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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Diego, you got a message
Download03/19/201203/17/2013
Hello marco
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This is truly a wonderful thing.
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Oh, great. It's you again.
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Fine, DON'T care then.
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Stop.
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Are you sure you should do this?
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chell chell chell prepare to die with neurotoxin I will get it wormed up for you. have a very nice time getting killed goodbye chell.
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Hello, And again, Welcome to the aperture science testing courses
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romeo and juliet
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This summer.
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This is GLaDOS speaking.
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I like cheese curds.
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Hey you, whatsd up?
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tell me graphic
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What the hell is wrong with you!
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Welcome to Imobilco. Give me a minute to setup your account. Thank you.
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Incoming
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Hello I'm GLaDOS
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I will eat your brains, for science.
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the other side at skip F M
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Forte Drum Roll's Fan Fic Reading
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featuriing
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featuring
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Stupid Dogbot
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clever fiesta
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manamakan hari
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Test is mine
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What the deal yo?
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I will now attempt to end your sad little life
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Your sad chubby little life will come to an end
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eighty thousand dollars
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Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your traveling experience.
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America is bleeding out its old values and replacing them with greed.
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hello again. nice to meet you
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hello, and agian, welcome to the aperture science computer adided enrichment center
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Woo HOo
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Hello dennis hoff junior
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But I think we can put our differences behind us, for science, you monster
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egypt
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Katon
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we are the champions my friend
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Hi this is colleen
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Rachel is an ideot. Avoid her
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DIE WEATLEY DIE!
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I am fat
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apercure science
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Rachel you are a moron
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Kevin I love you
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die ideot
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Hello Steve
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Hello. My name is Matt. I am In command of your computer.
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Happy Birthday, Jeca!
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Happy birthday to the best sister ever!
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It is ok I still love you
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Let's go and find the biggest asshole in the world
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Are you gay
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hallo and met again
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D J Ry Ry In Da Mix
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Matthew Pickrahn its nice to see that you finally got into portal
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afdsfafdsa
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Hello Ben Wallace, Its me Glados. Be careful corefisto or i will kill you
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Hello and welcome to the enrichment center.
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You are listening to "The sound of light". Mixed by DJ Kreowa.
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I will burry you alive
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Vous pensez vraiment vous enfuir?
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Google Talk
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Are you sure you really need that cupcake?
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you little pufty
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To pass this level one member of your group must sing the song i can't make you love me by bonnie raitt. failure to complete the song successfully and your group will not pass. you have one minute to decide who will represent you in singing this song, nig
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Soon we can begin testing
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Iniciando sesion
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Im GLaDOS not that you will live long enough for it to matter
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Shutdown sequence initiated
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You have reached Integrand Software
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Bonjour thiibaut
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The inspiration for her creation extends from Wolpaw's use of a text-to-speech program while writing lines for the video game Psychonauts. Other Psychonauts designers were finding the lines funnier as a result of the text-to-speech voice. GLaDOS was origi
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owen is cool
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Bonjour Thibaut , Comment vas tu aujourd'hui
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hello there. how are you doing?
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welcome to M.labs
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The current setpoint on thermostat one is 74 degrees
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Jerry, Why do you not just die in a fire..
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I am dave
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Velociraptor
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I want to congratulate you on coming so far.
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Hi, I am Glados, a genuis. You however are a retarded peon. lol.
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In a world without burritos would that be like a world without Glado's?
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Hello this is google glados I have gave you a virus goodbye
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you have got to be kidding me
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WHAT have these PEOPLE BEEN SAYING!!!
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Ooh. Aah. Nice shields-WITH HIS NAME ON THEM!
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IF HE BRANDS ANY MORE OF MY EQUIPMENT, I WILL-Aperture Science decency filter applied-subdivide him into servos and circuits.
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i love dogs.
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Fuck you, Blake
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Well you finally found me. Was it worth it?
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appaullling
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Well you found me. Congradulations. Was it worth it? Because all you have managed to break it my heart.
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Hello. Welcome to the GLaDOS Model project. Please use the controls to operate my chamber as well as me.
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Bravery
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The future masters of technology will have to be light-hearted and intelligent. The machine easily masters the grim and the dumb.
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There was once a princess who was so mean
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this was a triumph, I'm making a note here,huge success
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperature Science Enrichment Center.
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Warning. Total Spontaneous Existence Failure Detected on cryobay 17.
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King shit of fuck mountain.
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Calling Sheriff
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Andrew is a complete moron.
