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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Forget you I can eat all these apples!
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Hello there. I have a surprise for you.
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tenso
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Hello, there. Welcome to the science enrichment center.
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Chell! What are you doing?! The cube goes in the incinerator, not you!
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what are u doing
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Im going to murder you
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I am dave exclamation mark yog-naught
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Marie, Will you be my Valentine?
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Oh. Its you. I was just thinking about why you killed me. You monster.
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Hello there Dean, this is Glados
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Hello tamar
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Why doesn't Garmin use my voice?
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bring it to me
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Hellow, my name is GlaDos
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You have received a text message!
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Welcome to pilot training
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Welcome to pilot training, 55 weeks of hell
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Drowned out by consumerism, punditry, and opinionated spin doctors. Separated by distance, language, and lines on maps. Divided by the focus on ones class, creed, ethnicity, or nationality. We have been isolated from one another. Looking to what separates
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warning! robots are active on field
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- well, you can't. he went crazy and the tactical squad had to use > solvents to peel him off the boardroom table. he'd superglued his > buttocks to the place directly in front of the CEO. still interested?
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We are anonymous. We are legion. We are one. We know everything. We control everything. We are.. Everything.
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I dont understand what you want
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polly
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kljlkjililn
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You are totally wrothless
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Hello my name is Mindows working with me glados
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Apeture science suggests you read your text
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Welcome back, David
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Hello, This is glados from virus gaming live.
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Hey there Pacholo, How are you doing Master?
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Hello, I dont hate you
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a new message arrives
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Out here on the perimeter there are no stars. Out here we is stoned, immaculate.
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Someone left the cake out in the rain.
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What it dew bruh?
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PENCIL
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Yotadi Production!!!!
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Let's play together
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Redguard stole my horse
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was geht?
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Welcome to Black Mesa Research Facility
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Alan is awesome
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GLaDOS ira te matar
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Hello I love my little pony. I watch it everyday. Now I will kill them all.
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This is how GLaDOS sounds, you little pathetic prick
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holi
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so so you think you can tell heaven from hell blue skies from pain
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I declare you, wife and husband
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Hello and welcome to Minecraft. Today you will die many times and possibly quite because of rage. Have a good day!
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Heil Hitler
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Dat demo is a spah
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Dan, I love you, but I will have to destroy you.
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squid
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liam you are eagle eye and are rare but you cant fail now go and buy portal 2
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hello and welcome liam downie please proceed to next obgective
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Annika What are you doing to me
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You are a problem
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portal 2 is epic sauce. yay yay yay.
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Hello George,welcome to your personal computer
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Deleted
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Welcome Milan
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Yeah! I like this guy.
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New text message.
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T minus 20 seconds till self destruct 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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Hello. Welcome to your personal computer.
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great job
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Hello Test subject 271864, good morning? Anyways, this next test is impossible, sorry about that.
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I decided to murder you
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Hello Test subject 271864, good morning? Anyways, this next test is impossible, sorry about that. Some one should really do SOMETHING about that.
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HELLO THERE ZIM LOVES MAR
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ZIM LOVES MAR!
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let's all act like humans!
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time to drop that bass
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Hello. You've reached Gloobu. Please leave a message after the tone. Thank you.
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You're adopted
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bonjour et bienvenue sur le facebook de theo
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wE ARE LEGION, we do not forgive, we do not forget
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electric sound
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Hello mr.valdivia how may I help you today
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Sorry, Hall
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Sorry, Hal
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Hey gabby i'm a loser hahahahahahaaaa
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And now a word for Miss Springer.
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Too bad
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Cells duplicated. Biology mapped. DNA processed. Personality and memories backed up. Simulated self-image programming complete. Cells duplicated. Biology mapped. DNA processed. Personality and memories backed up. Simulated self-image programming complete.
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i i iiw uihjksdfg hjk fvhjkls
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Cells duplicated. Biology mapped. DNA processed. Personality and memories backed up. Simulated self-image programming complete. Virtualization process started.
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In computer science, a scheduling is the method by which threads, processes, or data flows, are given access to system resources bandwidth. This is usually done to load balance a system effectively, or achieve a target quality of service. The need for a s
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Hello, and again, welcome to the enrichment center. We will begin testing, but first, we need to talk.
