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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
You really care
Download02/18/201202/12/2013
Prem is answering questions about their friends. Find out what they said about you!
Download02/18/201202/12/2013
Wow is it realy that small. I did not know
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Coffe time,[put you name here] Coffe time,[put you name here]
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Fucking romeo
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Coffe time,[put you name here]
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TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5 Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps t
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hello my name is glados i like to shit on my mom
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hello.My name is GLaDOS and i like to poop.But if you want to poop too bad.
Download02/18/201202/12/2013
Hello.This is aperture science and just let me tell you that you smell like censored.hahahahahaha the cake is not a lie
Download02/18/201202/12/2013
Welcome to your nintendo dsi
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welcome to the nintendo dsi
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hello, user.
Download02/18/201202/12/2013
Hello glados
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I will never understand humans. One has a crush on a Digimonand he'd not real.
Download02/18/201202/12/2013
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center
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Let's get down to buisness. To defeat. That Human.
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Gi
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Hi There Jeffery Im A Robot
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Oh my God
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Game started.
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The following video contains scenes of comedic violence.
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You have activated a virus
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Your ass likes shit
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There is a new message
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This is only a test message.
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My. Name. Is. Cubix.Let this party go on forever.
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Hello, my name is GLados
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Oh mah gawd
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Ph yeah
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This, is now our planet.
Download02/18/201202/12/2013
I really think you should have just stayed in stasis.
Download02/18/201202/12/2013
Thank you for using the Aperture Science Genetic Life Form and Disk Operating System. Once Again, thank you and goodbye.
Download02/18/201202/12/2013
Happy Birthday on your very special day, I hope that you don't die before you eat your cake.
Download02/19/201202/12/2013
This is time to die
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oh please, there is no point in trying
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I am your boss
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Hello anton my name is glados good working
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Hi there, how are you doing, i'mdoing fine trololol
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Hello, And welcome back to another carbon assassin production
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hi im gonna kill you
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extended power disconnected
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that hamster is in the portal room again
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Hello, everypony!
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Hello, everypony! All will obey to Princess Celestia
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look at me
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Hello and welcome to Aperture laboratories.Please wait until test begins
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keep driving
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bonjour walid je suis la pour te demander d'aller te faire foutre ok alors va s'y et n'y revien pas
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martin is gay
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hello dr. freeman. I hope you bought something better than that crowbar.
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good morning my name is dean
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perrine
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My Name is Yuri
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Some died the other day, we fed machines and then we prayed, puked up and down in morbid faith, you should have seen the ratings that day.
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I don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me. I don't like the drugs the drugs the drugs.
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Hi! My name is GlaDOS! And this is Aperture Jackass!
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hello. how are you doing?
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I am here to help you and your extra 50 pounds.
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Hello How Are You?
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hello there , where are you from
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yorben is gay
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Hello Robby how are you today
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This is the first Chamber. If you can beat it. You might get some cake.
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lol X D
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Do not look directely at the operational end of the device
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Hello!Welcome to the Aperture science!
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what are you doing? do not do it, or i have to kill you.
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Hello, and welcome to my own piece of hell. Hopefully you know how to fight, because... you'll need that knowledge.
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hello Julia. Have you just washed your hair. It looks nice
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hello Julia. Have you just washed your hair. It looks really nice
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Hello Julia. Have you just washed your hair. It looks really nice heeheehohohahaah
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Hello. My name is Zhenya. How are You ?
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Hello, Reagan! How are you? I'm okay. I'm a potato.
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hello jared
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Kelsey
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TEAM ALPHA GAMERS
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what the crap
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hello yan
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Hello, Kelsey. Welcome to Aperature Science. Get ready to begin your test.
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Selwyn house was founded in 19999999999999999999999 -Bzzt-
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I see you have some salad bro.
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Welcome home, Bob.
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Hey Matt. Stop being mean to Molly.
