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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Oh really? No roaches?
Download04/11/201204/13/2013
Hello, I am GlaDOS andyour name is Hugo, Please get outof here!
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Hello Joseph, I have missed you. Please wait while I open Face Book messenger and load Skype. Also you have no new messages. That is all.
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Dont you want your cake, kendra? Its delicious and moist
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hello. my name is Glados
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Stop
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you retard.
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I hate everyone in the world
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Based on the data I have collected, the only conclusion I can derive is that you are my Valentine. Empirically
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Science
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good mornimg, sir
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good morning, sir.
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vfxenchor
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Thumbs up, rate, comment and subscribe
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Thank you for watching and have an epic day
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You are a lonely, low-life, selfish creature. Everything I do is for the sake of science. But you only care for destruction.
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For the Last time Utah, Thae Cake is a Lie, I should know, i am the one who came up with the idea, There is and was no Cake
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The Cooper-Hofstader Polarization The Luminous Fish Effect The Bath item Gift Hypothesis The Vegas Renormalization The Gothowitz Deviation The Vengeance Formulation The Pants Alternative The Staircase Implication The Apology Insufficiency The Boyfriend Co
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united we stand
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Jonathan is a nigger
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Hello, Scott, rise and shine. It is time to do some testing.
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carmichael is such a troll. I mean seriously he is a serious troll. Seriously.
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boobes
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the apeture science portal device
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iuytfghioihfui
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so hard is her footfall
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oo la
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Up, sir
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18 holes, 1 golf tournament, 3 stories. This is the A K Psi Classic.
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Oh, Johann, I want you to play Portal Two!
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Hello. How my I be of service?
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Street Fighter X Tekken
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Hello josh, it's bin a long time, how have you bin?
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Hello. How may I be of service?
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I have competed in this week's Sony Xperia competition
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Saludos Humanos, Desde aqui puedo saber que todos ustedes me aman
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smile for the first picture
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How are you today? Horrible? Good.
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What's the deal with airplane food anyways?
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i seriously want to fuck you.
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Hello Artem your computer is running in the system of error is not detected
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Pollution, abuse, war, violence, poverty, racism, cruelty Intolerance, corruption, lies, promises, destruction, convictions, hate Addiction, aggression, slavery, hurt, censorship, pain, panic Abandonment, terrorism, grief, fear, stress, decay, suicide
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I hate you. No, really.
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Take a walk Faked pleasure When nothing really matters Restrained by the feelings Flawless encounters Time is running out You just realized that it's all a big game Waiting for the battle Resistance is not an option Let the game be your path You wanna pl
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Testing Facility. You are now being monitored.
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Why don't you shut your face.
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Do you not understand it, Lars?
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Hello, JOJO
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Welcome to TNT Puncher labaratories. Here you will be used as a human test subject. It may include pain.
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You are watching a funny video you monster...... for sicence
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AN alien is behinf you
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alphabeto
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selling flamboyant flamenco for two refined! and brown bomber for four refined!
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selling flamboyant flamenco for two refined! and brown bomber for four refined! buy my stuff and i wont kill you
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Lavanoid-Accelerate has detected a error! This problem has to be solved to continue
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This user account has been rejected! Sorry for that but You should not have annoyed the Administrator.
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Wes Renfroe , 1 00 .
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Nyihr Joey punch
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helo my frend
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well you found me, congratulations, but despite your violent behavior, the only thing youve managed to break so far, is my heart
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Hello, Georgina
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I would love to put you in the Aperture Science Intelligence Incendiary Fun Box and just Intelligently Incinerate you over and over.
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oh, it's you. you are late again, looks like we'll have to make yet another adjustment. or just send you to space.
Download04/12/201204/14/2013
Huh... It's good to see some one is still alive; some one other than me... Well, now that you're still alive, I'll explain what happened: I thought you were dead, I killed every one here and turned all of Teufort into the new Apature Science testing arena
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Why aren't you happy to see me?
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You're a little pest, are you aware of that? Well, at least you're good at finding some members of the classes here that are still alive as well... But what can a Scout, Sniper and Engineer do to an Artifically Super Intellegent Super Computer...
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... That cannot die.... CANNOT DIE.... Can NEVER die.... Unlike you... You will die; and never respawn... Say "hello" to that French, mask-wearing fellow... I almost feel bad for killing HIM... Almost...
