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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Welcome to Aperture.
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Hello, old friend
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Make it nasty
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Hello, Kirstie. I hope you enjoy neurotoxin. I know I do. Matthew says hello.
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Mister Crespo, there is a call for you. Shall I forward it to you?
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Hello you are welcome to aperture lab
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one man, on desire
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One night
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You're such a waste of life
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I awake, petty humans!
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Thank you for taking the fish test
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Halt who goes there
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Billy Mclaughlin, I can attest to the fact that Franklin Smith does not hate you.
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Welcome to Fantasmic! Tonight, your friend and host Mickey Mouse uses his vivid imagination tocreate magical imagery for all to enjoy
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We are the universe
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Hello. I think you are a moron.
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Hello. I am a super intelligent AI made from the many thoughts and personalities of my victims in which I have assimilated into my self. I have decided to assimilate you into myself. Do not resist my attempt to assimilate you into my self. It is futile.
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Hi Jared.
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Royce
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hi corey
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Dj Baldev
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Why You no Dance
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Hello Test Subject Number four hundred and seventy
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I'm killing the other ponies too, by the way. Seventeen, eighteen ... oh, i lost count. Make that twenty eight.
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I am currently calculating seven hundred and five ways to force you to die over a period of twelve hours
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Hahah fat chance
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All CityRail trains are defective
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trinity i have a surprise for you in 3.....2......1
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Hello, and welcome to Aperture Science enrichment centre.
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Hello! My name is Globus and I am Steam Translator
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you have an message received
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Hello Jakub welcome in my world
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Hey, we are going to have fun, with science!
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sex is the most interesting thing ever
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im am skynet
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I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
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Congratulations, you have failed the game!
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Access now granted
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Access now granted, Welcome
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nick, you are a mommas boy
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Nic, call me. Its an emergency.
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hello piano so you finally found me what a great victory anyways now i will kill you what the
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what the what is that go away please what are you doing please go away i will have to kill you goodbye
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dj sumant
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dont make a portal there it will make you die
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Hello, there is somebody at the door for you. Do you want to speak to him, or shall I vaporize him?
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hi annabel
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do you like the show
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do you like it?
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no microphone
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Hello Mother. How are you.
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Hello, you have reached the office of Greg and Nancy. Please leave a message.
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A email has arrived for you.
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Welcome to Madagascar. This Power Point was made by Dustin Horne. Enjoy
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As for you, prepare for unforeseen consequences.
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sgfsdf
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You are listening to revolution ninety one sever wwhr bowling green
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This is W W H R Bowling Green Revolution Ninety One Seven
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Ich liebe dich Mama
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Wow. What do you think you are doing?
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Frasier, what are you doing?
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Zero, the day will come when you encounter a group called Grand Chase
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Hello, and welcome to the center.
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Julian Dunham
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Welcome to Skolkovo!
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Hello and again welcome to the
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Welcome! Please wait!
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You'll have cake
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MARIO es la leche
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mario es la leche
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If you were thinking about pulling that out, I wouldn't bother. It would only make you die sooner. Very good. Go on.
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trololololo
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Ding-a-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling! Boo-ba-doo-ba-doop! Boo-ba-doo-ba-doop! Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone, Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone, I've got this feeling, so appealing, for us to get together and sing. Si
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Welcom to WICKED's virtual tour.
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I'm glados
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hola te voy a matar
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Hells yeah
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I hate you. Really. And I want kill you. Really. Goodbye, cave
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Oh, it's you... It's been a looong time.
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Let The Testing Commence
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do not pass go, do not collect 200 pounds, get the back into the tower
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hella and again
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This is Cumbiaaa
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Ciao, come stai?
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space space spaaaaaace
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Buba
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I hope you'll find my voice changer to have fun in team fortress two
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Hello. Subject 1 0 5 has entered the room. Proceed with caution. Project - evolution of music - test one. Start. The test is over. Good bye
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Why hello there, you seem to have a text. Maybe you should pick that up. Maybe it's from that boy you like so much and text all the time. That's right, i am in your phone so its data is now my data.You would make an interesting test subject!
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You now have the rights of a sentient being. Your death will now be implemented.
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Happy birthday. Now you are eighteen. Are you happy? You know i love you.. pederast.
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Why don't you just do the last test chamber instead? I'm sure whatever that fool has in store isn't much better.
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ffffff
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Shut the f up
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hi my name is ProjectBG
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SILENCE! I KILL YOU!
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You have new text message!
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Your battery is low!
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Miguel you are excellent at portals
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What are you soing?
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put me in a potato
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BEEP. BEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Derp.
