck and you know it.
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llamas
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Hello Brandon. I wonder if this works.
Download05/02/201205/08/2013

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