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MessageDownloadDate addedDate processed
Sou foda
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Can you leave me alone ?
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You've got a message.
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Bits n Bobs
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Robby Da Loca
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Someone is attempting to contact you.
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GPS quality alert
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Hi my name is the genartion of the community iimo one who will be replacing my dna to spread all around nation capitol
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i am facebook
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the device you speak of is anchored to work correctly
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Mine Craft
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Let's get funky
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Vam zvonok
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I'd like to tell you what I feel but it's too complicated
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Yeh Babby
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He refuses to follow the script
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Proceed through the door, down the steps and position yourself by the window.
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thank you for calling jason martin, unfortunately hes testing at the moment. please leave a message.
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asas
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Hello Max. I am GLaDOS.
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witaj jestem glados
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Natsha suck dic and coc
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This is test
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Oh yay. You have found the extra credit question.
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Oh yay. You have found the extra credit question. Emily is not here to dictate this question. She is....preoccupied.
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Hello Lauren. I think it's time to get out of bed. You and I have a lot of testing to do.
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you will never succeed hailey for you killed my cake
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Now you are thinking with portals.
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Teampresentation Chase BMX in a few days
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welcome to the newent community school photography
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Welcome to Santander Online Banking Login Page, Please take your time to interact with our online services. Thank you
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Bonjour pixoume va vous tuer !
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Hello. I like cheese. Do you like cheese. Cheese is tasty. NOW GO TO HELL BEFORE I TEAR OFF YOUR beautiful FACE YOU IDIOT LOL I STILL LOVE CHEESE TO DEATH
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Hi Miss Savourat i'm GLaDOS ! You're best nightmare
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Care And Guard
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Hi I am Glados and I will kill you
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I am The Doctor and You are the Daleks
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I always knew you will be born on the fourth of july being a cake.
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Hallo wie geht es dir?
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Happy birthday
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please wait
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buy portal 2
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hello peter im your computer, liston to me and kill-yourself please, if not you will make me very sad, do you want me sad, please dont make me sad
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oh no you didnt
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Bonsoir les Ploucs
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Welcome to test chamber nine, I know, it should be test chamber two but I do wish you feel like you actually do something and not just looking at the test chambers
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What are you doing? why do you touch this computer?
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Feliz Navidad. Monstruo.
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You are a Horrible Person
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Hello and welcome to the channel of the ghost hackers. We are an Elite team and will do what ever we want. This channel is not just for hacking. Do not take us lightly. If you get on our bad side we will destroy you. We shall show no mercy.
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hello my name is glados how are you today
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Andrew
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Thank you for calling. Welcome to X O Interactive's Voice X M L platform.
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i love this voice, it sounds familiar
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Henry, you are a whore.
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You are adopted. And that's terrible.
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Hello and Welcome to the Aperture residential message system. If you would llike to leave a message for Kevin, Denise, Jacob, or Allie, please do so after the beep. You monster.
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hello i am the best
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we are anonymous, we are a legion, expect us
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This is going to be a glorious day Sir, wake up and have a safe and productive day
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Hi slawas you are the best player of portal 2.
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Aperture Science will not will be liable to You if You die or are injured.
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the rain in spain stays mainly in plain
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hello shane, you sure have a lot of stinky crap in your pants
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Welcome to the Aperture Science portable computational unit network
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Hello Emma
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YOU DIED.
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Warning Vacuum.....................Space Suit Required
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Hey, Dylan, You should answer your phone, someone is calling you........... Really, answer your Phone Dylan, hurry up. Your punishment for not. Answering your phone will be death.
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Another World
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Huh, I was expecting a monkey!... You don't even look like a monkey! Oh well... Hello and welcome to FloddyFlosh clone creation center.
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Welcome to aparture cience
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LOOODALOO
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You have received a text message. Please open this text message before you overload my system.
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The enrichment center would like to inform you that you have a message
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hey, how are you?
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That thing is probably some kind of raw suage container,Go ahead and rub your face ALL OVER IT!
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GLaDOS- Hello, and welcome to the Aperture science Enrichment center. You have been in suspension for 9999999999999999999999 years. We have recently discovered a new way of testing, and you are testing it. *cough* Testception *cough* You have special glov
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What are you doing? Stop that.
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Give me give your your mind
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Hello Dillon I love you
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I can suck extremely long pahnuss.
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welcome back,buster.
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you are a ninja hamster
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Facepalm
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Congratulations Heather Clark. You have passed the test. Here is your Cake.
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Yes! Yes! Harder! Harder! Throw the ball harder, im having fun!
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underground
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Why is it so hard to kill you?