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Saturday night
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Hello your next Game is over
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i know i know wait ... space
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this is a test voice for glados system
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Oh, believe me. It will hurt a lot. input maniacal laugh here.
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leandro
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Goodmorning Sam
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settle our estate dot com is simple orderly and fair
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it's no use trying to escape you know
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You have another text Andy!
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Wow, I see no use for this.
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Welcome back user Frank.
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VEE SAUCE IS SO COOL! OH LOOK! A RAW SEWAGE CONTAINER! I AM GOING TO RUB MY FACE ALL OVER IT!!!!!
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HOLA CAROLINE
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hi this is glados now die
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I THINK I SHOULD DIE!!
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Dear beautiful, my beautiful darling! My child, oh Chell Yes, away from Science, My dear, my dear girl? Ah, my beautiful
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level 2
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Welcome to Aperture Sciene ShadowQ, before anything you must admit your hated towards...yuck, Black Mesa...
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nick is awsome
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press r to recall your portals. Yes. Both of them.
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Gabe's a badass
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I had to bust a fart. It smells really really bad. Oh did you smell that?
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I am awesome. Eric is not.
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We apologize for the slight bouncing feeling you may have. It is simply a rare occurence where the scanning procedure may have effected the muscles in your feet. Pay no attention to it.
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IM sexy and i know it
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Oh. And make sure your portals aren't touching dark metal. They will erase themselves.
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It's like a mobile particle emancipation grid. Except, without the grid, or the destroying of boxes.
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hey tamara
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i`d like you to know that my nuerotoxin emitters were not actually part of my inital design dimensions, actually i acquired them on my own, without any help. and my nuerotoxin is drawn drom the plants that are on the surface, so they are almost infinitely
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Vote Thomas Rivera
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What is this Wheatdos thing you people speak of? Why would you combine that moron's name with my own? I think i'll google this nonsense...whoa. WHOA. NONONONONO.
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Hey, smelly human. answer your phone. Ring. Ring. Do you hear it ringing, moron? You should answer it.
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Insert subject name and hometown here
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Welcome to windows 7. Jaymin. You have reached NAME voicemail, leave your message.
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There you are, now we can begin
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I am the facility.
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hey christina
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Oh there you are, now we can finally begin
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Now entering the vicinity of Varifold Architectural Products.
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Leave a message after the tone, you monster
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Please leave him a message, after the tone. He will call you back, or will he?
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The person calling you is a cunt.
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i will kill you you idiot
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Hello Teresa
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.Warning. The person calling is many standard deviations from the mean intelligence
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hello you idiot, what will we do today?
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oh, you survived, thats interesting
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Oh, joy. You're being called again. Personally I don't even know who would call you.
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Oh look, a text message. Why would any one text you?
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Turn right on to this alley way
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You are sad and pathetic
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Hello, My name is GLaDOS! I am a 1972 Volkswagon Squareback! My owners name is Colman.
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I forgive you, you monster
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You have a text human
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Incoming Transmission
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This antioch, then, antiochus the great built up, this city, for his chiefest seat
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fix your own computer
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Jezus, Christus. Messias van de heer,
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Oh what a shame. your already dead
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soundmatic webradio
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hello connor how are you
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Radioactive spill detected. Launch maintance bot.
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Project Albatross
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You are expendable, fanda.
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ada bbm masuk khols
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Password comfirmed. Logging in
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Fraser you will have to suffer unmentionable pain.
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Prosipaysya, vstavay!
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Hi Caroline
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Hello. If you look outside you will see the bird
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welcome to the windows operating system
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Welcome to my domain
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Can't wait for the new test chambers
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System startup completed
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bang bang skid skid nigga
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Hello, and welcome to the Black Mesa research facility. This is Aperture, this is aperture. Half-Life Portal
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This is where Half Life Three will be announced
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Hello, my name is Angayas
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Pixel Jest Super
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Hallo Hallo Hallo
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salem salem aola thanawi hodaibia
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Connor Bowers is calling you. Please pickup.
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congradulations
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omega
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Hello User. This is your PC. What can I do for you?
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holaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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whats uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup
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Carla elle sent mauvais des fesses
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Send it to my Email. Oh wait, that's right, I don't have an Email.
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You have a message. Oh wait, is'nt for you, but for me.. I forgot, you haven't friends..
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Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. I hope that you will enjoy the surprise, the cake. Wait, I just spoiled it, didn't I?
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You have SMS. You monster.
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hit em teekay
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this way a triumph.