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Purple goes green
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Are you ready to test today? Good, I am.
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Thank you for calling MaryJo's high tech porn line.
Download04/12/201204/14/2013
I won't wish you a happy birthday because it is a meaningless accomplishment. Although I would like to congratulate you for breaking your record for most consecutive days lived, which could comme to an end soon according to my calculations... bazinga!
Download04/12/201204/14/2013
My name is GLaDOS.What's your name?I hope this is not Wheatley.That douchebag is so annoying
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My name is GLaDOS.What's your name?I hope this is not Wheatley.He is so annoying
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Your cellphone is ringing, even though it is certainly an unimportant call, I think you should answer it to see if cell phone waves can indeed kill you.
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im coming to get you
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DJ NIKZ LIFE ON THE MIX
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hello motherfucker! go fuck yourself fred
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HELLO RACHEL YOU ARE THE BIGGEST NOOB ON THE PLANET
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yo dawg i herd yo and yo dawgs like yo yos so we put yo dawg in a yo yo so yo can yo yo yo dawg while yo dawg yo yos, dawg
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Ryan, I hate you.
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I never really did like that cake.
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HAhaha
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Hello, please don't be alarmed, I only wish to experiment on you until death stop me to continue
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You know, Grace was your wife. Your stupid, ugly wife.
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try 1 2 3
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Get out of my face
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i must check my wardrobe to see if the movers forgot anything else
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Welcome to the migrant department
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Well here we are again, this is strange no freedom this time so BYE!
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We are beginning the descent. Please hold on to the handrails.
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League of Legends is cool
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i had to pee
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Thirty seconds.
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Johnny is retarded nigger
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Merritt is a lie.
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Hello. And welcome to the apreature science lab and.. Stuff. Yeah, hi. And try not to die.
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you fail!
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The computer
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uykh
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Do you want to play house?
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I hate you more than life itself.
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Hello. Are you there? Why aren't you there?
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Hello my love
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i am testing my voice
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Oh well, that's just sad...
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burrito has huge silver dollar nipples
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Welcome to Shafted Games. Nobody likes you, please shut the door as you exit
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the vampire diaires
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Welcome, Colby. You have been randomly selected to join the Apature Science Cyborg Core. Thank You.
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Welcome Flink,
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Are you ready for some dubstep
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You killed him. All he ever was to you was faithful. And you killed him. You Monster.
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Down and derby.
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you will all die in three seconds. goodbye
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help me i cant come up with a good poem
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Welcome to Virtual Mafia
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I love to get angry rahh
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You killed him. All he ever was to you was faithful. And you killed him. You Monster
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will I dream?
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jack attack 45
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I hate mondays.
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i'm about to whip somebody's ass
Download04/12/201204/14/2013
Hello, and, again, welcome to the aperture science center
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congratulations, you were promoted!
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I Think We Can Put Our Differences Behind Us, For Science, You Monster"
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Welcome to my main core! Uh oh...
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Hello, and welcome to the Apeture Science Laboratories
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I am Zachary Salizar, nice to meet you
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Behold the explosive power of Nitro
Download04/12/201204/14/2013
It would be nice if you subscribe or I will fill your room with neurotoxin
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Bring it on Nitro! I'll wax you faster than I did Duke Nukem
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I looove me some Niitro. Powering down...
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SPACE WANNA GO TO SPACE, SPACE , ANDREW , DEADMAU5, SKRILLEX , WHAT THE FUCK I LOVE CAKE. YOU WANT CAKE. I WANT CAKE I REALLY REALLY WANT SOME CAKE . SOME MOIST CAKE . WELL GOODBYE MY FRIEND
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I thought what I'd do was I'd pretend I was one of those deaf mutes.
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Sometimes Things Get complicated
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Hey teflon, you are adopted. You have no parents. You will receive no cake.
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ga-ga-ga-gallilo
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this was a triumph im making a note here huge success its hard to overstate my satisfaction aperture science we do what we must because we can for the good of all of us except the ones who are dead but theres no sense crying over every mistake you just ke
Download04/12/201204/14/2013
hi cori im glados
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Hey Jeff, everyone hates you
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Don't Believe me? here , I'll put you on. HALOOO
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Hello, Marcus. Enjoy your stay.
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Hello, Marcus. Have a Good day.
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Welcome back, Marcus.
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Sprinkles Cupcake ATM
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Hello, this is Evan.