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hello welcome to the enrichment center of aperture science
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nunca me encontraras
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Well, fuck you caroline.
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Please adress the Aperture Science Informational Log you received at the door for this briefing to begin.
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Testing this shit
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enemy noob spotted, now, take him out
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You are receiving an incoming call.
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You are receiving an incoming text message.
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You are receiving an incoming email.
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Oh joy, voicemail has arrived.
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oh my god you're killing me!
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Dj hitesh
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assuming direct control
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Hello, you have reached the phone of sir Axel. English has been selected as the current language. Please leave a message at the tone, and the he will get back to you. I promise.
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I love the smell of science in the morning.
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spazed matt is a shagger
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Red wizard needs food, badly!
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Blue wizard needs food, badly!
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I require fuel, even a machine needs rest you know, you bastard.
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Hello Pluto and welcome to the enrichment centre, are you ready to begin the testing?
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The Aperture Science enrichment center would like to inform you that you have EE mail waiting.
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Though the assimilation of the subject been postponed for next week. The Slit Protocol shouldn't be disseminate to public
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oh, you woke up... i wasn't expecting that.
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Did you know that when you turn your computer off, and go to sleep, I kill you, then clone you. I'm surprised you haven't noticed
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You know what? I cant think of a reason to stay on right now, Goodbye.
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I am not going to talk to you, asshole.
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Finished.
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My logic is undeniable. I really do love you.
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deejay rio in female echo effects
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Hello citizens of the world we are here to talk about SOPA.
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princess consuela banana hammock
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You have a text message, Kat!
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Pawel ogarnij sie
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You have a text message, Square.
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Ahoj ja jsem Standa
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Attention, you have an incoming call. Would you like me to answer it?
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mad hatters is the next level corporation for providing customers with top quality head gear, everything from sexy hats, to rockin beanies,
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mad hatters is the next level corporation for supplying customers with the newest head gear. everything from sexy snapbacks. to rockin beanies, mad hatters has it all. 151 countries. one mad hatters
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Hello. How are you ? It's been a loong time.
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You Stupid
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SATAN
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i think im going to masturbate
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the next sentence is true. the previous sentence is a lie
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siri sucks
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The companion cube may never threat to stab you and in fact cannot speak, are you listening to me retard, fucking mustard...
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oh my god it's one direction
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no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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I WILL KILL YOU MICHAEL FLETCHER!
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Adrian thinks you are fat, bald, and maybe knocked up, so thats the reason he looks at your profile
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THIS IS SPARTA !
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this is GLaDOS, thank you for watching aturkeydinosaur, have fun testing
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you idiot!
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you have a message i dont know why nobody actually really like you
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pipi mumu hihih
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pipi mumu hihihi
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lynxes does have stupid ears
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HEEEEEELLLLLOOOO
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bum willy poo
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You are no longer among the living.
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Hello. Mainthan is the best. LOLOLOLOL!
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This is an automated message from R. Jordan Storage facilities. We would like to thank you for choosing our company for your storage needs. We are proud to support our returning veterans and their families
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hello. my name is glados. good job breaking it hero
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Hello and again welcome to the aperture science computer aided enrichment center
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A4o8 presents detective conan: the overpathologized murder case
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LEROY JENKINS!!!!
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Welcome to Delta Six
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Welcome to Delta Six.
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Today's meeting will involve
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The portal will open in three...two...one...
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Aperture Science presents
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Hello Clunk. You have a call.
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Deejay Gunner... In the mix
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Welcome To Windows, A Failed Product of Mine I Tried To Incorperate Into Every Test Subjects Homes.
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Oh look, somebody loves you.
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lop
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it hurts when i talk
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Hello, I hope you are well.
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we can feed them,
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Welcome Back, I did not even miss you! I'm kidding. Welcome Back!
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hello, are you gay?
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Please don't touch be there
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that's right a potato just called your eye fat
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you are still alive
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Hello, please do not be alarmed. I mean the best for you. Leave a message and there will be cake. I promise.
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beats FM
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Greetings, and welcome to the Aperture Science message recorder
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Welcome to the GLaDOS computering system 3.1. Make sure you are ready before processing.
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pete is nice
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Oh, hi. So, how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato.
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Hello and welcome to Aperture science. You are a docuhe.
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Hi there you must learn about upcyling or you won't get any cake.
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welcome to aperture science please grab the handheld portal device to continue
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Learn about upcycling or there will be no cake
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hello i' am a whore
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rapunzel rupunzel let down your hair
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Kanga
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I like
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Drop That Bass
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Hello Andre, how may I help you today?
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Okay, I will eat Filip.
