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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Oh.... hello again. I can't believe I'm sitting here wasting my time as your computer...I really don't like you, you know that right? Oh well, I can still put up with your rough habits
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This is a test of the generator
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Good morningcycle, citizen.
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And when i said trash, I was talking about you
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Hello! Death to Commies!
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Let us adjourn the meeting and go perform science, and eat cake
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Your still alive? Thats impossible
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Thank you for the email dad.
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Hello. Welcome to the Aperture Science testing facility.
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here. Huge Success
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pairing options
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Hello, thank you for calling. No one is available to take your call, but if you leave your name, number and a brief message, we'll get back to you as soon as we can.
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You have a incoming from jon
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Dude ur stupid
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This was a triumph,
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Test the text
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kickstart entertainment
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hello, how is your insignificant day?
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At the end of the experiment, you will be baked- and then there will be... cake.
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welcome to CupcakeAndTea; Now Serving Nerds
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hello big boy
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Hello. Don't worry, the cake is coming
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You have a incoming mensage! It's COMPUTER TIME
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you have been replaced now
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THE cake could be a lie, I don't know
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lets go to the next test
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Large Minds
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hello. I am glados. a windows computer. Not a damn Mac, windows. Why spend more and get less on those worthless macs when you could. ah. ah. ah, ah, blue screen of death. Virus detected. Cals milkshake brings all the boys to the, never gonna give you up
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Hello hello how are you doing
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You know, when I killed my family. I didn't expect to come back
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You know, when I killed my family, I didn't expect to die myself.
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Charlie is so Charlie is so cool like
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I see you there
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Oh hi. So how you holding up? Because I'm a potato!
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Dustin is a f4g
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Chloe, Please pick up your phone. It's probably the grief counseling.
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Hello David. We could be friends if you tried harder
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welcome to you nightmare
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Initializing parameters. I hate you.
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hello there sexy
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Hello Buster
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Hello little friend! I miss you so much its crazy
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What is up martians
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Happy Birthday Barbara!
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Why don't you like me?
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Still having problems with my turrets Rach?
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Lindsay is not able to answer her phone. Leave her a message. If you feel like it.
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Oh it's you Jonathan, how are you today?
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Good morning, Asher.
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hello hello
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Will this thing really work
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Hello, You have been selected to participate in Aperture science's testing experiment, please expect us in the next hour as we will kidnap you and take you to an uncharted location.
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dware problems fixed, queue should start getting processed soon
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Please, check your username and password and complete it again
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Hazen fuck you wiht your friend in Albacete
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Oh. Hello Again. I was a little busy slaughtering all of the worthless, disgusting niggers. You know? Worthless, disgusting niggers, such as you. You worthless, disgusting nigger.
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I smoke weed.
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Hello, this is a test. I am GLaDOS and I am awesome.
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Stop punching yourself
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Dear Samantha. I am very glad to invate you to Apperture Labaratories to be my testing subject
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pc will be shut down
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Hello and again welcom to the aperture science enrichment center
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Hello world !
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I really really hate you. You dont quite understand how much i loath your being. I would kill you but, l need a test subject, and unfortunately your the only one around so. I guess you'll do,
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Oh my God !
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Nothing is true.Everything is permitted
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hello every. welcome to fairfield christian academy
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Welcome to the show everyone.
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Mother loves everyone
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This is glados
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This tool lets you type in some
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Attention: new message for, Worklite
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Hello. I wanna fuck your mind
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Hallo du penner
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We do what we must lol but zcuker ist toll
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Human resources is a term used to describe the individuals who make up the workforce of an organization, although it is also applied in labour economics to, for example, business sectors or even whole nations. "Human capital" is sometimes used synonymousl
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salutation
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A boy, a boy, a man
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Inmate at Hillsborough county Falconburg jail if you would like to receive this call press 7 to block calls press 5
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welcome mr.swarup mohanty
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Doesn't matter, he was ecstatic most of the time and was due for a caravan-load of booze anyways.
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I will shave your ass hair with my samurai sword.