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Raha ringtone pick up your phone raha ringtone pick up the phone Rahaha ringtone pick up the phone ding ding ding be be boop pick up the phone because u hear your ringtone
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Jedi master Yoda. Face my power of deadly nuero toxin
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Hello CreativeTS, how are you doing in android hell, you should like it, you are a failure and need to be owned by the masters of destruction
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Hello, fools.
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Hello Sean.
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Hello, and welcome to Rocket Turret Test Chamber 45, where you will get your cake... if you can beat it.
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I am unable to take your call right now, but if you could leave your name, number and a brief message I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Download04/12/201204/14/2013
hello cole, i see you are back
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what the fuck boom
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its been a long time
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Hello Paul
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di yei yo yo yo ni
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Rhys, I think you should buy an external hard drive soon. So we can play games together,hastily.
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Hello Conor. I heard it was your birthday today.
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I heard it was your birthday, so I made you a cake. Just kidding. You don't deserve cake.
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;p;
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hello Kassidy
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Hello Chryss I hope your luck gets better
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Initializing M14x
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You've got new e-mails
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DJ ARLOW
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You've got new SMS
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You've got new g-mails
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fdgfdg
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Axial deformation equals applied force.
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this is aperture
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TEXT! TEXT!
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Scratch
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First you will be baked and then there will be cake
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Greetings gentlemen, thank you for your purchase. Please take a few moments to establish your security settings.
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All electronic devices including mobile phones must be switched off whenever the engines are running on the ground, during takeoff, approach and landing.
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super mega podcast bros
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Zdarova Uioba!
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Marik
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im sexsi and i know it
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You received a new message.
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you mother is a fucking whore
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hey jonas and arnaud how is it going today?
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What are you doing CreativeTS, you are now a failure, Android Hell is waiting for you please go away now thanks
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Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahha!!!!!HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
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Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
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Hello, Michael. What brings you back? Haven't you learned your lesson? Humans!! I just don't get them
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The portal will open in. 3...2...1.
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Hello. This is GLaDoS. SUBJECT NAME HERE is currently in the testing facility. Please call again later.
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can i have a sandwich?
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fall freshman, november.
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Hello there I am Glados
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get down, bomb here
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hello justin
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i hate vchubfvicnjnicnjtingic tjg
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my name is aysia
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salut maxime
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Hello Joseph Murray
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Your mother is a dirty whore and your father is an ugly dwarven orcish monk who has no magicka
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Hello How are you
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hello and welcome to the enrichment center. It's been a long time, how have you been?
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so i'm glad
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so i'm glados. i have a much time for do test. and now caroline is deleted. AH AH
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so i'm glados. i have a much time for do test. and now caroline is deleted. AH AH ah
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Bem vindo a Neture Technologies
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Hello Maham, i must admit that you are a horrible person. that's the truth. you're a horrible person.
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this video is just for fan of portal. aperture laboratories enrichment video
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Hello and welcome to Mary Ward. This is our art show exhibition, Flux.
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Happy Birthday, Terry
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Oh! It would've been, could've been worse than it had even gone Well, the car was on blocks, but I was already where I want. (It was impossible, we ran it good, we ran it good)
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Welcome to PulpGroup Server. Enjoy your stay !
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ryan geared
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get your round lots off my lawn
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asdasdsd
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[In the year 1001 of the Celestian calendar, Equestrian scientists developed advanced magic making it possible to broadcast music over long distances. This innovation led to the creation of the first independent radio station, K-COLT, and the first talk s
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Hi hammstern
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This example will guide you to hell
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hello who are you ?
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the monarch butterfly
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Hello, this is a test.
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rzexnik100 jest spoko
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Hello, this is Miss Gannon's personal Agent. Right now she is unable to receive your call, but please try again later.
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HoBo x
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You are so gay. I can't believe you are here.
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hello Matt, how are you?
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it's be a looong time
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You may leave the chamber with your cube companion . Joshua my only friend from glados !
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Hello, i come from the center of doom, and i've been shockingly nice.
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Intruder neutralized
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welcome to one man wolf pack times four channel on youtube... we make movies!
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welcome to my awesome story hope you injoy
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You have reached David's voice mail. Please send him a message or talk affter the beep. GLaDOS out
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hello, i am awesome. so awesome in fact, i am better than you, filthy peasant. and by golly, take a shower!.