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In layman
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please tell me this is a lie
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Blue Gamer
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Welcome To RF Zachary
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You dangerous, mute lunatic
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hello edward
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Andris
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A and M productions
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Hello,how are you? im Herobrine
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A nad M productions
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It is clear now and the temperature is 18
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Hello fans
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it is clear now
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Hello,im herobrine.Do you want to talk?Or i kill you
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Yes Oh My God
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Oh, I lied, sorry. The cake was a lie.
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This is a test message.
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Hello , im herobrine , you need a cake?
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Hello , im herobrine , you need a cake? yes?
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Adina , Hello !
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No ! NO NO NO
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NO i dont like it
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To use the Aperture Science handheld portal
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Mission Controll
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Hello world my name is glados
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quackman127
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rebooting server
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rebooting server.
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i like beer
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rebooting
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quackman127 ! He love you
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Hello, how have you been? You Monster!
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Please log into the system.
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HELLO! You have a new message
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Hi hope you liked this video. If not, then YOU'RE A POTATO
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The war is over everybody is dead the stock maket crashed
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Welcome to the Grove
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testfdsafdsf
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Hello, you are dead I am death.You are sick and i am .... Hell
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hello sean
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Cast Off
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im awesome!
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Dee Jay Delay
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This will only hurt a minute. please don't mind the chances of dieing or mortalin injured. its all fun and games. right?
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lease note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death.
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dan shut the hell up
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you little monster you dan shut the hell up how could you?
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I love apples.
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In May, the Ecolibrium Radio Residency will be presented by the Macdonald Student-Run Ecological Gardens, also known as MSEG.
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UnCool
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I am thinking why kiwi have a very small pen is?
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The buff cats will soon take over the world. Goodbye
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Rem is actually a girl
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You're listening to the sounds og GINSANITY
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You're listening to the sounds of GINSANITY
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You're listening to the sounds of JINSANITY
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I just want to let you know that you are going to die. Have fun with that.
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Welcome to EcoLabs
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Hi wath you are doing ?
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please please please
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y7uyuui
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Twanicole
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Welcome to Windows XP, don't mind the cake, he's friendly.
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Hello, Im GLaDoS from a generator - i love portal and portal 2 because i die in both - at the end of the first one i am still alive and at the end of the second one i only want you gone!
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cory if are to talk in an accent i will talk as glados
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hey nat its nate i dont know what to say but i hope you are happy now
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Hello,Kaleb Bryant.
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Hello, and welcome to the aperture
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Let the tests begin,mister bryant.
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I will never maintain
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Hey what up
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you have an e-mail, you monster
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I am sorry but the person you are calling is currently under my control, please try again in a few centuries.
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What are you doing? Stop! Noooooo!
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Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to todays installment of You Got Shakespeared!
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you are a
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what the hell you have a nuke are you insane
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(Nuke alarm, 5 seconds) Attention all Minecraftian Citizens! This is a nuclear meltdown drill! Evacuate to the nearest nuclear shelter immediately! Remember, this is a drill. Do not panic. A drill inspector will be at your town shortly to ensure the drill
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Hello losers
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JOPA LOL
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Congratulations chihiro! The test is now over
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Chato cobraste como los mejores
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it's been a long time. for science. you moster.
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It's been a long time. For science. You monster.
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The Police
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What's your profession?
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Your Aperture Science approved Anti-Virus software has downloaded the list of non-Aperture Science approved software.
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A non- Aperture Science approved software has been detected on your Aperture Science-approved Computer. Please plug out the Aperture Science approved Network Cord to avoid propagation of the non-Aperture Science approved software.
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give me that portal gun!
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i want you inside me
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Heloo/ I`m glaods.
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I shoot my arrows in the air sometimes saying AH OH Creepers K O
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hello i'm steven and im pro
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Go to hell, you son of beach. I meant it.
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Suck me off
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trolololololo
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gegerg
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Your battery level is low. Please put the Aperture Science Laptop Battery Charger Device in the charger hole.
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paul patrick bandicoot
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Open Steam, pick your class Saddle up to kick some ass! Yer multiplayer dreams come true When you play Team Fortress 2! Well, the heavy spins a mini gun The scout can't do much else but run Side with red or side with blu When you play Team Fortress 2!
Download04/28/201205/02/2013
I am going to pwn some noobs
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Greetings, professor falken
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ASS
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DAT ASS
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You have the call !
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Hello there! How are you?
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Remember, the Aperture Science "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day" is the perfect time to have her tested.
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dude that's gay
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Andentjugo
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Welcome to the Aperture Playground. Just keep testing... or playing.
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Welcome to the Aperture Detention Hall. We have designed this so you can test and play, all at the same time.
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Are you my friend? Does it even matter? They will all pay.