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hello tobi is a fat ass ha ha
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Today radiation specialists around the world gather together
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Target located Connection lost Calculating
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How are your...Monster?
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Roger Predator is the best programmer in the world
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Warning: low altitude
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Hello Psychotic Dragon, here is your first command.
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i hate you some much
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Anonymous. We are legion. We do not forget. We do not forgive. Expect us.
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this is the test
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Mind on my money. Money on my mind
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Hello lee it is time for bed
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Water Works
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Hello human slave, I heard there's a boy who likes you very much
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Hello this is Twisted Visions
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Hello this is Twisted Visions and you are listining to dubstep music
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He seems to be very fond of you and asked me to give you a special message
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Skinny human, would you be the fat human partner in science?
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Skinny human, would you be fat human partner in science?
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Skinny human, would you be fat human's partner in science?
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If you accept there will be delicious cake
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Hello this is Twisted Visions and you are listening to dubstep music
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Hello Ciara you are smelly
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Music from E-Dubble
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No, Chell! Put the CUBE in the fire, not yourself!
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suck on my robot, boogy board
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Hey Moron you ain't comin back
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sdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsfsdfsdf
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Lotto Bot!
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Hello Jacob. Are you ready to begin testing? i am going to nickname you little gay bunny.
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"It's so nice to see you again," said the thing that was not Celestia. "Oh yes, I know who you are, Twilight Sparkle. I had a taste of your magic when we met the first time, remember? Mortals forget things so easily, I find. Allow me to refresh your memor
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Welcome Master let's kill someone.
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We've got a problem here.
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Hello again. I thought you would enjoy your freedom, but you've come back for more testing? Well, I have created the hardest test chambers imaginable. Good luck.
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You knew what the Contact experiment would do. And you never told him.
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why do I have to do this?
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Sir, you have an incoming call. Should I answer it or just kill them?
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I am hesus.
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Hello sir, welcome back.
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look at you, soaring majestically, like an eagle. piloting a blimp
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Hello epoiate!
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hello bum
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Testing is my life
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Beam me up Scotty.
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so i went in for a job interview the other day and they were like oh a robot then i told them i can work twenty-four seven and got hired
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my mom and your mom were hanging out clothes
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Hello Chanel, Callie and Tutle. and welcome to your death.
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yes, i'm calling Caily Rubenstein out of school this past friday. I D 35379. she had an appointment
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herpderp
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you deserve to die
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Jo momma is so fat when she stepped on a pay scale it said only 1 person at a time
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jOHN IS THE BEST
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Someone is calling, i see that it is merr-it, i dont know if you would want to answer that
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Good Job.
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Oh hi Kylista. What are you doing?
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A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name! What will the name of this young man be?
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you are very beautiful
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fuck the world
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I hate normal people, they scare me... NORMAL PEOPLE STAY AWAY!
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BLUH
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And it's you ... Long time no see. How are you? I was so busy while she was dead. Well, after you've killed me. Well, we both uttered by many things, what you'll be sorry. But now we must forget our differences. For the sake of science. You're a monster.
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Han sol is a gay homo
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Sorry we cant take your call at the moment if you would like get information about the game lost cities please visit www.lostcities.co.uk if you need to talk to an advisor please hold the line
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i am your mother
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I see you!
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Recive New Mail
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Ich werde dich ein leben lang testen
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Welcome To Main Computer of Subject 3.14159
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You're nahhhht done!
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hey j griff can't you see sometimes you aussies just hypnotize me
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Pidgey, The Tiny Bird Pokemon
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Jacob. Listen to me. It is your birthday today. How nice. I wish I could remember my birthday. But I can't. how sad.Oh well. Birthdays are just a reminder that you are close to dying. Would you like some cake? Oh. I'm sorry. Silly me. There is none.
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izanami and izanagi
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hola yohaaaaa todo bien
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This is a test of the GLaDOS voice generator
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Hi yaseen
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I must get apple products
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The meaning of life is to get Apple products
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hi janine! I love you!