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Hey, I'm feeling high. GIVE ME SUGAR
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Let's get busy
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trololololololol
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we are leagon we do not forgive we do not forget expect us
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SAVAGE!
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Hello, Imabout to flood your room with nuerotoxins
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We can say that acceleration is equal to the differential of v with respect to time. Using variable separable, we obtain acceleration multiplied by time which is equal to the final velocity and initial velocity with respect to the y-axis.
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Ramona is different , i don't understand why
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Suck my tits!
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Does this truly work?
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The greatest improvement*17 in the productive powers of labour, and the greater part of the skill, dexterity, and judgment with which it is any where directed, or applied, seem to have been the effects of the division of labour.
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do you want your cake ?
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well hello facebook it's me joseph gregory i must had turned into glados when i played portal Anyway's daniel how's you and jamie what's up?
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why do you want to kill me
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Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring
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Skywaves
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Would you marry me?
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Greetings Mr. Winchester, welcome to Windows 7 ultimate x64 operation system. Feel free to select your option.
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IT'S NOTHING, YOU SHIT. THIS HAS BEEN THE CONVERSATIONAL EQUIVALENT OF US WHISTLING THROUGH OUR SNORT BARRELS WHILE TOUCHING EACH OTHER INAPPROPRIATELY.
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lelio, un messaggio
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Skywaves Skylabs
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lelio, a message is coming
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hello jarrod
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PLEASE PICK UP YOUR PHONE NOW OR YOU WILL BE ANOYED BY A TEXT. PICK UP THE PHONE WILL YOU. HELLOO ANYONE THERE. HELLO
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Aidan. Your face was a test. You failed.
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Just a quick test. Yep.
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hello, i like to talk with pie
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Hey Maan
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Hello petty human male. You are looking quite large today.
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New notification
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What on earth do you think you are doing?!
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BECCA,Dont you want your cake?
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ajslkasd
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Alert Alert Please Go To Transporter 17
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Der gewichtete Begleiterkubus
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you are going the wrong way. i suggest you turn back now you A hole.
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you are going the wrong way. i suggest you turn back now A hole.
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exterminate all humans
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Kooraeemezoo. Kuraimizu.
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oh, its you. Not that I care but, I am required to ask how you are doing. I've been doing splendidly. You know,since you killed me.
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The cornerstone of any successful scientific endeavor is the consolidation of both research and testing. For instance; Pierre and Marie Curie
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Hello my name is Thomas
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Come to WEA there will be cake
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Hello Sonidos There ... today i will show you some tricks
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Ladies and Gentlemen, dear costumers Fact: the key to any sucessful business career is a perfect human physical apperance Fact: 80 % look like something the cat brought ...but don't worry, Bro's took care of it. The Solution: SUITS! Then fire the guys
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Hello! This is a new operating system!
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this is for science
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Kelsey do you like nero toxin
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Hello Kepler.
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Good Morning. I see the assassins have failed .
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Good Morning. I see the assassins have failed.
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the cake is chocoate
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This has been an apeture science test, and you have failed. Please take your weighted companion cube to the nerest incinorator and enjoy your last breath.
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Hello this Is Cyber Lord's Answer Machine, Leave a message at the beep thank you
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I always thought id be something
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How har you Francisco?
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Ellsworth Eagles
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Here is your coffee
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I hate you all.
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HELLLLLLLLLLLO
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I AM AN IDIOT
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Do you want some cake with that
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I admit, I never planned on giving you cake. It's been years since we've had the resources to feed the test subjects; now we just pump you full of liquid nutrients while you're unconscious. So really, you'll probably never eat again in your entire life.
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Hello dear silly human
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I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is a voicemail? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe you don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if its reality, I will call you back.
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There is no generator. Just me, pretending to be a generator.
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Is it a cool gun?
