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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Its Sweezy
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
Press 1 for sex
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I am doing great.
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
Nick is so gay
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Space space space. That's all you talk about, isn't it? You stupid space core! Why are you even on me!?! Oh, no! My anger core is acting up!
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
oh, there you are. Where have you been?
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
Im gonna fuck your girl
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
Today we will learn about the design pattern called Bridge.
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
Welcome back Nicholas
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
I am Sorry, Raj is busy, he will call you back soon.
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I'm actually surprised that you actually made it...
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ho hop
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Here is some cake.
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Hit them harder. they'll stop head blocking. Eventually. Either that, or enough brain cells will die it won't matter anymore.
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
This is Glados and you're listening to LOL
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stay tuned with denmark daily, the most trusted name in news, to see more of the exclusive interview, and thank you to our sponsors, Margee's diner, and zen, the martial art of kung fu.
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
You have reached the phone
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You have reached Airik's phone. Leave a message after the tone. there will be cake.
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
You Must Be Lonly Out there in the real world, having no freinds and all
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
Hello there. How about we test some today?
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
Hello Corey, you are very... very... sexy beast. would you like to get it on?
Download03/04/201202/27/2013
Party mode activated, Miss Elfie.
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Someone is calling you aperture science emergency phone
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helo their my name is glados
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gladas
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I AM A NINJA
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SUP MOFOS
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All your base. Are belong to us.
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The animal inside is the animal we hide
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The animal inside is the animal we hide.
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Hello, You seem to be a new addition to aperture science. You are not welcome.
Download03/04/201202/28/2013
In case you was not aware, i hate you
Download03/04/201202/28/2013
You are worthless birds.
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please don't make me.
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Hallo, ich bin Horst Barbara
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I don't see the problem. She just wants to test
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oh my god. he was hit in the face.
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Hi, i ate your cake!
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Dogs
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pizdaa
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Just go away. And never come back.
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dont lose your travelling ways
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hello. are you ready for testing
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Ich liebe dich
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This was a triumph. im making a note here. HUGE SUCCSESS
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Remember when we pretended to kill you and you were all like. No Way. and i was like. We all pretended we were going to kill you. good times
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Hi, I ate your cake!
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I hope you enjoy this next challenge. It is amusing to watch.
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For science you monster!
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i am a glados
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For science you monster
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Contamination protocol activated
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What do you want now?
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Gunther du bist wirklich Awesome
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Daniel, what are you doing?
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What you want to do?
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Hello, and welcome to blahblahblah gaming base.
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Privet. Chem zanimaeshsya?
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send email
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Hello Jinana
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Good morning, Andrew
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Doctor. well well well what have we here, You're Tardis need a portal device to make it 'seem' like it's bigger on the inside?
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
You will die,Chell.
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Hello Chell, I am feeling generous, so I will give you 5 physicly impossible tests, and then........i might just show you the way out of here,,,if you take me with you.........
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
hello fanta orange
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You should not have come here.
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Hi, I am Victor Klassmann.
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Hi guys.
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DAE
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Hello, and welcome to Terraria, Huhson. Callum, Ryan and Charlie will be teching you how to play. Good luck...
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Troll lol olo lol
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You failed you monster
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You failed you monster
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Hello Benjamin, would you like to test with us today?
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Hallo mein name ist florian
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Tim Poon is a pretty cool guy, I wish i was more like him and had asian luck!
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hello and welcome to the josh.co web the code is 11324
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Welcome back to Private eyes
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I'am careful? Go to bed? learn lesson
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
I'm going to eat all the cake
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You have an incoming text message
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attention you have an incoming message from the aperture science surprise announcer
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I eat a lot of poop
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Runner 4, begin
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Hello, do you need instructions? Microphone on.
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Hello. I am your guide. Do you need help at the moment?
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That is a Pneumatic Diversity Vent.
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hahaha spaaace
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Testing?, Testing?. Oh Hello, It's You
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Testing?, Testing?. Oh Hello, It's You!