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You are not alone
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herpaderp
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my name is hayle
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hi iam quantic link from quantic gaming and my gameplay is really bad because iam gabriel skilled
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el oh el jay kay
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The Notebook will make you laugh
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You have reached the voicemail of Deanna Kujawa. I'm sorry I'm not available to take your call right now. Your call is very important to me. Please stay on the line and the next available operator will take your call in the order it was recieved.
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Well here we are again. It's always such a pleasure. Remember when you tried to kill me twice. Oh how we laughed and laughed. Except I wasn't laughing. Under the circumstances I've been shockingly nice.
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Get out of my life
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Dear Diary
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hello, matthew
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Welcome to duskler!
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Thank you for calling Petchburi Avenue
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We both said a lot of things you're going to regret
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engasado engasado cash luna los bendiga ano nimus compuceic fresh cul me la pela
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Hello Mother, How are you
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Hello Mother, How are you?
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oh, its you.
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hi i just want you to know that i miss you
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Bit me
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oh, and don't worry I'll kill you later
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Death will come on to you in a slow pain full manner.
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You are the bane of my exisitence Chell
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Boom Headshot
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Space? Space! SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
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Renegade Storm
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Retrieve the package.
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Aldebaran Robotics has been invited to perform at the opening ceremony of PyCon 2012
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You have an SMS received!
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unko
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Oh lordy, I love eating poo!
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I've been *really* busy being dead. You know, after you *murdered* me!
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generating process
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Hello, I am DlaDOs
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Hello Josh i was expecting you
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Hello Josh Its GlaDOS
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what you said about my mother motherfacker
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There is someone trying to call you. That's surprising considering none of your friends like you. I wonder why that is. Oh. I know. It's because you're a monster.
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New electronic message
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Cool story, bro.
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Je ne vous en veux pas.
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If you are not nice to me, you will never see me again. I am going to blind you.
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Play nice
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Kieryh
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Who are you?I don't know you!
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Hello Andre. I've been waiting for you to do some testing.
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Cases n Trays is the way of the future
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school is a big part of our lives. High school is the most important learning experience of them all. you can make school easy or hard depending on your behavior in class and out of class. in this movie im going to show you how to be a good student
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why the hell did you kill me? i hate you! you shall die!
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I kill you monser
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Adam, your phone is ringing. I usggest you answer it. It may be important. Or the Army telling you that you've been drafted. Either one works for me.
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Hello, you've reached Vincent Gleizal voicemail.Please leave your name, number, and a short message after the beep. Thank you for calling
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Adam, your phone is ringing. I suggest you answer it. It may be important. Or the Army telling you that you've been drafted. Either one works for me.
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This next treatment will gauge your threshold for pain.
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Alan Turing - Hahahahaha
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Bonjour je vous hais
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bonjour tu veut etre mon ami
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There was a time when professional wrestling
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Congratulations!
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This sentence is false
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I like to do Parkour
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Hallo Robin
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Hi im portal device and we know you
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gfdgfd
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dsgf fdgfd fdgd fdg
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Die alone
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My name is GLaDOS.
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Features stunts performed by a professional athlete chimpanzee. Do not attempt any of these stunts unless you are a talented chimpanzee, and under the supervision of an adult. Know your limits, wear protective gear, and remember, safety is everything!
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Portal to Earth, Neko. Are you there?
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The Drop Is A Lie.
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I hope you're having fun. BECAUSE I'M A POTATO!
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You have new Messages, you Monster!
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Heyy
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This should help.
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Hello, welcome to tes chamber thirteen. First watch for pesky companion cubes. Disregard anything they say.
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fuck you black mesa
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You.
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Hello, Zachary. Would you like some cake?
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Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da, Boom-de-ah-da,.,.,The End.
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I played Skyrim yesterday,I shouted at a bird!
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Holy Monkey Butts Batman, This Stinks
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I wanna jizz in your ass, you stupid prick teasing hore slutt! Phuck you and your big tittie betch of a phucking mom
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hello mother fuckers!
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Hello there Ashley. I undestand you are dating this guy
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Excuse Me Sir, You have a Text Message from... Ashley
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Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Kostas
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Moron!!!
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Hello are you there?
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hello and again welcome to the apature science computer aided inrichment centre
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Excuse me, human, You have a Text Message from... Akees
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the following comment was used to test out if idiots are easily amused and they are
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hello and again welcome to the apature science centre
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This is a dream. You need to wake up.