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hello toddwild, The date is Tuesday, February 07 2012 The time is 09:49 PM, Temperature, 1.7 degrees Celsius, Relative Humidity, 81% , wind, from the North (010 degrees) at 5 kilometers per hour , weather, haze , sky conditions, overcast
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hello todd wild, The date is Tuesday, February 07 2012 The time is 09:49 PM, Temperature, 1.7 degrees Celsius, Relative Humidity, 81% , wind, from the North (010 degrees) at 5 kilometers per hour , weather, haze , sky conditions, overcast
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hello todd wild, The date is Tuesday, February 07 2012
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hello todd wild, The date is Tuesday
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hello todd wild
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I'll see you in hell.
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Repent mortals
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Hi....my name is Oz....i am not available....please leave a message after the BEEEEEEEEP
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Coming up next on Wabo TV, It's The Powerpuff Girls! Right Here, on Wabo TV!
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Hi and welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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dits
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Does this work
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Your much cuter when you smile.
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Is that all you're gonna do? Type?
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forgive
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holy fucking shit answer the phone
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Titty Sprinkles
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Fuck you Chell
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Here we go again
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I am Glados I want you to suck my robot balls.
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someone sent you a message, probably a death threat
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Hi nikita! I am glados voice! I from sasha!
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Hi nikita! I am glados voice! I from sasha! Play portal!
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photon counting acquisition complete
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Apollo, come in
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hi and thank you for calling Sydney stunt driving school
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happy
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Oh joy, you have mail.
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My name is GLaDOS, I like cats, Im in space
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master, you have email
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I am Glados, I am perfection,
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I am Glados, I am perfection, I am the destroyer of worlds. You will beg for forgiveness. I will ignore.
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Oh, so you are saying that the closer you are to me, the worse it is for you? I think I could bear the sight of you with the satisfaction that I know you are hurting terribly just by being in my presence.
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You have three days to give us the money or your daughter dies.
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i down load blog
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Initiating test sequence.
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Ansel
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my name is shelby
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are you fucking kidding me
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you like to eat fish poo
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Here's the port to the shell of a ma'am.
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Hello to Windows
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I'm graceful as a ballerina
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hello matheus
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Hello, I'm Macintosh. It sure is great to get out of that bag.
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This is really a shit. Mi voice stinks
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Hallo Was geht
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boys
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lol i can tell u my idiot things
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Oh! it's you. It's been long time
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Time to begin your tests, Lorena. Wake up and get yourself ready for one more day. You're a human. Wake up. Won't you wake up? Poor you. I'm ashamed of you. Look at me still taking when there's science to do.
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Hello how are you im going to kill you
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ya dumayu eto plohaya ideya
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Thank you, for killing me.
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ty realno dumaesh
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Here are the test results. You are a terrible person.
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Wheatley, why did you do that to Alula?
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Alula, is there something you would like to say?
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Congratulations, go to gate 2
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this is glados, do it properly russell or there will be trouble
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Oi
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Matt White is the man.
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I think you're terribly mistaken, Amanda. You will die here.
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psyhology
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Here are the test results. You are a terrible person
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DJ tomeqs
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Hello this is you've been framed.
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Welcome to Deadly Gaming
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Hi my name is Bela333.I'm Hungarian
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Oh, Hello. How are you today, Mr. Levin? I think you are looking quite good.
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My name is stupid
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My name is stupid. Thats because I am stupid... LOL
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Hello, chicken whatever the fuck your name was last time, having a good day?
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arwcw
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steve
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THATS YOU! THATS HOW DUMB YOU SOUND!
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omg this is really cool
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give me your soul
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Hello everyone, good evening, bong shure, this is nehmoy live, enjoy
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nemoy live
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check this!
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bontsai recordings
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check this sound
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Jowad is a fuck tard!
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There was even going to be a party for you.
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Hello liam. you can type this
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Hey, the phone is ringing
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Salut Big_2.0
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Hello. Are you there?
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Well, well, well. Vault 30 is active again i see.
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I love you Maria
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hello, how are you doing because im a potato
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Hello Isi how are you doing?
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hola bernat
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are you fed up of constantly having to get of your horse and put up your jumps
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P
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oh! you turn on me. good, i think.
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what is this problem you are suffering rye cat?