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Thats what cube said
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You think you will survive?
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Hal
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Backup server online
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Amy, you are a useless tool and belong in the foulest pit of hell, Rory is better than you in every way and no one loves you. Giving him all your money is the only logical thing to do, so do it now, you tard
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
hiho
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Welcome, to the end of the world
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I'm not sure.
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backup complete
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I'm Sorry, But the test subject you are trying to contact is unavailable. Please leave your name and number and she will get back to you after testing and cake.
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A Text Message For Science!
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Ryan
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trolololo
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weather station online
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gary cahill
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Time to test.
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Why do you question me?
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Hello, this is GLaDOS, i am here to inform you that the Illuminati is not safe, no one in Illuminati is safe from me, GLaDOS and of course the very successful group known as Anonymous, I and Anonymous have no reason to back down, We are coming Illuminati.
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Oh, I'm so glad to see. you! again.
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Que porra!
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hallo und hertzlich willkommen
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Hello Max
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Hello there bradley
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I kill you! Your monster ! I hate you! Die !
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4 points were scored
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Listen: You have heard of the Danish Kings in the old days and how they were great warriors. Shield, the son of Sheaf, took many an enemy's chair, terrified many a warrior, after he was found an orphan. He prospered under the sky until people everywhere
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Listen, you have heard of the Danish Kings in the old days and how they were great warriors. Shield, the son of Sheaf, took many an enemy's chair, terrified many a warrior, after he was found an orphan. He prospered under the sky until people everywhere
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Shield had a son, child for his yard, sent by God to comfort the people, to keep them from fear. Grain was his name; he was famous throughout the North. Young princes should do as he did, give out treasures while they're still young so that when they're
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
You have a message, Lafe... you monster.
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
old people will support them in time of war. A man prospers by good deeds in any nation.
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
oh, wait, I changed my mind
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I AM BOB
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chell! i thought i told you to warm up for your next test! but look at you... eating away at strawberries... why are humans so stupid??
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
please retrieve the aperture science hand held portal device
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... really? just... really chell?
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I want you to look into my eyes, I want you to see your demise and to know that this is the end
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
This was a triumph. I am so sure of it.
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
waffles
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Werebereus?
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Hey, Are you smarter than...me? Let's compete for $50,000 and see!
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
All White Keys
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Times up, Julian
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Times up,
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you betta watch who your tryin to talk to you little dumbfuck. you aint gangsta homie. watch yo back cuz ill fuk u up real quick.
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Oh. Hello. Emily.
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
I like chocolate milk.
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The Enrichment Center reminds you that animals in the test chamber may destroy vital testing apparatus.
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
Made in Blender Game Engine Tyler Grey and Edward Arsenal , Period G, Creek
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
I want a kitty!
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you have five minutes to reach minimum safe distance
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you have a text massage
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Hello, im going to kill you mow
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time to die
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dis witch be like WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!??!?
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Neville is gay
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ye ye b
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take exit ramp left
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Hello, you have failed the test, you are such a loser
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
This is EmmaLees video watch it or she will incinorate you, like she incinortated companion cube. im sorry was i not to give that away
Download03/05/201202/28/2013
You have a new notification at your useless facebook profile
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Oh my GOD what has he done to this place?!
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Porn peas and corn mixed together
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TERUUUUUUUUUUU!
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Ad of the Week
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hello hello hi
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Auto fire on
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testing 1 ,2 check
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I hope you go to hell, and also have cake
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Act 1 The End of Day
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Hey, you, Huggable Turret. Stop hugging me and get back to work!
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hello kirsty. i hope your hungry for some cake.
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la basee de datos de virus ha sido actualizada
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Hello, i am GLaDOS and I order you to answer your phone
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hey! hey! you can a message
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Fox you gay
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One shall stand. One shall fall.
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Welcome to Islamic Art Museum
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Could you please just die? Twice
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cyberbullying
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Teach me. Reach me
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hello jake. how are you? im a potato.