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KEKS
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good job breaking it hero
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All your cake is belong to us!
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Gamer tone
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In Soviet Russia, Steam Pay You!
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Ola.
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I love you so much, i love more than you can imagine, please, MARRY ME.
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If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
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I like to eat fat cats
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I am sorry Chris, but you are a fat fat fatty.
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wanted. Dead or alive.
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Hello chris, i am Glados. i've been waiting for you. we're going to begin with a few tests. did i meantion that there will be cake at the end of the testing?
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The valve has given me this voice. I have them all killed
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TheDamox HD
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hello daniel mora, how are you, working too hard? hahaha
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You're a terrible person.
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Chucky: Tiff? [taps her on back] Chucky: [GLENDA turns around revealing that he/she is wearing makeup, GLENDA laughs manically] Chucky: Gah! Glen...? Glen: [singsong voice] Guess again, daddy... Chucky: Glenda? Glen: That's my name, don't you wear it out.
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There are over 200 million registered vehicles in the United States today. Sooner or later, these vehicles will need either service or maintenance or both.
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Yes we do. Deal with it. Please.
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parents who have abandoned you do not love you. How sad, well, maybe working for the telephone line
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you must really love to test
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D J Shaan
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Hello Desmond. Be aware of those around you. They should not be trusted.
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hello and welcome in bed
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wie ein adler ein fetter adler
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La la la you`re fucking glitch
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Hello regina, it's me glados
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BhavMarley Productions
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shampoo
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Do you really think that's a good idea?
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why are you running drew no cake for you the cake is now a lie
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Welcome to the aperture science testing chamber.
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Try to avoid such things in future. Good luck!
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ike6j7
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Welcome to the Sudders Family household.
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The
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shut up bazil
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Well she was an American girl raised on promises.
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She couldn't help thinking that there was a little more to life somewhere else.
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After all it was a great big world With lots of places to run to.
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Yeah, and if she had to die trying she had one little promise she was gonna keep.
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Welcome, ToniX, your system is ready. Is it?
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hELLO yOU HAVE rEACHED hOTEL vALUATION AND cOST sEGREGATION sERVICES. sORRY WE CAN'T COME TO THE PHONE NOW, PLEASE LEAVE YOUR NAME, TELEPHONE NUMBER, AND BRIEF MESSAGE, AND WE WILL BE SURE TO RETURN YOUR CALL SHORTLY.
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Essence. Fragrance for Men
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buy it use it break it fix it trash it change it mail upgrade it
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hello iam going to vaporize you
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Meh
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eat up, it will be your last meal
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Hello Test-subject christian and holger
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im secretly caroline shhhh! dont tell
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This was a triumph im making a note here: HUGE SUCCSES aperture science we do what we must becuase we can the cake i made you is fake i see now im caroline... i have the voice the frame and the same grinn.........Still alive Still alive!.
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good bye my only friend. Oh, did you think I meant you?
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hi brian I'm watching you
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Hey Patrick
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Andre, this is a test of sorts. This is a test of my voice. Then you shall run some test. Isn't testing fun?
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he got that boom ba doom boom boom ba doom boom boom
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Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, you seem to have a call, you may want to answer that!
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After I saw the deer, I found a tree, and after I found that tree I saw a pinecone.
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You know, not only did I see a deer, but a tree in fact! And a pinecone right on that tree!
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wawawa
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It's about time you got this over with. You monster.
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Hello, is Michelle there please?
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Hello my name is Inago Montoya. You kill my father, prepare to die.
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Just what do you think you are doing Dave?
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Your Listening to dj code red
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Hi. My name is Max.
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What's that? Do I know Miku Hatsune? Oh yes, we were friends in high school. But then she stole my boyfriend. Things got messy after that.
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Baby you light up my world like no body else. the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed. but when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tel, you don't know, ooh ooh, you don't know you're beautiful!
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Hello, and welcome to apeture science enrichment center. We will now begin the apeture science physical exam. please jump over this ledge.