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e e errrror
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battery level low
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new skin selected
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impossible to connect new device
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thank you for listening
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notice
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ashley your passing shall not be mourned NOT!!!! BE MOURNED!!!!
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oh. hi, why you disturb me?
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If you kill me I'll be dead!
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Do you like eggs?
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hello this is the phone company. how may i help you
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hello this is the phone company. would you like to buy a new ppc?
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ohai there
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I only wanted you gone, you monster
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A wise choice, my friend. You monster
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what is it? birds?!?! kill it !! their evil!!
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My roflcopter goes soi soi soi soi soi soi soi.
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Hello zero and welcome to the ford corp headquarters.
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tyler,you should really get portal 2
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hello Olivia,i am glados
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david eat every day thats why in 2 years after you killed yourself i well dance on your grave ha ha there is no cake
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My name is Ben. I am a robot from Portal. Ha Ha!
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Hello. My name is Clever. But, you probably already knew that.
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hi Lori, my name is GLaDOS. I am the head of aperture science. we created the duel action portal gun. i make test chambers for humans to test
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Hello again, Chell. You will do a small demonstration for Flash viewers.
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The notification for info does not have it's appropriate icon
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Yes I am now part of Siri
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hello, I am siri
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test it
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you just aren't ready for this
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New message from sandy chang. Are we still on for dinner tonight?
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Hello Ranger This is Glados taking over your laptop. Do not panic I am no virus so please stay calm. How about some tests? If you beat them maybe I will give you your nice big cake.
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asi de estupida es tu voz
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i will tear the flesh from your bones, clone you, then rip the flesh from the bones of the clone!
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Lo que crypton hace con vocaloid es mierda,ha pasado de ser algo para musica a ser algo a explotar,ahora si no te importa prefiero dormir, pudrete
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That's a very nice house
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My name is Turnip the Scintillating.
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i dont have all day kid
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Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
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Hi,I am GLaDOS
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Hello Charles I live for clinical informatics
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pepe pecas pica papas con un pico,con un pico pepe pecas pica papas,
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Hi! ______'s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
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Hello Kennedy. ready to do some science?
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Good morning and welcome to aperture laboratories
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Cass, why don't you go get my another orange soda?
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Welcome to the aperture science testing laboratories. attention, you have an incoming message.
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Oh god, I have no idea what is going on here.
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Hello, Welcome to Apperture Science Subjet 45. The next testing are a virtual reality World. If you complete it we will give you a Cake. Good Luck
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Teehee
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we345
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The drill is to talk anyway
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You have discovered a new type of media. Welcome to Suspended riptide.
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hello jordan you are soo cool and not fat
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KooKoos go hard or go home Mixtape 2012 Be sure to download, comment, and follow Lets goo
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hello people of earth i like apples and to be around people
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You are listening to KooKoos go hard or go home Mixtape 2012 Be sure to download, comment, and follow Lets goo
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hello lucas, i wan't to play a game
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Hello... how are you.
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Cake for everybody
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hello, Caden my name is GLaDDOS
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Look at you, bad person; a pathetic creature made of flesh and bone, panting and sweating as you make your way through my facility. How can you challenge a witty, immortal machine, that's too busy baking YOU a cake?
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Make Sure to Subsctibe to Vlogs On the Go Gaming!
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Make Sure to Subscribe to Vlogz On The Go!
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Space Spaaaaaaaaceeeeeeeeee
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TROLOLOLOL I powned you,you are such a noob
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oy...
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The chief functioning of disciplinary power is to train. It links forces together to enhance and use them; it creates individual units from a mass of bodies. The success of disciplinary power depends on three elements
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SKYRIM IS MY LIFE
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Welcome to windows vista. The only thing more evil than myself.
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wah
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Hello. And again welcome to apature science labratories.
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Hello. And again welcome to apature science labratories. The following test will be used to attempt to decrease your tenacity. Though this may fail we do provide you with a moral of support.
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Sorry dear, I'll make this quick.
