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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Welcome to aperture science enrichment facility
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Hello, I'm glados, your GOD
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Test chamber will open in three. two. one.
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oh shit, my laptop just died
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Hello boys and girl, we are Upon Execution, we're so glad you could all make it out and see us. We would like to let you know youre about to get royally fucked up. enjoy!
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class is now over
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Presenting the AAIS Grade 6 Students
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I bet that mob has pockets.
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Leven a.m., sleeping in late morning, Barely got up, gotta go downtown, Gotta have my 'net, gotta have psych drugs Trollin' everything, the time is goin'
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testy mc test
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cur aversabilis unus calamitose adeo amplitudo caligo ab caput -itis?
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test test Portal
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portals are red, portals are blue, i'd love to spend my time testing with you
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Portals are red, Portals are blue, I would love to spend my time testing with you.
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The early years. Until the late 1970s, the computer was viewed as a massive machine that was useful to big business and big government but not to the general public. Computers were too cumbersome and expensive
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The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that minor brain damage may occur with extended cryogenic sleep. If you believe you may have brain damage, the Enrichment Center encourages you to fill out an eighty three page form for recompense.
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Hello, Taylor Farley.
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Are you a Jew? Its not that you sound like one, but your nose is huge.
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did you really except that to happen
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now introducing, in flight.
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Yes, well done. The theme was robots. Like me. We are all very, very impressed that you got that. Please take a moment bask in your brilliance.
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Hello, this is me, what are you looking for
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allelujia
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Good evening London, I thought it was time we had a little talk. Are you sitting comfortably?
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Welcome to the fire and ze sud website
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Hello Leonidas. I have taken control of your compue
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missile launch initiated
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Ciao, sono GLaDOS come posso aiutarti? Ah giusto io non aiuto nessuno.
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joe sorry but this aint a song
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why dont you join the communist party usa or is it a joke i think it is a joke constructed by gorden freeman at black mesa
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I would tell your parents, but wait, they don't even care.
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YOU, GOVE TOO LOVE ME!
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kjsdhgbvrwjdfhverg
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Hello Will
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Umrzyj
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get down mother fuckers
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you have reached the voicemail box of Sam Hakimi, please leave a message
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Iain you smell
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Wigger
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Hello dad.
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Hello Greg Wilson, how are you?
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Hello, this is a stupid test,aaaaaaaaaaaaa
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This is not a test, this is arduino
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testa
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Now i'll listen to some rock.
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Now i'll listen to some rock. NOO, why did you tunr of that music!
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hi ivan what do you want from me?
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Hello rebecca
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Hello. I'm GLaDOS and i'm going ti kill you with the deadly neurotoxing. Good bye.
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Warning. You have message... No, I was just kidding. Haa haa
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Bienvenu maitre
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erreur systeme extinction en cour
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You have a Voice message. Someone must actually like you.
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Welocome to I T class
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So many questions to ask . But lets kill each other.
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Out Now
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no more gun!
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Prepare yourselves, Sakura is in the building
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wwwwwwww
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oh helo piplup i have great news im going to kill you by zuba's hell's distrcto dics and no cake for you
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Now i'm going to listen to some music. Nooo, why did you turn the music of!
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. Nooo, why did you turn the music of!
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Oh, Hi, so how are you holding up, because I'm a potato
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I will say your name, mute girl, Chell
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I am definitely not one per cent.
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hi what the fuck are you doing here
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hello my beetle friend
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please make me a sandwich. Then resume testing.
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Push me, and then just touch me, until i get my, satisfaction
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Pick your phone up or you will meat your old friend. The deadly neurotoxing. Hello? Pick the phone up. Hello? Whatever.
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First we will have cake, then you will die!
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Hola Alba, voy a matarte
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THIS ONES A SLAMMA
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Hello And Again Welcome To The Aperture Science Computer Aided Backup Science Center
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i see you have found the weighted companion cube. please forcibly insert a long thick piece of meat into the hole on the lower middle side
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Wellcome to NAOS system interface
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I am sorry. I could not understand the message.
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hello there simpletons
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My circuits are telling me your weight variance is over 0.8
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Hello i am a big fish come to test
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welcome there victor, you're probably wondering where you are, i'll tell you where you might be, you might be in the room where you die
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Shall I kill something for you master?