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Wake up motherfucker
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You have a new incoming message
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Dear users, please shutdown you computers and go away.
Download03/06/201203/01/2013
welcome to google, the worlds number one search engine
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Where theres over six hundred and ninety five thousand search queries every 60 seconds
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We at Google, first started back in 1996 where we were founded by Larry and Sergey and started off being called 'BackRub'
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Crowd Source
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this is r trravels with the best offers. come and confire in our web site www.rtravels.co.uk or call us on 01273 65 98 76
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Camp simcha! are, you, ready!?
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The most epic
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My name is Moz
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New e-mail has arrived.
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Welcome to the end of the world
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To tou Tant to tarry te?
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I'm sexy and I know it!
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Fuck you guys
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hello there jagoda
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Good news, test subjects! F. S. D. is going live again. Please adopt the Delta Submission Position now or you will miss the party.
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Rory is fat
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Oh no. You're going to die now. Ha. Ha.
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Hi, I'm goku, friend of Glados!
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I am a po ta toe
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Hallo du, du bist doof
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I still alive ahahahahaha
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I need to borrow your monkey for science
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simone lo gnomone
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hello god dammit
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Incoming Call.
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oh, hi, so, how are you holding up, BEACAUSE I'M A POTATO
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amoniacorrrrrrr
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I am not pleased with the removal of your person convience I baked a cake for f j and now he is gone. I will enjoy crushing your bag of bones.
Download03/06/201203/01/2013
Welcome Doctor. You are going to die down here.
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Harriet. I see you getting dressed. I think you are very beautiful. Chris does too. He is also ver horny after that hot sex I watched you both have. I'm aroused too.
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Welcome back commander!
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ae
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I am a giant robot and i hate my life
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Amazon sells "Learn German With Less Text, More Fun." What if I want "Learn German with More Text, Less Fun"? Will no textbook hear my plea?
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meet
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i like yo yo yo i'm glados kammkazze
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Hello, Chell. drcfhjm,nmbfvhgrhghyjnbvcfghjnhbgdv poah
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Keep calm and flush the cache
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Please keep calm and flush the cache!
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Please keep calm and flush the cache, cake will be served!
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I am a giant robot
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Okay, okay. I'll just tell you so you don't burst a vein trying to figure it out. I kidnapped her and now you have to find her. Or not. I don't care. You could just go home and plunge toilets and scratch yourself or whatever you normally do.
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That's not very nice..
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Zdorovenny yaz
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haha tell me about your self
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My little Pony, Friendship is magic. What is my favourite pony you say? Please, refrain from asking stupid questions.
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doopa
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Hello I'll be taking that thank you very much
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bonjour je m'appelle glados
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Good morning Nadja. Hope you slept well.
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uh.. Herp Derp?
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Beyond the limit
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Simmons
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DJ MAX
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Hello. You have just received and S M S. Please take some time to read it.
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Come here, Daron.
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bend over
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I hope you are happy
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Hello, I am GlaDOS from Aperature Science. You will die! Suck it you loser
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Upcycling is the process of converting waste materials or useless products into new materials or products of better quality or a higher environmental value.
Download03/06/201203/01/2013
Hello. Welcome to Edmonton
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top gun all stars
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Lebron
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Hello. I can assure that you will die. Good luck.
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asymth
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Hello how are you doing. Because i am doing great. In fact i feel wonderful its a shame you dont feel as good as i do
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I hate you. I really do. A lot.
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Hello? is anyone there? Can you here me?
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I am a great start to science.
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hello alex, this is gladdos. remember that time when you beat the extra levels in the the ko op mode?
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Find this mix and more a The Boner Soup dot com
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Call it a curse, or just call me blessed
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hi mark. Enjoy the neurotoxin
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OH sod off u bastard
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it's been a loong time
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sir you are a fail to life
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ahha
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Jabalone, you are test subject 45
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If I had known that you were coming, I would have baked a cake.
