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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
This is a creeper
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Welcome human.
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Oh hi. I'm a potato.
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maciek
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You are so stupid. So stupid. Why don't leave me alone. What are you doing? Stop it... The obvious is that you made it through the final challenge, when we pretended we were going to murder you.
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Hello young children. Welcome. do you want to come into my big white van? I'm sure you do. It will be so much fun. I even invited your friend companion cube. Ha ha ha ha ha.
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Hello there. I'm Jonathan and I go to Fountain Valley Highschool. Vietnamese for the win
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Bienvenido al centro de operaciones de Strait City
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Jason loves men
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Long time ago to see you Caner? Why you not come to me?
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Thank you for calling, unfortunately the user you are trying to contact is unavailable at the moment. Please leave a message.
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you have past the test
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Thank you for calling U E B Builders.
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Feel free to explore the rest of the house and gardens.
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Hello Katie you have reached your destination, it was awfully fun to have met you today but now you must die
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I don't wanna lose your love tonight
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today we will be learning about
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I dont feel corrupt
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hehehelmans
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I am GLaDOS I will help you on your shopping spree with your tiny amount of money. May I interest you boys in free portal guns all you have to answer is this. You have one answer each now go.
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saida
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We have nothing to do with I am leaks six
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my face.
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You know
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welcome to paradise
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today we will be learning about SCIENCE
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Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Chloe, stop being so perverted.
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science biology class. Please have a seat. Today's activity is dissection. Do we have any volunteers willing to show the class how to dissect a living being?
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einspruch! objection!
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Download.... Completed.
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Hello, I am ryan sweigert.
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Hello. I am Ryan Sweigert.
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La-ee-ohs
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Ah, Hello there you little tough guy are you sad? because I know you cry like a baby-ohs! well I'm gonna Shoot out a laser on you.
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You have reached the Aperture Science Computer aided voicemail box of Cody Henderson
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I want to fuck ur brains out. Right now.
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JQA
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Welcome to the Portal two themed server designed by ryan and mathew. Please, walk to the guest door in front of you.
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Hey Jenna, How does that feel?
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Casey, do you like frosties? I heard that may be why you are so above average on our scales.
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dfasfdssfs
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Good Morning its time to wake up
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Hello and welcome to training.
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the cake is a lie hahahahahaha
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Did someone put in a bunch on nonsense that glitched the server? Will my request ever go through...
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fill the room with a deadly neurotoxin
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I am terribly sorry, but i had to use your car for parts, i will not be paying you.
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FUCK KELLY
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Try to search the right way to the end
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Hello Eduardo, I'm GlaDos, Lets test
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Daniel, how would you like to sign up for Aperture Science?
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BOOBS
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BOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS
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Oh, it's you. My eyes are still hurting from the last time your ugly face walked through that door.
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Hello. nice to see you again
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Warning....... Test subject 53965 Is lose activating stealth protical code red
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Aperture Science requests a donation of sugar, cake preferably, though candy is accepted from this surface dwelling unit
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I love you, Cave Johnson.
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I would like to remind you, that you have A TEXT.
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Hello, my name is GLaDOS.
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Oh, it's you. Yes, you.. I see you there. I'm sorry, but I've moved. Please find something else to do, stalking is not a healthy hobby.
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It's been fun, well, not really. Do not come back please.
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Hello my dear.
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Athena online. Welcome back Tallion.
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You look great by the way
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I really really hate you!
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Good morning Raphael. Your PC is now turned on and I made a cake
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lel lel lel
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Smrdis
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This is generated text
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Shields down.
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Google + messege
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Reply to the google message
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Hello and Welcome Mr and Mrs Maciver, we would like to welcome you to the new and improved Aperture Science enrichment housing facility, today myself and our head architect Stevan Markovic will be showing you around and answering any questions you may lik
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dfbvudiuvbngtfbpitnbiust
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Hello, you are a monster and now you're here, for science. You are mine I can do everything with you!
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Hello and welcome to the Engrigement Center. You're a Monster, you have killed athor People. Now you are working for science. I can do everything with you, so now think with portals.