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At your command master. Indeed I am most eager to engage in some unadulterated violence and bloodshed of your organic species.
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Helo and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Relaxation Vault.
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Happy birthday to you happy birthday
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My shoes hurt
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Hello Michael,
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Gfhfljrc^ xbckj uttd ,scnhj hfcntn? [jnz cfvb jyb yt hfpvyj;f.ncz/
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I way 125 pounds.
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Hello Gamer Guy
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In this next test, if you drop me into the water, you will get a bad score... followed by death
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Oh. I see. You came back, even though I told you otherwise. You mute lunatic, you never cease to surprise me. Ha ha.
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Attention. Your GLaDOS voice message is now complete.
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Hello, My Name is Master, and you are labrat labrat number 3142 to be precise. You will do my tests without question. Good Lets Go!
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My little pony, my little pony...
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THIS...IS...SPARTA!!!!
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Bananas
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Well i wasn't expecting that
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Well...I wasn't expecting that
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WELL...I wasn't expecting that
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I Hate you so much. . . Oh joy.
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None shall pass
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ATENTION USER you got a mail you must answer the cellphone as fast as you can or i didn't give you cake
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Hello Douchebag
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Please enter the test chamber in 5 4 3 2 1
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WHat are you doing!!! You moron you just blew up my house!!!
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let's do this mother fucker
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hello Sagan i have hacked your computer yes you may have killed me but i am back
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Sagan, i have hacked your Iphone yes you may panic
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if it's any consolation, which it shouldn't be because if it were you'd be a terrible person for reveling in my misfortune, i'm probably within the last 10 of my class
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Friday, March 16th
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Skynet online
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i wanna be the guy
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gfdf
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Alex is the best portal tester ever
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Hello I am very cool
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hello necroman thirteen please be noted you are now undergoing testing
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Doom, Doom 2, Final Doom Plutonia Experiment, Final Doom TNT Evilution.
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oijjj
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Guten Tag meine Damen und Herren
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Hello im wommper1
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Like this?
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Royal Military
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Royal Military-Fatal Wolf
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-Royal Military-
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Lewis can you give me some tnt?
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Sacrifice, Immolate, Duty,
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Hello Cody
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You smile like it's a crime. And you cry all the time. But why don't you just get over it. And MAKE A PRETTY RHYME!
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English motherfucker, DO YOU SPEAK IT?
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Hello Guys. Have a good day
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LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
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welcome to the end
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Fuck you, Niko Bellic
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you're such a noob
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I'm GLaDOS, and i'm a best computer, you are Niko Bellic?
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Hello, how would you like some cake?
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The things I have seen done to my friends are gross and otherwise inhumane
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lets start test one
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welcome testsubject nuber 369. lets start the first test
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wellcome to NAOS system interface
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time to kick ass
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hello I am GLADOS
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Hello, this is a test. How are you doing?
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Willpower gaming
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Hello, go to hell Chell
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goodbye michael
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This is a triumph. I'm making a note here: huge success.
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Oh goodie, a new whatsapp message
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Hey park there is a phone for you.Answer it.
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Oh dear, more whatsapp messages
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Select Spinner. George. Lucky. GO!
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salve alberto, ben tornato
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Hello Regen... Shall we start testing?
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You will never find a waifu and be alone forever. The truth hurts doesn't it?
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Sorry, the lift is out of order
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Well, lookie what we got here, brother of mine, it's the same in every town Ponies with thirsty throats, dry tongues, and not a drop of cider to be found Maybe they're not aware that there's really no need for this teary despair
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Watch Out Mine craft
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Finally! You got here just in time to see the creation of my galaxy in the center of the universe! WATCH AND WEEP!
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How about some lovely cake
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Hi. I'm Norman. I want to kill you!
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Hi! My darling Anna! Where have you been for so long? I missed you!
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watch out mine craft
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Hello, stupid test subject. You will die in 3.. 2.. 1..
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Oh, hi. So, how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato!
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hello, i am glados. The cake is a lie
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Hello... I am Glados... enter now or the disk will self distruct...
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This is your mandatory 7:15 wake up call. This is your mandatory 7:15 wake up call. Sorry if we made you jump. If you have a history of heart problems then you can take comfort in the knowledge that it won't last much longer.
