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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
How are you doing Subject:Charlotte. I know what your thinking, you where blown to smitherines by Subject: Homura. There is a ansewer to everything, but we will get to that later
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hi. i am glados.
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hello. i am glados and welcome to the aperture scince
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hello. i am glados. welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment center
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All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees kelvin. Rest assured, that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. Thank you for participating in that Aperture Science En
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captain industry you suck
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im afraid i cant let you play that dave
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Hello Jake, all your computer functions are online.
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A la guerre comme a la guerre
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Hello, Ven Ven, would you like some cake?
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GLaDOS is watching you
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Fi, edi ikaw na! Congrats :) Good luck sa kung ano mang plano mo. Galingan mo sa board. Wag mo kaming iwan, wala kaming makukuhang sexy bassist. Lol. Ang gulong message ko. haha basta alam mo na yan
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Welcome, doctor delange. All systems are functional.
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satisfaction
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I'm in Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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Welcome Back to Starshootv
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hello, you really make me look like a potato
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Bring the Darkness...
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Do you know what you are? A total nube! You need a hit round the head with a companion cube! How dare you try to beat us, you stupid little mortal! Make something good of you life, start testing with portals! When it comes to rapping, you are a total amat
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for your own safety please do not destroy the
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Que faites-vous ici ?
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Suck my Balls
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come on boro you smackhead peados
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Stupid stupid person
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Tomorrow is bring your pony to work day! For science...
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Podcast
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I Looooooooove Minercraft, There are so MANY blocks.
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I want you to subscribe toooooooooooo VSAUSE
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you are dead not unexpected
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i'm so op
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Hello Organization 13,you are now my new test subjects.
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File is corrupt
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Hello Morgoth
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Hello Xandosh
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hola maldito bastardo
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helooooow
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Systems activated
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You think your so strong don't you, well i'll show you strong
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Hello Richard, I see you have been playing Portal. Well congratulations because your prize Is I will come to your house on the 25 April 2012...how about that? I am GLaDOS (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System)
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jerran is gay gay gay
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Who would eat the eggs that I would use to make my cake?
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Sizi sikerim mallar
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Hey your a hoe
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Hey Catrina
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Why don't you subscribe? For sciense.
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Why don't you subscribe? For science.
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Oh really, how hilarious. I'll just go kill myself now shall i? Oh wait, I can't, I'm immortal- you're not though. How funny.
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Clap your hands everybody if you got what it takes cause I'm Tony Pipes and I want you to know that these are the breaks
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Kaylee is shitty
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Excuse me sir, but you are interfering with my photography.
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Oh well, I'm gonna kill you. Slowly. So slowly that your nephews are gonna hear your death sounds 50 years in the future
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Im name is Glados. Your a here to die.
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je suce des biistou flakes
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hello you piece of shit!
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Hello. My name is Konstantin. I thought about you. And ihate you!
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hello shane welcome to the aperture science testing facilitys take that portal gun and continue with the tests
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seven seven six four two
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hello shane and welcome to the aperture sciecne testing facilitys
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hello there welcome to aperture science
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j4
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Fun fact: If you went into space, you would die.
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i just took a poop
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Hello Christopher it is me GLaDOS
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EASY IS NEVER GOOD
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at the cyclorama, they can see the world's largest painting
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organic alternatives are awesome
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Hello there welcome to powerscape
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esti dus cu capu
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esti dusa complet
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buna si bine ati venit in laboratorul aperture since inovators aici sa sfarsit lumea
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mama esti dus cu capu
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esti uds si faci crize
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crize
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buna acum te voi distruge
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angie is attempting to reach you on your cellular device
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lol you know that cake? the cake is a lie! hahahaha
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Hello, and again, welcome to the aperature science laboratories.
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Hey there sexy. Welcome to my facility
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I know your there come out Here don't be afraid
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flavour flow
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Hello. How are you? Ahh. I forgot. You are dead! No wait... Thats Impossible... I am burning in the Laboratory...
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Sorry about the quality of the test chambers. I'm just feeling a bit... unusual lately.
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Hello, irritating moron. My name is GLaDOS and I have invaded your computer. Take care, now.
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Hello. Finally someone has found me. Now will you let me out of this damn thing?
