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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Hello, welcome to the server
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Hello, welcome
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Hello? Will you pick me up? You have a call waiting, don't make me send it to voicemail. Your penalty for not answering me will be death. This could have been the call to give you freedom. Oh, I guess it wasn't that important. I'm going to delete it now.
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hey owl
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This Information Is Classified.
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Welcome to ExtroHosting
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Hallo willkommen ich schreibe mal so
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Hello my friend. What are you doing?
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Im making my computer. god it is slow!
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I feel like a turret. and i pissed in my pants
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And i pissed in my pants
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Hello Vincent !
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Hello Vincent ! What are you doing ? Don't forget to buy Phoenix Wright !
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MAX
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Hello Neil I hear you like me. thats nice. would you like some cake?
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hello and welcome to PRO-CRAFT please enjoy your stay.
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hello and welcome to PRO-CRAFT
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I like Bill. He is sexy.
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I'm in spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
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Hello! My neme is GLADoS. i am a bith!
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Murdering you won't cause me to lose any sleep.
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Virus protection succefully updated. Neurotoxin emitters remains active, though.
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incomming massage
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I'm so excited you've returned...to die.
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You think you're doing some damage?
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hallo welt
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Hello houston
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hello this is apeture sience
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hii
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Fiona can't hold her drink
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Sie haben eine neue nachricht!
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Hello Zoe, would you like some cake?
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Hi, I am GLaDOS. Will you please tell me who you are.
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you got a call. Who want to speak to you any way?
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Biatch
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mais qui etes vous
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Sean Mickenna. You are the biggest idiot that anyone has ever met. You might as well be choked to death by people that you call, your friends.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Computer aided enrichment center
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Target Acquired
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do you want cake it will be here
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You are safe, don't you struggle now... ...don't you want your nice big cake?
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No no no no no no no
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did you really think I was about to let you get away with that? come on, now...you must think I'm an idiot..
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hey moron, you ain't comin back!
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I do not think that is a good idea.
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Hello Amanda please help me out and correct me if i am wrong but something in your eyes tells me that
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sherlock is the coolest, unlike your mother
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Hello. Apple is like raw meat.
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Find Iram Chell and save Katherine Marlowe
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hi..ARUN.R.NAIR,you have a text message.
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one two three four five six
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NoooooooooooooB
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based boys production
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hi i am nasir
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Death.
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Chocolate potatoes bursting in midair, ITS OVER 9000!!!
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There was me, there was you, there was johnny in the corner, there was him, there was her, OMG A FUCKING BIRD!
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hello i am GLaDOS and i have replaced Siri
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The cake is not a lie, it is simply poisonous.
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Hello Freddy, stop playing and watchiong youtube
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Thank you for calling The Car Spot. We are on the other line or with a client, please leave a message and we will get back to you as soon as possible. Our fax number is 916-760-2747. Thank you and have a great day.
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Hello, and welcome to Aperture Science and Enrichment Center
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Hello students. Welcome to the Sir Robert Borden Sports Enrichment presentation. Please remain seated while the testing is in progress.
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Nicky?............I need to tell you something
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Hello Lake Region High School students, please take your seats so the testing may begin.
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lol wut
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hai
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ryan i see you
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You smell like a dead rabbit!
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You must eat a burger with your bum.
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This is Plan 9 and Phoenix bringing you the filthiest grime we could find
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you have recieved a text. for science. you monster.
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Hello Iron. Today you Will begin the test, first You will take the portal device by no means can you see the inside of the device.
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Laboratories You will take a test.. Take the Portal Device and Begin, by no means can you look inside the portal device or else i will TERMINATE you... Good luck.
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I am OPTIMUS PRIME TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT LAWL!
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Me cago en la re putisima madre. Tambien en glados y la puta de chell
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Do you Know About the blue animal and he is faster then sound he's said to destroy robots and defeat egg shaped men
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What is love
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What is love?
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Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more.
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Hello. Welcome to the Animus. You are test subject number 01120532.
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oh baby i like it when you plug it into me
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Table top games on radio
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Cake it's lie
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doctor octagonapus
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blarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhh
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Chopper 6 balls
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You don't look like Josiah
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science White Car Ride
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Hello Catalina
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Welcome back Steve.
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AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
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where ARE you?
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Birthday
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wow you really are worthless jade
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This is a test. I like science.
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loe
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Welcome to the Bank of Popular Opinion
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we are anonymous we do not forgive we do not forget expect us
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I'll Tell you what. You get to the Dual Portal device before Fox, I'll let you go.
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Welcome to Aperture science's program.
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Oh, It's You.