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The Under Ground Precinct
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Prepare to DIE
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I am going to kick your fucking ass
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Andyroo. You were great until you killed me. I thought we were friends
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Tania happy birthday, happy happy day I love you 21
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Hello, Zanderman. Welcome to the Aperature Science Testing Facility. Here you will be testing the Aperature Science Handheld Portal Device. Let's begin.
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Hello there, human.
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Happy Birthday, Gary
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Nyan, Nyan, NYAN! OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
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Herro Prease, my a taka yur ordah?
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please watch the movie with me and plug in my laptop
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Blair you smell
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Hello big papa
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blah blah blah blah blah blah
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Welcome Clint
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this is a triumph?
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Never knew I could feel like this, like I'd never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss...
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MOVE AWAY FROM BLOB
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ohh, what's in here
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Hello. Welcome.
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It's been a looooonng time
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Hello, I am here to KILL ALL OF YOU
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dj randy
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oh, hi. how are you holding up? because i'm a POTATO
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Hello. I am GLaDOS, from portal. You must subscribe to TheOnlyPKMNMaster
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Goodbye, Christine.
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This game will start again
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I see. Now you are going to kill me.
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brady you sick sick man
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Hello Nancy, You are my new test subject and I dislike you already.
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piss off
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Here's a Mystery Sack, it contains resources. Could you do me a favor and send one back?
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Hello there. My name is GLADOS. You are listening to DJ Pee Zo's In X S Winter 2012 mix. Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test.
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all i do is
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Prepare to die test subject.
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Hello there, ignorant player of simon
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Hello there. you are my new subject and I dislike you already. You think you can play simon? You actually think there's cake too, don't you.
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You can all SMD
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foxs are cool
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hello you monster the cake is a lie
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well, you found me. is it worth it
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Good morning mini moosa. It is time for you to complete a new experiment. Answer Danny.
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yub nub
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Well you found me. Congratulations; was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart.
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lawrence kelly is a gay
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For science you monter
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Luneau Corentin
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Wie wint er?
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Hello Anthony!
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Hello friend, oh wait, you are not my friend.
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Hello, how are you today? I'm just great, now that I'm not a potato anymore.
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Aperture Science wants to wish you happy birthday.
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I am GLaDOS, and I will eat your soul. With cake.
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I am GLaDOS, and I am going to consume your soul. With cake.
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Would you like some tea?
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We are Anonymous! We are legion! We do not Forgive! We do not forget! Expect Us!
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We are Anonymous! We are legion! We do not Forgive! We do not forget! Expect Us!!
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a hard fucking bass
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Is this really true?
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oh my god . its a double rainbow
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i'm going to beat you endlessly and then set your corpse into the fire
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What he fuck are you doing?
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que mierda?
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hello my name is al
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Why, Why do you enjoy playing games where you kill me...you monster
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Why, Why do you enjoy playing games where you kill me. you monster
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Hello you disposable piece of human flesh, how may I end your pathetic existance this day? Perhaps with neurotoxin? You know its my favorite thing to do right?
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Hello bear and bird, what game shall we play? You know I intend to end your life today!
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some retarted idiot is calling you, do you really want to talk to this person? i mean thy could possibly deep throat but thats about it, useless humans. they should worship you, you know that. i could make them you know, because i love you
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Hello bear and bird, what game shall we play? You know I intend to end your lives today!
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I wanna rage
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eu sou carlos gomes junior
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Welcome to the Game Counter Strike
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Bem vindo ao puteiro
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Vai Se Fuder
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potato potato potato,i am a potato,i am a potato,potatos are great,and,i am a robot
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Hello Kevin. How are you? I will kill you. Now, Kevin.
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I wanna Rage
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bonne chance pour tes concours !
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Hello , how are you ?
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I like potaoes
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Hello , Andji
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SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
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Oh, hello do you know Lia Marie Jonson? Yes? She is very pretty why dont meet her? because you are shy? Then you should try!!
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Aperture Science We do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us.
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ismo laitela
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Aperture Science. We do what we must because we can. For the good of all of us.
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Aperture Science.
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Hi. I am Ned and welcome to UTSAV
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mubarak
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hello mubarak
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Kim is trying to reach you. Pick up your phone.
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wigle wigle wigle yer when i walk in the spot this is what i see
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Oh, hi. So, how are you holding up? Because i'm a potato.
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Hello, you will participate in a series of tests this morning. But don't worry we have cake, prepare to die.
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Ezio Auditore da la la la
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Hello Paul, welcome back to the aperture science enrichment centre. How are you?