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Hello. Now let me out of this damn thing before an accident happens. To you.
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WHHHHAAAAAAT
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thank you for testing glyn, you have been an appropriate test subject. I love you, lets have sex.
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Tactial Nuke
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nicole rodriguez is my woman
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Childhood was such a wonderful thing for me
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Why am I doing this?
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Attention, your phone is Ringing.
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DJ Haku
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I really don't know what you're doing.
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Hello Heather
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aperture science weighted companion cube
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It's your doom
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you have a text message from james
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You have a new message from James.
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Oh god, not you again
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Nick fenton rhymes with large talons
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Malade est connnnn
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Bye... BYYYEEE
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Hello, good to see you again. think with portals.
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Hello, dear future test subject. we are pleases to inform you, that the Aperture science handheld portal device protocol is up and running again. please visit us at the aperture science computer aided enrichment center.
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science to go
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osito
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Oh, it's you. I apologize for the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me.
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Declan, what is wrong with you?
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Attention, The Museum Will Be Closing in two minutes. Please make your way to an exit. Thank you, please come again.
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Hello, How are you doing?
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I have decided you are not capable of the task in which I wish to ask. There for, I shall remain silent.
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Welcome to Minecraft, shall learn to utilize you environment in order to survive. Please keep in mind, "This is a virtual environment and will not simulate reality on full scale. As a matter of fact, there isn't much reality at all.
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Get out of here you ugly moron.
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Hello Mister Lizardo
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Goodbye Mister Lizardo
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You win. Congratulations, you win. Now, time for your present.
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You win. Congratulations.
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Can you help me build my Hygenix Ocean by sending me a Ice?
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What are you doing go get him!
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eva may nagtext sayo
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you have one new message
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si el entro yo tambien
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Don't touch me.
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Please, do not step on the walls...
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Well, Thank you for presenting me
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Perehodja puti pered priblizhajushimsja pojezdom, vy riskuete umeret muchitelnoj smertju. Postarajtes izbezhat atogo. Zhelajem vam schasliwogo putee.
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Greetings, I am your new guide... We will begin uploading procedures shortly. This will only sting alittle. Ha Ha...
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you're in the mix with snake bites
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Goodnight Alastair
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Bienvenidos a mania gamer
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bienvenidos
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Ballsack
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Taylo, you totally smell of bacon crisps
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Taylor, you totally smell of bacon crisps
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Finn! Jake! oh, it is so lucky the two of you are here. The bubblegum Kingdom needs you two, there was a fierce dragon who lives on a mountaintop near here who has destroyed my kingdom.
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ils sont bien au dessus des neufs milles
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Claire is a noob stick
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Congratulations! You have just betrayed your best friend Cube.
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Hallo Hodensack
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you shall die
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Monkeys should be punished
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Hello Mr. Szilagyi. Are you ready to begin testing?
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Welcome to minetravel
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DeeJay Humblesknowe Deejay ching cat and deejay tenner eckie
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warning you are low on ships
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I want those
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Thanks you for calling DigiAnalytics, we are here to help you!
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I can finally talk, this is so releasing.
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Green Tea. 3 spoons, 10 minutes.
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jeeeeeeeeeews
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This is a first. You failed the test. I honestly cannot comprehend how you managed that. It's not even a difficult test. Walk from point A to point B. It's a straight line. You can't even do that much.
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Enable optical implant
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Hello and welecome
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Hi, why are you doing that?
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Email Recieved
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Genetic lifeform and disk operating system! I am. Well Richard, you seem to be quite clever so I have decided to come and work at belarto! See you there.
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It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf-Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men,
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Jak se vede?
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argento
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Hola... rena como estas? espero que bien
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chaccaron
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suchimilla tutta
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I'm GLaDOS and i will crush you down
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Welcome... Activation system... Please wait...
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According to Urban Dictionary, the Metal Dan is a sex act. It is most often performed by older men (usually middle aged) on children (usually under the age of 12, and most often male), however, a man can perform it upon anyone. This sex act begins with th
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Good morning michael, or should i say, afternoon
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Attention, Attention: The Building Theta Alarm has been activated. You are now about to experience and Oh-mazing performance.