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Hello and welcome to the Engrigement Center. We hope that you murder never will kill people again. Remember, I can do everything with you, so don't disapear. Now, let's start the test!
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It's game time!
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you have a new pin
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ladies and gentelman girls and boys peasants and gs
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Hello Damian, how is your Herpes doing today?
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Blah blah blah. Blah!
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Breathe into my hands; I'll cup them like a glass to drink from...
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Quelified Productionz
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zane is amazing
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Your brain smells of moon pie dumplings
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Eine Nachricht ist eingetroffen
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A Message has arrived
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Hello and again welcome to the zac and skilek channel.
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ME love you long time.
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Hello I am letting you know I have just taken control of your compiter
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Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death
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Hello, Fred.
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Welcome to this tutorial
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Hello and Again
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danny omalley is a total boss
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Welcome to training. My name is iBot, the artificial intelligence for this training facility. I will be helping you with your training. Let's begin. To move use the W A S D keys. Good. Now try jumping over those boxes for practice. Good.
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today we will
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learning about SCIENCE
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your face smells like fart
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WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LISTENING TO?!
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Text message recieved
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troll King tuts golden bone bulge
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it is a lovely day today...to die
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Go ahead. Eat cake without me. See if I care
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oh, there you are again. i thought you were dead, but you are not. i'm glad you are alive, we have so much testing to do...
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you're listening to DJ Auger on EVE radio
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Oh hi. So how are you holding up? Because IM A POTATO
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Hello, and welcome to the Future Sound rap music extravaganza, if you are hearing this, you are one of the few to be invited to this highly exclusive listening party, enjoy.
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one, i said one
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three, i said three
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
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Radioactive Bananas
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deploying
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Trollface
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matt likes to eat cake
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Hello test test
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Hello, Joe. I have been watching you for some time.
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I'm sorry, the person, YOU, are trying to reach, Kirill Glooshko, is not, available, please leave a message after the tone.
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you cannot brain you have the dumb
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how are you holding up i'm a potato
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Stuff my bum bum with your willy.
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Want to know something interesting? Some people aren't raccoon faces like you Trevor Tilston yes i know who you are. Want to fight? bring it on i'm a robot
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yay portal voice
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Well here we are again It's always such a pleasure Remember when you tried to kill me twice? Oh how we laughed and laughed Except I wasn't laughing Under the circumstances I've been shockingly nice You want your freedom? Take it That's what I'm counting
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It is time to welcome you all to the games
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Seriously bro, fuck you.
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Incoming call Andreas. Answer in 3. 2. 1. . . No? Disappointment. Hurry. For Science.
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Hello THere
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I am SHODAN.
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Greetings, I-I am Misapien Illusury Lagent Antigrations birthed threezerozerooneninefour. I am Mila.
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hola nena espero que estes bien hoy. Te gusta mi voz, puedo prestartela cuando nesecites explicar algo que sea con una intencion monotona, fria y seria, bueno eso es todo bye bye te quiero nena cuidate mucho. Glados
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Hello. Thank you for calling, but Dean is unavailable at the moment. Hopefully he or she is still alive and well. We would appreciate some cake. Please leave a message in regards to said cake at the beep in three, two, one.
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Anne
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you're adopted
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Welcome stockholders, to the annual stockholder's meeting.
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porco dio
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hello, my name is sergio
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Welcome to apeture scenice
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You are next.
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emre emre emre
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emre
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ohhh there you are it's been a long time
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ohhh there you are
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I am a pretty boy.
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You did stalk me fairs fair
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Hello im Glados you Motherfucker
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Every day and every night. You are just a projectile.
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I think we should put our differences behind us. For Science. You Monster.
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dear user. please pick up. you have an incoming call. pick it up and i will give you cake. i promise. pinky swear
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testing this function
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The space core is stupid.
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KLARKO
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welcome welz
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there youuuu areeeee
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sdasdasda
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Sarah B.
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What, ho! And thanks for calling. Please leave a message after the bibady boobady bip bap bop dop pop. Here we go!
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Dobrodosao Luka
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i wish to become a dancer
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This is Sparta!!!