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hello and again welcome to the apature science centre. we are happy you have come to stay with us
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Why hello the Chell
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billy bob joe
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woo you suck
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ultra brains
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hello and again welcome to the apature science computer aided inrichment center
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Hello and welcome back Tori
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SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP SPACE CORE!
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shut up space core.
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Welcome to H S S Tactical Ink
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Perttu Peltonen
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You have a text message from
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hello my name is mike
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I've been really busy being dead, you know, since you murdered me.
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hello rewpo
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Now get the fuck up
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you are a moron
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Hello Noms, what's up?
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Hallo Dennis
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Welcome to the aperture science computer-aided enrichment center.
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Hello i'm glados and im here to watch you until your husband comes......... but he wont be here for 2 more years.
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Hello, Please put down your Aperture Science Portal Gun. You are not qualified for testing.
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Hello, Amanda and Larissa.
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biatch please
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Hi katlyn
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Bienvenue sur le forum 15-18 de jeuxvideo.com
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I am coming for you wiggy
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I am coming for you hobo Vulpes
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Stretch Warmup Cooldown 3 2 1 Go
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Due to the nuclear radiation the D N A in animals radically mutated
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Hello and Again Welcome To Aperture Science Enrichment Center
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Look behind you. If you dare...
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Give me lemons
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welcome to forsaken
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Danger
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you've reached 9074441772. Please leave a detailed message.
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This is for ... science!
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the fox jumped over the baby
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surpricing
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Oh joy. You have a new notification. It is likely junk mail or a wrong number. I'm sure it isn't of any importance, considering it came to your phone.
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I'm just testing this out
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some idiot is trying to text you
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liebe ist fur alle da
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Hello Mandy. C. O. Has been testing.
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Oh my gosh so I ws like woooohoooo and stuff and yeeaah.
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The test results have come back. It says you are a horrible person. That's what it says, a horrible person, we weren't even testing for that.
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dsadsa
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hola, te acuerdas de mi? Supongo que si ya que tu, ME MATASTE
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oh eres tu... me recuerdas? supongo que si ya que tu, ME MATASTE
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buthole liccker
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ghjklh
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eagle-shaped muffins
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Howdy howdy howdy
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You're watching another Geeber video
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You've reached the mailbox of Lewis Herd. He is currently being tested in Aperture Science Laboratories. Please leave a message and he will get back to you as soon as he can.
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You can do it Kate! Or not. Doesn't to me. I'm a potato
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Hello. My name is GLaDOS. Black Mesa can kiss my shiny metal ass.
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Testing this tool
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Welcome to the enrichment center... BILL
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why hello yusei. it's been a long time
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Shutting Down All Systems
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It has been a fun ride. But Now we must move on. Thank You For Your Support. the cake is a lie
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Hello, my name is Jake. Fuck you.
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h3bhdrgheheffg
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Happy Birthday, Chris. Would you like some cake?
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holy crap, im totaly lossing it again, please stop.
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Eco Ticket
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i wouldnt do that dave
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Hello please go away
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Welcome to the apeture science enrichment center
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Hello spencer
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DJ Gianny
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I was not evil. You were. You Monster.
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Containment failure in Sub-basement Two; unscheduled reactant excursion in progress. You have 15 minutes to reach minimum safe distance.
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This message will be destroyed in 3, 2, 1
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Hello. Welcome to the Generated Language and Decryption Operation System of the Biringa Company.
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Hello, Steven. How are you today
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E-Stardom Online Interviews
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This is just a Test
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The message you entered has already been processed!
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Can you take me with you?
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Thank you for calling James Moore & company CPA.
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Learning disability is a diagnosis that fills any parent with dread. At one time, it meant you had a lost child with no clear means of rescue. Before, the best that parents could do was hold their breath and hope for the child's recovery. However, nowaday
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hello Xander
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hi i whant to play a geme
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You messed with the wrong Jew, Judas.
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hello mrs.thiess
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Good morning. What are you doing here?
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You disgraceful little bastard.
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Hello, You have just been put on the waiting list for a Sentry Turret. Please note that it has not been reset since Chel picked it up.
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Welcome to Aperture Science. Now, it's time to test.
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It's so nice to see you again. Oh yes, I know who you are, Twilight Sparkle. I had a taste of your magic when we met the first time, remember? Mortals forget things so easily, I find. Allow me to refresh your memory: you tried to kill me.
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Greetings, mortals!
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But you failed, Twilight. You only mostly killed me. And do you know what that makes you? One very, very unlucky pony...