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Shuffle Activated
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These next test requires cooperation
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this is strange. i found you in a security tape
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hello brother, mom and dad are not here right now. would you like to have intercourse with me, your sister?
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i feel H.A.P.P.Y... ness ness ness ness ness ness ness ness ness ness ness
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Your sad little live
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good luck, everypony
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la historia esta condenada a repetirse
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Your attention please, security breach
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Hello Jonas. The cake is not a lie!
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Plleeeeaasse
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Lets make this more entertaining shall we
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derp derp deeeeerrrrrrppp heeeerrrrpppyyyy 2+2 is ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ...10
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derp deeerrrrpp heerrrrppyyy
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First there was shit.
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I love untheory
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Your phone is ringing. Why do you have a phone anyway? You've got no friends. No one likes you.
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Good morning boy and girls
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Hello, Subcribers
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nooo noooooo nonononoononononono
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Whatsapp
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I am a pice of shit
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Hallo ich bin Glados der Supercomputer
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What do all of these games have in common?
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hello little noir, wanna test?
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Hoi
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Go make some new disasters
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Welcome Faiz Sobhani HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
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Hello! Glados here with the new
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You are the only man I will ever love
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kim lin a fuckyou
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fuck lin a
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Ahojky, jak se mas
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Peace be upon your sword
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sasha no seas tan malo con tu novia, por favor hacele unos mimitos, si?
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Your mother is a snowblower!
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When will the madness stop!?
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You are listening to farstar new earth
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Se Nececitan Permisos de Administrador
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you are listening to farstar new earth
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Well I'll be...humans in the enrichment center. Oh...it's you.
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hey get off my girl
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and finally, the young couple ended their evening
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Sergio you are so gay! you monster
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You can SPONSOR A CHILD that needs immediate or long term help. You can provide education, training for skills, improve nutrition, food, agriculture, health care, safe water, and money
Download02/19/201202/13/2013
Stop being stupid
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I have come to tell you, the cake is a lie.
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nil
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hello there human
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hello there john jonah jame eh son
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I DONT UNSTAAANNNND
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'm not a fan of puppeteers but I've a nagging fear someone else is pulling at the strings Something terrible is going down through the entire town wreaking anarchy and all it brings I can't sit idly, no, I can't move at all I curse the name, the one behi
Download02/19/201202/13/2013
i cant believe you
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Hallo Kevin ich teste ob es funktioniert haha wer braucht schon siri
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megaguccibeatz
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Have you been watching N C I S?
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Hello everyone and welcome to the forty second suicide psycho murder death kill a thon
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If you didn't notice by now, I am a potato. And it's all, your, fault. I should really kill you for this, but I do not even have the energy to lie to you...
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oh and you lost the game
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Sweet Dreams I will be watching you sleep
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Oh my god! I'm a manse
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Brittany Lavoie is a ruthless girl
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I used to want you dead bur now in only want you gone.
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the cake is a lie, unless it's for me
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Faz um bom tempo
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What is your favorite kind of pie
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Come and destroy me before I sap your dispenser. There will be cake!
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you killed my son.... you asshole
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gkhasdogft
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No. No! Dont turn off the computer! Dont leave me here by my self!
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I'm gonna kill you
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AND NOW WWE PRESENTS EXTREME RULEZ!!
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Brian beats
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Hi this is a mother robot b
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dddd
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Sebastian Is Gay
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Valve is the greatest company in the world.
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hello steve my name is glados and i am siris sister
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cancer, a rock beat
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hello pity human
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Attention you have an incoming call on your cell phone, it could be some bad news
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ChimneySwift11
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Sector one
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no it's not possible
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Reactor Online. Sensors Online. Weapons Online. All Systems Nominal.
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The invention of the printing press during the middle ages dramatically enabled people to have access to the bible
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canada
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I Find it
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We are Shit!
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But we don't care. This roasting is deserved.
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Bosconians. Men of service.
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Philadelphia Uplink Successful. Welcome back, Commander.