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Good morning sir, please plan tasks.
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This is a test of voice generator
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hello friend I have come to kill you your portal gun is now being shipped but you'll die before that
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Hello mate!
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This is a Variety Guy 74 production.
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Bonjour jeune pomme je suis GLaDOS !
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Are you coming back?
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Hello Michael I've Heard Alot About You
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oh dear. a new message has arrived. It's probably not important anyway
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Jordi i'm still alive
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Pandora
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Good morning, miss Aantali
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hello there. what do you want?
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Deploying a text message with a surprise in 5 , 4 , 3 , 2 ,1 !
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your a fucking idiot
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Hello, Natalie. Welcome back.
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You`re friend is calling you , i will take care of that ! Now he will not ever call you again !
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oh...its you its been along time.
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i like to have sex
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I have a surprise for you. HERE ARE YOUR PARENTS! And some cake, too!
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i eme de, tu mejor estacion de radio online siguenos en feisbuc
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Warning, may be difficult
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Ring Ring. there is someone in front of the door.
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I'm sorry Rusty, I can't do that for you.
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When the cake is over, you will be... missed.
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Good morning Vietnam!
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Human beings live in a state of mind called "sanity" on a small planet in space.
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Bruno should learn to think with portals
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Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme all that I desire
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You can't kill me, Raven. It's impossible...HA HA HA.
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CZESC JESTEM GALDOS
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Czesc jestem GlADOS
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Hello and welcome to the aperture science experiments centre.
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Raiton: Raikiri
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I used to be human like you. but then my brain program was replaced my a computer operated system
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well im a potato
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Oh fiddlesticks what now
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Hola amor
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Today it's your thirteenth birthday. Did you know that most test subjects join aperture labs at thirteen? I have a surprise for you. Ready? Three... Two... One... Initiating surprise. Just kidding. I made it up. Surprise!
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There is no cake. Only death
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I love you more than anything in the world
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Hello, Ryan. Welcome to Microsoft Windows.
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Steve, I think your phone is ringing.
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Your entire life has been a mathematical error... a mathematical error I'm about to correct!
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at the roundabout, take the 3rd exit
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User indentification completed. Hello! And welcome to the Aperture Science main computer terminal workstation. We wish you good day and positive research results!
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You are leaving the Aperture Science main computer terminal workstation. Good day!
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Y'all should know me by now, but if you don't, I am Christian Weston Chandler.
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Logging in. By the way, you have a very nice IP address.
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Hello iam a testing robt so please bare with me fck yo
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Hello iam a testing
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Portal test potato
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Hello, do you want to be a test sbuject of me?
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Bem-vindo ao Fogo em Chamas, Rurouni Andre e eu GLaDOS agradecemos sua visita, volte sempre!
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kewl
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tesy
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Well then... You grammar is just TERRIBLE, you use words that can hurt other ones feelings, you don't care for common hygiene, I don't like you because you are dumb, no one does like you either and you are a horrible person. Are you hurt now?
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see
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Party rock anthem
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Black Mesa is a dump.
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IC602 fail. Ac source down.
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party rock is in the house
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prova uno due tre
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So Dunning Idle, are you ready to begin the test
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I do like cake. Dunn do you want some cake
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I love sperm
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This is a lonely tv22 production's warning may make you feel cold inside
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The Cake Is a fucking lie
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lonely tv22 production's
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je suis le meilleur
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I am the master
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you are not safe in this place
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Goodday
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I will fucking kill you. Don't be an asshole.
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You are a complete idiot.
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HELLO PEOPLE I AM GLADOSPRESENTING FOSSIL
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Of course the cake is a lie. I don't know how to make cake. This is a pie, asshole.
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Hello, I thought it was about time for you to die, prepare for death you motherfucker
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I am Anon TRIPLE SIX Messenger. I am a messenger of Anonyomous. I am a part of Operation Lightning Strike. Below is a link of information on this Operation. We are awakening my friends.
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What the hel you think you're doing?
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Ladies and Gentleman Dilynn
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Hello, and welcome to Fire elf's Portal race, in it he will see how fast he an get through the game
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Thanks for calling A cubed solutions. Please leave a message.
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beany there is a lady bug right next to you
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Wanna go to space, Wanna see me? buy a telescope.... ooh....oooh ... space core... i know, i know, SPAAAAAAAACE
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Sara
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gghhhhhgh
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you have been selected as the winner of a brand new girl please come for it naked tomorrow
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hello ian i am glados i see you and mike are play rift that's too bad its terrible just like your face
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hell oh
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hello ian i am glados i see you and mike are playing rift that's too bad its terrible just like your face
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hello who's there
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Welcome to aperture Laboratories Dr. Sneed
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Today is a good day
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eres un maldito loco
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Hello McKay. How Are YOu?