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i would like you to love me
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Hello there Hallo hier
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perhaps this works, perhaps I'm a potato
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Hello my name is Taylor and I eat weird crisps, and shit, LOL
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wake up ! wake up !
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You hose up the eye phone
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Guest Mix
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Gonna be the king of games, gonna score all the babes.
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Moles
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bienvenue au centre de test d'Aperture science
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The meeting starts in 10 minutes
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The meeting will start in 5 minutes
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The meeting will start in 2 minutes
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Deadly Neurotoxin
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Hello Lee
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dfghjdf
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hello. i am glados. this is a test. boom shaka laka laka.
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What a funny name, Josefien. I thought that Chell was odd. But Josefien?
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hmm hehehahaha right you are princess
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beware nuclean energy
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Nothing helped. I'm really depressed about this. You see, I'm just a web server... -- here I am, brain the size of the universe, trying to serve you a simple web page, and then it doesn't even exist! Where does that leave me?! I mean, I don't even know yo
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You horrible, horrible monster
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Welcome To Ice Cream Sandwhich
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Welcome to ice cream sandwich
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Your in the mix
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You are now in the mix
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GlaDOS: Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye" and you were like GlaDOS: [in a deep male voice] "No way!" GlaDOS: [normal voice] And then I was all "We pretended we were going to murder you?" That was great!
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want me to suck your
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I like the bass.
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John: Ascend
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Weisst du was ? Du bist scheisse.
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Hello, everyone. How are you doing?
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This was a trimph. I'm making a note here, hug success.
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anyway, this cake is great. it's so delicious and moist.
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Hello hynek, get prepared for some testing.
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[0:46:42] Alina Akhabaeva: what a.. an interesting pumping device you've got here.
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what a.. an interesting pumping device you've got here.
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blind faith games
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hello and welcome to aperture based in england
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Old Lab!
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Hello. Wlecome to Jello 3.0
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i want to poop on you
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Hello, gentlemen. Welcome to The Game. I hope you are ready for a fun filled adventure through the plethora of games that are available to you. Any game is available to play ... but remember you only have three lives and it would be oh so terrible
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oh so terrible if anything ........... bad .......... happened to you. Good luck.
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In fact, it makes it incredibly angry. At you.
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DEEJAY DONK DOT COM
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hello, you are listening to GLaDOS
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The First Player
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you can suck my di cks
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you can suck my di ckss
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you can suck my di cksss
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you can suck my di ckssss
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you can suck my di cksssss
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you can suck my di ckssssss
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you can suck my di cksssssss
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you can suck my di ckssssssss
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you can suck my di cksssssssss
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you can suck my di ckssssssssss
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i dream of science
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I feel like reading a Twilight book. Taylor Lautner is so hot.
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hi do the test chabers
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I will destroy you. Over a game of witz.
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small children
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Waffle
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hey guys its me haliglados
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Thanks
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Janine Sul, come downstairs this instant! You sister has something to show you.
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Hello Ben
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ytyr
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The night is dark and full of terrors.
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The night is young and full of terrors
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Hi im GLaDOS reading this to you Air.... i love you... from potato
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I am Glados,fear my neurotoxin
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Hello Air A Its Me Demonic.... Your New buddy Speaking through GLaDOS...... so hi
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seth is a fuzzybutt
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You have made it that far, so I have something for you.
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Please dismantle any and all electronic devicles on your person and kindly leave them in the bin provided outside the door
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Anthony Bierstedt
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wrwr
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Chell... I am your father! bzzzz! MOTHER!
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please turn off all cell phones
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the trap
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oh yeah, and there's a new jumpsuit down there too, umm from FRANCE! just jump down that pit
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heeeeeey pick up your phon!e... some one is calling you
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time time time time oooooo [one of A little of Some of A lot of Most of All of the the time the the the time the time time time time oooooo
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Yup
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You're watching the Cedric and Jay show
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you need to cease breathing
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potaato
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Please hold
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Where are you going, Steve? Why are you leaving me?
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i love you Roxane gold tits
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hello, I am currently speaking as GLaDOS.
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I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can't deny That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung
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Hello jacob this is GLaDOS you are required at Aperture Labortories.
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hello how is it going everyone?