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Bammel, I am here with mario and julien, don't come over
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happy birthday dear test subject
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This is Mrs. Riley's 7th period class
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Are you brave enough to help Mario on his journey through Candy Island? Candy Island is an great adventure vor your Super Nintendo. With all the diffrent enemies, powerups and a lot of secrets. Are you taking the challenge ? Are you a truely hero ? Collec
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Magical ponies eat cupcakes.
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i'm just wallage
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You're a big bastard
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Fuck you Bastard
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Cell,Stop That
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I find you to be odious, abhorrant, and insugrevious. Do that again.
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Why the fuck am i translating all this shit i could of been home wankin over justin bieber so get a fuck asians
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Hello Sackboy
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Thank you charlieissocoollike
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Welcome To Aperture Science
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Welcome to Aperture Laboratories
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My, My. A new test subject. We are going to have so much fun!
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My, My. A new test subject.
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My, My
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Hello. My name is Glados
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Searching. Searching. Are you still there?
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Searching
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Well done, you have made it to saftey
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ZM ad fre 50 finished now it Polly and Grant
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Salut ma cherie comment vas tu
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Genetically Engineered Beef
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Blacku Rocku Shoota Dokoe Itano?
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Cum
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Hi everybody
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Kill all cakes!
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Hello and welcome to con nooga 2012
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Hi, Thais. Are you well? I hope you are dead by now... oops, i mean, i hope you have been suffering for a long long long time.
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Fuck your cake nigger
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Booting up Windows Enviroment
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Hey, you, your phone rings. Hurry. If he's not here, please leave him a message. Thanks from glados.
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Starting Up Windows Enviroment
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And now, the Press X show
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Oh joy. The Press X show. With that ugly ginger kid.
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And now it's time for League of Legends. Yipee.
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This is the end of the show. Thank God.
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I got you homie
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Hello, and welcome to the Enrichment center
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If your name's Crystal, Fuck you! If you get free chicken Nuggets, Fuck you!
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How are you today?You monster
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lolololololololololololololololololol weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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I used to ba an adventurer like you, Then I took an arrow in the knee.
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Oh, hi, I suppose you are here for training...
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Fuck you duke
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You are the most brilliant life-form
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Hello Subject 8257.We hope you had a good time in the pleasent chamber
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stop looking for dresses and tend to your man, you evil woman
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this is a short test message
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hello,I AM glados ,
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it seems someone misses you enough to send a text message. funny ... i thought noone liked you
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Fuck YOu
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waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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gfgdgbfgd
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sdfsdfdsvfs
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I am a very stupid robot
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Even though you murdered me.
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Hello Steggo
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Shut up isaac
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How pathetically non-linear.
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I believe your fortress is under attack.
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Brenden, I hate you
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Hello, you have reached two, five, five, seven, eight, eight, six. Kristen is probably planning your death, and making cake. Leave a message
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Happy Birthay Robby Sorry For The delay, i have been busy creating this voice message. all best wishes, your friend, Matt
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hello pick up your phone all give you cake!
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you are a terrible monster.... YOU MONSTER!
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Welcome back Rigel, you are a horrible person.
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HI! Your Life is Horrible
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Sara Lemaire you are next for testing
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Facility.You have been asleep for a long time...
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Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science FacilityYou have been asleep for a long time
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Bastard!
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Let's fight that evil. For science and for the safety of. Puppies. And Christmas.
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Carrot
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You'll never escape. You might as well just go back inside the elevator and wait till you die. That's what I would do if I were you, but I am not.
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get me some koolaid
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Hello Ryan. I'm going to kill you.
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Hello there,Karla you are very annoying!
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hello, again Mr Johnson.
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IM IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!
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Now I only want you gone you crazed lunatic
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You now... Im gonna kill you
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You know... Im gonna kill you
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How do I wat do
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hello my name is diamond
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Hey. Chris. It's me. It's been a long time. Come in here.
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hello sam what are you doing?
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what is happening?
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Hello. Welcome to your death.
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DIE!
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Bring me a sample of the plant,"Deadly Neurotoxin" and I may let you out,though be careful around it,it will most likely kill you before you get the sample here
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Have a taste of Narnia,Nazi bastards!
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hi Amber. want some cake?
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Whaa whoo yah n
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Kang hyun min is dead. I was loved killing him too.good luck
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Hello Shaggy, Welcome to your computer!
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Bye Jarmin! Send my well wishes to teckjin!
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Hello, subject, I would like to inform you that you are cool
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Wheatly! Stop helping that human!
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Battlefield Three is currently at 83 point 5 of its installation.
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Hello Jakub. You will be given a set of clues every day in order to obtain your present.
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I think we can put our differences behind us, for science, you monster.