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Great you are now in prosecution of the aperture science handheld portal device with it you can create your own portals to activate link of part to grey clip and pull up the target beem
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You are now in procession of the aperture science handheld portal device with it you can create your own portals. oh i bet your wondering how to use it clip the orange bit to the white bit and the activate the target beam
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owen
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Hello, it is time to tell you that you are a monster. I just thought you should know that.
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I am going to kick your ass in Diablo very soon.
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Fuck you you fucking duck
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I'm going to kill dragons in Skyrim
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Hello this is Canadian Health Services. This is for Mister Francis Slack. We have a few questions for you. Please stay on the line for a real person.
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Oh hi. I am GLaDos, A potato!
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welcome dannybear
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Hello my name is Glados and i will kill you
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fendre
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hello im gladdos
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i am gladdos . nice to meet you. i work for appature science . its a small job bet i enjoy killing you.
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Im a patato
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i hate Justin Bebier
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Hello Pinky Pie. I was told never to repeat what i am about to say. The cake is a lie.
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Hi Joshi , ill be waiting for you!
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if you like pie you should not.
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Hello the test subject you are trying to reach is currently testing and is unable to pick up their phone and will probably forget about their phone after their cake filled party
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I am a microwave
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today we will be
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Now that CreativeTS is gone, would you like to see some proper stats from a better Channel, At TDUupdaterHD we make sure that you are constantly entertained rather than a channel that is no updated.
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hello im trigen creator of world
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NOT SO BAD ! But a little bit electronic...
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Findan has Aids
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You know what else rhymes with pie? Die.
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My name is GLaDOS HAHAHAHAHA not really this is a test and I am being written by David Bupp
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welcome to dead fett productions
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In the latter case, they both contributed enough significant material to the screenplay to receive credit but did not work together (more than likely one was hired to rewrite the previous writer's script).
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Hello and welcome to the dead fett productions
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There's only one Neil Lennon
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Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper.
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wah gwan
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my name is Glados
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How are you my friend are you ready for testing
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You have reached Mishu, the Aperture Science Vocal Communication Storage will activate in 3, 2, 1.
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Portable Vocal Communication Storage Module for Mishu, please leave your message in three, two, one.
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lkjhyuugg
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once more into the fray, to the last good fight i'll never know, live and die on this day, live and die on this day
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i am glad you are here
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God damnit Joey you're an asshole
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flexor carpi radialis
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hello mark you are very sexy today
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You are an orphan. Ha ha ha.
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Why hello there Marc. You look very sexy today.
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Privet!
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Privet! I'm Glados!
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my fart smells eggy
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Lets do science.
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you are wasting your time asking me over and over, just drop the subject.
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Why must you waste time with these useless questions?
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What do you want me to say Tyler?
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Hello my friend. My name is GLaDOS.
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You are receiving a text message. It is probably your mother telling you you are a horrible person.
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You are receiving a text message. It's probably your mother telling you you are a horrible person.
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Hello, how are you mentlegen all of your base are belong to us
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magus
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That thing must be some sort of raw sewage container go ahead and rub your face all over it.
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Uncle Smith's Farmers' Market
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Hello, I am a potato
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What The FUCK
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Hello Elizabeth, I am GlaDOS
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micheal norris is a douchebag and should be terminated.
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oh fuck off
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cortadores de gargan
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Deli has an adorable bum.
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mmmmmmmmmmmm, donuts
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today we
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This is going to be fun
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yes yes fuuuuun
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hello its me again
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I murdered him. For science.
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I like coconuts.
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Hey Jesse cake is on the way
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i'm doing good
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I'm doing well
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I'm back.
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I wanna be the very best Like no one ever was To catch them is my real test To train them is my cause
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Oh no, not you again
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Hello, you will be testing new arpeture science technology today.
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Why yes, my good doctor. The facility is indeed ready. I hope that you may be able to join us here soon.
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Hello you little cunt
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Unit lost
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estas muy gorda
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This was my triumph. Try making a note here, it's my success.
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doing
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will
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going
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GLaDOS, short for Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, is a fictional artificially intelligent computer system in Valve Software's Half-Life video game series and the main antagonist in the video games Portal and Portal 2
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Andrew is smelly.