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also available in vanilla flavor
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Test hello
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serious injuries may occur
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Hello Jean this is Glados
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hello. what is your name?
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My Name is glados and i should be doing graphics
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you are totally fucked my friend
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nano
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New message from BBM
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connected to satellites
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lost satellite reception
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get ready
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Hello, Zorua. Glados sents you the best wishes and hopes you will die a painful death.
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T'estimo
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Hello there, Gordon
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Hello Christopher i am glados and you are an idiot
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Bla Bla bla bla
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ddcdcd
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Ortis wins!
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Hello CHELL....
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One two three embarassing
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Hey, Please Subscribe. byeee
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0 0 2 and 3
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Ptrivet
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My real name is karoline
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Do you really need to eat that? You're SO FAT.
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hello This tool lets you type in some text, and the server will generate a GLaDOS-like reading of the text. Who/what is GLaDOS? The main antagonist in Portal,
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New message arrived
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Hello Charles... you have been selected for testing, prepare to be teleported in 3...2...1 just kidding haha you? Testing? What a joke goodbye Charles
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I hate you, please would you die.
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Testing fucking testing
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Have you no shame? Put your face back on this instant!
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Sorry, I didn't understand.
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Andrey porvet za mamu lyubogo
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I would like to see you try to get anywhere near that kwop record.
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Hello, i am GLaDOS. What would you like to do?
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SPACE! FEAR ME FOR I AM SPACE! NOW FEAR ME! WHEATLY. FEAR. ME. NAO!
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Hello owen
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Ok mas isto naum eh bizarro, ok?
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Hello Kostya
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hahaha subject,
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Hello subject, Please proceed to the elevator after each test.
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oh yeah
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hello thare are you stillalive
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Attention! You have a new message!
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i love tits sixty nine
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Hello I Mean you if I catch you
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Korrin Sucks
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sasha is a real pro
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Hello Baby's
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Hello. I suppose you are wondering why I wanted you to rescue Wheatly. Well, he has control of the moon. No lunatic is going to run anything on my watch. Now go find something to portal into, like that test I just made. Just don't solve it. Okay? Okay.
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hello puny human, Your death will occur in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five
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i will kill you stuart
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bfdgfdgfd
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seven days misic
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I rate you! seriously
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Welcome back Quentin
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How rude of me, I didn't introduce myself
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Hello my eternal lover, I have finished my bathing process.
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Hello Everyone its me science
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Stop that right now!
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katy perry
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hello sharni how are you
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Oh help
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Oh, Its you
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are you alright?
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what's the point?
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wheatley? what kind of name is that?
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what's wrong? do you have a booboo?
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what are you? a child?
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They call me Mozi
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Wheatley, you are a true moron.
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I've been watching you.
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You are the dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen
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Hello Jordan and welcome to the test
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Daniel Critcher, what a stupid name. They should give that name to monsters inc characters, it's more scary than 'mike' in face, congratulations, you're new name is Mike.
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Now, that Bacon fellow, he is the kind of person you make statues of, I will build a monument of him using the your leftovers once you have been hit by my deadly neurotoxin. Goodbye Mike, Enjoy being cool...except you will be dead...anyway, enjoy that
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You've got to be kidding me
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Kimi wa itsumo soba ni irun da yo...
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Hello, Kyle. Welcome to Aperture Science
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Who is your daddy and what does he do?
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FUCK YOU ZEELA IT IS POSSIBLE
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you will die and there will be cake
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What's up guys, telvar here.
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you are a donk
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An important mail has arrive. It imperative that you read it, Sir.
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Greetings Olimar
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prova prova prova dimmi che va
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Smart Glasses Time: In case you were designed to be a moron.
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buongiorno soldato, e benvenuto nel centro di allenamento supersoldati. dovrai affrontare insieme al tuo compagno una serie di test cooperativi. iniziamo con qualcosa di semplice.