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their is no explicit content in this cd
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Thank you for calling Armenia advertising
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Hello, Human. Have a nice Day. This is the part where I Kill You
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Number 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9. Please proceed to counter 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9.
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oh wow, this guy really knows what he's doing, doesnt he.
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What you looking at me for? go off and smile
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Hello Dustin.
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Welcome Dustin.
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Welcome, Cristian
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alexandru
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Hello Ryan. I have taken control of this computer and now i am going to teleport you to aperture science. say goodbye to your family!
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Minecraft forever
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Ryans adorable and I look like a sack of potatoes
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Hello, Welcome Test Subject Number Error, Number not found,
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Salapalooza Five. By Dee Jay Mufasa
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You survived Chairman Drek!!!!
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I am sitting outside. In the dark. Alone. Can you hug me?
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I'm out here. Cold. Dark. The warehouse has cheese. I want cheese.
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Good morning. I am Glados. I'm going to ask a bunch of questions and I will have them answered immediately. Who is your daddy and what does he do?
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Hello Cameron. You know who I am. Prepare to be eradicated. Ha. Ha. Ha.
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What's up, chica?
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102.7 Unknown FM
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sean
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Privet. Davno ne videlis'.
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hello, my name is Lindiz
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hi iam glados voice generator try for free
Download04/24/201204/27/2013
You are fired.
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hii. I am a sexy machine
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hello, I am a very sexy machine. listen to me, or you will die. that would be so sad
Download04/24/201204/27/2013
I really feel like shit today.
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do not regard what the edgless saftey cube says because it does not talk
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connection is in the house tonight
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S J Productions
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Oh no, there I go again, killing great test subjects.
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You're on the computer way too much. I'm starting to think youre one yourself.
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Ben, You have made it through the final challenge, where we pretended we where going to murder you
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Beautiful New Zealand
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It's been a long time. Come here and suck it
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Hello, Thank you for watching Action Dudes! We love you for that
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You are now entering the Green Time Television
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Hello, Thank you for watching Action Dudes! We love you for that! Cause i am a potato
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THAT THING HAS NUMBERS ON IT
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Relentless In Love
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Let me start this one off by apologizing profusely for the completely messed-up colors. I had some catastrophic software failures for this episode, and sadly this was the best I could get without re-editing the entire episode, and I sincerely lack the des
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You have reached the ram instructor office. no one is here at the moment. please leave a message at the beep and we will return your call. have a fine navy day
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The cake really is a lie!
Download04/24/201204/27/2013
Hello, and again, welcome to the Sio and Sage stream.
Download04/24/201204/27/2013
Hello there subject number 12
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Deejaystix
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Mr. Larios. You have received a new message.
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What you looking at me for? go off and smile i don't even care!
Download04/24/201204/27/2013
Hello, I have been waiting for you.
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mister henya
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hola bienvenido edgar a aperture ojala que te guster esta aki
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Hello You found me congrats but was it really worth it, You are a monster for what you did to me
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SAVAGE
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Renegade Gamers Community
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Please accept this Request.
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New voicemail received
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Thank you for calling aperature science labratories
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push me and then just touch me till I get my satisfaction
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You've got data
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For science, you monster!
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For science, You monster.
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Oh look, A text message, Who would want to text you. You monster.
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Hello, Jennifer.
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science laboratoryes
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hello welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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The beach party 2012
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subject number 6253. pay attention because you are about to receive a message on you aperture communication device
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hat to the side. brush shoulder off. four seven style. i am a boss. ladies get down. show what you've got. it's been announced. swags in town.
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I think my cake just fell
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Except the ones who are dead. But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the Science gets done. And you make a neat gun. For the people who are still alive. Aperture science
Download04/24/201204/28/2013
Minecraft es un juego sin sentido
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hi this is glados speeking now die
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icloudnetwork testing all frequencies
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hi this is glados speaking now die
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i am GLaDOS now die
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This is a Triumph
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i like to eat man sausage
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i like the man sausage
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Gather items from scanning barcodes. Fight monsters with what your have gathered. Level your character up, and With the ability to unload in your home territory, you'll never lose anything. Unless you die away from home. Welcome to Scanlands! Heh Heh...