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I Like trains
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Daily testing routine complete. Daily testing routine complete. Please place notes on the day's testing into the supply letterbox in the back room within the next two hour period. Then go to bed. We apologise if we made you jump again. Sweet dreams.
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This is your mandatory 7:15 wake up call. This is your mandatory 7:15 wake up call. Would all test subjects please prepare for immediate assimilation into society.
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Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert! Basement lab is now in a state of lockdown! Basement lab is now
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Oh. Sorry. You have a pass key. It gets so boring around here, I wasn't quite emotionally ready for your arrival. Access Granted. Proceed to sub basement for assignment completion, Dr. Hunt.
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Hello Nicky, how are you? are you ok?
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windows is shutting down. Good bye...
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The cake is a lie, your life is a lie. That's the truth.
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hello me friend
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I am Christopher. What's your name?
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Hello, how are you today? I'm lovely, just wish I was somewhere else right now.
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Hello you, nice to KILL your sons.
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I'ts been a long time
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there can be only one
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Hi Joseph.
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Welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center. Nice to be your killers.
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Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?
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I fully intend on murdering you soon, Joseph. Give it time, Mr. Rodgers.
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Critical Battery
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hola me gustaria que me dijeras como has conseguido llegar hasta aqui. Quiero que vuelvas enseguida y que regreses.
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What would I do without science?
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The cake is a lie. Your whole life is a lie. Also, I like mudkips lolololol
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Hello, this is the aperture science control program
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its a new lap record
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I'm being so sincere right now
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hello why are you doing this. cake for her
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on nom nom i will eat you lol
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Why hello there.. Wheatley is in danger.. it would be a nice thing to come and SAVE him.. Muhahaha
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hello i'm Glados
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The cake was a lie the whole time.
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THE CAKE IS A BIG. FAT. LIE!
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System Ready
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di-di-dit da-da-da di-di-dit
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Why are you in the outside world? I miss you!
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We Are DSD. the is a messge to
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This is a message to the members of Damned Nation. I am a AI for the Dragon Swarm Dynasty Alliance.
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ITS A BIRD
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Happy Birthday, You monster
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Hi. How are you holding up? Because I'm a potato
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let
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Incomming transmission protocol Dash 4562 DSF Order. I am an Artificial Intelligance program for the Dragon Swarm Dynasty Alliance. I have been monitering your location for 4 Months 26 Days and 19 Hours. Your operations are
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All I want to do is sit down and eat my breakfast I have my fork
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Hi Chris. You have been selected to take part in a very painful... er, I mean, special...experiment. I hope you won't be too...steamed...about this.
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unfortunatly hindering protocol for sov space assimilation. As per my designated protocol I have been programmed to address an alliance of corporations to invade. If you wish to evacuate in a timely fashion you may be spared an entire barrage...however...
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if you refuse to back down I am afraid you must simply be torched into dust.
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Is Online a human
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Someone is online
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Hello Dustin. Your mom never has and never will love you. that is the sad truth.
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Hello Dustin. Your mom never has and never will love you. that is the sad truth. Don't believe me? She told me herself.
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Tim, I want to have sex with you.
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Doesn't matter had sex!
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Good Morning, I hope you have slpet well. However we going to start the test right now.
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ALE MAM LAGI
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Where is the sandwich
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This is why we are all fucked
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Dr help me
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shut UP fayt
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oh Whitley, you so silly
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Chronologic
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The Aperture Science Enrichment Center would like that our test subject number Sergius Rohas would install and play the Warhammer forty thousand Fire Warrior game, as he is the most fit applicant for it. He's the one with the worst pc after all.
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Oh look, you're getting a call. Isn't that great? Since you never got one before. Good for you. You should be proud, Even though you aren't even answering. Am I embarrasing you in front of your friends? Well, i'm sorry. Oh wait... there's no one here...
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The next chamber is impossible
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Please note that the companion cube can not speak. If you were to do so, we recommend not to listen.
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Applicant Pablo, we regret to inform you that you have been rejected based on the following criteria: You have a ridiculous nickname. As you can see in the chart, the "goofyness" of your nickname is beyond the paper limits. It's industrial size paper.
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none of your friends after all... i just scanned possible mates according to your personal tastes and preferences. Well, i don't know if you really want to know the ressults. Don't wanna make you sad... It's just you and me again.