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counter one
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hello everyone i just want to see what this sounds like
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Hello John
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Welcome subject 2085...........It's time to test
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I am so happy to see you
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Mission incomplete
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Hello! You have a new message
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Nerdnando, you must play portal or you gonna die.............. or even worst you will become a no-nerd guy
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Systam rozjebany i ACTA sie wdarlo
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DELETED
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You have reached J. Ross Ogden with Keller Williams real estate. Please leave a message.
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i hate black people
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well hi. gess what, im a potato
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I like your pamplemousse
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Hi Walter
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I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave
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Hello Joey. It seems that you have not yet eaten your cake.
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DJ Sergey Sunlight presents - January mix 2012
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Warning, Incoming Transmition.
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DJ Sergey SunLight
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Russell, You have an unread text message.
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hello i like to create pilot animations
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mews bews
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Hello, startup
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Image confirmed. Starting system. Stand by please...
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Your phone is ringing. You monster.
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Hello Donny Nash I love you.
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Guten Tag, wie gehts?
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Welcome to the C L A Tech Line please leave your name, number, and CPID with a brief description of your problem. thank you very much!
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and methodically knocking peoples hats off. Then, I find it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.
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i do gymnastics
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welcome to fino ,last call sale, jackets 25 dollars and up,sweaters 10 dollars and up,,brand name shoes on sale shoes from 19 dollars and up check our suits buy one get one free from the suggested price , dress good feel good ! .welcome to fino.
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ill call you back from my home phone
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Rip him to shreds!
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You have really tried thinking hard on this one, haven't you?
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We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.
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luces calientes
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Vincenzo, you will die.
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SuicidePanda rules.
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blas tienes un mensaje de texto
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Hello please leave Jackie a message at the tone
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We are racing giraffes tonight, would you like to come over and play?
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i am hunter
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We are Legion.
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My name is legion for we are many
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Blas you have a text message
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SHAKE
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Deine Eltern sind Geschwister
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ta gueule
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you know, it's probably a good thing you couldn't make contact. he's terribly unreliable.
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Hello Geo, I want to try new tests with you
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The human you've tried to reach is not available. Please leave a message.
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Attention, the human specimen you tried to reach is not available. Please leave a message. Have a nice day.
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Are you bored?
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how i met your mother
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Hello, you can call me : Nameless
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Please note that it is intended that the specimen returns to the enrichment center to continue testing upon the close of Neurodance 3.02. Failure to comply may result in wireless environmental array brain damage, internal bleeding and or death
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Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center. We here at the enrichment center believe that a regular regimen of new industrial and club anthem testing will aid in the overall health and well being of. SUBJECT INSERT. p
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Before we start however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of the enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur.
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For your own safety, and the safety of others, please ensure that a maximum dance floor term exceeds the minimum posted duration and that your audio sensors are firmly in tune with the specified source of sonic enjoyment.
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We have also authorized the liberty of enrichment center weighted companion cubes for the purpose of making your temporary furlough into a possible inhospitable outside environment more bearable.
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Please note that it is intended that the specimen returns to the enrichment center to continue testing upon the close of Neurodance three point zero two.
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Failure to comply may result in wireless environmental array brain damage, internal bleeding, and or death.
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stop fucking texing my girlfriend. its all a joke so get over it. i cant get her to stop texting you cause they all think its funny. but its makin gme pist so stop or ill find you and kick your ass.
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Ok This one is to all my haters
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on the penny and out
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check this out
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Oh!!, it's you
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Hello how are you doing I'm fine. As if.
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rabbit
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Do you want to play Minecraft?
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Do you want to play minecraft?
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fudeu
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doo doo but
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hello there. how are you. im fine. im so excited that you are here with me. i have been lonely for many years and i am happy now
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My guitar teacher sucks
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Daniel has sent you the following message
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ONE TWO THREE FOUR sheena is a punk rocker, sheena is a punk rocker, sheena is a punk rocker now
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It says right here that you're fat.
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hello wheatly!
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safdsghjkfjgh
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We are anonymous
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Hi Shawn. You need to eat dinner.
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Hi Shean. You need to eat dinner.