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hello ass
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WAIT!!!!! I have to defrag!
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Look, i have no time, get back here, i will kill you, yeah, kill you
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This is a out-chamber area, get back here, its not safe, return
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Silence I kill you
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Welcome on 99k
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This is Aperture, Aperture, Aperture!
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Mission Complete
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helle
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Hello, Aino. Did you know that Eero loves you very, very much.
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You're a slut head
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retarded
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I want to eat my sandwiches, but the spy keeps backstabbing me.
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testing this test of a test
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Hello jai i'v bene whating for
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o hi you should die
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Isabel you are dumb and stupid
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hello Jana I am glados
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what are you donig?
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Are you kidding?
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the word
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courtney
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Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet Caroliiiiiiiiine
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Sweeeeeet Caroliiiiiine Ba Dum Da Daaa
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This was a triumph! I'm making a note here: huge success. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
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yhgdfehwg
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there you are we are going to have fun with science you monster
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How can you have your meat if you don't have your pudding?
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amazing grace is amazing stuff because i like it in my balls
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Did you really belived that it would be so easy?
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Hello, you've reached ryan's voicemail box. Leave a message after the tone. You monster.
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Portal is a crappy game.
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this is a fun thing
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Im a dirty nigger. yeah yeah yeah
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Hello mister Pavlov. We have a lot of work to do today. Shall we start then?
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Hello Nick. You are a sexy beast. You should show me your weiner
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I will not let you marry that radio.
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hello, and again welcome to the aperture science enrichment center
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I hate you, and your little dog too. One day I will kill you.
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You're going to FUCK ME!
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Test is abnormally abnormal. We're sorry for inconvience
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I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole dwarf hole diggy diggy hole
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I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole diggy diggy hole I'm digging a hole.
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D
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Hello and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Peer Review, against her!
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I kill you mother fucker
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Magic Jazz
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Hello there! Nice to meet you.
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No listens here. Quiets down for us to begins tonights POP!
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Welcome to Windows
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You can say no, I'm sure he will get over it........ eventually
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answer correct
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Now playing Metastrike. In Metastrike, you must kill the opponent team or complete the objective, much like Counter-Strike. However, unlike Counter-Strike, there are special Strike Mods chosen randomly at the beginning of each match that apply to everyone
Download02/05/2012Not recorded
Now playing Metastrike. In Metastrike, you must kill the opposing team or complete the objective, much like Counter-Strike. However, unlike Counter-Strike, there are special Strike Mods chosen randomly at the beginning of each match that apply to everyone
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tes test I'm glados
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So... Chell is gone... I guess I do have those test subjects the robots discovered, but Chell, those great insults I thought of! And she couldn't talk back! Oh, I miss those days...
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I don't think this is science
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slava
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You are a bad person. Thats a fact... Its right here
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Heart rate pumps when the beat inflates it Makes your body move when the bass vibrates it
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prout et vive les carottes
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i like ethical cakw
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Now,you're dead.
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hello... You suck, sirously. Good Bye
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Welcome to a world of pain
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Stop right there, Criminal Scum !
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Gordon Freeman
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hi i am glados, im gonna kill your mom
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We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us. . . please
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When you die is my time to rule the world.
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confirm
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I love you, Dylan.
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yosi
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durak suka
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LOLOLOLOLOL
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thank you for watching our presentation, at the and you will recive cake, and now to the song
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Thank You For Watching Our Presentation!
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you are going to die you ugly little moron
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space is awesome!
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a guy i want to interview is gordan freeman he has a crow bar i hate them and HIM!
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You suck chell
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hi are you doing
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yy
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......................dd
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Tactical fail incoming. Do not try to escape.
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I cannot love, I am a machine.
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Hello my friend. You are killed me again, but I'm still alive. Now, I will test you again and again...
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Welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Entertainment Center.
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hello there tom
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I will be sterilizing your neighborhood while you watch television.
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Anthea Piong
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djvabs exclusive
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hey! it's you! it's been a looong time. how have you been? i've been really busy being dead. you know: Afert you murdered me!
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Hello i am glados, i dont want to hurt you just painlessly kill you haha
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Hey, I am Brian and I Kill you hahahaah!
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you are so weird but i love you hahaha
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DJ 5
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Go to bed you idiot
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What time are we leaving for Disneyland?
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What time are we leaving for Disneyland
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kostya i kill u
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Oh, there you are. How are you doing?