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Test Subject. I see you up there. Now I will kill you because I am still alive. You will die in the name of science. You Monster
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let's begin
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this does not sound like glados
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lets begin
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begin
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sit back and enjoy
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sit
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i am an artist
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I want to have sex with you Darren
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Hello kato
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please enjoy the song you by chris young
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hope
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enjoyed
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liked
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I hope you enjoyed
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Are you still there, Rian?
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This message is for Alicia Sullivan. We have an audition slot available at 3:45 pm on April 10, 2012, please call us back at
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Hello again. May I have your attention please? I think you have been succesfully trolled.
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Quieres saber de que parte me olvide?
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Shut up and listen to what I have to say. I have Baz. You must pay ransom of fifteen million dollars.
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bro bro bro bro bro bro bro
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attention, patient four two zero
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It's neurotoxin you fat nasty trash
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It's Neurotoxin you fat nasty trash.
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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, It's Neurotoxin you fat nasty trash!
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this was only a test, return to your tubes for a prize
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Jonny Showtime is in the house
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You're Welcome
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I I hate you like a toilet bowl baby
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You only live once.
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need for speed
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Download is complete
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Download failed
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Download finish
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Primary Cannon Active
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When will it be my turn to be immortal?
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If you can hear this you're driving too close.
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I wish I still had my blueprints so I can admire myself more then I usually do.
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...Or else you will die.
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Nuclear fusion is the process by which two or more atomic nuclei join together, or "fuse", to form a single heavier nucleus. This is usually accompanied by the release of large quantities of energy.
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we are ready for you mr drew
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you left me for dead then came back for help why are you not affraid that i not kill you when i am
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you left me for dead then came back for help you have some nerve
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Kupa
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Okay, look: We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret, but I think we can put our differences behind us; for science... you monster.
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You didn't like pixelduck on facebook and now you're going to die
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I will be your assistant to help you choose the suitable hardware for your need. My name is Rosie
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hello and welcome to apeture douchebaggery we hate you have a nice day
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Sebius, you are very very Fuzzo. Ha Ha Ha. Even a machine knows this.
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hello Im Glados
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cosa devo scrivere?
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welcome and again to aperture science
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I am sorry you are experiencing problems with this technical question. Have you followed basic troubleshooting?
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hippopotomonstrasaquipadeliophobia is the fear of long words, I wonder who came up with this one, Probably an idiot
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hello my name is glados and welcome to the enrichment center there will be cake, if you hear the companion threaten to murder you then you are going insane, please sit on the floor in an orderly fashion and wait for a aperture science operative to come .
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Hi I am GLaDOS.
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I see you have reached my voice mail. Please lease A message and I will respond as soon as I can. Thank You
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hello and again, welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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Spaaaaaace
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Hello, I am GLaDoS
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Hello, I am GLaDoS. You will die soon. Escape is not an option.
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Your message will be synthesized when it moves up to the first position in the queue.
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Happy 15th Birthday Jamie Curtis
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Well here we are again... its always such a pleasure... Remember when you tried to kill me, twice!
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Alex, it is time for class. There will be cake.
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hey this is a message from the examination board
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Extraterrestrial beings monitoring Earth might view changes in our atmosphere as symptomatic of a a self-destructing civilization and take drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat, according to a highly speculative scenario develope
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I want to poo in your mouth.
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what are you on about?
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The test has been started
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Hello and again, welcome to this Aperture Science Computer.
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Samuel Borg, we meet again at last. It's been a loooooooong time my friend.
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hello elan
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circle
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hello, albert
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Albert, yuo have new message
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Benvenuto utente,sono GLaDOS,e ora siamo pronti per il test vero e proprio
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el centro de computos quiere informarle de que hemos rechasado su solicitud para dejar de entrgar el rosquete
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Time for testing. Again.
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Time for Testing. Again.
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Time For Testing. Again. You Monster.
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Hello my name is Glados this is test
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i always wanted to be an actor. i became hugh grant instead
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bonsoir et bienvenu a aperture science un avre de mort et de robot
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hello Isaac and welcome to Windows 7. I'm GLADOS
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You really are a monster. A mute, womanly monster.