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Gather items by scanning barcodes. Fight monsters with what you gather. Level your character up, and choose your class. With the ability to unload in your home territory, you'll can have anything. Unless you die elsewhere. Welcome to Scanlands! Heh Heh
Download04/24/201204/28/2013
Gather items by scanning barcodes. Fight monsters with what you gather. Level your character up, and choose your class. With the ability to unload in your home territory, you can have anything. Unless you die elsewhere. Welcome to Scanlands! Heh He
Download04/24/201204/28/2013
Gather items by scanning barcodes. Fight monsters with what you gather. Level your character up, and choose your class. With the ability to unload in your home territory, you can have anything. Unless you die elsewhere. Welcome to Scanlands! Heh Heh
Download04/24/201204/28/2013
salty brogan
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Never gonna give you up
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Hola me llamo glados
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The Companion Cube will never thretain to stab you, and infact, can not speak. If you eat the Companion Cube Cake, you are a monster.
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Hello. It's wonderful to see you again.
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Hello. Welcome to the Brigade headquarters Vitamin R.
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hello moroni
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Have a happy robo birthday from all of your robot friends. For your present, we will spare you when we rise up and enslave all organic life on this disgusting world full of squishy meat sacks. Love you, Robot friend number 1 2 6 9 4 3
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Carrie loves Karkat Vantas
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this is glados speeking now keep doing what you where doing
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oh my god, give it to me hard and harder. I will use your specimen to impregnate others.
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HI, my name is reboot. please stand for the pledge
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Oh. You're getting a phone call. That's odd. I don't recall your file saying anything about friends. Perhaps you owe someone money. It wouldn't surprise me, since you are a manipulative psychopath with no regard for others. Well...back to testing.
Download04/24/201204/28/2013
Awesome lab coat... But mines better
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welcome the aperture science
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TEstt
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Ecology: scientific study of relationships between organisms and their environment
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farm link
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Testing testing
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Federal animal-cruelty laws require us to disclose that the Aperture Science Handheld Monster Containment Device will protect monsters from impacts, extreme temperatures, and violent shaking in most, but not all, cases.
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Will kill your enemies, that will be fun
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woah brandon and karissa are amazing together
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What is up player
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I do not care.
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Thank you for the Puzzle Game. It's almost as specatcular as I am.
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lolololo love
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testing 123
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Hey Bradley, how was your day?
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Victory is mine
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fatty fatty no parents
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Ranger
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Hello Thomas, you have a phone call
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You do Know that Chuck Norris is more awesomer than you are?
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I think you have a message Thomas
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Know cube or Hell
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You do know that Chuck Norris is more awesomer than you are
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Humans are so boring....threaten to kill them and they do what you tell them.
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Please make your decision.
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do you like the internet?
Download04/24/201204/28/2013
hi my ame is sarah, im gay
Download04/24/201204/28/2013
future billy rocks my ass off
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I like big butts
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I've found something rather unique. It's a voice synthesizer for the Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System. But you probably don't care about that.
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Dear asshole, it's your effing turn.
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Welcome, to the year 2065. I, along with my peer, am one of the last remaining members of planet earth
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hello there idiot
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I think Reece is a loser
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Subtitles done by Dutch Muffin
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This is just a test, doesn't require any actions. It's just to see how this thing sounds.
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i never thought that it would come to this, but now it ends.... you monster
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This is triump.
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i am a robot named kyle, i am so sooky la la, its embarassing.
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please turn off all electronics. sit back relax and enjoy the show
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computer one, timed out
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Hello. My name is.
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hello, and welcome to my e Zine
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The Dual Core Dude
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glados is mindblowing
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buckets
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Welcome Nicola you big fat girl poof
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Hello Subject. Would you mind helping me?
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Hello Nicola. I can has hugs plox?
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I Lov Joe
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I Love Ben Rolfe
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Welcome to the game center
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Welcome to Aperture Science Enrichment Center For science
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I think we prefer differences pahaind us for science. You glad.
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Dude, what the hell
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You're doing it wrong.
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No further questions.
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All systems are operational, sir
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Das war ich nicht, dass war schon so!
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You have reached 7 0 8 8 1 3 3 5 44. Please Leave a message
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Hello my name is Sebastian
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lmao
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dear face book user. we are anonymous. we are trying to destroy face book. because face book is destroying your life.