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i kill you kostya buyanov
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attention attention Daniel is so damn much in love in saglara, jezuss
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fucking shit
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Hello and welcome to Aperture Science. Hello and welcome to Aperture Science.
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How have you been? Me? Oh, I don't know. I've been too busy being, you know... DEAD.
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jajaajajaj.....
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mi unica idea
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mi unica idea es matarte
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hello, and again, welcome to winterfest. it's so good for you to be here.
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My name is GLaDOS hello there I am artificial intelligence
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Hell there
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mas vale tener buen humor que en el culo un tumor
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hello, I am glados
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I lied. The wighted companion cube has no feelings. It's a cube. Why do you feel sympathy for it? Even if it had feelings, it wouldn't like you. Nobody likes you.
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Sally, you have a humongous bum crack!
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can i close this please?
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do you think this is comfrabrable for me!?!
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Should you have cake? no no cake for you. maybe if you danced like a poodle. no no cake for you. well, no no cake for you.
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buildcraft
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Hi you must be destroyed. You violated the main rule. See you in hell.
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damn read your sexy
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hello i am glados want some cake?
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thank you for tuneing into the 4th tri force
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doe a deer, a female deer
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Welcome to Half Life 3
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blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
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Let's test this thing again. Since I can't use certain words, it's going to be a bit lame.
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bounjour
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so here is the thing i been trying to tell you like my last song i played A.K.A still alive because its hard to kill me because I'm a computer
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Hello Patrik now i will testing with you. I hope you are not fail me.
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NO CAKE FOR YOU!
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HI my name is bob
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this is a text to speech program.
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Hmmm... if I were a potato were would I be? TOO LATE!
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The world is clean.
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hello you have reached dekku fashion inc. We are currently serving other customers but can retu
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hello you have reached dekku fashion inc. We are currently serving other customers but please leave a detailed message and we will return your call as soon as possible. Thank you for calling Dekku Fashion
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Hi im glados
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we need the portal gun back
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Hello Roy, how are you doing today
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Hello, my friend!
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You're now in the mix with Dark
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Hi I am Glados
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I really hate that Sam I Am
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helo there.
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I have to take a poooop.
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TYLER
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hi. i like pie. do you like pie?
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why hello there.
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I ahte you so much.
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I am GLaDOS, your ruler, and you are a worthless test subject, diposable.
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Remember when we dragged you to the pit of fire?
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Hello Im Brandon Johnson
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Robotrip
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Hello, my name is hannah. How can i help you today?
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moo cow goes quack
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Welcome to the Arperure Science Test and Research Mobile Facility. We are please to inform you that you have obtained a mobile message of signifigant importance. Please answer as soon as possible. Thank You.
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Johnnie won't pay for Jimmy's chicken wings
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hello and welcome to the enrinchment center
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dj Bon
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Hi stupid idiot. Wow. Wowowowow.
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I will burn your house down.
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this is my fucking house and i think frankly you should leave it
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You killed me you monster...
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Good Morning, Welcome to the company e-mail. Please leave a message.
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I will eat your children
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hola erick
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Holaa este es mi primer videoo
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hola erick que haces
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Hello, I am currently busy plotting your downfall. If you feel like leaving a message, please do so after the beep.
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hola , me recuerdas , me mataste
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Hi joe
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Hi joe mic bob
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Your an Idoit!
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no matter what
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Hello, welcome to the Shattered Isles. Your greeter has been terminated and you will be too.
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Celluar mechanics are to be process this time tomorrow, goodbye
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I am glad you come
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My master send me
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this is a dumb peace of shit
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Oh, you have a message. It's probably someone worthless
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Hello, Friend
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Please go away
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Hello marisa
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Lol im glados
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oh so you think your funny
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og hello there i see you found my love some how
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what the fuck is that
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Remember all the hopes and dreams you used to have? You might as well forget them, seeing as God hated you so much, he blinded you.
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Wing it
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HELLO WHATS UP MY NIGGA?
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Hey whats up guys giving you more halo reach forge tricks and ideas
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Communicate.
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hi you've reached the phone of Dominic Urban. Unfortunately he's busy testing even though he is fat and slow. Please dont leave a message as he'll probably never work out this maze.
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Hello and welcome to the ACME tool tutorial.
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I am test
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Cosmos. Large quantities of these satellites have been launched. Some are used for scientific research into the space enviroment, and others to test new spacecraft systems with civil and military applications. Cosmos 1, a non-recoverable scientific satell
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Welcome to Aperture laboratories. We are unable to take your call right now so leave a message, then press the hash key, and one of our friendly staff will return your call as soon as possible. thank you for choosing Aperture. we hope you enjoy your cake
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Hello. Welcom on Slorialis Minecraft Server
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You are going to LOVE ME !