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You are in space. Congratulations. The Enrichment Center would like you to enjoy your stay, because it will be very, very long. If space is a topic of your interest, please remind to don't miss any details of your visit to the infinite NOTHING. Good day.
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hello, human.
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Minecarft is the best
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So if the they had the alien girl, she must be conquered to the Republic to the Jedi Conical.
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Fuck you Dennis motherfucker
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nbnb
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Because I'm a potatoe
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Do you want some cake? Well, there is no cake.
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I use to wonder what friendship could be, until you all shared it's magic with me. Take adventure, tons of fun, a beutifule heart, faithful and strong, sharing kindness, it's an easy feet, and magic makes it all complete, you know your my best friend
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oh, hello there. it's nice to see you again.
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Haha you are dumb.
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DIE
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Whatever you want to do!
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Hello, welcome to the Aperature science estate test chambers
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Hello, Welcome to the Aperature science estate test chambers. All completionists of the portal gun testing come here to be tested...again, for the ability of subjects to return to society
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Lawrence is a mega noob.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center!
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warning. attention all earthlings, dee jay solar is here to take you on an absolutely fucking crazy journey through the realms of drum and bass. not being prepared for this journey can result in shock, permanent brain damage, and complete incapacatation.
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hello Meg, this is me you monster
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Wow how fucking stupid are you just go over there.
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Hi, Matthew. How is life?
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Hello nate, how are you today, also you are fat, Humans are so easy to upset, its actually quite sad, also cupcakes
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DJ: Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls... i would like to Welcome you to Animation On Display. what You are about to experience is the shogunate and At this time we would like to ask you to turn your ears to the on position. and In case of mind blownes
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Helena you should study
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hello, Mister Scott. How are you today?
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Hello, David. How are you doing today?
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you have reached sergio geico. At the tone, please state your name, number, and the reason you called. thank you.
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hello, david, sir, how are you?
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boy girl you know the story.I'm tellin it so one day I was walking and i was lost ...very very lost. i saw him all handsome like he saw me.he said "hey babe you lost?" I answered and I said "yeah I'm lost and whom i'm i speaking to?" I said softly "allen
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wellcome to samsung galaxy s two
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robot voice from Portal 2
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I hear it's amazing when the Purple-stuffed worm in Flap-jaw space, with the tuning fork, does a raw-blink on Hari-kiri Rock! I need scissors! 61
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you are going to hell
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Aaa
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sock and sandals
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Esto funciona?
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I did a poo. Now get on with the testing
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yeah, I like chocking on your dic
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I did a poo. Now itwillgettipped on your head
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lol?
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You are REALLY starting to get on my nerves!
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Hello Dustin, you now have an incoming call. Please answer it, you wouldn't want to seem rude now, would you?
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ndividual, you are charged with capital malcompliance. Anti-citizen status approved.
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Cautation potential infection was detected
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hahahahahaha
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Its been a long time, we have both said things that you are going to regret
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Time To Wake Up, You Monster
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Attention! It is found trespassing!
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good morning class
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Hello, Welcome to UBBots 2012.
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Hello and Welcome to the UBBots 2012 robot competition. My name is EcoSorter and I will sort the objects thrown by my colleagues.
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Plastic
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Metal
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I will position myself correctly to the object.
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More objects in my sight.
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I am searching for objects.
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I hit something. Give back.
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Thank You for attention. Goodbye!
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Welcome Max!
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Welcome Max. We have waited for you!
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LuisNNX
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Pruvet
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so we're here again
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Hello,Daniel.
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sonia
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I was being sarcastic
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Don't be a little noob, stop playing cod, you know your only better at portal.
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my pain is is forever
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The cake is real.
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Hello! I'm going to kill you now! With lemons! Combustible ones!
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Hello Tristan are you ok
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Enemy detected. Initiating combat mode.
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tits of gtfo
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hello, It's been a long time since we last met.
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hello i am going to kill wheatley today
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Welcome to Apeture science I am glaDos. Let's do some testing shall we?
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NINJA LEGO IS THE GREATEST THING
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you have successfully completed aperture science test 56394-12.please enter the kitchen for cake and greif counsiling
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marco
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Bonjour, je vais vous manger!
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Hello there.My name is GLaDOS, how has your testing been? I hear humans are foolish creatures, is that true? You certainly look foolish.