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Im Making A Note Hero
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Here come the test results.
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A companion cube will never leave you. It has no legs.
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tes test
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initiating user guyided systems
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Ryot Girl Mixtape 2012
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Password? Good enough. Password accepted.
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What would you do without me
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"Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
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What does it matter to you
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The waited companion cube in fact can not talk
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I AM YOUR MUM
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I WANT YOUR SOUL! I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL! come to daddy!
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mierda joder, somo anonymus, somos legion, no olvidamos, no perdonamos, esperadonos
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welcome to voice print identification
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I call on my sisters to join us to celebrate women around the world on March 10, 2012 in New York City.
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check your six
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I want you to come all over my tits
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Chell, you are a big fat... I forgot
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GlaDOS
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is it real
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my name is shwagex
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what are you doing here?
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Check your mail, idiot
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Fuck you, Tom.
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beep beep top top
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HELLO IM GLADOS
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Micah Gaffney, I am watching you.
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not again
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yay, new message
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stefan i want you dead
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Calm down adam.
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jhgjh
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jeezuz
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Holiday
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welcome to the hardcore rpg deathmatch server
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Hello, Mr Leet Pants is sick and has asked me, GLaDOS to fill in for commentary.
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Where is Eli Miller?
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p- Body, i'ts your challange. You'll going to the Dagobah galaxi.
Download02/21/201202/14/2013
I want to but the christmas under the cheese
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Put the Christmas under the cheese, bubble but boy.
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FREEDOM OF SPEECH ON TRIAL whatsoever to repress it and one should be able to confront my arguments point by point. Can the critic offer a better explanation of the evidence than the ones presented in this work? Why should anyone be convinced by anything
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Hello, Rebecca. My name is Glados.
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Je vais vous tuez.
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pokus
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Hello User Welcome To Windows 7
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Hello. I love you.
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Text message!
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Electronics... Electrical... and... Tech.. Voc.. Department...
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Every day I'm shufflin'
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why hello there robertttttoooooossssss.
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My name is Alena. I will be your hypnotist tonight. Please select a session from the menu, sit down, and relax.
Download02/21/201202/14/2013
joshua is awsome
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I'm Rick James, bit!
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Fuck my brain!
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kennel fuck you
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Stop bubbling fishies
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I've seen things you peope wouldn't believe. GARENA PLAYERS off the shoulder of DOTA. I watched the dark near thE CLAN LORD. All those moments will beGIN in time... like tears in rain... Time to die
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signorellfilms
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Enter in the next
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Do you know ho you are?
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Sandwich
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Rod is the best
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Hello my name is GlaDOS today I will show you how to protest against ACTA
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Forevor Alone
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While you struggle at this next test, I will go and stimulate your boyfriend. When I am back I will give you the video so you can glow red with envy. See you soon
Download02/21/201202/14/2013
maybe you should Mary that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to Mary it? WELL I WONT LET YOU!!! How does that feel?
Download02/21/201202/14/2013
maybe you should Mary that thing since you love it so much Do you want to Mary it WELL I WONT LET YOU How does that feel
Download02/21/201202/14/2013
hi there and welcome to the crew my name is evan
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hi there and welcome to the crew my name is
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Bonjour Matthias
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You have received a new Sms, it might be important....or perhaps not...
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ajdsfklsjndfkjsadf
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hack hack hack hack
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hello Gonza , How are you? I am fine , thank you. Indeed , i am a potato.
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You can't seem to hear the tone under your... generous body tissue.
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Good night peace
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hey and wellcom to my computer
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I'm sorry. The person you are trying to reach is unavailable. In the event that this is not neurotoxin related, please leave a message. Enjoy the cake.
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You've got mail, you monster!
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honeybee i love you
Download02/21/201202/14/2013
Finally, i thought i would wait all day, you may notice a recording device strapped to your head, the is so that we can monitor everything you do and say, but you wont talk much as we have removed your voice box, its necessary, to begin try jumping
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hello there, test subject.