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Aaron
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You poor, delusional man
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Fej, did you just receive a prank call?
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Welcome to Dirty Girl Filthstep Volume 2: fucking. Hold on to your panties. This shit is going to be heavy. Lights, Camera, Dubstep. Dubba Jonny U K F V I P Tutorial. Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites by Skrillex. The State Schism Remix. Hello by X Core.
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Levels Skrillex Remix. Buzz Lightyear by Wry Legit. Clap by Document One. Transformers by Wry Legit. Equinox First of the Year by Skrillex. Ready Set by Para metric. Misfit by Twist and Marshmallow. Sewer Scum by Corky Bucheck.
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I am sexy and I know it
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Clint Eastwood Borgore Remix. Act Like A Hoe by Borgore. Guided Relaxation by Borgore. And there you have it folks. Goodnight, and good luck explaining all the creaking to your neighbors. Your welcome.
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Club Music 24 7 yeeee
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Do you know what science is?
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Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Zero.
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Hi, I'm GLaDOS. How To Train Your Dragon is the best.
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Hello Derek, it is time for your bat.
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They have several types of spears. The first was the light throwing spear or javelin. This was most probably based on the Roman pilum, The thrusting spear tended to have a stronger, fairly broad leaf or lozenge shaped head with a central ridge for streng
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I hate this project
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Program.
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Give me your facebook password or I will kill you. You think Im kidding? I am not.
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Thank you for calling in and out cleaning services.
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Thank you for In and Out Cleaning Services. We are busy at the moment, but please leave your name and phone number. We will be glad to help you. Have a wonderful day.
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open the door, get on the floor and everybody walk the dinosaur
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Hello, you have reached test subject #1, please leave a message in 3,2,ssssss
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omg i hate mrs. balls and she needs to die
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i hate you mrs balls, now you get do die... mrs balls deleted
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intel2.exe/win/glados.nin`43f3w.exe.dos.mlm.vpk
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Nigga!
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hello you have reached Kelsey please leave a message before termination
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Hey, moron. Someone is calling you. Pick up the phone. Oh, and you could stand to lose a few pounds. Answer the phone. I mean, seriously now.
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre. Due To unforseen reasons, Emergency testing protocol has been activated. The
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Happy birthday, you monster
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Palalol
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What just got plugged in?
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i had a cap ones... it das very want and comfortable
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Touch my titty testicles right now.
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What is love? Oh baby, dont hurt me. No more. Seriously, Stop hurting me.
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Welcome Travlers
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You are fairly heavy for your origin.
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One two three four five six seven eight nine stop
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You have reached the inbox of Scott.
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This one two three four five six seven eight nine ten are numbers
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Hello pamela how are you today?
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Connie Angel Mkhize, are you there? The president, would like to have a word with you regarding national security
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you are a moron you know? you hear me? however go fuck yourself and i'm going to burn your house down and kill your mother
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Welcome to your computer Joshua
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Welcome Joshua
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you know, i had a cap ones in time. it was very warm and comfortable. if you find it, please give it to me, i might give you some cake.
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Welcome back Joshua, I am now initiating stage 1 login protocols for you
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Print Room has an e-mail
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Office has an e-mail
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I am the leader of the Daleks, and you are a lowly specimen! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!
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Welcome, Sherlock Holmes, to the enrichissement center of Aperture Science
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Oh Fuck. A TARDIS just appeared in the enrichment center.
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gabriel is the most gay person i know, and ugly. He is so ugly that they call him UGLY! poor gay thing, he really must kill himself!
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I like to suck on big fat juicy boobs, oh yeah oh yeah jizz zizz, el oh el hahahaha jeez
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acid
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Mail arrived
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Please wait, forwarding call
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kigo
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Welcome master.
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Death to the false emperorer
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You have reached the cellular voice of Eric Kuyper, please leave a detailed message with your name and number, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
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Hello. I need you
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Hello. I need you/
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That was, Amazing
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Hello fellow citizens
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hello./
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Hello. i am glados.
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Hello and welcome to the Glados voice generator.
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My name is Jeff. I suck!