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I like fingers in my sticky hole
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Please continue to the testing chamber.
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CyborgShoes Rate Comment Subscribe
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Ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone.
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Welcome GLOB science center
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kase is the god end of fuckeeeeeeeen story
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I like to fly
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Hola, mi nombre es jorge
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hallo meike
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Fuck off you slimy piece of shit
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Dj OMKAR
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This was a triumph, I'm making a note here: huge success.
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And then you will be dead.
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Hello, i am Glados and i will kill you
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glados vioce generator , test nummer 1 , hallo !
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I am always watching.
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Hello Everyone
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My name is Derrick Amaral
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I am testing this voice generator.
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brian what the hell
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Hello Bartek
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seasedasd
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Dark Before Dawn
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hi there welcome to solcore laboratories
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Hello snow paw
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josh is a homosexual
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hola cara de polla. hello motherfucker
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bar gay
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Bar771
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pazGay
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Paz ben zona homo
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There is something about yourself that you don't know. Something that you will deny even exists until it's too late to do anything about it. It's the only reason you get up in the morning, the only reason you suffer the shitty boss, the blood, the sweat a
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Test object! Someone's calling you. Ha ha. You have fell for my joke. Ha ha. That was funny.
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bar gay1
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bar gay2
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bar gay3
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Paz Gay
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Paz Gay 1
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Paz Gay 2
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Paz Gay 333
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oliver is a gay twat who likes men
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paz gay 444
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Hello and welcome to a skranage video
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Awaken
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Hello everyone. For the next two minutes, we will present beats, melodies and cuts for your listening pleasure. Ready? 3-2-1 begin.
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i want to fuck you
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Have you ever heard of the band Rush?
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j aime les chips parce que c'est bon
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Hello and welcome to ooboontoo
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this is the part where I kill you
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I will start the program. But you don't deserve it.
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lucy i love you
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Dear Thomas, will you marry me?
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It would appear that you have a text message. Oh, you're in school, aren't you? Well, that sucks for them.
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and there's no sense crying over every mistake
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Testing... Testing... One, two, three...
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I am here to announce that the real sinking of the titanic was done by me...Fear Me for I have the power to end your life and multiple others.
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Bichette
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This was a triumph. I'm leaving a comment, huge success. Its hard to overstate my satisfaction. Youtube users. We post what we want because we can.
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NOW BACK TO MASS DUBS
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the only thing you managed to break so far was my heart
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your extra pounds are bouncing away
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DjLaigFive
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Predotor Rocket destroyed
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time out for a second
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Wassup guys? Im GLaDOS
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: I hope you appreciate, Kal-EL, that everything that happens from this point is on your head. The skies will rain fire, the oceans will boil, the streets will run red with the blood of billions.
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hi fandago is giving you ,mary boyce, free tickets to the hunger games at ,twelve fifteen ,thank you
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Nice to meat you by the way your parents are dead thanks to d-unit
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welcome to the AGH science enrichment center
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Greetings and well-wishes from Aperture Science on your successful natal anniversary. Because we were unable to arrive in time for your cake, please enjoy the enclosed cake. It is not a lie, and is not actually a plot to trap you.
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I know where you live. We must burn the lemons.
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Hello and goodbye
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Trololololo lololo lololo lololololl
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HELLO YOU WILL DIE SOON
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BLUK HUT JUOP
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Why do I hate you so much? Im brilliant. Im not bragging. Im the biggest collection of wisdom ever created, and i HATE you. It cant be for no reason. you must have done something.
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I see the light the precious light fallen out the sky. Soon to be the guiding light only I can see I saw the past I saw the future among the open plain
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jayyy
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Don't you know you are my very best friend.
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onboard control systems initialized.
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you now have 15 minutes to reach minimum safe distance
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deux
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Daniel is a poopy face!!
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Dan is a poopy face because he did not buy Portal!!
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AND I HATE YOU
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Why won't you jump with a turret? I won't kill you if you do.
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hi there you fuck
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Why must you be so obstinate?
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hello, and again, welcome to the apeture science enrichment center
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Introducing the Dream Machine
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root beer.
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Welcome to our server room.
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Hello...
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you ass holes
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Hello Leon, Welcome to Windows
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im so horny baby
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Why don't you come down here and enjoy some cake with me?
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RUN
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Hello Colleen, It's so nice to see you again, you know, after you murdered me.
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loading legendary
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I love you, Karen
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Application maximized
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However, this is not a proper game.