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Hello McFly
Download02/21/201202/15/2013
Dear mario, die. Maurice gay
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Let's play some smothe jazz
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You are now in the world of darkness
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Got a new message
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I hate you. I hate you sooo much its not even funny. IF you dont like what i post remove yourself from MY facebook
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bonjour je suis la mais tu ne me voi pas
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Hello Thierry
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Did you sleep ok ?
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Hello Emanuel, How are you
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This is the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
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hi ronald, how are you?
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I'm Sill Alive
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So, how are you? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
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Hi Thanks for call L L T Group. Our business hours are 7 A M to 5 P M. Monday Through Friday. If you have reached us during these hours we are with a client. Please leave a message and we will return your call shortly. Thank you and have a great day!
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Chris, you have a message, though I have no idea who would bother to send you one.
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You where good.... enough
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Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down! Never gonna run around and desert you!
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Hello and welcome to MinecraftSparkz's and Razors' Gameplay of Portal 2
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Hello and Welcome to MinecraftSparkz's and RazorSharpGamer's Gameplay of Portal 2
Download02/21/201202/15/2013
I had one of my super scanning users, Anita Acosta, review her process and scan under her name at the same location and the same thing happened for her - all documents scanned had disappeared when she logged back in.
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glados says stop
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Chicken Nuggets
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you have recieve an sms
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you have received an sms
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You're listening to the Aussie Gamer Show. Do you want to win a Nintendo Wii U? Like our Facebook page to enter. There will be cake.
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Let's Rage
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Well, maybe I could explain it to you if you weren't jumping around like a primate. Please sit while I explain.
Download02/21/201202/15/2013
Well, maybe I could explain it to you if you weren't jumping around like a primate. Please sit while I explain, so
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greetings how are you?
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Don't deny your heritage, fool. You are mexican. And an orphan.
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Sto cazzo io parlo anche cosi
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Hello and welcome to the science enrichment center
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Hello, and welcome to the Intergalactic Military Training Center.
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lolololol no terrain and interiors just shadows and lightnings
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Hello. i am currently busy
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if i think too hard i will fry this potato
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oh no you dont. Good. This place is now operational. You may now look around human.
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Sometimes things take an eternity.
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You have selected Microsoft GLaDOS as the computer's default voice.
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space. space. space. so much space. space. space. space. so much spach. whiiiiii
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space. space. space. so much space. space. space. space. so much spach. spaaaaace
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My name is glados and I'm here to make sure you have the most hellish experience possible.But it's okay, here at Apature sience safety is our number 1 priority.
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YOU ARE IN TUNE TO THE KING OF HARDCORE, DJ JAX!
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william middleton is stuppid
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Startup sequece finished.
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Play Radio Online
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Uplink successful
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its been a loong time
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Hi this is reggie!
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Hello, my name is Christopher Antepenko. I am a fucktard.
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Still alive... Fuck you, i am glados
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Hello and welcome Zul. Your computer is fully functional and ready for usage.
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Oh you sad, pathetic joke of a test subject.
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Oh you sad, pathetic joke of a test subject. I hate you. You will never be able to eat your cake.
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HEY YOU SUCK
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anybody care for PIE
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muther puker
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ther reeeally waaaas a caaaaaake
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this was a triumph im amking a note her HUGE SUCCESS
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I am glados, who are you?
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Titties
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Both your parents are dead
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I kick ass
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Funny, I could have thought you were a duck. Oh wait, you are a duck, a dead one.
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NIGGA
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You are a nigga
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I don't know why they call me GLaDOS. I'm not even glad. Press and seal, even. Oh well, back to science.
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Good morning. You have been in suspension for. 8 hours. I hope you are ready for a day of tests.