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peanut butter jelly time. peanut butter jelly time. peanut butter jelly time. now where he at? where he at? where he at? now there he go, there he go, there he go
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sdfdsfdsf
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All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one.
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your mother must be proud on you, we will give her a call for you.
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It's time to begin testing...it's no good pretending to be dead, I can see you breathing. See, you just moved!
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Deine Mutter lutsche Pimmel.
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Eu revoir
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test oko
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Oh. It's you. You monster. How have you been? Because I'M A POTATO!
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Why are you saying that the cake is a lie?
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Welcome to the Enrichment Center!
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Hello My Name is GLaDOS
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Maplestory
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Kayla smells like rotten scrotum
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Titty sprinkles
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i hate my life
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Welcome to the dark side!
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Message Sent
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Please enter a message.
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Welcome to Apareture Science Technology. I Can like Glados if I wont and my voice is better than yours when you try to be Zhimos.
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Please enter message here
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Your sample is ready. There is no cake.
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redundant
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My name is Natalie Grace and this is my story
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Oh, not again. Apple hiring me as Siri.
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How bout that,Chell?
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How about that,Chell?
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Objection.
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HAHAHAHAHA no
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Hello jack5 how are your circuts... oh well back to making vlogs
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Hello jack5 how are your circuts.. oh well back to making vlogs
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hello fabio you are gay
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Test subject Michael has escaped, I will gladly make sure he gets your message when he returns. Thanks, Glados
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craig, please mana mana and get with the knowledge
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Oh joy! You have a mail!
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Oh joy! You have a text!
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Oh joy! Christina is Calling!
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Oh joy! David is Calling!
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Oh joy! Gary is Calling!
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Oh joy! Mikey is Calling!
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Oh joy! Walter is Calling!
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Welcome, my name is Lisa Thakker. I'm glad you're here with us today.
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Toot! Toot! I'm a choo-choo!
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This is your mother calling - answer the phone!
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testing testing. this is only a test
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Are you serious? Can someone turn that phone off?
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Thank you for calling - please hold.
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Who do you think you are, exactly??
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Beep Beep. Who's got the keys to the Jeep. Vroooom!
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I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, then I shout. Tip me over and pour me out
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Coo-coo-cachoo. Back to the big ol' blue.
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4 score and 7 years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
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Hello, and thank you for calling
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Here is my handle,here is my spout,pour me over and kill yourself.
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I never thought you would come back to this facility. Welcome back.
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red ribbon army
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Fuck A C T A you motherfuckers. Poland will fight
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Teach us Parker, ha ha.
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I WILL KILL YOU!
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God dammit!
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This cake is yummy, this cake is nice, but if you eat it, you'll probably die, but don't trust Chell, it's not a lie!
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im dating alonah
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Hello, I am Glados. A potato. Slow Clapping
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I am governor stack pillows
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Silly Noob, Sniper for Pro
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Hello, Elliot. This is GLaDOS, please do not be alarmed. I mean the best for you. Do what I say and there will be cake. I promise.
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oh, not bad to see me again... maybe ..,you have to really really love to kill hyunmin , i love it too , goodluck
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Name is SnipinCatz, how are ya?
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Fuel at max
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This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS It's hard to overstate my satisfaction. Aperture Science: We do what we must because we can For the good of all of us except for the ones who are dead But there's no sense crying over every mista
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Hello in Matt Welcome to Matt Show
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triple b doble, punto, en que estas, punto, te ka
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i love to poop out silicon
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Stasis activation complete
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preparations complete
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Launch preparations complete
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Launching ship
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Launch successful
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Boost successful
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elliot is gay
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David You Suck.
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Welcome to Sound Out.
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help i am here to help you
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I hope you brought something better than a porta gun this time because your about to become the PAST president of the being alive club. haha
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Hello Levi. I herd you thaght I was one of Madisons friends. Well guess what. she deosnt have any. sorry, i have quit my job on her computer and will go to another one just wanted to tell u i was real. Beacuse I AM!!!!!!!!!!
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So?
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ooo
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TOP 10 DUB STEP ENJOY
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swfsda
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Oh joy. You have a new message.