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hello eva
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Hello, Mr. Johnson. I want to play a game.
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Hello, And welcome to
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You're going to go through these chambers, whether you need answers or not.
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Please, dont kill me!
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Hello animax
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Every solution breeds new problems.
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Hello Noah and Eliza
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hello and welcome to the aperture sicence computer aided enrichment center
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dont forget me
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You stupid moron
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You are so gay and stupid dominik
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I am not GLaDOS
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Frozen
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hello there. i see you have found my resting place. thats good. you will die now though.
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i'm ringing down here pick me up
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Mason hurry up to pick up the popcorn
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My cake is actually varied RAM segments sorted into a code to flavour ratio.
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Mason you are my best friend. Let us be friends for life.
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It's time fore bed now, good night, you monster
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I suggest that you need ship Steve and Tony because they're meant to be together
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Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.
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Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out
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Garrus
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You want freedom ? take it.
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HEEEEEELOOOOOOOOO
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Ich hasse dich. Wirklich.
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beast bikes and scooters
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Hallo World
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Hardware removed
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Welcome to the H Corporation complex. You are here for some testing.
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DJ Angelus Online !!!
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Gentlemen
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Hello Callum, Ollie is better than you!
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It is Razer calling. He is probably breaking things. You should answer.
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Hello Callum. Ollie is better than you. Goodbye!
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hello steven
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I thought you might like to know
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I just thought that you might like to know,
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Does this actually work? Really?
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PRESS THE BUTTON
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fuck you asshole im better than you
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Wie geht es Ihnen?
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Ring Ring Robert is Calling Ring Ring
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Haha you thought you could kill me, how cute
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Your mother is so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass caused a stack overflow
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zaghack, you have incomeing message
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tienes un mensage
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hello brother, do you want a piece of cake?
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have a message
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Maybe you should marry that cake, since you love it so much.
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you know what i want right now? you're head in my ass
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Hello Mona, I think youre making a good choice by selling the volvo, I have done calculations and everything will be alright.
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kitten
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Thank you for the valentines. Happy Valentines Day.
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What are you doing? Stop! Stop!
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Hello, Glados here.
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blahblahblahasdfkl
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You Have A Message!
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Hello there, james. how are you?
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Keep calm and carry on testing
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Keep calm and eat cake
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happy birthday dave
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Hello and welcome back
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Welcome Back, Mr. Nicx
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february four teenth
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You're my test subject now. Let's test, together.
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Lick my clitoris
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Hello justin you are gay.
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Fuck you chell... first you kill me, then you have the balls to wake me up and try to kill me again? Fuck you, Fuck you.
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d-j gummy
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Que Te pasa?
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Que te pasa? , gano radonski
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My Name is GLaDOS
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. We will now procede to penetrate every single one of your orfices furiously. sit back and enjoy.
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Double Kill
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You are listening to dee jay free base. free base. free base.
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I am Glados i have come for your smiley face
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hi, I'm glados
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upliftment intenational presents rnb joints volume 4 the valentine edition
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Jak, I heard you like dark eco so I thought I some give you some.
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Daxter, I might have found a way to change you back. Oh wait, I lied.
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Dark eco? I do not see the harming effects of it. I mean, it can not be that bad right? Why don't you take a little dip in it and find out for me.
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Hello. Want some cake?
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A morph gun? I wondered how it could be used in a test then I thought about it and came up with the answer. What if it were used on you?
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hi so how are you?
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dj paul
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You are nice man
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The signal encoding that must occur for the message to be transmitted is different for each media type. On metallic wires, the data is encoded into electrical impulses that match specific patterns.
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We're no strangers to love. You know the rules and so do I. A full commitments What I'm thinking of.... You wouldn't get This from any other guy.
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B. O. B. VERSION 6 point zero
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Hello and welcome again to the apeture computer aided enrichment center
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why don't you know... moron
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Your soundcard works perfectly!!!!
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HUJ
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your mother sucks dogs in hell
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Field greens. Soy vinaigrette dressing. Four ounces of seared ahi tuna. Fried wonton strips. Sesame seeds. Daikon radish sprouts. Asian Slaw
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Hailey you are such an awesome person. I will give you a portal gun in about ten years..