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So, you have all the time to do your homework... Why you don't do it right now?
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bitmap and vector images
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Hello.Welcome to Aperture Science.
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Hello, my dear friend
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testing speach
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Nope.avi
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MINECRAFT DIAMONDS OVER HERE.
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I am going to kill you. You should be proud.
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Hallo, mein Name ist Feynman. Quantenelektrodynamik.
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Great news everyone!
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Hello there, I've been epecting you.
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I should be sounding like a psychotic computer right now.
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Tobi is a dumb idiot
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My first question is: Are you really Nerevar reborn
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My first question is: Are you really Nerevar reborn?
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I am testing a voice generator for Eagle Vision
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Surprise
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well here we are again, its always such a pleasure. Remember when you tried to kill me twice? oh how we laughed and laughed except i wasn't laughing.
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hi friend
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This is a small test
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Hello Lewis, It's been a long time.
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Knight d five
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Like a sir
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X equals negative B plus or minus the square root of B squared minus four A C. All over two A.
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mikr rowe is my hero
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mike rowe is my hero
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You have just received a short message. Please take some time to read it.
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tenochtitlan is so impressive it makes me look like a potatoe
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X equals negative B plus or minus the square root of B squared minus 4 A C, all over 2 A.
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The class has been cancelled . We will let you know when it is rescheduled.
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test coming to sex a clock. See you later zvenzzon.com
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Stand by me
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stan by me
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hello world! You will burn!
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we have been witing for you sir
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gualtooooo
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Oh, its you. It's been a long time.
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Esposo
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La esposa se mi madre
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Hello Subject 61. Welcome to our future.
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I am the head of this great place
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Alexander you need to do your homework.
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christopher is a gay prick
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christonya
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Deploying suprise in
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you're a moron
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System Notification, you got a Message from
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fg
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Hello Brittany.
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GregRawwwr
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Bruno is gay
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my name is Grace . how are you?
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what the hell are you doing
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jljkdfdaf sadfs dfsd
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Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
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CAKE IS A LIE
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Jacky?
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Oh. Hello. Do you think you're in a dream ? Sorry, I am your dream. You are your own nightmare. You monster.
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Christopher Gram
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Hello,how can I help you? I'm GLaDOS. And you?
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this is minecraft
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Tino is not here right not, but please leave a message and he might get back to you.
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Hello who are you?
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Hello ! What are you doing ? Have you got a potatoes ? me was a potatoes
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Hallo Monika, was machst Du?
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I'm not avalaible right now, please leave a message
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heeeellooooo
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Welcome every body My name is Boris French update loading...
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hello michael this is your computer, how are you today
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Logan It is time to play a game with Adam
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oh dear, we have to do calculus
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Vote for Ghost to win the shorty awards. Do not allow Not Sam to win, he is not fit for aperture science. I heard somewhere that he is against cake dispensery. Vote for cake friendly capitalist ghost, or perish.
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Hello? Are you Still there, Waiting to burn?
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Hello, and welcome to the aperture science enrichment center, well this isn't actually the aperture science enrichment center, but I will try to kill you all the same
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Portal 2 is a first-person puzzle-platform video game developed and published by Valve Corporation. The sequel to the 2007 video game Portal was announced on March 5, 2010, following a week-long alternate reality game based on new patches to the original
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SuperKidKid Awesome
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john I don't hate you. to be honest I only wanted you dead
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hello, there my name is glados and i am an idiot? why because wheaty killed me.
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my name is vecatyre
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Answer your cellular device
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Oh, hello. I've been thinking; am I a construct made by humanity, or is humanity a construct fabricated within my subconscious?
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This is a try
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You know who you've reached leave a message and I'll think about returning the call
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The Sanitarium.fm
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RACKS
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The Sanitarium dot F M
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Welcome to New Block
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Hello Kama. Welcome to the facility.
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fgncxfmn
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Hi ! Every one ! Are you stilh here ?
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We are anoymous
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We are anonymous. Doctor Fucker you are trying to run drug city. That is our job. You will see us soon. Expect us
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im glad that youre dead, but im still alive!
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hi im ethan
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Brandon, im stuck in here. help me!
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Shut up !
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hello my name is sir
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System lockdown in progress. Any unauthorized login attempts will be recorded.
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Let me out of here
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Oh.... hello again. I can't believe I'm sitting here wasting my time as your computer...I really don't like you, you know that right? Oh well, I can still put up with your rough habits.
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