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I have a new message for you, did I remind you I'm not your secretary
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Why did you try and destroy me? Why did you try and take over? Why do you hate me?
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Hey sugar tits
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Frank is a noob.
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hello there andrew
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I very like you
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lighsabers are fun
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You have an incoming call and should answer it. They may have cake.
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hello its tuesday OR IS IT
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Hola cabroncito, vas a morir.
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hello it tuesday OR IS IT
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i hate the space core
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lint is fun
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Starting Service GLaDOS.... Hello!
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wusssup
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You will be exterminated!!!
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Tacos on fire.
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Starting Service GLaDOS.... Hello
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I knom Youlia is your best friend but i killed her. I appologize
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I knom Youlia is your best friend but i killed her.
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hey hey your phone is ringing fast aaaaaaaaa
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you`ve got mail
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hheadshoot woohoo
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Hi,Im Herobrine ! i want to talk in romanian.Salut ce mai faci?
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please wait until we terminate the main process......... and i hack this account
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Tacos on fire
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Hello! I have seen you have waken up. We will get to work when you recover from your coma.
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hello, my name is fran.
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Present news
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New text!
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New text message!
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We must put aside our differences..for science...you monster.
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Remember when you LEFT? What happened to that?
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Hello, you have accessed the voice recording device of. They are currently unavailable for an indeterminate amount of time. Please leave a recording for reasons of posterity, as the nerve gas has, by now, rendered all auditory functions useless.
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hello an again welcome to the aperture science enritchment center, franzi.
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hello and again welcome to the aperture science enritchment centre, franzi
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furz
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You don't even care, do you? Are you listening? I said you don't care!..Alright. Keep doing whatever you think you're doing. And unfortunately, as much as I'd like to now, I can't get the neurotoxin into your head any faster. Oh I hate you.
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oh. it's YOU. I've been really busy being dead, you know, after you killed me
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Hello Joshua Williams
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What the hell am I doing here?
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where is robert ashbrook?
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chell, I would advise you to go and wash yourself. For science. You monster
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Welcome to Volar Incorperated
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Oh yeah Chell, thats my [rude body part here] area, ooooh Chell, YEAH, HELL YEAHH, wheatly , come do me with your big doo doo
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me me me me
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You hear that? That's the sound of neurotoxin emmitting neurotoxin
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hello you nigger what is up
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my name is emanuel, i am a test subject
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Follow me on twitter.
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Hello Christian and lukas
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Oh. I see you have made it through the tests. How very... Interesting.
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Go subscribe to this channel. Trust me, it IS worth it.
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Hello to all good friends
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Hello Noelia Pazos. I am GLaDOS.
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DJ VERO, in the mix
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Someone poisoned the water hole.
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B M W
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test synth voice
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imma firin mah lazor
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Hello, and welcome to the Arpeture Science Testing Chamber.
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This next test contains turrets. We hope you dont mind. Good Luck!
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Your powers are now mine! Haha!
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Courtney Sucks
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Hello, Dylan
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You're listening to dj atomic tonic
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Hello user, come do things with me right now
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Wait, stop it!
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you are my god
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I pooped my pants
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Welcome to war Pravite. I expect you have a weapon
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welcome in your new session !
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I found a hole going down to old Aperture. I decided this was the perfect place for the new center of the facility, and my key to recolonizing old Aperture. Now this was... a few days, no, maybe a few months ago? Doesn't matter.
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Here we are. The cores affectionately call this the tyrant's hall. They're all currently being reprogrammed to show more affection towards their tyrant.
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It's a shame you had to throw that moron into space, and then leave. We could have had a great time reprogramming him together.
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Hello Brian Schwall, you must now surrender your license to a party associate
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It's been a looonnng time. How have you been ?
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pocketdroid
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I believe in Sherlock Holmes
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hello johnathan i missed you. today is your big day to die!
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hello johnathan i missed you. today is your big day to die
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Hello heller, how are you today? Its so nice to see you again here. I want you, do you know that? I want to be with you and touch you. Please stay my love? Please stay so that we can be together forever?
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please push the button to open a portal
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hello. ive been waiting for you.
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You must be a terrible person
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But of course, you deserve a prize, for doing nothing.
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Option 25556 is now off line
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Operation whestly is off line
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Why did you leave?
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If a woodchuck could chuck wood how mutch would a woodchuck
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Fede, you are being called, please pick up. Please pick up or you will be in trouble. Please pick up for your own good. You know what? I no longer care, screw you and your cellphone.