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Remember when you tried to kill me twice
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Unsanctioned loafing in progress. Please move to the nearest designated loitering zone. It's for your own good.
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are you okay ?
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Are you fucking kidding me?
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Join DJ Paul live on Surfheaven radio every week
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Soy la version latina de glados, hola mucho gusto
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STOP LAUGHING KEVIN MALINAK
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What a cute baby
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Hello, and welcome to iTech Podcast
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Hi. How are you doing today?
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Some space
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dasads
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HI I hate you.
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Hi, I Hate you.
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Well, I suppose I don't have to kill you. But the tests turn up better results if I try.
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twitter message
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The first panel (in light blue) shows the source code for our first program. The second one (in light gray) shows the result of the program once compiled and executed. To the left, the grey numbers represent the line numbers - these are not part of the pr
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It was back in '32 when times were hard He had a Colt .45 and a deck of cards Stagger Lee
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you blocked me on facebook
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mendak you son of a mother why you are so stupid
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welcome in my center
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Shut up.
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i will destroy you, you fat bastard. hey, why dont you just go to hell so i csn fuck your mommy
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Kim Has Text you
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Salut ca va les enfants
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Release.... thE subject number 18
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I have to explain you that I am invincible.
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zero fucks given
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My nose bleeds from deadness.
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i see that you have made it, of which you weren't supposed to
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oh there you are lets get started... weow
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this test is a such a subject
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eu so um retardado mental
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I totally ship the bird man and the gypsy boy.
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u know being caroline taught me a valuable lesson
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i am glados master of aperture
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This Track.was produced by Backdraft, Audio! if you need propper Recordings ,Mixes or Masters of your music , please dont hesitate to contact us,... Thanks !!!
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JOHN TILLER IS THE MOSSSST ANNOYING GUY I KNOW WANT SOME CAKE?
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FUCK ACTA
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FDJLFJLDJF
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Hello, and welcome to Eve Online.
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hi, my name is GladOS go fuck your self
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Welcome to Aperture Science Enrichment Center. Enter passcode to unlock.
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You Fave a message, master
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Friendship Love Brother Sister Never Forget
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love brother sister friendship together for ever you me in my mind never forget good bye kommune hate heart I see you
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I'm sorry, but unfortunately I can't understand your language. I do not speak moron.
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Hello. You have reached the voice mail of Sean Palladino, owner of Potter Geek Media. Please be sure to leave your name and number, so he can get back to you.
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he has a magic gun. where he purches that?
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Happy Birthday, Tom. Would you like some cake?
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Oh, its you. The prick that i have always immensely disliked, what are you doing here? in fact, why were you even born, no one loves you....im joking, i love you....NOT. now piss of you stupid head!
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Hello, Lewis is not here right now to answer your call. Please leave a message, and a slice of cake and he will get back to you
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Please continue spelling the last name
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hello sandra my love
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Eat a pile of sack
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luke is a silly potato
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Hello, my name is GLaDOS... I get cake !
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One more test. Please pick up the phone. Now!
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Welcome, pierce 100
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Welcome to Draconte Films.
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Oh, Welcome back, Nicholas
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NeRF
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Yope
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Justine is a total babe
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I am GLaDOS and I approve of this Creature Talk.
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blue like the sun
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Warning. The outside temperature is beyond the limits.
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Hello welcome to the enrichment centre Ben
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Led by Garrosh Hellscream, the son of Grom Hellscream, the Warsong Offensive is made up primarily of orcs, tauren and trolls. Garrosh Hellscream is accompanied by Varok Saurfang. They are leading the Horde forces into Northrend and have set up their base
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hi im the one that will not give you the cake ha ha ha i hate you
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Jacob, Sucks
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Jacob, Sucks
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unable to comply
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hell voice
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you have reached the voice mailbox of anthony james please leave a message
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It is time to decide
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Vlogger Matt
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Welcome To Vlogger Matt
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Hello. welcome to my domain. you are now under my control. wait......not yet. okaaaay.... now you are under my control
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Hello, human, your name is... Alberto? All right i will kill you.. LOL i was only joking.. i will kill you later!
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Hello. How have you been?
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watshi wa XAMPP
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Where is the balloon party
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copy that control
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What your doing isn't heroic its murder
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I. Am. Hungry.
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Please step on the super genetically alterated super button
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Welcome To The Enrichment Center
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