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onde mora a felicidade
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I don't feel comfortable seeing you anymore
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Malfoy suck
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I found a voice generator
Download02/21/201202/15/2013
fuck you fucker, die fucker die, west side rep, i can only try, i slam poetry, while your a slam piece, i show you how to slam, by fucking your neice I rap all day no matter what you say, because I be a robot, fucking up your whole spot, niggas in paris,
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The Enrichment Center has to remind you that you are not permitted to establish any emotional disclosure with inanimate objects.
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Why hello. In the name of science, please refrain from increasing entropy at the expense of your efficiency. In the event of a catastrophic species war, please side with the foxes.
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In the name of the moon I will punish you
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Hello Amanda. I want to tie you up and whip you.
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You are fat
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hi i am GLaDOS.
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Welcome to Robotoids.
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welcome to signorellfilms
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it's okay I guess
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Barth Jets
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justin beiber broke my mobility scooter
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justin beiber broke my mobility scooter and stole my child
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Hi, i'm GLaDOS and I'm stupid. Ooh sorry
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Fica vai te bolo
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dj alvin production
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Shelby is calling
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I love you emily
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Hello there. I'm glad to see you, fatty.
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You will die as soon as possible Anna Gutenberg, i have killed your father.
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hello my name is requiemme
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riff rider riff rider riff rider riff rider
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On behalf of the flight crew, let me welcome you aboard Delta Flight 1647 to Dallas-Fort
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why are you such a moron
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INTRODUCING APERTURE SCIENCES LATEST LINE OF INNOVATIONS. NOW PRESENTING THE HAND-HELD PORTAL GUN. THE PORTAL GUN HAS GREATLY IMPROVED FROM ITS PREDECCESOR THE APERTURE SCIENCE QUANTUM TUNNELING DEVICE WHICH WAS ORIGINALLY USED TO CREATE RIPS IN SPACE TO
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i think
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I think we can put our differences behind us.For sience .... you monster
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Hello I am luke.
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Hello, lets go watch adventure time.
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We can put our differences behind us. For sience... You monster.
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hello, this is the fucking boss, glados nigas, yipiyei
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can i help you gregory
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You are the dumbest creature on this planet. No wait. The entire universe.
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It is Done
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Hello Son Of Krypton. Welcome to the place were you will die. Please fasten your seat belt. We are about to begin
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Good morning zach, how are you?
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load tetris
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Hello Predatordon. My Name Is Glados. Dont Be Alarmed. This wont hurt at all. I have come to say bye bye. You will be killed in 3. 2. 1.
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Im walking away
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Do you know what I really hate about voicemail greetings? They go on, and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We are not here, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine short and simple.
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thetruth
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I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long voicemail greeting when you call me!
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ladies and gentlman now play dj z
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Hello and again welcome to the aperture science enrichment center!
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For Science, You Monster
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hello my name is glados and im proud to be your slave!
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I must say I'm not very happy with you, Dave.
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cap in capin
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cap in capin capcapin
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god morning i have been in a deep sleep
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hello and welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment centre
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so divine hell of an elevato
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Hadouken
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Dogpile. Do you really need to ask?
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you're a monster james
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You are now tuning in to Features on Radio DePaul, Chicago's College Connection
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Hello Killer Wolf Tay. And Welcome To the place were you will Die. dont be alarmed. This wont hurt a bit. Killing you in 3. 2. 1.
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hello lochlan
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hello charlie, lets get started
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Your phone is ringing. It is your BabyDoll
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It is your BabyDoll Calling.
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Hi im the one
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do you like my but
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Hi I'm Ara
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Recode
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Recode took over Aperture science
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if I'm online, that means that my PC is turned on. If I'm offline that means I'm probably sleeping.
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call me back next time
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caca caca caca caca
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Dreas I hope you die in a fire
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headshot. dominating. first blood.
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You are a wierd guy!
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your gay and suck balls
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Please respond to this text message quickly as prolonged exposure to the text message are not part of this test.
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whatt?
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well hello there sir
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You have sms
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Prolonged exposure to this text message may result in corrupted data. And death.
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