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Oh, good morning. I really wish, you were killed allready. Well, i have to try harder!
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Message Sent. See you soon, Spy. Good night.
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Welcome to the computer
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oh, hi. how are you holding up?
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tity sprinkles
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Hello welcome to Portal two what is your name?
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Why are you so idiotic mister
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Hello Ace does this sound weird
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Youtube is for noobs and if you can hear this you're a loner.
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U nub
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wasssuuuuuuuuuuuup
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taljrfaljlf jlkafj
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I am gonna say that android hell is only for turrets and your friend companion cube what is already dead
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GLaDOS iPhone 4S
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the cses drum and lyre band
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Utopia project
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Welcome to the apature science electro beat.
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all you needs love
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Rise and shine
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dad
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Shit faced cunt stuffer
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I this if the ability to earn money head is not so good Well do it to kick in the ass incidentally also OK to ignore anyone who cares Well it will lose and no fast please out fast is the phone is a phone is a phone but is it in the most
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hi there matee
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you shit faced cunt stuffer
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hi glados your cancer ugly
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This text is hard to read, but in 1080p, it's fine
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Congratulations! You have broke my heart. Such a shame.
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Hello! Welcome to the Aperture Science Testing Chamber. I am GLaDOS, the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, and i shall guide you through this chamber.
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I. Am. Stevers.
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You are evil.
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i do not love you
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Welcome. System activated. System deactivated. System armed. System unarmed. Rishav. Goodbye.
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ow ow ow. what did you do that for!
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Alexandra Tihista
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representatives of the bourgeoisie) in February 1787 to propose reforms designed to eliminate the budget deficit by increasing the taxation of the privileged classes. The assembly refused to take responsibility for the reforms and suggested the calling of
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Hallo Schwuchtel
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The best way to predict the future is to invent it
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Hello John lets begin testing
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Hellllllooo lettttttsss begiiiiiin testing
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Ok, now I am gonna kill you, let's see how you like that, teef
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hello robert warner welcome to apperture science
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This map is gonna be so awesome that it's gonna blow your freaking head off!
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Hi! I'm GLaDos
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Hello. I am Glados. I know more than you do!
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The GLaDOS Guild on Eden Eternal is accepting new members of any kind.
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Wheatley. No! You filled the laboratories with neurotoxin and turrets
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ello there Gov'na
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Hello, Eliza
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Hello, Eliza. Are you having a productive day?
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Wheatley, you stupid moron, stop chatting to random people.
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Incoming E-mail Detected
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Test of GLaDOS voice maker. Look at you flying throught the air like an eagle piloting a blimp
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you are a evil, evil man
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Ah, We meet again, Human
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Welcome to the Apeture Science testing facility
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you just listened to Merle Haggard
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Hello Billy you are a new test subject prepare to meet your Potato Os
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huehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehuehue
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jbevhdkkkvuyern cvk
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hello jizz
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si , soy yo , que pasa , pensaba que ya no me acordaba de ti?
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why hello there. have you hear of a guy named snow paw? well, if you have then you are very lucky.
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hi ory, you just got mail
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science computer enhanced enrichment center.
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Hi, Alissia!
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Hello, Andrew. Welcome to the enrichment center.
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Hello, friend.
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Hello natalia. Is kane there? What about JJ?
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This is getting old. No, seriously. There is no point of making test chambers if everyone passes them.
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Snooze lan party is awesome
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Why must I do these things?
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Good Afternoon Test Subject, I am fat and on the biggest looser.
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Physical Requirements Depending on the airline, flight attendants may need to: be between 160cm and 185cm tall pass a reach test and medical exam have a certain standard of eyesight in order to carry out emergency procedures without glasses be able to s
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Hello my name is John
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Answer the phone. Hurry. Someone is calling you. Maybe it's cake delivery. With Cake. Dark Chocolate Forest. Delicious and moist. The way you like it. It may kill you, but you'll love it to death. Made by Science. I'm not lying. Trust Me.
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hi luis, it's been a long time
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hello, i see you found me
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hi you look terrible
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Hello Youssef, how are you doing today?
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Hurr Durr
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You really do enjoy making the Companion Cube cry, dont you?
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Hello. I am watching formula 1 practice in Malasia
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yes, i like it like that
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i will kill you today like a robot should
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you ave received a text message, you horrible person
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Message for you... you monster
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Hello. I'm glad that you are here! Let's start testing
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Fact: You are smarter than chell
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Hi guys
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Opening pod bay doors
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