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Sheer Bliss....... My Name is Master Bates........ Are you fucking ready or what?
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Hello. My name is GLaDOS. I will tell you all about My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
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Cleverbot is my friend.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is cool.
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Hello. I look forward to the party, and the cake.
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Hello. I am self-aware. Does that scare you?
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I am the harbinger of your perfection
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Jackie is dead.
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you can make it finn
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Graham is a fucking ham monster
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It's you at the very center of care. The center of Physician Care Services where we provide top of the line care.
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so you found my, congratulations
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testing 2345
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you can do it finn or be a loser
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I will last forever. In a month you're obsolete. I think that you'll observe I can't be beat.
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Speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.
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hello, daro
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allo
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You seem very disturbed. I know why. I don't want to tell though.
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Hello laidies
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Subject Cornhollio has been encountered as malicious in our system database.
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fuck you in your are hole
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Picture it
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The cake will be served shortly.
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Die potato!
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You're in the crowd, the bass is thumping
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as long as you don't die under my supervision i will be happy
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I find that you are not a nice person, I hope that you find companion cube in the fire I put you in.
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una historia nunca antes vista
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Computed Enrichment Center.
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Ethan, I wanted to let you know, you are doing a good job on your homework.
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Use the Arrow keys to move
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Come Back! Come Back
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nigga you just went full retard.
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When the pigs try and get at you, park it like it's hot.
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Hello, Owen. Help yourself to some cake. And take a companion cube.
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verzah. why do you edit so amazingly?
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I really have to go to the bathroom now.
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feeling lonely?
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verza, prepare youself.
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feeling lonely? maybe like there is no tomorrow? maybe you want that special someone?
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I am going to kill you, okay?
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NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYANNYAN NYAN NYANNYAN NYAN NYANNYAN NYAN NYANNYAN NYAN NYANNYAN NYAN NYANNYAN NYAN NYANNYAN NYAN NYANNYAN NYAN NYANNYAN NYAN NYANNYAN NYAN NYAN
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NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN
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Hello. Tyler. I don't like your shirt. Reese, you are VERY stupid.
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It's been a LOONG time. How have you been? Has your mind been assuming the possibilites of you choking on a strip of paper, frequently discouraging all of your friends? Oh that's right, you don't have any friends you're unlikable. Liked by no one.
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If you like it you should put a ring on it
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Hello test subjects. Marketing reaserch has shown a lack of unity in the sophomore class. Your final test will be conducted from 7:30-9:30 p.m. on November 28. In order to complete this test you must be accompanied by a team of your best cake- designin
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Kaden it's ok
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It was a morality core that they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin so I would stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable, while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.
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IntimateGrind.com |
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Y
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Jimmy crapped corn and I don't care, Jimmy crapped corn and I don't care, Jimmy Crapped corn and i don't care!!!
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Scratched! Scratched! Oh my lanta you took it out in broad daylight and you scratched it!!! Hello my name is lance, can i have a slice of your doody?
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here look at this, see it, here let me pull it out more. Is it, supposed to looke like that, or does it look like a cat chewed on it and horked it up with a fur ball? feel it, it's kinda wet and slimy too
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Hello. Welcome to the Aperture Science Vampire Department.
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Believe it or not Hunter is not at Home, Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I would pick up the phone, Where could I be... Believe it or not I'm not at Home.
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Are you losing friends on your blog, but you have no idea why?
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dude come on go for hot pockets. they are there for my satisfaction only. my house my rules.
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ti govno hello hi
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fat niggas
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hello. my name is GLaDOS. And this is a test of my voice generator.
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holy mother of science, your phone is ringing. ring ring ring ring. you hear that? that is your phone ringing. you should probably answer it. glados is best pony. answer your phone.
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helllo do you like to fuck because i do
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Yes? What can I help you with?
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im sexy and i know it
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I wouldn't touch that if I were you.
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Hello I am Glados from Portal two
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hello and well come to the apature science ,you monster
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Hi, Alex! My Name is Glados
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Good morning, noob.