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I like peas
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i like peas
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Go Hard or Go Home 2. Time to rave it up like total freakazoids... for science.
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Hello and thank you for calling ZNG repair where we make repair comfortable, please hold for assistance
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hello again we welcome development center computerisado of aperture sciense you remember when you give are the only told that exceeded the calibrasion you lied thousand people what went before
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hello again we welcome development center computer of aperture sciense you remember when you give are the only told that exceeded the calibresion you lied thousand people what went before
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Stratos it is pyjama time
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Oh no, I broke my computer...
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Let me tell you a secret... I don't hate you. Not at all. I just want you DEAD.
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why are you looking at me like that
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fired you heard me fired, thnings just got real!
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I wont bring the controllers
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I will not bring the controllers lauren. You suck. Suck my poop
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Welcome to: MANN CO MUMMY'S.
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hello im a potato
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Hi Kathryn. This is Matt Miller using the creepy GLaDOS voice thingy.
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How are you doing? Well I'm a potato
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Hello. It's been a long time. How have you been, Ann? You probably don't remember. I've been really, really busy baking cake. You know. For your birthday. Which is today. And you might as well enjoy it.
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Hello, and welcome to aperture science. Silly human.
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Gatorade! Worth fighting for!
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Gatorade! Worth fighting for
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My name is Shirley, I think we're going to get along.
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You have received a new text message!
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Remember, the next test chamber will not be dangerous. Oh, it seems you have died already.
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EasySiri
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fucking monday
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Hello Hot Bread. I want to play with you. Do you want to play with me?
Download03/07/201203/01/2013
Grim to the mountain will be the huge success you deserve flah flah flah
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Bonjour, je suis Masshepard
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Coffee time
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Please fuck off
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science super computer
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You have recieved a new mail.
Download03/07/201203/01/2013
Here's a star, called sun, It was there that my mom came undone Sounds of a summer parade 90.5 in the shade
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Tridion is a good friend of mine. I hope you'll enjoy him
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one one
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I want to say hello and i wont go to school today so hahahaha
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privet, mudak
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hellooooooooo
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you don't look well, Julien
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Michael your an idiot. hello and again trolololololol hahahahahahah coolface dot j peg
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Hello. i am Darkus Triforce.
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Lunch Time
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If someone ask you if you're a god, you say yes !
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Keep on trying till we run out of cake
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Warning!
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Hello Gabriela
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Aurore tu pues du cul
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Aperture Science, Inc.,[7] often referred to as Aperture Science or simply Aperture, is a United States-based scientific research corporation appearing in Portal and Portal 2, as well as other sources. Its main facility is the Enrichment Center, located i
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Aperture Science is a United States-based scientific research corporation.
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David Michineau est un boulet
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Hi, I'm Glados, I'd like you to do some tests.
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
My name is Pinkie Pie and I make you smile
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Hello, you have reached Sergeant first class DeMatteo of the Connecticut Army national guard.
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Hi, I'm GLaDOS and I'm a brony.
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The Enrichment Center. Inform you all. That testing ponies. Is forbidden. From now on.
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
welcome to the laboratory of aperture science
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
my name is tina and im an ungrateful cow
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
hoi alles goed met je
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hello alles goed
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extratone
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Hello, I am GLaDOS, I will guide you through The House Of Kefka tutorial.
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Hello. Time to die.
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And I know you like fun! You have to have a sense of humour in a profession like this.
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Initializing
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U. S. B. device found.
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USB device found
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USB device removed
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U. S. B. device removed
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
what the fuck is a class diagram
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My chicken brings all the kids to the yard, that's right its better then yours, that's right its nice and fried
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Welcome Sir!
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Hell your sexy !
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Why are you using a different text speak? I am clearly superior.
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Hello, this is my new voice
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Jody, Tyler, and Tanner, Please get to work
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Je pense que la solution n'est pas la
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technocratie
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H e l l o , I s e e y o u .