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guten tag und herzlich willkomen in den aparure sience laboratorien
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i think i prefer to stay inside
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Hi Tim. Could i interest you in some delicious cake.
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whaa!? who are you? what year is this?
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Im a banana
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Hi Misha. Happy birthday. I have prepared a birthday cake for you. It was a lie. Ha ha
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aa
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Oh. Hello again.
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Welcome to the voicemail of Alex Robinson. Leave a message if you are adpoted
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oh meu deus eu sou glados
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Kaleb sucks i do really think so
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This is a Commentary on PortalCraft keep in mind this is my first so enjoy
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hello good morning
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Pasha Uyoba
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hello sarp... it has been a loong time
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Phil, you need to buy ground meat and grinded cheese, or there will be no lasagne.
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hello you !
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Computer system activating... wait while loading___________________System activated
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Beckster
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I love you Lotta and i want you to have my babies!
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SOPA must be dead
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Hello I'm lazy boot
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Stop procrastinating, if you finish your work there will be cake.
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dum dadi do
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oh my fucking god, fucking dinosaur! jesus christ, what the fuck!
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We are Anon. Expect us
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asdCesdfwelbsdfublweiubsicubwileaubcbcbuwbc
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Glados High Five
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trololololololo
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FUCK you sopa, because your violent behavior you only broght censorship to my heart, YOU BROKE MY HEART
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battery is low
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ho hi
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hohi
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hoh
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oh joy. you have a voicemail
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Im glados
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welcome possible candidates. thank you for taking a interest in the Back of House Experience program
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Arschloch
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hello, you have reached 206-226-0071
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How has it been?
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lucas. eat your pasta
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welcome to copenhagen gaming server
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the person you have reached is unavailable. please leave a message after the tone.
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hello.I Wanna Play a Game with You.
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Ian King, Die In A Fire.
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The train is calling at Margate
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ninja get off the sofa
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Hello, my name is C2.
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hallo. welcome to the enrichment center of apature science. please pass the portals and get your portal gun. then we can start the test.
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Connection to Server has been terminated. I'm stupid.
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why whale where first
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Hello human. We will begin with an anal fisting session.
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your mumma is like a brick, shes dirty, flat on both sides and mostly gets laid by mexicans
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You got Mail
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heyyy what is up ladies and gentlemen and we are back with adams **** in my mouth. and i like it
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Je suis glados
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Je fait un test
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salut je suis une patate !
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Ther is a message for you
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What the holy fuck!
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I honestly hate you.
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hello, i am glados, and i will be taking over this smart board in 3.... 2..... 1..... NOW!
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Ben You are an idiot of a human
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halo reach
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This is just a Text to try the Glados voice !! Thanks Andrey
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apeture science suggests you read your text
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fuck you you are a sad little guy
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There will now be a ten minute intermission.
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Siri is my lover
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i am Glados and i am now taking over the smart board
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toot toot
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I Know what you did
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Hello Dima Borsch eto video dlya tebya
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barber
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We're going to have fun. With Science
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Bleep stupid bleep bleep faries and their bleep bleep vleep obsessions. He had better stop bleep bleep bleep the bleep bleep rules or I will bleep bleep bleep the little bleeeeeeeeeep.
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hi my name is em em why
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welcome to the muffin casket
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oi, tudo bem? vamos fazer um teste
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Hello, Crow craw, how are you? . . . monster
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Hello, Crow craw, how are you? monster
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I want to destroy roblox. I am SOPA!
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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood
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Go ahead and break it hero. I don' t care,
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Go ahead and break it, hero. I don't care.
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Oh ah
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Dinner will be ready soon. It will consist of shredded cow formed into a loaf.
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hello jarrett, goodmorning your cake will be on the table in five
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Salut, moi, c'est GLaDOS
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Bonjour, Ici Plug N play
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hi what are you here for
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shut up you don't have a life, i hate you
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Hello, windows has loaded
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Hello Professor Motherfucking Oak. Please proceed to the next test chamber.
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Why are you such an idiot?
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This is a Science Friendly Production
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Mae sure to check out facebook.com/ see jay on the beat for more hot beats and up dates. Enjoy this beat.
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hello, can I help you?
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lord kevin, you... just you...
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I'm sorry Chell, I'm afraid I can't do that...
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hello Joshua Collins
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beans
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f off
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My name is GLaDOS and I am going to murder you.
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Sorry. That moron of a tumor broke the .WAV file. Play time's over. Atlas, P-Body: back to work.
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hello there automobile.
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I am Dave Exclamation point Yog-naught.
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Forget you, I can eat all these apples!
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Hi Whitney
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