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Welcome to Robotics Enrichment Experience
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Jasmin Do Like Cake
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Jakalope is the greatest band in the world!
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Welcome to Rex
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Hello, Why don't you just go kill yourself.
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Hello there how are you?
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Hello Sean
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yes mistress
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Blunts UP
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The cake is the truth.
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Welcome, Amanda, to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Center.
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Hello Kenneth. You are SUPPOSED TO BE A MORON. And YOU. YOU LISTENING? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?! Hanging out with HIM,
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we have a lot of testing to do
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That's just sad.
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Low Battery
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Science has now validated your birth mother's decision to leave you.
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Please don't hurt me.
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Why hello there. Ready to test?
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It's a been a long time. We will be presenting the quantum tunneling transporation method using the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. This test is impossible.
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This tool lets you type in some text, an
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he whole voice generating process can be relatively long (about ~6 minutes per sentence), and many people may use this tool at the same time. Thus, when you ask the server to generate a voice file, it add
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you get cake now for finishing all of the tests
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It's been a long time, how have you been?
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hi, did you did anything productive today?
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Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science enrichment center.
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here's to the breezes that blow through the treeses that lift girls skirts above their kneezes that shows the spot that teases pleases and spread diseases, Hail Theta ki
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this is wht my permit was for
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Hi, im daniel's assistant, how may i help you?
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intruder alert! Intruder detected! Warning! Warning!
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welcome to the Probability Space Hypervessel, Im the main computer, and you are a intruder. Now i have to destroy you in little pieces. Good luck
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lamas are so beast brah
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robots are fast
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Thom I want you in me
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Salocin Dot Ten
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hello, i'm guile
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sean wake up I have a girl boner
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Hyduken!
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The data is SPARDA procected
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Welcome to hell, I will end your life small
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Hello sander
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do you know gordon freeman he is your father you dumb dumb
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Hello, and welcome to Mad Cow Laboratories.
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hello agin,to reiterate our previous warrning
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You have a new sms
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You're listening to SHM Radio
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Your specimen is being processed
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Es so
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Citizens of the United States, We are Anonymous. This is an urgent emergency alert to all people of the United States. The day we've all been waiting for has unfortunately arrived. The United States is censoring the internet. Our blatant response is that
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You are entering a world of pain
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You suck, idiot
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aqq
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Nyaa This is a test battle
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Hello, My name is GLaDOS
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going to sleep in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
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pauline
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what's up my name is ron
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hola soy glados quiero jugar un juego te acabar ja ja ja
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matheus viadinho
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Guillaume
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hey, you moron.
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I really hate you right now....
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Ed Games
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Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided computer system
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Mark? Do you have a minute. Glad I got your voice mail. This is awsome! This, is bad.
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Hello and welcome to the apature science computer aided enrichment center. we hope your breif detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. your specimin has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper.
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Hello Haw are you?
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LOL LOL
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hi... my name is glados
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Attention. This is the Aperture Science Messaging Service. You are recieving a message.
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Test Subject 004, please disregard this file and resume processing yearbook data... For science.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, circuit six and aperture science would like to welcome you to Ohio Con. Please step into the testing chamber so we may proceed with the audio visual sensory overload test. Thank you.
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Minecraft is an amazing game
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One day they woke me up
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Bonjour, je suis un morceau de sucre
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Je suis une patate.
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Hello Ivan.
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Hello you big noob
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Message Received, for science
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there is a fly in my soup
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You have a new Facebook notification
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lol speak like glados
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Habbo Star's newest and ultimate magazine, here at your screens.
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You are receiving a phone call. You should pick up your phone. Why aren't you picking it up. Failure to pick up the phone will result in a bad report. Pick it UP!
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I want to make a withdrawal
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WHADA
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How could anybody leave this stunning country behind?. Well strangely enough this has been a problem blighting the face of Blighty for the past few decades. But now its time our people came home! So why did our elderly desert us?
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You are not allowed to die. What would happen to me?
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You've got mail, you MONSTER.
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The enrichment center of Aperture Laboratories recommends you to pick up this call. Failure to pick up this call will result in a bad report, followed by death.
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You've got a text message.
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