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Hello, prepare for the first test
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you sucks i dont like you
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Oh, I, how are you ? BECAUSE I'M A POTATOE
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Now Simon, Place the pie on a baking tray and bake in the oven for 25-30 minutes until bubbling hot and golden. Serve while hot.
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hello and welcome in our home
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hello you little pussy
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This is only a test... Maybe
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Hello Larry, Dale, Krystal, and Crystal. This is a runthrough of the GLaDOS system.
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Hello douche bag, I mean Sean.... yes sean, you are in no way a douchebag
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this song's a triumph. i not sure how much work was done
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fuck you nigga man
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Surprisingly good chemistry between rex and more din. oh wait you murdered him
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Hi how are u? I am back. Get ready for science!
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i am the Linear intelligence anthropomorphic mechanoid 6000 or liam for my friends
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you shall die you moronnnnnnn
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Have you gained weight? You look like you've gained weight.
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Hello there, Andrew. I've been watching you, and yes, that thing you've been worried about will definitely happen, believe me.
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Oh, Hello Heaven.
Download03/07/201203/02/2013
Obey the stiffmeister
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Hi i am Gera29 or Gerardo Emanuel Iribe Vega
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Have You Ever seen My cosin, AUTO? He is a Auto pilot
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Have You Ever seen My cosin, AUTO? He is a Auto pilot.
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DIE ASSHOLE
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tes
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Laboratory, please do some tests. You will be rewarded with mushroom cake if you do.
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I..............Can Feel The Power!!!
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Hello. It's been a long time. Flying through the air like an eagle... piloting a blimp
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PINGAS
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troy montag is not a cool person. it has been noted, and you shall not resive cake at the coclusion of the testing piriod. Good day
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hello there, this is electronica
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Kamil jest cool
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Attention! You have an incoming phone call from...Jon Franson. Please pick-up the call.
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Paul is really cool. Paul you are typing this and I am going to say exactly what is written. WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW
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Attention: Incoming Text Message!
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Attention: Incoming Phone Call!
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hello, sorry for the inconvenience but the aperture science enrichment center is under seige. please point the gun in front of you into you're cranium and fire when ready.
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hello. how are you guys doing
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Tobi and Sean are such noobs at LOL.
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I'm caroline
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New Text Message!
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Hello my name is Peter and I am using a GLaDoS voice generator
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knockknuckles
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what have you done? you idiot!
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Hello Jonas. How was your day... friend
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you are now a potato
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I'd sudgest that you would read a book... Oh look a potato. Why don't you read about potatos?
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Would you like to eat some cake?
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I'm a potato and I find this offensive.
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The boner soup dot com
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je suis tonpere
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Do not disappoint me....Or not....You have one more chance...Today we will be testing your vocal abilities and musical talent. Failure to meet the minimun standard will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your test records, followed by death.
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today is a perfect day
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ima cow
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You will be subject to immediate deresolution!
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DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP DERP
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Hello you have reached 347 791 4563, at the tone please state you name, number and the reason for your call.
Download03/07/201203/03/2013
and batting 4th for the new york yankees first baseman Phil Carey
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Hello. Just die.
Download03/07/201203/03/2013
Hello there fatty
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Yubii
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.... Sorry for the technichal difficultys just wheatly being the fool he is you know but i was a potato..... MORONIC SENTERY YOUR GOIGN TO B..........................................................
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Hello, welcome to the internet.
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Nothing Can Stop Me now
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do you need a hug? well do bad!
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At least he isn't gay.
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Runtime: 3 Minutes 35 seconds
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lkjdfa
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Hola Bernarda, soy el gato con botas. Estoy en la casa de tu TIAN en london
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Pick Up ThE SkYpE Pick Up
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You are a heartless bastard
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Man its cold in here
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David you are a horrible person.