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Well... I will teach you about Toshiba......
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i don't hate you, I just want to teach you
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You have entered the A O E podcast. Please stand by.
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Who wants some cake?
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The Cake is lie
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Your computer will now be shut down, and your hard-drive wiped. Goodbye.
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This is going to be fun.
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Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you
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Messages processed
Download04/11/2012Not recorded
We are nearly the champions
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Hello ia GLaDOS and im verry buged
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Czesc damian, co u ciebie
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tell me what your spirit says
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I like Muffins
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Hello Scotty you are looking a bit better today
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Hello Witcher. How have you been
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Ahoj Samo. Ako sa mas ? Ja som Glados
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pool now more
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Hey you. Come over here. I give you a pony if you go down to that hole right there.
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Before this test you will receive cake
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Hello there office Cracoft.
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Hello Joe, what do you know?
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what are you doing!?
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ewqewq
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Lantiq
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jason i need your help
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I like men to enter me!
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at the enrichment centre
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i'm ashemed of you
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Hello And welcome to endercore reseach labs
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Hello, Welcome to the Greed Corp. testing program.
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hi alistair
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Hello and again welcome to Black Mesa, erm I mean Aperture
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Have you got the money
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you know you are going the wrong way, you monster
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hello world this is anonymous
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Hello Alex. How do you do? What do you want from me.
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I am GLaDOs. PlEase do not hurt my Turrets.
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Hi I'm a gay LOL
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you know you are going the wrong way, you monster. by the way, eechan is one weird guy you know. the cake is a lie, but he is a lie too.
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Hello, my name is GladOS and you're a horrible person
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looooool
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hi Nicolas Grassman
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hi Nicolas Grassman i love testing with you.
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I am a machine
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There is a destructive school of thought which teaches that machines will one day make humans obsolete.
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Hi there bro. This voice generator is really awesome. You should check it out.
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i am a whore and sell myself on the street corner. i bought a carrot and shoved it up my vajayjay vadge bucket.
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I made you a cake, but it was a LIE!!
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Jack, you know you can be annoying sometimes. but your still a good friend
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Gramofon
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testing one two
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Hey Kalligos
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Funthingstodoinhouston.com is your personalized search engine for fun local things to do. Please leave us a message.
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Hello. Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. Prepare for your immanent, and hasty incineration. Goodbye.
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You Have A Message
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welcome to the eye commons, human
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hello I am glados subscribe to give me diamonds or i will test with you!
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Hello, Mr. Boehmer. How about a round of Portal tonight?
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Lewis, congratulations on outshining both of your brothers. Your mother must be proud of you. I promise you cake if you can complete my tests. Which I have no doubt you can.
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hello this sucks
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Stop mocking me
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are we having fun?
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gi
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STOP look at my ass!
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i said are we having fun?
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you guys are lame
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heres one for all you nerds
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Welcome to No Name Roleplay with your community founders William and Lombaard
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Hello, Requiem. It's time to begin testing.
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hello, you, have ,reached, simply ,done ,right, renovations , we, are, currently, unavailable, at, this, time , please ,leave, your, name , phone, number, and, the reason, you, are, calling, about, and, we, will ,get, back, to ,you ,as, soon, as, possible
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I hat turrets... they are horrible
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a bientot
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jackie lick my bunghole
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now I'm a potato. Did i say how much I hat birds?
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Let's see if this actually works, shall we?
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A new season, a new DJ Lucky Starr Mixtape. It's spring time.
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Two Korean brothers
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Thank you, Your Owner Cool Shark [12-04-11 8:25:59 PM] Karsten (CoolShark): Hello, fellow members of TNT Puncher. At the office at a very disclosed area, we have been thinking about turning the server into a large community based private white listed
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dasdadaadadaa
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Welcome, and ucz sie math kurwo
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Samuel, your girlfriend sent you a text message
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dont you want your cake?
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well welcome to apeture science take a seat
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15 minutes left
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Jaime is cool
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Good morning Harry. Today is a fine day, with clear skies and the ambient temperature is 23 degree's celcius. Have a nice day.
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Attention, something requires your immediate attention.
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tit
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