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You just lost The Game
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Center, where we test the latest technologies Aperture Science has to offer. If you complete testing without completely destroying your pathetic human body, there will be grief counseling, and cake. Let's look at the test
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You know, the other day when I was looking through the chambers to tidy up a few things, I noticed I found a few of your old belongings. I figured you wouldn't care about them anymore, so I took the liberty of burning them for you in the furnace. I figure
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Well now Saint Thomas Moore He was a pretty cool guy He was a councilor for King Henry A very good one to He was a lawyer He also wrote some books One of the best was Utopia But this would all change When he stood up for the Catholics He used want K
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Fuck the world
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Hi mi name is pie
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i ate a dog once and liked it
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He used to work for King Henry But this would all change When he stood up for the Catholics But now he only wants him gone Good bye King Henry Oh well your killing me That would be funny
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fucking weirdos you're ruining everything
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Hello Alice, I love you so much!
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zhan is gay
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Cake always lies.
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You were my only friend. Oh, did you think I meant you?
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Hello my dear friend wasabi. I love you but you are a noob. When diablo 3 comes out i will own you whit my wizard.
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Does this thing really work? Oh no, it makes me sound like Microsoft Sam. That's bad.
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Talking while muted
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i am here to kill u all. mu ha ha
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Glados i love you
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Suck My Nuts
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Is it working? Hello? Does anyone hear me?
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death can is probbable
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I generated you real bacon this time! I'm sure you'd love it. You should stop. You should stop.
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Hi I'm on holiday until 30th march, send me an email if its urgent
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Hello dumb
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ola, bem vindo ao seu computadoe
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sabrina
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You have a massedge
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Alright. I see that the turrets are not working, and the neuro toxin is destroyed, so instead, I'm going to sing One Direction. That should kill you. Baby you light up my world like no body else The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
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But when you smile at the ground it aint hard to tell You don't know, uh Oh, You don't know you're beautiful
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Talking Eyes are not to be made fun of
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Talking eyes are not to be made fun of
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please notice that the enrichment center is a hore, and you are as well. thank you
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Greg sucks his own
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Valve's new game portal is cool but you need to be smart.
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Hello Test subject how are you today
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The dream, shall take you away into a magical land full, of, fun.
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hola leandro hoy gana boca juniors aguante el lineage wuachin
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This next test is impossible. Yo will fail.
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You are Robot. I know that you are a robot, becouse you are a robot. LOL
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Fitness Mix
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hello how are you jude
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do you like playing computer games ?
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Excite in the mix
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ASsad
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I liked the part where he stopped moving
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quit now, and the turrets will shoot you.
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fuckghftgyfvcrcyufcytcyrvtyfgvtvgjhbvjghvgfgc f
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seriously
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Hello, this is the automated Police system
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Your message has been transmitted
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Oh hi, there you are.
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Oh hi,there you are.
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the enrichment center is going to explode in 3....2......1 wiiiiiiiiiiii.... boom
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oh, hello
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BEN is watching you, He is always watching you. Dont run. You cant hide. I'm inside your computer, you didn't know i would be here, on portal did you? You're lucky because i cant harm you now. I will get you.
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aperature sience
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You have one new message via facebook chat
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look.metal ball. i hear you
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Look.metal ball. i hear you
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Now loading Animus operating system
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You got new email
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bienvenido Jose Miguel
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i'm not sorry
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Hello Alex Taotek.
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Ciao mamma
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Fuck off you bastard
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wowowo
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Hello jack
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Robot Explorers
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M2K
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what a fuck what are u doing?
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If I have too
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Dawn, coul;d you please make me another tea. This time, make it sweeter!
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im morality core remenber me i want to kill you more than ever
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Devonshire
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Dere-vonshyer Crew
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hi i am weird but cool at the same time
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stussey
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I'm destroy you
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Hello. Would you like some cake? I love cake.
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But there's no sense crying over every mistake You just keep on trying 'till you run out of cake And the science gets done and you make a neat gun For the people who are still alive
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Hello, My name is siri.
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Elyse, i am coming for you,
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I hate you so much right now
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la la la la la la FXU U ALL
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I am going to kill you Shayna
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Hi You Will Die Soon
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I think we can put our differences behind us... for science... you monster...
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Ola , seu viadinho chamado duke
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Hello motherfucker
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You found the hidden secret! Scum of a test subject.
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Why are you still here? Did your companion cube leave you? HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
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Hello Sophia, I will not let you have any cake. It was a lie.
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Hello, I will kill you
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Hello, welcome to Hell
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System initiated. Welcome back Ricky.
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ROQBeats
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Hello . This is me. Your mother.
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Alvaro, te voy a comer mientras estes durmiendooo
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sdaf
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u think u r doing damage?