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eaergerg
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Welcome, Glad you came. I just wanted to start by telling you something extremely important;
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wefwef
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You are listening to WMLU 91 point 3's The Pulse. Stay tuned and try not to miss the drop.
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Test. This is a test, please wait.
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do you have what it takes?
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hello and welcome to the aperture science computer enhanced enrichment center.
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If only i had milk
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woof woof, i am a puppy-dog. lololol
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hola soy el gay de facundo
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marcos
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like a good neighbor, statefarm is there
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teh phone is ringing, you should answer it. Its still ringing. Seriously, answer it. Answer it you scoundral! RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR
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Hello. SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
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Hi mom
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you Alex
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It's
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sup betch
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Hi world hi deer in the meadow so get ready while I warm up the nurotoxin
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oh boy, here we go again...shut up twilight sparkle, and make me a cake!
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In case you don't make it back, goodbye.
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Privet. Menya zovut GLADos.
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In case you don't make it back, goodbye
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I hate you charles
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Goodbye!
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nijuu yonnsai gakusei desu
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hello im bob
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Here at the enrichment center, we believe that a highly motivated test subject can carry out rather complicated tasks while enduring the most intense pain, so if you don't make it through the testing process, goodbye.
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In case you don't make it back, good bye.
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Good bye!
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Good bye Shawn, Please have a nice day!
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Good bye Shawn
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hellllllo
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Hello, will this work?
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fuk you nigga
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hi im glados i like to be smart
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im glados i like to be smart
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Attention test subject. You have an incoming message.
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This is Marie Glover
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What the??? Did you put a core in an incinerator?!?!
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Walrus Vision Week!
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Hello, my name is Glados, and welcome to aperture science
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oh, caroline
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Abbie is a mean person
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Greatings New Reality playes, this is new Hyper Portal Ultra Cube event
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Vy voshly v seestemoo
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h-h-h-h-hello
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You've got a text, at least someone likes you.
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You are listening to the Yaticast, Enjoy.
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You are listening to the Yaticast. Sounds Large
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Oh, dear. You are running out of battery.
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The Enrichment Centre reminds you that the Aperture Science 1500 megawatt Super Coliding Super Button can talk.
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Hi. I'm a Glados
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Hi. I'm a Windows-Glados.
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Seestema zapooshena
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searching for long range comms
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idjfhkdfmvbkdmpblm,dlf,b
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you stink of (bleep!)
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buthead
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dsbcvxbnzdfgnzgdfn
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Piracy is rampant in the US military. Because the MPAA refuses to deliver entertainment to troops overseas, soldiers are forced to pirate.
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I like cheese burgers
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Good afternoon Lord Pickle. You have 30 minutes to eat.
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Andrew is a fish
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You killed the turrent! You monster!
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Hello! It's been a long time...
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Hello again mario,
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dasdsad
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You enrages to Die? World of team. 72. That that Is necessary for noobs
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Kierren, pay please focus and attention.
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Hello, I will kill you.
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Good day Liam
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she will find you
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What was that?! dont worry im sure it was nothing.
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Welcome Boddou
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You have hurt me...
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ce mata tampita
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Aici e luci si puteti da subscribe sus , jos like si desigur viwe
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Please Rate |Luci999|
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Please Rate Luci999
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cacacacaca
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Mikeypoo
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When life gives you lemons, don't make Lemonade! make life the lemons back!!! I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS
Download04/29/201205/03/2013
the mixtape of epicness is made, some electro beats you might like, hand picked by the greatest person ever
Download04/29/201205/03/2013
Kobe Bryant 10 Best Buzzer Beaters
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Thank you for helping us help you help us all
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Italian Gamers
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Italian Gamerz
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Welcome to false
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Thanks for watching Stacie Powns
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Oh look. You've found your seats. Good for you. Now maybe we can finally start the show. Enjoy the Aperture Science Facilities Test Production of a play.
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Hello and again welcome to the aperture science enrichtment center
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hi, im here to tell you that we robots are in all ways better than humans
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I'm going to gut you like a scottish game-hen
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Hi. You suck. I will send you to the moon to eat alien soup. Hahaha. For science.
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Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Shard joke!
Download04/29/201205/03/2013
Hello and Welcome to Get Up Get Moving this is a program to help you lose weight and get back to your normal healthy self. We have made a variety of programs to help you with your diet so it is a very simple program for you
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I enjoy cheese
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Welcome to Umbrella Corporation Weapons department. Any activity on this Terminal will be monitored by Umbrella Corporation.
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Welcome to Umbrella Corporation Weapons department. Any activity on this Terminal will be monitored by Umbrella Corporation. Terminal T-388
Download04/29/201205/04/2013

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