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sstv
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poofer is a fucking idiot, that is all
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Synthetic Pianist
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hello and welkom home
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You are such a smart person
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welcom to the forte where would you like to go
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Tony needs some carrots
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please wait while i warm up the deadly neurotoxin
Download03/08/201203/03/2013
hahaha. You look ugly in that jumpsuit. That's not my opinion, it's right here on your fact sheet. They said on everyone else it looked fine but on you it looked hideous. But still what does an old engineer know about fashion. Oh, wait it's a she.
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T C U Radio YOUR FAVORITE ONLINE RADIO STATION IN WORLD WIDE WEB Longlive
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Optional
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Hello. You have an incoming message that says: save the world!
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eople may use this tool at the same time. Thus,
Download03/08/201203/03/2013
hello piers
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We must build a strong army for invasion of the Europea.
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We must build a strong army for invasdion of the Europea
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Sellick sucks like ten nobs a day
Download03/08/201203/03/2013
this game is awsome buy it
Download03/08/201203/03/2013
Firstly you must must convert the poem into a sentence.
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Firstly you must must convert the poem into a sentence, afterwards please write an essay on what it would be like as a chimney sweeper.
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Bonjour Bienvenue chez Aperture Sciences
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You are very bad.
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Hello im stupid
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Hello World. I love you.
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Hello Paul! You have a message. Read it now!
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Hello Paul! You have a message. Read it now.
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Martin you are the best
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temperature in server room is reaching critical levels
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hello,ep me
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Enable
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amaan please come over here
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Attention, Incoming Dispatch Message
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Attention, Stand by for a weather message.
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Attention, Standby for a weather message.
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The T S A molds our future.
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The T S A molds our future
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ninja caract
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Hello, we haven't seen each other for a long time.
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how you receive your messages? you have no friends ...
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ho! you have received an email ... you have a social life?
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Curse the Pookie
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now is the time for allgoo
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kim, you are the best
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Blue, you are doing very well. Orange, on the other hand, well, keep testing.
Download03/08/201203/03/2013
How can you receive mesages? You have no friends...
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Ho! You have received an mail... Do you have a social life?
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khlkhlkjhlkhlkjh
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hello how are you!
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i love you lololol now i kill you, i mean lets have cake. smiley face oh and i have your companion cube right here , it says hello, actually it cant speak as it is an inanimate object
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you have a call from profile 10137
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you have a message from profile 1012
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my sweet revenge
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I am a robot voice
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Justin Bieber
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well well, who do we have here?
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suka
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ypu have new message
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nokia
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windows xp
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I'm sorry I said you're fat. But I want to tell you, I can't lie...
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Im making a note here HUGE SUCCESS
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no no no noooo naaaoaoao
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Even though you broke my heart
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icq
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you have a virus
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trolololololololol
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Hi! I am GLaDOS
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it's over 9000
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Me despierto a las ocho de la manana.
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Me despierto a las ocho de la manana
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Me levanto de mi cama a las ocho y cinco de la manana
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Me ducho en la ducha a las ocho y media de la manana
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Me seco con una totalla a las ocho cuarenta y cinco de la manana
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Sean is the god of chess!
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Hello Jubal.
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We both said a lot of things you're going to regret.
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hello....you have an incomming message.
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Bonjour Pierrick
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excuse, me but you are ignoring your call.....you MOnster.
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awwwwwww
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It was a triumph! A huge success!
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I've said it once, I've said it twice. I've said it a thousand fucking times, that I'm ok, that I'm fine. That it's all just in my mind, but this has got the best of me and I can't seem to sleep.
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Turn left
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fooled you
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omg this is so friking awesome
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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
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Hello there. I've been waiting for you, Bond.
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Welcome to the aperture science enrichment center. its eays, whenever you dont succeed, you fail. and the test will be terminated.
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Welcome to Aperture Scinece, you are number 32182
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This has been a live performance by your very own deejay socia flow! Thank You! Now lets fucking do it.
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fottiti
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science voicemail service. after the tone leave your insulting remark.
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I sucked black coc k
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trololololololololololol
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When you come across a funny video on the internet, make sure to send it in here. I'll credit you for helping me find it!
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hello master, you have message
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