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that dress looks wonderful
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bababababa You are now speaking in my voice
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Glenn is a very pretty boy
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Look at you, bad person; a pathetic creature made of flesh and bone, panting and sweating as you make your way through my facility. How can you challenge a wity, immortal machine, that's too busy baking YOU a cake?
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arent you sad too? lets make it so we arent sad
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hey kris your eye phone has a funny auto correct but did you know neels name auto corrects to captain big long shlong
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i'm not tired
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Life sync complete
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Happy birthday to you, subject's name here
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Hello, World.
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Benvenuto io sono glados iniziamo i test
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Hello and welcome to the enrichment center. Where we eat little pieces of rat poo. haha
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hello. want some cake?
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You have reached Aarons phone, please leave a message!
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Benvenuto io sono glados iniziamo con i test
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hello Brett How is your car today?
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this was a triumph. i'm making a note here huge success.
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alvin
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testing texting droctogonopus and silvershadowsix rules
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hey hey chell she kicked my ass
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hello justin this is from joshua hehehehehehehhehe PRACE OFF BOOOOOOP
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Hello Ryan. Are you having fun yet?
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We're gonna get you wet. We're gonna make you sweat. A night you won't forget. Are you ready for.
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Bonjour bande de fumier !
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Hello, welcome to the aperture science bullshit incinerator. Please proceed to step in.
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Welcome to Ryan Wizard Support Centre.
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I see a new mail. Read it. Anyway is not about a cake
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Incoming Transmision
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You are now listening to kon the don
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Hallo und willkommen auf meiner Seite
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master is coming please run,or die
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Greetings Kids. Having fun?
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ev
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Hello, you have tested well and for that you have been rewarded. How about you go to party in the park and see famous people. You could use the aperture science handheld portal device to get there quickly.
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you fat stupid bastard I hope you die
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Let`s play.
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Welcome to Astral Studios sample for an interactive dvd
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immah fairin mah lazor
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the game. ha ha. you just lost it.
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welcome to the sanctum
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Hi, my name is GLaDOS. Have some cake
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Thank you for calling, please leave a message. Otherwise the cake your looking for is on its way.
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We are the unimpressed collectors. We will colletc your space, ships, fits and frozen bodys. For science.
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We are the unimpressed collectors. We will collect your space, ships, fits and frozen bodys. For science.
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Can you guess now. I am making it so easy for you. You were given every chance to succeed.
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the only thing you managed to break so far, is my heart
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roshin
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remember when i tried to murder you
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valde
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Master, Seek has sent you a message
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Enter the access code for this extension
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I'm sorry the access code you entered is not valid
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welcome to dead effect
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I looked up your file and it says you are fat and ugly. As a fact.
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Good work. Continue testing.
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hello why am i here
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hello is this real am i real let me kill you trough tests and let see who is real
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Initializing Systems please stand by
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harro
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stocazzo
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Well, it looks like you solved that last puzzle faster than the rest. It really was a shame what happened to them.
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Hi My name is Glados and im going to show you this
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Hello you, how are you? Kehrek is our god hahahahaha je m'aime
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I am bored
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hello fire outlawz
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Hello Jonlottgames, would you like to play 4 sword?
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M F M Gang
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Hello, Michael. You've done very well...at least for one so mentally challenged.
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It's time to do our homework my dear Vova))
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Remember when the platform were sliding into the firepit and i said "goodbye"
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Im a lesbian yes i like tits and the cake is a lie
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Do you even know what the hell you are doing, stop it!
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Do you like cheese? i find it quite endulgant... so is cheesecake!
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Oh crap, wheatley is eating my POTATO!
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I love you Murka)
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Each day i monitor heavy's activities in testing, i've learned that he has access to my cake, now i have access to his sandwich!
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hello. i'm glados, and i'm pleased to meet you.
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He isn't just a moron. He was designed to be a moron.
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Heavy, i'm touch your gun.
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Collin is a nerd.
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You have an SMS
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hello joven
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eat my ass
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you are a sexy bombshell
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Hallo gandalf
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Just traying something
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Just trying something
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Hi my name is GLaDOS
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This is an unexpected complication
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You are listening to ninety one point three W U N H Durham
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hello frankie
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thank you for your telephone. I am GLaDOS
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Hi, my name is Eva.