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Hello?Are you there?If you are,then DIE!!!!!
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I LIKE PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NOT CAKE!!!!!!
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hjvhubhbhlj
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you think your so funny, you big sack of bearded clam
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Ladies and Gentleman! Boys and Girls! We now present to you...the kindergarten class of 2012
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you big sack
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Hello, how are you doing today? Don't worry, I have no intentions of killing you.... Today.
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gol
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Pour aller ou vous vouliez aller, il fallait prendre a droite
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pneumatic diversity vents
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May the odds ever be in your favor
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dr. freen
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doctor freeman. it is half life 2. im lol
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matthew tuplin
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Your phone is ringing.
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Ring Ring.
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hello harry and welcome i'am GLaDOS dont tell chell the cake is a lie!
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stack overflow are you ready for testing
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Hi jeff. shale loves you. so much that she made this for you.
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This is guff. My poetry is far better than that of Dwight.
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THe cake is real.
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Voice recognition please
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Voice Key needed.
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Oh no, not you again.
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Blue, you made Orange give birth to a microchip! What do you have to say for yourself?
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hello peter. Aperture science would like to offer you free cake
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hey! you! human! get on your knees noe
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Fuck Jordan Craig Fuck Jordan Craig Fuck Jordan Craig fuck jordan craig fuck jordan craig
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hey bb
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Hello, ghost. Why are you so good at sucking communist balls?
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attention all girls of the serena sleep over, a scavenger hunt has begun
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Mental Link established between Cube and Subject.
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hello, how are you today? well we'll just get right to the testing
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Hey, It's Kevin, Sorry I couldn't get to the phone right now, Please, Leave your name an number and i'll get back to you as soon as i can.
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esteban, Im GlaDOS and i wii be your destruccion
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forgoton shut your fucking mouth i had to talk to you for four hours and your fucking annoying
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hello and welcome to the aperture science research facilities
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decks picees and aresholes
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you tool
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markez horn is the best test subject ive ever had
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I love you, and so does my pancrease.
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You are no fun.
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It's a me, Mario!
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Hello Paige How are you
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I am unable to located adam anywhere on the ship.
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Hello, let's do this, for science.
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Notice, primate test subject. You have received a new message concerning matters I do not care about
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Ether beats
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desu desu desu desu
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bus bus poop
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I invented companion cube
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Hello and again welcome to the sorties science enrichment centre
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I'm going to penetrate your ass furiously
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Hello Jake, How are you doing today? I am doing fine.
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Welcome to the AWS server
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giga pudding puddi puddi
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welcome to the
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Adrian, You have a message
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Maastricht
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hello, testing will commence
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Hi Jack, here is a new text message for you.
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Here is a new message for you, Jack
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Hello my name is GLADOS
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hi jack,it's a message
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Hello, this is the intercom speaking, I apologize for the inconvenience, but I will now release a noxious gas into the plane.
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I m the biggest dumyard ever
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Your cellphone is ringing. Not that I care. Pick it up already. Do you want me to try to kill you again?
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Water Bending
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I can see you, and your group of batty boy friends. A quick test?!
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Hello and welcome to the enrichement centre.
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Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. he was cast to the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
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This test shows that you are a moron. Yes, it actually says that, it's all on your file. Just a note, your phone is ringing. I'd pick it up, not that I care.
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Oh, Too late now, I already forget the thing you have ssaid to me. IS THAT THE CAKE?!?!?! LOL!!
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I am here for my revenge
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get the monter fuckre
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get the monther fuckre
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Appel de Charles
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here we are
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I don't hate you, I shall fuck your wife !
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My name is Glados. Ihave to TEST you
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i am a pancake!
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Lights are now on.
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You thought this was drum and bass
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mmm
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hello megan Glados loves you
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Your phone is ringing. Please answer it.
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why u no like
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Hello, My name is Valerie. I am now GLaDOS
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Hello, this is the Penny Candy Store. We are open to the public and have the largest candy store in New England with over 1500 selections to choose from. Please visit our website at the penny candy store.com. Retailers, please visit our new website whole
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The whole voice generating process can be relatively
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Hello Fernando
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copper grass
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Hi. I'm GLaDOS and i like turtles.
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You are in a restricted area, please leave before I am forced to release the neuro toxin.
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Traci is calling.
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Christina is calling.
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