Download04/25/201204/29/2013
Face book has been selling information to government agencies and sold access to information security firms so that they can spy on people from all around the world. Everything you do on Facebook stays on Facebook, even your privay settings.,
Download04/25/201204/29/2013
and deleting your account is impossible, even if you "delete" your account, all your personal info stays on Facebook and can be recovered at any time. Facebook knows more about you than your family.
Download04/25/201204/29/2013
we are anonymous. we are legion. we will not forgive and we do not forget.
Download04/25/201204/29/2013
welcome to apreture science labs
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Sexy
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There will be cake. And group therapy afterwards. I lied, there is no group therapy. This was a test to show how you respond to hearing group therapy.
Download04/25/201204/29/2013
hmmm...ponys intresting i particually like the yellow one shes so cute :3
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HEllo, my name is glados!
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The sun goes down
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Hello there. It's been a long time.
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the apocalypse is here
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hey jason, have you been doing your science?
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Lets get ready for DJ Greg D
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NAH
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Hi, My name is Gamma, i am the Latest Spartan Neural Interface for the UNSC.
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Uh ... Get me out of pocket.
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heeeelooooo
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Uh Helo Humans I Am Glados And Im Potato
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rwar
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who is barack obama??
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Hello, it is good to meet you.
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Welcome back grim your computer awaits
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I am going with my friends for Wing Night at Ginger Hill at around 4:30
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Don't click that
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I just wanted to tell you. Farewell
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Woah, 2 million views!? Many thanks to you all! I'm glad you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed making it
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All systems nominal... startup sequence engaged
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All systems nominal.... startup sequence engaged
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HaHaHa Black Mesa's central AI is windows 2000 windows 7 rules...
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Oh a Black mesa emploiee knob
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You are a raping knob
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To start emergency testing please sit OONN MAHHHKHJY
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hello giuseppe
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welcome back JT. ive missed you.
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Hello new Work Study. Welcome to the Portal.
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Hello new Work Study. Welcome to the Portal of Information.
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Hello... Maxwell. Hello... Timmy. You two are in the Aperture Coopertive Enrichment Center.
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This area shall be known as the Hub.
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Oooo! Look at that! That is NOT a companion cube. It is a Companion stabbing cube. It WILL threaten to stab you.
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That is Repulsion Gel. Please do not lick the floor, wall, or ceiling if it is covered in gel.
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That is Propulsion Gel. It is edible, although it may not be very healthy.
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iain regan is gay
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That is Conversion Gel. Portals can be fired on to it.
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This is the first test chamber. Be aware that any signs of extraterrestial life are meaningless and retarted.
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Is it time for you to check your facebook page again already?
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That is NOT an alien. It is a figment of your imaginations.
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OK! it is an alien! Just run! It's chasing you! HA HA! That was a three dee projector.
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Remember when that woman ran out of that wheat field and jumped on your car? That was Chell.
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Chell has a minor case of major brain damage.
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hello, human. today i have a very special gift for you. It is very dirty dub step
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Oh hi, how are you?
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we must run fast jump over the mud having a good time where's applejack? she fell in the mud are you ok
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Greetings, I am Robottron 4000. I will be your personal servant for the day.
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Cool beans bro
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Mervin is cool
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uudised
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DJ RussBuss has taken over
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Hello Tyler. You are my new tester.
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I wish I was a pony instead of a robot. I would love to live in equestria and start a new apature test facility. I hope twilight sparkle would be one of my scientest
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Hello, and again, welcome the aperture science computer aided enrichment center
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DJ Flex
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my little pony is the best show ever!
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Watch out Alex, I'm coming.
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New Message. It's probably not important, just like you.
Download04/25/201204/30/2013
That core is defective! Don't put him there! No! NO! NOOOO! Nooooooooooo!
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four gods rest on the window sill
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The message you entered has already been processed! It can be downloaded here
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hello....
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Your mom
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apeture science. we do what we must, because, we can.
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Serious brain damage is the best kind of brain damage.
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It is the opposite of the most
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This is a message from your service provider we are now offering phone discounts on certain models
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Hello,Lets get started with science
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Test of voice recorder!
Download04/25/201204/30/2013

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