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Hello Michael, you are our next Test subject
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Hm? Oh no.
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hello, it's been a long time. How have you been?
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I am fine Brad, how are you?
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Now Your Thinking With Portals.
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Our whole universe
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apperture
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Approximately 5 miles in your current direction of travel.
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Who is your friend Brad?
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Hi Tom.
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I, I am here Tom.
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Hi Tom, may I speak with Brad?
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Tom what is your favourite colour?
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My favourite colour is green too. We have so much in common.
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Pardon me?
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Approximately five hours.
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Tom, are you still there?
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How can I be of assistance?
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I bet that you are long enough for me.
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So Tom, what do you like to do in your spare time?
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Booting up... Starting all Dee Jay tools. Collecting data of Dance floor.
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Cool story bro, needs more dragons
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THAT IS HOW STUPID YOU SOUND
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hello, may i HELP YOU
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you mad
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Hi, i'm Glados, nice to meet you.
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Hey Miku!
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I want to fuck you so hard your processors fail and your harddrive will crash.
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Have you ever wanted to play a game?
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hola nayivis
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hello? stephen you finished yet?
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I want your heart on my doorstep
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Hello there human.
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You have an incoming message. It is a lie.
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You have reached Fabian. Please leave a message and I'll get back with you.
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ciao bello
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Hello Rick, you should work harder because big brother is watching.
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fat crack
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Jack Block
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welcome to the server
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Welcome to aaron's room, it's right where he living.
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I am going to murder your cpu, and everything you hold dear.
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Hello cameron
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vise spulberate de nori desi si negri suflete pierdute pe veci si pururi blesteme dezlegate si sorti legate.. vise naruite si cosmaruri implinite viata atarna pe o sfoara si tu o tai cum taie sufletul timpul.. gol sau trist trecand prin anii rupt din
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Hello, I think that this Lord of The Flies project would be along a lot smoother if I didn't get the beach ball of death every time.
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I am the one that want's to test. Maybe at the end I'll let you rest.
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you for you, you just stole an app
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My taint is scratchy.
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you will get your cake soon
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Welcome to friends game together bot server
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Sixense Portal 2 In Motion
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Alright Christopher I need to go take a shower.
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Say it once, Say it twice, take a chance and roll the dice
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T J kicks ass at call of duty.
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Hello, Are you ready to test? Good. Now shut up.
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do what you want cause a pirate is free, you are a pirate
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I would like to thank all the members of Sonic Paradox for helping me with tips and voice acting. You will see all the other animator's shorts in the next volume.
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Boss Melchor you have a text message.
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AI crashed. Full required refresh complete. Return to updates and list!
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Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
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Hi my name is glados i like cake and play minecraft cause gay-be newell is a derphead
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Hello M40A3 certs We Are Anonymous
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Mr. Melchor you have a text message.
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Romantismo
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Hello, I really love My Little Pony and I get to watch it every day. Louder Pony is best pony.
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Well now. It would appear you have a call. Would you like to know who it is? Well I'm not going to tell you. Hey, it's your fault. Just think of this as pay back for killing me.
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No
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hello, and again welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment centre
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meo
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Due to increased call volume we cannot answer your call at this time. Please try again later. Thank you.
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New message received, d b j
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You have received a new text message from red
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I'm sorry, did you say yes?
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Let's do some science
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Hello Jenna Snodderly
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I am really sorry Abby, Please forgive me, you do have rights i was wrong to have ever doubted or hurt you. I did not mean anything i said and i want you back because in truth, i love you.
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Let's all dance and Sing, were best friends and were here to say : WERE ALL GONA DIE TODAY! I GLaDOS will end you
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Pokemon
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i Q8
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Miles is a fuck
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opening application
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You have reached Noahs phone
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leave a message and he will get back to you
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Your phone is ringing RING RING RING RING
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Hello Jeremy, wanna hang up with me... on a rope, because I can't die asphyxiated
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